I read four books in February. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in February.
“Rolling Warrior” was written by Judith Heumann with Kristen Joiner. Judith is an internationally recognized leader in the disability rights movement. She has advocated for disability rights at home and abroad, serving in the Clinton and Obama administrations and as the World Bank’s first advisor on disability and development. Kristen is a writer and activist who tries to tell stories that change how people see the world. This book was the young reader’s edition of Judith’s acclaimed memoir “Being Heumann.”
Judith became sick with polio when she was 18 months old. Most people who get it are fine after a week or two, but some end up paralyzed and not able to move. Judith was paralyzed and can move her arms and hands, but can’t walk, dress herself, or go to the bathroom by herself. Judith detailed the challenges of living with polio:
Having a manual wheelchair when streets had curbs with no ramps
not going to a typical school until she was 14 years old – 1 1/2 hours away because her neighborhood school wasn’t accessible
having to ask other students for assistance when needing to go to the bathroom
having to ask other students for assistance to get into her dorm, which had a step
engaging in a sit-in protest with 150 disabled people to prompt the signing of Section 504.
Section 504 of Title V of the 1973 Rehabilitation Act prohibits discrimination against people with disabilities in institutions and programs receiving federal funding. Judith’s lifelong work also contributed to the passage of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA).
My story is similar to so many other people’s – those with and without disabilities. Telling our stories helps strengthen our ability to continue to fight against injustice. Sharing the stories about how we want our world to be – and then turning these dreams and visions into reality – is what we must all commit to doing.
4 out of 5 stars
“What I Told My Daughter: Lessons from Leaders on Raising the Next Generation of Empowered Women” was edited by Nina Tassler with Cynthia Littleton. Nina Tassler spent more than a decade as head of entertainment programming for CBS. This book consisted of short essays. Here are some of the many quotes from the essays that stood out to me.
We tell our girls that they can do anything, be anything, that the world is theirs for the taking. We encourage them – expect them – to be ultra-high achievers with lofty goals for college and beyond. I fear we may sometimes put too much pressure on our girls, imbue them with impossible standards. I worry that our dreams for them may sometimes, unintentionally, lead them to believe they can never make mistakes, and that perfection is more important than resilience. I want her to know that not only can she success, but that she can fail without being a failure, be hurt without being diminished, and be embarrassed without being ashamed.
“They always have the right to change their minds, especially when it comes to their personal happiness, whether it involves friendships, potential partners, and even career choices.”
“There are so many lessons we teach our daughters every single day – by what we say and do and how we treat others and how we let them treat us. We lead by example.”
“Choose friends who care about your feelings. Choosing the right people in whom to entrust our emotions and vulnerabilities may be the hardest but most important skill we learn in life.”
4 out of 5 stars
“Your Journey to Financial Freedom” was written by Jamila Souffrant, founder of Journey to Launch and the host of the podcast of the same name. She has been featured by several news outlets and is a certified financial education instructor. This book covered financial independence, creating your enjoyable financial independence plan, executing it, increasing income, paying down liabilities/debt, increasing assets, and staying the course and enjoying the journey. I got a lot out of this book. Here are some key points:
This book covered 5 journeyer stages, each of which has different financial priorities. This book also covered 5 different guacamole levels, which correspond with different lifestyle levels.
There are 6 components you’ll need to work on to help you reach financial independence: income, expenses, liabilities, assets, mindset, and habits.
This book encourages readers to evaluate their expenses based on their journeyer stage and guac level. Consider whether you are comfortable with sacrificing everyday indulgences now to achieve a bigger guac level later, whether you plan to maintain the same level in the future when you reach financial independence, and what guac level you can realistically live at now while working toward financial independence and the guac level you want to maintain once you reach it. Many people assume they need the same income in retirement but have goals of traveling more and living a more luxurious life. Evaluate your lifestyle and expenses now compared to your desired lifestyle and expenses later.
This book covered ways to increase income, set savings goals, optimize expenses, create a debt payoff plan, and increase assets.
It isn’t all about the future and living your best life in retirement. What are the things that you want and wish to do when you reach financial independence and how can you start doing them now? ex: hobbies and vacations
Don’t put your joy and freedom on layaway. The thing about living too much in the future or waiting for the next is that by the time you accomplish or have those things, your life has passed you by. Figuring out how to enjoy the now no matter where you are is critical to a peaceful and sustainable journey. Find joy right where you are.
This book was very comprehensive and educational, and I highly recommend it!
5 out of 5 stars
“Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff: Declutter, Downsize, and Move Forward with Your Life” was written by Matt Paxton with Jordan Michael Smith. Matt is one of America’s top downsizing and hoarding experts, has been the featured cleaner on Hoarders, is the host of Legacy List with Matt Paxton, has been featured in several news outlets, and has helped thousands of people from all walks of life leave behind belongings that no longer serve them so that they can finally take the next step. Jordan Michael Smith is an award-winning journalist, author, ghostwriter, and speechwriter. This book is also in collaboration with AARP, the nation’s largest nonprofit, nonpartisan organization dedicated to empowering people aged 50+ to choose how they live as they age. Here are some of many tips that resonated with me:
Clean or declutter for 10 minutes every night 5x/week. Stick to it.
Set a deadline to keep yourself accountable and force you to do the hard work even when you don’t feel like it.
Understand your why.What are your reasons for decluttering? Less stress? More space for stuff? Moving?
The best predictor of whether you’ll need an item is whether you are currently using it or have recently used it, not whether you think that, one day, somehow, somewhere, you’ll use it. In all likelihood, that day will never come. Love who you actually are and force yourself to say goodbye to your “fantasy self” items, the stuff you think you’ll use when you’re a different version of yourself. Ex: exercise equipment, clothes that are way too small
Give yourself permission to give. Don’t confuse the emotional worth with the economic worth. Something is only worth financially what an independent third party will give you.
