Tag: #lifelessons

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – March 14, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

The Liz Moody Podcast – 15 Love Lessons From 15 Years In A Relationship

Here are the lessons that resonated the most with me:

If you see something, say something. In a relationship, if you see something you love/admire/think they are doing well, don’t keep it to yourself.

Question the “shoulds.” Be intentional about your decisions. Should you get engaged just because you’ve been together a certain amount of time? Should you have kids at a certain age or have kids at all? Should you drink any time someone else is at a social gathering? Should you follow pressures and milestones from society and friends? Your relationship is your relationship. Don’t compare yourself to others.

As work dynamics have changed, you need to be more intentional about making friends. Intentionally expose yourself to people on a regular basis through a book club, walking club, sport, etc. Put yourself in a reoccurring way in front of other people. Suggest avenues to your partner to gain connections.

If your relationship is boring, you need to do more interesting things. Give your relationship the new outputs it needs and deserves – conversations, activities, etc. Ex: Read a separate article each week and tell your partner what you read, learned, and anything interesting you would like to discuss from that article. It will result in more interesting conversations. Ex: podcast walks with partner – discuss podcast at the end of the walk to spark new conversations

Assume the best intentions. Even if it is your partner’s fault, recognize that your partner can be at fault without intending to hurt you.

Plan together. It is really easy for people to change and for their desires to change. There are expectations people have, and when they are not spoken, we run into real problems. Communicate your desires so that you can plan together.

Communication is the crux of all relationship success and woes. Get your partner to know what you want in life and know what they want in life.

Sad to Savage – 26 Things I’ve Learned at 26

Here are some of the best lessons mentioned in this podcast:

  • Putting up boundaries with other people starts with you making boundaries for yourself. It’s okay to be selfish with your time.
  • The quality of the people you spend time with matters more than the quantity.
  • Growth is not always linear, and sometimes you need to have low moments and face challenges to grow.
  • You need to make the choice to walk away from something that no longer serves you.
  • When life changes and things do not go according to plan, that’s because it’s not according to YOUR plan. God has a plan for you.
  • Self-limiting beliefs can be broken. Figure out what your self-limiting beliefs are.
  • Comparison truly is the thief of joy. Don’t compare your timeline to someone else’s.
  • You will never find the time. You need to create it.
  • You truly never know what someone is dealing with beyond the surface.
Optimal Living Daily – 8 Habits to Keep Paper Clutter to a Minimum
  • Deal with papers immediately. As soon as you get the mail, toss all of the junk mail.
    • For school papers, have kids do the homework ASAP and put it back into the backpack so it’s done and ready for the next day.
    • Sign any permission slips and put them right back in the backpack.
    • Let go of all of the drawings that were sent home. If you find something unique, you can take a picture with your child holding it and talk to your child about it before letting it go.
    • Church bulletins – take a photo if needed, mark events on your calendar, and throw them away.
  • Have an inbox for all of the papers that need to be dealt with soon.
  • Have a long-term filing system for things that need to be kept, such as tax records, personal records, etc.
  • Set a weekly time to catch up on paper. Take time each week to pay bills, deal with papers, etc.
  • Set as many statements as possible to “paperless.” Set aside time each week to pay/review/respond as necessary. Automate bills.
  • Toss receipts if you don’t need them for tax purposes.
  • Cancel magazine subscriptions.
  • Avoid paper couponing.

This week I have been reading a fascinating book called “Like, Literally, Dude: Arguing for the Good in Bad English” by Valerie Fridland. Valerie pointed out research about the differences of “uh” vs “um” and their impact.

“Um” is used when longer delays in answering a question are anticipated. “Uh” indicates that our listener may need to wait a second or two for an answer, but “um” indicates they will need to wait longer. A filled pause (“uh” or “um” instead of silence) conveys information at a meta level.

“Uh” or “um” signals listeners to be on alert because there is generally something requiring greater cognitive effort happening. People typically use filled pauses when talking about unfamiliar, difficult, unpredictable, or abstract things, so we incorporate that knowledge into how we unpack what they say. People perform better on memory tests when hearing words such as “uh” or “um” before important statements or stories. This may be because we have more processing time to think about what is going to be said (during the filled pause of “um“). These pauses alert us to pay closer attention to what is being said.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – February 29, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Before Breakfast – Read a short book
  • If you are out of the habit of reading or feeling tired in general, read a short book. It can be just the thing to get you going.
  • Look for a short book to distract your mind from social media, boredom, sadness, etc.

I have been so busy and stressed with schoolwork this month and took nearly all month to read two books for fun. I decided to read a short book of poems as my third book to give myself a mental break, and I have ended the month reading four books. I think reading the short book gave me a mental break and momentum to read more.

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – This Therapy Strategy Will Help You Become the Person You Want to Be
  • Behave like the person you want to become.
  • If you change your behavior first, the feelings will follow. Changing your behavior can also change your thoughts because you train your brain to see yourself differently.
  • Want to feel happier? Ask if you are happy right now. Want to be more confident? Act as if you feel confident.
  • If you are battling depression, ask yourself what you might be doing differently today if you felt a bit better. Depression causes us to do things that reinforces depression, such as staying in bed. Anxiety causes us to avoid things that will ultimately help us solve a problem.
  • We do the things that reinforce how we are feeling. So when you feel angry, you’re more tempted to complain. When you feel anxious, you might pace back and forth and think about all of the things causing you to feel anxious.
  • Act as if you feel confident to help you feel confident. Pursue classes/learning/education to feel more confident about a topic. Confidence comes from facing your fears.
  • Act “as if.” When you feel low on energy, act as if you have energy. When you’re struggling with fear, act as if you feel brave. If you want to change your life, act like a mentally strong person. If you want more friends, act like a friendly person. Acting “as if” doesn’t mean you’re acting as a fake person; it just means you’re putting a certain aspect of your personality forward.
  • What kind of person do I want to be? What are some steps I could take right now to start acting more like that kind of person? How would it change my life?
  • How would I be acting right now if I felt better? Changing your behavior first shifts your emotions.
The Mel Robbins Podcast – 4 Easy Nighttime Habits to Feel Energized & Sleep Better
  • Pick your bedtime. What time do you need to be asleep if you wanted to get eight hours of sleep every night? In order to pick a bedtime, you need to know what time you truly need to wake up. Know how long your morning routine takes! Have a plan. What time do you really need to wake up in order to truly start your day on the right foot and do all the things you want/need to do in the morning?
  • The time you need to wake up is probably a half hour or hour earlier than you have been waking up. If you aren’t honest with yourself about what time you need to get up to give yourself the runway of time that you need, then before you have laid your head on the pillow tonight, you have already screwed up your morning routine.
  • Start by picking the time you need to wake up – the time you need to give yourself the runway, the time that would really allow you to do everything that you would like to do, and plan for eight hours of sleep to establish your bedtime. You need to be asleep for eight hours, so figure out how long it takes you to fall asleep and decide what time you need to get into bed to get eight hours of sleep!
  • If you don’t pick the right time to climb into bed, you will never actually be able to build a rock solid evening routine. Understanding what it takes to fall asleep and giving yourself that amount of time and building an evening routine that leads up to it is essential. Having a consistent bedtime and wakeup time will help you get better sleep and help you fall asleep faster. You will train your brain to be a better sleeper.
  • Clean up the mess so your morning is fresh. Empty the dishwasher/do the dishes, take out the trash if needed, clean up the counters, turn off the lights, clean up the things from today, and charge your phone/computer.
  • Once you’ve cleaned up the mess, take five minutes and set yourself up for the morning. If you’re going to exercise in the morning, lay out your clothes the night before. If you take supplements or vitamins in the morning, set them out the night before. If you’re bringing lunch to work, portion out your lunch. This eliminates decision fatigue and your morning routine will take less time.
  • Take five minutes for yourself. Before you give it to the television, social media, etc., give time to yourself. You can sit and be quiet, read a book, have a cup of tea, or do a skincare routine.
  • Tuck your phone in somewhere other than your bedside table or in your bed with you. It creates fragmented sleep, which impacts your ability to fall asleep and stay asleep. You are more likely to stay up later in bed on your phone if it is near you.
  • Be intentional. Pick your bedtime and be very serious about it. Experiment with it until you settle into a consistent bedtime and give yourself a runway for your morning routine.

