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April 2026 Reads

amybenoit

I read 3 books in April. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in April.

“Are You Mad at Me?: How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You” was written by Meg Josephson, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist. This book is about releasing the belief that we need to neglect ourselves for the comfort of other people and included reflection questions after each chapter. I got so much out of this book. Here are some top takeaways:

  • People-pleasing is a trauma response, not a personality trait. It is a survival strategy learned in unsafe environments – often in childhood. Growing up in emotionally volatile environments leads to overthinking, satisfying the threat, fear of disappointing others, and chronic self-blame. Hypervigilance shapes adult anxiety.
  • Fawning is unconsciously moving toward, instead of away from, threatening relationships and situations. The fawn response is about becoming more appealing to the threat, being liked by the threat, satisfying the threat, and being helpful and agreeable to the threat so that you can feel safe. Particularly for women, we’re taught that our main role in life is to please, appease, and sacrifice our needs for the comfort of others.
  • The irony is that, in an unconscious attempt to avoid abandonment, we end up abandoning ourselves. We disconnect from our own emotions, sensations, and needs. When you notice yourself fawning in a situation in which you don’t need to be, ask yourself: What emotion am I trying to protect myself from?
  • Are you feeling resentment? That’s a good sign you’re fawning. Ask yourself: Do I have a need that isn’t getting met? Is there something I need to communicate?

Reconnect with yourself:

  • What uncomfortable emotions am I avoiding?
  • Who am I when I’m not being perceived?
  • Am I saying yes because I want to or because I’m scared this person will be upset if I say no?
  • What do I feel? What do I want? What do I need?
  • Am I avoiding discomfort? Will avoidance prolong suffering?
  • What is my intention in bringing this up: to be heard, a response, or change? What do I want to say and what do I need from this person or myself? If they don’t give me the validation I’m craving, can I give it to myself?

I highly recommend this book to chronic people-pleasers.

5 out of 5 stars

Pagan Kennedy’s “The Secret History of the Rape Kit” looks at the origins of a tool that feels like it should have always been part of forensic work. I went into it thinking I already understood the basics as part of my forensic science courses, but the story behind it is more surprising than I expected. At the center is Martha (Marty) Goddard, the woman who imagined and built the first real system for collecting evidence after sexual assault. Her name is not the one most people know, and this book explains why.

Goddard spent time in the Chicago crime lab in the 1970s and saw that sexual assault cases were not being handled with the same care as other crimes. She decided to change that, and in the mid-1970s, she met with police, talked with hospital administrators, trained nurses, raised money, and oversaw the development of what was arguably the first large-scale and comprehensive rape-kit system in the world.

Here are a few things that stayed with me:

  • In 1978, Marty Goddard launched a pilot program and delivered kits to twenty-five hospitals in the Chicago area. Each kit included slides, swabs, and collection devices for hair and fingernails; a card for the victim with information about where to seek counselling and further medical services; forms that were signed by doctors, nurses, and police officers; and sealing tape and a pencil for writing on the slides. Everyone who handled the kit had to sign the box, which helped protect the chain of custody.
  • Even though Goddard did the research, the design, the fundraising, and the national outreach, a male lab technician named Louis Vitullo became the person publicly credited with the invention. Goddard even agreed to put his name on the system because people trusted a male name more in that field.
  • By 1985, the Vitullo kit was standard in major cities like New York and Chicago. That same year, Marty received a $99,000 grant from the U.S. Department of Justice to travel to 14 states and help them set up rape-kit systems. Marty’s method of reform included sending forensic scientists, prosecutors, and trained nurses to instruct hospital staff on how to collect evidence that would stand up in court.
  • The kit existed long before DNA evidence was used in court. DNA did not become part of courtroom arguments until the late 1980s, which makes Goddard’s work feel even more ahead of its time.

Overall, this book gave me a better understanding of how the rape kit came to be and how easily women’s contributions can be pushed aside. It is a quick and interesting read, especially if you like learning about forensic history or true crime.

4 out of 5 stars

“The Jailhouse Lawyer” was written by Calvin Duncan and Sophie Cull. Calvin is the founder and director of the Light of Justice Program, which works to improve access to the courts for people who are incarcerated. He is also a former jailhouse lawyer at Angola Prison, and his work has contributed to major Supreme Court decisions, including Smith v. Cain and Ramos v. Louisiana. Sophie Cull is a criminal justice reform advocate who has written about the death penalty, life sentences, and prosecutorial misconduct. She is the cofounder of The Visiting Room Project, which created the largest collection of filmed interviews with people serving life without parole.

Calvin was 19 when he was incarcerated for a 1981 New Orleans murder he did not commit. He had an ineffective public defender and a key witness whose testimony was deeply compromised. At 21, he filed his first motion from prison, titled “Motion for a Law Book,” and that moment launched his self-taught legal career. He eventually became an inmate counsel at Angola and helped hundreds of other prisoners navigate their cases.

A few things stood out to me:

  • Calvin had to fight for basic access to police reports and trial transcripts. Many times, he needed people on the outside to help him get even the simplest documents.
  • In December 1991, the Louisiana Supreme Court finally clarified that District Attorney files were subject to public records requests once a conviction and sentence were final. This ruling opened doors that had been closed to him for years.
  • After his exoneration in 2021, Calvin was accepted into law school and graduated at age sixty. His persistence is remarkable.

There were many troubling issues in Calvin’s case that eventually led to his conviction being overturned:

  • the key eyewitness recanted and admitted she had lied under pressure
  • police shaped witness statements to fit their theory
  • information that could have helped Calvin was never shown to the jury
  • no physical evidence connected him to the crime
  • his defense attorney failed to investigate or challenge weak evidence
  • new evidence showed Calvin could not have committed the crime
  • the prosecution’s case was fragile and built on unreliable testimony
  • legal advocates later brought forward the recantation, new evidence, and constitutional arguments that had been ignored for decades
  • the court finally accepted that the combination of false testimony, ineffective counsel, and lack of evidence made the conviction unsound

This book was both intriguing and frustrating. It offers a close look at how wrongful convictions happen and how much work it takes to undo them. If you are interested in criminal justice reform or wrongful convictions, this book is worth reading.

4 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

March 2026 Reads

amybenoit

I read 4 books in March. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in March.

“Nobody Wants Your Sh*t: the art of decluttering before you die” was written by Messie Condo. This book was inspired by The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning and contains funny, unpretentious advice you need to hear most. Here are some main points.

Clutter is nothing but delayed decisions. Delay long enough, and someone else will have to make those decisions. It’s not going to get any easier while you keep accumulating crap. You’re never going to “get around to it.” If you want a clutter-free house, you have to make it a priority, or someone else will be forced to when you’re gone.

A thing is not a memory. It’s just a thing. You can share your memories long after a thing is gone. Ex: people, pets, vehicles, toys. Your need to hold onto things was always about the feelings those things inspired. The things themselves are just conduits.

It’s time to let go of who you used to be and embrace who you are now. Get rid of clothes that haven’t fit you in ages, sports equipment you no longer use, and anything else from your past life. Let go of old dreams and hobbies and make room for new ones.

Stuff that stirs up good memories is only worth the space it’s taking up if you’re able to actively enjoy it. Attics, basements, garages, and storage units are prime locations for lazy clutter – the kind you allow to take up space because it’s not in your direct eyesight nagging you. Just because you have the space to store something doesn’t mean you should. You won’t miss what you haven’t laid eyes on in years. By decluttering from a place of appreciation, you free yourself from the hold your stuff has over you.

Getting rid of stuff you don’t want, need, or use isn’t wasteful. Letting it take up space in your home or keeping it when someone else could be using it is. You paid good $ for it? You paid good $ for your home.

Benefits of declutttering:

  • better sleep and overall mental health
  • more energy and creativity
  • a deeper appreciation for what you have
  • more control over your life
  • fewer arguments with loved ones
  • more self-confidence
  • more time, room, and $ for what you want
  • easier decisions
  • clearer priorities
  • less laundry
  • fewer things to dust = fewer allergens
  • the ability to quickly find what you need
  • a sense of accomplishment
  • a clutter-free space you can be proud of

I highly recommend this book, especially to maximalists.