Free yourself from guilt. We think we’re expected to carry on not just traditions passed down to us, but actual belongings. The reality is that you aren’t obligated to any thing or lifestyle other than the one you want. Let go of expectations about your obligations to inanimate objects.
Ask yourself, “What are the items that will help me live happily and keep my story living on forever?” Discover your legacy and feel free to keep 5-6 items that are intensely personal, both to the giver and the receiver.
We confuse the sentimental value of our objects with the financial value they’ll have to others. It’s only human to believe our stuff is worth more than it actually is because we attach emotions and memories to those items. Selling our belongings means separating the powerful emotional value from the brutal financial reality of what those possessions are worth in the marketplace.
I highly recommend this comprehensive book! It contains tips for decluttering, moving, creating a Legacy List of items, giving items away, selling items, and contains many resources.
5 out of 5 stars
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
“101 Things I Learned in Culinary School” was written by Louis Eguaras with Matthew Frederick. Louis is a department chair at the Culinary Arts Institute at Los Angeles Mission College, Chef Instructor at the Institute of Culinary Education, and a former White House Chef. I read this book back in 2023. This book is not a recipe book! Instead, it contains practical how-tos and interesting facts. Here are some of the many facts that stood out to me.
Guests seek more from a dining experience than to satisfy their appetites: comfort, prestige, value, relaxation, artistry, social fun, or perhaps just a good place to watch the game. Be clear why customers choose your restaurant. Prioritize what they most need.
Keep guests informed. Be open about errors and oversights – understaffed, dish running late, etc. Acknowledge mistakes!
Repurpose rather than reuse. Have multiple uses for every food item. Repurpose preparation scraps and use in stocks, soups, purees, etc.
Liabilities for restaurants: food-related illnesses, chemical hazards, physical hazards, property hazards, drinking hazards/serving too many drinks
School teaches you how to cook. Experience teaches you how to be a chef. A cook follows a recipe; a chef can intuitively modify a recipe. A cook knows how; a chef knows why.
Kitchen lingo:
“all day” = the total # of items to be prepared. Ex: 2 burgers rare + 1 burger medium = “3 burgers all day“
“dragging” = not ready with the rest of the order. Ex: “The fries are dragging.”
“drop” = Start cooking. Ex: “Drop the fries.“
“fire” = Start cooking, but with more urgency. Ex: “Fire the burgers.“
“on the fly” = with extreme urgency. Ex: “Get me two soups on the fly.“
Mise in place is a practice and a philosophy. Determine everything you need before starting a dish or shift – recipes, ingredients, utensils, pots, pans, stocks, sauces, oils, dishware, and anything else. This permits the most efficient use of a cook’s space and time and informs the disposition and posture of a chef.
Shake hands with a knife. To hold a chef’s knife properly, rest your thumb on one side at the juncture of the blade and handle, and let your middle, ring, and pinkie fingers grip the handle naturally on the other side. The index finger rests on the side of the blade, near the handle.
4 ways to tenderize:
mechanical (pound with a mallet before cooking)
marinade in an acidic bath for 30 minutes to 2 hours
salting/brining – coat with coarse salt and refrigerate for 1-4 hours, then rinse off and pat dry before cooking
slow cooking in liquid in a slow cooker
Food keeps cooking after you stop cooking. Allow for carryover cooking in meats by removing them from the heat source when the internal temperature is about 5 degrees Fahrenheit below the safe-to-eat temp. Let sit for 5-10 minutes and monitor the temperature.
Ways to thicken a stock, soup, or sauce:
reduction (remove the pan lid and simmer until desired thickness is achieved)
roux (heat butter in a saucepan, and slowly add an equal amount of flour, stirring constantly to produce a paste)
slurry (cornstarch for dairy-based, arrowroot powder for acidic sauces)
gelatin
A pepper’s name often changes when dried.
Fresh pimiento ➡️paprika
poblano ➡️ mulato (not ripened) or ancho (ripened first)
jalapeno ➡️chipotle (smoked)
Menu types:
static (common chain/fast-food restaurants)
cycle (changes daily/repeats weekly)
market (based on what is available for purchase by the restaurant daily)
farm to table, a la carte, prix fixe, etc.
Serve a just-enough portion. The protein should be about the size of the palm of your hand, and the vegetables should span about 2 or 3 fingers. A just-enough portion conveys that care and quality were elevated over quantity and that guests should eat more slowly to savor and enjoy. It also leaves room for appetizers and desserts.
Ways to make a plate look better:
vary plate shapes
use complementary colors
paint the sauce
design the negatie space
bed it – put it on a bed of lettuce, rice, etc.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn more about culinary facts!
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
As I discern the frequency of Thoughtful Thursday posts going forward, I wanted to share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:
Life Kit – The science behind the FDA ban on food dye Red No. 3
Desserts, candy, and medications that are bright cherry red often contain synthetic Red dye No. 3. It has been known to cause cancer in rats.
The FDA is now banning it in food and ingested drugs (revoking authorization)
Red dye No. 3 is a petroleum-based dye that gives products a bright cherry red color.
2002 – petition was filed with the FDA to ban the dye, and the FDA has been reviewing the petition and research ever since.
Red dye No. 3 in high doses causes cancer in rats. The FDA previously concluded it was safe for humans in the amounts used in food and said that Americans aren’t going to eat Red dye No. 3 in amounts large enough to cause cancer
2023 – California became the first U.S. state to ban Red dye No. 3, although the ban doesn’t take effect until 2027.
The Environment Working Group has compiled a list of over 3,000 packaged foods and drinks that contain Red dye No. 3!
There are also concerns about other synthetic food dyes linked to behavioral issues and ADHD-like symptoms in children.
These dyes are more common in cheaper, ultra-processed foods.
