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  • 101 Things I Learned in Culinary School

    “101 Things I Learned in Culinary School” was written by Louis Eguaras with Matthew Frederick. Louis is a department chair at the Culinary Arts Institute at Los Angeles Mission College, Chef Instructor at the Institute of Culinary Education, and a former White House Chef. I read this book back in 2023. This book is not a recipe book! Instead, it contains practical how-tos and interesting facts. Here are some of the many facts that stood out to me.

    Guests seek more from a dining experience than to satisfy their appetites: comfort, prestige, value, relaxation, artistry, social fun, or perhaps just a good place to watch the game. Be clear why customers choose your restaurant. Prioritize what they most need.

    • Keep guests informed. Be open about errors and oversights – understaffed, dish running late, etc. Acknowledge mistakes!
    • Repurpose rather than reuse. Have multiple uses for every food item. Repurpose preparation scraps and use in stocks, soups, purees, etc.
    • Liabilities for restaurants: food-related illnesses, chemical hazards, physical hazards, property hazards, drinking hazards/serving too many drinks

    School teaches you how to cook. Experience teaches you how to be a chef. A cook follows a recipe; a chef can intuitively modify a recipe. A cook knows how; a chef knows why.

    Kitchen lingo:

    • “all day” = the total # of items to be prepared. Ex: 2 burgers rare + 1 burger medium = “3 burgers all day“
    • “dragging” = not ready with the rest of the order. Ex: “The fries are dragging.”
    • “drop” = Start cooking. Ex: “Drop the fries.“
    • “fire” = Start cooking, but with more urgency. Ex: “Fire the burgers.“
    • “on the fly” = with extreme urgency. Ex: “Get me two soups on the fly.“

    Mise in place is a practice and a philosophy. Determine everything you need before starting a dish or shift – recipes, ingredients, utensils, pots, pans, stocks, sauces, oils, dishware, and anything else. This permits the most efficient use of a cook’s space and time and informs the disposition and posture of a chef.

    Shake hands with a knife. To hold a chef’s knife properly, rest your thumb on one side at the juncture of the blade and handle, and let your middle, ring, and pinkie fingers grip the handle naturally on the other side. The index finger rests on the side of the blade, near the handle.

    4 ways to tenderize:

    • mechanical (pound with a mallet before cooking)
    • marinade in an acidic bath for 30 minutes to 2 hours
    • salting/brining – coat with coarse salt and refrigerate for 1-4 hours, then rinse off and pat dry before cooking
    • slow cooking in liquid in a slow cooker

    Food keeps cooking after you stop cooking. Allow for carryover cooking in meats by removing them from the heat source when the internal temperature is about 5 degrees Fahrenheit below the safe-to-eat temp. Let sit for 5-10 minutes and monitor the temperature.

    Ways to thicken a stock, soup, or sauce:

    • reduction (remove the pan lid and simmer until desired thickness is achieved)
    • roux (heat butter in a saucepan, and slowly add an equal amount of flour, stirring constantly to produce a paste)
    • slurry (cornstarch for dairy-based, arrowroot powder for acidic sauces)
    • gelatin

    A pepper’s name often changes when dried.

    • Fresh pimiento ➡️paprika
    • poblano ➡️ mulato (not ripened) or ancho (ripened first)
    • jalapeno ➡️chipotle (smoked)

    Menu types:

    • static (common chain/fast-food restaurants)
    • cycle (changes daily/repeats weekly)
    • market (based on what is available for purchase by the restaurant daily)
    • farm to table, a la carte, prix fixe, etc.

    Serve a just-enough portion. The protein should be about the size of the palm of your hand, and the vegetables should span about 2 or 3 fingers. A just-enough portion conveys that care and quality were elevated over quantity and that guests should eat more slowly to savor and enjoy. It also leaves room for appetizers and desserts.

    Ways to make a plate look better:

    • vary plate shapes
    • use complementary colors
    • paint the sauce
    • design the negatie space
    • bed it – put it on a bed of lettuce, rice, etc.

    I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn more about culinary facts!

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – February 6, 2025

    As I discern the frequency of Thoughtful Thursday posts going forward, I wanted to share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Life Kit – The science behind the FDA ban on food dye Red No. 3

    • Desserts, candy, and medications that are bright cherry red often contain synthetic Red dye No. 3. It has been known to cause cancer in rats.
    • The FDA is now banning it in food and ingested drugs (revoking authorization)
    • Red dye No. 3 is a petroleum-based dye that gives products a bright cherry red color.
    • 2002 – petition was filed with the FDA to ban the dye, and the FDA has been reviewing the petition and research ever since.
      • Red dye No. 3 in high doses causes cancer in rats. The FDA previously concluded it was safe for humans in the amounts used in food and said that Americans aren’t going to eat Red dye No. 3 in amounts large enough to cause cancer
    • 2023 – California became the first U.S. state to ban Red dye No. 3, although the ban doesn’t take effect until 2027.

    The Environment Working Group has compiled a list of over 3,000 packaged foods and drinks that contain Red dye No. 3!

    • There are also concerns about other synthetic food dyes linked to behavioral issues  and ADHD-like symptoms in children.
    • These dyes are more common in cheaper, ultra-processed foods.
    • Food manufacturers have until January 2027 to remove red dye no. 3 from their products.
      • Replacing with Red 40 (also linked to behavioral issues in kids) or natural food compounds found from fruits and vegetables (ex: beets)
    • Check food labels and try to avoid food dyes.
    https://open.spotify.com/episode/5RDQ7RZQAkDXcWHzhLkVx5

    Chasing Life – Want a Healthier Mocktail? Here’s How

    Disclaimer: My body doesn’t tolerate carbonation, alcohol, or mocktails, so I haven’t tried these recommendations!

    • Add water to get the volume right. Ex: instead of 2 oz of gin, add 2 oz of water.
    • Mocktails, like cocktails, are actually meant to be small and savory. You don’t need to use a lot of added sugar or syrups. Not meant to be a 12 oz beverage
    • If limiting alcohol instead of going alcohol-free, use sherry or fortified wines. These provide more of a flavor profile than NA drinks.
    • When you go alcohol-free, there is a chance you won’t miss it!
    • Many zero-proof options rely heavily on sodas, fruit juices, and syrups to try to compensate for the lack of alcohol. You can add water to tone down the sweetness.
    • 1 month without alcohol will improve your sleep, boost your energy, and lower your blood pressure. That’s pretty good incentive.

    Self Improvement Daily – Plant Yourself In Fertile Soil

    One of the most important impacts of your life and your success is your environment. Your environment is always pushing you to take make certain choices and take certain actions. 

    It’s the difference between hanging around friends who always want to meet up for drinks instead of hanging out while hiking, working out, or socializing without alcohol. It’s the difference between having access to healthy food in your pantry rather than always grabbing and stocking up on junk food. It’s the difference between having a good book by your bed versus only having your phone within arm’s reach.

    Environment influences what happens without our awareness. The majority of the time, we’re acting unconsciously and automatically.

    “Here’s a metaphor I like to use that demonstrates the power of environment. Think of the potential of a seed.

    A seed has everything it needs to grow into a tall mighty tree. A seed is fully capable, yet most of the time, it doesn’t even sprout. Why? Because it’s dependent on the soil. The seed requires a certain environment to thrive.

    The same seed planted in two different places can lead to two very different outcomes. When it’s in fertile soil, it grows tall and strong. When it’s planted in sand, it doesn’t even have a chance. And that’s not because there’s anything wrong with the seed. It’s just in the wrong environment.

    As humans, we experience the same thing. There are environmental conditions that bring out our best. The right people, opportunities, circumstances, and spaces set us up for success. But there are also environments that bring out our ‘not so best’, causing us to make choices that don’t serve us and limit our potential.

    Unlike a seed, however, we can control our environment. We can choose our surroundings and therefore, shape the influence it has on us. We can plant ourselves in fertile soil and when we do, that’s when we are maximizing our growth and potential! 

    If you’re falling short of the level of consistency, productivity, good health habits, and impact that you know you’re capable of, it’s probably because you’re in the wrong soil. Choose to put yourself in a place where you can thrive and watch the results pour in!”

    TED Talks Daily – The secret to telling a great story – in less than 60 seconds

    • Many great stories start with a question because it will make people stick until the end to find out the answer.
    • You want to get your audience’s attention immediately, so you want to start by asking something shocking.
    • After you’ve hooked your audience, you want to take them on a journey building up to your answer where you want them to feel constant progression so that as we’re moving closer and closer to our answer, they feel like they can’t stop listening.
    • If everything is smooth sailing, nobody cares. We want to add conflict before getting to our answer. Without conflict, the audience isn’t as invested.
    • After enough buildup, we finally need our answers. Build tension by making the answer feel uncertain to make a satisfying ending.
    • If it takes longer to tell your story than it does to make a fast food burger, you’re probably overcooking both.

    I’ve noticed this trend often on TikTok. People tell short stories with conflict to capture interest and build up progression before detailing the end of the story.

    Mary’s Cup of Tea – How to Make Adult Friendships Easier with Kat Vellos

    • Connecting with existing friends more easily: If you are a busy or forgetful person, set reminders in your phone to follow up with the person. Don’t leave your hangout without setting your next hangout (just like a salon appointment). Connect your friends to each other to share time together.
    • Making more friends nearby: Be aware of your limits and take it step by step. Start by making acquaintances with the people who already live near you and are easier to fit into the life you’re living – people on your block, people in your apartment building, people in your town. Become a regular at a third place – neither home nor work – somewhere you go to for enjoyment – gym, coffee shop, brewery, bar, etc. Host friends with frequency – ex: Sunday dinners at home.
    • When we say that friendship is hard, we often say it’s hard because we’re afraid to introduce ourselves to new people, scheduling is hard, we’re too busy, we aren’t getting close fast enough to people, friends don’t give as much as they take, etc. When we say friendship is hard, we might mean that having courage is hard, having confidence is hard, prioritization and persistence is hard, having patience is hard, or taking risks and dealing with disappointments and rejection is hard. These things are part of life, not just friendships!
    • If someone says you should get together and you reach out and they don’t schedule something, follow up suggesting something you think they would say yes to!
    • On average, adults lose 1-2 friends per year because they fall out of touch and things fade away. Like plants, you need to water and nourish your friendships.

    Book: “We Should Get Together” – I look forward to reading this!

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • January 2025 Reads

    I read four books in January. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in January.

    “Built to Move: The 10 Essential Habits to Help You Move Freely and Live Fully” was written by Kelly Starrett and Juliet Starrett, the cofounders of San Francisco CrossFit and coauthors of the Wall Street Journal Bestseller Deskbound. Kelly is also the cofounder of The Ready State. This book included different movements and tips to incorporate them into daily life. Here are some takeaways:

    • The range of motion and body positioning relates to health, ease of movement, and the presence and absence of pain.
    • This book included measurable and repeatable diagnostics that will help you assess your current condition, where you need to go, and how you’re going to get there. This book also included mobilization techniques for reducing stiffness and resolving pain.
    • Think about how you want to live your life, take into consideration that the body naturally gets stiffer and weaker with age, and undertake strategies to counter those potential erosions before they set in. To be able to keep moving when you’re older, you need to get or keep moving now.

    Some tips:

    • Sit-and-rise test – getting up and down off the floor without using your hands, knees, or losing balance – determines when you have good range of motion in your hips and gauges leg and core strength and balance and coordination
    • Incorporate various ground-sitting positions into your day: cross-legged sitting, sitting with your legs out in front of you, one-leg-up sitting, etc.
    • Find your balance. Do the one-leg stand test with your eyes closed for twenty seconds. How steady you are on your feet depend on your feet, your inner ear, sensory receptors in the muscles, tendons, fascia, joints, and eyesight.
    • Aim to limit sitting to six hours per day. Set up a standing workstation and move around every thirty minutes.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “While You Were Out: An Intimate Family Portrait of Mental Illness in an Era of Silence” was written by Meg Kissinger, who teaches investigative reporting at Columbia Journalism School. Meg spent more than two decades traveling across the country to report on America’s mental health system for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and has won dozens of accolades. This book was frank and revelatory and was a personal and painful narrative. I highly recommend this book! Here are some of the many things that resonated with me:

    • Meg details the family dynamics of alcoholism, mental illnesses, and two of her siblings committing suicide and how the shame and practice of “not talking about it” impacted her and her family.
    • 5.6% of adults suffer from serious and persistent mental illness, and more than 1/3 of them don’t get treatment. A person with serious mental illness is 10x more likely to be incarcerated than hospitalized.
    • Jails and prisons have become the nation’s de facto mental health hospital system. By 2010, almost 90% of the hospital beds across the country that were once available for the sickest psychiatric patients had been eliminated.

    “Suicide prevention experts I’d interviewed over the years told me repeatedly that we can do a lot more to stop people from killing themselves. Knowing the warning signs for suicide and how to talk to those who are considering it will save lives. So why weren’t we able to stop our siblings? Because we had been discouraged from talking about it. I could not help but wonder what life would have been like if we had grown up in a more transparent era.”

    “Only love and understanding can conquer this disease.”

    5 out of 5 stars

    “Riding the Lightning: A Year in the Life of a New York City Paramedic” was written by Anthony Almojera, an EMS lieutenant with the Fire Department of New York City who has also been featured in various media outlets. This book was devastating, candid, and vital, and guides readers, one month at a time, through the first year of COVID-19 from the perspective of a paramedic in New York City. I recommend this book to readers who want a glimpse of how COVID-19 changed EMS each month in 2020. Here are some takeaways:

    • In the beginning of COVID-19, every EMT and paramedic who transported a patient with suspected coronavirus was instructed to wear gloves, a gown, goggles or a face shield, and an individually fitted N95 mask, then throw everything away after each patient contact. Originally, the health department recommended that ambulances be aired out for two hours after every fever/cough call. (!)
    • Protocols were shifting constantly – what protective equipment to wear, how to deal with a cardiac arrest, whether to consult telemetry about where to take a patient, whether to notify the hospital that you were transporting a suspected case of COVID, how often to change your N95 mask, etc.

    Surgical masks are made of polypropylene, a nonwoven paper substance that allows air to pass through it but not droplets of moisture. They don’t stop airborne particles from passing into your nose and mouth. For that, you need an N95.

    • In March 2020, the New York City COVID-19 deaths averaged over 400 per day. On March 30, 2020, New York City EMS received 7,253 calls – one call every 12 seconds!
    • The telemetry office couldn’t keep up. There was 1 physician fielding all questions from EMS crews in a city of over 8 million people!
    • Hospitals didn’t have enough ventilators or CPAP machines. For all the people who were dying in the hospital, many more were dying before they even got there – at home, in ambulances, or in lines to the emergency departments.
    • At one point, the author had 14 calls in 16 hours, and every patient died!

    Patients’ families want to believe that something can be done, that the outcome will change if the patient goes to the hospital. But the medical system was so swamped during the pandemic that our protocols had changed. As of March 31, 2020, we were transporting patients only if we got a pulse back at the scene. Hospitals didn’t have the resources to try to resuscitate them, and we didn’t have the resources to transport them, so we had to pronounce these patients dead then and there.” By April 2020, if there was no pulse or electrical activity in the heart after 20 minutes, paramedics/EMS were instructed to stop CPR and pronounce the patient dead.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “A Bit Much: Poems” was written by Lyndsay Rush, a comedy writer and the poet behind the popular Instagram account @maryoliversdrunkcousin. This book was great, and I highly recommend it!

    Here are some of my favorites:

    When your surroundings begin to feel cold and uninhabitable and your environment no longer offers the support or sustenance you need, I hope you migrate. I hope, as you make your way down south, that you find another silly goose to fly with, too – in such a tight-knit formation that Wikipedia would refer to your crew as plump. And I hope that no matter how long the journey takes you, the wind is always at your back; nudging you closer to home.

    “Starting something new is like a one-man show for a one-man audience; the only applause worth seeking is your own. Don’t rob yourself of that while you wait for approval from somewhere else. Sometimes winning yourself over is the greatest show on earth.“

    “A great philosopher once said I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes (I saw the sign). But when you see the world through rose-colored glasses, it can be hard to recognize a red flag. So what I have learned is this: If they’re mean to the waiter, they’ll be mean to you. If they never follow through, they will never show up. If it hurts your stomach, it will hurt your heart. You can’t temper a storm, but you can sure as hell evacuate the beach.“

    “If cauliflower can be pasta, you can be whatever you want.“

    5 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – January 30, 2025

    It’s been over a month since I’ve posted a Thoughtful Thursday post. I am discerning whether to continue with weekly Thoughtful Thursday posts or whether to post those less often so that I can post more book posts. With that said, here are some of the most interesting things I’ve learned this month!

    The Mel Robbins Podcast – The Top Expert Advice of the Year

    • People will consistently give you what you allow them to give you. You are in control of two things in this world: what you give and what you accept. 
    • Boundaries are not walls to keep things out. Boundaries are bridges to let the right things in. 
    • Boundaries are meant to protect your peace and your energy. When you’re setting boundaries, ask yourself what you need in your life right now, what boundary you need to set that will lead you to what you need, and why you must stick to the boundary. What is it costing you not to stick to this boundary? Your future? Your peace? You tell people how to treat you by what you continuously accept. 
    • You spend more time trying to protect the battery on your smartphone than you do protecting your own or recharging your own battery. 
    • LET THEM is a boundary. 

    I really enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player:

    https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/how-can-i-read-your-mind-better

    How Can I Read Your Mind Better?

    January 8, 2025

    i.e. What are your unspoken expectations?

    This is at the heart of so much heartbreak and frustration in this business.

    Our personal expectations are ‘just the way it is’…and it’s easy to think they’re shared by others…or at least they should have read my mind by now.

    It’s worth asking the people around you what they’re really hoping for. You’re sure to learn something new. Something they’ve been thinking all along but secretly expecting you to just read their mind.

    You’re good but you’re not that good. You’re going to have to ask.

    I am enrolled in UCC Contracts/Business Law and Probate Law this semester for my paralegal certificate program. I am not an attorney, and this is not legal advice. These are some fascinating facts I have learned so far.

    For most contracts, the general rule is that while it’s not illegal to enter into a contract with a minor, the contract is voidable at the discretion of the minor. Once reaching the age of majority, they can also disaffirm contracts. The cases I read that stood out to me involved minors voiding arbitration clauses in contracts and voiding waivers of liability by voiding contracts. I believe this can be a risk of liability for employers who hire minors. For example:

    Pak Foods Houston, LLC v. Garcia, 433 S.W.3d 171 (Tex. App.—Houston [14th Dist.] 2014) involved a personal injury claim. A minor filed a personal injury claim against a fast-food restaurant. The restaurant filed a motion to compel arbitration based on an arbitration agreement that the minor signed as part of an employment agreement. The court found that the contract was voidable, and the minor disaffirmed the agreement by terminating her employment and filing suit.

    I’ve been intrigued by the many rules of Probate Law this semester and how different state statutes vary. For those with wills, a spouse cannot be disinherited in the will, but disinheriting children is allowed. Each state has a plan for the assets of those who die without wills. As an example, for those who die without wills in Minnesota:

    524.2-102 SHARE OF THE SPOUSE.

    The intestate share of a decedent’s surviving spouse is:

    (1) the entire intestate estate if:

    (i) no descendant of the decedent survives the decedent; or

    (ii) all of the decedent’s surviving descendants are also descendants of the surviving spouse and there is no other descendant of the surviving spouse who survives the decedent;

    (2) the first $225,000, plus one-half of any balance of the intestate estate, if all of the decedent’s surviving descendants are also descendants of the surviving spouse and the surviving spouse has one or more surviving descendants who are not descendants of the decedent, or if one or more of the decedent’s surviving descendants are not descendants of the surviving spouse.

    In other words, if you are married without kids and die without a will, your surviving spouse gets 100% of your assets. If you are married with kids and neither you nor your spouse have kids with other people, your surviving spouse gets 100% of your assets. Yet, if you are married with kids and you or your spouse have living kids that are not biologically shared, your living spouse gets the first $225,000 plus 1/2 of any balance of the estate, and the rest gets split up between all of the kids (descendants).

    My husband and I are doing the Bible in a Year series with Fr. Mike Schmitz, which has been so informative and interesting so far. One thing that has resonated with me so far is that many of us are pharaohs to ourselves. We make ourselves so busy that we don’t have time to think about God. We make ourselves so busy that we have made ourselves into slaves by saying “I have to do this, I have to do that” and all of the other things that we’ve set up. We’ve set up a pace of life for ourselves that is unmanageable, and we don’t have time for worship. God’s people were never meant to be slaves – not a slave to Pharaoh and not a slave to the pharaoh that lives inside of us. We are meant to be free so that we can truly belong to Him.

    And if you aren’t religious, this can still also apply to several other areas of your life. What are the things that you are making yourself a slave to? Are you spending too much time working, scrolling on your phone, etc.? What are the things you say you don’t have time for? What are you doing with your time instead? Are you making time for the things you say matter the most to you?

    Perhaps the most fascinating thing I learned this month was about the existence of the syndrome known as R-CPD (inability to burp).

    What are the symptoms of R-CPD?

    Additional symptoms, outside of the lifelong inability to burp or belch, can include:

    • Abdominal and/or chest bloating and pain
    • Excessive flatulence
    • Nausea
    • Gurgling noises from the neck and chest
    • Difficulty vomiting or fear of vomiting (emetophobia)

    As shown, the chief complaints are GI-related. Yet, GI doctors (and many other doctors) are not aware of this condition, leading many to run numerous tests instead of asking the right questions. In an ideal world, when patients complain of bloating, gas, nausea, and gurgling, GI providers and other providers would ask “Can you burp?” If not, they should be treated for R-CPD. There are not many providers who are aware of and treat this syndrome.

    Here is more information about it, such as the symptoms, treatment, etc. There is even a Reddit community for this condition: https://www.reddit.com/r/noburp

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Read This Before Our Next Meeting

    “Read This Before Our Next Meeting” was written by Al Pittampalli, the founder of the Modern Meeting Company, which has helped organizations hold more effective meetings. This book was direct and to the point.

    In a world with fewer meetings, we’d have more time for our real work, the work we do that actually propels our organizations forward.

    The modern meeting:

    • doesn’t make decisions. Leaders do. Consult others via e-mail or one-on-one and make a preliminary decision.
    • has two primary functions: conflict and coordination
    • moves fast and ends on schedule. Strong deadlines force parties to resolve the hard decisions necessary for progress.
    • limits the number of attendees.
    • rejects the unprepared. Prepare an agenda.
    • produces committed action plans. No minutes are required; you only need to know the decision and resulting action plan.
    • refuses to be informational. Reading memos is mandatory.
    • works only alongside a culture of brainstorming

    The modern meeting is for finalizing your preliminary decision, generating buy-in, and agreeing on next steps. In advance of the meeting, inform attendees of the decision you plan to make as well as the reasoning behind that decision.

    During the meeting, allow attendees to ask questions, voice concerns, and propose modifications. If all goes well, a consensus is achieved, a decision is resolved, and an action plan is coordinated.

    Invite only the people who are absolutely necessary for resolving the decision that has been presented. If you have no strong opinion, have no interest in the outcome, and are not instrumental for any coordination that needs to take place, you don’t need to attend.

    Prepare an agenda. Every meeting should require pre-meeting work. The modern meeting is about conflict and coordination, two activities that hinge upon preparation.

    8 principles of the modern meeting:

    • Only after you’ve reached a preliminary decision can you call a meeting.
    • Get everyone on the same page and create an action plan.
    • Enforce firm meeting end times. The meeting ends, a decision is resolved, and participants get back to work. Start on time.
    • Only people who are critical to the outcome are invited to the modern meeting. Small numbers allow decisions to be resolved quickly and plans to be coordinated smoothly.
    • The modern meeting rejects the unprepared. An agenda is distributed well in advance and establishes the decision being debated or the action being coordinated. You must carefully think through different scenarios and come up with thoughtful responses.
    • The modern meeting produces committed action plans. What actions are we committing to? Who is responsible for each action? When will those actions be completed? It’s the meeting leader’s responsibility to follow up and hold participants accountable for their commitments.
      • If no action plan is necessary, neither is a meeting!
    • Informational meetings aren’t necessary. Managers must write memos instead. Everyone must commit to reading them.
    • The modern meeting is about decision and the narrowing of options. Brainstorming is necessary.

    Amazon and Google are both notable in their meeting practices and share many elements of the modern meeting.

    This was an interesting book. I agree with some of it, as I have had to attend several meetings just so that management or clients could “check a box” from their weekly to-do list that a meeting was held. This is not effective. However, in my current role, we occasionally have virtual video meetings so that we can get to know and see others we don’t see in person. I enjoy having time set aside for that.

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Real Self-Care

    “Real Self-Care” was a much needed, straightforward book written by Pooja Lakshmin, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist, New York Times contributor, and the founder and CEO of Gemma, the physician-led women’s mental health community.

    For many women, self-care ends up being another burden, another thing on the to-do list to feel bad about because they aren’t doing it right. Women are pulled in two opposing directions: asked to be selfless and accommodating to the needs of others and, simultaneously, to excel professionally and personally.

    Real self-care vs faux self-care:

    Applying a methodology of faux self-care is reactive, whereas practicing real self-care is proactive.

    Faux self-care is a noun, typically describing an activity or a product. Real self-care is a verb, describing an invisible, internal decision-making process.

    3 most common reasons why we tend to turn to faux self-care:

    • escape – using self-care to escape our regular lives seldom results in lasting change. Our true selves are located in our daily choices.
      • Whatever the setting, you get to “retreat” from the real world and hermit away in a beautiful environment, but no matter how much self-care you do, you’re still you.
    • achievement – based on shame. Another activity to excel at/conquer. Perfectionism, workaholism, and capitalism.
      • “My self-worth strongly depends on my ability to be seen as a success.”
    • optimization – trying to maximize every possible aspect of life and trying to be the most efficient, productive, and controlled.
      • Optimization will just breed more optimization – equating self-worth with productivity

    What is real self-care?

    • Real self-care requires boundaries and moving past guilt. You must be assertive in prioritizing your own needs and desires.
    • Real self-care means treating yourself with compassion.
    • Real self-care brings you closer to yourself and getting to know your core values, beliefs, and desires.
    • Real self-care is an assertion of power. It’s about saying what works for you and what doesn’t.

    Real self-care is all about making space for you – your thoughts, feelings, and priorities in life. Setting boundaries is how we take our time, energy, and attention back. Ex: you don’t have to answer your phone. Setting boundaries is about recognizing you have a choice and communicating it. Learn to say no.

    The longer you stick with a relationship, job, or situation that isn’t working for you, the higher the emotional cost to set a boundary.

    Listen to what your body is telling you: dread, nausea, palpitations, etc. Learn to say no.

    In all situations, you can say yes, you can say no, or you can negotiate. Your boundary is in your pause.

    Tips for practicing compassion:

    • Replace self-judgment with self-kindness.
    • Practice receiving support/love/attention. Say yes to offers of help.
    • Connect with your body and rest when your body is tired.
    • Know your values. What sort of person do you want to be? What really matters to you? Does your action align with your values? Know your HOW and WHY. Recognize that in each season of your life, you will have different priorities.
    • Your boundaries are a reflection of how willing you are to advocate for the life you want. You must separate your own needs and preferences from the opinions of other people who have a vested interest in your life.
    • Every boundary you set is a reminder that you have agency over how you spend your time and your energy. Be clear, be concise, and don’t apologize.
    • Compassion is something you must give to yourself; you can’t expect it to always come from outside.

    These common examples are NOT practicing compassion:

    • “I can save time by doing it myself.” Women tend to bear the heavy mental load because they believe others are less efficient or don’t do things quite right. This leads to resentment and rage that builds up all because it’s “easier and faster.”
    • Martyr mode – extending yourself toward others and expecting praise/support/attention and losing your cool when that expectation is not met.

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Books I Read in 2024

    Here is a complete list of the books I read in 2024, listed in the order that I read them. I was very busy with work, school, and other commitments in 2024 and did not post many detailed book reviews. When I created this blog, my intention was to read, learn, and share about the books I read, so I hope to post more book reviews in 2025.

    1. 101 Things I Learned in Advertising School by Tracy Arrington with Matthew Frederick

    2. The Book You Want Everyone You Love* To Read by Philippa Perry

    3. Internal Medicine: A Doctor’s Stories by Terry Holt

    4. Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann

    5. Good Talk by Mira Jacobs

    You can read mini book burbs about books 1-5 here: https://wordpress.com/post/readlearnshare.blog/4548

    6. Her Honor: My Life on the Bench . . . What Works, What’s Broken, and How to Change It by LaDoris H. Cordell

    7. Flawless: Lessons in Looks and Culture from the K-Beauty Capital by Elise Hu

    8. I’ll Fly Away by Rudy Francisco

    9. How to Break Up With Your Phone by Catherine Price

    You can read mini book blurbs about books 6-9 here: https://wordpress.com/post/readlearnshare.blog/4766

    10. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by Leil Lowndes

    11. Like, Literally, Dude: Arguing for the Good in Bad English by Valerie Fridland

    12. 100 Ways to Change Your Life by Liz Moody

    13. Excuse Me As I Kiss the Sky by Rudy Francisco

    You can read mini book blurbs about books 10-13 here: https://wordpress.com/post/readlearnshare.blog/5064

    14. The Sun Does Shine by Anthony Ray Hinton

    15. Warren Buffett Invests Like A Girl And Why You Should, Too by LouAnn Lofton

    16. Unreasonable Hospitality: the Remarkable Power of Giving People More Than They Expect by Will Guidara

    17. The Book of (More) Delights by Ross Gay

    You can read mini book blurbs about books 14-17 here: https://wordpress.com/post/readlearnshare.blog/5220

    18. Becoming A Crime Scene Investigator by Jacqueline Detwiler-George

    19. Know Your Endo by Jessica Murnane

    20. The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van Der Kolk, M.D.

    21. Extreme Measures: Finding a Better Path to the End of Life by Jessica Nutik Zitter, MD

    You can read mini book blurbs about books 18-21 here: https://wordpress.com/post/readlearnshare.blog/5376

    22. Vagina Problems: Endometriosis, Painful Sex, and Other Taboo Topics by Lara Parker

    23. Stop Overthinking by Nick Trenton

    24. Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I’d Known Earlier by Kevin Kelly

    25. One Decision Away: Key Principles to Create What You Want in Life and Work by Paula Melo Doroff

    26. In the Form of A Question: The Joys and Rewards of a Curious Life by Amy Schneider

    You can read mini book blurbs about books 22-26 here: https://wordpress.com/post/readlearnshare.blog/5584

    27. A Thousand Naked Strangers by Kevin Hazzard

    28. What’s Eating Us: Women, Food, and the Epidemic of Body Anxiety by Cole Kazdin

    29. The Courage of Compassion: A Journey From Judgment to Connection by Robin Steinberg

    You can read mini book blurbs about books 27-29 here: https://wordpress.com/post/readlearnshare.blog/5734

    30. The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Schafler

    31. If My Body Could Speak: Poems by Blythe Baird

    32. Lessons Learned and Cherished: The Teacher Who Changed My Life by Deborah Roberts

    33. Picturing Joy: Stories of Connection by George Lange (Photographer)

    34. To Hell With the Hustle by Jefferson Bethke

    35. The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study on Happiness by Robert Waldinger, MD

    36. Calling A Wolf A Wolf: Poems by Kaveh Akbar

    You can read mini book blurbs about books 30-36 here: https://wordpress.com/post/readlearnshare.blog/5858

    37. Crossing Fifty-One: Not Quite A Memoir by Debbie Russell

    38. We Came, We Saw, We Left: A Family Gap Year by Charles Wheelan

    39. Ultra-Processed People: The Science Behind Food that Isn’t Food by Chris van Tulleken

    You can read mini book blurbs about books 37-39 here: https://wordpress.com/post/readlearnshare.blog/5985

    40. Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World by Jonnie Allen

    41. A Good Time for the Truth: Race in Minnesota edited by Sun Yung Shin

    42. If My Flowers Bloom: Poems by Deshara Suggs-Joe

    43. Ex traction: Poems by Lara Coley

    44. Never Not Working: Why the Always-On Culture is Bad for Business – and How to Fix It by Malissa Clark

    45. All the Gold Stars: Reimagining Ambition and the Ways We Strive by Rainesford Stauffer

    You can read mini book blurbs about books 40-45 here: https://wordpress.com/post/readlearnshare.blog/6097

    46. Where I Dry The Flowers: Poems by Ollie Schminkey

    47. Self-Care Activities for Women by Cicely Horsham Brathwaite, PhD

    48. How to Be Perfect: An Illustrated Guide Words by Ron Padgett Pictures by Jason Novak

    49. Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World by Devorah Heitner

    50. Exactly What to Say: The Magic Words for Influence and Impact by Phil M. Jones

    51. The Complications: On Going Insane in America by Emmett Rensin

    You can read mini book blurbs about books 46-51 here: https://wordpress.com/post/readlearnshare.blog/6226

    52. The Fire This Time: A New Generation Speaks About Race edited by Jesmyn Ward

    53. Employment Law: A Very Short Introduction by David Cabrelli

    54. Learning to Disagree: The Surprising Path to Navigating Differences with Empathy and Respect by John D. Inazu

    55. About Time: Poems by Neil Hilborn

    56. The Little Book of Sleep: The Art of Natural Sleep by Nerina Ramiakhan

    57. The One Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson

    You can read mini book blurbs about books 52-57 here: https://wordpress.com/post/readlearnshare.blog/6308

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • December 2024 Reads

    I read six books in December, some of which were short and easy reads. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in December.