4 out of 5 stars

“Replaceable You: Adventures in Human Anatomy” was written by Mary Roach, author of seven best-selling works of nonfiction. This book was fascinating, although, admittedly, some parts were a bit over my head. Here are some interesting takeaways:

  • With major burns, surgeons quickly run out of graftable (unburned) skin. Sometimes they have to use the soles of the feet, the scalp, or even the scrotum. Areas that have been harvested can be reharvested after they’re healed, but that can take 2-3 weeks. In the meantime, an allograft (skin from another human, typically a deceased tissue donor) or a xenograft (skin from another species) protects the wound. Eventually, an allograft for a bad burn will be replaced with a permanent graft of the patient’s own skin.
  • China has a lack of organ donors. Also, in China, death is still defined by cessation of the heartbeat rather than by brain death. Thus, the only potential organ donors are terminally ill patients on life support whose families agree to have that support shut off inside an operating room set up for organ recovery. Also, Confucian tenets include reincarnation, so people want to go to heaven with an intact body for the next life.
  • The cornea is one of the few body parts that can be transplanted without strict immune matching because it has no blood vessels.
  • Cataract surgery is one of the most successful medical procedures worldwide, yet access varies dramatically by region.

Skin is the largest organ and one of the hardest to replace because it must stretch, sense, protect, and regulate temperature. Synthetic skin exists but lacks the full functionality of natural skin, especially sweat glands and hair follicles.

Feet are sold separately. A prosthetic foot and ankle attach to a prosthetic leg, and over the foot goes a “foot shell” to fill out a shoe. Shells come in a palette of skin tones, and if you like, you can buy a pair with a space between two toes for wearing sandals. Prosthetists make, fit, and adjust the sockets. The socket is the cup or bucket into which one slides one’s residual limb. A socket will need to be adjusted as the muscles of the residual limb atrophy and if the wearer gains or loses weight. This prevents rubbing, blisters, and ingrown hairs.

Demand for donated human tissue is high. Donors aren’t scarce, but eligible donors are. 96% of people who consent to donating tissue are ruled out because some element of their medical history or social behavior has created an unacceptable risk for the people who would receive their tissue. Regardless of a person’s wishes or the dot on their driver’s license, tissue cannot be recovered until the next of kin has answered the eligibility questions.

I recommend this intriguing book for anyone who wants to learn more about the science of replacing body parts.

4 out of 5 stars

“The Let Them Theory” was written by Mel Robbins and Sawyer Robbins. Mel is a New York Times bestselling author and host/producer of The Mel Robbins podcast, which airs in 194 countries and is one of the top-ranked podcasts in the entire world. I got a lot out of this book and wish I had read it earlier. It would have saved me so much time and energy when I was trying to control things I couldn’t. Here are some key points.

There has been online discussion suggesting that Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory resembles ideas previously shared by other creators. These claims are circulating on social media and in commentary spaces, but they have not been substantiated by verified evidence.

The Let Them Theory is about freedom. It will free you from the burden of trying to manage other people. When you stop obsessing over what people think, say, or do, you finally have the energy to focus on your own life.

If someone is not showing up how you need them to show up, do not try to force them to change. Let Them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. You get to choose what to do next.

  • Humans have a hardwired need for control. No matter how hard you try, you will never be able to control or change another person. The only person you are in control of is you – your thoughts, actions, and feelings.
  • The urge to control things comes from a very primal place: fear. Fear of being excluded, of not being liked, of things falling apart if we’re not in control. Control gives us the illusion of safety. We can’t control people. They will do what they want to do. The more you try to control something you can’t, the more anxious and stressed out you become.
  • It is not your responsibility to manage another adult’s emotional reactions. Most adults have the emotional capacity of an eight-year-old and you can’t change that. Most people have never done the work to understand themselves, heal their past, or manage their own emotions. If they haven’t done that for themselves, they are incapable of doing that for you and showing up in a way that you deserve.

When you say Let Them, you make a conscious decision not to allow other people’s behavior to bother you. You acknowledge that you can’t control the situation.

When you say Let Me, you take responsibility for what you do next. It’s all about self-awareness, compassion, empowerment, and personal responsibility.

Someone is always going to be disappointed by the decisions you make. Don’t let it be you. Don’t let guilt drive your decisions.

  • There are 3 pillars to adult friendship: proximity, timing, and energy.
    • When you say Let Them, you release the need to cling to friendships that no longer serve you, making space for connections that truly matter.
    • When you say Let Me, you take charge of your social life, reaching out, initiating, and cultivating the kind of friendships that reflect your values and bring you happiness.
    • The connection you have with another person rarely breaks. It’s just the proximity and timing that make you lose touch with them.
  • The more you try to rescue someone from their problems, the more likely they will continue to drown in them. When you enable others with your money, words, and actions, you hinder their healing and prolong their suffering, their debt, their breakdown, and in turn, your own. Stop rescuing people and start acting as if you believe in their ability to face them. Teach them that they are capable of doing hard things themselves.
  • People only heal when they are ready to do the work. You will be ready for them to heal before they are. Constantly stepping in to solve their issues creates dependency and frustration and hinders their ability to take responsibility for themselves. Don’t shield them from the consequences of what they choose. $ without condition is enabling.

Let Them be who they are. Let yourself prioritize your own happiness, pursue your dreams with passion, set boundaries that protect your peace, choose relationships that uplift and inspire you, and love yourself enough to walk away when it no longer works.

I highly recommend this book! 4.5 stars

“Pick a Color: a novel” was written by Souvankham Thammavongsa and contained a sharp look at immigrant labor and power but left more to be desired. Here are some things that stood out to me.

  • “In our line of work, you better get used to hearing about babies, affairs, love, married people, weddings. And you better look interested when it comes up.”
  • “A lot of people are mothers, and you don’t get paid for any of it. Seems like a lifetime internship. You never know if you’re doing things right, and someone is always telling you the ways you’re doing it wrong.”

“I live in a world of Susans. I got name tags for everyone who works at this nail salon, and on every one is printed the name Susan. So many girls come and go. I don’t want to bother getting new name tags each time. Besides, you know, it’s never difficult to pronounce a name like Susan. None of our clients notice. They come in and we are ready and set to work. That’s all that matters to them.”

My biggest gripe — which is also, ironically, part of the author’s point — is the deliberate lack of character development and the recurring image of the missing finger. One character, a retired boxer, is repeatedly described as missing a finger, yet the book never explains why. After digging deeper, I learned that the absence is symbolic: a reminder of everything the world doesn’t bother to know about her, and a reflection of how her identity is invisible to others.

This is the novel’s central point: immigrant women are flattened into roles rather than recognized as full people. The interchangeable “Susans,” the sparse backstories, the unexplained injuries . . . all of it underscores how society reduces them to function rather than individuality. Even a character who insists she’s “in charge” does so while kneeling at a client’s feet.

3 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

February 2026 Reads

amybenoit

I read 3 books in February. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in February.

“Win Some, Lose Some: The Trials and Tribulations in the Career of a Trial Lawyer – a memoir” was written by Mark N. Stageberg, who is a Minnesota attorney specializing in personal injury and wrongful death cases. He originally did defense work before transitioning to plaintiff work. Mark has spent his career as a trial lawyer, completed over 175 jury trials, and has had 7 cases with million-dollar jury awards. This book was a candid look at both victories and failures and contained interesting stories of unusual clients, unexpected courtroom twists, and behind-the-scenes legal drama. Here are some of my many takeaways:

The vast majority of the litigation clients who walk into your office do not have cases with all 3 necessary elements for a good lawsuit: good liability, extensive damage, and enough insurance coverage. Cases with good liability and big damages can often be easily resolved with a policy-limit settlement without litigation. The limits of the defendant’s liability insurance coverage govern the outcome of many good liability and damage cases.