Food manufacturers have until January 2027 to remove red dye no. 3 from their products.
Replacing with Red 40 (also linked to behavioral issues in kids) or natural food compounds found from fruits and vegetables (ex: beets)
Check food labels and try to avoid food dyes.
Chasing Life – Want a Healthier Mocktail? Here’s How
Disclaimer: My body doesn’t tolerate carbonation, alcohol, or mocktails, so I haven’t tried these recommendations!
Add water to get the volume right. Ex: instead of 2 oz of gin, add 2 oz of water.
Mocktails, like cocktails, are actually meant to be small and savory. You don’t need to use a lot of added sugar or syrups. Not meant to be a 12 oz beverage
If limiting alcohol instead of going alcohol-free, use sherry or fortified wines. These provide more of a flavor profile than NA drinks.
When you go alcohol-free, there is a chance you won’t miss it!
Many zero-proof options rely heavily on sodas, fruit juices, and syrups to try to compensate for the lack of alcohol. You can add water to tone down the sweetness.
1 month without alcohol will improve your sleep, boost your energy, and lower your blood pressure. That’s pretty good incentive.
Self Improvement Daily – Plant Yourself In Fertile Soil
One of the most important impacts of your life and your success is your environment. Your environment is always pushing you to take make certain choices and take certain actions.
It’s the difference between hanging around friends who always want to meet up for drinks instead of hanging out while hiking, working out, or socializing without alcohol. It’s the difference between having access to healthy food in your pantry rather than always grabbing and stocking up on junk food. It’s the difference between having a good book by your bed versus only having your phone within arm’s reach.
Environment influences what happens without our awareness. The majority of the time, we’re acting unconsciously and automatically.
“Here’s a metaphor I like to use that demonstrates the power of environment. Think of the potential of a seed.
A seed has everything it needs to grow into a tall mighty tree. A seed is fully capable, yet most of the time, it doesn’t even sprout. Why? Because it’s dependent on the soil. The seed requires a certain environment to thrive.
The same seed planted in two different places can lead to two very different outcomes. When it’s in fertile soil, it grows tall and strong. When it’s planted in sand, it doesn’t even have a chance. And that’s not because there’s anything wrong with the seed. It’s just in the wrong environment.
As humans, we experience the same thing. There are environmental conditions that bring out our best. The right people, opportunities, circumstances, and spaces set us up for success. But there are also environments that bring out our ‘not so best’, causing us to make choices that don’t serve us and limit our potential.
Unlike a seed, however, we can control our environment. We can choose our surroundings and therefore, shape the influence it has on us. We can plant ourselves in fertile soil and when we do, that’s when we are maximizing our growth and potential!
If you’re falling short of the level of consistency, productivity, good health habits, and impact that you know you’re capable of, it’s probably because you’re in the wrong soil. Choose to put yourself in a place where you can thrive and watch the results pour in!”
TED Talks Daily – The secret to telling a great story – in less than 60 seconds
Many great stories start with a question because it will make people stick until the end to find out the answer.
You want to get your audience’s attention immediately, so you want to start by asking something shocking.
After you’ve hooked your audience, you want to take them on a journey building up to your answer where you want them to feel constant progression so that as we’re moving closer and closer to our answer, they feel like they can’t stop listening.
If everything is smooth sailing, nobody cares. We want to add conflict before getting to our answer. Without conflict, the audience isn’t as invested.
After enough buildup, we finally need our answers. Build tension by making the answer feel uncertain to make a satisfying ending.
If it takes longer to tell your story than it does to make a fast food burger, you’re probably overcooking both.
I’ve noticed this trend often on TikTok. People tell short stories with conflict to capture interest and build up progression before detailing the end of the story.
Mary’s Cup of Tea – How to Make Adult Friendships Easier with Kat Vellos
Connecting with existing friends more easily: If you are a busy or forgetful person, set reminders in your phone to follow up with the person. Don’t leave your hangout without setting your next hangout (just like a salon appointment). Connect your friends to each other to share time together.
Making more friends nearby: Be aware of your limits and take it step by step. Start by making acquaintances with the people who already live near you and are easier to fit into the life you’re living – people on your block, people in your apartment building, people in your town. Become a regular at a third place – neither home nor work – somewhere you go to for enjoyment – gym, coffee shop, brewery, bar, etc. Host friends with frequency – ex: Sunday dinners at home.
When we say that friendship is hard, we often say it’s hard because we’re afraid to introduce ourselves to new people, scheduling is hard, we’re too busy, we aren’t getting close fast enough to people, friends don’t give as much as they take, etc. When we say friendship is hard, we might mean that having courage is hard, having confidence is hard, prioritization and persistence is hard, having patience is hard, or taking risks and dealing with disappointments and rejection is hard. These things are part of life, not just friendships!
If someone says you should get together and you reach out and they don’t schedule something, follow up suggesting something you think they would say yes to!
On average, adults lose 1-2 friends per year because they fall out of touch and things fade away. Like plants, you need to water and nourish your friendships.
Book: “We Should Get Together” – I look forward to reading this!
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
I read four books in January. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in January.
“Built to Move: The 10 Essential Habits to Help You Move Freely and Live Fully” was written by Kelly Starrett and Juliet Starrett, the cofounders of San Francisco CrossFit and coauthors of the Wall Street Journal Bestseller Deskbound. Kelly is also the cofounder of The Ready State. This book included different movements and tips to incorporate them into daily life. Here are some takeaways:
The range of motion and body positioning relates to health, ease of movement, and the presence and absence of pain.
This book included measurable and repeatable diagnostics that will help you assess your current condition, where you need to go, and how you’re going to get there. This book also included mobilization techniques for reducing stiffness and resolving pain.
Think about how you want to live your life, take into consideration that the body naturally gets stiffer and weaker with age, and undertake strategies to counter those potential erosions before they set in. To be able to keep moving when you’re older, you need to get or keep moving now.