    “The Fire This Time: A New Generation Speaks About Race” was edited by Jasmyn Ward, an author and associate professor of Creative Writing at Tulane University who has won several writing awards. This book demonstrated the power in words – the power in asserting our existence, experience, and lives through words. This book was selected as a book club read for my employer. Here are some quotes that stood out to me:

    • [During an internship at a magazine that was more than 150 years old] “Sometime during the end of my first week, a chatty senior editor approached me in the corridor. During the course of our conversation, I was informed that I was almost certainly the first black person to ever intern at the magazine and there had never been any black editors. On good days, being the first black intern meant having my work done quickly and sounding extra witty around the water cooler; it meant I was chipping away at the glass ceiling that seemed to top most of the literary world. But on bad days I gagged on my resentment and furiously wondered why I was selected. I became paranoid that I was merely a product of affirmative action, even though I knew I wasn’t.”
    • “I accepted the reality that the historic colonial houses – now the business residences of attorneys, hairstylists, insurance agents, and doctors – were considered by more people to be more valuable than the bodies below them.”
    • “Empathy requires us to dig way down into the murk, deeper than our own feelings go, to a place where the boundaries between our experience and everyone else’s no longer exist.“
    • Rules of walking – “no running, especially at night; no sudden movements; no hoodies; no objects – especially shiny ones – in hand; no waiting for friends on street corners or standing near a corner on the cellphone lest I be mistaken for a drug dealer“

    This book provided thought-provoking perspectives of race and minorities.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Employment Law: A Very Short Introduction” was written by David Cabrelli, the professor of Labour Law at the University of Edinburgh and the author of 5 books. This book contained a decent overview of employment law, and I learned about other countries; however, I learned much more in my Employment Law class this semester. Here are some main points:

    • Employment contract = employment relationship and rights. No employment contract = no employment relationship and rights. The various roles governing the constitution, classification, variation, contact, performance, suspension, and termination of the employment relationship are all derived from contract law.
    • There is a rise of atypical workers in the labor markets of advanced Western economies, such as the U.S. These independent contractors work very flexibly and as and when they want and often suffer from low pay, little or no job protection or security of earnings, and are subject to the control of those hiring their labor.
    • British legislation enacted in 1971 protects employees from unfair dismissals. The USA remains an exception to most countries. The USA has an employment-at-will doctrine, which safeguards the liberty of the employee to resign and find another job without liability and allows the employer to discharge the employee without sanction.
    • One thing that stood out to me, that I hadn’t considered previously, is the quote that “Employers operating at below a living wage are free riding on the back of the public purse.”

    This book was a very general overview of employment law, but other books cover much more information.

    3 out of 5 stars

    “Learning to Disagree: The Surprising Path to Navigating Differences with Empathy and Respect” was an insightful book written by John D. Inazu, a Distinguished Professor of Law and Religion at Washington University in St. Louis. Multiple studies have shown that Americans have a growing disdain for those who differ from them politically and ideologically. We deride our political, religious, and ideological opponents as dangerous or evil and retreat to digital foxholes. This book is a necessary read for many people and a reminder to treat people as humans. Here are some main takeaways:

    • Good lawyering requires empathy for adversaries. You don’t have to like the other side, but you do have to understand them. How are you going to persuade a judge that you have the better story? The better you understand the other side of an argument, the better you can critique it and the more strongly you can defend your own position.
    • Assume the best of someone to open the door to deeper understanding and an opportunity to learn from those who see the world differently. Distinguish people from the ideas they hold. Other people are humans with whom you share many things in common. That doesn’t mean you will always share – or even respect – their ideas.
    • Recognize the limits to your knowledge and understanding. Embrace the likelihood that you won’t be able to convince everyone who thinks differently that you are right and they are wrong.
    • Well-intentioned people can have differing beliefs without being evil. In a country as large and diverse as the United States, every one of us holds beliefs and opinions that other people think are beyond the pale.
    • Practice repentance, grace, and forgiveness.

    I highly recommend this book and will post a more detailed book blog about it sometime.

    5 out of 5 stars

    “About Time” is a book of poems by Neil Hilborn, a best-selling author and the most-watched poet ever (with over 150 million views). Neil has performed in 41 states and 8 countries. Neil is one of my favorite poets and is incredibly talented; with that said, I did not enjoy this book as much as his prior books. Here are some quotes that stood out to me:

    • “Ask the thoughts what they want: Why am I going to kill myself and if I do, go all the way to the logical end: Who will it hurt, what gets left behind, what good remains undone; dissect the bells, separate the ringing into a flat expanse and not the towering blaze telling you it is . . . “
    • “The Prozac makes me less tired but I’m still pretty tired but maybe that’s cause depression makes you tired.”
    • “I know why, but why is it that the pills will keep me alive but they give me enough to kill myself?“

    To quote my favorite TV personality slash parasocial therapist slash mommy? Doctor Robin Zasio of Hoarders fame: You’ve got to feel it to heal it. As it relates to hoarding, I think she means that if you never throw out things you accumulate then you don’t have to deal with the emotional context around those things.

    Many of the poems were somewhat depressing, but this poem provided humor.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “The Little Book of Sleep: The Art of Natural Sleep” was written by Nerina Ramlakhan, a professional physiologist and sleep therapist for 25 years who runs sleep and wellness programs at Nightingale Hospital in London. This book was a quick, easy read. One description reads: “Drawing on Western science and Eastern practices, this beautifully illustrated guide to sleep teaches that, by making better choices in our waking hours, we can positively influence our sleep.” Here are some tips from the book.

    • Sattvic describes the type of sleep we should be getting – pure, deep, natural, and healing. This is the kind of sleep where you wake up feeling refreshed, filled with vitality, and looking forward to the day ahead.
    • The journey back to deep sleep is about working on yourself to create an inner core of safety and making lifestyle choices that will help your nervous system to recalibrate and shift back into safety mode if you’ve been running on survival mode.
    • Tips:
      • Eat within 30 minutes of waking.
      • Reduce your caffeine intake to less than 300 mg per day. The half-life of caffeine is 5 hours. Avoid any caffeine until you’ve eaten.
      • Drink plenty of water.
      • Take breaks from technology. Withdraw from technology an hour before you get into bed. Don’t keep your phone in your bedroom or watch TV in bed.
      • Create a sanctuary in your bedroom. Think soft, relaxing colors, essential oils, and cool and well-ventilated.
      • Try breath awareness exercises.
      • Increase your oxytocin levels by expressing your feelings, getting a massage, hugging someone, stroking your pet, and engaging in activities that make you feel at your best, happy, and carefree.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “The One Minute Manager” was cowritten by Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson. Ken Blanchard is a prominent, gregarious, sought-after author, speaker, and business consultant. Spencer Johnson, M.D. is the author or coauthor of numerous New York Times bestselling books. This book was an insightful and easy read, although it could have been more concise. Here are the main habits of a one minute manager:

    • One Minute Goal Setting – set goals with their people to make sure they know what they are being held accountable for and what good performance looks like
    • One Minute Praising – try to catch their people doing something right so that they can give them a One Minute Praising
    • One Minute Reprimand – reprimand people immediately and tell people specifically what they did wrong then remind them how much you value them and reaffirm that that you think well of them but not of their performance in this situation.

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – December 12, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Mental Performance Daily – Culture Killers

    • BCD – blaming, complaining, and getting defensive – transfer of accountability and responsibility
    • Be accountable, responsible, and coachable.
    • Another culture killer – me over we mentality – put team over yourself. When the team has success, you have success. When the team gets noticed, you get noticed. Don’t be an energy sucker.
    • Put we over me and eliminate BCD

    TED Talks Daily – Why you think you look bad in photos

    • You’ve been looking at a reflection of yourself your whole life – looking in a mirror. Your brain gets a clear idea of what you look like. When you’re seeing a photograph, you’re seeing the reverse. Most of us are not symmetrical in our facial attributes.
      • Overcome this by looking at yourself in photos more.
    • You may not resonate with how you are being portrayed. Not everyone feels confident in photos.
      • Get curious and ask yourself what you’re struggling to accept about the image and whether it has anything to do with how you are being portrayed. Looking bad in photos has less to do with how you look and more to do with how you think.
    • You’ve taught yourself to hyper fixate on your insecurities.
      • Focus instead on who you were with, what you were doing, and how you were feeling the moment the photo you were taken. When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
    • We’ve put unrealistic expectations on photography and our bodies. Disappointment is the gap that exists between expectation and reality. Photography’s only job is to capture a fraction of a second, but we’ve made these fractions of a second create a big narrative – such as I look bad in photos – that prevent us from showing up and being present in our lives.
    • We’ve decided certain angles are better than others.
      • Accomplishments, achievements, love, passion, creativity, and brilliance don’t change between photos. Your children, pets, and grandchildren see you at your worst angles and don’t love you any less or care about you any less. You are worthy of being photographed.
      • We put pressure on how we are going to show up in photographs, and this pressure prevents a lot of us from showing up in photographs with and for the people we love the most.

    Hidden Brain – The Secret to Gift Giving

    • Obligations are probably the single biggest reason that gifts are given in the first place, whether it’s for Christmas, a birthday, an anniversary, or a graduation. When you get a gift, it feels like you have to return that gesture at an appropriate moment – whether it’s at that moment, the next birthday, etc.
    • Recipients are often focused on the experience of the gift over the ownership of the gift. When you receive something, in the moment it might make you happy, but does it actually provide you value and utility and joy for the duration of owning whatever it is that you’ve received? Sometimes the things that bring you happiness in the moment are not the things that bring you happiness in the long-term.
    • The surprise is something that gift givers think is critical to a recipient. When I give you a gift, I have this belief that you will only value that gift if you don’t expect receiving it. That is simply not true.
    • A lot of people imagine that the reason gifts are exchanged is because we’re trying to make other people happy. But there are also selfish reasons for giving a gift, such as signaling who you are as a person and as a gift giver and signaling that you’re a creative gift giver. Sometimes people who think they’re creative make sure that the choices of gifts are creative even at the expense of the recipient. Ex: not giving the same gift to the same person another year and not giving the same gift to someone else
    • The cost of a gift is not nearly as predictive in terms of happiness of the recipient as people tend to think.
    • The research is pretty clear that recipients do not value socially conscious gifts as much as givers hope they would. Ex: charity donation, planting a tree, etc.
    • Idea: family spreadsheet – “Whenever one of us has a desire for an item of some sort that exceeds some minimum expense, we put it on there as a potential gift that we would love to receive at some point. And what’s nice about that is when it’s time to fulfill my obligation, I’m not racking my brain trying to figure out what would make her happy. It still maintains an element of surprise in the form of the timing of the object itself. She might know that she wants item X, but she’s not going to know that I’m going to give it to her at a specific time.”
    • Receiver is overjoyed when they get exactly what they want
    • Experiential gifts – less of a wow factor upon opening, but providing a very valuable experience down the road
    • Recommendation: if you’re going to give a gift, do it on a random day. The value that people get when they receive gifts on non-occasions is so much higher because they have no expectations.

    I appreciated this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

    https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/the-next-episode

    The Next Episode

    December 6, 2024

    We don’t have it. That’s what makes our lives different from the all the things we stream.

    In streamer land we can always find out what’s next, we know the episode schedule, we have behind the scenes, we can binge it in two days and find out the end, or we can look up the end right now.

    That’s why we’re drawn to movies and tv and podcasts and stories…because we long for a complete story where it all makes sense and the loose ends are perfectly tied.

    But in real life we don’t have the next episode and we certainly don’t know the season finale. We’re living it.

    I enjoyed this post from Seth’s Blog this week:

    What if they’re right?

    What if they’re right?

    We spend a lot of time in our own heads, certain that our path and our method make sense. We often become more certain in the face of criticism or even suggestions.

    This confidence is essential, as it allows us to lean into our project.

    Once in a while, though, it might help to model the alternative. What if they’re right? How would that play out? If they’re right, what could I do with that insight?

    If it’s helpful, run with it.

    We can always go back to being right tomorrow.

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • November 2024 Reads

    I read six books in November, some of which were short and easy reads. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in November.

    “Where I Dry the Flowers” is a Button Poetry book of poems written by Ollie Schminkey, a non-binary transgender poet and artist who has spent the past decade coaching, mentoring, teaching classes, and running workshops for poets. Many poems in this book are about grieving the loss of a complex person. I highly recommend this book to anyone who loves poetry and/or is trying to process grief. Here are some lines I enjoyed from this book.

    Controversial opinion: In Defense of Speaking Ill of the Dead – “he is both: the man who would make us smoothies out of orange Kool-Aid and vanilla ice cream and the man who yelled when he drank and drank so often I’d run to the basement and lock the door.”

    “I think grief is always at least two things: one, the constant realization that your expectations for the future were wrong, and two, death has happened and it will again.“

    Forgiveness poem – “i never said it out loud. Maybe my father wanted forgiveness as much as I wanted an apology, but we stayed silent, the grudge, smooth as a pearl underneath our tongues. but it doesn’t mean i didn’t forgive him. and it doesn’t mean he wasn’t sorry . . . . when he offered me his death as an apology, i took it. of course, i took it.“

    One of my favorite poems from the book is this one. I love the idea of contrapuntals.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Self-Care Activities for Women: 101 Practical Ways to Slow Down and Reconnect With Yourself” was a quick, easy read with excellent ideas from Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite, PhD, a licensed counseling psychologist and coach with over two decades of experience. This book provided different ideas for self-care in different categories: emotional, physical, mental, social, and professional. I highly recommend this book for anyone looking for self-care ideas. Here are some of my favorite ideas from each category.

    Emotional self-care: Create your joy playlist. Create a list of songs that bring about positive memories and feelings, and schedule time in your calendar to listen to the entire playlist without multitasking whenever you need a mood shift.

    Physical self-care: Plan a hike and picnic outdoors with friends.

    Mental self-care: When you find yourself engaging in distracting behavior, reflect. What do I need right now? Is this giving me what I need, or do I need something else? Ex: may need a shower, hydration, exercise, rest, a hug, a good cry, journal reflection, or a talk with a friend.

    Social self-care: Schedule activities with people you’d like to get together with on a regular basis. Rotate hosting.

    Professional self-care: Establish a morning routine to set the tone for the rest of the day.

    Self-care = “the actions one takes on their behalf in service of their well-being. Self-care means giving the world the best of you instead of what is left of you.”

    5 out of 5 stars

    “How to Be Perfect: An Illustrated Guide” was a quick, fun, simple book written by Rod Padgett and illustrated by Jason Novak that took me under fifteen minutes to read. Here are a handful of my favorite lines.

    • Hope for everything. Expect nothing.
    • Be skeptical about all opinions, but try to see some value in each of them.
    • Learn something new every day.
    • Be honest with yourself and diplomatic with others.
    • Be on time, but if you are late do not give a detailed and lengthy excuse.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World” was written by Devorah Heitner, PhD, who has spoken and written widely about parenting and growing up in the digital age. This book was interesting and thought-provoking, and I highly recommend it for all parents or anyone who hopes to be a parent someday. This review sums it up:

    “A must-read for every parent. Emphasizing the importance of our children feeling seen instead of watched, mentored instead of monitored, this book is all at once a road map for preventing digital problems, a resource for what to do when things go wrong, and a crash course in how to empower our kids to become responsible, independent, and thoughtful digital citizens.” – Tina Payne Bryston, LCSW, PhD, NYT bestselling author of “The Whole Brain Child”

    I got a lot out of this book, and here are just some of the tips:

    • Mentoring is better than monitoring if we want to set our kids up for success. We want our kids to make good decisions, even when we are not right there.
    • We need to do a better job of mentoring kids on how to be intentional about how much they share both online and offline.
    • Common mistakes from teens and kids: carelessly taking a video of themselves making a crude hang gesture or using profanity, sharing videos of themselves making an unkind joke about a peer or teacher, taking selfies of vaping/drinking/drugs, taking a video mocking someone’s disability, wearing a racist Halloween costume, making fun of someone’s accent or body type, and liking or reposting problematic things.

    5 out of 5 stars

    “Exactly What To Say: The Magic Words for Influence and Impact” was written by Phil M. Jones. This book can be considered a masterclass in the art of influence, persuasion, and generating top-producing results. This book often came across as salesy – teaching the world to sell. I highly recommend this book to anyone in sales or anyone who wants to influence or persuade others.

    Here are some of the tips:

    • One of the biggest reasons your ideas fail to get heard is that others tell you that they just don’t have the time to consider them. By using the preface, “When would be a good time to . . .?” you prompt the other person to subconsciously assume that there will be a good time and that no is not an option.
    • The words, “As I see it, you have three options” help the other person through the decision-making process and allow you to appear impartial in doing so. Present your option last and as the easiest. Then ask “What’s going to be easier for you?“
    • “What happens next is . . . ” brings people through to the completion that needs to follow. It is your responsibility to lead the conversation, and following the sharing of the required information, your role is to move it toward a close.
    • Success in negotiating is all about maintaining control in a conversation, and the person in control is always the person who is asking the questions. Challenge objections with “What makes you say that?” This shift of control now leaves the other person obligated to give an answer and fill in the gaps in their previous statement.

    5 out of 5 stars

    “The Complications: On Going Insane In America” was written by Emmett Rensin, who reflects on his life with schizoaffective disorder of the bipolar type: the hospitals and medication, the lost jobs and friends, the periods of mania and psychosis, the medication-induced tremor in his hands, etc. This book elevates the conversation around mental illness and challenges us to reexamine what we think we know about a world where one in a hundred people go mad. I learned a lot from this book and highly recommend it to anyone who wants to learn more about mental disorders. Here are some of my takeaways:

    • Some psychotic disorders become milder with age. Others are deteriorating, progressive conditions. Outcomes are difficult to predict.
    • The causes of severe psychiatric dysfunction are not thoroughly understood, but it is widely perceived that genes are not enough. Some additional event typically precipitates the full break. Trauma, substance abuse, and brain injury are common suspects.
    • It takes 7-8 years, on average, after initial onset of symptoms to get a diagnosis.
    • While brain abnormalities exist in some psychiatric patients, there are no consistent organic “signs” of madness, not any biological test for any psychiatric pathology.
    • “In between the positive exclamations of a psychotic disorder – bouts of delusion, mania, hallucinatory experience – are the dull murmurs of what we call negative symptoms, which generally include a blunt affect, social isolation, difficulty feeling pleasure, a lack of willpower, and poverty of speech.
    • “One of the greatest predictors of patient prognosis in the case of psychotic disorders is the degree of patient insight, which is to say, the degree to which the patient is aware of their disorder. If you cannot believe that you are ill, then you are unlikely to take your medication. If you do not take your medication, your condition will worsen. If your condition worsens, you are no more likely to take your medication or engage in the tedium of self-care.”

    This reflection from the author stood out to me:

    I am afraid of reaching a point where I do not want help, do not believe that I need help, where I run away from anyone who tries to help me, or worse, where I become so terrified or angry or violent that I hurt those people until they are not willing to help me anymore. I am afraid that one day I will become so sick that I reach the end of other people’s charity.

    4 out of 5 stars – at times, this book was difficult to read and seemingly consisted of tangents and ramblings – however, this was likely due to periods of mania.

    4 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • November 2025 Reads

    I read 3 books in November. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in November.

    “You Gotta Eat” was written by Margaret Eby, a deputy food editor for the Philadelphia Inquirer. This book contained ideas for living deliciously without impossible effort. Here are some of the many ideas from the book:

    • Season mac and cheese with Old Bay seasoning, taco seasoning, Cajun seasoning, or ranch seasoning. Even better: add ground hamburger and taco seasoning.
    • For theatre-style popcorn, add Flavacol.
    • Baked potato topping ideas: Cajun seasoning, curry powder, taco seasoning, or chili crisp

    3-ingredient sauce formulas:

    • stir-fry sauce: 4 tbsp soy sauce, 1 tbsp sriracha, and 1 tbsp brown sugar
    • sauce for sheet pan vegetables: 2 tbsp tahini (or 1 tbsp peanut butter and 1 tbsp water), 2 tbsp hoisin sauce, and 2 tbsp water
    • Thai-inspired sauce: 1 tbsp brown sugar, 1 tbsp fish sauce, and 1 tbsp lime juice

    This book was an easy read and contained easy recipe ideas.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Justice: What’s the Right Thing to Do?” was written by Michael J. Sandel, who has taught political philosophy to Harvard undergraduates for over three decades. This book was a journey in moral and political reflection and invites readers to subject their own views about justice to critical examination and to figure out what they think and why. This book relates the big questions of political philosophy to the most vexing issues of our time. Here are some of the main ideas:

    • utilitarianism = maximize utility/happiness and prevent pain or suffering. Utilitarianism fails to respect individual rights.
      • Ex: in ancient Rome, they threw Christians to the lions in the Coliseum for the amusement of the crowd.
    • libertarianism = libertarians favor unfettered markets and oppose government regulation, not in the name of economic efficiency but in the name of human freedom.
      • Libertarians oppose laws to protect people from harming themselves and believe that these laws violate the rights of the individual to decide what risks to assume.
        • Ex: seatbelt laws
      • Libertarians oppose using the coercive force of law to promote notions of virtue or to express the mora convictions of the majority.
        • Ex: prostitution laws
      • Libertarians object to Social Security, minimum wage laws, employment discrimination laws, and occupational licensing requirements. The libertarian sees a moral continuity from taxation (taking my earnings) to forced labor (taking my labor) to slavery (denying that I own myself).
    • Kant’s critical philosophy/enlightenment = the moral worth of an action consists not in the consequences that flow from it, but in the intention from which the act is done. What matters is doing the right thing because it’s right, not for some ulterior motive.
      • Universalize your maxim. Think “What if everybody did that?”
    • John Rawls – equality = the way to think about justice is to ask what principles we would choose in an original position of equality, behind a veil of ignorance.

    When engaging in public discourse about justice and rights, we must abide by the limits of liberal public reason. To check whether we are following public reason, we might ask: How would our argument strike us presented in the form of a Supreme Court opinion? Like Supreme Court justices, we should set aside our moral and religious convictions and restrict ourselves to arguments that all citizens can reasonably be expected to accept.

    This book contained thought-provoking examples to critically analyze what you think and why.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Anatomy of a Con Artist: the 14 Red Flags to Spot Scammers, Grifters, and Thieves” was written by Emmy-winning former TV reporter and current reality TV producer Johnathan Walton. He is also a host, writer, and executive producer of the hit podcast Queen of the Con and was unfortunately the victim of a con artist. This book contained 14 red flags of con artists and detailed examples of several real cases, including the con artist who scammed him. Here are some main takeaways:

    • “I just want to help.” Con artists are rescue merchants. They will suddenly show up when there’s a problem or a disaster or unrest. They’ve learned that if they can offer a solution to a major problem someone’s having, the person in trouble will focus exclusively on the offered solution, and it’ll blind them to everything else – ultimately enabling the con artist to scam them.
    • Con artists don’t outsmart you. They out-feel you. One of the biggest ways con artists trick you into giving them money is by using invented drama.
    • Once you wire your money to someone, unless you catch it very quickly and alert the bank that there’s a problem, that money is gone forever. Con artists love wires because the transactions are quick and permanent. Never send wires!
    • Dale Carnegie techniques con artists use:
      • “Arise in the other person an eager want.”
      • “To be interesting, be interested.” Con artists learn as much about you as possible as fast as they can.
      • “Dramatize your ideas.”
      • “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” They use your name a lot in conversations.

    If you suddenly realize that you are the victim of a con artist, you need to create a timeline with details of what happened. Pitching a criminal case to the police is a lot like pitching a show to a television executive. You have to make it compelling, succinct, easy to follow, easy to understand, and impossible to ignore.

    • When and how did you meet this person? What stories did they tell you and on what dates? When did the money change hands? Why did you give them money? What was the lie or lies they told you? How and when did you figure out they were lying?
    • Gather up and print all of the texts and emails.
    • Do a criminal and civil case search on court websites, PACER, or BeenVerified.com.
    • Reach out to people who know this con artist and tell them you were scammed. Ask if they or anyone they know was scammed.
    • Write a sworn affidavit and get it notarized.
    • Rehearse your speech before going to law enforcement and come with all evidence.
    • Call the police frequently and ask for an update.

    I highly recommend this book to learn about the red flags of con artists to watch out for!

    5 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • October 2025 Reads

    I read 6 books in October! Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in October.

    “Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues” was written by David Bradford and Carole Robin, who have taught interpersonal skills to MBA candidates in their legendary Stanford Graduate School of Business Course, Interpersonal Dynamics, and have coached and consulted hundreds of executives for decades. This book was a transformative guide to building more fulfilling relationships and focused on cultivating authenticity vulnerability, and honesty while being willing to ask for and offer help, share a commitment to growth, and deal productively with conduct. I learned so much from this book. Here are just a few takeaways:

    Exceptional relationships involve mutual commitment, a steady and ongoing process of increasing self-disclosure, stretching beyond your comfort zone, and seeing setbacks as something to explore and learn from rather than as a reason to retreat.

    Feedback is the breakfast of champions. Feedback starts a conversation. It doesn’t end it. Building relationships where each person feels free to give and ask for feedback is key both to preventing pinches from becoming crunches and to helping each person develop in new and more effective ways.

    • Intent = needs, motives, emotions, and intentions
    • Behavior = words, tone, gestures, facial expressions
    • Impact

    Each person can initially only know 2 of the 3 realities. You have to stay on your side of the net. You may know their behavior and impact, but you don’t know their intent. Sooner or later, the other person will tell you (or continuously show you).

    This is just a glimpse of the many lessons in this book. This book caused me to reflect on some of my past friendships and what exceptional friendships should consist of. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn more about building exceptional relationships and being a better friend, coworker, and partner.

    5 out of 5 stars

    “We’ve Decided to Go in a Different Direction: Essays” was written by Tess Sanchez, who spent more than 20 years in the entertainment industry as a casting director. This book was funny, insightful, and contained amusing essays that examine the aftermath of a major life shift that took the author from fully in control and plunged her into unfamiliar chaos. This book examines how we claim our identity and how we choose to define ourselves. This was an easier read. Here are some lessons:

    • Water the flowers, not the weeds. Nurture and grow the good in your life, and dehydrate the weeds.
    • The key to success, fulfillment, and happiness is flexibility – embracing the now – however that may look.
    • Career loss isn’t the end. It’s a pivot point. It can be painful, but also freeing.
    • Identity is bigger than your job title. Rediscover who you are outside of your professional role.
    • Resilience is messy, not linear. Change comes with backslides, confusion, and emotional turbulence.

    One of my favorite lessons from this book is the concept of a “painful favor.” The author used the phrase “painful favors” to describe pivotal moments in her life that felt harsh and disruptive at the moment but ultimately led to personal growth and new opportunities. I love this concept, and there have been several “painful favors” in my life that I am grateful for.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Reconnected” was written by Carlos Whittaker, a bestselling author and storyteller who averaged 7 hours 23 minutes a day on his phone before this experiment. Carlos went screen-free for 7 weeks to see what screen time was doing to his head, hands, and heart; he spent 2 weeks with Benedictine monks, 2 weeks with Amish in Ohio, and 3 weeks at home with family. I enjoyed reading about his experiment. Here are some of the many lessons:

    • We don’t wonder any more. How many times are you in a conversation when somebody wonders something only to stop wondering because they can look it up on their phone? We’ve lost the ability to not know, and we now feel like we must know everything. We can’t, but we feel like we need to. If we can’t admit that we don’t know something, suddenly we are creating experts who aren’t actually experts. Ex: TikTok
    • Recovering our ability to have regular solitude is so important for our mental health and overall well-being. Let your mind wander, do a digital detox, and experiment with tech-free hobbies.
    • How many times do we pull out our phones when we get uncomfortable with our present circumstances? Jesus made a habit of being fully present with people that hardly anyone wanted to be present with. Our presence has the ability to change not only our lives but the lives of others. You could change another’s life – someone that you might not even notice if you weren’t looking up.
    • The table is one of the most intimate settings we have for sharing our lives. The table is one of the best tools we have to get to know someone well and to discover the heart of somebody. Try going phone-free and allotting more time for meals.

    Not every argument is worth having and not every comment deserves a rebuttal. Choose where to invest your energy. Respond with reason, not with rage.

    One of the most interesting lessons was that the Amish allow some pieces of technology that aren’t going to grow them apart. They weigh the potential value of every piece of new technology before allowing it. Community is more important than anything else. They don’t think cars are evil, but they know that if they started using cars, their community would no longer be a community.

    This book was intriguing and filled with lessons about the impact of technology.

    5 out of 5 stars

    “The Not-Quite States of America” was written by Minnesota author Doug Mack. This book was boring at times and reads like a history textbook. This book covered some interesting tidbits about the territories of the Virgin Islands of the United States, American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, and Puerto Rico. Here are some facts:

    • Residents of the territories cannot vote for president. They can run for president.
    • The Virgin Islands of the United States (USVI) are heavily reliant on tourism and imported goods. Agriculture is only 1% of USVI’s overall budget. With the blessing of the U.S. Treasury and Congress, the islands offer a 90% reduction in U.S. corporate and personal income taxes. The appeal of the USVI for the United States was its utility as a coaling station.
    • People born in American Samoa are U.S. nationals, not U.S. citizens, making them the only group on U.S. soil without automatic citizenship. To gain citizenship rights, they must become naturalized like any immigrant. Tuna canning is the largest private-sector employer. American Samoans who oppose birthright citizenship value 3 traditions that might be deemed unconstitutional:
      • The Native Land Ordinance – only individuals with at least 50% Samoan blood may own native land
      • Matai-only Senate – traditional chiefs, not elected by popular vote
      • Sa – the roads are closed when prayer time is observed in some villages
    • Military bases occupy nearly 1/3 of Guam’s land, but much of this land is not actively used by the military; the military simply controls the land.
    • The Northern Mariana Islands (CNMI) rely heavily on tourism and foreign labor. The Northern Mariana Islands are a U.S. commonwealth, meaning the residents are U.S. citizens, but CNMI has local self-government, including its own constitution, legislature, and governor. The U.S. Congress selectively applies some federal laws.
    • Puerto Ricans are U.S. citizens but can’t vote for president. Puerto Rico has 10x more people than all the other territories combined. The Spanish and American cultures intertwine, creating a unique identity.

    3 out of 5 stars

    “Secrets of Adulthood: Simple Truths For Our Complex Lives” was written by Gretchen Rubin, who has authored many books and hosts the top-ranking, award-winning podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin. This book was not quite what I anticipated. It contained valuable information, but it was more like a listicle or what you may find in a fortune cookie. Here are some “secrets” of adulthood:

    • If you find it hard to take good care of yourself, care for yourself like a toddler: Don’t let yourself get too hungry, too tired, too uncomfortable, too bored, too lonely, or too overwhelmed.
    • The traffic changes, the weather changes, yet the same people are always late, and the same people are always on time.
    • More trial, more error – and more accomplishment.
    • Nothing is more exhausting than the task that’s never started.
    • By giving something up, we may gain. Briefly depriving ourselves of a pleasure often has one of two good results: either it reawakens our enjoyment or reveals that we’re happier when we don’t indulge.
    • If we take the credit, we must accept the blame.
    • Don’t buy things until you need them. Store things at the store.
    • If you can’t think of a topic of conversation, ask, “What’s keeping you busy these days?”

    3 out of 5 stars

    “Cue the Sun!: The Invention of Reality TV” was written by Pulitzer prize-winning New Yorker author Emily Nussbaum. The book covered the history of reality tv, starting from its contentious roots in radio, and Emily conducted in-depth interviews with more than 300 sources to gather information for this book. Here are some key points:

    • Reality TV didn’t just appear. It evolved from radio call-ins, prank shows, and experimental documentaries.
    • Reality TV thrives on presenting “real life” while heavily manipulating footage. This results in ethical dilemmas. Producers edit raw footage to craft narratives and often distort reality. This raises questions about consent, exploitation, and how much “truth” audiences really want.
    • The launch of Survivor in 2000 marked reality TV’s explosion into mainstream dominance. It taught networks that unscripted formats could be cheap to produce yet massively profitable.
    • Reality TV influences politics and celebrity culture. As an example, Donald Trump leverages reality TV fame from The Apprentice into political power.

    Some interesting tidbits:

    • By the 1960s, Candid Camera had become a major hit on radio, but on TV, the show’s subjects weren’t anonymous anymore. Some laughed, others got angry, and many experienced a messy blend of feelings.
    • The Dating Game required no background checks. One of the show’s winners, Rodney Alcala, turned out to be a serial killer, was also a convicted sex offender, and paroled twice. At the time he filmed his segment, he was in the midst of a murder spree.
    • The People’s Court was the first television show to feature binding arbitration.
    • America’s Funniest Home Videos was unusually easy to produce since it relied on videotapes sent in by viewers and filmed on camcorders. It cost ABC almost nothing – no actors, directors, or stunt professionals. Together with America’s Funniest Home Videos, Cops jump-started the reality genre, which had been static for nearly a decade.

    Survivor was the first series to take the reality genre mainstream in the United States. It stood out because it united 3 key traditions: prank show, game show, and real-life soap opera.

    • By 2002, casting a reality show had become a science, down to the thick contracts contestants signed, granting editors total control. There was also a natural next step after the finale aired: move to Los Angeles.
    • In 2006, with the rise of The Real Housewives, cast members of reality shows began to identify as influencers, viewing themselves as performers and collaborators, brand representatives of the shows they appeared in.

    4 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • September 2025 Reads

    I read 4 books in September. I really enjoyed the books I read, and I gave 3 out of the 4 5-star ratings! Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in September.

