Tag: #gabethebassplayer

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – January 30, 2025

amybenoit

It’s been over a month since I’ve posted a Thoughtful Thursday post. I am discerning whether to continue with weekly Thoughtful Thursday posts or whether to post those less often so that I can post more book posts. With that said, here are some of the most interesting things I’ve learned this month!

The Mel Robbins Podcast – The Top Expert Advice of the Year

  • People will consistently give you what you allow them to give you. You are in control of two things in this world: what you give and what you accept. 
  • Boundaries are not walls to keep things out. Boundaries are bridges to let the right things in. 
  • Boundaries are meant to protect your peace and your energy. When you’re setting boundaries, ask yourself what you need in your life right now, what boundary you need to set that will lead you to what you need, and why you must stick to the boundary. What is it costing you not to stick to this boundary? Your future? Your peace? You tell people how to treat you by what you continuously accept. 
  • You spend more time trying to protect the battery on your smartphone than you do protecting your own or recharging your own battery. 
  • LET THEM is a boundary. 

I really enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/how-can-i-read-your-mind-better

How Can I Read Your Mind Better?

January 8, 2025

i.e. What are your unspoken expectations?

This is at the heart of so much heartbreak and frustration in this business.

Our personal expectations are ‘just the way it is’…and it’s easy to think they’re shared by others…or at least they should have read my mind by now.

It’s worth asking the people around you what they’re really hoping for. You’re sure to learn something new. Something they’ve been thinking all along but secretly expecting you to just read their mind.

You’re good but you’re not that good. You’re going to have to ask.

I am enrolled in UCC Contracts/Business Law and Probate Law this semester for my paralegal certificate program. I am not an attorney, and this is not legal advice. These are some fascinating facts I have learned so far.

For most contracts, the general rule is that while it’s not illegal to enter into a contract with a minor, the contract is voidable at the discretion of the minor. Once reaching the age of majority, they can also disaffirm contracts. The cases I read that stood out to me involved minors voiding arbitration clauses in contracts and voiding waivers of liability by voiding contracts. I believe this can be a risk of liability for employers who hire minors. For example:

Pak Foods Houston, LLC v. Garcia, 433 S.W.3d 171 (Tex. App.—Houston [14th Dist.] 2014) involved a personal injury claim. A minor filed a personal injury claim against a fast-food restaurant. The restaurant filed a motion to compel arbitration based on an arbitration agreement that the minor signed as part of an employment agreement. The court found that the contract was voidable, and the minor disaffirmed the agreement by terminating her employment and filing suit.

I’ve been intrigued by the many rules of Probate Law this semester and how different state statutes vary. For those with wills, a spouse cannot be disinherited in the will, but disinheriting children is allowed. Each state has a plan for the assets of those who die without wills. As an example, for those who die without wills in Minnesota:

524.2-102 SHARE OF THE SPOUSE.

The intestate share of a decedent’s surviving spouse is:

(1) the entire intestate estate if:

(i) no descendant of the decedent survives the decedent; or

(ii) all of the decedent’s surviving descendants are also descendants of the surviving spouse and there is no other descendant of the surviving spouse who survives the decedent;

(2) the first $225,000, plus one-half of any balance of the intestate estate, if all of the decedent’s surviving descendants are also descendants of the surviving spouse and the surviving spouse has one or more surviving descendants who are not descendants of the decedent, or if one or more of the decedent’s surviving descendants are not descendants of the surviving spouse.

In other words, if you are married without kids and die without a will, your surviving spouse gets 100% of your assets. If you are married with kids and neither you nor your spouse have kids with other people, your surviving spouse gets 100% of your assets. Yet, if you are married with kids and you or your spouse have living kids that are not biologically shared, your living spouse gets the first $225,000 plus 1/2 of any balance of the estate, and the rest gets split up between all of the kids (descendants).

My husband and I are doing the Bible in a Year series with Fr. Mike Schmitz, which has been so informative and interesting so far. One thing that has resonated with me so far is that many of us are pharaohs to ourselves. We make ourselves so busy that we don’t have time to think about God. We make ourselves so busy that we have made ourselves into slaves by saying “I have to do this, I have to do that” and all of the other things that we’ve set up. We’ve set up a pace of life for ourselves that is unmanageable, and we don’t have time for worship. God’s people were never meant to be slaves – not a slave to Pharaoh and not a slave to the pharaoh that lives inside of us. We are meant to be free so that we can truly belong to Him.

And if you aren’t religious, this can still also apply to several other areas of your life. What are the things that you are making yourself a slave to? Are you spending too much time working, scrolling on your phone, etc.? What are the things you say you don’t have time for? What are you doing with your time instead? Are you making time for the things you say matter the most to you?

Perhaps the most fascinating thing I learned this month was about the existence of the syndrome known as R-CPD (inability to burp).

What are the symptoms of R-CPD?

Additional symptoms, outside of the lifelong inability to burp or belch, can include:

  • Abdominal and/or chest bloating and pain
  • Excessive flatulence
  • Nausea
  • Gurgling noises from the neck and chest
  • Difficulty vomiting or fear of vomiting (emetophobia)

As shown, the chief complaints are GI-related. Yet, GI doctors (and many other doctors) are not aware of this condition, leading many to run numerous tests instead of asking the right questions. In an ideal world, when patients complain of bloating, gas, nausea, and gurgling, GI providers and other providers would ask “Can you burp?” If not, they should be treated for R-CPD. There are not many providers who are aware of and treat this syndrome.

Here is more information about it, such as the symptoms, treatment, etc. There is even a Reddit community for this condition: https://www.reddit.com/r/noburp

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – December 12, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Mental Performance Daily – Culture Killers

  • BCD – blaming, complaining, and getting defensive – transfer of accountability and responsibility
  • Be accountable, responsible, and coachable.
  • Another culture killer – me over we mentality – put team over yourself. When the team has success, you have success. When the team gets noticed, you get noticed. Don’t be an energy sucker.
  • Put we over me and eliminate BCD

TED Talks Daily – Why you think you look bad in photos

  • You’ve been looking at a reflection of yourself your whole life – looking in a mirror. Your brain gets a clear idea of what you look like. When you’re seeing a photograph, you’re seeing the reverse. Most of us are not symmetrical in our facial attributes.
    • Overcome this by looking at yourself in photos more.
  • You may not resonate with how you are being portrayed. Not everyone feels confident in photos.
    • Get curious and ask yourself what you’re struggling to accept about the image and whether it has anything to do with how you are being portrayed. Looking bad in photos has less to do with how you look and more to do with how you think.
  • You’ve taught yourself to hyper fixate on your insecurities.
    • Focus instead on who you were with, what you were doing, and how you were feeling the moment the photo you were taken. When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
  • We’ve put unrealistic expectations on photography and our bodies. Disappointment is the gap that exists between expectation and reality. Photography’s only job is to capture a fraction of a second, but we’ve made these fractions of a second create a big narrative – such as I look bad in photos – that prevent us from showing up and being present in our lives.
  • We’ve decided certain angles are better than others.
    • Accomplishments, achievements, love, passion, creativity, and brilliance don’t change between photos. Your children, pets, and grandchildren see you at your worst angles and don’t love you any less or care about you any less. You are worthy of being photographed.
    • We put pressure on how we are going to show up in photographs, and this pressure prevents a lot of us from showing up in photographs with and for the people we love the most.