Some tips:
Sit-and-rise test – getting up and down off the floor without using your hands, knees, or losing balance – determines when you have good range of motion in your hips and gauges leg and core strength and balance and coordination
Incorporate various ground-sitting positions into your day: cross-legged sitting, sitting with your legs out in front of you, one-leg-up sitting, etc.
Find your balance. Do the one-leg stand test with your eyes closed for twenty seconds. How steady you are on your feet depend on your feet, your inner ear, sensory receptors in the muscles, tendons, fascia, joints, and eyesight.
Aim to limit sitting to six hours per day. Set up a standing workstation and move around every thirty minutes.
4 out of 5 stars
“While You Were Out: An Intimate Family Portrait of Mental Illness in an Era of Silence” was written by Meg Kissinger, who teaches investigative reporting at Columbia Journalism School. Meg spent more than two decades traveling across the country to report on America’s mental health system for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and has won dozens of accolades. This book was frank and revelatory and was a personal and painful narrative. I highly recommend this book! Here are some of the many things that resonated with me:
Meg details the family dynamics of alcoholism, mental illnesses, and two of her siblings committing suicide and how the shame and practice of “not talking about it” impacted her and her family.
5.6% of adults suffer from serious and persistent mental illness, and more than 1/3 of them don’t get treatment. A person with serious mental illness is 10x more likely to be incarcerated than hospitalized.
Jails and prisons have become the nation’s de facto mental health hospital system. By 2010, almost 90% of the hospital beds across the country that were once available for the sickest psychiatric patients had been eliminated.
“Suicide prevention experts I’d interviewed over the years told me repeatedly that we can do a lot more to stop people from killing themselves. Knowing the warning signs for suicide and how to talk to those who are considering it will save lives. So why weren’t we able to stop our siblings? Because we had been discouraged from talking about it. I could not help but wonder what life would have been like if we had grown up in a more transparent era.”
“Only love and understanding can conquer this disease.”
5 out of 5 stars
“Riding the Lightning: A Year in the Life of a New York City Paramedic” was written by Anthony Almojera, an EMS lieutenant with the Fire Department of New York City who has also been featured in various media outlets. This book was devastating, candid, and vital, and guides readers, one month at a time, through the first year of COVID-19 from the perspective of a paramedic in New York City. I recommend this book to readers who want a glimpse of how COVID-19 changed EMS each month in 2020. Here are some takeaways:
In the beginning of COVID-19, every EMT and paramedic who transported a patient with suspected coronavirus was instructed to wear gloves, a gown, goggles or a face shield, and an individually fitted N95 mask, then throw everything away after each patient contact. Originally, the health department recommended that ambulances be aired out for two hours after every fever/cough call. (!)
Protocols were shifting constantly – what protective equipment to wear, how to deal with a cardiac arrest, whether to consult telemetry about where to take a patient, whether to notify the hospital that you were transporting a suspected case of COVID, how often to change your N95 mask, etc.
Surgical masks are made of polypropylene, a nonwoven paper substance that allows air to pass through it but not droplets of moisture. They don’t stop airborne particles from passing into your nose and mouth. For that, you need an N95.
In March 2020, the New York City COVID-19 deaths averaged over 400 per day. On March 30, 2020, New York City EMS received 7,253 calls – one call every 12 seconds!
The telemetry office couldn’t keep up. There was 1 physician fielding all questions from EMS crews in a city of over 8 million people!
Hospitals didn’t have enough ventilators or CPAP machines. For all the people who were dying in the hospital, many more were dying before they even got there – at home, in ambulances, or in lines to the emergency departments.
At one point, the author had 14 calls in 16 hours, and every patient died!
Patients’ families want to believe that something can be done, that the outcome will change if the patient goes to the hospital. But the medical system was so swamped during the pandemic that our protocols had changed. As of March 31, 2020, we were transporting patients only if we got a pulse back at the scene. Hospitals didn’t have the resources to try to resuscitate them, and we didn’t have the resources to transport them, so we had to pronounce these patients dead then and there.” By April 2020, if there was no pulse or electrical activity in the heart after 20 minutes, paramedics/EMS were instructed to stop CPR and pronounce the patient dead.
4 out of 5 stars
“A Bit Much: Poems” was written by Lyndsay Rush, a comedy writer and the poet behind the popular Instagram account @maryoliversdrunkcousin. This book was great, and I highly recommend it!
Here are some of my favorites:
When your surroundings begin to feel cold and uninhabitable and your environment no longer offers the support or sustenance you need, I hope you migrate. I hope, as you make your way down south, that you find another silly goose to fly with, too – in such a tight-knit formation that Wikipedia would refer to your crew as plump. And I hope that no matter how long the journey takes you, the wind is always at your back; nudging you closer to home.
“Starting something new is like a one-man show for a one-man audience; the only applause worth seeking is your own. Don’t rob yourself of that while you wait for approval from somewhere else. Sometimes winning yourself over is the greatest show on earth.“
“A great philosopher once said I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes (I saw the sign). But when you see the world through rose-colored glasses, it can be hard to recognize a red flag. So what I have learned is this: If they’re mean to the waiter, they’ll be mean to you. If they never follow through, they will never show up. If it hurts your stomach, it will hurt your heart. You can’t temper a storm, but you can sure as hell evacuate the beach.“
“If cauliflower can be pasta, you can be whatever you want.“
5 out of 5 stars
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
It’s been over a month since I’ve posted a Thoughtful Thursday post. I am discerning whether to continue with weekly Thoughtful Thursday posts or whether to post those less often so that I can post more book posts. With that said, here are some of the most interesting things I’ve learned this month!
The Mel Robbins Podcast – The Top Expert Advice of the Year
People will consistently give you what you allow them to give you. You are in control of two things in this world: what you give and what you accept.