What is interesting about pro bono legal work is that many of a lawyer’s promising cases can turn into unintended pro bono work. Payment for plaintiff’s personal injury work is dependent on contingent fees, and if a case isn’t won, it can be a waste of a lot of legal time and money.

An interesting and quite lucrative area of personal injury legal work involves airplane crashes. 4 primary causes for airplane crashes:

  • some mechanical failure (in the plane itself – leading to a product liability claim)
  • some inaccurate or incomplete information from air traffic controllers
  • a maintenance or service error by a mechanic
  • pilot error

The government, through the National Transportation Safety Board, does a thorough investigation of every accident and publishes a report from its experts identifying the probable cause of the crash. Much of the investigation is done by the government, but the case must be put together with privately retained experts.

  • A great source of information on deaths and injuries from consumer products is the Consumer Product Safety Commission and Freedom of Information requests.
  • What you really need for any successful product liability case is an alternative design for the product that, if used, would have led to a different result.

This book contained a couple “hot takes.” These are not my personal opinion or the opinion of my employer.

“A common misperception among the general public is that our judges have some level of superior legal knowledge that justified their appointment as the final arbitrators of our unresolved disputes. Most judges are selected because of political connections unrelated to their experience, expertise, or intellect. The cream of every law school class garners the top law firm positions and after a few years, they’re making more money than the judges in the state or federal courts.”

“Most of the criminal lawyers serving as county attorneys or taking public defender positions were not the top scholars in their law school classes and took those jobs because nothing better had been offered. Prosecuting attorneys have the police, or the FBI and U.S. attorneys in the federal system, to do all of the workup on the cases. The prosecuting attorney only has to present the evidence to the jury and argue that they have met the burden of proof. Similarly, the defense seldom has to prove much of anything and instead sits back and picks away at the prosecution’s witnesses, arguing strenuously that they have not met their burden to prove the defendant guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.”

I think this statement is overly simplified. I respectfully disagree with this perspective.

I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in learning more about the career of a civil attorney.

4 out of 5 stars

“The Last Lecture” was written by Randy Pausch with Jeffrey Zaslow. Randy was a professor at Carnegie Mellon and an award-winning teacher and researcher who had worked with Adobe, Google, Electronic Arts (EA), and Walt Disney Imagineering and pioneered the Alice Project. At the time of this writing, he had ten tumors on his liver and had pancreatic cancer, and he wrote this book with Jeffrey Zaslow to teach his 3 young children what he would have taught them over the next 20 years. Many college professors are asked to consider their demise and to ruminate on what matters most to them. For years, Carnegie Mellon had a “Last Lecture Series” – which was renamed to “Journeys” – reflections on personal and professional journeys. Here are some lessons:

  • When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a bad place to be. You may not want to hear it, but your critics are often the ones telling you they still love you and care about you and want to make you better.
  • Self-esteem – there’s really only one way to teach kids how to develop it: You give them something they can’t do, they work hard until they find they can do it, and you just keep repeating the process.
  • When we send our kids to play organized sports, for most of us, it’s not because we’re desperate for them to learn the intricacies of the sport. What we really want them to learn is far more important: teamwork, perseverance, sportsmanship, the value of hard work, and an ability to deal with adversity.
  • Brick walls are there for a reason. They give us a chance to show how badly we want something.

Time must be explicitly managed, like money.

Look for the best in everybody. If you wait long enough, people will surprise and impress you. In the end, people will show you their good side. Just keep waiting. It will come out.

Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.

This book isn’t quite what I expected. It was more about Randy’s life and career rather than a “Last Lecture Series.” Given that the Last Lecture Series was renamed to “Journeys” – reflections on personal and professional journeys – this book seems to fit that description. Still, this book has some great lessons.

4 out of 5 stars

“How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists” was written by Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at Boston University. The overall theme of this book is that you become “enough” not by perfecting yourself, but by letting go of harsh self‑judgment and recognizing your inherent worth as you already are. Here are some key points.

Clinical perfectionism consists of a hypercritical relationship with oneself and an overidentification with meeting personally demanding standards.

  • Hypercritical relationship with oneself: tend to beat yourself up when you make a mistake, think your work or performance isn’t good enough, shut down or get defensive when criticized, have been told you’re controlling/a micromanager/too picky/too critical/judgmental
  • Overevaluation: overidentify with our performance (work, grades, appearance, home, etc.), set impossible expectations for yourself and then get stressed when you can’t reach them, always working to improve something (health, sleep, wardrobe, social life, etc.). We overidentify with our performance because we’re searching for acceptance and connection.

People-pleasing aims to control other people’s reactions and emotions toward us. What they want is what we want, because we want to avoid devaluation, disapproval, disappointment, and dislike. Of all the people you work so hard to please, be sure to include yourself.

  • We don’t have to be good at something to enjoy it. What’s the value in not being great? Connection. It’s hard to relate to experts. They’re aspirational, not relatable.
  • The opposite of control is trust – trust that we can handle whatever happens, both internally and externally.
  • When self-worth depends on flawless performance, even small mistakes create a cycle of self-doubt and emotional exhaustion. Achievement doesn’t soothe self-doubt. It often raises the bar higher. Self-criticism becomes a default setting. Self-criticism makes us feel inadequate, grinds motivation to a halt, leaves us sensitive to others’ criticism, is stressful, takes the fun out of the process, and hinders connection.

To connect with others, we need to let ourselves be known. Reveal what you think, do, feel, remember, or relate to in order to give your conversation partner something to work with.

Some tools mentioned in the book:

  • Revise the rigid rules. Consider what the rule buys you and what it costs you. Consult your values and what’s meaningful and important to you. Focus on what works given the contest. Consider feasibility and workability. What would work for my goals and values, given this context?
  • Foster positive emotions towards yourself. Failure and positive self-regard are allowed to co-exist. We can’t go through life expecting to make zero mistakes, have zero lapses in judgement, or encounter zero insurmountable challenges.
  • Take stock to understand your procrastination: unrealistic standards? fear of failure? self-criticism? Break tasks down into ridiculously small steps and picture your future self.
  • Move away from all-or-nothing thinking. Try “I’m a (valued trait/quality) person who sometimes (exception).” Examples:
    • I’m a capable person who sometimes screws up.
    • I’m a disciplined person who sometimes lets myself go.
    • I’m a hard worker who procrastinates.
  • Reflect on what people-pleasing is costing you. Identify an opportunity to state an opinion, communicate a need, or set a limit that is meaningful to you. Try it out and consider the results. Rinse and repeat.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is a self-critic or perfectionist!

5 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

5-star book: A Bit Much: Poems

amybenoit

This year, I’d like to post more detailed blogs about some of the books I have read and rated 5 out of 5 stars. Here is the first one.

Book: “A Bit Much: Poems” by Lyndsay Rush

About the author: comedy writer and the poet behind the popular Instagram account @maryoliversdrunkcousin

When I read this book: January 2025

Quotes that stood out to me:

From “Make Like a Tree and Love“: “Scientists have a hunch that trees can become dear friends linking roots to swap resources, bending branches back to share sunlight, shielding each other from the wind. Most of what I know about love boils down to this simple distinction: who stays, and who leaves.”

From “Code Red“: “A great philosopher once said I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes (I saw the sign). But when you see the world through rose-colored glasses, it can be hard to recognize a red flag. So, what I have learned is this: If they’re mean to the waiter, they’ll be mean to you. If they never follow through, they will never show up. If it hurts your stomach, it will hurt your heart. You can’t temper a storm, but you can sure as hell evacuate the beach.”

From “I’m Giving up for Lent“: “What would it feel like to give up self-improvement for forty days? Would the tightness in our chests, throat, shoulders, and hips ease as we contentedly took the easy way out? Would capitalism crumble if we deleted our wish lists and framed the before photo? Sounds holy, if you ask me, to be sold on life as-is, to just exist with only this, only us, only what these two arms can hold.”