I am still struggling with setting a consistent evening routine/bedtime and morning routine. I know what I want to accomplish each morning, but often end up snoozing or sleeping through alarms. This is something I am working on! This podcast was a great reminder.

Inside Out Money – Smash or Pass? Common Financial Rules

This podcast covered common financial rules and whether the podcasters agree or disagree with them. Here are some of the insights.

Recommended:

  • Hold 3-6 months of expenses in cash in an emergency fund. Some people recommend 6-12 months of expenses in a high-yield savings account.
  • Save and invest at least 15-20% of your income in a high-yield savings account or in stocks/bonds.
  • 24/10 rule for buying a vehicle. Put down at least 20%, limit the car loan to no more than 4 years to avoid excessive interest, and spend no more than 10% of your gross income on transportation costs (car payment, gas, insurance, maintenance). If you have to drag out your car loan longer than four years to be able to afford it, you probably can’t afford it. The loan may be longer than the life of the car to you.
  • Only buy a used car to minimize the depreciation. Caveat: Only buy a new car if you can afford to buy it outright (no financing).

Common financial rules the podcasters do not recommend following and why:

  • Some people say your asset allocation of your investments should be 100 minus your age to determine the percentage of your portfolio that should be in stocks versus bonds. For a 40-year-old: 100 – 40 = 60% in stocks, 40% in bonds. Reasoning: That seems too high for a percentage of bonds and is not risky enough for long-term gains.
  • 50/30/20 rule for budgeting after taxes= 50% necessities, 30% for “wants”, 20% for financial goals (saving for retirement and paying off debt). Reasoning: It depends on your income. Sometimes housing and bills take up more than 50%. Try to save 20% minimum.
  • Gross monthly income (before taxes) – debt for housing shouldn’t be more than 28%. Debt-to-income ratio – no more than 36% of your total income should be going toward debts (car payments, credit card debt, student loans, etc.) Reasoning: 36% seems too high for debts.
  • Spend 3x your income on a house. Reasoning: It is overly simplistic and doesn’t take many factors into account. It depends on what interest rates are, how much debt you have, what the cost of living is, how much you’re putting down, etc.
  • Always put 20% down. Reasoning: That would limit many people from buying a house. If your interest rate is lower than a high-yield savings rate or lower than your investment returns, no need to put down 20%.
  • Cars should cost 10% of your annual income. So, if you make $50k, your car should be worth no more than $5,000. Reasoning: You wouldn’t be able to buy much of a car in that price range.
  • You should own a car for at least 10 years. It’s a solid rule. Reasoning: It isn’t advantageous to keep buying cars, but it may not work for everyone. Your needs may change.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – February 22, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

The Unf*ck Your Fitness Podcast – 4 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Unrealistic Body Standards
  • Many women have an unrealistic standard for their body in the timeframe they want to achieve it. We aren’t aware of the timeframe it takes to get to that standard. Also, many people don’t want to give up the lifestyle they want to live to achieve that standard.
  • The standards we are holding our bodies to are incredibly toxic.
  • Are your standards too high? Are you wanting to see shredded abs, toned arms, and perfect legs? If so, why? Why do you want these things? What about these things will make you happier or better? You are enough the way you are.
  • Are you holding yourself to someone else’s standard? Your friend’s goals don’t need to be your goals. Your friend’s insecurities don’t need to be your insecurities. Hold yourself to your own standard. Holding yourself to someone else’s standard takes you away from your own goals.
  • Do you hold yourself to an unattainable standard? Many bodies photos and videos are edited and airbrushed and filtered, so you shouldn’t look at their bodies as a goal that is attainable. The workouts that influencers are posting about are often not the workouts they are doing to get the body they have. People wouldn’t watch the videos of their actual workouts because they aren’t as fun to watch or they wouldn’t want to watch all of them.
  • Are you holding yourself to an old standard of yourself? Ex: you think you need to be the same size or weight as you were at a certain point in your life. Your life can be drastically different now compared to then. It probably wouldn’t be good for you to get back to that place. As we age, our bodies should change. As we have children, our bodies are different, and that’s a good thing. Are you holding yourself to an old standard? Do you really want to go back to the mentality that came with that standard, or should you accept that you can have a healthier, better body with a better mindset?

Your body can change and you can actually be healthier, stronger, and more confident. You can feel better than you did before.

Talks at Google – Jason Derulo – Sing Your Name Out Loud: 15 Rules for Living Your Dream

This podcast covered tidbits from Jason Derulo’s book, “Sing Your Name Out Loud: 15 Rules for Living Your Dream.”

  • Jason Derulo reads the comments on his videos on social media and finds way to constructively apply them. Jason looks for any way to be better by choosing to pick apart comments and choosing what to change.
  • Even though Jason Derulo has gone independent and was able to get a platinum record as an independent artist, he still sees the value in having a team. Independent artists are not typically the most successful artists out there, although there are anomalies.
  • Jason wants readers to know that there’s so much joy within the journey. When people talk about hard work, they make it sound like a bad thing, but those struggles can be some of the best memories to look back on. Looking back at where you started and where you’ve come can be satisfying. Find something you are passionate about and find happiness within chasing that particular outcome. Just because it’s hard work doesn’t mean it’s not fun.
  • People love stories of someone rising. It’s never too late to change your path. Some people on TikTok are old and very popular.
Life Kit – How to be a ‘supercommunicator’
  • This podcast was based on the book “Supercommunicators” by Charles Duhigg.
  • When we really connect with someone in conversation, it’s reflected in our bodies and our brains. Eye pupils start to dilate at the same rate, breath patterns start to match each other, heart rates start to match each other, and brain waves start to look like each other.
  • Communication is connection. In order to really connect, aim to have a learning conversation. Aim to learn about other perspectives in a conversation. Practice looping for understanding. Ask someone a question, listen to what they say, repeat back in your own words what you heard them say, and ask them if you got it right. Usually, the other person doesn’t know if we are listening or if we are just waiting for our turn to speak. By taking these steps, you will both trust each other more.
  • Matching isn’t as simple as mimicking someone’s body language.
  • Every discussion is made up of multiple different kinds of conversations: practical (solving problems or making plans), emotional (sharing how you are feeling and wanting them to empathize or listen, not solve a problem), and social (how we see each other in the context of society). Understand what kind of conversation you are having with someone and try to match.
  • Ask deep questions – questions about values, beliefs, or experiences. Their answers will tell you what type of conversation to have with them (practical, emotional, or social).
  • Prepare for conversations. Write down three topics you think you could discuss with strangers. Oftentimes, those topics won’t come up, but you can increase your confidence by being aware of them.
  • Almost any question that asks “why?” helps people open up. We are inviting the other person to explain who they are.
  • Be authentic. Supercommunicators tend to ask more questions, laugh more, and be authentic. If you say something that indicates you are struggling with something, they authentically listen to you and might share about themselves or ask questions about that.
Self Improvement Daily – “Be here now.”

“In a world that is busier, more distracting, and trying to hijack our attention more than ever, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to be present. Rather than having a moment to ourselves waiting in a line, we compulsively check our emails. Rather than focusing on preparing our meal, we have a podcast or Youtube video on in the background.

But if we’re being honest, does constantly seeking stimulation and splitting our attention actually offer the quality we want in our lives?

There’s so much more dimension to the present moment than we allow ourselves to see. When we choose to be present, to be here now (and not off doing something else or with other thoughts in the back of our minds), we allow the moment to deliver everything it has to offer.”