Boundaries are not walls to keep things out. Boundaries are bridges to let the right things in.
Boundaries are meant to protect your peace and your energy. When you’re setting boundaries, ask yourself what you need in your life right now, what boundary you need to set that will lead you to what you need, and why you must stick to the boundary. What is it costing you not to stick to this boundary? Your future? Your peace? You tell people how to treat you by what you continuously accept.
You spend more time trying to protect the battery on your smartphone than you do protecting your own or recharging your own battery.
LET THEM is a boundary.
I really enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player:
This is at the heart of so much heartbreak and frustration in this business.
Our personal expectations are ‘just the way it is’…and it’s easy to think they’re shared by others…or at least they should have read my mind by now.
It’s worth asking the people around you what they’re really hoping for. You’re sure to learn something new. Something they’ve been thinking all along but secretly expecting you to just read their mind.
You’re good but you’re not that good. You’re going to have to ask.
I am enrolled in UCC Contracts/Business Law and Probate Law this semester for my paralegal certificate program. I am not an attorney, and this is not legal advice. These are some fascinating facts I have learned so far.
For most contracts, the general rule is that while it’s not illegal to enter into a contract with a minor, the contract is voidable at the discretion of the minor. Once reaching the age of majority, they can also disaffirm contracts. The cases I read that stood out to me involved minors voiding arbitration clauses in contracts and voiding waivers of liability by voiding contracts. I believe this can be a risk of liability for employers who hire minors. For example:
Pak Foods Houston, LLC v. Garcia, 433 S.W.3d 171 (Tex. App.—Houston [14th Dist.] 2014) involved a personal injury claim. A minor filed a personal injury claim against a fast-food restaurant. The restaurant filed a motion to compel arbitration based on an arbitration agreement that the minor signed as part of an employment agreement. The court found that the contract was voidable, and the minor disaffirmed the agreement by terminating her employment and filing suit.
I’ve been intrigued by the many rules of Probate Law this semester and how different state statutes vary. For those with wills, a spouse cannot be disinherited in the will, but disinheriting children is allowed. Each state has a plan for the assets of those who die without wills. As an example, for those who die without wills in Minnesota:
524.2-102 SHARE OF THE SPOUSE.
The intestate share of a decedent’s surviving spouse is:
(1) the entire intestate estate if:
(i) no descendant of the decedent survives the decedent; or
(ii) all of the decedent’s surviving descendants are also descendants of the surviving spouse and there is no other descendant of the surviving spouse who survives the decedent;
(2) the first $225,000, plus one-half of any balance of the intestate estate, if all of the decedent’s surviving descendants are also descendants of the surviving spouse and the surviving spouse has one or more surviving descendants who are not descendants of the decedent, or if one or more of the decedent’s surviving descendants are not descendants of the surviving spouse.
In other words, if you are married without kids and die without a will, your surviving spouse gets 100% of your assets. If you are married with kids and neither you nor your spouse have kids with other people, your surviving spouse gets 100% of your assets. Yet, if you are married with kids and you or your spouse have living kids that are not biologically shared, your living spouse gets the first $225,000 plus 1/2 of any balance of the estate, and the rest gets split up between all of the kids (descendants).
My husband and I are doing the Bible in a Year series with Fr. Mike Schmitz, which has been so informative and interesting so far. One thing that has resonated with me so far is that many of us are pharaohs to ourselves. We make ourselves so busy that we don’t have time to think about God. We make ourselves so busy that we have made ourselves into slaves by saying “I have to do this, I have to do that” and all of the other things that we’ve set up. We’ve set up a pace of life for ourselves that is unmanageable, and we don’t have time for worship. God’s people were never meant to be slaves – not a slave to Pharaoh and not a slave to the pharaoh that lives inside of us. We are meant to be free so that we can truly belong to Him.
And if you aren’t religious, this can still also apply to several other areas of your life. What are the things that you are making yourself a slave to? Are you spending too much time working, scrolling on your phone, etc.? What are the things you say you don’t have time for? What are you doing with your time instead? Are you making time for the things you say matter the most to you?
Perhaps the most fascinating thing I learned this month was about the existence of the syndrome known as R-CPD (inability to burp).
What are the symptoms of R-CPD?
Additional symptoms, outside of the lifelong inability to burp or belch, can include:
Abdominal and/or chest bloating and pain
Excessive flatulence
Nausea
Gurgling noises from the neck and chest
Difficulty vomiting or fear of vomiting (emetophobia)
As shown, the chief complaints are GI-related. Yet, GI doctors (and many other doctors) are not aware of this condition, leading many to run numerous tests instead of asking the right questions. In an ideal world, when patients complain of bloating, gas, nausea, and gurgling, GI providers and other providers would ask “Can you burp?”If not, they should be treated for R-CPD. There are not many providers who are aware of and treat this syndrome.
Here is more information about it, such as the symptoms, treatment, etc. There is even a Reddit community for this condition: https://www.reddit.com/r/noburp
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
“Read This Before Our Next Meeting” was written by Al Pittampalli, the founder of the Modern Meeting Company, which has helped organizations hold more effective meetings. This book was direct and to the point.
In a world with fewer meetings, we’d have more time for our real work, the work we do that actually propels our organizations forward.
The modern meeting:
doesn’t make decisions. Leaders do. Consult others via e-mail or one-on-one and make a preliminary decision.
has two primary functions: conflict and coordination
moves fast and ends on schedule. Strong deadlines force parties to resolve the hard decisions necessary for progress.
limits the number of attendees.
rejects the unprepared. Prepare an agenda.
produces committed action plans. No minutes are required; you only need to know the decision and resulting action plan.
refuses to be informational. Reading memos is mandatory.
works only alongside a culture of brainstorming
The modern meeting is for finalizing your preliminary decision, generating buy-in, and agreeing on next steps. In advance of the meeting, inform attendees of the decision you plan to make as well as the reasoning behind that decision.