From “It’s Amateur Hour Somewhere“: “Starting something new is like a one-man show for a one-man audience; the only applause worth seeking is your own. Don’t rob yourself of that while you wait for approval from somewhere else. Sometimes winning yourself over is the greatest show on earth.”

From “Almond Joys“: “Sometimes all it takes to let joy in is a little reframing. Don’t believe me? Just watch. It’s not a vending machine; it’s an arcade game you always win.”

From “I Am Not Afraid to Be Seen Trying“: “Or changing my mind. Or getting it wrong. Or freestyling instead of learning the routine. I’m not afraid of self-promotion or making a big deal out of it . . . I’m not afraid of low like counts or pissing off the algorithm of content that flops. And I’m not afraid to be cringe, or extra, or A Bit Much. Sure, there are things I’m scared of – like sharks and blond beards and talking to strangers on the phone – but of all the monsters under my bed, the only thing I truly fear is letting fear get in between me and anything I really want.”

“Reassurances to Save for a Rainy Day“: “If cauliflower can be pasta, you can be whatever you want.”

From “Top Down, Cruising in My Own Lane“: “I slip the Do Not Disturb sign onto the doorknob of my life. I’ve got important work to do: minding my own business accommodating my whims. Guarding my joy: nose buried in the story only I can tell.”

From “Wild Goose Chase“: “When your surroundings begin to feel cold and uninhabitable and your environment no longer offers the support or sustenance you need, I hope you migrate. I hope, as you make your way south, that you find other silly geese to fly with too – in such a tight-knit formation that Wikipedia would refer to your crew as plump. And I hope that no matter how long the journey takes you, the wind is always at your back; nudging you closer to home.”

There are many other essays I really enjoyed that I did not quote here. I highly recommend this book to anyone!

5 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

January 2026 Reads

amybenoit

I read 4 books in January. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in January.

“101 Essays that will Change the way You Think” was written by Brianna Wiest and was recommended by a friend. This book was a thought-provoking collection of reflections to inspire deeper self-awareness and intentional living. Here are some takeaways:

  • Your habits create your mood, and your mood is a filter through which you experience your life. You must learn to let your conscious decisions dictate your day, not your fears or impulses. Learning to craft routine is the equivalent of learning to let your conscious choices about what your day will be about guide you, letting all the other temporary crap fall to the wayside. Routine consistently reaffirms a decision you already made.
  • Identify what your addictions are keeping you distracted from. Understand that addiction is a disconnection from yourself, and a disconnection from yourself is born of something present that you think you can’t face.
  • Stop eating foods you don’t like, keeping plans you don’t want, staying digitally connected with people who annoy you, hoarding clothes for a “someday” that never comes, and putting your life on hold for someone who does not want to commit. The amount of life we waste gathering and holding onto the things that will never really serve us keeps us away from the things that bring us joy and purpose and meaning.

Choose not to be harmed, and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed, and you haven’t been.

If you lived today on repeat forever, where would you be? What would you have accomplished? Would you be thriving at work? Would you have made time for the people you love? Your life exists in its days, not your ideas about those days.

I highly recommend this book. I took away many lessons from this book. Two essays really stood out to me as I’ve felt self-conscious about my changing body: “101 Things That Are More Important Than What Your Body Looks Like” and “The Little Things You Don’t Realize Are Affecting How You Feel About Your Body.”

5 out of 5 stars

“Sticky Notes: Memorable Lessons From Ordinary Moments” was written by Matt Eicheldinger, whose stories on social media take viewers through hundreds of memories he has collected over the years. Matt wrote down 15 years of daily interactions between himself, students, and families. This book shows how small, everyday moments between teachers and students – captured through years of classroom stories – reveal the profound impact of empathy, encouragement, and human connection. Here are some lessons:

  • Heartbreak can be hard, especially when it’s new. When we witness this with friends, family, or students, we often feel a drive to fix and solve, but sometimes you don’t have to do any of those things. Sometimes you just have to be present.
  • We forget how many parents are figuring out parenting for the first time, and that can feel pretty overwhelming, especially if it’s not going well. Just because a child’s behavior isn’t changing doesn’t mean parents aren’t doing anything about it. Sometimes it just means they don’t know what to do, and that’s an opportunity to show grace and understanding and offer help where we can.
  • We often try to give people space when we think they are in a bad mood, but maybe that’s not always the right move. Maybe they just need to be given a genuine dose of kindness to bring them back.

Measuring success is different for everyone, and you can’t be the judge of it.

You can surround yourself with all kinds of people, but true friends will surround you when you need them the most.

Memories are kind of like key chains, aren’t they? I wonder how many of us have forgotten to truly live the experience rather than just collecting them.

When we have a problem or conflict, we tend to look at others to blame, when in reality, maybe the first place we need to look is at ourselves.

I highly recommend this book. It’s an easy read filled with short stories and life lessons.

5 out of 5 stars


“The Forgotten Sense: The New Science of Smell and the Extraordinary Power of the Nose” was written by Jonas Olofsson, a professor of psychology at Stockholm University, where he directs the Sensory Cognitive Interaction Lab. Jonas has researched the sense of smell for 20 years. Here are some key facts from the book.

Smelling is an intellectual process that starts in the brain. Olfactory processes are shaped by expectations and experiences, which in turn carry with them life experiences and cultural conventions that we are often unaware of.

The sense of smell has a back door to the brain through the throat. So, when we eat and drink, we smell both through our nose and our throat. Odors are released in the mouth when we eat, stimulating the olfactory receptors in the nasal cavity. The smells that enter the nasal cavity via the throat are important to what we call “flavors.” We tend to think they are tastes being perceived in the mouth, when in fact it is the sense of smell working in disguise.

The same smell can be perceived differently depending on whether the olfactory stimulus enters through the nose or from inside the mouth via the pharynx.

Some people have an extreme sensitivity to smell, while others are insensitive to the same odorant. Comparing people who appear to have a perfectly normal sense of smell, it can sometimes take up to 100,000 times more odor molecules for the most insensitive person to detect an odor that the most sensitive person can smell very easily. Something I was most surprised by is that chemically sensitive people do not have particularly sensitive noses. They have sensitive brains. Our brains create expectations that can sometimes be so vivid that they are hard to distinguish from real-life smells. The brain makes predictions and creates stress responses that become overwhelming.

Which smells we love and hate depend largely on the associations, thoughts, and feelings they evoke.

The only method recommended by the world’s leading experts to rehabilitate the sense of smell is olfactory training – smelling things like lemon, eucalyptus, rose, and clove – repeatedly – for months. Thankfully, this helped me rehabilitate my sense of smell after having long COVID-19.

I recommend this book to anyone wanting to learn more about the sense of smell.

4 out of 5 stars

“Dark Wire: The Incredible True Story of the Largest Sting Operation Ever” by Joseph Cox is a gripping piece of investigative journalism from the world’s leading reporter on the Anom story. Joseph Cox has built his career exposing the inner workings of organized crime and the surveillance programs designed to track it, and this book shows exactly why he’s earned that reputation. Drawing on interviews with fugitives wanted by the FBI, members of organized criminal groups, convicted traffickers, law enforcement officials across multiple countries, and even the coders and sellers behind encrypted phone networks, the author reconstructs an operation that feels almost too bold to be real.

  • After the FBI shut down Phantom Secure, an encrypted phone network favored by criminal organizations, agents realized those same users would soon be searching for a new platform to hide their communications. Their solution was bold: create that platform themselves.
  • The result was Anom, a supposedly secure phone system promising untraceable chats, hidden communication tools, and discreet photo‑editing features. What its users didn’t know was that the entire network was an FBI‑run trap quietly logging every message and image.
  • To navigate legal and jurisdictional limits, the U.S. had Lithuania collect Anom messages and pass them along, while Australian authorities—unrestricted by U.S. privacy laws—monitored the devices for threats to life.