Hidden Brain – The Secret to Gift Giving

  • Obligations are probably the single biggest reason that gifts are given in the first place, whether it’s for Christmas, a birthday, an anniversary, or a graduation. When you get a gift, it feels like you have to return that gesture at an appropriate moment – whether it’s at that moment, the next birthday, etc.
  • Recipients are often focused on the experience of the gift over the ownership of the gift. When you receive something, in the moment it might make you happy, but does it actually provide you value and utility and joy for the duration of owning whatever it is that you’ve received? Sometimes the things that bring you happiness in the moment are not the things that bring you happiness in the long-term.
  • The surprise is something that gift givers think is critical to a recipient. When I give you a gift, I have this belief that you will only value that gift if you don’t expect receiving it. That is simply not true.
  • A lot of people imagine that the reason gifts are exchanged is because we’re trying to make other people happy. But there are also selfish reasons for giving a gift, such as signaling who you are as a person and as a gift giver and signaling that you’re a creative gift giver. Sometimes people who think they’re creative make sure that the choices of gifts are creative even at the expense of the recipient. Ex: not giving the same gift to the same person another year and not giving the same gift to someone else
  • The cost of a gift is not nearly as predictive in terms of happiness of the recipient as people tend to think.
  • The research is pretty clear that recipients do not value socially conscious gifts as much as givers hope they would. Ex: charity donation, planting a tree, etc.
  • Idea: family spreadsheet – “Whenever one of us has a desire for an item of some sort that exceeds some minimum expense, we put it on there as a potential gift that we would love to receive at some point. And what’s nice about that is when it’s time to fulfill my obligation, I’m not racking my brain trying to figure out what would make her happy. It still maintains an element of surprise in the form of the timing of the object itself. She might know that she wants item X, but she’s not going to know that I’m going to give it to her at a specific time.”
  • Receiver is overjoyed when they get exactly what they want
  • Experiential gifts – less of a wow factor upon opening, but providing a very valuable experience down the road
  • Recommendation: if you’re going to give a gift, do it on a random day. The value that people get when they receive gifts on non-occasions is so much higher because they have no expectations.

I appreciated this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/the-next-episode

The Next Episode

December 6, 2024

We don’t have it. That’s what makes our lives different from the all the things we stream.

In streamer land we can always find out what’s next, we know the episode schedule, we have behind the scenes, we can binge it in two days and find out the end, or we can look up the end right now.

That’s why we’re drawn to movies and tv and podcasts and stories…because we long for a complete story where it all makes sense and the loose ends are perfectly tied.

But in real life we don’t have the next episode and we certainly don’t know the season finale. We’re living it.

I enjoyed this post from Seth’s Blog this week:

What if they’re right?

What if they’re right?

We spend a lot of time in our own heads, certain that our path and our method make sense. We often become more certain in the face of criticism or even suggestions.

This confidence is essential, as it allows us to lean into our project.

Once in a while, though, it might help to model the alternative. What if they’re right? How would that play out? If they’re right, what could I do with that insight?

If it’s helpful, run with it.

We can always go back to being right tomorrow.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – November 21, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Mary’s Cup of Tea – 5 Mantras to Get You Through Tough Times

  • Be here now.
  • This too shall pass.
  • Everything happens for me, not to me.
  • Emotions need motion. We can’t sit with our feelings for too long. You need to do positive and productive things to get the feelings out.
  •  Lead with love.

Life Kit – How to slow down when you eat

  • Signs you are eating too fast: hiccups, heartburn, feeling hungry right after eating
  • Mindful eating asks us to slow down and notice our food.
  • Most nutritionists urge us to take 20 minutes to eat a meal. It takes that long for your body to get the signal to the brain that you are full. If you eat fast, your brain is not getting that signal that you are full, causing you to eat too much.
  • Tips:
    • Allocate time to eat and only eat. Don’t use your phone while eating.
    • Engage your senses. Be with the food and notice the colors, scents, taste, texture, etc.
    • Pre-portion food. Take smaller portions to the table. Ex: put chips in a bowl ahead of time to keep you from overeating.
    • Chewing is important. Chew several times to ease digestion.
    • If you have limited time for meals, save some food to eat as a snack later.

5 contemplations of mindful eating

Before Breakfast – Make space for friendship

  • Studies show that people think they’d be happier with more friends, but what actually makes us happier is being considered someone’s best friend.
  • A better strategy is to be a dynamite teammate to 3-5 people.
  • Friendships start out with shared activities.
  • Choice theory says that we all have five inherent genetic needs: survival, power, love and belonging, freedom (self-expression), and fun. Friendships should have these elements.
  • The biggest mistake is that people don’t think about how their invitation lands in someone else’s inbox. Give specific times and locations.
  • Ask friends questions like “How can I help you? What are your pain points? Tell me what’s going on. How’s your job? How has your social life been?” Be an excellent teammate and be careful not to dominate conversations.
  • Make silence meaningful. Try to make a plan with someone very busy and say something like “If I don’t hear from you by ___, I’ll assume you can’t go.” By saying how you will interpret the silence, you are taking power and giving a kindness to the other person of “I understand you may not get back to me. Here’s how I will interpret a non-answer.”
  • Pick your elite tiers of people and commit to prioritizing them, being in contact with them, and seeing them regularly. Other connections are a bonus, but it’s not as overwhelming when you prioritize the top tier friends.

Law School Toolbox Podcast – Quick Tips – LinkedIn Best Practices for Law Students

Although I’m not in law school, I finally caved and signed up for LinkedIn after months of my professors and paralegal program classmates emphasizing its importance. I still have a lot to learn, but this podcast was helpful!