    “Open When: A Companion for Life’s Twists and Turns” was written by Dr. Julie Smith, who has over 10 years of experience as a clinic psychologist and is one of TikTok’s top 100 creators. You can find Dr. Julie on Instagram/TikTok/Youtube at drjulie. This book covered advice for navigating anger, setting boundaries, comparison, confidence, friendships, parenting, arguing, seeking help, overwhelm, priorities, grief, apologies, and much more. Here are some of the many insights that resonated with me.

    Whether it’s the good news or the bad, if you have to keep parts of your life under wraps to fit in, that’s not a friendship that is going to nourish and bring out the best in you. Search for acceptance and belonging in the right places. Consider: Is this a place I truly want to belong? Would being recognized as part of this group be a positive in my life? How much of myself, my beliefs, or my values would I be expected to change in order to be accepted? Is that okay with me?

    Comparison can lead to constructive forward motion and be a good thing. If it leads to envy, resentment, bitterness, and a loss of self-worth, then we are getting it all wrong, and both our efforts and our attention have been misplaced. Questions to ask yourself: What do I feel envious of specifically? What specific skills do they have that I would like to have also? Would learning those skills help me with achieving my own goals? How did they get there? Can I imitate any of that process to help me get closer to my personal goals?

    Confidence is the bus that never arrives while you sit waiting. It usually makes an appearance after you have decided to walk and you’re almost at your destination. So get to work on making some progress, and the bus will likely arrive once you’re a little way down the road.

    I highly recommend this book!

    5 out of 5 stars

    “The Cure for Burnout” was written by Emily Ballesteros, who has a burnout management coaching business. This book outlines five areas in which you can build healthy habits to combat burnout: mindset, personal care, time management, boundaries, and stress management. I learned so much from this book. Here is just a snippet.

    • Burnout is a state of exhaustion, stress, or misalignment with the direction your life is heading in for an extended period of time. Tangibly, burnout will consume your calendar, sabotage your relationships, and harm your physical health. Intangibly, it will steal the best years of your life while you have your head down in survival mode. It will destroy your mental health and cause exhaustion and possibly depression.
    • There are three kinds of burnout, and people can suffer from more than one type:
      • burnout by volume – burnout as a result of a high volume of responsibilities, a compact schedule, and very little downtime
      • social burnout – burnout as a result of interpersonal demands that exceed your available social resources – these people become the person everyone confides in, vents to, or asks for favors because they are pleasant and reliable
      • burnout by boredom – burnout as a result of chronic disengagement and disinterest in the items in your life

    Think of personal care as the equivalent of getting gas on a road trip: there is never a convenient time to stop. The personal care pillar mandates that we go out of our way, stop to refuel, and sacrifice the time we could spend “productively” on something else.

    • Think of your minimum non-negotiables – getting a minimum amount of sleep, eating food at certain intervals, getting movement, having alone time, etc.
    • To manage stress, pause/postpone projects that you’ve loved but are currently bringing more stress than joy, simplify projects, delegate/outsource tasks, and quit doing unnecessary tasks.
    • Set boundaries. What boundaries might help reinforce the changes you want to make?

    This book was packed with information, and I highly recommend it!

    5 out of 5 stars

    “The Note” was written by Alafair Burke, an Edgar-nominated New York Times bestselling author of fifteen novels of suspense and professor of Criminal Law. The main storyline of this book is that a vacation in the Hamptons went terribly wrong for three friends with a complicated history. A prank involving a mysterious note led to a missing tourist and a police investigation, unraveling layers of secrets and betrayals. I don’t typically read fiction books, and I won’t spoil this one. Overall, it was an interesting changeup from the books I typically read. This book kept me interested, but it contained overloaded themes of cancel culture, racism, anti-Asian hate, true crime obsession, and more. It seemed that the author wanted to mention many different issues in the book.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Build the Life You Want” was written by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey. Arthur C. Brooks is a professor at Harvard Business School and teaches courses on happiness and is also an acclaimed author and speaker. Oprah Winfrey is a global media leader and public figure. This book covered the four big happiness pillars: family, friendships, work, and faith. Here are some of my many takeaways:

    • Ask yourself the good questions: What does living well mean – for me, not according to someone else’s model – and how do I do it? What is genuinely worth striving for? What can I offer, and how can I serve? What lessons can I glean from my experiences, especially the toughest ones? How do I make the best use of my limited time on this earth?
    • Stop caring what others think. “We all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinions than our own.” “Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner.”
    • The key to finding meaningful work is to feel a sense of accomplishment and to believe that your job is making the world a better place. Look for a fundamental match between an employer’s values and your own. At the same time, put some space between your job and your life, and make friends and spend time with people who have no connection to your work.

    Our impulses, amplified by the consumer economy, entertainment, and social media push us to spend our time idolizing money, power, pleasure, and prestige. These idols all stand in the way of enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose. They substitute pleasure for enjoyment, make satisfaction harder to attain and keep, and focus us on things that are trivial and not meaningful. The four idols are distractions to numb us to emotional circumstances we dislike and feel we can’t control.

    I highly recommend this book for those interested in learning more about finding happiness in family, friendships, work, and faith.

    5 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • August 2025 Reads

    It’s been a while since I’ve posted on this blog since I have had other priorities. I read 2 books in August and gave myself permission to quit 2 other books – a true act of self-care. Previously, I didn’t allow myself to not finish books. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in August.

    “The Ritual Effect: Unlocking the Extraordinary Power of the Ordinary” was written by Michael Norton, professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School. Here are some main takeaways:

    The essence of habit is the what – something we do – brush our teeth, go to the gym, pay bills, etc. The essence of ritual is the how. It matters to us not simply that we complete the action but the specific way that we complete it. When rituals are disrupted, people report feeling “off” all day.

    Some rituals become so intricate that the ritual interferes instead of prepares. Ex: performance rituals – baseball players engage in an average of 83 movements when batting.

    Rituals and repetition can be powerful tools for honing our self-control, but ritualistic behavior can, over time, start to control us instead. Among the most common treatments for compulsive behaviors is “habit reversal” training – identifying the root behavior that’s causing problems and replacing it with something else.

    The 4 Lessons of Relationship Rituals

    • Rituals wake up our experience of commitment – doing things together.
    • Relationship rituals are exclusive.
    • Rituals – not routines – bring the magic.
    • Consensus is a critical factor. Do you and your partner agree that it’s a ritual and not just a routine?
    • Food and drink are often central to rituals, but how we share them is what shapes family identity.
    • Rituals can be the practices that call us home and bring family together.
    • Family rituals immerse us in the moment, strengthen identity, and create lasting meaning.

    Rituals give us a sense of ownership, an affirmation of identity or belonging, or an increased feeling of meaning.

    • Personal rituals are more adaptable and meaningful than inherited rituals since we can shape them to fit our values and goals.
    • Rituals strengthen social bonds through shared meals, celebrations, or communal ceremonies.
    • Rituals don’t have to be complex. Simple, intentional actions can transform daily life.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Crush Your Money Goals” was written by Bernadette Joy, an expert money coach and founder of CRUSH Your Money Goals. Here are some main points.

    CRUSH:

    • Curate your accounts. Coordinate accounts and track spending.
    • Reverse into independence. Set clear financial independence goals. Use the $1 rule to question non-essential purchases.
    • Understand your net worth and track it.
    • Spend intentionally. Align spending with values.
    • Heal your money wounds. Address emotional triggers that lead to overspending.

    Net worth trackers organize your accounts into cash & cash equivalents, investments, property, credit cards, and loans. Trackers mentioned in this book include Empower (free) and Monarch Money (paid subscription).

    Budget:

    • Survive – basic necessities, including housing, utilities, food, transportation, and health
    • Revive – current expenses that aren’t necessary but make life worth living for you, such as vacations, clothing, entertainment, and hobbies
    • Strive – anything that helps you grow your net worth

    The CRUSH method consists of 50% strive, 25% survive, and 25% strive. In other words, saving/investing half of your income – which does not seem attainable for most people, especially people who don’t earn six figures. The author mentioned that if this is not attainable, people should work to increase their income.

    Other tips:

    • Remember that the interest you pay on any debt is making someone else rich by being their passive income stream. Ex: your mortgage, auto loans, and credit cards.
    • Unsubscribe from email marketing and digitally detox from constant comparisons. Reduce impulse spending.
    • Implement a $1 cost per use rule – technology, furniture, clothing, accessories, home goods.
    • Invest in a Roth IRA, where you won’t pay taxes on growth. All income earned is tax-free.
    • Compare insurance plan rates each year. Ask for discounts from service providers.

    4 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • July 2025 Reads

    It’s been a while since I’ve posted on this blog since I have had other priorities. I read 4 books in July. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in July.

    “Sovereign: Reclaim Your Freedom, Energy, and Power in a Time of Distraction, Uncertainty, and Chaos” was written by Emma Seppala, a Yale lecturer and international keynote speaker. This book was insightful! It was packed with tips to recharge your life and change the way you think and act – from your emotions, mind, relationships, intuition and body. Here are some of my many takeaways:

    • Sovereignty is reclaiming your right to exist as you. It involves courage, awareness, and self-honoring. Consider what would happen if you loved and cared for yourself as much as you do for others.

    What would it look like if you took care of yourself as you would an infant, attentive to its every need? Be mindful and aware of your emotions and ask yourself “What do I need right now? A hug? A walk? A break? A nap? A cry? A meal? A friend? Something else?”

    Some of the many tips covered:

    • Sovereign self
      • Listen to the state of your mind and body. Ask yourself what you need.
      • Prioritize what fills your cup – what brings you rest, rejuvenation, energy, vitality, upliftment, inspiration, and joy.
    • Sovereign emotions
      • Remember: when you run from your feelings, you run from your healing. Feel instead of suppressing.
      • Remember that emotions are energy in motion. Take care of your basic needs: sleep, diet, exercise, and yourself.
    • Sovereign mind
      • Create boundaries around your media. Don’t go on social media to look at what other people are doing or selling.
      • Observe and discern: What are the intentions of the messaging. Is it giving you freedom or binding you in fear? Do you wish to engage with it?
    • Sovereign relationships
      • 6 keys of positive relational energy
        • caring for, being interested in, and seeing the best in others
        • providing support for one another, including offering kindness and compassion
        • avoiding blame and forgiving mistakes
        • inspiring one another and focusing on what’s going right
        • emphasizing meaningfulness
        • treating others with basic human values like respect, gratitude, trust, honesty, humility, kindness, an integrity
    • Sovereign intuition
      • Consult your gut feelings.
      • Unplug from technology. Create opportunities for contemplation. Schedule idle time.
    • Sovereign body
      • Relate to your body as your best friend because that’s what it is. Learn to love it, care for it, listen to it, and live in harmony with its needs.
      • Reflect on these questions: Do you honor and care for your body the way you would a child? If not, what would it look like if you did?

    This is one of the best books I have read this year, and I highly recommend it to everyone!

    5 out of 5 stars

    “Says Who? A Kinder, Funner Usage Guide for Everyone Who Cares About Words” was written by Anne Curzan, professor of English Language and Literature, Linguistics, and Education at the University of Michigan. This book was intriguing, although some readers may find it overwhelming or too academic. Here are some things that resonated with me:

    One key point for everyone who uses dictionaries is that dictionary editors are trying to walk a fine line between capturing words as they are used and providing guidance about the contexts in which some words are generally accepted or not accepted. While the editors of today’s dictionaries are usually trying to describe actual usage, we as dictionary users often erroneously assume that they are prescribing correct usage. Attitudes at the language change over time!

    • English has lots of synonyms in many areas of the lexicon, and they demonstrate the remarkable creativity we as humans bring to language, the many languages that have contributed to the English lexicon, the diversity of our linguistic identities, and the nuanced choices we get to make as speakers and writers.
    • Dictionary editors determine which pronunciations get recorded as standard and which get labeled as nonstandard – and which don’t get included at all.
    • What’s correct depends on where, when, and to whom you’re speaking. Formal writing has different expectations than casual conversation.
    • Many grammar rules are based on tradition, not logic. Usage evolves, and what was once “wrong” can become accepted over time. Examples:
      • “Peruse” has long meant “to read thoroughly” – but now people use it to mean “to glance over, skim” – which is becoming more acceptable.
      • “Literally” is used to mean “in the literal sense” AND “figuratively.”

    4 out of 5 stars

    “The Things You Can Only See When You Slow Down” was written by Haemin Sunim and contained so many life lessons and a guide to mindfulness. I got a lot out of this book. Here are some takeaways:

    Do not try to control those around you. When you cannot control even your own mind, what makes you think you can control others?

    • According to some psychologists, happiness can be assessed with two simple questions: First, do you find meaning in your work? Second, do you have good relationships with those around you?
    • We like to get involved in other people’s business, thinking we are doing so for them. We offer unsolicited help and interfere with their lives. We take away their power and make them feel incapable. This stems from our desire for control and recognition. It has little to do with love.
    • A bad driver brakes often. A bad conversationalist also brakes often – interrupting the flow with his own stories.
    • Being a good boss requires much more than just having a lot of technical knowledge. It is important to have integrity and a positive relationship with the staff, to give timely feedback and professional mentoring, and to advocate for what the team needs.

    As my prayer deepens, I hear more of His voice than my words. As my humility grows, I feel more of His love overflowing in my heart. As my mind quiets down, I sense more of His presence in every moment.

    I really enjoyed the lessons from this book and highly recommend it.

    5 out of 5 stars

    “I Could Live Here Forever: a novel” was written by Hanna Halperin. This is a fiction book and is not what I typically read. This book was described as “a gripping portrait of a tumultuous, consuming relationship between a young woman and a recovering addict.” I agree with that description. Since this was a fiction book, I didn’t take many notes, but these quotes resonated with me:

    “The nice thing about writing was it took pain and warped it into something useful. I could shape it into a beginning and a middle and an end. It was manageable that way . . . by the time I was done with it, it was just a story.”

    I never actually knew what he was doing. I was outside his world, even though he was inside of mine. Really, he was my entire world.”

    Overall, I wanted more character development.

    3 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • June 2025 Reads

    It’s been a while since I’ve posted on this blog since I have had other priorities. I read 3 books in June. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in June.

    The novel “Motherhood” by Sheila Heti follows a woman in her late 30s as she grapples with whether or not to have children. This book was not plot-driven; it was more like a long internal monologue in which the woman constantly questions what it means to be a mother and whether motherhood would enhance or diminish her life. I didn’t like the writing style, but it was thought-provoking at times. Here are some key lessons from this book:

    • the pressure of societal expectations for women to have children
    • motherhood as a choice, not an obligation
    • motherhood is often tied to a woman’s identity
    • the cost of motherhood – sacrifice of time, freedom, and sometimes the dreams or ambitions women may have for themselves
    • Women are often expected to become mothers, while men are not held to the same societal standards.

    Quotes that stood out to me:

    Do I want children because I want to be admired as the admirable sort of woman who has children? Because I want to be seen as a normal sort of woman, or because I want to be the best kind of woman, a woman with not only work, but the desire and ability to nurture, a body that can make babies, and someone who another person wants to make babies with?

    We are miserly with ourselves when it comes to space and time. But doesn’t having children lead to the most miserly allotment of space and time? Having a child solves the impulse to give oneself nothing. It makes that impulse into a virtue.

    Whether I want kids is a secret I keep from myself. On the one hand, the joy of children. On the other hand, the misery of them. On the one hand, the freedom of not having children. On the other hand, the loss of never having had them.”

    To clear things up, these quotes stood out to me, but these are not my personal thoughts.

    3 out of 5 stars

    “Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow: 12 Simple Principles” was written by Karen Casey, a speaker and author of 16 books. Here are some lessons that resonated with me:

    • Tend your own garden. Focusing outside ourselves and attempting to control other people is a clever avoidance technique that helps us escape having to look at our own sometimes troubling behavior.
    • We are not in charge of others! Not their behavior, their thoughts, their dreams, their problems, their successes, or their failures.
    • Let go of outcomes. No matter what we do or how perfect our input, we are never in control of the outcome of any situation. You are responsible for making the effort – nothing more.
    • Don’t let the mood swings of others determine how you feel.

    Any thought can be released. We are fully responsible for our thoughts and can take charge of them whenever we need or want to. No one can take charge of your thoughts, and thus your life, without your compliance.

    Be vigilant about your choices. If what you are seeking is peace, you must be vigilant about the choices you make. The ego will often beckon you to choose gossip, criticism, comparisons, judgements, jealousy, fear, and anger – none of these choices will lead you to peace.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “The Mindful Catholic” is based on an eight-week program called Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and was written by Gregory Bottaro, the director of the Catholic Psych Institute and the developer of the Catholic Mindfulness Online Course. Here are some takeaways:

    Mindfulness = paying attention to the present moment without judgment or criticism. Curiosity is the disposition of mind that we are seeking to cultivate when we practice mindfulness. Mindfulness does not mean turning off the thoughts in your mind but using them as a door to greater awareness of yourself.

    Tendencies vs. Mindfulness:

    • analyzing vs. sensing
    • striving vs. accepting
    • thoughts are real vs. mental events
    • avoidance vs. approaching with curiosity
    • mental time travel vs. present moment
    • depleting vs. nourishing activities

    This book also covered mindfulness exercises. As someone who isn’t experienced with mindfulness, here is my favorite:

    • Sacramental pause – Start with prayer (“Ever-present God, here with me now, help me to be here with you“). Open your awareness to any thoughts, emotions, or physical sensations, then narrow your focus to the physical sensation of your breath alone, and finally expand the focus to the physical sensations of your whole body.

    4 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • May 2025 Reads

    It’s been a while since I’ve posted on this blog since I have had other priorities. I read 5 books in May. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in May.

    “Supersized Lies: How Myths About Weight Loss Are Keeping Us Fat – And the Truth About What Really Works” was written by Robert J. Davis, PhD, host of the Healthy Skeptic video series and an award-winning health journalist whose work has appeared on CNN, PBS, WebMD, and the Wall Street Journal. Here are some main points:

    Instead of focusing on individual villains, we need to pay attention to the general quality of our diets – emphasizing whole foods and minimizing highly processed foods – vegetables, fruits, beans, nuts, seeds, seafood, lean poultry, and whole grains, such as oats and rice. Whole foods tend to have fewer calories per ounce, more fiber, and be more filling, and we often eat them more slowly, giving our brains time to get the message that we’ve had enough.

    • When calories are cut or increased by a specific amount, the change in weight will vary from person to person, and these differences are due at least in part to genetics.
    • Calories shouldn’t be the only consideration. That can detract from the pleasure of eating, contribute to an unhealthy relationship with food, and result in too little of the things your body needs. Instead, when choosing what to eat, also pay attention to the sugar, fiber, and protein, and consider how healthful and filling the foods are and how you feel after you eat them.

    It takes A LOT of work to burn off the calories in a relatively small amount of food. Changing your diet to lose weight is easier than exercising to lose weight.

    If dietary supplements had to meet the same standards of proof for safety and effectiveness as medications, few, if any, would be allowed on the market. Supplement makers aren’t required to test for safety. The law assumes that supplements are innocent until proven guilty – just the opposite of how medications are regulated.

    Exercise, sleep, and stress management reinforce each other to benefit not only our physical and emotional health, but also our weight.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Selling the Dream: The Billion-Dollar Industry Bankrupting Americans” was written by Jane Marie, a Peabody and Emmy Award-winning journalist. In this book, Jane expands on her popular podcast The Dream to expose the source of multilevel marketing schemes. Although I have never been involved in multilevel marketing (thankfully), I got a lot out of this book! Here are some main takeaways:

    • 99% of those who join MLMs make no $ or even lose $. Women make up 74% of the MLM workforce.
    • In an MLM, the product being sold doesn’t matter since most of the $ is being made via recruitment fees and distributors stocking their own shelves with inventory.
    • Despite what those in MLMs may believe, they are not business owners. They don’t control anything except their own sales efforts. They don’t own the product they’re selling or any IP, they don’t set their own prices or salaries, and they are often bound by strict rules in how they can market and sell the products. They also lack a guaranteed salary, benefits, and workers’ rights.

    The MLM world is a bizarre land where incentives can range from the opportunity to buy your own ticket to a conference to earning a new rank solely based on products you’ve purchased that now sit in your garage. The disincentives are just as plain: once you’ve roped in your friends and family, quitting seems off the table and an admission that you sold them a bill of goods.

    “Nutrition” clubs are seemingly popping up everywhere. One of the most fascinating things I read in this book is that Herbalife nutrition clubs prohibit signs that state or suggest that Herbalife products are available for retail purchase on the premises. Club owners are not permitted to post signs indicating whether the club is open or closed, and the interior of the club must not be visible to persons outside.

    I recommend reading this book if you want to learn more about the MLM industry.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “I Wish I Knew This Earlier: Lessons on Love” is an essay-type book divided into themes and written by Toni Tone, an award-winning speaker, writer, and social content creator. Here are some points that resonated with me:

    • Intimacy tells you more about a relationship than intensity. Can you be vulnerable? Do you feel safe? Is there trust? Do you have similar interests? Can you easily hold a conversation with them? Do you have similar values?
    • Have a life outside of your love life is essential. A healthy relationship should complement your life, not become it. A partner who is good for you wants you to flourish and wants you to be the best version of yourself. The best version of yourself is well-rounded, has friendships outside of your romantic relationship, hobbies, and aspirations outside of your romantic relationship.

    We should choose to love people for who they really are because the painful truth is that potential doesn’t always manifest. You may think a person is capable of moving mountains for you, but should these mountains never be moved, how will you feel? Falling for potential is not just a disservice to you but it’s also a disservice to the person you are choosing to love. We don’t possess the power to change people. People change because they want to.

    Don’t forget to celebrate your partner. Share compliments, provide words of affirmation, and give praise where it’s deserved. Don’t speak up only when you are annoyed. Speak up when you are happy too.

    I highly recommend this book to anyone!

    5 out of 5 stars

    “Love is a Choice: 28 Extraordinary Stories of the 5 Love Languages in Action” was written by Gary Chapman, author, speaker, and counselor and #1 bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages series. Here are some great points:

    Realize that you have as many faults as your partner. “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8

    • Perhaps one of the keys to finding an enduring affection is to be willing to accept the interruptions and intrusions.
    • How do you measure love? Each of us speaks a different love language. How can we learn someone’s love language? By asking them what makes them feel really loved or by watching how the person expresses love to others.
    • Love doesn’t require that we always have all the answers. Instead, many times love just asks that we listen to the problem, that we try to understand, and that we express our condolences, sympathy, or love. Sometimes love means just being there for the person we care about.

    Love requires effort and action. Love is not passive. It requires constant effort, communication, and care. Actions like making time for each other, showing affection, or helping with everyday tasks can strengthen a relationship in profound ways.

    Open, honest, and empathetic communication is necessary to foster understanding and connection. Instead of assuming your partner knows what you need, communicate your feelings, desires, and needs clearly. Practice active listening and empathy.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Compassion in the Court: Life-Changing Stories From America’s Nicest Judge” was written by Judge Frank Caprio, who became an unexpected television and internet superstar while in his eighties. Judge Caprio’s three-time Emmy-nominated television show, Caught in Providence, has amassed over 20 million followers across social media and his videos have accrued billions of views. Here are some key lessons:

    • True justice should be tempered with compassion. Treat people as human beings, not just as cases or statistics.
    • Compassionate decisions build trust in the judicial system. When people feel that they are treated fairly and with understanding, they are more likely to follow the rules and make positive changes.
    • What may seem unimportant to you could be incredibly important and life-changing to the person before you. One small act of kindness, one act of being thoughtful, can really change the course of a person’s life.
    • Put yourself in the shoes of the person you are facing and then ask yourself: What would help? How would you behave if it were your parents, grandparents, brother, sister, or relative in that situation? How would you want them treated?

    My courtroom was a microcosm of the city of Providence, a progressive city that’s been welcoming immigrants for hundreds of years. Many of the defendants who have appeared before me may not have felt life had treated them fairly, but it was my sincere hope that in my courtroom they felt that they had the opportunity to speak, to be heard, and to be treated fairly in the way our system of justice demands.

    4 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • April 2025 Reads

    It’s been a while since I’ve posted on this blog since I have had other priorities. I read 5 books in April. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in April.

    “Funny, You Don’t Look Autistic: A Comedian’s Guide to Life on the Spectrum” was written by Michael McCreary, who does stand-up comedy about being on the autism spectrum and uses comedy to help demystify autism and break down stereotypes. He has performed across North America and lives in Toronto, Canada. Although this is not a comprehensive educational book, I learned more about autism. Here are some takeaways.

    Everyone with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is different. People with ASD have many of the same thoughts and feelings as anyone else. The difference is in the intensity of those feelings and the degree to which they affect functioning.

    The DSM-5 defines autism as a “triad of impairments” that presents challenges in these areas:

    1. social interaction
    2. communication
    3. repetitive behaviors

    Some people have heightened senses and can’t handle sudden bursts or noise or tags on clothes, while others are under-sensitive to sensory information and need to seek out stimulation. This is known as “stimming” and can include rocking, staring at lights, repetitive blinking, tapping, making sounds, spinning objects, rubbing your skin, clapping, or leg-shaking.

    The author took improv classes. Improv requires you to listen to people, respond to them, and go with the flow: “Improv taught me more about social skills than any learning strategies ever could.”

    When I’d seen comics lean on a mic stand, I always thought it was a power move. I soon realized that it was meant to make your shaking less obvious.

    In media, the characters often seem like a checklist of symptoms rather than real people, a collection of quirks that have been mistaken for a personality. The problem with presenting autism on-screen is that it becomes the crux of the character. Having autism is a characteristic, not a character.

    Although this book provided some useful information, it left more to be desired.

    3 out of 5 stars

    “The Unclaimed: Abandonment and Hope in the City of Angels” by Pamela Prickett and Stefan Timmermans is a powerful work of narrative nonfiction that explores what happens when people die with no one to claim them. Prickett, a sociology professor and former broadcaster, and Timmermans, a UCLA sociologist known for his work on death investigations, follow the lives of four individuals in Los Angeles who died between 2012 and 2019—some with family and means, others without—revealing how easily people can become invisible. Alongside their stories, the authors introduce us to the scene investigators, notification officers, and crematorium workers who step in when no one else will. I found the book deeply moving and full of surprising insights. Here are just a few that stayed with me.

    • Today, more and more relatives are abandoning their dead, leaving it to local governments to dispose of the bodies. Up to 150,000 Americans now go unclaimed each year.
    • The term of choice for those sent to the potter’s field is no longer indigent but unclaimed – reflective of relatives’ inability or unwillingness to take care of their dead.
    • There is no federal agency to track or oversee the unclaimed – just a patchwork of ad hoc local practices.
    • Los Angeles – “Over five hours, the men poured 1,461 boxes and envelopes into the grave – a year’s worth of ashes.”

    Just because a family might be indigent does not mean a decedent is. To access a decedent’s $, the family needs a death certificate. The medical examiner’s office would not release the death certificate until the family hired a private funeral home to transfer the body from the crowded crypt. Quick access to the death certificate was one of the few carrots the office had to entice hesitant families to claim.

    Meanwhile, even as they refused to claim David’s body, Mikel and Tiffany were planning how they would spend David’s money. When the estate was settled, after expenses and fees amounting to $30,000, Tiffany’s share came to $10,996.71. Feeling no shame about benefiting from the investment account of a man they hadn’t spoken to in decades, they decided to take a late honeymoon.

    Patterns that increase likelihood of being unclaimed: social isolation caused by eroding family ties, never getting married, estrangement

    I highly recommend this fascinating book! I learned so much about the unclaimed.

    5 out of 5 stars

    “The New Rulebook: Notes from a psychologist to help redefine the way you live” was written by Dr. Chris Cheers, an Australian psychologist and educator with a focus on elevating mental health in the arts and LGBTQIA+ communities. In this book, Dr. Cheers compassionately asks readers to examine 5 key areas of their lives: self-care, emotions, work, love, and body, and offers evidence-based solutions to redefine their lives not based on expectations of how they should live but led by what they need. Here are some reflections.

    If you only focus on self, you start to view self-care as something that is a solo effort – something you buy for yourself, do alone, etc. Many of the worthwhile actions of self-care are carried out in relation to other people, such as communicating boundaries, saying no, or standing up for yourself.

    We often recognize that we’re unhappy in our relationships, at work, or in daily life, but we rarely see major change as a real option. Instead, we try to feel better about the lives we already have and convince ourselves that change is too hard or simply not possible. In that process, self-care can become a soothing distraction rather than a solution. If your version of self-care is helping you cope with something that truly needs to change, it may not be care at all. It may be a quiet form of self-neglect.

    Self-Care Reflection Questions

    1. How can I care for myself today?
    2. What are the barriers to making that happen? Can they be challenged?
    3. What can I do to help make that care happen?
    4. What positive impact will this care have not only for me, but for my community and the people in my life?

    Values – How do you want people to describe you? What words do you want them to use to describe what you have held as most meaningful and important in your life? These are your values.

    • Values are useless if they just remain an ideal. Our daily actions become our life and identity. Consider how your actions have aligned with your values over the last six months and consider which behavior you could limit to make space for more meaningful actions.

    We promote belonging in our relationships through intentional gathering. Safety comes from clear communication and trust. Trust is earned through actions that show accountability, integrity, and reliability. We can also promote a sense of safety in our relationships through learning how to have a difficult conversation, apologize, and come together after conflict.

    I recommend this book to anyone who wants to examine the 5 key areas of their lives: self-care, emotions, work, love, and body.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Bibliotherapy: Books to Guide You Through Every Chapter of Life” was written by Molly Masters, a writer, podcaster, director and CEO of Aphra, and CEO of Bookshop Limited. Bibliotherapy is the application of literature towards a therapeutic goal. This book was a bibliotherapy concierge for confidence and courage, adulting, empowerment, first loves and great loves, heartbreak, self-love and self-discovery, LGBTQIA+ identity, new beginnings, new parents, creativity and inspiration, escapism, your mind, grief and loss, and feeling directionless.

    This book was split into sections and provided one-sentence blurbs about most books recommended. I wrote several titles down to research more or read, and I highly recommend this book if you want book recommendations for the categories listed above! I will not be sharing titles recommended at this time because I don’t want to endorse books I have not read yet.

    4 out of 5 stars

    .

    “The Fountain of Youth – Confession: The Only Key to Living Forever” was written by Dave Durand. This book was handed out by my Catholic church and explores a topic that many Catholics (and Christians in general) struggle with: the Sacrament of Confession. Dave Durand takes a direct approach, addressing common excuses people make for avoiding confession, and offering responses rooted in Scripture and Church teaching. Here’s a brief look at a few of those points:

    1. “It is not necessary to go to a priest. I can just tell my sins to God directly.”
      Durand reminds us that Jesus gave His apostles the authority to forgive sins—a gift passed down through the Church.
    2. “At least I’m not as bad as others.”
      The book challenges the idea that God “grades on a curve” and instead invites us to humbly acknowledge our need for grace, just as many saints once did.
    3. Self-Justification
      Rather than justifying our actions, confession helps us confront our faults honestly before God, which can lead to deeper transformation in all areas of life.
    4. “Who is the Church to say what’s a sin?”
      Durand addresses this with a reminder that moral truth doesn’t change based on opinion and that Jesus established the Church for guidance and accountability.
    5. “I keep committing the same sin—what’s the point?”
      He encourages persistence in confession, noting that repeated sin doesn’t mean failure if we sincerely strive to grow in virtue with God’s help.
    6. Emotional Blocks
      Past negative experiences can make confession difficult, but Durand gently urges readers not to let one painful moment keep them from God’s healing grace.

    Overall, The Fountain of Youth offers a clear and convicting view of confession within the Catholic faith grounded in both Scripture and the Catechism. Whether you’re a lifelong Catholic or simply curious about the sacrament, it presents a perspective worth reflecting on.

    4 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • March 2025 Reads

    It’s been a while since I’ve posted on this blog since I had other priorities in March. I read 5 books in March. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in March.

    “We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships” was written by Kat Vellos. Kat’s writing is read in over 100 countries and she has been featured in several news outlets. Find out more at katvellos.com. This book helps adults create fulfilling friendships that last a lifetime and tackles challenges of adult friendships and how to make and maintain friendships through more meaningful conversations, identifying quality connections, and prioritizing them. Since starting school, many of my friendships have changed. I got a lot out of this book, but here is just a handful of tips:

    • Friendship factors: compatibility, proximity, frequency, and commitment. We show our commitment through 5 core behaviors: openness, caring, trust, dedication, and reciprocity.
    • One of the biggest complaints that comes up when people talk about friendship during adulthood is that everyone’s so busy all the time – work, school, kids, marriage, etc. Maybe the reason we’re “so busy” is because we’re binging shows and endlessly scrolling through social media. Take control of your time. Do you lack the time or the dedication?
    • Ask open-ended questions and follow-up questions to pull you deeper into conversation. Some fun ideas:
      • What’s the weirdest job you’ve ever had?
      • What’s a book that you think everyone should read?
      • If you had to spend one hour a day studying a topic or practicing a skill, what would you pick up and why?
      • If you had to be a teacher for the rest of your life, what would you teach?
      • What were three songs that you loved as a teenager?
      • What was a low point during this year for you? How did you handle it?
      • What excites you?

    I highly recommend this book and will post more about it in a future blog.

    5 out of 5 stars

    “The Secret Lives of Booksellers and Libraries: True Stories of the Magic of Reading” was arranged by James Patterson and Matt Eversmann. James is the most popular storyteller of our time and has received several awards. This book consisted of short essays from booksellers and librarians. Here are some of my many takeaways:

    Having a good library is not political. A good library will have books on vegetarianism and hunting. A good library will have books on every religion. A good library will have books about all eras of history, from ancient Rome to the Civil War to the Holocaust. A good library will have books about different countries, different cultures, and different life experiences.