Meanwhile, Anom distributors, unaware they were helping a federal sting, put the phones into the hands of criminals around the world. In a shocking twist, many of those same distributors were later charged under the RICO Act for allegedly selling devices to criminals and issuing wipe commands when phones were seized.

Impact:

  • 12,000 Anom devices worldwide in 100+ countries
  • Law enforcement captured and reviewed 27 million messages from these devices.
  • 1,000 arrests globally as a result of the information gathered via Anom and related operations.
  • 8+ tons of cocaine, 22 tons of marijuana, 2 tons of meth, 250+ firearms, $48 million in cash, and 17 tons of precursor chemicals used to make drugs were seized.
  • 50+ clandestine drug labs dismantled during the operation

This was a fascinating book. In addition to recounting an unprecedented sting, it raises questions about privacy and the future of digital surveillance. I recommend this book to anyone interested in true crime, cybersecurity, or the evolving tactics of global law enforcement.

4 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

December 2025 Reads

amybenoit

I read 5 books in December. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in December.

“It’s Not Hysteria: Everything You Need to Know About Your Reproductive Health But Were Never Told” was written by Karen Tang, MD, MPH, a board-certified gynecologist and minimally invasive gynecologic surgeon who is an internationally recognized leader in reproductive health. You can find her on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube at KarenTangMD.

This book was a very informative overview of the symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment for many gynecologic conditions, such as fibroids, endometriosis, PCOS, ovarian cysts, pelvic floor dysfunction, pelvic organ prolapse, urinary continence, sexual dysfunction, vulvar skin conditions, infertility, and ovarian cancer. Here are some of my main takeaways:

Unfortunately, even when people do bring up concerns with their doctor, they may receive unhelpful advice such as ‘You just need to relax‘ or ‘Try having a glass of wine.’ No amount of wine in the world will fix vulvodynia, vaginismus, endometriosis, vaginal dryness, or any of the conditions that can cause pain with sex, let alone the other physical and psychosocial causes of sexual dysfunction.

When people are dealing with general gynecologic problems, there aren’t any fixed treatment pathways. People with the exact same symptoms can have completely different healthcare goals and may choose very different treatment plans. You are the only one who can decide what quality of life means for you and what will best to help you achieve it.

  • Consider: goals for treatment, thoughts regarding medications, preferences in terms of surgery, thoughts regarding fertility, what would influence your decision to pursue one treatment versus another, and how you want your healthcare provider to discuss treatment options with you.

Since gynecologic conditions such as endometriosis, pelvic floor dysfunction, and premenstrual dysphoric disorder can cause a wide range of symptoms but don’t show up on imaging studies or lab tests, patients are often told by doctor after doctor that there is nothing wrong with them and that the problem must be emotional or mental. Sadly, this is our twenty-first-century version of hysteria.

I highly recommend this book to all women who want to learn more about gynecologic issues!

5 out of 5 stars

“The Visual MBA: Two Years of Business School Packed Into One Priceless Book of Pure Awesomeness” was written by Jason Barron, MBA and contained two years of business school packaged into one highly illustrated book. Jason took sketch notes during business school and captured the main points visually. Each chapter is based upon traditional business school classes. This is a great book for visual learners. Although I can’t recreate the illustrations, here are some lessons:

4 C’s of team performance:

  • context
    • includes the reward system, goals, culture, tone, and environment that the team will be working in
  • composition
    • includes who is on the team and their skills and personalities to get the job done. This is where hiring the right people who mesh with the team is critical.
  • competencies
    • includes having the right people whose combined skill can solve the problem. It’s about setting the right goal and leveraging the team’s skill to achieve it.
  • change
    • includes the team’s ability to adapt to rapidly changing circumstances while working towards the goal.

First rule of marketing: You don’t try to serve everybody. Marketing makes its money in segmentation. Who is your customer, and who is not? Ask your biggest fans what they like (a particular feature), why they like it (product benefit), why that matters (personal benefit), and how that connects to a high-level personal value. A good way to find out if you have a good product is to ask people if they would buy it and for how much.

Appeal to a customer segment, find a base of segmentation, and the competition’s advertising will have no effect. Be so amazing that customers naturally prefer you.

  • Bases of differentiation: image, hunger, comfort, cleanliness, beauty, status, style, taste, safety, quality, service, accuracy, further a cause, reliability, nostalgia, belonging

I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn more about business, marketing, and entrepreneurship!

5 out of 5 stars

“Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship” was written by Stephen Snyder, M.D., one of America’s most trusted authorities on sex and relationships. This book was recommended to me. This book is about sexual feelings, not the best sex techniques. Here are some takeaways that I’m comfortable posting on this blog:

  • Sex is emotion in motion. Desire, arousal, and connection are deeply tied to how we feel, not just what we do. Emotional states shape sexual experiences.
  • Great sex happens when you’re fully present, emotionally attuned, and responsive – not when you’re trying to impress or meet expectations.
  • Desire often follows connection. Desire frequently emerges after emotional closeness, shared presence, and feeling understood.

This is not a book I would typically read, but I would recommend this book for those interested in deepening emotional connection and improving relationship quality, rather than those looking for quick tips or explicit advice.

4 out of 5 stars

“Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life’s Purpose” was written by Martha Beck, a Harvard-trained sociologist, New York Times bestselling author, world-renowned life coach, and speaker. This book covered how to handle your biological and psychological tendency to get anxious (“calming the creature”), activate the creative self, and how to “commingle with creation” (too woo-woo for me). Admittedly, this book had some helpful lessons, but parts of it were a bit too woo-woo for me in that the author frames anxiety as a spiritual misalignment and emphasizes “awakening.” The author is also very critical of religion. Here are some lessons I found helpful:

  • You can create a calming scene by selectively focusing on certain memories, perceptions, and fantasies, but that’s exactly the same thing you’re doing when you see the world as frightening and unsafe.
  • Anxiety spirals pull us away from the world. Creativity spirals pull us into it. Follow your interest curiosity. Get creative and enhance your right-hemisphere capabilities. Do Sudoku, art, projects, or anything creative. Carve out time each day to learn more about this item and think of it as the center of your day. Calm your anxiety and sort through your priorities. Calming our anxiety and focusing on creativity can help us reconnect with our whole brains and bring us enormous happiness.

Steps to calm your anxiety:

  • Calm yourself. When life gets difficult, choose your favorite calming exercises and use them.
  • Wander around. Wandering leads to wondering.
  • Let your mind catch fire. Witness things that grab your curiosity intensely and pull you into deep exploration.
  • Practice deeply. To gain skills and open up access to the genius of your brain, start by finding some skill or activity that interests you so much you want to master it. Watch people who do this thing extremely well and try to replicate it.
  • Get stuck. Hitting an impasse awakens your creative genius.

Anxiety always lies. Healthy fear is the truth: a clear impulse to act when faced with danger. Anxiety is only a thought: the fear when the threat isn’t present.

4 out of 5 stars

“There Is No Place For Us: Working and Homeless in America” was written by journalist Brian Goldstone and is a deeply reported, eye-opening narrative. Goldstone cites 364 sources and spent years embedded with the families whose lives shape this book. It follows the unforgettable stories of five working families in Atlanta and reveals how easily housing instability can overtake people who are employed, responsible, and trying to survive.

  • Homelessness is no longer about unemployment. Homelessness is driven more by wages that don’t match rent, insecure gig-style employment, and no margin for illness, car trouble, or childcare gaps. Evictions play a central role. One eviction triggers years of instability.
  • After an eviction, families are often locked out of traditional housing altogether. With no landlord willing to rent to them, they are pushed into weekly motels that cost two to three times market rent, while simultaneously losing savings, credit, work hours, transportation, and stability.
  • Currently 11.4 million low-income households are classified as “severely cost burdened,” spending, on average, an astounding 78% of their earnings on rent alone.
  • Atlanta – between 2010 and 2023, median rents soared by 76%, and the metro area lost a staggering 60,000 apartments renting for $1,250 or less. The problem is not so much a lack of new housing as the kind of housing that is being built. Over the past decade, 94% of the thousands of apartments added to the city’s rental market have been luxury units.