This is something I am constantly working on. Some of my best moments of connection in friendships have been when we are without our phones or other distractions – when we forget about the time and all of the other things that could be competing for our attention. These moments are so rare in today’s society.

Take a moment to immerse yourself in the here and now and be present with what’s happening around you, or else you might be missing something magical.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – February 15, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Before Breakfast – Ask for the slideshow
  • When someone is happily telling you about something in their life, ask them to show you photos. They will be thrilled to do so, and you will learn more about them.
  • Ex: wedding, puppy, gardening, home renovations, vacation, etc.
  •  It shows you are truly interested in them. You aren’t looking for an excuse to get away. The small talk may become more interesting, as pictures tend to nudge storytelling. It will make the person feel more valued and give you more insight into their life.
Chasing Life – The Big Business Behind Weight Loss Drugs
  • U.S. healthcare providers wrote more than 9 million prescriptions for Wegovy and other drugs used for weight loss, and that was in the last three months of 2022 alone! Demand has gone up since then and is expected to increase even further.
  • Some medications have resulted in 22% weight loss (22% of body weight); prior drugs resulted in a weight loss of 5-10% at the most!
  • Ozempic, Wegovy, Mounjaro, Zepbound – Zepbound came onto the market after Thanksgiving and is going faster than any of the previous drugs we’ve seen in this class.
  • Price is $900-$1,300/month for these drugs – many people are having problems getting insurance coverage for these weight loss drugs.
  • Medicare and Medicaid have a ban on coverage of weight loss drugs. There has been federal legislation introduced that is trying to change that.
  • Some people are turning to compounded versions of these drugs.
  • Late last year, the U.S. FDA had seized thousands of units of counterfeit Ozempic. The FDA is sending letters to online sellers warning them to stop selling these knockoffs.
  • These weight loss drugs are an expensive drug that people take for the rest of their lives – great for the pharmaceutical market
  • If you stop taking the drugs, you will probably regain the weight lost.
  • Some companies worry that those on these weight loss drugs will purchase less food since they aren’t eating as much, and companies will be impacted.
  • Companies are coming out with pills instead of weekly injections. Companies are also looking into the fact that you can have muscle wasting when you lose weight so fast, so some companies are working on trying to support your muscles as you lose all of the weight through combination drugs.
  • Stigma – people think others taking the drug are “cheating” and “should be doing the hard work” – they are taking medicines that doctors have prescribed to them because they think they could benefit from it. Some doctors have said that patients not taking the drugs are “choosing to stay the weight they are” because they aren’t taking the drugs.
The Jordan Harbinger Show – Kashmir Hill – Is Privacy Dead in the Age of Facial Recognition?
The Future of You – The Discussion: ‘Your Face Belongs to Us’ with Kashmir Hill
  • These podcasts were based on the book “Your Face Belongs to Us” by Kashmir Hill. I haven’t read the book, but I found these podcasts intriguing. In a nutshell, the author’s take is that our face belongs to lots of people who want to get good at tracking and identifying us.
  • Clearview AI went out and scraped billions of photos from the public web from social media sites and did it without anyone’s consent, and their database has 30 billion photos. You can upload a photo of someone you don’t know to Clearview’s app and it will pull up all of the photos of them that appear on the internet and will show you their name, social media profiles, etc.
  • Clearview limits use of its app to police and law enforcement agencies. Clearview made money off of their database by selling it to police departments and thousands of agencies around the world. Originally, they wanted to sell it to companies, grocery stores, hotels, and airports.
  • Clearview can show you headshots you know about, but can also show you Flickr photos, photos where you’re in the background of someone else’s photo, etc.
  • Casinos use facial recognition to keep out card counters.
  • Airports and airlines use facial recognition.
  • Facecheck.id  – upload your face and see where else it appears on the internet.
  • Madison Square Garden installed facial recognition technology in 2018 for security threats. The owner, James Dolan, realized he could use the system to keep out his enemies, namely lawyers who work at law firms who have suits against him, who he doesn’t like because they cost him a lot of money. In the last year, they scraped lawyers’ photos from their firm’s websites and created a ban list of thousands of lawyers. When they try to get into a game or concert, they get turned away. An entire firm gets banned, not just the lawyer working on the case. They are banned until their firms drop the lawsuits against Madison Square Garden.
  • Some people say it’s illegal because they didn’t obtain consent from the people included in the database. They claim they are just “Google for faces” – they are taking public photos that are on the internet and organizing them by face and making them easier to find. They take public and private information and make it easier to sort through.
  • We love to post faces and tag people online on social media. We are essentially handing over a bunch of information that helps companies make their facial recognition technology better.
  • More people are posting privately on social media now. People who have posted publicly have had photos come back to haunt them, have given people access to photos and information they didn’t want them to have access to, and have been included in databases they didn’t consent to.

Regulations:

European Privacy Law – you can go to Clearview AI and give them your face and ID and request that they remove you from their database. The drawback is that keeping you out of the database requires them to keep your face to create a “block list” so that your photos don’t surface.

  • Illinois has a law where you can’t use people’s voiceprint, faceprint, or fingerprints without their consent. Many states don’t have laws like this.
  • There are so many questions raised with facial recognition and voiceprints and a lack of regulations. We are relying on the benevolence of technology companies and hoping that they make good decisions.
  • We can pass laws and regulations about the use of facial recognition.

How far is too far?

  • Facial recognition ends anonymity as we know it. Police using it within reason can be a good thing. Companies using it to keep out shoplifters can be a good thing. Maybe we don’t want companies using it to discriminate people based on where they work or because they are a government official or investigative journalist.
  •  How far will this go? Could stores use facial recognition to discriminate against those who have left a bad review previously, who support a different political party? etc.
  • Russia uses facial recognition technology to identify protestors there against the war in Ukraine and gives them tickets for unlawful assembly for gathering to protest the war. China has used facial recognition technology to target people who look like Muslims entering businesses. A public restroom in Beijing kept people from stealing toilet paper by requiring them to look at a facial recognition camera, gave them a certain amount of toilet paper, and they couldn’t get more for several minutes!

https://passionplanner.com/blogs/content/self-love-affirmations

With Valentine’s Day this week, I enjoyed reading these self-love affirmations, even though I have a loving husband. Here are some of my favorites.

Self-Love:

  • I am proud of who I am.
  • The beauty of the world is reflected in me.
  • I am enough.
  • I will speak my own Love Language to myself.

Confidence:

  • What I have to say is worthy of being heard. 
  • I am capable of great things. 
  • I am exactly who I am supposed to be at this moment in time.

Anxiety:

  • I will survive this moment, as I have survived them all before. 
  • I trust the process.

Success:

  • I trust the timing of my journey.
  • I define my own version of success. 
  • I am qualified and exceptional. 

Health:

  • I trust my body to know what it needs.
  • I know my body best.
  • I deserve rest.

Healing:

  • I grow through all that I go through.
  • I am the writer of my own story.
  • I am grateful for who I am becoming.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – January 18, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Psych2Go – 11 Things You Should Say “NO” To
  • Toxic people – toxicity breeds negativity
  • People who make you feel unsafe –you have the right to feel safe and not on edge
  • People who disregard your emotional wellbeing and feelings –you deserve to have the freedom to express your feelings
  • Situations that make you feel unwanted –you are worthy
  • Negative self-talk –be reflective rather than critical
  • Comparing yourself to other people –everyone is different and unique, and everyone has their own flaws, abilities, and strengths
  • Bad partners –you have no obligation to stay in a relationship
  • Resisting growth and healing –you are your own masterpiece, and you can own every aspect of who you are
  • Needless waiting –you can’t recover your wasted time.
  • Letting other people’s opinions determining your worth –people will always have an opinion of you. Opinions are not facts.
  • Shrinking yourself to fit in –you’re missing out on the opportunities to grow and reach your greatest potential

Say no to the things that aren’t serving you so that you’ll be saying yes to a clear mind and happier life surrounded by more love and light.