During the meeting, allow attendees to ask questions, voice concerns, and propose modifications. If all goes well, a consensus is achieved, a decision is resolved, and an action plan is coordinated.
Invite only the people who are absolutely necessary for resolving the decision that has been presented. If you have no strong opinion, have no interest in the outcome, and are not instrumental for any coordination that needs to take place, you don’t need to attend.
Prepare an agenda. Every meeting should require pre-meeting work. The modern meeting is about conflict and coordination, two activities that hinge upon preparation.
8 principles of the modern meeting:
Only after you’ve reached a preliminary decision can you call a meeting.
Get everyone on the same page and create an action plan.
Enforce firm meeting end times. The meeting ends, a decision is resolved, and participants get back to work. Start on time.
Only people who are critical to the outcome are invited to the modern meeting. Small numbers allow decisions to be resolved quickly and plans to be coordinated smoothly.
The modern meeting rejects the unprepared. An agenda is distributed well in advance and establishes the decision being debated or the action being coordinated. You must carefully think through different scenarios and come up with thoughtful responses.
The modern meeting produces committed action plans. What actions are we committing to? Who is responsible for each action? When will those actions be completed? It’s the meeting leader’s responsibility to follow up and hold participants accountable for their commitments.
If no action plan is necessary, neither is a meeting!
Informational meetings aren’t necessary. Managers must write memos instead. Everyone must commit to reading them.
The modern meeting is about decision and the narrowing of options. Brainstorming is necessary.
Amazon and Google are both notable in their meeting practices and share many elements of the modern meeting.
This was an interesting book. I agree with some of it, as I have had to attend several meetings just so that management or clients could “check a box” from their weekly to-do list that a meeting was held. This is not effective. However, in my current role, we occasionally have virtual video meetings so that we can get to know and see others we don’t see in person. I enjoy having time set aside for that.
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
“Real Self-Care” was a much needed, straightforward book written by Pooja Lakshmin, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist, New York Times contributor, and the founder and CEO of Gemma, the physician-led women’s mental health community.
For many women, self-care ends up being another burden, another thing on the to-do list to feel bad about because they aren’t doing it right. Women are pulled in two opposing directions: asked to be selfless and accommodating to the needs of others and, simultaneously, to excel professionally and personally.
Real self-care vs faux self-care:
Applying a methodology of faux self-care is reactive, whereas practicing real self-care is proactive.
Faux self-care is a noun, typically describing an activity or a product. Real self-care is a verb, describing an invisible, internal decision-making process.
3 most common reasons why we tend to turn to faux self-care:
escape – using self-care to escape our regular lives seldom results in lasting change. Our true selves are located in our daily choices.
Whatever the setting, you get to “retreat” from the real world and hermit away in a beautiful environment, but no matter how much self-care you do, you’re still you.
achievement – based on shame. Another activity to excel at/conquer. Perfectionism, workaholism, and capitalism.
“My self-worth strongly depends on my ability to be seen as a success.”
optimization – trying to maximize every possible aspect of life and trying to be the most efficient, productive, and controlled.
Optimization will just breed more optimization – equating self-worth with productivity
What is real self-care?
Real self-care requires boundaries and moving past guilt. You must be assertive in prioritizing your own needs and desires.
Real self-care means treating yourself with compassion.
Real self-care brings you closer to yourself and getting to know your core values, beliefs, and desires.
Real self-care is an assertion of power. It’s about saying what works for you and what doesn’t.
Real self-care is all about making space for you – your thoughts, feelings, and priorities in life. Setting boundaries is how we take our time, energy, and attention back. Ex: you don’t have to answer your phone. Setting boundaries is about recognizing you have a choice and communicating it. Learn to say no.
The longer you stick with a relationship, job, or situation that isn’t working for you, the higher the emotional cost to set a boundary.
Listen to what your body is telling you: dread, nausea, palpitations, etc. Learn to say no.
In all situations, you can say yes, you can say no, or you can negotiate. Your boundary is in your pause.
Tips for practicing compassion:
Replace self-judgment with self-kindness.
Practice receiving support/love/attention. Say yes to offers of help.
Connect with your body and rest when your body is tired.
Know your values. What sort of person do you want to be? What really matters to you? Does your action align with your values? Know your HOW and WHY. Recognize that in each season of your life, you will have different priorities.
Your boundaries are a reflection of how willing you are to advocate for the life you want. You must separate your own needs and preferences from the opinions of other people who have a vested interest in your life.
Every boundary you set is a reminder that you have agency over how you spend your time and your energy. Be clear, be concise, and don’t apologize.
Compassion is something you must give to yourself; you can’t expect it to always come from outside.
These common examples are NOT practicing compassion:
“I can save time by doing it myself.” Women tend to bear the heavy mental load because they believe others are less efficient or don’t do things quite right. This leads to resentment and rage that builds up all because it’s “easier and faster.”
Martyr mode – extending yourself toward others and expecting praise/support/attention and losing your cool when that expectation is not met.
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
Here is a complete list of the books I read in 2024, listed in the order that I read them. I was very busy with work, school, and other commitments in 2024 and did not post many detailed book reviews. When I created this blog, my intention was to read, learn, and share about the books I read, so I hope to post more book reviews in 2025.
1. 101 Things I Learned in Advertising School by Tracy Arrington with Matthew Frederick
2. The Book You Want Everyone You Love* To Read by Philippa Perry
3. Internal Medicine: A Doctor’s Stories by Terry Holt
I read six books in December, some of which were short and easy reads. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in December.