In order to get housing aid, you have to be considered literally homeless, which means you’re in a shelter or on the street. Most family shelters don’t allow boys over the age of 13, which fractures family stability.

I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking an honest picture of homelessness in America and an understanding of the structural forces behind it.

5 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

November 2025 Reads

amybenoit

I read 3 books in November. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in November.

“You Gotta Eat” was written by Margaret Eby, a deputy food editor for the Philadelphia Inquirer. This book contained ideas for living deliciously without impossible effort. Here are some of the many ideas from the book:

  • Season mac and cheese with Old Bay seasoning, taco seasoning, Cajun seasoning, or ranch seasoning. Even better: add ground hamburger and taco seasoning.
  • For theatre-style popcorn, add Flavacol.
  • Baked potato topping ideas: Cajun seasoning, curry powder, taco seasoning, or chili crisp

3-ingredient sauce formulas:

  • stir-fry sauce: 4 tbsp soy sauce, 1 tbsp sriracha, and 1 tbsp brown sugar
  • sauce for sheet pan vegetables: 2 tbsp tahini (or 1 tbsp peanut butter and 1 tbsp water), 2 tbsp hoisin sauce, and 2 tbsp water
  • Thai-inspired sauce: 1 tbsp brown sugar, 1 tbsp fish sauce, and 1 tbsp lime juice

This book was an easy read and contained easy recipe ideas.

4 out of 5 stars

“Justice: What’s the Right Thing to Do?” was written by Michael J. Sandel, who has taught political philosophy to Harvard undergraduates for over three decades. This book was a journey in moral and political reflection and invites readers to subject their own views about justice to critical examination and to figure out what they think and why. This book relates the big questions of political philosophy to the most vexing issues of our time. Here are some of the main ideas:

  • utilitarianism = maximize utility/happiness and prevent pain or suffering. Utilitarianism fails to respect individual rights.
    • Ex: in ancient Rome, they threw Christians to the lions in the Coliseum for the amusement of the crowd.
  • libertarianism = libertarians favor unfettered markets and oppose government regulation, not in the name of economic efficiency but in the name of human freedom.
    • Libertarians oppose laws to protect people from harming themselves and believe that these laws violate the rights of the individual to decide what risks to assume.
      • Ex: seatbelt laws
    • Libertarians oppose using the coercive force of law to promote notions of virtue or to express the mora convictions of the majority.
      • Ex: prostitution laws
    • Libertarians object to Social Security, minimum wage laws, employment discrimination laws, and occupational licensing requirements. The libertarian sees a moral continuity from taxation (taking my earnings) to forced labor (taking my labor) to slavery (denying that I own myself).
  • Kant’s critical philosophy/enlightenment = the moral worth of an action consists not in the consequences that flow from it, but in the intention from which the act is done. What matters is doing the right thing because it’s right, not for some ulterior motive.
    • Universalize your maxim. Think “What if everybody did that?”
  • John Rawls – equality = the way to think about justice is to ask what principles we would choose in an original position of equality, behind a veil of ignorance.

When engaging in public discourse about justice and rights, we must abide by the limits of liberal public reason. To check whether we are following public reason, we might ask: How would our argument strike us presented in the form of a Supreme Court opinion? Like Supreme Court justices, we should set aside our moral and religious convictions and restrict ourselves to arguments that all citizens can reasonably be expected to accept.

This book contained thought-provoking examples to critically analyze what you think and why.

4 out of 5 stars

“Anatomy of a Con Artist: the 14 Red Flags to Spot Scammers, Grifters, and Thieves” was written by Emmy-winning former TV reporter and current reality TV producer Johnathan Walton. He is also a host, writer, and executive producer of the hit podcast Queen of the Con and was unfortunately the victim of a con artist. This book contained 14 red flags of con artists and detailed examples of several real cases, including the con artist who scammed him. Here are some main takeaways:

  • “I just want to help.” Con artists are rescue merchants. They will suddenly show up when there’s a problem or a disaster or unrest. They’ve learned that if they can offer a solution to a major problem someone’s having, the person in trouble will focus exclusively on the offered solution, and it’ll blind them to everything else – ultimately enabling the con artist to scam them.
  • Con artists don’t outsmart you. They out-feel you. One of the biggest ways con artists trick you into giving them money is by using invented drama.
  • Once you wire your money to someone, unless you catch it very quickly and alert the bank that there’s a problem, that money is gone forever. Con artists love wires because the transactions are quick and permanent. Never send wires!
  • Dale Carnegie techniques con artists use:
    • “Arise in the other person an eager want.”
    • “To be interesting, be interested.” Con artists learn as much about you as possible as fast as they can.
    • “Dramatize your ideas.”
    • “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” They use your name a lot in conversations.

If you suddenly realize that you are the victim of a con artist, you need to create a timeline with details of what happened. Pitching a criminal case to the police is a lot like pitching a show to a television executive. You have to make it compelling, succinct, easy to follow, easy to understand, and impossible to ignore.

  • When and how did you meet this person? What stories did they tell you and on what dates? When did the money change hands? Why did you give them money? What was the lie or lies they told you? How and when did you figure out they were lying?
  • Gather up and print all of the texts and emails.
  • Do a criminal and civil case search on court websites, PACER, or BeenVerified.com.
  • Reach out to people who know this con artist and tell them you were scammed. Ask if they or anyone they know was scammed.
  • Write a sworn affidavit and get it notarized.
  • Rehearse your speech before going to law enforcement and come with all evidence.
  • Call the police frequently and ask for an update.

I highly recommend this book to learn about the red flags of con artists to watch out for!

5 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

October 2025 Reads

amybenoit

I read 6 books in October! Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in October.

“Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues” was written by David Bradford and Carole Robin, who have taught interpersonal skills to MBA candidates in their legendary Stanford Graduate School of Business Course, Interpersonal Dynamics, and have coached and consulted hundreds of executives for decades. This book was a transformative guide to building more fulfilling relationships and focused on cultivating authenticity vulnerability, and honesty while being willing to ask for and offer help, share a commitment to growth, and deal productively with conduct. I learned so much from this book. Here are just a few takeaways:

Exceptional relationships involve mutual commitment, a steady and ongoing process of increasing self-disclosure, stretching beyond your comfort zone, and seeing setbacks as something to explore and learn from rather than as a reason to retreat.

Feedback is the breakfast of champions. Feedback starts a conversation. It doesn’t end it. Building relationships where each person feels free to give and ask for feedback is key both to preventing pinches from becoming crunches and to helping each person develop in new and more effective ways.

  • Intent = needs, motives, emotions, and intentions
  • Behavior = words, tone, gestures, facial expressions
  • Impact

Each person can initially only know 2 of the 3 realities. You have to stay on your side of the net. You may know their behavior and impact, but you don’t know their intent. Sooner or later, the other person will tell you (or continuously show you).

This is just a glimpse of the many lessons in this book. This book caused me to reflect on some of my past friendships and what exceptional friendships should consist of. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn more about building exceptional relationships and being a better friend, coworker, and partner.

5 out of 5 stars

“We’ve Decided to Go in a Different Direction: Essays” was written by Tess Sanchez, who spent more than 20 years in the entertainment industry as a casting director. This book was funny, insightful, and contained amusing essays that examine the aftermath of a major life shift that took the author from fully in control and plunged her into unfamiliar chaos. This book examines how we claim our identity and how we choose to define ourselves. This was an easier read. Here are some lessons:

  • Water the flowers, not the weeds. Nurture and grow the good in your life, and dehydrate the weeds.
  • The key to success, fulfillment, and happiness is flexibility – embracing the now – however that may look.
  • Career loss isn’t the end. It’s a pivot point. It can be painful, but also freeing.
  • Identity is bigger than your job title. Rediscover who you are outside of your professional role.
  • Resilience is messy, not linear. Change comes with backslides, confusion, and emotional turbulence.