Optimal Relationships Daily – Learning Better Marriage Communication Tools
  • Take more couple time alone – uninterrupted time for just the two of you.
  • Manage your own irritability and stress. Take care of your health and get adequate sleep.
  • Use your everyday life to reduce stress. Tune in as your partner talks about their day:
    • frustrations and irritations
    • the things they are proud of
    • the unpredictable events or people in our lives
  • Couples learn, over time:
    • They learned the cast of characters in each other’s lives.
    • They learned more about the worries and pressures each faced.
    • They offered no advice, criticism, solutions, or suggestions.
    • Instead, they offered a supportive listening ear, true friendship and empathy, and support and validation.
  • Ask for an ally, not a problem-solver.
  • Use touch to effectively communicate. Actions speak louder than words. Show you care.
  • Tune in to dreams, hopes, and aspirations. As you learn your partner’s dreams, hopes, and aspirations, both of you will feel more connected.
Life Kit – Popular myths about sleep, debunked
  • Myth: it doesn’t matter what time of day you sleep.
    • Truth: It does matter. Your circadian rhythm is influenced by natural sunlight in your environment. We need to get exposure to natural sunlight. Blackout curtains and wearing sunglasses on the way home in the morning (shift work) can help your circadian rhythm if you are a shift worker.
  • Myth: Being able to fall asleep any time, anywhere, is a good thing.
    • Truth: It takes a well-rested, healthy person 15-20 minutes or longer to fall asleep. Being able to fall asleep right away generally means you aren’t getting enough sleep.
  • Myth: One night of sleep deprivation will have lasting negative effects.
    • Truth: One night of sleep deprivation can happen from time to time and is normal. Try to get back on track as fast as possible.
  • Myth: Many adults only need 5 hours of sleep or less per night for general health.
    • Truth: Not getting enough sleep can result in compensatory naps. Sleeping for 7-9 hours each night is best for optimal health and well-being – improved heart health, longevity, brain health, etc.
  • The best way to get into the recommended range is to start adding 15 minutes to your overall sleep routine and add more sleep time as needed until you wake up feeling refreshed and have energy through the day without reaching for coffee or energy drinks.
  • Watching tv is not recommended before bed. Reduce screen time.
  • Make sure your bedroom is under 70 degrees when sleeping. Increasing temperatures results in more nightmares and more tossing and turning.
  • Myth: Exercising within four hours of bedtime will disturb your sleep.
    • Truth: Data does not back this up. Exercising can result in better sleep. Exercise releases endorphins, which are mood elevators and can help with the number one cause of sleep difficulties, which is stress.
https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5saWJzeW4uY29tLzEyNzUzOC9yc3M/episode/YTdhZmEwMmQtN2RkYS00OTM2LWI4OTYtYzJhYWQ3Y2Q0ZmM0?sa=X&ved=0CAUQkfYCahcKEwiQkJmwsOeDAxUAAAAAHQAAAAAQAQ

Talks at Google – Shelmina Babai Abji – 8 Strategies for Women to Emerge as Leaders at Work

  • What value am I going to create? What is it that I would know that they don’t already know? Speak up. You have ideas that matter.
  • Scan your mental chatter and intentionally pick a response that will allow you to show your worth. You are hired for one reason: the value you create towards the success of your organization.
  • Intentionally seek assignments that push you out of your comfort zone, that challenge your current competence, and that build new competence. The more competence built, the higher the value you create for your organization. The best way to build more competence is to step outside your comfort zone.
  • Listen and learn. When you step outside your comfort zone, if you’re not stumbling, you’re not pushing yourself hard enough. You’re learning as you’re stumbling.
  • Look back at who you were before you learned so much. Look at how far you’ve grown.
  • Who knows you? How are you known? The conversation about people that people are having in the room while they aren’t present is determining their career projection. The way people talk about you when you aren’t in the room is your personal branding.
  • Panel interviews – the person who gets the job depends on who around the table advocates for them. Find “sponsors” who will advocate for you.
  • Create a personal success plan. Every week, set aside time to reflect on what you’ve learned and what successes you’ve had in the last week.
  • Surround yourself with people who are celebrating you, or you become your own cheerleader. Don’t wait for anyone. Recognize that you have worked so hard to be where you are and achieve what you’re doing.
  • Focus on what you can control. Do not expend your time and energy on what you can’t control. Uncertainty is always going to be there.
  • You have limited energy and limited attention, and you get to decide where you’re going to allocate your energy and attention. Always be asking: Is this worthy of my attention? Should I be doing this task? Will it move me closer to my definition of success? Will it contribute toward the success of my organization? If not, learn to say no. Structure your days around your highest priorities.
  • Saying no can show people that you respect your attention, time, and energy. When you respect yourself, others will respect you.
  • When you go into a meeting, set intentions. If you don’t set intentions, you will be driven by someone else.  When you become intentional, you will not let their behavior drive your behavior. Behave in alignment with the brand you want for yourself. Show up as a leader no matter what. If you show up as a leader when the conversation is highly emotionally charged, people will remember that.
  • Be very intentional about who you seek advice from. If you have a mentor who is not challenging you, who is not contributing to your growth, or who does not have the capacity to advise you to move forward, you are blocking your success. Have multiple people you seek advice from and seek “sponsors” who support and advocate for you.
  • **Note that this podcast did not actually cover the eight strategies expanded upon in her book.**
Self Improvement Daily – Defeating Perfectionism

Perfectionism is an avoidance tactic and a form of self-sabotage. Perfectionism can lead to indecision, the limiting belief that you aren’t good enough, and never accepting something as finished. In order to overcome perfectionism, you need to take imperfect action and overcome self-sabotage to become that next, better version of yourself. That can only happen through taking action.

I have reflected on this quite a bit this week because it resonates with me.

Yesterday, January 17, marked one year at my job, a job I love and am passionate about. Yesterday also marked the end of week two of my post-graduate paralegal certificate program, which has been very interesting and demanding so far.

I had been discerning being a criminal prosecutor for *years* since college, yet I was hesitant to accept my current (non-attorney) role due to ongoing health issues and uncertainty in the number of appointments and treatments I would endure. I accepted the job anyway, even though the timing wasn’t *perfect*.

This past year, in my position, I decided to gather more information and talk to actual criminal prosecutors at my job and ultimately decided not to pursue being a criminal prosecutor – something I had been thinking about for *many* years. A paralegal certificate program was never on my radar. In the process of conversation and achieving clarity, I decided to go for it and pursue a paralegal certificate, despite not having it all figured out. 🤷‍♀️

The point is, I was uncomfortable and was waiting for the perfect time for everything: the perfect time to accept this job, the perfect time to gain clarity in my discernment process, the perfect time to start this paralegal program. Yet, if I had waited for the perfect time to take this job (when my ongoing health issues were resolved), I would not have come this far and discovered all I have. I would still be waiting. Boy, would my life be very different today if I had still been waiting for the perfect time to start. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – January 11, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

On Purpose with Jay Shetty – 4 Lessons I Will Be Taking With Me Into 2024 & How You Can Implement Them

In this world of wanting to be better, grow more, and learn more, we often put ourselves under more pressure and greater stress.