    “I don’t see the library going away at all. We’ll just have to keep up with whatever comes next and evolve with what the citizens want. We hope they continue to want what we provide: lifelong learning and joy.”

    Public libraries are open to everyone. And free. There aren’t that many public spaces left where you can go without the expectation of spending money.

    I highly recommend this book to get perspectives from booksellers and librarians.

    5 out of 5 stars

    “The Unplugged Hours: Cultivating a Life of Presence in a Digitally Connected World” was written by Hannah Brencher, a writer, TED speaker, and entrepreneur. Hannah challenged herself to 1,000 unplugged hours in one year – taking back a life that had slowly become less present, less awake, and less vibrant over time. This book was a weaving of a memoir, cultural commentary, and spiritual insights. Here are some takeaways:

    • What would happen if we checked into the lives we’re building as much as we checked into other people’s lives online?
    • Think about something you’ve been wanting to do for a long time – something you keep pushing off because of e-mail, mindless scrolling, or yet another binge-worthy show. Whatever it is, power down your phone and do that thing you’ve been wanting to do. After one hour, turn your phone back on. You’ll have missed out on nothing, but gained something back instead: a piece of your time, a tiny sliver of your life.
    • Before taking the challenge, define what “unplugged” means to you. For the author, it means not using your phone, internet, social media, tv, or consuming any form of digital media. Build your boundaries intentionally.
    • Don’t believe the lie that you don’t have enough time. Instead, acknowledge that exercising, reading, etc. just isn’t a priority for you right now. Scrolling on your phone takes up a lot of time. The time is there; it’s just waiting to be reclaimed.

    The double-edged truth about the devices we hold is that there will always be something to check. Something to read. Some way to improve. Something to watch. Another thing to reply to. Something to share. Another comment to make.

    Scrolling in bed in morning: “I was allowing other people’s fingerprints – their agendas, opinions, praise, and problems – to get all over my day before my feet even touched the ground.”

    There’s often a disconnect between the life people are living and the life they’re curating for others to see. In the unplugged hours, ask yourself: Does this moment still matter to you if no one else knows you went, saw, lived, ate, loved, fought, and tried? Does this moment still matter to you if you never pull out your phone to tell people that it happened?

    I highly recommend this book for anyone feeling like they are on their phones too much and that they don’t have time to do things they’ve been putting off, including maintaining friendships.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “What If YOU Are the Answer? And 26 Other Questions That Just Might CHANGE YOUR LIFE” was written by Rachel Hollis, a speaker, podcast host, entrepreneur, and #1 New York Times bestselling author whose work has impacted millions of readers worldwide. This book was thought-provoking. Here are some things that resonated with me.

    • What Who are you waiting for? Live your life. Try new stuff and see if you like it. Learn to look at other humans as individual plays in their own stories without feeling the need to write yours the same way. Listen to your heart, your gut, and your inner knowing. Give yourself permission to change lanes, directions, occupations, beliefs, and other things you need to on the journey of trying your best to do your best.
      • Realize that no one else can solve our problems, heal our wounds, or make the most of the opportunity we’ve been given. You are the hero you’ve been waiting for.
    • What must you let go of to be the person you want to be?
    • What’s bigger, your dreams or your excuses?
    • Knowing what you know today, would you sign up for this again? Job, friends, relationships, projects, etc. If not, what are you going to do about it?
    • Who would you be without your fear?
      • There are two kinds of fear: 1) clear and present danger of a very real threat 2) imaginary fear we create by dreaming up what might happen – anything you’ve never done, places you’ve never gone, conversations you’ve never had, and people you don’t know
      • Anything you’re curious about or interested in but don’t pursue because of what might happen is you allowing your fear to control you.

    I highly recommend this book for anyone wanting to reflect on their lives and personal growth and make changes.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Burps” is a children’s book written by Grace Hansen. I wanted to learn more about burping since this is new to me. Here are some tidbits:

    • When we eat and drink, we swallow food and water, but we also swallow air. Air contains gases like nitrogen and oxygen.
    • Too much gas in the esophagus and stomach can be uncomfortable. Burping releases this excess gas.
    • Carbonated drinks contain carbon dioxide and can cause us to burp.
    • Bacteria in our digestive tract helps break down food. Hydrogen peroxide can be made int he process. This gas smells like rotten eggs.
    • Burping is our body’s way of releasing excess gas.

    Although this book said that everyone burps, that is not true! Some people have a condition called RCPD (inability to burp).

    4 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • February 2025 Reads

    I read four books in February. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in February.

    “Rolling Warrior” was written by Judith Heumann with Kristen Joiner. Judith is an internationally recognized leader in the disability rights movement. She has advocated for disability rights at home and abroad, serving in the Clinton and Obama administrations and as the World Bank’s first advisor on disability and development. Kristen is a writer and activist who tries to tell stories that change how people see the world. This book was the young reader’s edition of Judith’s acclaimed memoir “Being Heumann.”

    Judith became sick with polio when she was 18 months old. Most people who get it are fine after a week or two, but some end up paralyzed and not able to move. Judith was paralyzed and can move her arms and hands, but can’t walk, dress herself, or go to the bathroom by herself. Judith detailed the challenges of living with polio:

    • Having a manual wheelchair when streets had curbs with no ramps
    • not going to a typical school until she was 14 years old – 1 1/2 hours away because her neighborhood school wasn’t accessible
    • having to ask other students for assistance when needing to go to the bathroom
    • having to ask other students for assistance to get into her dorm, which had a step
    • engaging in a sit-in protest with 150 disabled people to prompt the signing of Section 504.

    Section 504 of Title V of the 1973 Rehabilitation Act prohibits discrimination against people with disabilities in institutions and programs receiving federal funding. Judith’s lifelong work also contributed to the passage of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA).

    My story is similar to so many other people’s – those with and without disabilities. Telling our stories helps strengthen our ability to continue to fight against injustice. Sharing the stories about how we want our world to be – and then turning these dreams and visions into reality – is what we must all commit to doing.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “What I Told My Daughter: Lessons from Leaders on Raising the Next Generation of Empowered Women” was edited by Nina Tassler with Cynthia Littleton. Nina Tassler spent more than a decade as head of entertainment programming for CBS. This book consisted of short essays. Here are some of the many quotes from the essays that stood out to me.

    We tell our girls that they can do anything, be anything, that the world is theirs for the taking. We encourage them – expect them – to be ultra-high achievers with lofty goals for college and beyond. I fear we may sometimes put too much pressure on our girls, imbue them with impossible standards. I worry that our dreams for them may sometimes, unintentionally, lead them to believe they can never make mistakes, and that perfection is more important than resilience. I want her to know that not only can she success, but that she can fail without being a failure, be hurt without being diminished, and be embarrassed without being ashamed.

    • “They always have the right to change their minds, especially when it comes to their personal happiness, whether it involves friendships, potential partners, and even career choices.”
    • “There are so many lessons we teach our daughters every single day – by what we say and do and how we treat others and how we let them treat us. We lead by example.”
    • “Choose friends who care about your feelings. Choosing the right people in whom to entrust our emotions and vulnerabilities may be the hardest but most important skill we learn in life.”

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Your Journey to Financial Freedom” was written by Jamila Souffrant, founder of Journey to Launch and the host of the podcast of the same name. She has been featured by several news outlets and is a certified financial education instructor. This book covered financial independence, creating your enjoyable financial independence plan, executing it, increasing income, paying down liabilities/debt, increasing assets, and staying the course and enjoying the journey. I got a lot out of this book. Here are some key points:

    • This book covered 5 journeyer stages, each of which has different financial priorities. This book also covered 5 different guacamole levels, which correspond with different lifestyle levels.
    • There are 6 components you’ll need to work on to help you reach financial independence: income, expenses, liabilities, assets, mindset, and habits.
    • This book encourages readers to evaluate their expenses based on their journeyer stage and guac level. Consider whether you are comfortable with sacrificing everyday indulgences now to achieve a bigger guac level later, whether you plan to maintain the same level in the future when you reach financial independence, and what guac level you can realistically live at now while working toward financial independence and the guac level you want to maintain once you reach it. Many people assume they need the same income in retirement but have goals of traveling more and living a more luxurious life. Evaluate your lifestyle and expenses now compared to your desired lifestyle and expenses later.
    • This book covered ways to increase income, set savings goals, optimize expenses, create a debt payoff plan, and increase assets.

    It isn’t all about the future and living your best life in retirement. What are the things that you want and wish to do when you reach financial independence and how can you start doing them now? ex: hobbies and vacations

    Don’t put your joy and freedom on layaway. The thing about living too much in the future or waiting for the next is that by the time you accomplish or have those things, your life has passed you by. Figuring out how to enjoy the now no matter where you are is critical to a peaceful and sustainable journey. Find joy right where you are.

    This book was very comprehensive and educational, and I highly recommend it!

    5 out of 5 stars

    “Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff: Declutter, Downsize, and Move Forward with Your Life” was written by Matt Paxton with Jordan Michael Smith. Matt is one of America’s top downsizing and hoarding experts, has been the featured cleaner on Hoarders, is the host of Legacy List with Matt Paxton, has been featured in several news outlets, and has helped thousands of people from all walks of life leave behind belongings that no longer serve them so that they can finally take the next step. Jordan Michael Smith is an award-winning journalist, author, ghostwriter, and speechwriter. This book is also in collaboration with AARP, the nation’s largest nonprofit, nonpartisan organization dedicated to empowering people aged 50+ to choose how they live as they age. Here are some of many tips that resonated with me:

    • Clean or declutter for 10 minutes every night 5x/week. Stick to it.
    • Set a deadline to keep yourself accountable and force you to do the hard work even when you don’t feel like it.
    • Understand your why. What are your reasons for decluttering? Less stress? More space for stuff? Moving?
    • The best predictor of whether you’ll need an item is whether you are currently using it or have recently used it, not whether you think that, one day, somehow, somewhere, you’ll use it. In all likelihood, that day will never come. Love who you actually are and force yourself to say goodbye to your “fantasy self” items, the stuff you think you’ll use when you’re a different version of yourself. Ex: exercise equipment, clothes that are way too small
    • Give yourself permission to give. Don’t confuse the emotional worth with the economic worth. Something is only worth financially what an independent third party will give you.

    Free yourself from guilt. We think we’re expected to carry on not just traditions passed down to us, but actual belongings. The reality is that you aren’t obligated to any thing or lifestyle other than the one you want. Let go of expectations about your obligations to inanimate objects.

    Ask yourself, “What are the items that will help me live happily and keep my story living on forever?” Discover your legacy and feel free to keep 5-6 items that are intensely personal, both to the giver and the receiver.

    We confuse the sentimental value of our objects with the financial value they’ll have to others. It’s only human to believe our stuff is worth more than it actually is because we attach emotions and memories to those items. Selling our belongings means separating the powerful emotional value from the brutal financial reality of what those possessions are worth in the marketplace.

    I highly recommend this comprehensive book! It contains tips for decluttering, moving, creating a Legacy List of items, giving items away, selling items, and contains many resources.

    5 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – November 21, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Mary’s Cup of Tea – 5 Mantras to Get You Through Tough Times

    • Be here now.
    • This too shall pass.
    • Everything happens for me, not to me.
    • Emotions need motion. We can’t sit with our feelings for too long. You need to do positive and productive things to get the feelings out.
    •  Lead with love.

    Life Kit – How to slow down when you eat

    • Signs you are eating too fast: hiccups, heartburn, feeling hungry right after eating
    • Mindful eating asks us to slow down and notice our food.
    • Most nutritionists urge us to take 20 minutes to eat a meal. It takes that long for your body to get the signal to the brain that you are full. If you eat fast, your brain is not getting that signal that you are full, causing you to eat too much.
    • Tips:
      • Allocate time to eat and only eat. Don’t use your phone while eating.
      • Engage your senses. Be with the food and notice the colors, scents, taste, texture, etc.
      • Pre-portion food. Take smaller portions to the table. Ex: put chips in a bowl ahead of time to keep you from overeating.
      • Chewing is important. Chew several times to ease digestion.
      • If you have limited time for meals, save some food to eat as a snack later.

    5 contemplations of mindful eating

    Before Breakfast – Make space for friendship

    • Studies show that people think they’d be happier with more friends, but what actually makes us happier is being considered someone’s best friend.
    • A better strategy is to be a dynamite teammate to 3-5 people.
    • Friendships start out with shared activities.
    • Choice theory says that we all have five inherent genetic needs: survival, power, love and belonging, freedom (self-expression), and fun. Friendships should have these elements.
    • The biggest mistake is that people don’t think about how their invitation lands in someone else’s inbox. Give specific times and locations.
    • Ask friends questions like “How can I help you? What are your pain points? Tell me what’s going on. How’s your job? How has your social life been?” Be an excellent teammate and be careful not to dominate conversations.
    • Make silence meaningful. Try to make a plan with someone very busy and say something like “If I don’t hear from you by ___, I’ll assume you can’t go.” By saying how you will interpret the silence, you are taking power and giving a kindness to the other person of “I understand you may not get back to me. Here’s how I will interpret a non-answer.”
    • Pick your elite tiers of people and commit to prioritizing them, being in contact with them, and seeing them regularly. Other connections are a bonus, but it’s not as overwhelming when you prioritize the top tier friends.

    Law School Toolbox Podcast – Quick Tips – LinkedIn Best Practices for Law Students

    Although I’m not in law school, I finally caved and signed up for LinkedIn after months of my professors and paralegal program classmates emphasizing its importance. I still have a lot to learn, but this podcast was helpful!

    • LinkedIn is the go-to professional networking platform
    • Your profile is often the first impression you make on potential employers for connection.
    • Use an up-to-date professional photo. Pay attention to your background.
    • Headline – title should be specific, not generic.
    • If an employer searches for terms you used in your title, your profile will likely appear closer to the top in their search results.
    • About section – summarize who you are, what your goals are, and how you achieved them. Who you are now, who you were before (what did you do/where did you work), who you aspire to be (what type of law, etc.) Try to add your personality into the mix.
    • Experience section – list all relevant experiences. Instead of using bullet points, write a full paragraph telling the story of your accomplishments, activities, and roles in each position. Be specific about your duties and outcomes.
    • Education – all higher education. Include activities and extracurriculars. Be specific about your roles. Include awards you received.
    • Licenses and certifications – NSLT, Lexis Nexis legal research certification course, etc.
    • Publications
    • Start by connecting with people you know – classmates, family members, friends, old coworkers, and professors
    • Use LinkedIn to connect with alumni from your school who work in the area of law you are interested in. Reach out to attorneys who work in areas you are interested in.
    • Like and comment on posts from your connections. Share your own updates, too.
    • Always maintain professionalism in every aspect of your profile. Proofread everything. Keep your profile updated and current. Quality over quantity for connections.

    I enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

    https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/what-time-do-you-open

    “What Time Do You Open?

    November 14, 2024

    You get to pick. But whatever time you post on the door we expect you to be fully open. Not a limited menu. Not partially attentive. Not just half the vibe.

    Whatever it’s like when we walk in, we assume that’s the way it always is…so for whatever way you want to known, it starts from the time you open.”

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – November 14, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Self-Growth Nerds – 5 Most Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself

    • What do I make ___ mean about myself? Ex: rejection – “I make it mean that I will never find someone because I am deeply flawed.” I make it mean . . . creates distance between you and your thoughts. You get to be the observer of your thoughts.
    • What else could it mean/what else could be true? This opens your mind to other possibilities that you might not have considered because you are so focused on the one that is making you suffer.
    • What would ___ say? What would someone I look up to say? What would my most loving and confident friend say?
    • So what? Dedramatize the situation you’re in.
    • Who would you be without that thought? The thought you are so attached to is a choice. Someone else with a different background might not have that thought.

    TED Health – A Healthier You: A 5-step guide to better doctor visits

    • Prepare for the appointments. Write down questions or concerns to ask your doctor about.
    • Be real with your doctor, even if it feels awkward. Tell them the whole story. Tell them exactly how pain or illnesses or medical procedures affect your day-to-day life.
    • Don’t be afraid to ask questions or even get a second or third opinion. Clarifying things is necessary.
    • Bring a trusted person to your appointments if you can. Take detailed notes that you can review later.
    • Don’t be afraid to follow up. Be persistent. Push for answers or referrals to specialists. You’re never a burden for asking questions or pushing for better care. Follow up until you get the care that you deserve.
    • What’s one step that you can take today to be a better advocate for your own health? Maybe it’s scheduling an appointment you’ve been putting off, writing down questions for your next appointment, or following up and requesting a referral to a specialist.

    NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – Are You Spending Like Your Generational Peers?

    • BLS data – Baby Boomers spend 95% of annual income after taxes, Gen Z spends 93% of annual income after taxes, Millennials spend 83%, and Gen X spends 84%.
    • Millennials and Gen X are spending close to 15% of total expenses on retirement. Gen Z are spending close to 12% on retirement. These are averages!
    • Food accounts for 12-13% of expenditures among all generations.
    • Groceries account for 7% of all spending and takeout takes up 6% of spending
    • Gen Z spend on average 4% on healthcare expenses.
    • The highest-earning generation spends the most money on transportation (car, flights, public transit). Gen X spent $17,000 on average in 2023 compared to $10,000 for Gen Z.

    Are you spending and saving like your generational peers? Or are you doing better or worse?

    • New tax brackets for 2025 + new standard deductions

    Fit, Healthy, & Happy Podcast – Fitness & Health Habits to Break

    • Pre-workout – too much caffeine. Don’t drink more than 500 mg per day. You shouldn’t need pre-workout every day. Analyze your consumption and don’t rely on pre-workout. Are you getting enough sleep?
    • Over-reliance on warms ups/needing certain machines/shoes/equipment – some people are so particular and don’t deviate from warmup routines, an Apple Watch, etc.
    • All or nothing mentality (weekends especially) – it won’t always be a perfect day to work out and you won’t have as much time as you’d like to but move your body anyway.
    • Demonizing foods – restriction causes cravings. Don’t put labels on foods. Moderation is the key to success. 80/20 clean eating
    • Neglecting sleep/recovery – cut off caffeine consumption by 12 p.m. Prioritize sleep and recovery.
    • Crutching protein and protein supplements – focus on whole food sources for protein.
    • Lifting with bad form – have a season where you really focus on perfecting your form.
    • Treating it as a chore and not having much to look forward to – if you view working out as a chore, you won’t push yourself or make progress. Find something to look forward to and set goals you want to hit. When you see results or progress, working out is more exciting. Update your routine or goals or try a new challenge.
    • Only allowing yourself to see results or having no social life – have a balance of working out and a social life. Fitness and health need to be integrated within your life. Have some flexibility with your fitness to have a social life.
    • Refusing to change your mind/update your beliefs – you need to try new things, update your beliefs, and have the capacity to change your mind. Ex: you can have carbs and still be in shape.

    I enjoyed this post from Seth’s blog this week:

    The problem with the movie version

    “The problem with the movie version

    There are lights, camera and action, but mostly there’s the unreality of making it fit.

    Happily ever after, a climax at just the right moment, perfect heroes, tension, resolution and a swelling soundtrack. Every element is amplified and things happen right on schedule.

    Consume enough media and we may come to believe that our life is carefully scripted, and that we’re stars of a movie someone else is directing.

    This distracts us from the truth that real life is more muddled and less scripted. There is no soundtrack. We’re actually signed up for a journey and a slog. Nothing happens ever after. It’ll change, often in a way we don’t expect.

    We have no choice but to condense a story when we want to film it. Our real story, on the other hand, cannot be condensed, it can only be lived. Day by day.”

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • October 2024 Reads

    I read six books in October, two of which were short poetry books. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in October.

    “Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World” is a Christian book written by Jennie Allen and is filled with stories, science-based insights, and practical ideas for building deep community. I had several takeaways from this book, but here are just a few.

    5 out of 5 stars

    “We’re all just kind of waiting for connection to find us. We’re waiting for someone else to initiate and be there for us. We’ve replaced intrusive, real conversations with small talk, and we’ve substituted soul-bearing, deep, connected living with texts and a night together every once in a while. Quit waiting for people to reach out to you. Start initiating and asking people the questions you wish they’d ask you.”

    Factors to look for in friendships include availability, humility, proximity, transparency, consistency, accountability to others, and a shared purpose.

    Some ideas for building friendships:

    • invite friends to bonfires
    • plan get togethers
    • intentional, active listening
    • affirm your friends
    • ask your friends about the highs and lows of their week
    • join a club
    • ask deep questions
    • listen
    • share the real stuff

    “A Good Time for the Truth: Race in Minnesota” is a collection of stories of what it’s like to live as a person of color in Minnesota, was published by the Minnesota Historical Society Press, and was edited by Sun Yung Shin.

    4 out of 5 stars

    Here are some quotes that stood out to me:

    “[People] unconsciously believe you are unfit to mother your own child simply because you are a Black woman.”

    “Sometimes I catch myself staring at my son, wondering what he is going to do when someone gives him a piece of paper with boxes on it and asks him to check the box saying who he is – if he is going to pause before marking “Black.” As I do. Because Black is not a race.”

    “To be a Korean adoptee in Minnesota is to be both hypervisible and invisible at the same time. It means that people can tell you they don’t see you as Korean as if that is a compliment.”

    “If My Flowers Bloom” is a Button Poetry book of poems by Deshara Suggs-Joe, a queer, Black poet and visual artist. These poems were about desire, and many were sexual in nature. Honestly, this book was not one I enjoyed. I have included a snippet of my favorite poem from the book.

    2 out of 5 stars

    “ex traction” is a Button Poetry book of poems by Lara Coley, a San Francisco poet and educator who has taught creative writing and ESL in juvenile detention centers, schools, universities, and mental health treatment centers. Lara’s poems sharply dissect love relationships, and many are abuse and loving emotionally unavailable men.

    4 out of 5 stars

    Here are some snippets:

    “How do you love so softly, so gently, so quietly, with your hand so tightly cradled around my throat?”

    “We were lying on my bed and I asked him why, in our two years together, he’d never told me he loved me. He said he didn’t need to, that everyone knew. Een Jessica knows, he said. Well, good for her, I said. Good for Jessica.”

    “She is wearing your affection like a coat, tailored to fit her. I remember stretching your love around my shoulders like a misshapen shovel that would never cover any parts of me that needed warmth.”

    “Never Not Working: Why the Always-On Culture is Bad for Business – and How to Fix It” was written by Malissa Clark, associate professor of industrial-organizational psychology at the University of Georgia. Malissa is also a recognized expert on the topics of workaholism, overwork, burnout, and employee well-being. I highly recommend this book and will post about it in more detail sometime.

    5 out of 5 stars

    This book was filled with helpful information. This book covered signs of workaholic behavior, how to counteract workaholic behavior, the main components of workaholism, specific signals of workaholic culture within an organization, overwork assessments, and questions to ask after you get a job offer. Here are some of my many take-aways.

    The most direct way to figure out what’s valued in a culture isn’t to listen to what people say is important. It’s to pay attention to who gets rewarded and promoted to leadership roles. Groups elevate people who represent their principles and advance their goals.

    Here are some signs of workaholic behavior:

    • rumination – always thinking about work
    • overcommitment – always taking on too much and not knowing limits
    • busyness – always doing – unstructured time feels uncomfortable
    • perfectionism – nothing is ever good enough
    • poor delegation
    • poor scoping – underestimating how long it will take to do something
    • catastrophizing

    3 questions to ask after you get a job offer to learn about the culture (courtesy of Work Life with Adam Grant):

    • Tell me about something that happens here that wouldn’t happen elsewhere.
    • Tell me about a time when people didn’t walk the talk here.
    • Tell me a story about who gets hired, promoted, and fired around here.

    “All the Gold Stars: Reimagining Ambition and the Ways We Strive” was written by Rainesford Stauffer, an author, journalist, and speaker. This book contained a thoughtful exploration of ambition. Although this book contained several ramblings, there were some great takeaways.

    4 out of 5 stars

    So many modern ideas of ambition are rooted in work-related self-development, self-improvement, and career mobility, but ambition isn’t just about work. For those of us who feel that our performance at work – or our ambition – is the most valuable, worthiest, and most significant part of us, and thus, the most important part of our lives, we lose ourselves at the center of our stories.

    Two primary sources of influence of our self-concept are our childhood experiences and our evaluation by others. Evaluation is ambition’s sidekick. Ambition is often registered as achievement.

    Don’t let the world place limits on your ambition. Our efforts, time, imagination, and care can be oriented toward what matters to us most deeply in the face of a world that’s screaming to-do lists at us. Ambitions can be demonstrated in your hobbies, your values, how you care for yourself, your contributions to your community and causes, your friendships, etc.

    Questions to ask yourself:

    • Think about your unrésuméd self – What are the things that actually fill you up that no one cares about, or you can’t put on your resume?
    • Who came up with this aspiration? Is it my idea or something random I thought I should aspire to?
    • What resources does it take to be ambitious about this, and is it worth it?
    • What does this ambition serve? It is me, a loved one, or something I care deeply about, or just an arbitrary marker of success?
    • How can the personal definitions we have of ambition expand?

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – October 24, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Stuff You Should Know – The Story of Spirit Halloween

    • Spirit Halloween in the United States is well-known for being a giant Halloween pop-up store that sprouts up in old malls, strip malls, and old big-box stores that are 7,000-10,000 square feet. 
    • There are more than 1,400 stores in the U.S. between August and November. Some are within miles of one another.
    • Spirit Halloween hires 25,000 temporary employees August-November. Stores close on November 2. Spirit Halloween’s online store is open year-round. 
    • 30-40% of stock carries over from year to year 
    • Keys to their growth plan:
      • presence
      • ads
      • 10,000 foot storefront close to another big-box store such as Target/Walmart/shopping center
      • expand beyond just costumes (include décor)  

    Life Kit: Health – How to cut ultra-processed foods from your diet 

    • Packaged foods – high levels of salt and fat, added sugars, added colorings, added flavorings, hydrolyzed protein isolate, high fructose corn syrup, bulking agents like maltodextrin – tend to have a lot of additives  
    • Foods that are made with ingredients derived from foods and reassembled to create a product 
    • There is a lot of research linking overconsumption of ultra-processed foods to poor health outcomes, like type two diabetes, obesity, hypertension, cardiovascular disease, etc.  
    • Look at the ingredient list. Ignore the health claims on the packaging. If there are ingredients you don’t recognize and wouldn’t have in your home kitchen, it’s an ultra-processed food. 
    • Even if it’s ultra-processed, look for things lower in sugar or no added sugars that have some fiber and protein. 
    • Craving salt? Think about eating nuts. If you love breakfast cereals, look for something with protein and fiber. Yogurt – look for something with low or no added sugar and use some fresh berries to sweeten it. Look for a high protein option. 
    • Canned items like vegetables and beans often have added sodium. You can rinse them in a colander to cut out some salt. 
    • Focus more on eating things you know you should be eating more of, such as fresh or frozen fruits and vegetables. 
    • Cooking more from scratch at home is always a better option.
    • Aim for the 80/20 rule – eat 80% clean, whole foods, and splurge on up to 20% of your diet. 
    • Truefood.tech – tells you how processed food items are – look up your brand and product – suggests less processed alternatives 
      • This website is fascinating!

    You can type in a brand and product and it will show you a processing score, ingredients (and additives), and alternatives and their processing scores!

    Before Breakfast – Make it worth the commute 

    • If you are going to go into the office, make it worth the commute. Use your in-office time for relationship building and collaboration. 
    • You don’t want to spend your time and energy going somewhere just to e-mail and call people in other places because you can do that from home. 
    • When you’re just getting to know a new colleague, in-person conversations can be valuable. Schedule lunch, conversations, or coffee with a colleague during your in-office days. 

    The Big Flop – The Truth About D.A.R.E. 

    • Some studies show a higher rate of drug use among D.A.R.E. participants than those who didn’t participate.
    • Drug Abuse Resistance Education (D.A.R.E.) is best remembered due to the ads and PSAs that were intended to promote “Just say no.”
    • Drug-Free Schools and Communities Act – D.A.R.E. is the only program that is eligible for funding from this law, so they got federal money to go nationwide
    • There was an 80-hour course for D.A.R.E. officers
    • ¾ of all school districts in the United States used the program. Over 5.5 million kids were exposed to the program, and over 11,000 police officers were involved. Each year, between $600-750 million of taxpayer money was spent on D.A.R.E.
    • Nancy Reagan – honorary D.A.R.E. graduate – backed D.A.R.E.
    • D.A.R.E. curriculum:
      • Alternatives to doing drugs: deep breathing
      • Strategies to keep yourself safe at parks, shows, and the mall
      • Ways to say no were all extremely obvious: just walk away, just ignore the person, change the subject, etc.
      • Puts all drugs on the same level – alcohol, pot, cocaine equally serious
      • According to one D.A.R.E. workbook, you can tell when a bunch of people are up to no good if they have tattoos (!)
    • Merchandise
      • Clothing with D.A.R.E. logo, pencils that said “too cool to do drugs” – depending on how much you sharpened it, it would bring the wrong message – eventually to just “do drugs” or “drugs”
    • Criticisms of the program:
      • Person who came up with D.A.R.E. testified in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee that people who use drugs, even casually, should be taken out and shot.
      • Recognize, resist, report – the report part attracts criticism because some people believe it’s turning kids into police informants
      • Kids calling on parents and sending them to prison
      • After multiple studies, the program was found to not work. The effectiveness of D.A.R.E. has yet to be established.
      • Marijuana use by teens increased. D.A.R.E. makes certain kids want to try drugs- “you can’t tell me what to do”
      • Ineffective primary prevention program
    • The program stuck around until 2009 when it was finally phased out.
    • U.S. spent over 1 trillion dollars on D.A.R.E.
    • A new version of D.A.R.E. was introduced in 2009, keeping it R.E.A.L. Refuse, explain, avoid, and leave. Some initial research indicates that this program MAY be more effective, although it’s been criticized for a lack of focus on harm reduction.
    • Misuse of funds and time

    This post from Seth’s blog resonated with me this week:

    Confused about good

    “Confused about good

    How often do we assume that popular things are good, and that good things become popular?

    If your work doesn’t catch on, does that mean it wasn’t good?

    In almost every field, people with insight, taste and experience admire and emulate good things that aren’t popular, and are surprised by popular things that aren’t good.

    Perhaps we need to broaden our definition (or narrow it) so we can be clear about what we mean.”

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – October 10, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Self-Growth Nerds – The Power of Consistency: 5 Mindset Shifts for Achieving Your Dreams

    • Consistency – to show up again and again for what is important to you – working out, journaling, sharing a blog post, going to a comedy club monthly, etc.
    • Remove the pressure of perfection. Lower the bar of your expectations.
      • Show up and be consistent. Control what you can control but know that you won’t be perfect every time. Focus on showing up and trying your best.
      • What feels alive in me right now? What is something interesting I’ve seen or heard recently, and what’s the meaning in there?
    • Commit. Make a decision and be clear in what you’re committing to.
      • Know what it is you are committing to. Ex: run one mile each day, post one blog post each week, go on one outing per week, etc.
    • Don’t expect to be consistent in every single aspect of your life. Choose your priorities wisely. Be clear about why each choice is important and accept the grief that comes with loss.
      • Choose what lights you up rather than what makes sense. Choose something you really want to do.
    • Make it a part of your identity and find pride in that.
      • “I am someone who posts a podcast every week.” “I am someone who runs every day.” “I am someone who reads every day.” Etc.“I am becoming someone who _____.” “I am someone who ____ because ____.”
      • Choose a new identity today. Choose one thing to focus on and embody that new part of your identity.
    • Never beat yourself up. Decide what kind of boss you want to be to yourself. Firm, loving, forgiving.
    • Tips:
      • Put it on the calendar. If it’s not on the calendar, it’s probably not going to happen
      • Habit stack – ex: journal while drinking coffee, watch tv while walking on the treadmill, listen to a podcast while doing chores
      • Remove pain points. Think of convenience.
      • Get an accountability partner.

    Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 10 Things Being a Therapist Taught Me About the Human Experience

    • Most people fear they’re not good enough. At the heart of almost every issue is the fear of not being good enough. This manifests in different ways. One person might become an overachiever, other people just don’t try, other people change who they are or act differently depending on who is around them because they want to feel accepted.
    • Everyone has secrets – mental health issues, addictions, childhood abuse, etc.
    • People’s inner worlds are often hidden. Many people believe that their thoughts and feelings would surprise even their closest friends and family.
    • The desire for connection is universal. Many people feel lonely in a crowded room.
    • Self-criticism is rampant. We are our own harshest critics and hold ourselves to impossible standards. Self-judgment leads to guilt and anxiety. Learn to reframe your inner dialogue and train your brain to think differently and have self-compassion.
    • Change is terrifying yet desired. We crave change to improve our lives, but we fear it because we hate uncertainty.
    • Vulnerability is both feared and desired. We all have a desire to be understood, yet fear keeps us from being vulnerable.
    • Emotional pain is often masked.
    • Past experiences shape present perceptions. Our behaviors and attitudes are shaped by things that happened to us in the past.
    • Hope is a powerful force.