One of my favorite lessons from this book is the concept of a “painful favor.” The author used the phrase “painful favors” to describe pivotal moments in her life that felt harsh and disruptive at the moment but ultimately led to personal growth and new opportunities. I love this concept, and there have been several “painful favors” in my life that I am grateful for.

4 out of 5 stars

“Reconnected” was written by Carlos Whittaker, a bestselling author and storyteller who averaged 7 hours 23 minutes a day on his phone before this experiment. Carlos went screen-free for 7 weeks to see what screen time was doing to his head, hands, and heart; he spent 2 weeks with Benedictine monks, 2 weeks with Amish in Ohio, and 3 weeks at home with family. I enjoyed reading about his experiment. Here are some of the many lessons:

  • We don’t wonder any more. How many times are you in a conversation when somebody wonders something only to stop wondering because they can look it up on their phone? We’ve lost the ability to not know, and we now feel like we must know everything. We can’t, but we feel like we need to. If we can’t admit that we don’t know something, suddenly we are creating experts who aren’t actually experts. Ex: TikTok
  • Recovering our ability to have regular solitude is so important for our mental health and overall well-being. Let your mind wander, do a digital detox, and experiment with tech-free hobbies.
  • How many times do we pull out our phones when we get uncomfortable with our present circumstances? Jesus made a habit of being fully present with people that hardly anyone wanted to be present with. Our presence has the ability to change not only our lives but the lives of others. You could change another’s life – someone that you might not even notice if you weren’t looking up.
  • The table is one of the most intimate settings we have for sharing our lives. The table is one of the best tools we have to get to know someone well and to discover the heart of somebody. Try going phone-free and allotting more time for meals.

Not every argument is worth having and not every comment deserves a rebuttal. Choose where to invest your energy. Respond with reason, not with rage.

One of the most interesting lessons was that the Amish allow some pieces of technology that aren’t going to grow them apart. They weigh the potential value of every piece of new technology before allowing it. Community is more important than anything else. They don’t think cars are evil, but they know that if they started using cars, their community would no longer be a community.

This book was intriguing and filled with lessons about the impact of technology.

5 out of 5 stars

“The Not-Quite States of America” was written by Minnesota author Doug Mack. This book was boring at times and reads like a history textbook. This book covered some interesting tidbits about the territories of the Virgin Islands of the United States, American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, and Puerto Rico. Here are some facts:

  • Residents of the territories cannot vote for president. They can run for president.
  • The Virgin Islands of the United States (USVI) are heavily reliant on tourism and imported goods. Agriculture is only 1% of USVI’s overall budget. With the blessing of the U.S. Treasury and Congress, the islands offer a 90% reduction in U.S. corporate and personal income taxes. The appeal of the USVI for the United States was its utility as a coaling station.
  • People born in American Samoa are U.S. nationals, not U.S. citizens, making them the only group on U.S. soil without automatic citizenship. To gain citizenship rights, they must become naturalized like any immigrant. Tuna canning is the largest private-sector employer. American Samoans who oppose birthright citizenship value 3 traditions that might be deemed unconstitutional:
    • The Native Land Ordinance – only individuals with at least 50% Samoan blood may own native land
    • Matai-only Senate – traditional chiefs, not elected by popular vote
    • Sa – the roads are closed when prayer time is observed in some villages
  • Military bases occupy nearly 1/3 of Guam’s land, but much of this land is not actively used by the military; the military simply controls the land.
  • The Northern Mariana Islands (CNMI) rely heavily on tourism and foreign labor. The Northern Mariana Islands are a U.S. commonwealth, meaning the residents are U.S. citizens, but CNMI has local self-government, including its own constitution, legislature, and governor. The U.S. Congress selectively applies some federal laws.
  • Puerto Ricans are U.S. citizens but can’t vote for president. Puerto Rico has 10x more people than all the other territories combined. The Spanish and American cultures intertwine, creating a unique identity.

3 out of 5 stars

“Secrets of Adulthood: Simple Truths For Our Complex Lives” was written by Gretchen Rubin, who has authored many books and hosts the top-ranking, award-winning podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin. This book was not quite what I anticipated. It contained valuable information, but it was more like a listicle or what you may find in a fortune cookie. Here are some “secrets” of adulthood:

  • If you find it hard to take good care of yourself, care for yourself like a toddler: Don’t let yourself get too hungry, too tired, too uncomfortable, too bored, too lonely, or too overwhelmed.
  • The traffic changes, the weather changes, yet the same people are always late, and the same people are always on time.
  • More trial, more error – and more accomplishment.
  • Nothing is more exhausting than the task that’s never started.
  • By giving something up, we may gain. Briefly depriving ourselves of a pleasure often has one of two good results: either it reawakens our enjoyment or reveals that we’re happier when we don’t indulge.
  • If we take the credit, we must accept the blame.
  • Don’t buy things until you need them. Store things at the store.
  • If you can’t think of a topic of conversation, ask, “What’s keeping you busy these days?”

3 out of 5 stars

“Cue the Sun!: The Invention of Reality TV” was written by Pulitzer prize-winning New Yorker author Emily Nussbaum. The book covered the history of reality tv, starting from its contentious roots in radio, and Emily conducted in-depth interviews with more than 300 sources to gather information for this book. Here are some key points:

  • Reality TV didn’t just appear. It evolved from radio call-ins, prank shows, and experimental documentaries.
  • Reality TV thrives on presenting “real life” while heavily manipulating footage. This results in ethical dilemmas. Producers edit raw footage to craft narratives and often distort reality. This raises questions about consent, exploitation, and how much “truth” audiences really want.
  • The launch of Survivor in 2000 marked reality TV’s explosion into mainstream dominance. It taught networks that unscripted formats could be cheap to produce yet massively profitable.
  • Reality TV influences politics and celebrity culture. As an example, Donald Trump leverages reality TV fame from The Apprentice into political power.

Some interesting tidbits:

  • By the 1960s, Candid Camera had become a major hit on radio, but on TV, the show’s subjects weren’t anonymous anymore. Some laughed, others got angry, and many experienced a messy blend of feelings.
  • The Dating Game required no background checks. One of the show’s winners, Rodney Alcala, turned out to be a serial killer, was also a convicted sex offender, and paroled twice. At the time he filmed his segment, he was in the midst of a murder spree.
  • The People’s Court was the first television show to feature binding arbitration.
  • America’s Funniest Home Videos was unusually easy to produce since it relied on videotapes sent in by viewers and filmed on camcorders. It cost ABC almost nothing – no actors, directors, or stunt professionals. Together with America’s Funniest Home Videos, Cops jump-started the reality genre, which had been static for nearly a decade.

Survivor was the first series to take the reality genre mainstream in the United States. It stood out because it united 3 key traditions: prank show, game show, and real-life soap opera.

  • By 2002, casting a reality show had become a science, down to the thick contracts contestants signed, granting editors total control. There was also a natural next step after the finale aired: move to Los Angeles.
  • In 2006, with the rise of The Real Housewives, cast members of reality shows began to identify as influencers, viewing themselves as performers and collaborators, brand representatives of the shows they appeared in.

4 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

September 2025 Reads

amybenoit

I read 4 books in September. I really enjoyed the books I read, and I gave 3 out of the 4 5-star ratings! Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in September.

“Open When: A Companion for Life’s Twists and Turns” was written by Dr. Julie Smith, who has over 10 years of experience as a clinic psychologist and is one of TikTok’s top 100 creators. You can find Dr. Julie on Instagram/TikTok/Youtube at drjulie. This book covered advice for navigating anger, setting boundaries, comparison, confidence, friendships, parenting, arguing, seeking help, overwhelm, priorities, grief, apologies, and much more. Here are some of the many insights that resonated with me.

Whether it’s the good news or the bad, if you have to keep parts of your life under wraps to fit in, that’s not a friendship that is going to nourish and bring out the best in you. Search for acceptance and belonging in the right places. Consider: Is this a place I truly want to belong? Would being recognized as part of this group be a positive in my life? How much of myself, my beliefs, or my values would I be expected to change in order to be accepted? Is that okay with me?