Lessons from Jay Shetty:

  • #1 – understanding stress as a spectrum – Look at stress as a spectrum.
    • Eustress – a positive form of stress having a beneficial effect on health, motivation, performance, and emotional wellbeing. During eustress, feel-good chemicals (endorphins) are released.
    • Distress– great pain, anxiety, sorrow, mental suffering, affliction, trouble, etc. We are often referring to distress when we talk about stress.
    • Are you putting eustress onto yourself, or are you putting yourself in positions of distress? Are you putting stress on yourself to feel better, motivate yourself, or move yourself forward, or are you putting stress on yourself and being critical of yourself for not getting enough done or not doing enough this year?
    • Putting yourself under distress makes you less productive, less effective, and less impactful. Guilt blocks growth.
  • Rigid thinking/a lack of flexibility – if you stress that you missed a day of your morning routine or an aspect of your daily habits, you are causing distress and you aren’t being realistic.
  • What one thing could you say you’ve done every day of your life without fail? Probably only breathing, eating, and sleeping

This point was eye-opening to me because I began focusing on daily habits in 2022, and although I have achieved some habits every single day since January 2022, I have been hard on myself when I haven’t been completely perfect with other habits.

  • When we get into these rigid patterns of thinking, that’s distress. It compounds stress. It’s not a “must.” It’s a “I get to,” “this makes me better,” “imagine what’s possible.”
  • Unrealistic expectations or perfectionism – caring too much can make what you are creating worse and can make you more anxious. Look at your life and reflect on how you can prepare but not overprepare and think but not overthink.
  • #2 – finding your center. Give up perfectionism. Accept that you might need to fail at something sometimes. In order to develop a healthy relationship with anything in the world, we have to find the middle and settle in the middle. Try not to be an extremist.
  • Most stressful events of life: death of spouse, divorce, death of a close family member, injury or illness, marriage, job loss, retirement

This goes along with daily habits. Learn to accept that you might not be able to be perfect every day; other priorities may come up. This is something I am working on.

  • #3 – being more compassionate and understanding of how others deal with stress – notice how unique and personal your relationship with stress is and how everyone’s experience is unique. Make a list of triggers for stress and create a plan to help you deal with stress.
  • #4 – Stop sleeping with your phone near your bed. Get a real alarm clock. Allow yourself to wake up and sleep without your phone. Scrolling on your phone results in going to bed later and full of ideas.

This is a tip I have read about time and time again, but I have not implemented it for a variety of reasons.

  • Know when to push yourself and when to hold back. If you can push yourself positively towards a goal you love with motivation, that’s brilliant. If you’re pushing yourself with negativity or negative self-talk, you need to hold back.
The Clever Girls Know Podcast – 10 Habits of Successful Women
  1. Successful women set goals and achieve them. Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timebound.
  2. Believe in yourself. Say affirmations to yourself, work on self-confidence, and believe you have what it takes to move forward.
  3. Say no sometimes. This gives you ownership of your time and lets you determine where you want to spend your energy and where you don’t want to spend your energy.
  1. Successful women make time for self-love and mindfulness. Take care of your physical and mental health in order to achieve your goals.
  2. Always have a backup plan to fall back on.
  3. Be comfortable with failure. Failure results in lessons in disguise.
  4. Know when to accept help.
  1. Strive for personal development. Never stop learning. Read, ask questions, leverage free resources, and spend time with mentors who help you grow.
  2. Successful women do not compare themselves to others. Comparison is the thief of joy. Instead of comparing yourself, ask others how they did it so that you can learn to achieve those goals as well.
  3. Accept the path and move on from mistakes.
All the Hacks with Chris Hutchins – Top 10 Takeaways from All the Hacks in 2023
  • Practice getting rejected to help boost your confidence and your ability to ask for things, and it might surprise you over the course of your life. To become more confident, focus on other people’s needs.
    • Constantly say, “tell me more.” Let people do the talking and listen and respond to their needs appropriately. What? So what? Now what? What happened, why is it important, and what are we doing next? When presenting, practice WHAT: Why you’re here, How are we connected, Anecdote or two, and Thank you or Toast.
  • Kindness is so important. Distinction between being nice and being kind – if you are delivering bad news, do it from a place of sincerity. Kindness leads to you flourishing.
    • Try to understand who you are trying to accomplish things for and make sure it’s what’s making you happy. This will lead to less resentment and more kindness.

Years ago, I read a book called “Rejection Proof” by Jia Jiang. Jia put himself in several scenarios to face rejection and build confidence.

  • Value your time. We need to value our time better. Get better at outsourcing, dropping things, or delegating things you don’t want to do. Calculate your “buy back” rate. Do a time audit and look at your calendar. Look at tasks you may be able to outsource that you don’t enjoy. Learn to say no to protect your time.
  • Learn the skill of spending. Get clarity on your spending; understand where you spend your money and be intentional about your spending.  Spend on the things you care about and cut back mercilessly on the things you don’t.
  • There are so many paths to happiness and success.
  • We are responsible for our own health. Exercise and eat well. Be an advocate for your health.
  • Eating well can be much easier. Find meal plans or recipes online, use the Paprika app, etc. Use a meal subscription service if needed. Eat the same thing on certain days. Ex: tacos on Tuesday.
  • You are in control of your own life. Set goals and do what you say you’re going to do. Brainstorm what your life would look like if time and money weren’t a concern: the relationship you have with your spouse, friends and family, health and fitness, travel and transportation, hobbies and personal expression, work and career, self-improvement, giving back, and celebrations and holidays. You may realize that you don’t need more time and money to live the life you want to; you just need to manage your time and money better.
  • Ditch plan B. It may hold you back. Prioritize spending time with optimists.
  • Take time to reflect. What did I change my mind on this year? What created energy this year? What drained energy this year? Who were the boat anchors in my life? What did I not do because of fear? What were my greatest hits and worst misses? What did I learn this year?
HBR IdeaCast – The Best Return-to-Office Policies Aren’t One-Size-Fits-All
  • It’s wild how things have changed. If a company in 2019 had allowed employees to work from home two days a week, they would have been seen as progressive, incredibly trusting, and an amazing employer. Today, if that same employer expected people to go into the office three days a week, it could be seen as unnecessarily rigid. Some managers want to bring people back into the office in the name of collaboration and company culture.
  • When should employees be in the office? How often? On what days? How should it work? What managers tend to get wrong is instituting a one-size-fits-all approach from the top down.
  • Leading organizations are shaping their return-to-office approach to help employees feel that they still have a sense of control and agency over their decisions and behaviors, are facilitating interpersonal connections, and are fostering more-inclusive onsite work environments. They are looking to create a workplace environment that employees will want to be a part of.
  • Many employees are wondering why companies are making people come back to the office if they have been functioning remotely anyway.
  • Research shows that 67% of employees feel that going back to the office requires more effort than it did pre-pandemic. We have become accustomed to the flexibility and autonomy over the last few years. Many employees are concerned about the cost of going back to the office.
  • 3 areas leaders and organizations should focus on to navigate this transition:
    • Balance of structure and freedom to preserve employee autonomy
    • Offer meaningful benefits like commuting subsidies, free or subsidized on-site childcare, food options onsite
    • Must be intentional about helping employees build connections that can lead to personal and professional growth
  • Leaders cannot simply rely on the physical space to build connections. Leaders also need to incorporate inclusion into the onsite environment.
  • Only 50% of employees feel that the onsite environment seems inclusive.
  • Employers can help defray the costs of coming into the office. Many employees feel that the costs of coming into the office outweigh the benefits. Ideas: have free or subsidized childcare, transportation reimbursement, free or subsidized lunch
  • Leaders need to bring employees into the conversation and take a data-driven approach to the mandate. Will requiring employees to go into the office solve all concerns about productivity, loss of employee culture, etc.?
Life Kit – 5 questions to ask your partner for a healthy, lasting marriage
  • Is there anything that you or I are not willing to give up once we’re married? Ex: a certain hobby like yoga or fishing a certain amount of times each week. You must respect what each person needs and set boundaries to create a thriving marriage. Identity your non-negotiables and your areas of flexibility.
  • Can you handle me doing things without you? There needs to be connection (togetherness) and autonomy. Be able to compromise on what you can do together and what you can do alone. An early sign of emotional abuse in any relationship is that a person wants to control a partner’s time.
  • When conflict arose, did your family use the silent treatment, calmly discuss disagreements, or slam doors? How will we engage in conflict? The way couples handle conflict is the single best predictor of whether a marriage will flourish. According to the Gottman Relationship Institute, 2/3 of marriage conflicts are unsolvable, so it is important to learn how to manage it. Indicators of divorce: contempt, defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling
  • What is the most you’d be willing to spend on a lamp? A pair of shoes? A pair of jeans? Are you on the same page financially? We need to have open and honest ongoing discussions about our approaches to finances and about our emotions about money.
  • Are you able to change diapers at 3 a.m. and miss important meetings if our kid is sick? Both partners should share, over time, equally, their talents and time. You don’t necessarily need equality, but each partner should feel respected.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – December 28, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