    Real Simple Tips – 6 Tips for Keeping Lips Moisturized

    • Don’t lick your lips. Licking your lips makes the problem worse. Enzymes in saliva can break down the delicate skin, leaving your lips even drier than before.
    • Avoid irritating products. Steer clear of products containing flavorings, fragrances, menthol, camphor, eucalyptus, and beeswax.
    • Use lip balm with SPF. SPF minimizes lip dryness while also curbing your potential for skin cancer and premature aging.
    • Layer your products. Lips benefit from a hybrid approach of hydration and moisturization. Ex: Blistex medicated lip balm + Vaseline or lip oil.
    • Reapply every two hours. This regular application is crucial since activities like licking your lips, kissing, eating, or drinking can wear away the product.
    • Try an intensive lip treatment weekly or biweekly. Ex: lip mask.

    Life Kit – How to talk to your loved ones about misinformation

    • Start from a place of connection, not correction.
    • If it’s just a matter of not seeing eye to eye about an issue, it’s okay to opt out to preserve the relationship.
    • Try leading with compassion, love, and empathy.
    • Take time to understand why your loved one believes the misleading content. Be in conversation with them. Recognize that their experiences impact how they engage with what they read online and what they believe.
    • Talk about where you both get your information and why you find the sources to be trustworthy. What is the evidence? Check qualifications and conflicts of interest.
    • Identify points where you do agree. Be mindful of maintaining goodwill.
    • Realize that you aren’t here to change anyone’s core beliefs. You’re simply trying to address a piece of information that is not correct.
    • Correcting political misinformation doesn’t make much difference in how much people trust that source in the future or in how likely they are going to vote for a political candidate.
    • When you do attempt to correct misinformation, provide a detailed fact check. What is actually true?
    • Corrections to misinformation are worth repeating. Don’t expect things to change after one conversation.

    With this year being an election year, misinformation is rampant. Use these tips to talk to your loved ones about misinformation or simply opt to not talk about different beliefs. Sometimes people are so strong in their opinions that no evidence you provide will change them, and it’s important to recognize and accept that.

    I enjoyed this blog post from Seth’s Blog this week:

    Everything costs

    Everything costs

    But not all costs are the same.

    There are three kinds of costs that people get confused about, but understanding them, really understanding them–in your bones–unlocks opportunity.

    Opportunity cost: If you eat the cupcakes, you can’t also eat the brownies. Every time we choose to do something, we’re choosing not to do something else.

    Sunk costs: If you’ve invested time or money in something (a law degree, a piece of real estate, a bag of chips) that money is gone. All you have left is what you bought, and that is a gift… a gift from your former self. You don’t have to accept the gift if it’s no longer useful to you. Using a gift still has real opportunity cost, and if it’s keeping you from doing something better, walk away.

    Marginal cost: How much extra does this decision cost? For a subscriber, the marginal cost of watching one more show on Netflix is zero. The service costs the same regardless of how many shows you watch. On the other hand, the marginal cost of a tuna sandwich is equal to what it costs to replace the ingredients. It makes sense to prefer things with a lower marginal cost if everything else is similar.

    I’ve never encountered a person who was fully rational in making decisions on any of these three sorts of costs. That’s okay. But let’s do it on purpose.”

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • September 2024 Reads

    I read three books in September 2024. School has been keeping me busy. Here is a brief synopsis of the books I read in September.

    “Crossing Fifty-One: Not Quite A Memoir” was written by Debbie Russell, a retired Hennepin County Prosecutor. This book contained themes of family dynamics, building your own identity, addiction, and reducing the stigma associated with addiction.

    Debbie’s grandfather suffered with asthma and admitted himself to a federal narcotic farm for his Demerol addiction, where he assisted in treating his fellow patients. In this memoir, Debbie shares insights into her family’s history through her conversations, research, and letters her grandfather wrote or received. Here are some quotes that stood out to me:

    “Since most addicts have some sort of personality disorder, it follows that the basic attack on the problem of addiction is to prevent the development of such disorders. It is the current belief that most of these result from frustrated drives for security, recognition, and affection, particularly during childhood. Granting this, attention must be focused on preparing parents and prospective parents for their roles in shaping the personalities of their children.”

    “It’s much harder to dig inside ourselves and try to figure out how we contribute to our own problems. It’s my current struggle. Every. Single. Day.”

    “It takes amazing perspective to be able to think of a locked drug rehab facility as a ‘retreat.’ But maybe, compared to Papa’s struggles with addiction, the facility served as a haven.”

    4 out of 5 stars

    “We Came, We Saw, We Left: A Family Gap Year” was written by Charles Wheelan, a former correspondent for the Economist who teaches public policy ad economics at Dartmouth College. This book was an exhilarating and exciting read about the family gap year that consisted of 9 months, 6 continents, 3 teenagers, and 1 flesh-eating parasite. I learned about traveling minimally on a budget and about different destinations. Here are some takeaways:

    Traveling around the world for nine months is cheaper than staying at home (if you rent out your house). The author spent less on food while traveling, didn’t have to pay for gas, and only needed storage insurance for his vehicles back home. The primary expense associated with traveling is forgone income. All-in, their budget was $60 per person per day. This was fascinating to me, although I don’t have a job that would allow me to take off for one year. To put it in perspective, according to the author, traveling around the world for nine months would only delay retirement by one year.

    “Experiences, rather than things, are what make us happiest in the long run. Experiences become an ingrained part of our identity. Experiences connect us to the people with whom we share them, and experiences make up into the people we are. Even bad experiences morph into positives over time – like a funny story or a character-building experience.”

    What are some lessons they learned?

    • The world is still an interesting place, and each country has its own feel and personality.
    • They are great teammates, and marriage is about picking a person you want at your side to help navigate whatever might come along, such as traveling on a low budget to bizarre places.
    • They learned that life goes on without you. They came back to a place that was pretty much the same as they had left it.
    • The greatest luxury is time – sleeping until refreshed, reading at any time of day, and wandering aimlessly.
    • There is serious environmental damage, such as air pollution in big cities and deforestation in less-developed areas.
    • It was really fun. Adventures turned out to be worthy of that anticipation, and many great moments were entirely circumstantial.

    5 out of 5 stars

    “Ultra-Processed People: The Science Behind Food That Isn’t Food” was a fascinating and alarming book written by Chris Van Tulleken, who has a medical degree from Oxford and a PhD in molecular virology. Chris is an associate professor at University College London and a practicing infection diseases doctor. Chris studied ultra-processed foods (UPF) and conducted an experiment. He stopped eating UPF for 4 weeks, then ate 80% UPF for 4 weeks. He had his weight, height, BMI, and body fat measured both before and after the experiment, and he gained 6 kilograms (about 13 pounds). His appetite hormones were deranged, he had a 5x increase in leptin (the hormone that comes from fat), and his C-reactive protein (a marker that indicates inflammation) had doubled!

    I learned a lot from this book. Here are some of the main points:

    • If it’s wrapped in plastic and has at least one ingredient that you wouldn’t normally find in a standard home kitchen, it’s UPF. Almost every food that comes with a health claim on the packet is UPF. UPF is high in calories, fat, and sugar and low in fiber.
    • UPF displaces diverse whole foods from the diet, especially among low-income groups. It’s addictive. The emulsifiers, preservatives, modified starches, and other additives damage the microbiome. The convenience, price, and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought, which leads to more snacking, less chewing, faster eating, increased consumption, tooth decay, and other health issues.
    • There are over 10,000 additives used in food in the United States – flavors, flavor enhancers, colors, emulsifiers, artificial sweeteners, thickeners, humectants, stabilizers, acidity regulators, preservatives, antioxidants, foaming agents, anti-foaming agents, bulking agents, carbonating agents, gelling agents, glazing agents, chelating agents, bleaching agents, leavening agents, clarifying agents, etc. Over 1,000 of these were self-determined to be safe and are not FDA approved.
    • “Most UPF is not food. It’s an industrially produced edible substance.”

    This book covered several UPF ingredients, foods they are found in, and the damaging effects of them. One of those that stood out most to me was xanthan gum, which is found in many gluten-free foods and flours. Xanthan gum is a bacterial exudate slime that bacteria produce to allow them to cling to surfaces. “Think of xanthan gum the next time you scrape the accumulated gunk from the filter on your dishwasher.” Or don’t!

    4 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – September 19, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Optimal Living Daily – If You’re Feeling Stuck, Look Inward by Emily Rose Barr

    • If you’re feeling stuck on a relationship, a longtime goal, a time-consuming project, a career move, or some other aspect of life, pause and look inward. Utilize this period as an opportunity to:
      • Get to know yourself better. Ask yourself what makes this decision challenging and examine your answers closely. Use them to hone in on your values and what matters most to you.
    • Connect with others. Being vulnerable fosters deep relationships and engenders feelings of safety and understanding when we experience the gift of being heard.
    • Recognize your limits. Ask yourself what you could do differently that would make the option of sticking things out more appealing. Decide which variables you can start to conquer.
    • Recharge. Give yourself space and time to recharge. Switch up your surroundings, go on a walk, sleep, etc.
    • Practice gratitude. Take a moment to reflect on all that is going right in your life and be grateful.

    I really enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

    https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/thoughts-and-actions

    Thoughts And Actions

    September 16, 2024

    “If you’re not going to do something about it, stop thinking about it.

    If you’re not going to put action behind the things you spend a lot of time thinking about, it’s worth thinking of something else. Something that you’re going to move from thoughts into actions.

    Your time and your thoughts are precious and powerful so it’s important to spend them in ways that make a difference to yourself and to others.”

    Life Kit – Boost your mood in 15 minutes

    • Cold plunging – submerge yourself in cold water. A quick dip in cold water can improve your mood. Find a body of water in the 50–60-degree range and prioritize safety. Plan to warm up fast after.
    •  What is the least amount of movement needed to offset the risks of sitting? Just taking a 1-2 minute walk each hour helps to lower blood pressure (as opposed to sitting for 8 hours straight at work). Walking/movement five minutes per hour = more impressive results – lower blood pressure, less fatigued, better mood. If you have a few minutes, move your body for a better mood.
    • Create something. Make art – color, paint, pottery, etc.
    • NPR Joy Generator app
    • Tap into ASMR to calm your mind.
    • Watch cute animal videos or cuddle with your cat/dog.
    • Reflect on memories/nostalgia. Go through your camera roll. Listen to old music hits.

    The Liz Moody Podcast – 5 Things I Did to Fix My Phone Addiction

    • Treat the dopamine problem with dopamine solutions. Intentionally seek out hard things – a cold shower, a challenging crossword puzzle, allowing for discomfort each day. Exercise. Move your body every day. Less addicted to phone, more dopamine
    • Turn your phone to gray scale. Makes phone unappealing – less bright addictive colors
    • Remember the 23-minute rule. Science shows the need to check your phone is temporary. If it takes you 23 minutes to get into a state of full focus after checking your phone, remind yourself that if can make it through 23 minutes, you will enter a state of flow and focus.
    • Create physical barriers to being on your phone. Phones are designed to be more powerful than our willpower. Don’t have your phone in the room when you’re trying to get work done. Use an alarm clock instead of your phone. Brick device – Iphone only

    https://apps.apple.com/us/app/brick-ditch-distractions/id6448794069

    • Create a “What do I really need?” menu. What are you looking for your phone to give you right now? Joy? Consult your joy list – getting out in nature, singing, coloring, reading, walking, music, etc. Bored? Novelty-reducing boredom – plan something fun. Rest? Nap, meditate, read, etc. Every time you reach for your phone, ask yourself what you really need and brainstorm options that satisfy that need on a deep and true level.

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – September 12, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 7 Things to Spend Money On if You Want to Be a Happier Person

    • Experiences (over material goods) – collect moments, not things.
    • Invest money in relationships – pets, spouses, etc.
    • Personal development and education – think about what you like to learn about and find ways to grow and learn – buy books, take a course or attend a conference, take a trip somewhere to learn more about a culture, etc.
    • Anything related to health and wellness – gym membership, fitness equipment, therapy, quality food, etc.
    • Anything related to self-care and relaxation – massage, meditation class, hobbies, hiring a house cleaner, etc.
    • Acts of kindness and charity – spending money on other people makes us happier than spending money on ourselves. Gifts, charity donations, volunteering, etc.
    • Things that help you spend quality time in nature – outdoor activities, taking a trip in nature, etc.

    What didn’t make the list? Having a bigger house, a fancier car, a designer purse, etc.

    Optimal Health Daily – 10 Ways to Measure Progress (That Aren’t Weight Loss) by Amanda Wheeler

    This podcast stood out to me because SO many people work out solely to achieve a certain weight or physique and are often left disappointed and discouraged from continuing to exercise because they aren’t achieving the weight they desire. There are so many reasons to exercise aside from just weight loss, and there are many other ways to measure progress that aren’t weight loss.

    • Weight lifted – Can you lift heavier this month than last month?
    • Recovery – How do you feel between sets? Are you able to bring your heart rate down quickly and bounce back in?
    • Reps for time – Can you do more work in the same amount of time or the same amount of work in less time?
    • Resting heart rate – if your resting heart rate is lower, your heart is more efficient. If you’ve been training and your resting heart rate goes down, that’s progress.
    • Aerobic window – the difference between your resting heart rate and your anaerobic threshold.
    • Mobility/range of motion – if you notice you can get more range of motion, that’s progress.
    • Energy – How do you feel during the day? Are you drinking caffeine to stay awake, or do you have a consistent pep in your step? If you no longer crash midday or reach for the extra dose of caffeine, that’s progress.
    • Sleep – Are you now waking up feeling rested? That’s progress.
    • Clothing – Is your clothing getting looser? Using clothing to measure progress is a great way to feel good about yourself without diminishing the feeling by the number on the scale.
    • Confidence – How do you feel about yourself? Feeling more confident is a measure of progress that gets overlooked.

    Optimal Relationships Daily – 12 Relationship Truths I Wish I Knew 12 Years Ago by Marc Chernoff

    • You have to love yourself first. Fall in love with yourself and share that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self-love deficit.
    • You get what you put in. The true impact you make on people will depend on the time and attention you give to teaching those who know less, caring for those who have less, supporting those who are striving, and tolerating those who are different than you.
    • What most people think of you doesn’t matter. No one is ever going to care about your life and the way you choose to live it more than you will.
    • Friends and family won’t always support your goals, but you must pursue them anyway. Follow your intuition.
    • Life doesn’t always change as fast as people do. Not everyone is who you once knew.
    • Love requires three things: acceptance, honesty, and commitment.
    • A big part of who you become is who you choose to surround yourself with.
    • A soul mate is a person who brings out the best in you.

    I really enjoyed this post from Seth’s Blog:

    Your audiobook

    “Your audiobook

    Here’s a useful habit that’s more than a hack…

    The next time things are going well, when a project is about to launch, when a meeting has been successful, when the sun is shining… take your phone and go for a walk.

    Hit record on an audio app and make a twenty-minute audiobook. Talk about what you know, what you see, what you hope for. Talk about the change you seek to make and how you’re going to get there.

    And then save it.

    Save it for when you need to hear from that person who recorded it.

    It might become the best audiobook you own.”

    Before Breakfast – Be flexible on the details

    It’s okay to have requirements but be flexible on the details of how people can achieve them. The more flexible you can be on the details, the more loyalty you will probably engender. For a great many things, it is the outcome that matters.

    When people can have some choice and autonomy about the details, they feel more in control of their lives. High expectations seem less burdensome, which makes it more likely that they will be met.

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • August 2024 Reads

    I read seven books in August 2024 – the most I have read in one month since starting school this year. Here is a brief synopsis of the books I read in August, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.

    “The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control” was written by Katherine Morgan Schafler, a psychotherapist, write, and speaker and former therapist at Google. I got SO much out of this book and my notes covered the review pages for 2 books instead of 1! This book explored types of perfectionists, lessons learned, and strategies of coping with perfectionism. I will most more about this book in the future, but for now, here are a few lessons:

    • I am mostly a classic perfectionist (and partially a Parisian perfectionist). I value structure, consistency, predictability, an understanding of all the options so as to make an informed decision, high standards, objectivity, and clarity through organization. I don’t like disorder, I have difficulty adjusting to schedule changes, and I tend to experience spontaneity as stressful. Itinerary-centered existence can rob classic perfectionists of the opportunity to grow in a way that wasn’t planned or goal-oriented.
    • Right now, with all the things you have yet to achieve, you are as worthy of all the love, joy, dignity, freedom, and connection as you would be had you already achieved them. You are worthy of all these things because you exist.
    • There are many raw manifestations of perfectionism:
      • emotional (want to experience a perfect emotional state)
      • cognitive (want to understand perfectly)
      • behavioral (want to behave perfectly in my roles and perform perfectly in my tasks)
      • object (want external thing, such as desk, hair, etc. to exist in a perfect state)
      • process (want process to begin, continue, and end perfectly)

    5 out of 5 stars

    “If my body could speak: poems” by Blythe Baird included poems mostly about rape and eating disorders. Here are some lines that stood out to me:

    • “If you develop an eating disorder when you are already thin to begin with, you go to the hospital. If you develop an eating disorder when you are not thin to begin with, you are a success story.”
    • “If your body could speak, would she forgive you?”
    • “One day after years of starving and gaining and fighting, I stepped on a scale and suddenly that number didn’t say anything about me…and that night nothing on my plate said anything about me either. Later, I got ice cream from a truck and I didn’t have to make myself earn it.”
    • “I found a way to heal through the poetry. The stage is the only place I could tell my story where it wasn’t a liability I was putting onto anyone. This stage is where i learned to stop hoarding my suffering.”
    • “Do not say you didn’t try. Remember: you did the best you could in the situation you were in with the materials you had.”

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Lessons Learned and Cherished: The Teacher Who Changed My Life” was compiled by Deborah Roberts, an award-winning ABC News journalist. This book was touching, although the stories seemed to have a specific format/agenda – nearly every essay mentioned that teachers are underpaid/underappreciated at the end of each essay.

    Here are four of the lessons learned and cherished:

    • Every teacher has the potential to make a student feel connected, valued, and worthy. The greatest gift you can give is your full presence.
    • A difficult teacher can inspire you to persevere and believe in yourself. – Deborah Roberts
    • Teachers mean the world for a child’s development. Kids are not guaranteed a wonderful home base. Kids can be struggling with emotional distress or even violence, and their teachers can be the safe haven.
    • When a teacher believes in a student before they believe in themselves, they blossom. – Keri Shahidi

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Picturing Joy: Moments of Connection” was compiled by photographer George Lange. George’s work has appeared in many popular publications, and he has shot many of the iconic images from TV shows and ads for TV shows. This book was not quite what I expected. George shared stories of how he captured those moments. There were some great photos and interesting stories. Here are some takeaways from this book:

    • Photos are the artifacts of the experience a photographer creates. Photos reflect what he feels more than what he sees.
    • The role of a photographer is only to be hip enough to get in the room but not have to be the center of it. His approach is to create a space for people to reveal a part of themselves to him, and his intention is to find a way to put love out in the world.
    • “My time with subjects is often incredibly brief. A small window into a life I would never get to share without my camera.”

    4 out of 5 stars

    “To Hell With the Hustle” was written by Jefferson Bethke, the New York Times bestselling author of Jesus>Religion and It’s Not What You Think and host of The Real Life podcast. This book was not what I expected and seemed very scatterbrained, but there were some good takeaways. Here are some that resonated with me most.

    • When our work becomes who we are and we derive our ultimate value and meaning from it, it runs the risk of becoming our god – the thing we worship, bow down to, and become slaves of.
    • It’s time to stop and consider the cost of all this hustle, speed, and disillusionment. To hell with it – meaning we’re done and it comes from Hell. Jesus was never in a hurry. He was actively resisting cultural pressures on many levels. Hustle isn’t him.
    • Scripture doesn’t talk much about goals. It is focused on our identity and who we are becoming. Are we becoming more like Jesus by the practices and formations we are doing?
    • Have you ever noticed how a lot of Jesus’ miracles were not a part of his plan? They happened on his way somewhere else. You have to go at a pace that can be interrupted. That can be responsive to the moment in front of you.
    • The goal is “Well done, my good and faithful servant,” NOT “Well accomplished, my busy and hustled servant.” Well done. Faithful. If we want to get there, we have to actively resist the myriad voices and influences that subtly hypnotize us into a busier, noisier, more hustled lifestyle. Say no, that’s not the way of Jesus. That’s not the speed of Jesus. That’s not the cadence of Jesus. To hell with the hustle. I’ll take him instead.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness” was written by Robert Waldinger, MD and Marc Schulz, PhD. Robert Waldinger, MD is a professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. Marc Schulz, PhD is the associate director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and a practicing therapist.

    The Harvard Study of Adult Devlopment has followed the lives of two generations of individuals from the same families for more than 80 years – asking thousands of questions and taking hundreds of measurements to find out what really keeps people healthy and happy. I will post more about this book in the future, but for now, here are some lessons:

    • The good life is not a destination. It is the path itself and the people who are walking it with you.
    • Good relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer.
    • An investment in our social fitness isn’t only an investment in our lives as they are now. It is an investment that will affect everything about how we live in the future. Like a tree needs water, relationships are living things and need attention and maintenance.
    • Curiosity goes a long way in relationships. It opens up avenues of conversation and knowledge and helps others feel understood and appreciated.

    5 out of 5 stars

    “Calling A Wolf A Wolf” consisted of poems by Kaveh Akbar. To be honest, I didn’t really like this collection. The format of the poems bothered me, and the phrases were scattered with no punctuation. Here is an example:

    There were many poems about alcoholism, but the language didn’t make sense to me. Here are a few lines I liked:

    What Seems Like Joy – “My father believed in gardens – delighting at burying each thing in its potential for growth. Some years the soil was so hard the water seeped down slower than the green seeped up. Still he’d say if you’re not happy in your own yard you won’t be happy anywhere.”

    Portrait of the alcoholic floating in space with severed umbilicus – “I always hoped that when I died I would know why. My brother will be so sad he will tell his daughter I was better than I was. He will leave out my cruel drunk nights the wet mattresses my driving alone into cornfields unsure whether I’d drive out.”

    “Now I listen for the sighs of people who love me, each agitation I create a reminder that I am less than constant in my grace.”

    2 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – August 29, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. It has been a while. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Life Kit – Fruit flies don’t appear out of nowhere. Here’s how to get rid of them.

    • Fruit flies are attracted to primarily fruit. Though they seem to appear out of thin air, you’re probably letting them in through the front door or bringing them in on your produce.
    • When you bring home fruit, wash it with water to remove any eggs and then put the fruit in a brown paper bag to ripen.
    • Get rid of fruit flies by building a simple trap. Fruit flies are attracted to vinegar. Red wine vinegar mixed with a bit of dish soap and water makes a great trap for fruit flies. The soap traps them. Having a small opening is even better (ex: using bottles instead of bowls or jars)
    • Fruit flies might be coming from the drain of your kitchen sink. Pour boiling water down the drain. Then fill your sink with boiling water and leave it overnight.
    • Put fruit in a small brown paper bag to ripen it without attracting fruit flies.

    This product has also worked for us!

    Real Simple Tips – 6 Foods You Should Never Store on the Counter

    • Eggs from a grocery store
    • Potatoes (avoid placing in sunlight on the counter)
    • Onions (avoid placing in sunlight on the counter)
    • Cucumbers
    • Peaches, bananas, avocados (put ripened produce in fridge to extend shelf life)
    • Pre-cut produce

    Life Kit – How tech experts recommend organizing your photos

    • Commit to starting in the first place.
    • Whittle down the rubbish. Remove images you don’t need anymore (receipts, screenshots, duplicates, etc.)
    • Keep a regular photo maintenance routine. Do monthly organization.
    • Organize photos by date and do the tedious work of tagging to search and sort going forward. Add key words – vacation, friends, food, pet, etc.
    • Lean into machine learning and search functions to fill the gaps in your organization.
    • Back up, back up, back up. You should have three copies on two different medias and one off-site. A cloud service counts as off-site (Google Photos, Amazon Prime backup, ICloud, BackBlaze). Also have photos on your computer and a hard drive.
    • Share the photos. Make slideshows occasionally and share them with others.

    NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – Why Experts Criticize “No Tax on Tips” and What It Means for Your Wallet

    • 2.5% of the entire workforce in the United States are tipped workers.
    • Most states have a minimum wage above the federal minimum wage of $7.25 per hour. 36 states still have minimum wages for tipped workers below the federal minimum wage.
    • Cash tips are often unreported. Credit card tips are reported.
    • Former President Trump, Kamala Harris, and President Biden have endorsed the “no tax on tips” idea.

    Currently, tax tips are supposed to be reported but often go unreported, so this proposed policy wouldn’t change anything for many tipped employees. However, personally, it can be hard to accept that people in non-tipped positions are taxed on all income, whereas some tipped employees do not report cash tips and can therefore bring home more income than those in non-tipped positions.

    Criticisms by tax experts:

    Tax advantage would only go to a sliver of the already small, tipped worker population because 1/3 of the workers don’t earn enough to owe federal income taxes anyway

    By not taxing tips, employees lose access to other taxed benefits – payroll tax to fund Social Security and Medicare – Earned Income Tax Credit and Childcare Tax Credit

    Could fuel resentment among other workers and consumers. Tipping backlash/tipping fatigue – unfair – may tip less than they already do as a result.

    Other proposed solutions: eliminating the sub-minimum wage and raising the minimum wage and expanding income supports (Child Tax Credit, Earned Tax Credit, and Medicaid)

    I enjoyed this post from Seth’s Blog this week:

    The steep part of the mountain

    “The steep part of the mountain

    The end of the trail is usually difficult, but without the long and winding approach, there isn’t much of a mountain.

    The greatest hits reel and the stunning photographs leave out most of the hard work.

    There’s a lot to be said for showing up, one foot in front of the other. In fact, those are the only people who make it to the steep part in the first place.”

    I can definitely relate to this. While I was away, my husband and I went hiking at Sequoia, Kings Canyon, and Yosemite National Parks. We went on strenuous hikes, and at times, I thought I didn’t have it in me to make it to the top. However, turning around and going back seemed like more of a challenge because we had a different (easier) route planned on the way back (once we reached the top). In my photos, I appear happy and content. What you don’t see are the many challenges and doubts I encountered to make it there. Sample photo:

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • July 2024 Reads

    I read three books in July 2024 – the fewest I have read in years. School kept me very occupied in July. Here is a brief synopsis of the three books I read in July, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.

    “A Thousand Naked Strangers: A Paramedic’s Wild Ride to the Edge and Back” was written by Kevin Hazzard, who worked as a paramedic from 2004-2013. This book was fascinating and, as one reviewer put it, “gives us a deep, intimate portrait of the toll it takes to every day witness our most vulnerable moments.” Here are a handful of anecdotes that stood out to me:

    In some areas, the education of an EMT – one of two people sent to save your life should the worst happen – is an eight-month certificate program. Medics/paramedics undergo an additional 18 months of training.

    Memorable quotes:

    “Anyone i need of extra cash, who’s been fired, or who is fresh out of jail or rehab can walk through First Med’s squeaky front door and find a spot on an ambulance.”

    “This uniform conveys knowledge . . . the feeling is electric, being an insider, knowing that should anything happen, I’ll be the one called out to fix it.” “Medics don’t have to be heroic or tough or even good people. They simply have to enjoy the madness. Aside from a driver’s license and a high school diploma, that’s what this job takes.”

    Sometimes the author felt like a Peeping Tom. “I want to explain that I’m here to have fun, to watch. A tourist . . . All of this is real. Except me. I’ve been sleepwalking through someone else’s life.”

    “There will always be another dead body, another fetid roach-infested house. We will never escape the smells, the fluids, the unwashable ick of people deep in the throes of a communicable disease.” “I’ve slipped a hand under her head to check for head shots when her eyes pop open. I let go. Her eyes close. I press again. Her eyes open. There’s a firefighter riding with us, and we look at each other as it becomes clear: my finger has slipped through a bullet hole and into her skull, and whatever I’m poking in there is making her eyes open and close.“

    4 out of 5 stars

    “What’s Eating Us: Women, Food, and the Epidemic of Body Anxiety” was written by Cole Kazdin, a writer, performer, and four-time Emmy Award-winning television journalist. This was an educational, informative book that contained personal stories. Kirkus Reviews sums it up perfectly: “As much a personal story as an examination of body anxiety. Kazdin’s painful honesty is leavened with humor and irony.” I learned so much from this book and highly recommend it to anyone who may be struggling with their body image or may be dieting. I will post about this book in greater detail sometime, but for now, here are a handful of tidbits:

    • Thinking of foods as good or bad triggers eating disorders and disordered eating. An important part of developing a healthy relationship with food involves not demonizing or 100% eliminating any one food. Dieting is the most important predictor of developing an eating disorder. Nearly 30 million people in the United States suffer from eating disorders.
    • Failure is the business model for the weight loss industry, and companies rely on repeat customers who return after gaining back lost weight. The only way they can have repeat customers is if their product doesn’t work.
    • Most standard eating disorder treatments are behavioral therapy-based, focusing on changing behaviors rather than what underlies those behaviors. Chances are high that the root of the disorder will never be explored – thoughts and emotions linger long after treatment is over.
    • Author’s recommended questionnaire: Am I bingeing, making myself throw up, or using diuretics, including but not limited to any product with the word “detox” in the title? Am I restricting my food intake or eliminating a food in order to lose weight? Am I on any type of diet (Keto, Paleo, Weight Watchers, etc.)? Does exercise or food restriction dominate my life?
    • Various definitions of recovery: no more harmful behaviors, no dieting or wanting to go on a diet, a healthy relationship with movement, not being obsessed with food or your body, not thinking your body is something to fix or change

    4 out of 5 stars

    “The Courage of Compassion: A Journey from Judgment to Connection” was written by Robin Steinberg, founder of the Bail Project. Robin spent thirty-five years as a public defender. I read this book to learn more about other perspectives – “the other side.” This book was intriguing and helpful, and some of the stories within it were shocking. Here are several takeaways:

    “What if your entire life were defined by the worst thing you ever did? And if we don’t want that for ourselves, then how can we do that to others?” We are all the products of a context and so much more than the sum of our mistakes. Compassion means to suffer together with another. Compassion begins when we accept that we are more than our own worst moment. It is an important lesson you understand when you love individuals who are deeply flawed or when you yourself have been judged on the basis of a single act.

    • According to the book, nearly 2/3 of people in jail on any given night are not even serving sentences. They are behind bars awaiting trial, mainly because they cannot afford cash bail. Further, according to the book, “the overwhelming majority of Americans who are booked into jails every year are dealing with issues of drug addiction, mental illness, and crushing poverty. We cannot incarcerate our way out of these social ills.”
    • “Years as a public defender had taught me that people don’t wake up one day and decide to commit horrendous violence. There is always a context, a history, experiences that pave the path to doing the unthinkable.”

    “How can you defend ‘those people’?” – author’s response is the fundamental importance of the right to counsel, presumption of innocence, and genuine curiosity about how a person arrived at the present moment and the forces and events that shaped their circumstances. “Before you, there is a person whose entire life, worth, and character are being judged by prosecutors, judges, and society through the myopic lens of a single act. As a public defender, you must push past that paradigm and replace judgment with curiosity.”

    The author believes three traits define most public defenders:

    • You love and have loved deeply flawed individuals, perhaps to your own detriment. We are the sum of our stories and new stories can always be written.
    • You have a healthy dose of mistrust for authority. You believe authority must be earned.
    • You were once probably idealistic about change and ready for the revolution.

    4 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – August 8, 2024 – Olympics fun facts

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. This week I wanted to share some fun facts about the Olympics. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    But Why: A Podcast for Curious Kids – What’s it like to compete in the Olympics?
    • Summer Olympics and Winter Olympics – each one happens every four years, but they are staggered, so we see one every two years. We are in the summer Olympics right now in 2024.
    • There are 32 summer Olympic sports and 8 winter Olympic sports.
    • Silver medals are made out of silver, bronze metals are made out of bronze, and gold medals are made out of silver covered with a thin layer of real gold. They weigh about one pound. Gold medals are worth only $750-$850, but athletes will tell you that it’s not the $ amount that makes them valuable. It’s all of the hard work and achievement that the medals represent.
    • Most countries reward athletes who win Olympic medals. The U.S. Olympic Committee awards $37,500 for Gold medalists, $22,500 for silver, and $15,000 for bronze. Some athletes can make enough money to support themselves just doing their sport by winning big competitions, getting sponsors, or being in advertisements. Most Olympic athletes have other jobs in addition to training for their sport.
    • Paralympics – for those with disabilities. They happen just after the Olympic games and have been going since 1960. Wheelchairs are used for the running portion. Paratriathlon is shorter (in distance) than Olympic triathlon
    • Fastest runner in history: Usain Bolt. 9 Gold medals at Olympics and 11 World Championships
    Finding Mastery – Second Place Heartache: Katie Hoff’s 16-Year Journey to Recover from the Games
    • Katie took 16 years to heal from being an Olympian because she felt that if she didn’t win gold, it wasn’t an achievement. She just realized this year that being an Olympian is “cool” no matter whether you place or not.
    • She spent 16 years disappointed that she came “so close” to winning but didn’t.

    A study published in the 1990s confirmed this phenomenon:

    https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-3514.69.4.603

    Research on counterfactual thinking has shown that people’s emotional responses to events are influenced by their thoughts about “what might have been.” An analysis of the emotional reactions of bronze and silver medalists at the 1992 Summer Olympics – both at the conclusion of their events and on the medal stand – indicated that bronze medalists tend to be happier than silver medalists.

    This is attributed to counterfactual thinking. Bronze medalists think about the possibility that they could have finished without a medal, while silver medalists think about how they missed winning the gold.

    Here are some fun facts from an article from weareteachers.org titled 40 Fascinating and Inspiring Olympics Facts:

    The six colors – blue, yellow, black, green, red, and the white background – were chosen because every nation’s flag contains at least one of them.