  • LinkedIn is the go-to professional networking platform
  • Your profile is often the first impression you make on potential employers for connection.
  • Use an up-to-date professional photo. Pay attention to your background.
  • Headline – title should be specific, not generic.
  • If an employer searches for terms you used in your title, your profile will likely appear closer to the top in their search results.
  • About section – summarize who you are, what your goals are, and how you achieved them. Who you are now, who you were before (what did you do/where did you work), who you aspire to be (what type of law, etc.) Try to add your personality into the mix.
  • Experience section – list all relevant experiences. Instead of using bullet points, write a full paragraph telling the story of your accomplishments, activities, and roles in each position. Be specific about your duties and outcomes.
  • Education – all higher education. Include activities and extracurriculars. Be specific about your roles. Include awards you received.
  • Licenses and certifications – NSLT, Lexis Nexis legal research certification course, etc.
  • Publications
  • Start by connecting with people you know – classmates, family members, friends, old coworkers, and professors
  • Use LinkedIn to connect with alumni from your school who work in the area of law you are interested in. Reach out to attorneys who work in areas you are interested in.
  • Like and comment on posts from your connections. Share your own updates, too.
  • Always maintain professionalism in every aspect of your profile. Proofread everything. Keep your profile updated and current. Quality over quantity for connections.

I enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/what-time-do-you-open

“What Time Do You Open?

November 14, 2024

You get to pick. But whatever time you post on the door we expect you to be fully open. Not a limited menu. Not partially attentive. Not just half the vibe.

Whatever it’s like when we walk in, we assume that’s the way it always is…so for whatever way you want to known, it starts from the time you open.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – September 19, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Living Daily – If You’re Feeling Stuck, Look Inward by Emily Rose Barr

  • If you’re feeling stuck on a relationship, a longtime goal, a time-consuming project, a career move, or some other aspect of life, pause and look inward. Utilize this period as an opportunity to:
    • Get to know yourself better. Ask yourself what makes this decision challenging and examine your answers closely. Use them to hone in on your values and what matters most to you.
  • Connect with others. Being vulnerable fosters deep relationships and engenders feelings of safety and understanding when we experience the gift of being heard.
  • Recognize your limits. Ask yourself what you could do differently that would make the option of sticking things out more appealing. Decide which variables you can start to conquer.
  • Recharge. Give yourself space and time to recharge. Switch up your surroundings, go on a walk, sleep, etc.
  • Practice gratitude. Take a moment to reflect on all that is going right in your life and be grateful.

I really enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/thoughts-and-actions

Thoughts And Actions

September 16, 2024

“If you’re not going to do something about it, stop thinking about it.

If you’re not going to put action behind the things you spend a lot of time thinking about, it’s worth thinking of something else. Something that you’re going to move from thoughts into actions.

Your time and your thoughts are precious and powerful so it’s important to spend them in ways that make a difference to yourself and to others.”

Life Kit – Boost your mood in 15 minutes

  • Cold plunging – submerge yourself in cold water. A quick dip in cold water can improve your mood. Find a body of water in the 50–60-degree range and prioritize safety. Plan to warm up fast after.
  •  What is the least amount of movement needed to offset the risks of sitting? Just taking a 1-2 minute walk each hour helps to lower blood pressure (as opposed to sitting for 8 hours straight at work). Walking/movement five minutes per hour = more impressive results – lower blood pressure, less fatigued, better mood. If you have a few minutes, move your body for a better mood.
  • Create something. Make art – color, paint, pottery, etc.
  • NPR Joy Generator app
  • Tap into ASMR to calm your mind.
  • Watch cute animal videos or cuddle with your cat/dog.
  • Reflect on memories/nostalgia. Go through your camera roll. Listen to old music hits.

The Liz Moody Podcast – 5 Things I Did to Fix My Phone Addiction

  • Treat the dopamine problem with dopamine solutions. Intentionally seek out hard things – a cold shower, a challenging crossword puzzle, allowing for discomfort each day. Exercise. Move your body every day. Less addicted to phone, more dopamine
  • Turn your phone to gray scale. Makes phone unappealing – less bright addictive colors
  • Remember the 23-minute rule. Science shows the need to check your phone is temporary. If it takes you 23 minutes to get into a state of full focus after checking your phone, remind yourself that if can make it through 23 minutes, you will enter a state of flow and focus.
  • Create physical barriers to being on your phone. Phones are designed to be more powerful than our willpower. Don’t have your phone in the room when you’re trying to get work done. Use an alarm clock instead of your phone. Brick device – Iphone only

https://apps.apple.com/us/app/brick-ditch-distractions/id6448794069

  • Create a “What do I really need?” menu. What are you looking for your phone to give you right now? Joy? Consult your joy list – getting out in nature, singing, coloring, reading, walking, music, etc. Bored? Novelty-reducing boredom – plan something fun. Rest? Nap, meditate, read, etc. Every time you reach for your phone, ask yourself what you really need and brainstorm options that satisfy that need on a deep and true level.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – August 1, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Living Daily – How to Find Meaning in Life: 7 Steps to a More Fulfilling Existence
  • Define what it is that you want in life. What are your goals and aspirations? What brings you happiness and fulfillment? Be clear about what you want.
  • Connect with others and build meaningful relationships. When you have close relationships with other people, they can provide a sense of connection and purpose. Get involved in activities that bring you together with other people, such as clubs, groups, or social events.
  • Find your passion and do what you love every day. What are you interested in and what do you love doing? When you’re passionate about something, it brings a sense of joy and excitement into your life. You’ll be more motivated to pursue these interests, and you’ll feel more fulfilled when you’re doing them. Explore different activities and interests and see which ones make you feel the most alive.
  • Serve others and make a difference in the world. Helping others can give your life purpose and meaning. You’ll feel more connected to something larger than yourself, and you’ll have a sense of satisfaction from knowing that you’re making a positive impact in the world.
  • Live in the present moment and appreciate the here and now. When you’re constantly living in the past or future, you miss out on all the beauty that exists in the present.
  • Be accepting of change and understand that things will not always go according to plan. When you’re constantly expecting things to stay the same, it can lead to disappointment and frustration. When you accept change and understand that it’s a normal part of life, you’ll be more prepared for when things don’t go as expected.
  • Be your most authentic self. When you’re being genuine and true to yourself, it helps you connect more with others and build meaningful relationships. It allows you to live a more fulfilling life since you’re not pretending to be someone that you’re not.
The Jordan Harbinger Show – Sovereign Citizens – Skeptical Sunday
  • Sovereign citizens are people who don’t acknowledge the legitimacy of the United States government – don’t pay taxes, don’t have IDs, don’t register their cars, or acknowledge zip codes
  • They don’t believe the police or the courts have jurisdiction over them. They are not subject to the laws of the United States of America.
  • They represent themselves in legal matters and use pseudo legalese.
  • The roots of the movement grew out of White Nationalism. The modern sovereign citizen movement has an African American branch, the Moorish Sovereign Citizens.
  • Some sovereign citizens believe there are two classes of citizens within the United States: sovereign (original) citizens and federal (U.S.) citizens. Sovereign citizens have all of the rights of the Constitution but federal citizens don’t. Federal citizens voluntarily surrendered their freedom in exchange for benefits from the U.S. Government. Sovereign citizens renounce federal citizenship and reclaim the rights as common law citizens.
  • Sovereign citizen arguments have no basis in law and have never been successful in court.
  • Sovereign citizens believe that you are not the person on your birth certificate. The birth certificate is its own entity. A birth certificate is ALL CAPS, a separate entity. They insist that the corporation that is the U.S. Government uses citizens as collateral to the Federal Reserve.
  • Sovereign citizens believe that as long as they don’t travel for commerce or cross state lines, they don’t need a license or registration. They will paint private use on their vehicles and issue themselves license plates.
  • Gurus sell sovereign citizen ideology. They appeal to desperate people, such as people in foreclosure or debt.
  • Gurus sell diplomatic immunity cards. If they create their own country and issue themselves cards that say diplomatic immunity, they believe they will have diplomatic immunity. Gurus also sell how-to books and membership cards. They are really just selling hope.
  • They believe that not only are you out of debt because your birth certificate is the one who owes the debt, not you, but that there is a bunch of money waiting for you somewhere. The corporations masquerading as our country owe you money.
  • Straw man account is the bank account attached to the corporate entity on your birth certificate (ALL CAPS) and this bank account is overflowing with cash – known as redemption. According to the sovereigns, the government set up secret bank accounts in our birth certificate names. They believe that with the magic words and forms, you can access it.
  • In 2016, the IRS discovered a sovereign citizen straw man scheme but only after issuing more than $43 million to sneaky sovereigns.
  • Bond process – by submitting the right set of papers, sovereign citizens believe they can wipe out their mortgage, tax bills, and student loans. Many people find themselves in the sovereign citizen movement through financial desperation.
  • There are between 200,000-300,000 people who consider themselves sovereign citizens.
  • The courts often reject sovereign citizen arguments without much explanation. No sovereign citizen has ever successfully argued their points in a court of law.
The Personal Finance Podcast – How Much Should You Spend on a Family Vacation?