The Mel Robbins Podcast – How to Make 2024 the Best Year: 6 Questions to Ask Yourself
  • What are the highlights from the past year of your life? Don’t do this based off of memory alone. Look through your journals, calendar, camera roll, social media posts, etc.
  • What were the hardest aspects of this past year? Reflect on categories such as health & wellness, career/money/school, relationships, and purpose/spirituality/meaning.
  • What are all of the things you learned about yourself this year?
  • What would you like to stop doing? Ex: complaining, working so much, saying yes to everything
  • What would you like to start doing? Ex: strength training three days each week, a morning routine
  • What would you like to continue doing?
Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast – 10 Lifestyle Changes to Make You Fitter, Healthier & Happier in 2024
  • Drop one vice that’s holding you back. Think about what you need to get rid of instead of what you need to add. Where are you wasting a lot of time in your life?
  • Evaluate your circle. 4 quarters is better than 100 pennies. Aim to have more depth and quality in your relationships. Surround yourself with people who make you the best version of yourself.
  • Encourage more feedback from others.
  • Allocate more time to be creative – podcast, workout routines, art, music, etc.
  • Invest in yourself. That could be with time, money, energy, or all three. Read, take courses, hire a coach, etc.
  • Re-evaluate and develop a morning routine you can consistently do.
  • Invest in your sleep routine and sleep space.
  • Plan a getaway/trip you are looking forward to.
  • Take a daily media break, whether it be one day per week or even 30 minutes each day.
  • Go above and beyond. Set some aggressive goals. Aim to push yourself to go further.
Mary’s Cup of Tea – Clean Up Your Digital Space(s) Before the New Year
  • Cancel the subscriptions that you are not using. Review your bank statements for recurring charges. Do you use all of the streaming services you are paying for? If you share the same address, you only need one Amazon Prime account. You can still have different payment methods.
  • Clean up your photos. The key to remembering your life is to delete photos you no longer need. Delete selfies if you are done with them.
  • Delete screenshots you don’t need anymore. Make organized albums if you need to reference them often.
  • Go through the Notes app on your phone. Make organized albums if you need to reference them often.
  • Clean up your e-mail. Unsubscribe from e-mail lists you don’t need, block senders, etc. Make a new e-mail for only important stuff! Use your old e-mail for shopping, subscriptions, etc.
  • Unfollow people on social media who make you feel bad about yourself or who influence you to buy things often.
  • Delete your downloads folder.

I am definitely going to start working on this before the new year, as I have over 39,000 unread e-mails (mostly marketing e-mails) and thousands of screenshots and photos on my phone.

Hot Girl Energy Podcast – things that have made my life better…habits to take into 2024

These notes are from the podcaster. These are not my personal habits.

  • Don’t drink coffee on an empty stomach.
  • Get ready for the day no matter what.
  • Retrain your hair to wash it 1-2x/week instead of every day.
  • Create a skincare routine.
  • Body care – dry brushing, body lotion/oil, etc.
  • Go to bed earlier and wake up earlier to stay productive throughout the morning.
  • Add electrolytes into your daily routine.
  • Learn how to cook and make healthy, delicious meals.
  • Schedule workouts for the week in advance.
  • Drink less alcohol.

Here are some of my personal habits.

Some of my daily habits from 2023:

  • Read every day
  • Elevate and Lumosity apps (“brain games”) every day
  • Dishes before bed every day
  • One Line A Day every day
  • Podcast every day
  • One bottle of water each morning before work

Some of the best things I did for myself in 2023:

  • Turned off push notifications for e-mails and most apps
  • Started unsubscribing to some marketing e-mails
  • Took a leap and started a new job in an area I’m more passionate about
  • Started a wind-down routine before bed (reading instead of tv/electronics)
  • Started walking during lunch breaks when working from home
  • Attended monthly group hikes to meet new outdoorsy people and explore new areas
  • Started prioritizing a social life more, while still allowing myself to say no to some things
  • Finance: tracked all income and expenses each month and made necessary changes, moved funds to a high-yield savings account, rolled over retirement accounts to Vanguard (much lower expense ratio and more control over my investments), shopped around for home and auto insurance

Possible habit ideas for 2024:

Mental health:

  • No screen time after ___ p.m.
  • Spend 10 minutes outdoors each day
  • Sleep by ___ p.m. each night
  • Follow a morning and night routine each day
  • Write down three things you’re grateful for each day
  • Write affirmations each day
  • Schedule time for yourself each day where you won’t use electronics

Personal growth:

  • Read every day
  • Spend time learning something new each day
  • Listen to a podcast each day

Creativity:

  • Journal each day
  • Cook a new dish each week/month
  • Listen to a new song every day
  • Take one photo each day

Cleanliness:

  • Dishes before bed each day
  • Set a timer for 15 minutes each day and clean/organize
  • Put aside one thing to donate each day

Finances:

  • Save $___ each month
  • Set a budget and stick to it
  • Keep track of all income and expenses for the year

Physical health:

  • Walk ____ steps each day
  • Drink ___ oz of water each day
  • Keep a food log each day
  • Work out each day
  • Create a meal plan

As you consider habits for 2024, consider the following notes and questions from the book Life Worth Living:

“Life Worth Living: A Guide to What Matters Most” was written by Matthew Croasman, Miroslav Volf, and Ryan McAnnally-Linz, three Christian theologians and professors at Yale who teach the popular class, Life Worth Living. This book served as a guide to defining and creating a flourishing life, contained wisdom from many minds and cultures, and cited 276 sources. This book was incredibly thought-provoking and life-changing. ❤️

**I highly recommend everyone reads this!** This book encourages readers to reflect on the following questions (and many more): What matters most? What is a good life? Does our daily routine have a justification? Is what we do getting us what we want? What do we really want? What is worth wanting? Who are you responsible to? What do you admire most about those you admire? What feelings do you think characterize a genuinely good life? What are my highest ideals and deepest values? How big is your forest? Who and what is in your forest? What is worth dying for? Are there people or ideals you hope you would be willing to die for?

Your life is worth living well. Your life is too valuable to be guided by anything less than what matters most.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon! Soon I will be sharing a list of the books I read in 2023 as well as my plans for my blog in 2024!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – December 21, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Mary’s Cup of Tea – 5 Habits that Have Made Me a Better Person

In this episode, Mary reflects on the five habits that have made her a better person.

  • Reading – many people only “read” audiobooks or social media posts. Audiobooks often cause people to half-listen; they listen while doing something else. Reading books requires you to be fully present in reading. It forces yourself to slow down and process what you’re consuming rather than looking for the next best thing or next glamorous picture on social media. Reading makes you empathetic, thoughtful, conscientious, broadens your vocabulary, and allows you to understand and be understood because you have more words to describe something.

I can relate to this! In 2020, I started reading one book each month for knowledge or personal development. In 2021, I committed to reading 21+ minutes each day. In 2022, I read 30+ minutes each day and read 76 books (and took detailed notes about each one). This year, in 2023, I have read over 80 books so far. I have become more knowledgeable in a variety of topics, have experienced personal growth, have broadened my vocabulary, and have gained empathy and different perspectives.