“The Fire This Time: A New Generation Speaks About Race” was edited by Jasmyn Ward, an author and associate professor of Creative Writing at Tulane University who has won several writing awards. This book demonstrated the power in words – the power in asserting our existence, experience, and lives through words. This book was selected as a book club read for my employer. Here are some quotes that stood out to me:
[During an internship at a magazine that was more than 150 years old] “Sometime during the end of my first week, a chatty senior editor approached me in the corridor. During the course of our conversation, I was informed that I was almost certainly the first black person to ever intern at the magazine and there had never been any black editors. On good days, being the first black intern meant having my work done quickly and sounding extra witty around the water cooler; it meant I was chipping away at the glass ceiling that seemed to top most of the literary world. But on bad days I gagged on my resentment and furiously wondered why I was selected. I became paranoid that I was merely a product of affirmative action, even though I knew I wasn’t.”
“I accepted the reality that the historic colonial houses – now the business residences of attorneys, hairstylists, insurance agents, and doctors – were considered by more people to be more valuable than the bodies below them.”
“Empathy requires us to dig way down into the murk, deeper than our own feelings go, to a place where the boundaries between our experience and everyone else’s no longer exist.“
Rules of walking – “no running, especially at night; no sudden movements; no hoodies; no objects – especially shiny ones – in hand; no waiting for friends on street corners or standing near a corner on the cellphone lest I be mistaken for a drug dealer“
This book provided thought-provoking perspectives of race and minorities.
4 out of 5 stars
“Employment Law: A Very Short Introduction” was written by David Cabrelli, the professor of Labour Law at the University of Edinburgh and the author of 5 books. This book contained a decent overview of employment law, and I learned about other countries; however, I learned much more in my Employment Law class this semester. Here are some main points:
Employment contract = employment relationship and rights. No employment contract = no employment relationship and rights. The various roles governing the constitution, classification, variation, contact, performance, suspension, and termination of the employment relationship are all derived from contract law.
There is a rise of atypical workers in the labor markets of advanced Western economies, such as the U.S. These independent contractors work very flexibly and as and when they want and often suffer from low pay, little or no job protection or security of earnings, and are subject to the control of those hiring their labor.
British legislation enacted in 1971 protects employees from unfair dismissals. The USA remains an exception to most countries. The USA has an employment-at-will doctrine, which safeguards the liberty of the employee to resign and find another job without liability and allows the employer to discharge the employee without sanction.
One thing that stood out to me, that I hadn’t considered previously, is the quote that “Employers operating at below a living wage are free riding on the back of the public purse.”
This book was a very general overview of employment law, but other books cover much more information.
3 out of 5 stars
“Learning to Disagree: The Surprising Path to Navigating Differences with Empathy and Respect” was an insightful book written by John D. Inazu, a Distinguished Professor of Law and Religion at Washington University in St. Louis. Multiple studies have shown that Americans have a growing disdain for those who differ from them politically and ideologically. We deride our political, religious, and ideological opponents as dangerous or evil and retreat to digital foxholes. This book is a necessary read for many people and a reminder to treat people as humans. Here are some main takeaways:
Good lawyering requires empathy for adversaries. You don’t have to like the other side, but you do have to understand them. How are you going to persuade a judge that you have the better story? The better you understand the other side of an argument, the better you can critique it and the more strongly you can defend your own position.
Assume the best of someone to open the door to deeper understanding and an opportunity to learn from those who see the world differently. Distinguish people from the ideas they hold. Other people are humans with whom you share many things in common. That doesn’t mean you will always share – or even respect – their ideas.
Recognize the limits to your knowledge and understanding. Embrace the likelihood that you won’t be able to convince everyone who thinks differently that you are right and they are wrong.
Well-intentioned people can have differing beliefs without being evil. In a country as large and diverse as the United States, every one of us holds beliefs and opinions that other people think are beyond the pale.
Practice repentance, grace, and forgiveness.
I highly recommend this book and will post a more detailed book blog about it sometime.
5 out of 5 stars
“About Time” is a book of poems by Neil Hilborn, a best-selling author and the most-watched poet ever (with over 150 million views). Neil has performed in 41 states and 8 countries. Neil is one of my favorite poets and is incredibly talented; with that said, I did not enjoy this book as much as his prior books. Here are some quotes that stood out to me:
“Ask the thoughts what they want: Why am I going to kill myself and if I do, go all the way to the logical end: Who will it hurt, what gets left behind, what good remains undone; dissect the bells, separate the ringing into a flat expanse and not the towering blaze telling you it is . . . “
“The Prozac makes me less tired but I’m still pretty tired but maybe that’s cause depression makes you tired.”
“I know why, but why is it that the pills will keep me alive but they give me enough to kill myself?“
To quote my favorite TV personality slash parasocial therapist slash mommy? Doctor Robin Zasio of Hoarders fame: You’ve got to feel it to heal it. As it relates to hoarding, I think she means that if you never throw out things you accumulate then you don’t have to deal with the emotional context around those things.
Many of the poems were somewhat depressing, but this poem provided humor.
4 out of 5 stars
“The Little Book of Sleep: The Art of Natural Sleep” was written by Nerina Ramlakhan, a professional physiologist and sleep therapist for 25 years who runs sleep and wellness programs at Nightingale Hospital in London. This book was a quick, easy read. One description reads: “Drawing on Western science and Eastern practices, this beautifully illustrated guide to sleep teaches that, by making better choices in our waking hours, we can positively influence our sleep.” Here are some tips from the book.
Sattvic describes the type of sleep we should be getting – pure, deep, natural, and healing. This is the kind of sleep where you wake up feeling refreshed, filled with vitality, and looking forward to the day ahead.
The journey back to deep sleep is about working on yourself to create an inner core of safety and making lifestyle choices that will help your nervous system to recalibrate and shift back into safety mode if you’ve been running on survival mode.
Tips:
Eat within 30 minutes of waking.