This episode really surprised me. It suggested that people should aim to spend 5-10% of their net income on vacations (without going into debt). I definitely spend much less than that and instead have prioritized saving for retirement and short-term needs. I am curious to hear your thoughts about this!

  • You should never go into debt for a vacation.
  • Know your NET monthly income and monthly expenses. Know how much debt you have.
  • Have your emergency fund fully funded. 3-6 months of expenses
  • Be on track to hit your retirement goals. Investing your dollars is the only way to prepare for retirement.
  • Look at your short-term goals. Prioritize those goals.
  • Calculate your disposable income. Determine if there are any savings earmarked for vacation. Put savings in a high-yield savings account.
  • Automate savings using discretionary income – example: 5-10%
  • Once you build wealth, you may be able to spend 20-30% of your income on vacations.
  • By income:
    • $40k: 5% of net income – $2k per year on vacations/ 10%: $4k per year on vacations (will need to travel hack)
    • $60k net: 5%: $3k per year on vacations/ 10%: $6k per year on vacations (travel hack or side hustle)
    • $80k net: 5%: $4k per year/ 10%: $8k per year on vacations
    • $100k net: 5%: $5k per year/ 10%: $10k per year on vacations
  • Look for ways to increase your salary, get a side hustle, or learn to travel hack.

This post from Gabe the Bass Player stood out to me this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/chances-to-connect


Chances To Connect

July 31, 2024

“If you are looking for chances to connect you will find them all over the place.

You’ll probably have to go first. It might be a little weird. It will be scary. You might not get the response you’re hoping for. You might over share. You might ask the wrong question. Your effort might not get reciprocated.

But it beats the alternative…

If you’re not looking for chances to connect, the depth of your relationships and your relational maturity are at the mercy of others’ initiative…and your indifference.“

This was a great post from Seth’s Blog this week:

“It seems…”

“It seems…”

“What a simple verb. A five-letter modifier that opens the door to discussion.

If we state something as a fact, we’re asking for an argument.

But seems opens the door to learning and discussion.

What are you seeing that I’m not seeing?”

Often times we fail to see or consider other perspectives. We state something as fact, argue with others, and put the blame on others. We tell ourselves stories and accept them as truth. We forget that our feelings and thoughts are not facts. One phrase I’ve learned in therapy is “The story I tell myself is…” This phrase has been really helpful. Rather than put blame on others, verbally attack others, or believe my thoughts are truth, I put my thoughts out there with that phrase – and I have noticed that sometimes my perspective was wrong. I assumed incorrect intentions, didn’t have all of the context, etc. What story are you telling yourself?

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – July 11, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Real Simple Tips – Here are 6 Home Upgrades That Are a Waster of Money
  • These features won’t add much value to your home according to real estate agents:
  • Swimming pools – come with a lot of upkeep – can put off potential buyers who aren’t keen on the additional responsibility – also increases price of homeowners insurance
  • Extensive landscaping with exotic plants – can turn off future buyers – need a lot of care
  • Garage conversions – converting a garage into a living space can reduce overall functionality. Instead, find a way to make a room more versatile.
  • Motorized blinds – wildly expensive and don’t give any added design ambiance compared to regular blinds and shades
  • Sink moved to center island – mistake to move the kitchen sink to the island – people want an island free from the clutter of dishes and drying racks
  • Smart home technology systems – convenient, but will likely become obsolete quickly and will need to be updated or replaced
Life Kit – Staying safe in extreme heat
  • Millions of people are experiencing what the National Weather Service is calling the first major heat wave of the summer. The local heat index could reach 105 degrees in some places.
  • When we are exposed to heat, our body has ways to dissipate it and keep us cool, but when we are exposed to certain environments and certain temperatures, sometimes our body just can’t keep up.
  • Keep your body as cool as possible. Stay hydrated with water, avoid alcohol during extreme temperatures, and wear loose-fitting clothing to help lower your body temperature.
  • When dealing with extreme heat, it’s important to find the coolest place possible to be in if you need to be outside. If you are inside, use the air conditioning or go to the coolest place in your house.
  • Stay informed with the heat index. Check weather updates and try to be proactive in protecting yourself against the heat.
  • Know when to seek medical help – heat exhaustion and heat stroke. Symptoms of heat exhaustion can be broad and different for everyone: feeling weak, dizzy, nauseous, vomiting, excessive sweating. With heat stroke, you’re red, hot, and dry and you aren’t able to sweat. Heat stroke is a medical emergency.
The Mel Robbins Podcast – 13 Things I Wish I Knew in My 20s
  • The idea that the 20s are the time of your life is bull. It might be one of the hardest decades of your life, so give yourself more grace. You will figure it out.
  • Stop spending your money on stupid stuff. You need to take control of your addiction to buying things. Spending money that you do not have on the things you do not need does not give you power; it makes you feel powerless. Keeping up with the ever-changing trends is not serving you and your happiness.
  • You have so much time. You have plenty of time to figure out your life, your career, your love life, your friend group, etc. Social media is warping your perception about what it takes to be successful. Don’t be triggered by other people’s timelines. Trust the timeline of your life.
  • Date the person, not their potential. Be in a relationship with the person they are right now, not the person you wish they were.
  • It’s not fair. Don’t let yourself play the victim. You can’t change what’s happening around you, and the sooner you accept that, the freer you will feel.
  • Define your career wins not but the quantity of your paycheck but by the quality of your circle. Focus your time and energy on making meaningful connections. People will get you further in your career than any single paying job on your resume ever will. Your connections matter.
  • Be kind. Go above and beyond to make other people feel appreciated and seen.
  • You don’t get to want something if you don’t ask for it.
  • A rock-solid morning routine is the fastest way to take control of your life. You need structure to your day, and how you set the day up is how it ends up. Core 5 practices from Mel: get up when the alarm rings, get outside and get five minutes of sunlight, take a walk without listening to music or a podcast, drink a glass of water, and have some kind of mindfulness practice such as journaling
  • Get serious about who you are hanging out with. What are their habits? Are the five people you are spending the most time driven? Do they have goals? How do they treat you? How do they make you feel? Can you actually open up and be yourself with them? Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you.
  • Be your own person. Stop pretending to like things that you don’t. Live authentically. Learn to make your own choices. The fastest way to figure out what you like and who you are as a person is by doing things by yourself because then you don’t have the pressure of managing the person with you and whether or not they like the thing that you are doing. Explore your interests alone.
  • You are not in competition with anyone. Success, happiness, and friendship are in a limitless supply.
  • Take the biggest risks of your life right now. You have time.