  • Journaling – writing down things and looking back at them can make you realize that things weren’t as big of a deal as you thought, can help you brainstorm solutions, and can slow down your mind in the attention economy.

I also relate to this in a small way. I have been using my dated five-year One Line A Day journal for the past four years. I write a sentence or two about each day and am able to see what I wrote on that date over the course of five years. It has been interesting to read about my growth and life changes (careers, marriage, house hunting and home buying, etc.) and it is has often reminded me that the things I was stressing about turned out to not be such a big deal in the long run!

Photo courtesy of Buzzfeed

  • Singing and dancing randomly – fun, sparks creativity, happiness

I don’t do this often aside from singing in the car, but it sounds like a great idea to try!

  • Spending sober and cellphone-free time with loved ones – be fully present in mind, body, and spirit with those you love – swimming, playing board games, etc.

I love this idea. Two days ago, my Fitbit broke, and yesterday I spent time with friends (without my Fitbit and without my cell phone). I had so much fun and felt that I was fully present with them rather than worrying about what time it was, who was texting me, and what the latest notifications were. It was lovely!

  • Shopping second hand – buying things you want at a low price, buying quality items and saving money

I love a good deal on things that I actually want or need!

Healthy Beyond 40: 5-Step Method for Creating Lasting Healthy Habits for Weight Loss & Fitness
  • Think about your habit identity. Think about who you want to be and how your habits support that. Ex: “I want to be a healthy mom with patient, be present with my kids, and have energy.” That’s your habit identity.
  • What healthy habit will help support that identity? Focus on your fundamental needs: mindset, movement habits, or food freedom. Pick one habit out of one of those areas. Ex: meal prep.
  • Time – where are you going to find the time to do this? Plan out a schedule. Ex: meal prep on Sundays. Block out time to work on this habit.
  • Make a habit loop: cue, routine, and reward. Ex: the order you get ready in the morning. Idea: Any time you make a meal, cook extra protein for future meals.
  • Track your habits using a habit tracker. Slowly stack in new habits.
  • You probably have more time for habits than you think. Do a time inventory for at least one day. See how long you use your phone each day. Turn your phone off or disable notifications and remove distractions. Time block to get things done.

You can read about some of my habits and my habits journey here! I will post about my 2023 and 2024 habits at a later date! https://wordpress.com/post/readlearnshare.blog/44

Psych2Go on the GO – 8 Little Habits You Don’t Know Are Signs of Anxiety
  • Hair twirling
  • Picking at your skin – peeling skin, picking around nailbeds
  • Daydreaming or checking out mentally
  • Fidgeting or playing with something (tapping a pen/pencil)
  • Sleeping too little or too much
  • Being on social media too much
  • Talking too much or too little or arguing
  • Forgetfulness and lack of concentration
The Productive Woman – 10 Gifts to Give Yourself for the New Year
  • Time – give yourself the gift of time by simplifying your life, your schedule, and your space to leave more time for the things that matter to you. Evaluate whether your schedule and space are serving you.  Eliminate things that are using up your time that could better be spent on things that really matter to you.
    • Tangible gift: new planner, hiring help for tasks you don’t like to do (cleaning, yardwork)
  • Health – Often, when life is very full and we have several responsibilities and are taking care of everyone, the first thing we drop is taking care of ourselves. Schedule your medical, dental, and eye checkups. Carve out time to eat well, get enough sleep, and move your body every day. Evaluate your physical, mental, and emotional inputs and eliminate those that don’t contribute to your health and replace them with things that do.
    • Tangible gift: gym membership, personal trainer sessions, treadmill, fresh flowers, therapy sessions
  • Learning – be a life-long learner. Commit to setting aside time to learn something new each day or week. This can be through reading, podcasts, researching, or taking lessons.
    • Tangible gift: classes/lessons, conference, book
  • Perspective – learning to see things from a broader perspective is valuable for our well-being, our creativity and problem-solving abilities, our relationships, and our ability to resolve conflicts. Read or listen to something that comes from a different background or culture than yours. Have a conversation with someone you disagree with. Travel to a place different from where you live. Intentionally cultivate curiosity instead of judgment. Try the improv comedy technique: “yes, and…” You can dismantle limiting beliefs that have become habits of mind while cultivating the flexibility that will help you think creatively about future challenges.
    • Tangible gift: travel
  • Friendship – a strong support system. Be a support system for others. A life that matters most often matters in relation to other people. Schedule time to get together with friends. Pick up the phone and call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while.
    • Tangible gift: planning activities with friends (classes, getaway, etc.).
  • Forgiveness – Harboring unforgiveness and resentment impairs our own quality of life and productivity. Let go of the burden of resentment or blame and choose to forgive others to enhance your quality of life and allow yourself to be more productive.
  • Peace – get rid of conflict, strife, anxiety, and fear. The stress of constantly conflicted or anxious thinking can impact our physical health. Give yourself the gift of peace for your well-being and to be more productive. Practice quietness of body and of mind. Meditation and reading can help. Teach yourself to accept what is instead of fighting and resisting against it.
    • Tangible gift: investing in a meditation app, signing up for a retreat
  • Joy – happy people are more productive. Recognize, seek, and foster moments of joy. Intentionally create a life based on your own values and priorities. Look for joy in the small things. Ex: the laughter of a small child, a sunset, a gathering of loved ones. Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy.
    • Tangible gifts: arrange experiences that bring you joy
  • Adventure – make memories. Do one big adventure (a few hours) and one small adventure (one hour) each week or start by planning to do one new thing each month.
    • Tangible gifts: “Tranquility by Tuesday” book, set up an adventure somewhere new or try something new
  • Grace – give love, forgiveness, kindness, and peace. Give grace to yourself and others. Don’t be perfect; be real. Give yourself permission to not do everything. Never feel selfish for taking “you” time. Do one thing a day that you are proud of. Every day, look for something you are proud of in the people who are closest to you.
    • Tangible gift: buy yourself a piece of art that reminds you to extend grace.

I loved this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week! Are you setting your own deadlines? Are you in the driver’s seat of your life?

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/relying-on-deadlines

Relying On Deadlines

December 15, 2023

If deadlines are the only things that motivate you to get stuff done, then it pays to get better at setting and enforcing your own deadlines.

The alternative is waiting on other people to set deadlines for you. But then you’ll always be dependent on others for you to get your stuff done.

The problem is we hold the deadlines other people set for us as more valuable and important than our own promises to ourselves.

On the same note, this post on Seth’s Blog this week was a great reminder. We are in control of our lives and where we direct our attention.

Focusing attention is a skill

Focusing attention is a skill

Where we choose to direct our gaze determines not only what we learn or believe, but how we choose to see the world.

Typing is a skill. Juggling is a skill. So is project management.

It’s easy to overlook the fact that we can get better at what we think about, create and consume.

If we’re not happy with how external forces are stealing and redirecting our attention, we can change it.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – December 7, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Self Care IRL – 7 Pieces of Advice That Will Change Your Mentality
  1. Celebrate your unique journey. You are a one-of-a-kind masterpiece. Celebrate your flaws as part of your unique story.
  2. Conquer the comparison game. Comparison steals your joy and peace.
  3. Embrace the power of now. Understand the true value of now and embrace each moment. Find joy in the little things and live a life filled with purpose and passion.
  4. Cultivate a grateful heart. Gratitude is a mindset. Train your mind to always see the good in something to bring yourself more joy and reduce your anxiety.

5. Transform fear into action. When you do something you’re fearful of, you will boost your confidence and growth.

6. Build a vibrant community. Surround yourself with people who support you, challenge you, and inspire you to be better.