Comparison can lead to constructive forward motion and be a good thing. If it leads to envy, resentment, bitterness, and a loss of self-worth, then we are getting it all wrong, and both our efforts and our attention have been misplaced. Questions to ask yourself: What do I feel envious of specifically? What specific skills do they have that I would like to have also? Would learning those skills help me with achieving my own goals? How did they get there? Can I imitate any of that process to help me get closer to my personal goals?

Confidence is the bus that never arrives while you sit waiting. It usually makes an appearance after you have decided to walk and you’re almost at your destination. So get to work on making some progress, and the bus will likely arrive once you’re a little way down the road.

I highly recommend this book!

5 out of 5 stars

“The Cure for Burnout” was written by Emily Ballesteros, who has a burnout management coaching business. This book outlines five areas in which you can build healthy habits to combat burnout: mindset, personal care, time management, boundaries, and stress management. I learned so much from this book. Here is just a snippet.

  • Burnout is a state of exhaustion, stress, or misalignment with the direction your life is heading in for an extended period of time. Tangibly, burnout will consume your calendar, sabotage your relationships, and harm your physical health. Intangibly, it will steal the best years of your life while you have your head down in survival mode. It will destroy your mental health and cause exhaustion and possibly depression.
  • There are three kinds of burnout, and people can suffer from more than one type:
    • burnout by volume – burnout as a result of a high volume of responsibilities, a compact schedule, and very little downtime
    • social burnout – burnout as a result of interpersonal demands that exceed your available social resources – these people become the person everyone confides in, vents to, or asks for favors because they are pleasant and reliable
    • burnout by boredom – burnout as a result of chronic disengagement and disinterest in the items in your life

Think of personal care as the equivalent of getting gas on a road trip: there is never a convenient time to stop. The personal care pillar mandates that we go out of our way, stop to refuel, and sacrifice the time we could spend “productively” on something else.

  • Think of your minimum non-negotiables – getting a minimum amount of sleep, eating food at certain intervals, getting movement, having alone time, etc.
  • To manage stress, pause/postpone projects that you’ve loved but are currently bringing more stress than joy, simplify projects, delegate/outsource tasks, and quit doing unnecessary tasks.
  • Set boundaries. What boundaries might help reinforce the changes you want to make?

This book was packed with information, and I highly recommend it!

5 out of 5 stars

“The Note” was written by Alafair Burke, an Edgar-nominated New York Times bestselling author of fifteen novels of suspense and professor of Criminal Law. The main storyline of this book is that a vacation in the Hamptons went terribly wrong for three friends with a complicated history. A prank involving a mysterious note led to a missing tourist and a police investigation, unraveling layers of secrets and betrayals. I don’t typically read fiction books, and I won’t spoil this one. Overall, it was an interesting changeup from the books I typically read. This book kept me interested, but it contained overloaded themes of cancel culture, racism, anti-Asian hate, true crime obsession, and more. It seemed that the author wanted to mention many different issues in the book.

4 out of 5 stars

“Build the Life You Want” was written by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey. Arthur C. Brooks is a professor at Harvard Business School and teaches courses on happiness and is also an acclaimed author and speaker. Oprah Winfrey is a global media leader and public figure. This book covered the four big happiness pillars: family, friendships, work, and faith. Here are some of my many takeaways:

  • Ask yourself the good questions: What does living well mean – for me, not according to someone else’s model – and how do I do it? What is genuinely worth striving for? What can I offer, and how can I serve? What lessons can I glean from my experiences, especially the toughest ones? How do I make the best use of my limited time on this earth?
  • Stop caring what others think. “We all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinions than our own.” “Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner.”
  • The key to finding meaningful work is to feel a sense of accomplishment and to believe that your job is making the world a better place. Look for a fundamental match between an employer’s values and your own. At the same time, put some space between your job and your life, and make friends and spend time with people who have no connection to your work.

Our impulses, amplified by the consumer economy, entertainment, and social media push us to spend our time idolizing money, power, pleasure, and prestige. These idols all stand in the way of enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose. They substitute pleasure for enjoyment, make satisfaction harder to attain and keep, and focus us on things that are trivial and not meaningful. The four idols are distractions to numb us to emotional circumstances we dislike and feel we can’t control.

I highly recommend this book for those interested in learning more about finding happiness in family, friendships, work, and faith.

5 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

August 2025 Reads

amybenoit

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on this blog since I have had other priorities. I read 2 books in August and gave myself permission to quit 2 other books – a true act of self-care. Previously, I didn’t allow myself to not finish books. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in August.

“The Ritual Effect: Unlocking the Extraordinary Power of the Ordinary” was written by Michael Norton, professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School. Here are some main takeaways:

The essence of habit is the what – something we do – brush our teeth, go to the gym, pay bills, etc. The essence of ritual is the how. It matters to us not simply that we complete the action but the specific way that we complete it. When rituals are disrupted, people report feeling “off” all day.

Some rituals become so intricate that the ritual interferes instead of prepares. Ex: performance rituals – baseball players engage in an average of 83 movements when batting.

Rituals and repetition can be powerful tools for honing our self-control, but ritualistic behavior can, over time, start to control us instead. Among the most common treatments for compulsive behaviors is “habit reversal” training – identifying the root behavior that’s causing problems and replacing it with something else.

The 4 Lessons of Relationship Rituals

  • Rituals wake up our experience of commitment – doing things together.
  • Relationship rituals are exclusive.
  • Rituals – not routines – bring the magic.
  • Consensus is a critical factor. Do you and your partner agree that it’s a ritual and not just a routine?
  • Food and drink are often central to rituals, but how we share them is what shapes family identity.
  • Rituals can be the practices that call us home and bring family together.
  • Family rituals immerse us in the moment, strengthen identity, and create lasting meaning.

Rituals give us a sense of ownership, an affirmation of identity or belonging, or an increased feeling of meaning.

  • Personal rituals are more adaptable and meaningful than inherited rituals since we can shape them to fit our values and goals.
  • Rituals strengthen social bonds through shared meals, celebrations, or communal ceremonies.
  • Rituals don’t have to be complex. Simple, intentional actions can transform daily life.

4 out of 5 stars

“Crush Your Money Goals” was written by Bernadette Joy, an expert money coach and founder of CRUSH Your Money Goals. Here are some main points.

CRUSH:

  • Curate your accounts. Coordinate accounts and track spending.
  • Reverse into independence. Set clear financial independence goals. Use the $1 rule to question non-essential purchases.
  • Understand your net worth and track it.
  • Spend intentionally. Align spending with values.
  • Heal your money wounds. Address emotional triggers that lead to overspending.

Net worth trackers organize your accounts into cash & cash equivalents, investments, property, credit cards, and loans. Trackers mentioned in this book include Empower (free) and Monarch Money (paid subscription).

Budget:

  • Survive – basic necessities, including housing, utilities, food, transportation, and health
  • Revive – current expenses that aren’t necessary but make life worth living for you, such as vacations, clothing, entertainment, and hobbies
  • Strive – anything that helps you grow your net worth

The CRUSH method consists of 50% strive, 25% survive, and 25% strive. In other words, saving/investing half of your income – which does not seem attainable for most people, especially people who don’t earn six figures. The author mentioned that if this is not attainable, people should work to increase their income.

Other tips:

  • Remember that the interest you pay on any debt is making someone else rich by being their passive income stream. Ex: your mortgage, auto loans, and credit cards.
  • Unsubscribe from email marketing and digitally detox from constant comparisons. Reduce impulse spending.
  • Implement a $1 cost per use rule – technology, furniture, clothing, accessories, home goods.
  • Invest in a Roth IRA, where you won’t pay taxes on growth. All income earned is tax-free.
  • Compare insurance plan rates each year. Ask for discounts from service providers.

4 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!