    The American swimmer won 28 total medals across 4 Olympics, including 23 gold medals.

    Greece, Australia, France, Great Britain, and Switzerland have sent athletes to every single Summer Games.

    At 11 years old, Chinese skateboarder Zheng Haohao is the youngest athlete at the Paris 2024 Olympics as well as China’s youngest Olympian ever.

    A young girl, smiling while wearing a skateboard helmet adorned with stickers, holds a small Chinese flag. She is dressed in a white athletic top

    This year’s oldest Olympian is 65-year-old Spanish equestrian Jimenez Cobo.

    The first year every country sent a female athlete was 2012.

    Though the first year that an Olympics had women compete in every single sport was 2000 at the Sydney Olympics, it wasn’t until London’s 2012 Games when every participating country also sent a female athlete to compete.

    At London 2012, Ian Millar set a record by becoming the first athlete in any sport, from any nation, to compete in 10 Olympic Games.

    A runner bagged the Olympic gold with bare feet.

    Ethiopian marathon runner Abebe Bikila competed in the 1960 Rome Olympics. He famously won the gold for men’s marathon with his bare feet. The athlete originally bought running shoes in Rome for the race. However, the shoes became uncomfortable when they gave him blisters while training. He ultimately decided to run barefoot which led to his record-breaking win in the Games. In the 1964 Tokyo Olympics, Bikila outdid his personal best and won the gold once again while wearing shoes.

    Self Improvement Daily – Golden Examples of Resilience

    The three women that stepped onto the podium for Women’s Gymnastics All-Around each have their own version of overcoming adversity to make their dreams come true.

    The bronze medal went to American Suni Lee. She’s the defending champion of this event, but she was diagnosed with two rare forms of kidney disease since the last Olympics that nearly caused her to quit the sport entirely. With treatment, support, and commitment, she competed again at this year’s Olympics.

    The silver medal went to the Brazilian Rebecca Andrade. Rebecca grew up in a favela two hours from her gym. Following the 2016 Olympics, she tore her ACL 3 times but still came back in time for the Olympics in 2021. She’s been healthy ever since and has been consistent with her training to become one of the best gymnasts in the world.

    The gold medal went to Simone Biles. She’s known as the greatest gymnast of all time and brings a level of skill and power that the sport has never seen. During the last Olympics, she chose to remove herself from the competition for her own mental health. She faced a lot of criticism for her decision, but she invested in improving her mental health, kept training, and came back to the Olympics again with big expectations and won again.

    The common thread in the story of these 3 stars is how they’ve all overcome their own adversity. They have chosen to persevere through the circumstances and displayed a resilience that is inspiring the world. You have it within you, too! The challenges you’re facing and the obstacles in your way can be overcome with resilience!

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – August 1, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Optimal Living Daily – How to Find Meaning in Life: 7 Steps to a More Fulfilling Existence
    • Define what it is that you want in life. What are your goals and aspirations? What brings you happiness and fulfillment? Be clear about what you want.
    • Connect with others and build meaningful relationships. When you have close relationships with other people, they can provide a sense of connection and purpose. Get involved in activities that bring you together with other people, such as clubs, groups, or social events.
    • Find your passion and do what you love every day. What are you interested in and what do you love doing? When you’re passionate about something, it brings a sense of joy and excitement into your life. You’ll be more motivated to pursue these interests, and you’ll feel more fulfilled when you’re doing them. Explore different activities and interests and see which ones make you feel the most alive.
    • Serve others and make a difference in the world. Helping others can give your life purpose and meaning. You’ll feel more connected to something larger than yourself, and you’ll have a sense of satisfaction from knowing that you’re making a positive impact in the world.
    • Live in the present moment and appreciate the here and now. When you’re constantly living in the past or future, you miss out on all the beauty that exists in the present.
    • Be accepting of change and understand that things will not always go according to plan. When you’re constantly expecting things to stay the same, it can lead to disappointment and frustration. When you accept change and understand that it’s a normal part of life, you’ll be more prepared for when things don’t go as expected.
    • Be your most authentic self. When you’re being genuine and true to yourself, it helps you connect more with others and build meaningful relationships. It allows you to live a more fulfilling life since you’re not pretending to be someone that you’re not.
    The Jordan Harbinger Show – Sovereign Citizens – Skeptical Sunday
    • Sovereign citizens are people who don’t acknowledge the legitimacy of the United States government – don’t pay taxes, don’t have IDs, don’t register their cars, or acknowledge zip codes
    • They don’t believe the police or the courts have jurisdiction over them. They are not subject to the laws of the United States of America.
    • They represent themselves in legal matters and use pseudo legalese.
    • The roots of the movement grew out of White Nationalism. The modern sovereign citizen movement has an African American branch, the Moorish Sovereign Citizens.
    • Some sovereign citizens believe there are two classes of citizens within the United States: sovereign (original) citizens and federal (U.S.) citizens. Sovereign citizens have all of the rights of the Constitution but federal citizens don’t. Federal citizens voluntarily surrendered their freedom in exchange for benefits from the U.S. Government. Sovereign citizens renounce federal citizenship and reclaim the rights as common law citizens.
    • Sovereign citizen arguments have no basis in law and have never been successful in court.
    • Sovereign citizens believe that you are not the person on your birth certificate. The birth certificate is its own entity. A birth certificate is ALL CAPS, a separate entity. They insist that the corporation that is the U.S. Government uses citizens as collateral to the Federal Reserve.
    • Sovereign citizens believe that as long as they don’t travel for commerce or cross state lines, they don’t need a license or registration. They will paint private use on their vehicles and issue themselves license plates.
    • Gurus sell sovereign citizen ideology. They appeal to desperate people, such as people in foreclosure or debt.
    • Gurus sell diplomatic immunity cards. If they create their own country and issue themselves cards that say diplomatic immunity, they believe they will have diplomatic immunity. Gurus also sell how-to books and membership cards. They are really just selling hope.
    • They believe that not only are you out of debt because your birth certificate is the one who owes the debt, not you, but that there is a bunch of money waiting for you somewhere. The corporations masquerading as our country owe you money.
    • Straw man account is the bank account attached to the corporate entity on your birth certificate (ALL CAPS) and this bank account is overflowing with cash – known as redemption. According to the sovereigns, the government set up secret bank accounts in our birth certificate names. They believe that with the magic words and forms, you can access it.
    • In 2016, the IRS discovered a sovereign citizen straw man scheme but only after issuing more than $43 million to sneaky sovereigns.
    • Bond process – by submitting the right set of papers, sovereign citizens believe they can wipe out their mortgage, tax bills, and student loans. Many people find themselves in the sovereign citizen movement through financial desperation.
    • There are between 200,000-300,000 people who consider themselves sovereign citizens.
    • The courts often reject sovereign citizen arguments without much explanation. No sovereign citizen has ever successfully argued their points in a court of law.
    The Personal Finance Podcast – How Much Should You Spend on a Family Vacation?

    This episode really surprised me. It suggested that people should aim to spend 5-10% of their net income on vacations (without going into debt). I definitely spend much less than that and instead have prioritized saving for retirement and short-term needs. I am curious to hear your thoughts about this!

    • You should never go into debt for a vacation.
    • Know your NET monthly income and monthly expenses. Know how much debt you have.
    • Have your emergency fund fully funded. 3-6 months of expenses
    • Be on track to hit your retirement goals. Investing your dollars is the only way to prepare for retirement.
    • Look at your short-term goals. Prioritize those goals.
    • Calculate your disposable income. Determine if there are any savings earmarked for vacation. Put savings in a high-yield savings account.
    • Automate savings using discretionary income – example: 5-10%
    • Once you build wealth, you may be able to spend 20-30% of your income on vacations.
    • By income:
      • $40k: 5% of net income – $2k per year on vacations/ 10%: $4k per year on vacations (will need to travel hack)
      • $60k net: 5%: $3k per year on vacations/ 10%: $6k per year on vacations (travel hack or side hustle)
      • $80k net: 5%: $4k per year/ 10%: $8k per year on vacations
      • $100k net: 5%: $5k per year/ 10%: $10k per year on vacations
    • Look for ways to increase your salary, get a side hustle, or learn to travel hack.

    This post from Gabe the Bass Player stood out to me this week:

    https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/chances-to-connect


    Chances To Connect

    July 31, 2024

    “If you are looking for chances to connect you will find them all over the place.

    You’ll probably have to go first. It might be a little weird. It will be scary. You might not get the response you’re hoping for. You might over share. You might ask the wrong question. Your effort might not get reciprocated.

    But it beats the alternative…

    If you’re not looking for chances to connect, the depth of your relationships and your relational maturity are at the mercy of others’ initiative…and your indifference.“

    This was a great post from Seth’s Blog this week:

    “It seems…”

    “It seems…”

    “What a simple verb. A five-letter modifier that opens the door to discussion.

    If we state something as a fact, we’re asking for an argument.

    But seems opens the door to learning and discussion.

    What are you seeing that I’m not seeing?”

    Often times we fail to see or consider other perspectives. We state something as fact, argue with others, and put the blame on others. We tell ourselves stories and accept them as truth. We forget that our feelings and thoughts are not facts. One phrase I’ve learned in therapy is “The story I tell myself is…” This phrase has been really helpful. Rather than put blame on others, verbally attack others, or believe my thoughts are truth, I put my thoughts out there with that phrase – and I have noticed that sometimes my perspective was wrong. I assumed incorrect intentions, didn’t have all of the context, etc. What story are you telling yourself?

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – July 25, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 10 Mental Health Improvement Strategies Therapists Prescribe Their Patients
    • Act contrary to how you feel. Explore the behaviors that reinforce that emotional state and act the opposite. Ex: depression may want you to stay in bed all day, but getting up and moving is the best thing. Change your behaviors first, and the feelings will often follow.
    • Challenge your negative thoughts. Intense emotions cause irrational thoughts. Challenge your thoughts and prove that you can do something. Prove that your thoughts aren’t always accurate.
    • Add structure to your day. Be intentional about building in healthy tasks and having structure outside of work, but also allow room for flexibility.
    • Schedule fun, meaningful things to do. Having something to look forward to is really good for your mental health. Schedule one fun or meaningful thing each week.
    • Spend time in nature. Nature has incredible benefits for our mental health; it reduces anxiety, improves concentration, reduces depression, and helps us feel happier overall.
    • Get physical activity. Exercise reduces stress and anxiety and improves self-esteem. Find an activity that you enjoy so that you can stick to it.
    • Find a way to relax. Watching tv and scrolling on your phone stimulates your brain, so aim for ways to relax your brain. If you invest time into caring for your mental health now, you will feel better and perform better later.
    • Work on something that you’ve been putting off. The more you put something off, the more you dread doing it and the worse you feel.
    • Take care of your body. Eat a healthy diet and get adequate sleep.
    • Get social support. The people you spend time with might be the biggest factor that determines how mentally healthy you are. Having positive people in your life reduces the symptoms of mental illness. Remove yourself from toxic relationships.
    Sad to Savage – Little Things to Help You Get Out Of A Rut
    • Do a check in and figure out why you’re in a rut. Is your schedule day-to-day not fun? Are you not sleeping enough? Are you nourishing your body with food and water? What are you spending your time doing? Is that keeping you stuck? Are those things helping you or hurting you? What do you need to change?
    • Pick out a goal right now to work towards. Ex: train for a 5k, make a healthy meal 3x/week, build a new habit
    • If you’re someone who really likes to talk on the phone, talk on the phone when you’re outside on a walk. You could start making plans with friends on the weekend to go on a walk. Look up gyms in your area and go to the cheapest one. Go on a treadmill and find a show you will only watch while walking on the treadmill.
    • Redesign a space in your home. Change around the furniture.
    • Find a book to read. Find a book about something you want to learn more about.
    • Know that you are allowed to change your mind and your habits whenever you want. You can become whoever you want to become.
    • Try a new hobby.  Take a class.
    • Pay attention to the people you have in your life, the environments you have, the music you listen to, the content you consume, the people you follow … all of those things can contribute to you feeling like you are in a rut.
    • Make a list of things that make you feel happy that you can turn to when you’re feeling down. Ex: family time, running, going outside, reading, etc.
    Chasing Life – Does Money Buy Happiness?
    • Money CAN buy happiness. Buy experiences (trip, dinner with friends, etc.). Experiences bring more happiness than material possessions. Make spending feel like a treat – hedonic adaptation.
    • Think about how your choices about money impact how you use your time. If it doesn’t have any bearing on how you spend your time, you can probably let go of spending money on that for now.
    • Buying time – if you can, buy your way out of something you dread doing. Ex: mowing lawn, cleaning house, grocery shopping, etc.
    • Another fact mentioned is that people who donate to causes/charities through recurring charges aren’t nearly as happy as people who get involved in person and directly see the impact of their monetary donations.
    Self Improvement Daily – “You can have it your way.”

    Burger King’s motto “Have it your way” is a welcome reminder that each one of us matters and deserves to be cared for. We don’t need to settle for how things are; we can create a new reality for ourselves.

    We can pursue our ambitions with pride. We can change our future if we have the courage to do so. Being selfish in investing in yourself can be one of the most selfless things you can do because it can great the greatest impact on others.

    If you’re overstretched at work and compromising your own health, that’s not having it your way. When we enforce better boundaries about our work hours, we can have more time to fulfill ourselves in other ways.

    If you don’t have as much time for the things and people you love, or the energy to do anything at the end of a long day, that’s not having it your way. When we say no to others, we say yes to ourselves.

    Reordering priorities and making a commitment will start to shape your life your way. Balance your personal life, care, and passions in a way that you feel good about by figuring out how it all fits together.

    This post from Seth’s blog really resonated with me:

    The two bicycle errors

    The two bicycle errors

    “Momentum activities like public speaking, board sports and leadership all share an attribute with riding a bicycle: It gets easier when you get good at it.

    The first error we often make is believing that someone (even us) will never be good at riding a bike, because riding a bike is so difficult. When we’re not good at it, it’s obvious to everyone.

    The second error is coming to the conclusion that people who are good at it are talented, born with the ability to do it. They’re not, they have simply earned a skill that translates into momentum.

    There’s a difference between, “This person is a terrible public speaker,” and “this person will never be good at public speaking.”

    And there’s a difference between, “They are a great leader,” and “they were born to lead.”

    The thing about momentum activities is that we notice them only twice: when people are terrible at them, and when they’re good at it. That includes the person you see in the mirror.”

    My reflection: we only notice when someone is really good or really bad at something. We don’t see the “average” and we often don’t see the process that it took to get to “good.”

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – July 11, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Real Simple Tips – Here are 6 Home Upgrades That Are a Waster of Money
    • These features won’t add much value to your home according to real estate agents:
    • Swimming pools – come with a lot of upkeep – can put off potential buyers who aren’t keen on the additional responsibility – also increases price of homeowners insurance
    • Extensive landscaping with exotic plants – can turn off future buyers – need a lot of care
    • Garage conversions – converting a garage into a living space can reduce overall functionality. Instead, find a way to make a room more versatile.
    • Motorized blinds – wildly expensive and don’t give any added design ambiance compared to regular blinds and shades
    • Sink moved to center island – mistake to move the kitchen sink to the island – people want an island free from the clutter of dishes and drying racks
    • Smart home technology systems – convenient, but will likely become obsolete quickly and will need to be updated or replaced
    Life Kit – Staying safe in extreme heat
    • Millions of people are experiencing what the National Weather Service is calling the first major heat wave of the summer. The local heat index could reach 105 degrees in some places.
    • When we are exposed to heat, our body has ways to dissipate it and keep us cool, but when we are exposed to certain environments and certain temperatures, sometimes our body just can’t keep up.
    • Keep your body as cool as possible. Stay hydrated with water, avoid alcohol during extreme temperatures, and wear loose-fitting clothing to help lower your body temperature.
    • When dealing with extreme heat, it’s important to find the coolest place possible to be in if you need to be outside. If you are inside, use the air conditioning or go to the coolest place in your house.
    • Stay informed with the heat index. Check weather updates and try to be proactive in protecting yourself against the heat.
    • Know when to seek medical help – heat exhaustion and heat stroke. Symptoms of heat exhaustion can be broad and different for everyone: feeling weak, dizzy, nauseous, vomiting, excessive sweating. With heat stroke, you’re red, hot, and dry and you aren’t able to sweat. Heat stroke is a medical emergency.
    The Mel Robbins Podcast – 13 Things I Wish I Knew in My 20s
    • The idea that the 20s are the time of your life is bull. It might be one of the hardest decades of your life, so give yourself more grace. You will figure it out.
    • Stop spending your money on stupid stuff. You need to take control of your addiction to buying things. Spending money that you do not have on the things you do not need does not give you power; it makes you feel powerless. Keeping up with the ever-changing trends is not serving you and your happiness.
    • You have so much time. You have plenty of time to figure out your life, your career, your love life, your friend group, etc. Social media is warping your perception about what it takes to be successful. Don’t be triggered by other people’s timelines. Trust the timeline of your life.
    • Date the person, not their potential. Be in a relationship with the person they are right now, not the person you wish they were.
    • It’s not fair. Don’t let yourself play the victim. You can’t change what’s happening around you, and the sooner you accept that, the freer you will feel.
    • Define your career wins not but the quantity of your paycheck but by the quality of your circle. Focus your time and energy on making meaningful connections. People will get you further in your career than any single paying job on your resume ever will. Your connections matter.
    • Be kind. Go above and beyond to make other people feel appreciated and seen.
    • You don’t get to want something if you don’t ask for it.
    • A rock-solid morning routine is the fastest way to take control of your life. You need structure to your day, and how you set the day up is how it ends up. Core 5 practices from Mel: get up when the alarm rings, get outside and get five minutes of sunlight, take a walk without listening to music or a podcast, drink a glass of water, and have some kind of mindfulness practice such as journaling
    • Get serious about who you are hanging out with. What are their habits? Are the five people you are spending the most time driven? Do they have goals? How do they treat you? How do they make you feel? Can you actually open up and be yourself with them? Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you.
    • Be your own person. Stop pretending to like things that you don’t. Live authentically. Learn to make your own choices. The fastest way to figure out what you like and who you are as a person is by doing things by yourself because then you don’t have the pressure of managing the person with you and whether or not they like the thing that you are doing. Explore your interests alone.
    • You are not in competition with anyone. Success, happiness, and friendship are in a limitless supply.
    • Take the biggest risks of your life right now. You have time.

    I really enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

    https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/charging-for-the-chapel

    Charging For The Chapel

    July 9, 2024

    Would Michelangelo have painted the Sistine Chapel if he hadn’t been commissioned by the church, being paid along the way?

    Probably not.

    It’s ok for you to charge (lots of) money for the thing you’re good at too.

    The paradox of lessons

    This post from Seth’s blog emphasized the power of learning:

    “The paradox of lessons

    The people most likely to sign up for coaching or additional learning are the folks who are already good at their craft.

    “I’m terrible at this,” can lead to, “and I don’t want to be reminded of it.” Or perhaps, “I don’t want to waste their time,” or, “I’m never going to get better.”

    When it’s possible to get better, embracing mediocrity isn’t a useful strategy.

    I’d rather have a surgeon who regularly attends trainings, wouldn’t you?

    Read a book, find a coach, organize a group. If you’re serious about getting better, you’ll improve.

    Learning creates more competence but first, it amplifies our feelings of incompetence.”

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • June 2024 Reads

    I read five books in June 2024. Here is a brief synopsis of the four books I read in June 2024, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.

    “Vagina Problems: Endometriosis, Painful Sex, and Other Taboo Topics” by Lara Parker was educational and emotional. Lara is the writer and deputy editorial director at Buzzfeed, and she covered what it’s like to live with endometriosis, vaginismus, vulvodynia, vulvar vestibulitis syndrome, pelvic floor dysfunction, etc. There were a lot of tidbits in this book. Here are a few take-aways that I am not uncomfortable sharing:

    • Endometriosis is, statistically speaking, as prevalent as diabetes in America. Endo is not easy to get a diagnosis for, as it requires laparoscopic surgery. Also, doctors often don’t take women’s pain seriously. Endometriosis is more than just a bad period; some other symptoms include abdominal swelling, trouble digesting, exhaustion, and painful sex. It is physically and mentally painful and there is no cure.
    • “Berating myself, blaming myself, and denying myself things simply because I felt as if all this pain was my fault has never made me feel any better.”
    • Author’s quotes on painful sex: “You can have sex and be intimate in different ways and none of those ways determine your worth in any relationship.” “The thing that ultimately helped me the most was reframing the way I thought about sex in general.”

    I recommend this book to anyone who has endometriosis and/or other “vagina problems.”

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Stop Overthinking” was written by Nick Trenton and contained detailed and proven techniques to rewire your brain, control your thoughts, and change your mental habits. This book was helpful, but the author could have expanded on some strategies. I will post in more detail about this book in a future post. Here are some lessons:

    Overthinking is when you excessively analyze, evaluate, ruminate, and worry about certain things to a point where it starts affecting your mental health because you simply can’t stop. The emotion behind much overthinking is fear – fear of being out of control, of being overwhelmed, of failure, of impending danger, etc.

    4 A’s of stress management:

    • avoid – say no to stress that is unnecessary and harmful – situations and people that demand too much of us
    • alter – ask others to change their behavior – negotiate
    • accept – validate your emotions and practice forgiveness – change the way you frame events
    • adapt – make lasting changes to your worldview, goals, perception, and expectations – change yourself to better cope with life

    Ask yourself: Is what you’re doing problem solving or rumination? If you’re ruminating, direct your attention to a single small action. If you’re going to spend all the energy thinking about the problem, at least put it to good use and find a way to improve things. If you can’t improve anything, then put your energy into distraction, forgiveness, or moving on.

    This book covered several techniques! I recommend this book to anyone who is an overthinker.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I’d Known Earlier” was written by Kevin Kelly. On his 68th birthday, Kevin began to write down for his young adult children some things he had learned that he wished he had known earlier. He had more to say than he thought, and he kept adding advice over the years, compiling his life’s wisdom into these pages. This book was a GEM of knowledge and advice!

    When you keep people waiting, they begin to think of all your flaws.

    Nothing elevates a person higher than taking responsibility for their mistakes. If you mess up, fess up. It’s astounding how powerful this ownership is. This has been so true in my experiences!

    You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.

    Every person you meet knows an amazing lot about something you know virtually nothing about. It won’t be obvious, and your job is to discover what it is.

    How to apologize: quickly, specifically, and sincerely. Don’t ruin an apology with an excuse.

    I highly recommend this book to everyone! I will post more about it on a later date!

    5 out of 5 stars

    “One Decision Away: Key Principles to Create What You Want in Life and Work” was written by Paula Melo Doroff. This book was inspiring. Paula ran away at 15, arrived in the U.S. at 25, divorced 3 times, grew up in poverty, was raised by an illiterate grandmother, and only had a middle school education; this book affirms that your success doesn’t always come down to your family, your lucky breaks, or your wealth. Here are some main points:

    You are just one decision away from completely altering the trajectory of your life. You can stay safe in your comfort zone and keep dreaming, or you can take the courageous step onto the path that will lead you to growth and take responsibility for what you truly want for your life.

    • To create the life you want, you need crystal clear dreams, realistic goals, and detailed plans to achieve those goals. Reflect: what is the one goal that would have the greatest impact on your life? Why is that goal important? What will you lose if you don’t follow the plan? What will you gain? What one action can you take today to move a step closer to your goal?
    • Sometimes we hold ourselves back in life because we don’t honor our dreams with goals to match. Sometimes, though, we might have a dream holding us back because the dream has outlived its purpose. Ex: a goal could still be permissible but not beneficial. Although you may feel betrayed by letting go of dreams, by releasing the dreams that no longer serve you, there is more space in your heart and mind for new possibilities. Don’t get stuck trying to fulfill a vision you’ve long outgrown.

    I recommend this book for anyone wanting to learn about and reflect on creating the life they desire.

    4 out of 5 stars

    The fifth and final book I read in June was “In the Form of a Question: The Joys and Rewards of a Curious Life” written by Amy Schneider, the most successful woman ever to compete on Jeopardy! Amy walked away with $1.3 million on a 40-game winning streak, although she says she won an even greater prize: the joy of being herself on national television and leading the way for openly queer and transgender people around the world. Here are my thoughts about this book:

    • There were so many footnotes, and many of them were more like commentary than actual text. I think the footnotes could have been cut out or included in the actual text.
    • This book was not what I expected. I wanted to know more about her Jeopardy experience. Although I got a few gems of wisdom, this book mostly focused on Amy’s trans experiences (before and after the transition) and differing views than my own – ranging from condoning recreational drug use, polyamory, casual sex, criticisms of religion, and the promotion of tarot cards.

    Two pieces of wisdom:

    “The real answer to “How did you get so smart?” is simply this: I wanted to. And if you want to, you can do it, too. If you have the desire, not just to know but to understand, then you will grow more and more powerful every day, and nobody will be able to stop you.”

    “Theater brings together people who, offstage, would find each other intolerable, and offers them each what they need. For the shy, it offers escape, concealment, and safety. For the confident, it offers attention, freedom, and validation. In theater, not only can you do the very things you fear the most, but you can do them with the very people who make you fear it.”

    If you want to learn more about Amy’s intelligence and Jeopardy! journey, you won’t find much of that in this book. If you want to read more about Amy’s life and often controversial views, this book may be for you.

    3 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – June 27, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Optimal Relationships Daily – When Your Expectations of Others is Making You Frustrated
    • Our expectations of others often cause our own struggles and frustrations. The frustrations with others are caused by our own expectations. We want people to behave differently than they do, and we get frustrated when they don’t act the way we want them to.
    • Without the expectations, we could be happy and at peace. We could see the good in others instead of only how they fall short of our expectations.
    • Think of the expectations you have of others as an imaginary bubble you’ve created and pop the bubble! Without the bubble, you are free of expectations! What is the other person like without your expectations of them?
    • Practice compassion for others. They are probably reacting in a habitual way from fear and pain.
    • Don’t take anything personally. Whatever the person does is about them.

    I came across this poem this week and it resonated with me.

    Let Them Poem By Cassie Phillips
    “Let Them” by Cassie Phillips

    “Just Let Them.
    If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.
    If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.
    If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.
    If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.

    If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.
    If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.
    If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.
    If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.

    If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM.

    Let them lose you. You were never theirs, because you were always your own.
    So let them.
    Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.
    Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.
    Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life.
    Let them earn your forgiveness.
    Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.
    Let them take you out on a Thursday.
    Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to.

    Let them have a safe place in you.

    Let them see the heart in you that didn’t harden.

    Let them love you.”

    You have to accept yourself just as you are without having to make changes for others. If you feel that you have to change to maintain a relationship, and if that change is always one-sided, that relationship may need to be given consideration.

    You deserve to be valued and to feel valued. You are the only one who has control of you unless you give that control away to someone else. Have a big conversation with yourself about where those boundaries need to be. Self-care involves putting yourself and your considerations at the top of the pile. If others aren’t doing it, you must do it.

    On Purpose with Jay Shetty – If You’ve Been Feeling Drained…Listen To This
    • Studies show that we have 60,000-80,000 thoughts per day and 80% of those are negative or repetitive.
    • Principle 1: Accept and action – acceptance followed up by an action. Ex: I’m really drained, and so… I’ll go to bed early tonight. I’m really drained, and so… I’ll cancel going to that event this weekend.
    • Stop ignoring your repetitive thoughts, feelings, and emotions. They are repeating for a reason. They want you to pay attention.
    • Principle 2: You don’t always have to be at 100% energy. Be able to say to yourself and to others why you aren’t at 100% and be able to communicate your challenges. When can you be at 50% energy, and what does it look like in communicating that? How can you give your best tasks your best energy? Time block.
    • Principle 3: It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to cancel social events or to decline. Burnout, exhaustion, and feeling drained are not worth anything.
    • Principle 4: Stress is when you are demanding too much of your body and mind. Be strategic with your time. Ask yourself whether it is necessary to take something on right now. Which of your meetings can be solved with an e-mail?
    • Principle 5: Have a reset day, hour, or half-day. Make it a perfect day. Carve out time that’s fully under your control.
    • Principle 6: Be kind to yourself. When you are feeling drained, ask yourself how you can be kinder to yourself. The voice in our head is often criticizing ourselves about how we can be and do better. If we are stressing ourselves, we are draining ourselves from within. If you were kinder to yourself, what do you believe you would achieve?
    • Principle 7: Allow yourself to vent and let it out. When you talk about stress with the right people, it makes you feel lighter. Let that stress out. Distance yourself from the stressor if you can.
    • Principle 8: Get restful sleep. So often we are trying to solve something in our mind when we need to solve it in our body. If you’re struggling with your body, figure out what you can change in your mind. Sleep, diet, exercise, hydration, and stress management are all important in managing burnout.
    • Principle 9: Wash your mind the night before. What do you want to leave behind today? What are you going to wash away today? Wash your mind the night before and leave the draining behind.

    I really liked this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

    https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/running-its-course

    Running Its Course

    June 25, 2024

    Things don’t run their course. The band, the relationship, the project.

    We simply decide to stop putting the necessary energy into it to keep them going.

    Things don’t have an inherent course of their own. And things don’t have an opinion or get tired or burnt out or lazy or lose interest or get a new dream or desire.

    People do.

    So when the thing is over let’s be honest about why it’s over. It isn’t the thing’s or the course’s decision.

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – June 20, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Life Kit – Why we become bored with our lives (and how to find joy again)
    • If you are feeling stuck, experiment with a break from your daily routine. That could be a vacation or weekend trip, a walk around the block, or a few minutes of internal reflection.
    • Introduce more variety into your life – a new city, a new job, a new haircut, a new hobby or class, etc. Prioritize a variety of experiences over a variety of material possessions.
    • To dishabituate from your environment, change your environment. If you change your environment in a very simple way (work in a different area, go for a walk, etc.), you become more creative. The creativity boosts don’t last long but can be very important for eureka moments and looking at problems with fresh eyes.
    • It can be scary but err on the side of more change rather than less change. Change helps you dishabituate, have more variety in your life, and often makes you happier.
    • After a big change, you may have transition pains. Give yourself time to habituate and see what you’re still unhappy with a few months down the line.
    All the Hacks with Chris Hutchins – Travel Wisdom from the World’s Most Traveled Man (Harry Mitsidis)
    • Harry Mitsidis – world’s most traveled man – one of only three people to have visited every country in the world twice!
    • Harry’s parents are from different countries and Harry realized he had a curiosity to travel.
    • Time, cost, and will are the main parameters to travel.
    • Optimize travels by putting different destinations together to make the most out of your trip.
    • Equatorial Guinea was the hardest country to visit. It is on the west coast of Central Africa. It is a notoriously difficult visa.
    • There is a lot more to countries than the capital or major city. Harry wanted to truly experience the countries by being a slow traveler. Ex: more than just visiting London in England, more than just visiting New York City in the USA

    This point stuck out to me – “more than just visiting London in England, more than just visiting New York City in the USA.” We would all agree that New York City is not representative of the entire United States, yet many of us consider visiting one city “enough” for a state or one city enough for a country!

    • Harry says 7 days is not really enough time to truly experience some of the bigger countries.
    • Benefits of travel: you learn about yourself by putting yourself out of your comfort zone, you learn about your behaviors, increase in optimism with kindness/helpfulness/selflessness experiences, never bored with constant changes

    Harry’s Recommendations:

    • Which country should everyone visit? North Korea – there’s no other country like it. It’s like being on another planet. You can’t have a mobile phone and you aren’t really connected to the outside world. You are surrounded by propaganda.
    • Underappreciated countries that don’t get enough attention: Sweden, Romania, Laos, Tuvalu
    • Harry finds food at his local favorites and tries to chat with the locals.
    • Canada: spend time off the beaten path – Nova Scotia, New Brunswick
    • Argentina – people usually go to Buenos Aires – check out Salta, Cordoba
    • For people who have already traveled, there are a lot of opportunities to go further and to see so much more. It’s just a matter of wanting to.
    • Many people who have gone to a country a second time enjoy their second trip more. They are able to skip all of the main tourist destinations the second time and explore the country more. You can probably understand more about the place than the first time.
    • Disappointments – pre-conceived ideas based on high expectations. Ex: Bhutan – Himalayan paradise. Thought it was too structured and inauthentic the first time around
    • When you are a traveler, you’re not just going to a place to take things from the place. You’re going and you’re going to give things to the place. You represent your country and place of origin. You should be giving good energy, positivity, and as much happiness as possible.
    TED Talks Daily – A second chance for fathers to connect with their kids
    • An estimated 10 million children in the United States see their fathers less than once each month.
    • Research tells us what happens to children without father figures in their lives. Poverty rates double, emotional and behavior health issues increase, high school dropout rates increase, and crime and prison rates increase.
    • The reasons that don’t get talked about enough are shame, guilt, and embarrassment. These emotions can cause so much harm beyond the absence of a father figure.
    • Co-parenting issues, restraining orders, challenges navigating the family court – shame from not being able to see kids, guilt due to absence, embarrassment due to not being able to spend time with kids on a consistent basis
    • Through prior relationships, men learn to love and hate. Relationships that emphasize self-love and life-long relationships that emphasize an individual’s ability to mirror new behavior and connection play an integral role in rehabilitation.
    • Individual and group therapy can help.
    • Think about the people who loved you when you lost your way, who hugged you when you needed it, who assumed best intention, who validated you and embraced you even when you felt undeserving – whoever came to mind, try to be that to someone else.
    • The assumption is that dads who aren’t physically present don’t care about their kids. What was found is that the dads who are absent care for their kids more than people think; they just feel as if their kids are better off without them because they can’t do what society says they need to do for them. Men have an emphasis on providing food, shelter, etc. and many men who can’t provide that feel they must be absent.
    • Men should define what type of father they want to be and try to do that.
    • What works: Tell men they are loved, hug them, call them on birthdays and holidays, make sure they have the verbiage to identify and communicate emotions, make sure they know they aren’t their past mistakes, encourage them to reconnect with kids, etc.
    • A lot of dads who have been absent didn’t have a father in their lives. They feel guilt, shame, and embarrassment and feel their kids would be better off without them. Yet, if you ask them to consider “Were you better off without your father?” they don’t feel they were better off.
    • Kids want to have time with dads, attention, and want to feel their presence.