I really enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/charging-for-the-chapel

Charging For The Chapel

July 9, 2024

Would Michelangelo have painted the Sistine Chapel if he hadn’t been commissioned by the church, being paid along the way?

Probably not.

It’s ok for you to charge (lots of) money for the thing you’re good at too.

The paradox of lessons

This post from Seth’s blog emphasized the power of learning:

“The paradox of lessons

The people most likely to sign up for coaching or additional learning are the folks who are already good at their craft.

“I’m terrible at this,” can lead to, “and I don’t want to be reminded of it.” Or perhaps, “I don’t want to waste their time,” or, “I’m never going to get better.”

When it’s possible to get better, embracing mediocrity isn’t a useful strategy.

I’d rather have a surgeon who regularly attends trainings, wouldn’t you?

Read a book, find a coach, organize a group. If you’re serious about getting better, you’ll improve.

Learning creates more competence but first, it amplifies our feelings of incompetence.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – June 27, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Relationships Daily – When Your Expectations of Others is Making You Frustrated
  • Our expectations of others often cause our own struggles and frustrations. The frustrations with others are caused by our own expectations. We want people to behave differently than they do, and we get frustrated when they don’t act the way we want them to.
  • Without the expectations, we could be happy and at peace. We could see the good in others instead of only how they fall short of our expectations.
  • Think of the expectations you have of others as an imaginary bubble you’ve created and pop the bubble! Without the bubble, you are free of expectations! What is the other person like without your expectations of them?
  • Practice compassion for others. They are probably reacting in a habitual way from fear and pain.
  • Don’t take anything personally. Whatever the person does is about them.

I came across this poem this week and it resonated with me.

Let Them Poem By Cassie Phillips
“Let Them” by Cassie Phillips

“Just Let Them.
If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.
If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.

If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.
If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.
If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.
If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.

If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM.

Let them lose you. You were never theirs, because you were always your own.
So let them.
Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.
Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.
Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life.
Let them earn your forgiveness.
Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.
Let them take you out on a Thursday.
Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to.

Let them have a safe place in you.

Let them see the heart in you that didn’t harden.

Let them love you.”

You have to accept yourself just as you are without having to make changes for others. If you feel that you have to change to maintain a relationship, and if that change is always one-sided, that relationship may need to be given consideration.

You deserve to be valued and to feel valued. You are the only one who has control of you unless you give that control away to someone else. Have a big conversation with yourself about where those boundaries need to be. Self-care involves putting yourself and your considerations at the top of the pile. If others aren’t doing it, you must do it.

On Purpose with Jay Shetty – If You’ve Been Feeling Drained…Listen To This
  • Studies show that we have 60,000-80,000 thoughts per day and 80% of those are negative or repetitive.
  • Principle 1: Accept and action – acceptance followed up by an action. Ex: I’m really drained, and so… I’ll go to bed early tonight. I’m really drained, and so… I’ll cancel going to that event this weekend.
  • Stop ignoring your repetitive thoughts, feelings, and emotions. They are repeating for a reason. They want you to pay attention.
  • Principle 2: You don’t always have to be at 100% energy. Be able to say to yourself and to others why you aren’t at 100% and be able to communicate your challenges. When can you be at 50% energy, and what does it look like in communicating that? How can you give your best tasks your best energy? Time block.
  • Principle 3: It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to cancel social events or to decline. Burnout, exhaustion, and feeling drained are not worth anything.
  • Principle 4: Stress is when you are demanding too much of your body and mind. Be strategic with your time. Ask yourself whether it is necessary to take something on right now. Which of your meetings can be solved with an e-mail?
  • Principle 5: Have a reset day, hour, or half-day. Make it a perfect day. Carve out time that’s fully under your control.
  • Principle 6: Be kind to yourself. When you are feeling drained, ask yourself how you can be kinder to yourself. The voice in our head is often criticizing ourselves about how we can be and do better. If we are stressing ourselves, we are draining ourselves from within. If you were kinder to yourself, what do you believe you would achieve?
  • Principle 7: Allow yourself to vent and let it out. When you talk about stress with the right people, it makes you feel lighter. Let that stress out. Distance yourself from the stressor if you can.
  • Principle 8: Get restful sleep. So often we are trying to solve something in our mind when we need to solve it in our body. If you’re struggling with your body, figure out what you can change in your mind. Sleep, diet, exercise, hydration, and stress management are all important in managing burnout.
  • Principle 9: Wash your mind the night before. What do you want to leave behind today? What are you going to wash away today? Wash your mind the night before and leave the draining behind.

I really liked this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/running-its-course

Running Its Course

June 25, 2024

Things don’t run their course. The band, the relationship, the project.

We simply decide to stop putting the necessary energy into it to keep them going.