7. Empower yourself. You have the power to change your life. You can overcome adversity and achieve greatness.

The Mel Robbins Podcast – The Science of Your Gut
  • Bloated vs. gaining weight.
    • bloating= burping, farting, and/or constipation. When you’re bloated, your gut bacteria is off balance. The biggest tip when you are feeling bloated or distended is to not wear pants with buttons on them. Wear stretchy pants. Bloating can be caused by foods. Bloating can also happen when you’re swallowing a lot of air when eating too fast.
  • Foods that cause bloating in many people: brussels sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, sparkling beverages, gluten, dairy, artificial sweeteners, sugar, and alcohol
  • The gold standard for food-related gut discomfort is an elimination diet followed by adding that item back to your diet to see if that is causing your bloating.
  • If you’re already bloated, don’t go for raw vegetables like cauliflower and broccoli. This will cause further bloating.
  • Ibuprofen or aspirin will make you more bloated if you’re already bloated.
  • Give your gut more rest than the (up to) 8 hours you’re sleeping. Stop eating at least 2-3 hours before bed to give your gut more time to rest. Try to aim for 12 hours a day of giving your gut a rest from food.
  • Morning routine to reduce bloating: fasting (have I fasted for 12 hours?), fitness (any type of fitness, such as a 30-minute walk), then fermented and fibrous foods
  • The best form of debloating is exercise. Exercising in sunlight produces short chain fatty acids.
  • Your first meal of the day is your best chance to improve your gut and hormonal health. A perfect breakfast would be something like yogurt, nuts, berries, and ginger tea. A tofu or egg scramble with veggies is also great. Ginger and peppermint (even as a tea) can make your gut bacteria happy.  
On Purpose with Jay Shetty – 8 Strategies for Deeper Sleep & Boosting Your Energy All Day
  • Location has energy. Time has memory. When you do something in the same place at the same time every day, it becomes easier.
  • Take the tv out of your bedroom so that you are not using your bedroom as a space for being wired into something. It’s important to use your bed for only sleep and rest.
  • Your sleep is impacted by how you live when you’re awake. Slowly drink warm water first thing in the morning to kick off your digestive process.
  • Two hours before bed, lower the thermostat to between 60-70 degrees Fahrenheit. The temperature in your room impacts your sleep.
  • Cave-like darkness – blackout blinds and no lights. Darkness helps to stimulate the production of melatonin, a hormone that helps you fall asleep and stay asleep until you complete all sleeping cycles. Darkness promotes relaxation, which helps you fall asleep quickly. The brain is very sensitive and can detect even the slightest amount of light and stop the production of melatonin, which plays a huge role in helping you get quality sleep.
  • Circadian rhythm – when you get bright light in the morning, it can help you feel more alert during the day and helps you fall asleep faster in the evening. If you’re exposed to bright light within two hours of your bedtime, it can make you less sleepy and fall asleep later. Get exposure to sunlight within the first hour of waking up.
  • Getting a good mattress plays a role in quality sleep. Find the right material and support for you. 5-7 years is the average life of a mattress.
  • Yoga nidra + deep breathing exercises to lower your heart rate, your blood pressure, and stress levels to help you drift off to sleep
  • Know the best sleep positions. This chart is from Healthline.
Life Kit – How to make a better to-do list
  • Decide what matters to you in this moment. Come up with a big picture goal and consider the one thing that would make everything easier or better.
  • What do I want to be? What do I want to experience? What do I want to have?
  • Once you have a goal, break it down into actual steps and deadlines.
  • Decide whether you will have a paper or digital to-do list and hourly or daily or weekly layout.
  • Block out scheduled time for the task!
  • 2-minute rule – if it takes less than two minutes, do it right then and there. Don’t add it to your list.
  • Limit your to-do list to four or five doable tasks at a time. Don’t add to it until you’ve checked something off.
  • Pick something to let go. When you choose what to fail at ahead of time, you’re really changing your mindset and won’t feel like you’re failing. You’ll see it as a reminder of your values in this moment and what you’ve committed to.
  • To-do lists exist to serve us.
Inside Out Money – Step-by-step path to grow wealth
  1. Have some savings. Create a gap between your income and expenses.
  2. Have 6 months of expenses in an emergency fund in a high-yield savings account.
  3. Pay off all your debts except the mortgage.
  • Contribute up to the company match in your company’s 401k.
  • Once you’ve contributed up to the company match, contribute to a Roth IRA
  • Once you’ve contributed the maximum amount to the Roth IRA, go back to contributing to your employer’s 401k and work toward hitting the maximum contribution. Most people are not able to contribute the maximum due to their incomes/expenses. I am in this boat!
  • If you have maxed out your 401k for the year, max out your HSA account if you are eligible for an HSA.
  • If you have kids and are contributing to college expenses, contribute to a 529 plan. Some parents try to target around $200,000 total for funding a 529 (college plan)! Others don’t contribute to a 529 plan. That decision is up to you.
  • The next step is to pay off the mortgage.
  • Once the mortgage is paid off, open a taxable brokerage account. Invest in low-cost index funds across a broad market.

The podcaster discourages listeners from investing in target-date funds. There are very large bond mixes in them and they tend to be conservative in their allocations.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations that Matter

amybenoit

“We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations that Matter” was written by Celeste Headlee, a public radio host, and based on the wildly popular TED Talk with more than 10 million views. This book contained strategies for effective communication. Here are some of my favorite takeaways.

Our reliance on screens for communication is detracting and distracting from our engagement in real-time talk.

When communicating, explain what you want and what you expect and be honest. You first have to know what you want before you can express those expectations to someone else. Example: Are you looking to vent or to receive advice?

5 key strategies for a productive conversation:

  • Be curious. Assume that everyone has something to teach you. You already know what’s inside your own head. Open yourself to the surprise and discovery inherent in someone else’s perspective.
  • Check your bias. Consider how your thinking might be impacted if you’d been exposed to the same experiences.
  • Show respect. Listen to understand, not to endorse.
  • Stay the course. If a taboo topic comes up, don’t try to change the subject. Try to avoid getting frustrated and walking away. If you have nothing to say, just listen.
  • End well. Accept that you may not reach an agreement and that disagreement is okay.

Apologize. Apologizing acknowledges someone’s anger or sadness and validates feelings, drops their defensive posture and makes you no longer a threat, and prepares their brain to forgive.

Be there or go elsewhere. You must fully commit to a conversation or walk away. If you’re too distracted, admit that to both yourself and the other person. Be present or be gone. Don’t build your responses during your partner’s turn. Listen, be present, and put away your phone! Conversations require patience and focus.

The most effective method for learning to be present in conversation is meditation. Mindfulness meditation teaches you how to be aware of your body, your breathing, and your thoughts.

Think of conversations as a game of catch. ⚾️ Instead of shifting the conversation back to yourself, ask support questions that start with *who, what, where, when, why, and how.* Open-ended questions transfer control to the person responding.

Any time you enter a conversation, and especially when you are about to talk with someone who holds different beliefs than your own, ask yourself: What do you hope to get out of this exchange? What would you like to have happen at the end and how would you like to walk away from the other person? You can’t control what they take away from the conversation, but you can control what you get out of it.

Remember that everyone has something to teach you. Enter every conversation assuming you have something to learn.🧠

Research shows that when we repeat something multiple times, it increases our chances of remembering it, but the benefit isn’t shared with the person listening. In fact, people are more likely to tune out after the first time you repeat something.

Just because someone doesn’t say “Yes, I hear and understand what you’re saying” doesn’t mean that he or she didn’t hear or understand you.

If you don’t know something, say “I don’t know.” These three words can strengthen the bond between you and another person and are a gateway to further exploration and growth.

Be aware of how you communicate. Don’t get into the weeds and give unnecessary details. Determine what information is essential and what is not. Don’t allow your random thoughts to derail the conversation.

4 ways to increase empathy: active listening, sharing in other people’s joys, looking for commonalities with others, and paying attention to faces.

The best way to understand people is to listen to them. Seek first to understand, then to respond.

This book was very informational and served as both a guide for new tips and gentle reminders for effective communication!

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!