    I did a legal technology training this week as part of my paralegal certificate program and was amused to learn about digital breadcrumbs – a term I had not heard of!

    What is a breadcrumb example graphic

    Breadcrumbs leave a visual trail of which pages a user has visited. Image source ProfileTree.com

    “Breadcrumb menus display the current page location and hierarchy in relation to higher-level pages on a site through clickable links in sequence like Home > Shop > Electronics > tvs.”

    I wanted to share some things I learned from the book “Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I’d Known Earlier” written by Kevin Kelly. I will post about this book in more depth at a future date, but just wanted to share a handful of lessons this week:

    When you keep people waiting, they begin to think of all your flaws.

    Nothing elevates a person higher than taking responsibility for their mistakes. If you mess up, fess up. It’s astounding how powerful this ownership is. This has been so true in my experiences!

    Every person you meet knows an amazing lot about something you know virtually nothing about. It won’t be obvious, and your job is to discover what it is.

    How to apologize: quickly, specifically, and sincerely. Don’t ruin an apology with an excuse.

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – June 13, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Mary’s Cup of Tea – Feeling Behind in Life? Listen to this
    • If you’ve been validated based on meeting or exceeding expectations, then when you don’t overachieve, you feel the complete opposite and feel like you are failing or falling behind. What if you aren’t falling behind but are where you need to be but you’re so used to being validated by external arbitrary expectations?
    • If you are constantly trying to perform, perfect, achieve, and do, you are disconnecting from the “being.” You’re turning yourself into a human doing rather than a human being.
    • Feeling behind in life is a result of comparison. It’s about comparing yourself to others based on external factors.
    • If you believe the solution to feeling behind is to catch up and get ahead, that is still comparison. That is still basing your worth and feelings of security, confidence, and assurance on some random arbitrary timeline.
    • “If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.”
    • It’s only a success if it’s aligned with your true desires. What some of us view as successful is not what the “achievers” deem successful.
    • When you compare yourself to people who graduated, got jobs, got married, reproduced, bought cars and houses and vacations, not only are you doing a disservice to yourself, but you’re also contributing to the narrative that “success” is measured by external achievements rather than inner fulfillment.
    • Whose ruler are you using to measure your success? Is that aligned with your true desires and values? Who is judging how behind or ahead you are? Is it society or that external validation voice you’ve internalized? Why are you continuing to use that against yourself? We are all paving our own way.

    This podcast really resonated with me because sometimes I have felt “behind” in life. Nine years post-college, I am now pursuing a paralegal certificate, I don’t have kids yet, I haven’t traveled the world, and, although I am proud of many things in my life, my life doesn’t look like what I thought it would at my age. Yet, some people I know have compared themselves to me. It is easy to fall into the comparison trap.

    Optimal Health Daily – The Five F’s That Keep You Stuck in Chronic Pain

    Living with chronic pain, fatigue, or other persistent symptoms can feel like an endless battle, consuming every aspect of your life.

    The Five Fs that keep you stuck in chronic pain and symptoms

    Fear – constantly reacting to the symptoms with fear will intensify your suffering, and the anticipation of discomfort will lead you to avoid certain activities or movements, perpetuating the cycle of pain and anxiety.

    • Confront these fears head-on through education, reassurance, and gradual exposure to previously avoided activities. Challenge irrational beliefs and perceptions.

    Fixing – medical interventions have their place, but often fail to address the underlying emotional and neurological factors contributing to chronic illness.    

    Focus – where you focus your attention matters.

    • Learn to redirect your focus away from pain and toward things that bring you joy.
    • Frustration – living with chronic pain often breeds feelings of frustration, especially when you’re putting in so much time/money/effort to healing.
      • Be patient with yourself and accept where you are on your path to recovery. Embrace the process as a gradual and non-linear journey.
    • Fighting – can exacerbate your suffering. What you resist persists.
      • Surrender to what is and practice acceptance. Acknowledge your pain and allow yourself to experience it fully.
    Life Kit – Fiber has tons of benefits. Here’s how to eat more of it
    • Fiber keeps you regular, lowers cholesterol, helps regulate blood sugar levels, keeps your hunger in check, and is the primary food source for microbes that live in our guts.
    • Microbes play a critical role in influencing health throughout your body. Those microbes are adapted to work with different fibers.
    • Probiotics are foods or supplements that contain live microorganisms that have a proven health benefit (kombucha, yogurt, etc.). Prebiotics are the food or fuel for those good microbes in your gut. All prebiotics are fiber, but not all fibers are prebiotics.
    • Recommended 25-30 grams of fiber per day – 14 grams per 1,000 calories per day
    • Eat the rainbow. Eat a variety of foods rich in fibers – sweet potatoes, avocados, berries, asparagus, artichoke, brown rice, quinoa, beans, lentils, etc.
    • Your best bet is to get fiber from a variety of plant-based foods instead of fiber supplements so that you can also get the vitamins and nutrients from foods. The fiber used in supplements has been highly purified and is a simple structure; these simpler fibers tend to get fermented faster by gut microbes, which means they might not reach all the microbes throughout your gut.

    Tips:

    • Switch out white bread with whole grain bread.
      • Drink lots of water to help the fiber bind.
    • Eat a variety of foods rich in fibers.
    • Take note of which foods cause you to be gassy. Moving after eating can help with this.
    Stuff You Should Know – Short Stuff: Amber Alerts
    • AMBER alert: America’s Missing: Broadcast Emergency Response
    • An amber warning is when a child has gone missing and it ends up being a statewide or nationwide alert. Vehicle info is included – vehicle model and license plate
    • January 1996 – Amber – 9-year-old from Arlington, TX. She was riding a bicycle in her neighborhood and was abducted by a man in a pickup truck. There was a nationwide search for Amber. This was pre-AMBER alert. Three days later, a dogwalker found her body in a creek.
    • Every state has different criteria for issuing AMBER alerts. The Department of Justice has issued guidelines about recommendations: law enforcement has a reasonable belief that a child was abducted, law enforcement believes a child will suffer serious bodily harm or worse, enough detail about the appearance and abduction of the child
    • Enter info in NCIC system – flag as a child abduction – will be a nationwide alert
    • Most missing kids do not meet the criteria of any AMBER alert. If people weren’t abducted and if you don’t know what the kid was wearing, you won’t meet the criteria for an AMBER alert.
    • In 2020, there were 365,000 entries that year in the NCIC system for missing kids and only 200 of them met the criteria for AMBER alerts to be issued.
    • The point is that an AMBER alert is very serious and action is needed fast. People wouldn’t take them seriously if they got notifications on their phone frequently. They would be desensitized.
    • AMBER alerts have contributed to the recovery of 1,186 children in the last seven years!

    For Minnesota: The Amber Plan requires law enforcement to meet two criteria when evaluating a non-familial child abduction. Law enforcement must have both parts of the scenario before an activation can occur:

    1. The AMBER Plan should be activated when a child 17 years of age or younger is abducted and there is reason to believe the victim is in imminent danger of serious bodily injury or death.  AND,
    2. There is information available to disseminate to the public which could assist with the safe recovery of the victim and/or the apprehension of the suspect.

    The Amber Plan is activated by the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension only when the two requirements above are met; as a result, the Amber Plan is not activated for every child abduction. In cases where the Amber Plan criteria are not met, the Minnesota Crime Alert Network may be activated to notify the public and request information on the case.

    Summary of Department of Justice Recommended Criteria

    • There is reasonable belief by law enforcement that an abduction has occurred.
    • The law enforcement agency believes that the child is in imminent danger of serious bodily injury or death.
    • There is enough descriptive information about the victim and the abduction for law enforcement to issue an AMBER Alert to assist in the recovery of the child.
    • The abduction is of a child aged 17 years or younger.
    • The child’s name and other critical data elements, including the Child Abduction flag, have been entered into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) system.

    This post from Gabe the Bass Player resonated with me this week:

    https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/good-enough-to-try-things

    Good Enough To Try Things

    June 7, 2024

    Not ‘good enough to have it all figured out’.

    Not ‘good enough to not make a big mistake.’

    Not ‘good enough to get by’.

    Are you good enough to try things?

    Do you have the faith and guts and confidence to try something in the face of it maybe not working and the ‘mistake’ might make you look less-than to some people…that’s a scary question. And you have to be next level good to pull it off.

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – June 6, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Sad to Savage – How to Create Habits and A Routine With An Inconsistent Schedule
    • Keep a consistent amount of time that you need instead of a consistent time you need to wake up.
    • Pick 1-3 things you want to do in a morning routine and figure out how long it takes to do those tasks. Usually 1 hour – then figure out what time you need to wake up each day
    • Write out your schedule each week.
    • Create at least two morning routines: weekdays vs. weekends. Days you are working vs. days you are off.
    • What would your ideal morning routine be for the days you are working? What would your ideal morning routine look like for the days you are off?
    • Choose a workout you like to do and one that you can do consistently. Build a habit of physical movement on the days that you have off. Build a physical health habit that is realistic and that you can keep consistent.
    • Time consistency helps build your habit – same time every day
    • If you feel like you don’t have time for things, time block. See how much time you are spending on your phone each day instead.
    • Prioritize waking up earlier and doing a morning routine, or work on your routine right away when you get home from work.
    • Grocery shop and meal plan and prep on one of your days off.
    • Nighttime routine- get meals ready for the next day.
    • Focus on having a short routine and long routine. Short routine for nights you work late, are exhausted, and don’t have much time – pick 1-3 things that are crucial for your success the next day (scheduling workout, washing your face, setting out clothes). Long routine for days you aren’t stressed and aren’t getting home late (prepping food for next day, tidying room, reading before bed, washing your face, setting out clothes, etc.)
    Inside Out Money – Progress over Perfection
    • Perfectionism – striving for flawlessness, holding excessively high personal standards, and having overly negative reactions to perceived mistakes and setbacks – can lead to a lot of self-criticism and rumination
    • Root of perfectionism is deficit and lack – whole existence is to prove to other people that we are good enough, we have skills, we matter, and that we are high-functioning.
    • Perfectionism can be linked to imposter syndrome. If you’re trying to project a perfect person all the time to others, you might feel like an imposter.
    • Combat perfectionism
      •  Mindfulness – Be present in the moment and understand the emotions that are going on within you – passing thoughts and passing emotions.
      • Meditation
      • Vulnerability
      • Self-compassion
      • Radical acceptance – we can’t control everything. We need to do the best with what we have.
    • Focus on balance and progress over perfection with finances.
    • Have a growth mindset. See mistakes as learning opportunities. We can always strive to get together while also being kind and compassionate to ourselves and those around us.
    • Tips:
      • Just get started. Don’t put off working on your finances and tracking your net worth and expenses just because you are afraid to see the results.
      • Focus on the things that you need to improve around your finances and set realistic goals. Ex: improving credit score, paying off debt, increasing savings rate
      • Learn from your mistakes. Recognize ahead of time that you will make mistakes and you can get better at this.
      • Set consistent habits and automate things when you can.
      • Avoid perfection paralysis. There is never a perfect time or perfect situation to start doing better. Don’t wait for the right time.
    On Purpose with Jay Shetty – 7 Habits to Be Present
    • Wake up twenty minutes before you have to. If your first thought when you wake up is, “I’m already behind” you are already living in a feeling that you need to catch up with time. Our language and our thoughts set how we feel. That thought will repeat itself for the rest of the day. If you start your day slower mentally and physically, you can maintain that momentum as it speeds up.
    • Connect with yourself. What is the one thing you need to do for yourself today?
    • Calendar – what is the one thing you need to do today to make it a great day?
    • Check in with someone else.  
    • One device at a time: tv, laptop, phone. Your brain processes background noise. Limit your focus to one device at a time. Having a rule is better than not having a boundary.
    • Take thirty seconds when you enter a new room, new space, or a new part of your day to engage your senses. What can you see, hear, touch, smell, and taste?
    • Obey the speed limit. One of the ways we feel the most out of touch is when we are driving. Is shaving off two minutes worth the risks of what you may experience?
    • Be present with your breath. Breathe in for 4 and out for 4 counts. Reconnect with your breath and your body.
    • Prioritize extended periods of silence – increases brain cells, helps you be more focused and productive, helps you relax and slow down
    • Experience nature – gives us a feeling of time abundance, sense of time is slower and more meaningful
    Life Kit – Summer fun on a budget
    • Public parks and beaches
    • Field day with friends – three-legged race, water balloon toss
    • Park programming – events calendar
    • Penny date – explore things without an objective. Take a coin, pick a direction for heads and tails, and flip the coin and see what direction it takes you. Stop when you see something interesting.
    • Go to the farmer’s market.
    • Parades
    • Coloring book and colored pencils
    • Open mic nights/poetry slams
    • Museums  – some museums offer free admission on certain days
    • Recreate a family recipe.
    • Themed hangouts – pick a theme and invite people over
    • House/apartment swap with a friend
    • Go to an open house, even if you aren’t in the market
    • Go to the mall and try on silly outfits
    • Write your future self a letter

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • May 2024 Reads

    I read four books in May 2024. Here is a brief synopsis of the four books I read in May 2024, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.

    “Becoming A Crime Scene Investigator” by Jacqueline Detwiler-George was an interesting overview of crime scene investigation and forensic science. Here are some of the main points covered in this book:

    • This job has many names: crime scene investigator, evidence technician, forensic investigator, crime scene technician, crime scene analyst, and crime scene examiner.
    • The science part of crime scene investigation involves knowing how to collect evidence so that it can be analyzed and deployed in court and knowing what to grab at the scene.
    • Crime scene investigators do not perform all of the functions they are depicted handling on tv. It is different everywhere. Some police/sheriff’s departments have their own crime labs, while others send all evidence to regional or state labs for processing.
    • Crime scene investigators used to be generalists. Now they specialize. Forensic analysts often collect master’s degrees and professional certifications.
    • Most standard crimes can be solved with a combination of photography, DNA evidence, serology, fingerprints, ballistics comparison, drug chemistry, and computer forensics.
      • Less common: blood spatter analysis, trace evidence analysis, forensic anthropology, and questioned documents
    • A background in hard science and forensics can lead a person toward dozens of different exciting careers, such as forensic anthropology, veterinary forensics, mail crime, digital forensics, arson investigation, bomb analysis, medical and mortuary sciences, chemical warfare forensics, etc.

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Know Your Endo” was written by Jessica Murnane and merged the science and research on pain and endometriosis with the real-world experiences of people living with endo. This book also included management practices for endometriosis while also emphasizing that there is no cure. I highly recommend this book to anyone with endometriosis.

    Here are some main takeaways:

    If you’re a person living with endometriosis, caring for yourself needs to be your number-one priority.

    Think about how much your pain and symptoms get in the way of your relationships, your work, and/or giving back to your community. Now think about how much more time you would have to give to them if you felt better.

    • Many people with endo can have inflammation of their appendix, colon, or the lining of their stomach that can cause bloat and swelling.
    • Endo fatigue is one of the hardest symptoms to manage – an intense, deep, and permeating feeling of exhaustion that can be hard to shake, no matter how hard you try.
    • Management practices: self-compassion, meaningful connections, mindfulness, movement, supplements, avoiding inflammatory foods, and prioritizing yourself

    Big inflammatories: processed and packaged foods, dairy, red meat, refined sugars and synthetic sweeteners, fried foods, soda, refined carbs, alcohol, and caffeine. **You are the only one who knows how your body feels when you eat certain foods, and it’s your responsibility to listen to it.**

    4 out of 5 stars

    “The Body Keeps the Score” was an intense read about the effects of trauma and pathways to recovery written by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. This book took me a whopping thirteen days to read – mostly because I found it pretty depressing and wasn’t eager to read it each day. I regularly read about traumatic experiences in the course of my work, and adding this book on top of that was sometimes too much. With that said, I learned SO much from this book and will post more about it at another time. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has experienced trauma. Here are some main lessons that stood out to me:

    In today’s world, your zip code, even more than your genetic code, determines whether you will lead a safe and healthy life. Income, family structure, housing, employment, and educational opportunities affect risk of developing traumatic stress and access to effective help to address it. Poverty, unemployment, inferior schools, social isolation, widespread availability of guns, and substandard housing are all breeding grounds for trauma. Trauma breeds further trauma. Hurt people hurt other people.”

    What has happened cannot be undone. What can be dealt with are the imprints of the trauma on the body, mind, and soul. The challenge of recovery is to reestablish ownership of your body and your mind – finding a way to become calm and focused; learning to maintain that calm in response to images, thoughts, sounds, or physical sensations that remind you of the past; finding a way to be fully alive in the present and engaged with the people around you; and not having to keep secrets from yourself, including secrets about the ways that you have managed to survive.

    “The greatest sources of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves.”

    Treatments explored in this book include medications, sensorimotor psychotherapy and somatic experiencing, cognitive behavioral therapy, virtual reality therapy, acupuncture, massage, yoga, EMDR, writing to yourself, neurofeedback training, theater, self-awareness, and having a good support network.

    Many psychiatrists today resort to doling out pills to relieve pain, anxiety, or depression, which doesn’t address the real issues: What are these patients trying to cope with? What are their internal or external resources? Do they have caring relationships with their bodies? Do they have dynamic interactions with other people? Whom can they count on? Are they members of a community? Do they have a sense of purpose? How can we help them feel in charge of their lives?

    4 out of 5 stars

    “Extreme Measures: Finding A Better Path to the End of Life” was written by Jessica Nutik Zitter, MD, an expert on the medical experience of death and dying who is double-boarded in the two specialties of pulmonary/critical care medicine and palliative care medicine – a rare combination. This book was fascinating, educational, emotional, and empowering. So many points and stories in this book will stick with me and I highly recommend this book to everyone. Here are some main points:

    • Often people die in the ICU on the end-of-life conveyer belt, where issues are treated until the patient dies. People who request treatment rarely understand the realities involved in “doing everything.” In the ICU, very few people have the opportunity to live life all the way through to the end. Too often the tools take life away from the dying.
    • There are certain treatments that Americans have come to see as their rights, whether or not the physician deems them to be beneficial in a particular case: breathing machines, feeding tubes, cardiac resuscitation with electric shocks and chest compressions, and dialysis. Most physicians feel they are powerless to withhold these treatments if the patient/family insists on their use.
    • Ask about the benefits and burdens of treatments, alternatives, and your or your family member’s prognosis.
    • Don’t expect your family to know your wishes or to make difficult decisions in the ICU. Identify what matters to you. What is your conception of a life worth living? Being free of pain? Engaging in relationships? Autonomy? Engaging in work and meaningful tasks? Living in your own home? Not being a physical/emotional/financial burden on your family? The best-laid paths to the end of life have been paved with ongoing reflection and communication. As people approach death, their priorities shift. Tools to convey your wishes include the Advance Directive, DNR order (good only for a particular admission at a particular time), and the POLST (follows you everywhere).

    5 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – May 30, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Optimal Living Daily – 8 Signs You’re A Perfectionist
    • You have the all or nothing mindset. The outcome has to either be perfect or there will be no outcome at all. You are either a success or a failure.
    • You fear failure. You have a fear of putting yourself out there and going out of your comfort because you might not be seen as “perfect.”
    • You might have trust issues. This has to do with the fear of letting go of control. You have the idea that if something needs to be done perfectly, you need to do it yourself. Letting go of this need for control and learning to trust other people is crucial for overcoming perfectionism.
    • You “should” all over yourself. You spend a lot of time in the “shoulda, woulda, coulda” land.
    • You procrastinate without end to find the right time to work on your goals.
    • You would rather give up than not do something perfectly. Putting decent work out there is a must to drive you all the way to your dream destination.
    • You spot mistakes everywhere. You see mistakes where other people don’t and you make it your mission in life to uncover them in all situations.
    • You fear judgment. The truth is that people don’t really think about you as much as you think they do. You don’t need other people’s approval to live your life; you just need your own.
    Sad to Savage – Making Health and Fitness A Lifestyle With Savannah Wright
    • Make a plan for the week. Know that some weeks will be busier with events and obligations and you might not be able to work out as much as you want to. That is fine. Overall consistency is key, but not every week will be perfect.
    • Know that your body will change. You will need to alter your workouts. Don’t compare your body to how it was years ago. Your body may be looking for a different kind of workout.
    • Mindful mile – run a mile without music – focus on mindfulness – your breath and your thoughts
    • Yet, at the same time, you show up every day for work and for others. Show up every day for yourself. Don’t rely on motivation. Rely on self-respect, commitment, and dedication.
    • Give a new fitness program 90 days before deciding if it’s for you long-term.
    • Don’t wait until you “have the time.” Find the time. Prioritize yourself and your health.
    • If you can stream shows for an hour or hours, you have time to work out. You can even walk on the treadmill or lift weights while you watch.
    • Determine your why. Is it longevity? Physique? An event? You want to feel better? You’re only doing it because someone told you to do it?
    Life Kit – How to practice ‘deep reading’
    • Reading can be extremely difficult because things are competing for your attention. Our brains aren’t meant to deep read; it is supposed to be hard.
    • Reduce distractions.
    • Deep reading takes place when we become so immersed in deep thought and concentration and don’t give in to distractions.
    • We tend to skim instead of deep read. Skimming is one of the greatest disruptions of deep reading. It’s a defense mechanism.
    • Screens are fine if you are skimming. If you want to deep read, you have a better chance of minimizing distractions if you read on paper, where you can go at your own pace.
    • Start by forcing yourself to read at least 20 minutes per day in print – not on screens.
    • Deep reading takes practice, discipline, and finding time devoted to it each day.
    • Do not be concerned about how many books you are reading. People read at different speeds and different books require different paces. Let the book determine your pace and enjoy your own pace.
    •  There is more memory that consolidates than we have immediate perceptible access to. On the other hand, when we skim, we consolidate less. Taking notes adds to your ability to remember and reading the notes about what you read activates what you actually did remember and have stored.
    • Deep reading is a place of discovery of others, discovery of beauty, and discovery of appreciation for our ability to think outside the bounds of our everyday lives.  
    Real Simple Tips – 5 Grocery Items to Avoid, According to Professional Chefs
    • Store-bought pesto – hard no for many. It is so easy to make at home with whatever greens you like and need to use up, and you can make it dairy-free if needed.
    • Jarred tomato sauce – full of sugars and preservatives. Instead, buy canned, whole, organic tomatoes, blend them up, and cook them down with your favorite aromatics in twenty minutes.
    • Premade salad dressings – make your own with olive oils, lemon juice, garlic, and herbs.
    • Boxed broth – save your veggie scraps (carrot peels, herb stems, garlic skins, etc.) and make broth when you have enough scraps. Use your veggie scraps with water, salt, and herbs and refrigerate or freeze batches.
    • Pre-grated parmesan – seek out parmesan and grate it fresh when you need it.

    This list surprised me. I love cooking, although I am not a professional chef. Still, to save time, I buy jarred tomato sauce, premade salad dressings, and boxed broth!

    The Personal Finance Podcast – Why Most Americans Are Poor (And How to Change That)
    • Credit card dependence – don’t use credit cards as an emergency expense vehicle. Have an emergency fund in place and take the time to build it up. Nearly half of Americans use credit cards to cover essential living expenses. Nearly half of Americans have reached their credit card limits at some point.
      • If you aren’t making enough money to make ends meet, reduce expenses or increase your income. When you fall into credit card debt, you are paying an extremely high interest rate (often over 20%). Compound interest can cost you thousands of dollars. If you struggle with credit card debt, get rid of your credit cards and force yourself to make it work. Your credit card debt is robbing you of your financial freedom.

    Decreased financial preparedness – when you are trying to build up your emergency fund, it can seem like you will never get ahead due to emergencies. You are likely either spending too much money or not making enough money. Income is the propeller that allows you to build more wealth. Have an emergency fund to protect you from life – medical deductible, vet, car repairs, etc.

    Focus on how to get extra cash on hand. Open a high-yield savings account and automate contributions. Put at least $5,000 in a high-yield savings account then start to work up to 6 months of your monthly expenses.

    • People do not prioritize money flow. Figure out how much money you have coming in and where that money is going to go. Keep a list of all of your income and expenses in a spreadsheet.
      • First, focus on housing, food, and transportation and get those expenses down. Car payments, groceries, and eating out are easy expenses to overspend on. Get them under control.
    • People worry about $10 problems instead of bigger problems: investment fees, mortgage interest, asset allocation, negotiating your salary, transportation costs, and student loan interest. Some of these will cost you six figures over time!
    • Over-reliance on buy now, pay later services for basic necessities – many people do it to avoid credit card interest. 46% of people use buy now, pay later for electronics, 56% use it for clothing, and 31% use it for furniture and appliances. Instead, save up for these items. If you don’t have the money, don’t buy it. Focus on building up your emergency fund. Buy now, pay later increases your debt volume, reduces your net worth, and can result in late fees and financial penalties
    • Lifestyle inflation and mismanagement of raises or bonuses – when you get married, it is easy to increase your lifestyle and want to do more. However, it’s still important to have a gap between your income and expenses.
      • Every time you get a raise, put half of it toward investments and allow yourself to use half of it to increase your lifestyle.
    • Lack of financial education and planning – can use a financial planner (can cost a couple thousand dollars), take a class, or read books and research yourself
    • Low national savings rate – the average American saves 3.6% of their income. You need to save and invest the savings to retire. Experts say to save at least 20% of your income (and invest it) so that you can be able to retire. Some people save 50% of their income to retire very early!
    • People are trying to access their retirement funds early and doing it often – 10% penalty. Don’t do that. Don’t interrupt compound interest unnecessarily. This year, Americans will pay $6.1 billion in penalties for early 401k withdrawals!
    • People don’t understand compound interest – they don’t realize how much it impacts your finances and retirement.

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – May 23, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast – 7 Steps to Increase & Boost Your Metabolism

    Your metabolism determines how many calories you burn. Here are some tips to boost your metabolism.

    • Allow yourself to go through different phases of the journey.
    • Focus on building high quality muscle.
    • Stay active. Incorporate physical activity into your daily routine.
    • Increase protein intake. Protein requires more energy to digest compared to carbs or fat. Include protein-rich foods such as lean meats, fish, eggs, dairy, legumes, and nuts in your diet.
    • Stay hydrated. Drinking enough water is essential for a healthy metabolism.
    • Get enough sleep. Lack of sleep can disrupt your metabolism and lead to weight gain.
    • Manage stress. Chronic stress can lead to hormonal imbalances that can slow down your metabolism.
    • Remember that individual metabolism can vary based on factors such as age, genetics, and body composition. Focus on overall health and well-being rather than solely on boosting metabolism for weight loss.
    On Purpose with Jay Shetty – 10 Steps on How To Set Boundaries Without Offending People
    • Often our definition of someone being a good human being is someone who doesn’t have boundaries. Our definition of what it means to be a good human needs to change at the core.
    • Boundaries are about what we need for ourselves, not what we want or don’t want from others.
    • We think boundaries are protecting us from other people, but boundaries are protecting ourselves from ourselves. We can’t control anyone else’s actions, but we can control our own.
    • Set up “If” scenarios to set boundaries. If this… then this. Clearly communicate your boundaries.
    • You can justify your choice to yourself, but you don’t need to justify your choice to others.
    • How can you be honest, kind, and empathetic to their reaction? It’s okay to recognize that someone else has their own values about your situation. Be open to the idea that not everyone will agree with you.
    • Don’t have an expectation of how you want someone else to respond. Don’t project how you process things onto other people. If someone doesn’t act in the way you would or the way you think they should, remember that they are not you, and you are not them.
    • Become certain about your boundaries.
    • Ask yourself these questions when setting a boundary:
      • What is the boundary protecting for you? Is it time? Why is time important for you? Is it an idea you are trying to practice? A mindset you are trying to build?
      • What happens when you don’t follow that boundary? How would your future self feel about it if you forego the boundary?
      • How do you feel when you follow through on the boundary?
    • Plan a buffer. Someone will catch you off guard and ask for something at a time you don’t expect. It’s okay to ask for time or some space.
    • Observe others do uncomfortable things. Everything you admire in someone else is a skill that can be trained and is a life that you can live.
    • Start exposing yourself to simple actions of discomfort: calling to cancel or reschedule an appointment, declining an invite to a friend’s birthday, etc. Allow the exposures to scale. People will be offended and that’s okay.
    • Reset people’s expectations of you. Set boundaries.
    The Big Flop – Beanie Babies Go Bust with Ian Karmel and Brian Moller
    • The Beanie Babies craze was in the 1990s. Each had a name, birthdate, and little story attached to them.
      • I used to collect Beanie Babies and even had a special holder made for them. It resembled a coat rack but had little pieces of elastic to hang them on.
    • 1993 – Beanie Babies debuted at the World Toy Fair in New York City and didn’t really take off
    • Scarcity is what set Beanie Babies apart from other stuffed animals.
      • Beanie Babies were “retired” instead of “discontinued” – made it seem like a collector’s item and gave Beanie Babies a feeling of scarcity
      • Not sold in popular retailers like Walmart or Toys R US – favored small independent stores and gift shops
        • The stores that sold them could only offer some of the Beanie Babies, so nobody could get the collection in one place. When people spotted them, they weren’t sure if they would see those Beanie Babies again, so they bought them.
    •  1995 – website was created where you could buy the Beanie Babies and get extra intel, such as an online catalog with more information about the Beanie Babies, upcoming release dates, etc. Some sources cite this as the first business-to-consumer sales site on the internet! Demand is so high around the holidays that Ty, Inc. imported 3 737s full of Beanie Babies from Korea.
    • 1995 – $28million in sales that year
    • Some were sold on Ebay for over $30,000!
    • By 1997, the craze was huge! Newsletters, pricing guides, and fan trivia bubbled up across America.
    • In May of 1997, Beanie collectors spent $500 million on Ebay auctions for Beanie Babies in one month!
    • In October 1997, Ty, Inc. announced they would release a commemorative purple Beanie bear called Princess in honor of the recently deceased Princess Diana. The proceeds would go to Princess Diana’s foundation and were supposed to be sold for $7. Some retailers gouged customers and charged anywhere from $25 to $350 for Princess. Many people were convinced this bear would be worth a fortune someday.
    • A McDonalds employee stole $6k in teenie-Beanies and went to prison and a store clerk in LA was robbed at gunpoint for 40 Beanie Bears.
    • By 1998, 65% of American homes had at least one Beanie Baby. Ty, Inc’s sales were more than $1.4 billion.
    • 1998 – Forbes left Warner off of the Wealthiest Americans to Make Lots of Money list, so he bought a full-page ad in the WSJ to let everyone know that Ty, Inc. made more than $700 million the previous year – more than Hasbro and Mattel combined. In 1999, Forbes listed Warner with an estimated net worth of $4billion.
    • Yet, Lina, the creator of the website and the poems on the tags made $12.50 per hour! She asked for a raise, was denied, and she quit.
    • 3 months before the Christmas shopping season in 1999, Warner announced that all Beanie Babies would be retired on December 31, 1999. It was another marketing stunt to drive up interest and demand. On Christmas Eve, Warner created a poll asking fans to make the decision on whether Beanie Babies would live or die and, in the ultimate money-grabbing move, made people pay money to vote! People aren’t going to pay to vote no.
    • The crazy had clearly passed, which was terrible news for people who had invested heavily in Beanie Babies.
    • By 2002, Warner was worth $6 billion. In 2009, Ty, Inc. attempted to recapture the magic by releasing Beanie Boos – fluffier Beanie Babies with bigger eyes. Nobody wanted to buy them like they did the original Beanies.
    • In 2014, Warner pled guilty to tax evasion and hiding over $20 million from the government due to having a hidden foreign bank account.
    • Ty, Inc. still exists. Ty Inc HQ doesn’t have a sign out front. Ty.com recently announced its line of 30th anniversary commemorative Beanies that look like the originals. You can’t buy them on the website but they will be available at select retailers.

    I enjoyed this blog post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

    https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/taking-a-shot-on-you

    Taking Shot On You

    May 16, 2024

    “If you’ve had any success there’s probably been a few people who took a shot on you early on…and probably along the way.

    And now that you’ve had that success, what would it look like for you to take a shot on someone else?“

    I also liked this blog post from Seth’s Blog this week:

    The unwarranted smile

    The unwarranted smile

    “When we do something nice for someone, a ‘thank you’ and a smile is nice to receive. And, in many parts of human culture, it’s a bit expected.

    But when something goes wrong, if we drop a plate or miss a turn or make someone late, it’s particularly delightful and memorable if we are greeted warmly instead of stomped on.

    The moments when it’s the most difficult to be kind are the moments where it matters the most.”