Things don’t have an inherent course of their own. And things don’t have an opinion or get tired or burnt out or lazy or lose interest or get a new dream or desire.

People do.

So when the thing is over let’s be honest about why it’s over. It isn’t the thing’s or the course’s decision.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – June 13, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Mary’s Cup of Tea – Feeling Behind in Life? Listen to this
  • If you’ve been validated based on meeting or exceeding expectations, then when you don’t overachieve, you feel the complete opposite and feel like you are failing or falling behind. What if you aren’t falling behind but are where you need to be but you’re so used to being validated by external arbitrary expectations?
  • If you are constantly trying to perform, perfect, achieve, and do, you are disconnecting from the “being.” You’re turning yourself into a human doing rather than a human being.
  • Feeling behind in life is a result of comparison. It’s about comparing yourself to others based on external factors.
  • If you believe the solution to feeling behind is to catch up and get ahead, that is still comparison. That is still basing your worth and feelings of security, confidence, and assurance on some random arbitrary timeline.
  • “If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.”
  • It’s only a success if it’s aligned with your true desires. What some of us view as successful is not what the “achievers” deem successful.
  • When you compare yourself to people who graduated, got jobs, got married, reproduced, bought cars and houses and vacations, not only are you doing a disservice to yourself, but you’re also contributing to the narrative that “success” is measured by external achievements rather than inner fulfillment.
  • Whose ruler are you using to measure your success? Is that aligned with your true desires and values? Who is judging how behind or ahead you are? Is it society or that external validation voice you’ve internalized? Why are you continuing to use that against yourself? We are all paving our own way.

This podcast really resonated with me because sometimes I have felt “behind” in life. Nine years post-college, I am now pursuing a paralegal certificate, I don’t have kids yet, I haven’t traveled the world, and, although I am proud of many things in my life, my life doesn’t look like what I thought it would at my age. Yet, some people I know have compared themselves to me. It is easy to fall into the comparison trap.

Optimal Health Daily – The Five F’s That Keep You Stuck in Chronic Pain

Living with chronic pain, fatigue, or other persistent symptoms can feel like an endless battle, consuming every aspect of your life.

The Five Fs that keep you stuck in chronic pain and symptoms

Fear – constantly reacting to the symptoms with fear will intensify your suffering, and the anticipation of discomfort will lead you to avoid certain activities or movements, perpetuating the cycle of pain and anxiety.

  • Confront these fears head-on through education, reassurance, and gradual exposure to previously avoided activities. Challenge irrational beliefs and perceptions.

Fixing – medical interventions have their place, but often fail to address the underlying emotional and neurological factors contributing to chronic illness.    

Focus – where you focus your attention matters.

  • Learn to redirect your focus away from pain and toward things that bring you joy.
  • Frustration – living with chronic pain often breeds feelings of frustration, especially when you’re putting in so much time/money/effort to healing.
    • Be patient with yourself and accept where you are on your path to recovery. Embrace the process as a gradual and non-linear journey.
  • Fighting – can exacerbate your suffering. What you resist persists.
    • Surrender to what is and practice acceptance. Acknowledge your pain and allow yourself to experience it fully.
Life Kit – Fiber has tons of benefits. Here’s how to eat more of it
  • Fiber keeps you regular, lowers cholesterol, helps regulate blood sugar levels, keeps your hunger in check, and is the primary food source for microbes that live in our guts.
  • Microbes play a critical role in influencing health throughout your body. Those microbes are adapted to work with different fibers.
  • Probiotics are foods or supplements that contain live microorganisms that have a proven health benefit (kombucha, yogurt, etc.). Prebiotics are the food or fuel for those good microbes in your gut. All prebiotics are fiber, but not all fibers are prebiotics.
  • Recommended 25-30 grams of fiber per day – 14 grams per 1,000 calories per day
  • Eat the rainbow. Eat a variety of foods rich in fibers – sweet potatoes, avocados, berries, asparagus, artichoke, brown rice, quinoa, beans, lentils, etc.
  • Your best bet is to get fiber from a variety of plant-based foods instead of fiber supplements so that you can also get the vitamins and nutrients from foods. The fiber used in supplements has been highly purified and is a simple structure; these simpler fibers tend to get fermented faster by gut microbes, which means they might not reach all the microbes throughout your gut.

Tips:

  • Switch out white bread with whole grain bread.
    • Drink lots of water to help the fiber bind.
  • Eat a variety of foods rich in fibers.
  • Take note of which foods cause you to be gassy. Moving after eating can help with this.
Stuff You Should Know – Short Stuff: Amber Alerts
  • AMBER alert: America’s Missing: Broadcast Emergency Response
  • An amber warning is when a child has gone missing and it ends up being a statewide or nationwide alert. Vehicle info is included – vehicle model and license plate
  • January 1996 – Amber – 9-year-old from Arlington, TX. She was riding a bicycle in her neighborhood and was abducted by a man in a pickup truck. There was a nationwide search for Amber. This was pre-AMBER alert. Three days later, a dogwalker found her body in a creek.
  • Every state has different criteria for issuing AMBER alerts. The Department of Justice has issued guidelines about recommendations: law enforcement has a reasonable belief that a child was abducted, law enforcement believes a child will suffer serious bodily harm or worse, enough detail about the appearance and abduction of the child
  • Enter info in NCIC system – flag as a child abduction – will be a nationwide alert
  • Most missing kids do not meet the criteria of any AMBER alert. If people weren’t abducted and if you don’t know what the kid was wearing, you won’t meet the criteria for an AMBER alert.
  • In 2020, there were 365,000 entries that year in the NCIC system for missing kids and only 200 of them met the criteria for AMBER alerts to be issued.
  • The point is that an AMBER alert is very serious and action is needed fast. People wouldn’t take them seriously if they got notifications on their phone frequently. They would be desensitized.
  • AMBER alerts have contributed to the recovery of 1,186 children in the last seven years!

For Minnesota: The Amber Plan requires law enforcement to meet two criteria when evaluating a non-familial child abduction. Law enforcement must have both parts of the scenario before an activation can occur:

  1. The AMBER Plan should be activated when a child 17 years of age or younger is abducted and there is reason to believe the victim is in imminent danger of serious bodily injury or death.  AND,
  2. There is information available to disseminate to the public which could assist with the safe recovery of the victim and/or the apprehension of the suspect.

The Amber Plan is activated by the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension only when the two requirements above are met; as a result, the Amber Plan is not activated for every child abduction. In cases where the Amber Plan criteria are not met, the Minnesota Crime Alert Network may be activated to notify the public and request information on the case.