Reduce your caffeine intake to less than 300 mg per day. The half-life of caffeine is 5 hours. Avoid any caffeine until you’ve eaten.
Drink plenty of water.
Take breaks from technology. Withdraw from technology an hour before you get into bed. Don’t keep your phone in your bedroom or watch TV in bed.
Create a sanctuary in your bedroom. Think soft, relaxing colors, essential oils, and cool and well-ventilated.
Try breath awareness exercises.
Increase your oxytocin levels by expressing your feelings, getting a massage, hugging someone, stroking your pet, and engaging in activities that make you feel at your best, happy, and carefree.
4 out of 5 stars
“The One Minute Manager” was cowritten by Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson. Ken Blanchard is a prominent, gregarious, sought-after author, speaker, and business consultant. Spencer Johnson, M.D. is the author or coauthor of numerous New York Times bestselling books. This book was an insightful and easy read, although it could have been more concise. Here are the main habits of a one minute manager:
One Minute Goal Setting – set goals with their people to make sure they know what they are being held accountable for and what good performance looks like
One Minute Praising – try to catch their people doing something right so that they can give them a One Minute Praising
One Minute Reprimand – reprimand people immediately and tell people specifically what they did wrong then remind them how much you value them and reaffirm that that you think well of them but not of their performance in this situation.
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:
Mental Performance Daily – Culture Killers
BCD – blaming, complaining, and getting defensive – transfer of accountability and responsibility
Be accountable, responsible, and coachable.
Another culture killer – me over we mentality – put team over yourself. When the team has success, you have success. When the team gets noticed, you get noticed. Don’t be an energy sucker.
Put we over me and eliminate BCD
TED Talks Daily – Why you think you look bad in photos
You’ve been looking at a reflection of yourself your whole life – looking in a mirror. Your brain gets a clear idea of what you look like. When you’re seeing a photograph, you’re seeing the reverse. Most of us are not symmetrical in our facial attributes.
Overcome this by looking at yourself in photos more.
You may not resonate with how you are being portrayed. Not everyone feels confident in photos.
Get curious and ask yourself what you’re struggling to accept about the image and whether it has anything to do with how you are being portrayed. Looking bad in photos has less to do with how you look and more to do with how you think.
You’ve taught yourself to hyper fixate on your insecurities.
Focus instead on who you were with, what you were doing, and how you were feeling the moment the photo you were taken. When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
We’ve put unrealistic expectations on photography and our bodies. Disappointment is the gap that exists between expectation and reality. Photography’s only job is to capture a fraction of a second, but we’ve made these fractions of a second create a big narrative – such as I look bad in photos – that prevent us from showing up and being present in our lives.
We’ve decided certain angles are better than others.
Accomplishments, achievements, love, passion, creativity, and brilliance don’t change between photos. Your children, pets, and grandchildren see you at your worst angles and don’t love you any less or care about you any less. You are worthy of being photographed.
We put pressure on how we are going to show up in photographs, and this pressure prevents a lot of us from showing up in photographs with and for the people we love the most.
Hidden Brain – The Secret to Gift Giving
Obligations are probably the single biggest reason that gifts are given in the first place, whether it’s for Christmas, a birthday, an anniversary, or a graduation. When you get a gift, it feels like you have to return that gesture at an appropriate moment – whether it’s at that moment, the next birthday, etc.
Recipients are often focused on the experience of the gift over the ownership of the gift. When you receive something, in the moment it might make you happy, but does it actually provide you value and utility and joy for the duration of owning whatever it is that you’ve received? Sometimes the things that bring you happiness in the moment are not the things that bring you happiness in the long-term.
The surprise is something that gift givers think is critical to a recipient. When I give you a gift, I have this belief that you will only value that gift if you don’t expect receiving it. That is simply not true.
A lot of people imagine that the reason gifts are exchanged is because we’re trying to make other people happy. But there are also selfish reasons for giving a gift, such as signaling who you are as a person and as a gift giver and signaling that you’re a creative gift giver. Sometimes people who think they’re creative make sure that the choices of gifts are creative even at the expense of the recipient. Ex: not giving the same gift to the same person another year and not giving the same gift to someone else
The cost of a gift is not nearly as predictive in terms of happiness of the recipient as people tend to think.
The research is pretty clear that recipients do not value socially conscious gifts as much as givers hope they would. Ex: charity donation, planting a tree, etc.
Idea: family spreadsheet – “Whenever one of us has a desire for an item of some sort that exceeds some minimum expense, we put it on there as a potential gift that we would love to receive at some point. And what’s nice about that is when it’s time to fulfill my obligation, I’m not racking my brain trying to figure out what would make her happy. It still maintains an element of surprise in the form of the timing of the object itself. She might know that she wants item X, but she’s not going to know that I’m going to give it to her at a specific time.”
Receiver is overjoyed when they get exactly what they want
Experiential gifts – less of a wow factor upon opening, but providing a very valuable experience down the road
Recommendation: if you’re going to give a gift, do it on a random day. The value that people get when they receive gifts on non-occasions is so much higher because they have no expectations.
I appreciated this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:
We don’t have it. That’s what makes our lives different from the all the things we stream.
In streamer land we can always find out what’s next, we know the episode schedule, we have behind the scenes, we can binge it in two days and find out the end, or we can look up the end right now.
That’s why we’re drawn to movies and tv and podcasts and stories…because we long for a complete story where it all makes sense and the loose ends are perfectly tied.
But in real life we don’t have the next episode and we certainly don’t know the season finale. We’re living it.
We spend a lot of time in our own heads, certain that our path and our method make sense. We often become more certain in the face of criticism or even suggestions.
This confidence is essential, as it allows us to lean into our project.
Once in a while, though, it might help to model the alternative. What if they’re right? How would that play out? If they’re right, what could I do with that insight?
If it’s helpful, run with it.
We can always go back to being right tomorrow.
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
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