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – May 16, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Optimal Relationships Daily – 5 Reasons We Talk “At” Each Other And How to Listen
    • It’s easy to assume you know what your partner is going to say. Instead, stay curious.
    • You’re thinking about what you’re going to say and can barely wait for them to stop taking. Instead, stay in the moment.
    • You’re responding to their “tone” rather than listening to their words. Instead, ask for another approach.
    • You’re distracted by something else. Instead, give one another a heads up that you need their attention.
    • You can misread your partner’s motive or intent. Instead, ask questions and try to assume good intention.
    NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – Save on Home Insurance Amid Rising Costs and Coverage Hurdles
    • 7.4% of homeowners in the U.S. are uninsured (millions of people).
    • The average annual premium for home insurance across the U.S. has increased 6% year-over-year – much more than that in some areas. Ours doubled within two years.
    • Between 1980 and 1989, the U.S. saw 33 disasters that caused 1 billion dollars or more of damages. In 2023, there were 28 disasters that caused more than 1 billion dollars or more of damage in one year alone.
    • Inflation – cost of labor and materials – higher rebuilding costs=higher premiums
    • There are some companies that won’t insure homeowners in certain areas, such as Florida, Louisiana, and California.
    • As the cost of homeowners insurance continues to rise, more people will go uninsured. Homeowners who make less than $50k per year are twice as likely to be uninsured as those who make more than that. 22% of Native American homeowners, 14% of Latino homeowners, and 11% of Black homeowners go without home insurance. 35% of people who own manufactured homes are uninsured.
    • Homeowners are more likely to be uninsured if they live in rural areas, if they live in Houston/Miami metro areas, or if they live in New Mexico/Mississippi/Louisiana.
    • Shop around for homeowners’ insurance annually! Reach out to a local independent insurance agent.
    • Make sure that you have enough insurance. Inflation has caused the cost of materials to increase in recent years, so many people are underinsured. Read your insurance policy carefully to make sure you understand the coverage and limitations.
    • Look into what steps you can take to mitigate the risks you’re likely to face in your area – flood vents, fire-resistant siding, alarm system, etc.
    • Worst case scenario: consider relocating. Many people are finding they have no choice but to pack up and move to a place where they can afford to insure their homes.
    Life Kit – Colorectal cancer rates are on the rise. Here’s what to know
    • Colorectal cancer is the first cause of cancer death in men and the second in women.
    • Most colorectal cancer starts out as a polyp and is highly curable when localized to the bowel. Surgery is the main way it is treated, and it leads to a cure in about 50% of cases.
    • The recommendation is to start getting colorectal cancer screenings at age 45. If you have a sibling or parent who has a history of colorectal cancer, you should start screening at age 35.
    • A colonoscopy is the gold standard screening tool and is recommended every ten years for those who don’t have an increased risk of colorectal cancer.
    • Another commonly used tool is a stool test: fecal immunochemical test (FIT). It detects small amounts of blood in the stool and is done annually.
    • Cologuard is a stool DNA test which detects blood and DNA changes that come from a cancerous or pre-cancerous polyp in the stool.
    • During a colonoscopy, a doctor inserts a scope with a camera into the rectum to see the entire colon. They can cut out polyps or abnormal tissues and send off biopsy tissues for analysis. It is not uncommon to find and remove several polyps during the procedure.
    • Prep for a colonoscopy: 24 hours clear liquid diet + laxative beverage to clear you out before the procedure.
    • A colonoscopy is a procedure that can find and eliminate the polyp that is the cancer!
    • Symptoms to watch out for: blood in stool, change in bowel habits, weight loss for no known reason, feeling of bloating/fullness/fatigue
    • Risk factors: lack of regular physical activity, a diet low in fruits and vegetables, a diet low in fiber, a diet with too much fat or too much processed meats, being overweight or obese, alcohol and tobacco use
    Life Kit – Create the birthday you want to celebrate
    • If we want to celebrate our birthdays with joy, we need to take charge of our day and make it what we want. It’s up to you to be proactive about your birthday and to take the reigns on how you want your day to go.
      • For my birthday this year (May 10), I wanted a weekend away. My husband and I enjoyed a cave tour, mini golf, a picnic lunch, renting bikes and biking on a state trail, going out for supper, and relaxing in the evening.
    • There is no right or wrong way to celebrate your birthday. Think of your birthday as your own personal holiday, which requires some prep. If you want to, order tickets to a show, order a cake, etc. Communicate your vision to other people involved. Don’t wait for others to show up and make things happen for you.
    • Tell people it’s your birthday if you want to.
    • Buy yourself something you really want. Buy yourself a $1 scratch-off ticket.
    • If you hate your birthday, keep things simple. Take the day off if you can and choose something you want to do for yourself.
    • Small steps could mean buying a single slice of birthday cake, calling and catching up with a friend, journaling, etc.

    Self Improvement Daily – Brutally Honest With Ourselves, Skillfully Honest With Others

    The most impactful thing we can hear from ourselves is the direct, unbiased, unfiltered version of what’s going on. We often add fluff to mute the blow to protect us from anything that’s psychologically challenging. Don’t be so blunt that you become self-deprecating but give yourself grace as you accept the truth.

    When dealing with others, there’s a lot more context that comes into play. The recipient must be open to hearing what you have to say if you want it to be effective. So navigating honesty more delicately allows the message to be less confrontational and more collaborative.

    Be brutally honest with yourself and skillfully honest with others.

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • April 2024 Reads

    I read four books in April 2024. Here is a brief synopsis of the four books I read in April 2024, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.

    “The Sun Does Shine” detailed Anthony Ray Hinton’s experience spending nearly thirty years on death row in Alabama for crimes he didn’t commit. This book was eye-opening, emotional, and intriguing! I, and others, enjoyed it so much that it was selected as my employer’s next book club book! I will post about this book in more detail in a future post, but here are a few things that stood out to me:

    • He watched 54 men walk past his door on their way to be executed, as the execution chamber was 30 feet from his cell.
    • Mr. Hinton is one of the longest-serving condemned prisoners facing execution in America to be proved innocent and released. For 14 years, he could not obtain the legal help he needed to prove his innocence. Bryan Stevenson of the Equal Justice Initiative engaged three of the nation’s top firearms examiners, who all testified that the gun obtained from Mr. Hinton’s mother could not be matched to the crime evidence, and it took 14 years of contested litigation and a rare unanimous ruling from the U.S. Supreme Court before Mr. Hinton was released in 2015!
    • This book contained lessons of optimism, faith, and choice – all of which helped Anthony Ray Hinton survive his thirty years of confinement.
    • One of the most inspiring parts of the book is that Mr. Hinton’s best friend, Lester, never missed a visit in the thirty years Mr. Hinton was confined! That is true friendship many of us could never possibly imagine.

    5 out of 5 stars!

    “Warren Buffett Invests Like A Girl” was written by LouAnn Lofton, who has been with The Motley Fool since 2000. I read this as part of a book club I’m in, and honestly, this book could have been summed up in a blog post or list, which I am ironically doing right now. I have read better personal finance books. I didn’t particularly like that the author used the book to highlight stereotypical female qualities and emphasized how all investors should exhibit these qualities; at times, it came across as sexist.

    • Focus on the long term. Have patience. Don’t even think about investing money in the stock market that you need in less than five years. Trade less to make more.
    • Stick to your sphere of understanding.
    • Be levelheaded about your investments and the market at large and don’t get too excited or devastated.
    • Read and learn all you can, and actively seek out information. Research extensively.
    • Ignore peer pressure.
    • Learn from your mistakes.
    • Read up on the management of companies you are considering investing in. A business is only as strong as the people running it. Consider selling if management makes questionable decisions or undergoes significant changes.
    • Diversification – consider investing in an index funds and pick 15-20 individual stocks. *I don’t currently do this.*
    • Just because someone is an acknowledged investment guru or master doesn’t mean there isn’t a better way.

    3 out of 5 stars

    Hardcover Unreasonable Hospitality: The Remarkable Power of Giving People More Than They Expect Book

    “Unreasonable Hospitality: The remarkable power of giving people more than they expect” was written by Will Guidara. Will is the former co-owner of Eleven Madison Park and the Nomad, founder of the Welcome Conference, an annual hospitality symposium, and founder of Thank You, a hospitality company that develops world-class destinations and helps leaders across industries transform their approach to customer service. This book doubled as an autobiography and a great management book about how to lead and serve. Overall, this book was very educational and inspiring! I will post more in detail about this book in its own blog post sometime, but here are some main takeaways.

    The greatest restaurants in the world become great by challenging the way we think about food. When Will Guidara set out to make Eleven Madison Park the best restaurant in the world, he had a crazy idea about how to do it: What would happen if we approached hospitality with the same passion, attention to detail, and rigor that we bring to our food?

    In 2017, Eleven Madison Park was named the best restaurant in the world in 2017 after seven years of hard work, creativity, a maniacal attention to detail, and a truly unreasonable dedication to hospitality. They won because of their collective focus on unreasonable hospitality; they made the decision to be as joyfully unreasonable in their creative pursuit of hospitality in the dining room as the best restaurants all over the world already were in the kitchen.

    • Create a culture of hospitality. How do you make the people who work for you and the people you serve feel seen and valued? How do you give them a sense of belonging? How do you make them feel part of something bigger than themselves? How do you make them feel welcome?
    • You’re not always going to agree with everything you hear, but you’ve got to start by listening. If your business involves making people happy, then you can’t be good at it if you don’t care what people think. However, don’t try to be all things to all people. Criticism is an invitation to have your perspective changed.
    • Hospitality is a team sport. If you let your ego get in the way of asking for what you need, you’re going to let the whole team down, and the hospitality you’re delivering is going to suffer.
    • Serve what you genuinely want to receive and there will be authenticity in the experience.

    5 out of 5 stars!

    “The Book of (More) Delights” was written by Ross Gay, who has received numerous writing awards and teaches at Indiana University. His general rule was to write them daily, write them quickly, and write them by hand and to notice, pay attention to, and think about what he loves. This book was just so-so for me; I had high expectations for this book and had also placed a library hold on the original “The Book of Delights.” I found this book sometimes boring and not relatable – so much so that I cancelled the library hold for the original book in the series. This book consisted of mostly stories and anecdotes about his life, not relatable delights. With that said, here are some of the delights mentioned that we share, most of which were found in a list in the appendix rather than the actual chapters:

    • the perfect spoon (or cup)
    • free stuff
    • admiring babies
    • braces on adults
    • being early
    • paper menus and cash
    • my birthday
    • how people talk to their dogs
    • armrests on chairs
    • deep pockets
    • pants that fit right

    3 out of 5 stars

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – April 25, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Before Breakfast – Make your days fulfilling, not just filled
    • Many times our days are filled, but aren’t especially fulfilling. We run from one thing to the next without a lot of meaning. The pressure of things to be done can keep us from being fully present and engaged. We always have the power to make sure our days feel fulfilling and not just filled.
    • Plan for “you time.” Actively consider what would be fulfilling. What will have an impact on you and others? What will you remember? What will matter a month or a year from now?
    • Consider your priorities for your career, relationships, and self. Consider what is most important for you to do each week. Be intentional about determining what really matters.
    • Be present for the experiences you schedule. Take a couple of deep breaths and remind yourself why you are there. This isn’t just one more thing on the calendar; there’s a reason for it.
    • Create a life worth living.
    Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 5 Mental Strength Exercises to Do Today to Grow Mentally Stronger
    • Put a name to whatever it is that you are feeling right now. Name it to tame it. Labeling an emotion helps your body and brain make more sense of what is going on.
    • Ask if that feeling is a friend or an enemy. If it’s a friend, embrace it and let yourself feel that feeling. If it’s an enemy, change the way you think and/or change your behavior.
    • Identify three things that you are grateful for. Gratitude is a superpower.
    • Write yourself a kind letter. Most of us are too hard on ourselves, which doesn’t drive us to do better. The key to doing better in life involves self-compassion. Write yourself a letter that cheers you on or reminds you that you’re strong and that you can do this. Whenever you need a boost in life, read that letter.
    • Plan something fun to do this week. It gives you something to look forward to and boosts your mood. You get a second boost when you actually do that fun thing and a third boost when you create a positive memory.
    Optimal Finance Daily – 10 Ways to Take Control of Your Finances
    • Understand your cash flow.
    • Set goals.
    • Cut down unnecessary expenses. Big dreams ask for big sacrifices.
    • Start investing.
    • Increase your income. Earning more could be the main ticket to your success. In order to improve your finances, you need to either earn more or spend less.
    • Calculate your net worth. List all of your assets (savings, real estate, investment accounts, etc.) and list all of your liabilities (line of credit balance, mortgage balance, credit card balances, etc.). Subtract the total liabilities from your total assets to get your proper net worth. You should use your net worth to track your progress from year to year.
    • Find the best resources. Be well informed and accumulate knowledge.
    • Use a budgeting tool.
    • Follow a debt plan. The more time you wait to pay off your debt, the more interest you will be paying.
    • Save for your retirement. The sooner you invest for your retirement days, the better life you will get in your golden years.
    Life Kit – How to plan your dream vacation
    • Vacations can vary depending on your travel style and budget – a long road trip, a stay at a cottage in the woods, a multi-city tour on another continent, etc. It is typically something you save for and plan months in advance.
    • The planning starts with thinking about what you want to get out of the trip. Do you want to decompress, relax, and rest? Do you need excitement and adventure? Do you want somewhere that feels comfortable to you as a solo traveler? Set the mission of your trip.
    • Set a budget. How much money do you want to spend or how much can you afford to spend? Plan ahead and figure out how much money you need to save each month.
    • How much vacation time do you have? If you look at the calendar and look at where the holiday weekends fall, you can turn your limited number of vacation days into an extended trip. However, that is also the most expensive time to travel.
    • Is the season important to you? Do you want to go during peak season of that destination? Do you want hot weather and a beach? Do you want to experience winter somewhere?
    • Think about your constraints: budget, time, time of year, etc.
    • Travel responsibly. Research the places you’re interested in and make sure they want tourists at the time you’re looking to visit. When you’re booking, consider putting your money toward the local economy rather than national or international chains. Learn about whatever destination you choose and be open to learning about the culture there. Be a respectful visitor.
    • Think about who you want to travel with. Find someone who has the same travel goals – the pace, activities, and how much money you can spend. Be honest with each other about finances. Some people will want to spend more money on certain things on the trip than others.

    https://www.twowanderingsoles.com/blog/11-questions-to-ask-a-friend-before-traveling-together

    • Find the destination. Use the internet or travel magazines to conduct research. Consider keeping a list of destinations you most want to visit.
    • Do your best to think outside of the current travel trends. You don’t need to go somewhere just because everyone else goes there or wants to go there. Don’t overschedule yourself or overbook yourself. Find one thing on each day of your trip and build a flexible itinerary around that. Think about what’s most important to you to do on your trip.
    • Something on your trip is bound to go wrong. Once you’re there, sit back and surrender. Roll with the punches.
    The Jordan Harbinger Show – Emotional Support Animals
    • Emotional support animals are everywhere – planes, restaurants, grocery stores, etc.
    • Service animals do things – guide the blind, alert the deaf, retrieve items for people with mobility issues, help people with disabilities, etc. They require intensive training and certification by the state to behave amongst the public.
    • Emotional support animals just are. They have no training. Often, they are ordinary pets of people exploiting the rules.
    • ADA – a service dog can legally accompany their handlers almost everywhere. It is illegal to ask people what their disability is or to see the dog’s certification.  Service animals don’t have the same protection. The law doesn’t provide for bringing emotional support animals into restaurants.
    • Many people get their emotional support animal “certified” by filling out a form online or getting a note from a doctor. The Fair Housing Act does not require training or certification; a doctor’s note is all that is needed! You can register as many emotional support animals as you want as long as your therapist believes that all of your pets are there for your well-being.
    • The ADA doesn’t acknowledge emotional support animals. The Fair Housing Act provides the right for an emotional support animal to live with its owner even if the housing doesn’t allow pets.
    • Top complaints from airline passengers and employees are about untrained dogs – growling, barking, defecating, biting, etc.
    • If you can’t control the dog you have, you can’t go around with the dog you have.
    • “If you actually suffer from anxiety, what is going to happen when your dog bites a stranger on a plane and you’re forced to make an emergency landing? The ironic thing is that, most of these people give the animal that’s supposed to be curbing their anxiety, anxiety medication before the flight. My emotional support animal needs an emotional support prescription.”
    • The evidence to support the notion that emotional support animals do anything is surprisingly weak.
    • There are treatments for anxiety that work really well, such as facing your fears gradually. In the end, it is the individual who overcomes their fear and gains a feeling of empowerment. Some psychologists have found that the support animal becomes a crutch; people don’t want to face their fears alone and feel emotionally crippled without their pet. If someone cannot be apart from their pet, there might be a bigger issue.
    • Some studies show that petting an animal can have a calming effect, as measured by cortisol levels, but blankets and stuffed animals have the same effect.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UT_oknjFVs
    • What can be done? There are new rules that restrict free air travel to service animals only. Delta requires a note from a veterinarian confirming the animal is trained and can be around people. We can bring about change in a social realm. When you show up for a lunch date and your friend brings an emotional support animal, say something. It should be treated the same as someone unhandicapped who parks in a handicapped spot.
    • Any laws regarding emotional support animals need to be enforced! Online websites that provide emotional support animal letters need to be taken down.

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – April 18, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    The 5 AM Miracle – 12 Productivity Tips You Need to Know
    • Checklists are everything. When you can optimize every task with detailed checklists, you’ve won.
    • Respond to every e-mail within 24 hours if you possibly can.
    • Make sure your technology is not an obstacle to your success. Properly working, fast technology is a gamechanger.
    • Arguing is almost always a complete waste of time. Arguing with people on social media is not worth it. It wastes your time and life.
    • Pack a produce bag for work so that you will eat the healthiest things you can.
    • Introduce one-minute workouts each hour.
    • Work alone or work anonymously whenever possible. This helps limit distractions.
    • Work in a boring office. This will help you execute tasks.
    • Work with a timer to keep you focused and help you maintain a sense of urgency.
    • Drink water between your coffee or other caffeinated beverages. This will help you have the best energy and focus you need for yourself.
    • Dress for the job you want, even if you work from home. If you present yourself to yourself as you would like to, you’re maintaining standards for yourself and others.
    • Read something for personal or professional growth for a half hour each day. Use a physical book. The level of focus and engagement with a physical book is significantly higher than a digital resource or audio resource that would allow you to be distracted and go do something else. Physical books change your level of engagement.
    The Lazy Genius Podcast – 7 Routines That Work for Me

    • Your routines should support what matters to you. Routines that work for others might not work for you or might not be needed for you. These routines work for the podcaster. These are not my routines.

    • Weekly meal planning routine – meal plan on Sundays for the upcoming week. Write the meals on a whiteboard and shop for groceries or place a grocery delivery order.
    • Morning weekday routine – get up, get kids ready, unload dishwasher, pack lunches, etc.
    • Saturday morning routine – stay in bed, read, go for a walk, or do whatever you want to do in the morning.
    • One Line A Day journal and Connections/Joy journal – to write down and keep memories
    • Weekday lunch break – delicious and colorful lunch
    • Afternoon weekday routine – support kids through snacks, homework, driving carpools, play, etc.
    • Monthly routine of workdays – connect with someone monthly and work together

    I am still working on creating my ideal morning and evening routines, but here are insights into some of my routines:

    Daily – always. No matter what:

    • Read 30+ minutes.
    • Play cognition/brain games in Lumosity and Elevate apps.
    • Listen to a podcast/read a podcast transcript.

    Nightly:

    • Dishes before bed
    • Log food I ate and symptoms that day.
    • Write in my One Line A Day journal.
    • Read Seth’s Blog, Gabe the Bass Player blog, and daily devotional.

    Lunches when working from home – eat lunch and get movement in.

    Lunches when working in the office – eat lunch and read.

    Sundays – meal plan and prep lunches/suppers

    15th and last day of each month – financial check-in – review and log all transactions, note account balances, and check retirement account balances and performance.

    Last day of each month – reflect on the month – accomplishments, highlights, challenges, and lessons learned. Think about what I want to focus on in the month ahead.

    Life Kit – Negotiation tactics for everyday life
    • Benchmarking – researching good information (objective data) and determining an appropriate price point (ex: salary or purchases) – Ask, People resources, Paper resources
      • Ex: delayed flight compensation– ask at the counter, ask people within your networks, research online
    • Win/win – what do we both want in this situation and how do we benefit from that?
    • Present a menu of options with three different options – ex: messy house – options: change cleaning schedule, change division of tasks, or hire housecleaner.
    • Think about your backup plan. If you are unable to negotiate with this person, what is your alternative?  Have a really good alternative so that you are able to think with a clear head and are less likely to make a decision you will regret later on. You want to signal to them subtly that you have a backup plan.
      • When you have a strong backup plan, it influences your negotiation performance. If you don’t have a strong backup plan, it impacts the way you engage in a negotiation and leaves you feeling in a corner.
    • Parties involved in negotiations – power broker, decision maker, and messenger.
      • Knowing who these people are in negotiations is important and will impact how you direct your energy in a negotiation.
    • Set a collaborative tone. HALT: Any time you are feeling hungry, angry, lonely, or tired is probably a bad time to engage in negotiations. Be mindful of the timing and context of the situation.
    • Know when it’s time to step away from a negotiation. If it is a long-standing relationship that you value and want to maintain, make sure that how you negotiate and how frequently you negotiate isn’t wearing out or fatiguing that relationship.
    Chasing Life – Do These Quick Weight Loss Hacks Work?
    • IKA experts – “I know all” experts – there is often a correlation between how little knowledge someone has on a topic and how much confidence they have around that topic.
    • There are many people making questionable promises when it comes to weight loss.
    • Weight loss product ads are everywhere.  Marketers do a great job at targeting the most vulnerable populations: those who have been hurt by the healthcare system, those with autoimmune conditions or nonspecific symptoms, those who have trouble losing weight, and those who have terrible insecurities.
    • Our general attitude is “might help, won’t hurt, why not.”  Tummy teas – pretending to fix one problem (weight) but creating more (dehydration, laxative effect)
    • Don’t challenge people who are seeing benefit or wish to do a specific task. Instead, educate them on potential risks based on what science says. Challenge the individuals spreading misinformation and the companies selling miracle cures. There is always a risk and you need to understand if that risk is acceptable to you for the potential benefit.
    • Seek something sustainable and long-term.
    • Calories in, calories out is very accurate. If you overeat calories and you don’t burn enough calories, you will gain weight.
    • Intermittent fasting – eat less – narrow time window
    • Keto – high fat meals that are dense and hard to overeat
    • Limiting types of foods you can eat – restricting calories
    • Whichever one of these restrictive diets you can stay on for the rest of your life, because they don’t feel restrictive to you since they match your lifestyle and taste -that’s ultimately what’s going to help you lose weight and keep the weight off.
    • We need to have a long-term relationship with a doctor to provide continuity of care and sustain weight loss.
    • Patients should be engaged in their own health to look something up before their visits to a doctor, but you need to pair your resources with information from a doctor. Some people get sucked into products and claims that are harmful.
    • If something sounds too good to be true, it likely is. There are no miracle shortcuts when it comes to weight loss.
    • Be aware of buzz words and fuzzy claims on products.
    • Anything not regulated by the FDA does not have to adhere to their strict standards of safety or effectiveness.

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • Thoughtful Thursday – April 11, 2024

    My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

    Optimal Finance Daily – 10 Money Questions Every Couple Must Answer

    Note that these questions are for couples in serious long-term relationships. You and your partner may not agree on everything. It’s more important to work through conflicts and come to an understanding.

    1. What is your policy on loaning money to relatives? Are you supporting/do you plan to support any family members?
    2. How much money have you saved?
    3. How much debt do you have?
    4. Are you comfortable investing or do you prefer to keep your money in the bank?
    5. Are you a saver or spender?
    6. How do you feel about merging finances once we’re married? This question has a lot to do with the question about how much your partner has saved. If you’re the only saver, you may not want to merge finances.
    7. Do you have a budget…and can I see it?
    8. Will you support me if I choose not to work?
    9. What type of bill payer are you? Minimum payments/full bill upfront? Automatic bill pay/send via mail? Do you pay all bills on time?
    10. What is your dream, and how do you plan on paying for it?

    I thought this podcast was very interesting and I wish I had known about these questions sooner. For full transparency, I did not/have not asked all of these questions, but I think it’s a great idea!

    The Liz Moody Podcast – 10 Learnings From My Week At The Life-Changing Hoffman Process Personal Growth Retreat
    • When you are saying how you feel, use “I” instead of “you.” This helps the emotion and experience feel more personal.
    • If you are struggling to change, start with any action. Action is required for change. You can act yourself into a new way of thinking, but you can’t think yourself into a new way of action.
    • We are all human and we are all going through challenges, so stop judging other people. By judging others, you are paving those pathways in your brain that are primed for judgment, and you are priming yourself to judge yourself. When you notice you’re telling yourself a story about someone else in your head, talk to them and find out more about them.
    • Clarity is kind. Don’t beat around the bush.
    • In order to heal, we need to turn out instead of in. Involve other people instead of keeping to yourself. The power of community is vital to healing. You are not a burden. Reach out to people. Relationship bonds heal relationship wounds.
    • Fun is a key part of healing. Access connection, joy, and love. Healing doesn’t always need to be hard and not fun. You can enjoy the process of becoming the person that you want to be. You will get better results if the healing process is enjoyable, too.
    • Everything we see in others is typically also in us – “You spot it, you’ve got it.” In other people, we notice the things that we are most sensitive about or don’t like about ourselves as much. The traits we find most triggering in other people are usually things we are dealing with internally and things we are reacting to negatively within ourselves. When we notice positive attributes in other people, often those are positive traits we notice and value about ourselves.
    • Don’t forgive and forget. That sets you up for future hurt. Forgive and remember because holding on to it only hurts you. Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies. The only person made prisoner by our resentment is ourselves.
    • When you impress people into liking you, it makes you feel inherently unlovable. It can make you feel that without those things, you wouldn’t be lovable or likable to people. If people only like you because of your status/your job, you may feel unlovable without your job. When we give people an arbitrary sense of status (ex: celebrities), we’re actually depriving them of their ability to be human and to feel lovable for who they authentically are.
      • When we don’t share what we do for work, the ways you identify your relationships with people are built on who you really are on the inside. You’re forced to present a raw version of yourself, and people will love you for you. You have worth outside of your job and the work that you do.
    • Be, do, have. How do you want to feel? How do you want to live? Let that influence what you do in the world and the choices you make. Those choices, as a result of the being and doing, will create the things that you have. You’ll have a different relationship with those things because you won’t need those things to be happy.
      • Be, do, have instead of do, have, be.

    • How do we help people who are different from one another experience a sense of belonging and support in the workplace?
      • Acknowledge that we all have some privilege. Ex: access to hot water, drinking water, etc. Being aware of our privilege helps us to see where we have access and ease, and access and ease give us power. What about me or my experience might someone look at and consider to be typical?
      • We need to be willing to recognize the differences in people and want to get to know them across those differences. Let me learn about your experiences so that I can develop empathy for you and gain perspective I wouldn’t otherwise have. Hear their stories, gain empathy, and broaden your view. Ex: interviews – how often do we dismiss candidates because we didn’t think they were a culture fit or they didn’t give us the exact example we wanted? What if we used their stories to evaluate where they have an opportunity to thrive and grow? Hear their circumstances and experiences.
      • Extend your privilege to others respectfully and impactfully in the ways you are able to.
      • Allyship can involve considering food allergies, accepting correction when you mispronounce someone’s name, left-handed scissors, etc. What do you have the ability to do to support others?

    I really liked this blog post from Seth’s Blog this week:

    Analyzing the last move

    Analyzing the last move

    “When the deal falls apart, or the team loses the game, or a partnership hits the rocks, it’s easy to focus our energy on what just happened.

    “What if they had called a different play?”

    This overlooks the real issue. It’s the first move, or the fifth, that led to this problem, not what happened at the last moment.

    Creating the conditions for success is a very different project than finding a heroic move that saves the day.“

    This post from Gabe the Bass Player also resonated with me this week. Often, we envy the successes, accomplishments, or belongings of others. Yet, we aren’t willing to do what it takes to obtain them.”

    What Will You Give Up

    April 9, 2024

    “One of the hardest parts of getting to where we want to go is giving up the things that make us feel good in the short term…

    It’s hard to give up scrolling

    It’s hard to give up Netflix

    It’s hard to give up scrolling Netflix

    It’s hard to give up the peace and quiet that comes from not doing much…or doing the same old things.

    It’s hard to give up the notion that people will understand why you’re doing what you’re doing

    It’s hard to give up your norms

    It’s hard to give up not rocking the boat

    It’s hard to give up the security of your hard won reputation

    The best way to get to the new place is by starting something new…and giving up something else is a great way to start.”

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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  • March 2024 Reads

    I read four books in March 2024. I have been reading less for my personal pleasure due to being busy with a post-graduate paralegal certificate program and spending most of my time reading textbooks. Here is a brief synopsis of the four books I read in March 2024, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.

    “How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships” was written by Leil Lowndes, an internationally acclaimed communications expert who coaches top executives of Fortune 500 companies and frontline employees to become more effective communicators. Leil conducts communications seminars for the U.S. Peace Corps, foreign governments, and major corporations. While I did learn some great communication tricks and the book was very useful, I did not like the phone and smug tone of writing. Here are a handful of my take-aways:

    • When someone asks where you are from, never give just the city. Learn some engaging facts about your hometown that conversational partners can communicate on.
    • Never give a naked thank you. Never let the phrase “thank you” stand alone.
    • If you leave a voicemail, view it as your ten-second audition to prove you are worthy of a quick callback.
    • Use the big baby pivot when you meet someone new. Give the warm smile, the total-body turn, and the undivided attention you would give a baby who crawled up to your feet and smiled at you.
    • Imagine a giant swiveling spotlight between you and your conversation partner. The longer you keep it shining away from you, the more interesting he or she finds you.

    “Like, Literally, Dude: Arguing for the Good in Bad English” was written by Valerie Fridland, a professor of linguistics at the University of Nevada and author of the popular language blog called “Language in the Wild.” This book contained a linguistic exploration of the speech habits we love to hate – linguistic quirks that are fundamental to our social, professional, and romantic success. This book was fascinating, and here are just a few facts that resonated with me:

    Language evolution doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Language evolves because social forces act as triggers in taking underlying linguistic tendencies and giving them social meaning. Ex: migration, school, class, cultural shifts, geography, age, etc.

    ‘Ums‘ and ‘uhs‘ don’t just fill pauses- these words unconsciously signify the introduction of a new topic or a complex idea and signal to a listener that there will be an upcoming speech delay and convey how long of a delay the listener should expect. ‘Um‘ precedes longer delays than ‘uh.’ They also result in a boost in memory to the listener (of what was stated after the pause) and filled pauses buy ourselves processing time and convey to the listener that “it’s still my turn.”


    Our unease with the use of the word ‘like‘ is probably more about its association with casual, younger speech than its functionality. ‘Like‘ is an incredibly amorphous word:

    • verb – to discuss fondness for objects or people
    • noun – to describe likes and dislikes
    • adjective – to mean similar to “in the manner of”
    • preposition – simile construction
    • conjunction – to embed another clause
    • approximating marker – looseness of meaning before a numerical estimate/quantification
    • common quotative verb

    “100 Ways to Change Your Life: The Science of Leveling Up Health, Happiness, Relationships, & Success” was written by Liz Moody, the host of the top-rated Liz Moody podcast, author of best-selling books, and popular online content creator. This book was my favorite book I read in March and contained so much valuable information! I will post about this book in more detail another time, but in the meantime, here are five ways you can change your life.

    • Take the risk. You are far more resilient than you think. Doing is a form of figuring out. Just start. The right time is always right now. A fundamental reason many people don’t find success is that they never begin.
    • Think about your death. What can it highlight about living a life that you’re proud of today? What can it teach you about shifts you need to make?
    • Establish and stick to better boundaries. You reclaim your energy, time, capacity, money, and physical space. We begin to resent people for not catering to our needs, even when we’ve never communicated what those needs actually are. Take a pause before replying to anyone’s invitation or request. Practice checking in with yourself first before you tend to someone else’s needs.
    • Identify your financial dreams. Why do you want to accumulate wealth in the first place? What is your Rich Life? What do you value? What are some things other people might value that truly don’t matter to you? Spend your money on what you value.
    • Create a mental health checklist. Social connection, good nutrition, routine, sleep, and movement are the five pillars of mental health. Use them as a first line of answers if you aren’t feeling your best.

    “Excuse Me As I Kiss The Sky” was written by Rudy Francisco, one of the most recognizable names in spoken word poetry, and one of my favorite poets. This book covered different poetry styles, some of which I am not familiar with: ode, obit, golden shovel, contrapuntal, question-and-answer, free verse, page to stage, and love poems.

    Rudy is one of the most recognizable names in spoken word poetry, but his talent also shows on the page. Rudy mentioned the difference between page poems and performance poems. Page poems are written for visual aesthetics and consist of rearranging text and line breaks. Performance poems are focused on how the poem will sound out loud, how it feels to say the words, the syllable count, rhythm, and taking just one chance to explain the story.

    Here are some of my favorite lines in the book, which I have not formatted into the page poems:

    Fragile – “I know the heart can be a fragile and dangerous thing. When it breaks, the ends are often jagged and will cut the hands of people who are just trying to help you clean up the mess. But I also know that pain is nomadic. It doesn’t like to stay in one play for too long. Healing is a slow crawl, but it will find you right where you are.”

    “Fear is when we turn up the volume on everything that might go wrong and then allow it to speak louder than courage.”

    “The past is one of the few things more stubborn than we are. It will not change and doesn’t care if you have a better idea of how the story should’ve ended.

    Healing begins when we stop trying to run backwards on the escalator and embrace whatever will keep us moving forward.”

    “I hope you stumble into the kind of love that bends all the question marks into exclamation points.”

    I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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