Summary of Department of Justice Recommended Criteria

  • There is reasonable belief by law enforcement that an abduction has occurred.
  • The law enforcement agency believes that the child is in imminent danger of serious bodily injury or death.
  • There is enough descriptive information about the victim and the abduction for law enforcement to issue an AMBER Alert to assist in the recovery of the child.
  • The abduction is of a child aged 17 years or younger.
  • The child’s name and other critical data elements, including the Child Abduction flag, have been entered into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) system.

This post from Gabe the Bass Player resonated with me this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/good-enough-to-try-things

Good Enough To Try Things

June 7, 2024

Not ‘good enough to have it all figured out’.

Not ‘good enough to not make a big mistake.’

Not ‘good enough to get by’.

Are you good enough to try things?

Do you have the faith and guts and confidence to try something in the face of it maybe not working and the ‘mistake’ might make you look less-than to some people…that’s a scary question. And you have to be next level good to pull it off.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – May 23, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast – 7 Steps to Increase & Boost Your Metabolism

Your metabolism determines how many calories you burn. Here are some tips to boost your metabolism.

  • Allow yourself to go through different phases of the journey.
  • Focus on building high quality muscle.
  • Stay active. Incorporate physical activity into your daily routine.
  • Increase protein intake. Protein requires more energy to digest compared to carbs or fat. Include protein-rich foods such as lean meats, fish, eggs, dairy, legumes, and nuts in your diet.
  • Stay hydrated. Drinking enough water is essential for a healthy metabolism.
  • Get enough sleep. Lack of sleep can disrupt your metabolism and lead to weight gain.
  • Manage stress. Chronic stress can lead to hormonal imbalances that can slow down your metabolism.
  • Remember that individual metabolism can vary based on factors such as age, genetics, and body composition. Focus on overall health and well-being rather than solely on boosting metabolism for weight loss.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty – 10 Steps on How To Set Boundaries Without Offending People
  • Often our definition of someone being a good human being is someone who doesn’t have boundaries. Our definition of what it means to be a good human needs to change at the core.
  • Boundaries are about what we need for ourselves, not what we want or don’t want from others.
  • We think boundaries are protecting us from other people, but boundaries are protecting ourselves from ourselves. We can’t control anyone else’s actions, but we can control our own.
  • Set up “If” scenarios to set boundaries. If this… then this. Clearly communicate your boundaries.
  • You can justify your choice to yourself, but you don’t need to justify your choice to others.
  • How can you be honest, kind, and empathetic to their reaction? It’s okay to recognize that someone else has their own values about your situation. Be open to the idea that not everyone will agree with you.
  • Don’t have an expectation of how you want someone else to respond. Don’t project how you process things onto other people. If someone doesn’t act in the way you would or the way you think they should, remember that they are not you, and you are not them.
  • Become certain about your boundaries.
  • Ask yourself these questions when setting a boundary:
    • What is the boundary protecting for you? Is it time? Why is time important for you? Is it an idea you are trying to practice? A mindset you are trying to build?
    • What happens when you don’t follow that boundary? How would your future self feel about it if you forego the boundary?
    • How do you feel when you follow through on the boundary?
  • Plan a buffer. Someone will catch you off guard and ask for something at a time you don’t expect. It’s okay to ask for time or some space.
  • Observe others do uncomfortable things. Everything you admire in someone else is a skill that can be trained and is a life that you can live.
  • Start exposing yourself to simple actions of discomfort: calling to cancel or reschedule an appointment, declining an invite to a friend’s birthday, etc. Allow the exposures to scale. People will be offended and that’s okay.
  • Reset people’s expectations of you. Set boundaries.
The Big Flop – Beanie Babies Go Bust with Ian Karmel and Brian Moller
  • The Beanie Babies craze was in the 1990s. Each had a name, birthdate, and little story attached to them.
    • I used to collect Beanie Babies and even had a special holder made for them. It resembled a coat rack but had little pieces of elastic to hang them on.
  • 1993 – Beanie Babies debuted at the World Toy Fair in New York City and didn’t really take off
  • Scarcity is what set Beanie Babies apart from other stuffed animals.
    • Beanie Babies were “retired” instead of “discontinued” – made it seem like a collector’s item and gave Beanie Babies a feeling of scarcity
    • Not sold in popular retailers like Walmart or Toys R US – favored small independent stores and gift shops
      • The stores that sold them could only offer some of the Beanie Babies, so nobody could get the collection in one place. When people spotted them, they weren’t sure if they would see those Beanie Babies again, so they bought them.
  •  1995 – website was created where you could buy the Beanie Babies and get extra intel, such as an online catalog with more information about the Beanie Babies, upcoming release dates, etc. Some sources cite this as the first business-to-consumer sales site on the internet! Demand is so high around the holidays that Ty, Inc. imported 3 737s full of Beanie Babies from Korea.
  • 1995 – $28million in sales that year
  • Some were sold on Ebay for over $30,000!
  • By 1997, the craze was huge! Newsletters, pricing guides, and fan trivia bubbled up across America.
  • In May of 1997, Beanie collectors spent $500 million on Ebay auctions for Beanie Babies in one month!
  • In October 1997, Ty, Inc. announced they would release a commemorative purple Beanie bear called Princess in honor of the recently deceased Princess Diana. The proceeds would go to Princess Diana’s foundation and were supposed to be sold for $7. Some retailers gouged customers and charged anywhere from $25 to $350 for Princess. Many people were convinced this bear would be worth a fortune someday.
  • A McDonalds employee stole $6k in teenie-Beanies and went to prison and a store clerk in LA was robbed at gunpoint for 40 Beanie Bears.
  • By 1998, 65% of American homes had at least one Beanie Baby. Ty, Inc’s sales were more than $1.4 billion.
  • 1998 – Forbes left Warner off of the Wealthiest Americans to Make Lots of Money list, so he bought a full-page ad in the WSJ to let everyone know that Ty, Inc. made more than $700 million the previous year – more than Hasbro and Mattel combined. In 1999, Forbes listed Warner with an estimated net worth of $4billion.
  • Yet, Lina, the creator of the website and the poems on the tags made $12.50 per hour! She asked for a raise, was denied, and she quit.
  • 3 months before the Christmas shopping season in 1999, Warner announced that all Beanie Babies would be retired on December 31, 1999. It was another marketing stunt to drive up interest and demand. On Christmas Eve, Warner created a poll asking fans to make the decision on whether Beanie Babies would live or die and, in the ultimate money-grabbing move, made people pay money to vote! People aren’t going to pay to vote no.
  • The crazy had clearly passed, which was terrible news for people who had invested heavily in Beanie Babies.
  • By 2002, Warner was worth $6 billion. In 2009, Ty, Inc. attempted to recapture the magic by releasing Beanie Boos – fluffier Beanie Babies with bigger eyes. Nobody wanted to buy them like they did the original Beanies.
  • In 2014, Warner pled guilty to tax evasion and hiding over $20 million from the government due to having a hidden foreign bank account.
  • Ty, Inc. still exists. Ty Inc HQ doesn’t have a sign out front. Ty.com recently announced its line of 30th anniversary commemorative Beanies that look like the originals. You can’t buy them on the website but they will be available at select retailers.

I enjoyed this blog post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/taking-a-shot-on-you

Taking Shot On You

May 16, 2024

“If you’ve had any success there’s probably been a few people who took a shot on you early on…and probably along the way.

And now that you’ve had that success, what would it look like for you to take a shot on someone else?“

I also liked this blog post from Seth’s Blog this week:

The unwarranted smile

The unwarranted smile

“When we do something nice for someone, a ‘thank you’ and a smile is nice to receive. And, in many parts of human culture, it’s a bit expected.

But when something goes wrong, if we drop a plate or miss a turn or make someone late, it’s particularly delightful and memorable if we are greeted warmly instead of stomped on.

The moments when it’s the most difficult to be kind are the moments where it matters the most.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – April 11, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Finance Daily – 10 Money Questions Every Couple Must Answer

Note that these questions are for couples in serious long-term relationships. You and your partner may not agree on everything. It’s more important to work through conflicts and come to an understanding.

  1. What is your policy on loaning money to relatives? Are you supporting/do you plan to support any family members?
  2. How much money have you saved?
  3. How much debt do you have?
  4. Are you comfortable investing or do you prefer to keep your money in the bank?
  5. Are you a saver or spender?
  6. How do you feel about merging finances once we’re married? This question has a lot to do with the question about how much your partner has saved. If you’re the only saver, you may not want to merge finances.
  7. Do you have a budget…and can I see it?
  8. Will you support me if I choose not to work?
  9. What type of bill payer are you? Minimum payments/full bill upfront? Automatic bill pay/send via mail? Do you pay all bills on time?
  10. What is your dream, and how do you plan on paying for it?

I thought this podcast was very interesting and I wish I had known about these questions sooner. For full transparency, I did not/have not asked all of these questions, but I think it’s a great idea!

The Liz Moody Podcast – 10 Learnings From My Week At The Life-Changing Hoffman Process Personal Growth Retreat
  • When you are saying how you feel, use “I” instead of “you.” This helps the emotion and experience feel more personal.
  • If you are struggling to change, start with any action. Action is required for change. You can act yourself into a new way of thinking, but you can’t think yourself into a new way of action.
  • We are all human and we are all going through challenges, so stop judging other people. By judging others, you are paving those pathways in your brain that are primed for judgment, and you are priming yourself to judge yourself. When you notice you’re telling yourself a story about someone else in your head, talk to them and find out more about them.
  • Clarity is kind. Don’t beat around the bush.
  • In order to heal, we need to turn out instead of in. Involve other people instead of keeping to yourself. The power of community is vital to healing. You are not a burden. Reach out to people. Relationship bonds heal relationship wounds.
  • Fun is a key part of healing. Access connection, joy, and love. Healing doesn’t always need to be hard and not fun. You can enjoy the process of becoming the person that you want to be. You will get better results if the healing process is enjoyable, too.
  • Everything we see in others is typically also in us – “You spot it, you’ve got it.” In other people, we notice the things that we are most sensitive about or don’t like about ourselves as much. The traits we find most triggering in other people are usually things we are dealing with internally and things we are reacting to negatively within ourselves. When we notice positive attributes in other people, often those are positive traits we notice and value about ourselves.
  • Don’t forgive and forget. That sets you up for future hurt. Forgive and remember because holding on to it only hurts you. Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies. The only person made prisoner by our resentment is ourselves.
  • When you impress people into liking you, it makes you feel inherently unlovable. It can make you feel that without those things, you wouldn’t be lovable or likable to people. If people only like you because of your status/your job, you may feel unlovable without your job. When we give people an arbitrary sense of status (ex: celebrities), we’re actually depriving them of their ability to be human and to feel lovable for who they authentically are.
    • When we don’t share what we do for work, the ways you identify your relationships with people are built on who you really are on the inside. You’re forced to present a raw version of yourself, and people will love you for you. You have worth outside of your job and the work that you do.
  • Be, do, have. How do you want to feel? How do you want to live? Let that influence what you do in the world and the choices you make. Those choices, as a result of the being and doing, will create the things that you have. You’ll have a different relationship with those things because you won’t need those things to be happy.
    • Be, do, have instead of do, have, be.

  • How do we help people who are different from one another experience a sense of belonging and support in the workplace?
    • Acknowledge that we all have some privilege. Ex: access to hot water, drinking water, etc. Being aware of our privilege helps us to see where we have access and ease, and access and ease give us power. What about me or my experience might someone look at and consider to be typical?
    • We need to be willing to recognize the differences in people and want to get to know them across those differences. Let me learn about your experiences so that I can develop empathy for you and gain perspective I wouldn’t otherwise have. Hear their stories, gain empathy, and broaden your view. Ex: interviews – how often do we dismiss candidates because we didn’t think they were a culture fit or they didn’t give us the exact example we wanted? What if we used their stories to evaluate where they have an opportunity to thrive and grow? Hear their circumstances and experiences.
    • Extend your privilege to others respectfully and impactfully in the ways you are able to.
    • Allyship can involve considering food allergies, accepting correction when you mispronounce someone’s name, left-handed scissors, etc. What do you have the ability to do to support others?

I really liked this blog post from Seth’s Blog this week:

Analyzing the last move

Analyzing the last move

“When the deal falls apart, or the team loses the game, or a partnership hits the rocks, it’s easy to focus our energy on what just happened.

“What if they had called a different play?”

This overlooks the real issue. It’s the first move, or the fifth, that led to this problem, not what happened at the last moment.

Creating the conditions for success is a very different project than finding a heroic move that saves the day.“

This post from Gabe the Bass Player also resonated with me this week. Often, we envy the successes, accomplishments, or belongings of others. Yet, we aren’t willing to do what it takes to obtain them.”

What Will You Give Up

April 9, 2024

“One of the hardest parts of getting to where we want to go is giving up the things that make us feel good in the short term…

It’s hard to give up scrolling

It’s hard to give up Netflix

It’s hard to give up scrolling Netflix

It’s hard to give up the peace and quiet that comes from not doing much…or doing the same old things.

It’s hard to give up the notion that people will understand why you’re doing what you’re doing

It’s hard to give up your norms

It’s hard to give up not rocking the boat

It’s hard to give up the security of your hard won reputation

The best way to get to the new place is by starting something new…and giving up something else is a great way to start.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!