Author: amybenoit

I'm Amy and I love reading, learning, and sharing! I read 76 books in 2022 and shared my reviews on Facebook. To reach a wider audience, I have created Read, Learn, Share, where I am excited to share book reviews and many other things I have learned.
Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – July 11, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Real Simple Tips – Here are 6 Home Upgrades That Are a Waster of Money
  • These features won’t add much value to your home according to real estate agents:
  • Swimming pools – come with a lot of upkeep – can put off potential buyers who aren’t keen on the additional responsibility – also increases price of homeowners insurance
  • Extensive landscaping with exotic plants – can turn off future buyers – need a lot of care
  • Garage conversions – converting a garage into a living space can reduce overall functionality. Instead, find a way to make a room more versatile.
  • Motorized blinds – wildly expensive and don’t give any added design ambiance compared to regular blinds and shades
  • Sink moved to center island – mistake to move the kitchen sink to the island – people want an island free from the clutter of dishes and drying racks
  • Smart home technology systems – convenient, but will likely become obsolete quickly and will need to be updated or replaced
Life Kit – Staying safe in extreme heat
  • Millions of people are experiencing what the National Weather Service is calling the first major heat wave of the summer. The local heat index could reach 105 degrees in some places.
  • When we are exposed to heat, our body has ways to dissipate it and keep us cool, but when we are exposed to certain environments and certain temperatures, sometimes our body just can’t keep up.
  • Keep your body as cool as possible. Stay hydrated with water, avoid alcohol during extreme temperatures, and wear loose-fitting clothing to help lower your body temperature.
  • When dealing with extreme heat, it’s important to find the coolest place possible to be in if you need to be outside. If you are inside, use the air conditioning or go to the coolest place in your house.
  • Stay informed with the heat index. Check weather updates and try to be proactive in protecting yourself against the heat.
  • Know when to seek medical help – heat exhaustion and heat stroke. Symptoms of heat exhaustion can be broad and different for everyone: feeling weak, dizzy, nauseous, vomiting, excessive sweating. With heat stroke, you’re red, hot, and dry and you aren’t able to sweat. Heat stroke is a medical emergency.
The Mel Robbins Podcast – 13 Things I Wish I Knew in My 20s
  • The idea that the 20s are the time of your life is bull. It might be one of the hardest decades of your life, so give yourself more grace. You will figure it out.
  • Stop spending your money on stupid stuff. You need to take control of your addiction to buying things. Spending money that you do not have on the things you do not need does not give you power; it makes you feel powerless. Keeping up with the ever-changing trends is not serving you and your happiness.
  • You have so much time. You have plenty of time to figure out your life, your career, your love life, your friend group, etc. Social media is warping your perception about what it takes to be successful. Don’t be triggered by other people’s timelines. Trust the timeline of your life.
  • Date the person, not their potential. Be in a relationship with the person they are right now, not the person you wish they were.
  • It’s not fair. Don’t let yourself play the victim. You can’t change what’s happening around you, and the sooner you accept that, the freer you will feel.
  • Define your career wins not but the quantity of your paycheck but by the quality of your circle. Focus your time and energy on making meaningful connections. People will get you further in your career than any single paying job on your resume ever will. Your connections matter.
  • Be kind. Go above and beyond to make other people feel appreciated and seen.
  • You don’t get to want something if you don’t ask for it.
  • A rock-solid morning routine is the fastest way to take control of your life. You need structure to your day, and how you set the day up is how it ends up. Core 5 practices from Mel: get up when the alarm rings, get outside and get five minutes of sunlight, take a walk without listening to music or a podcast, drink a glass of water, and have some kind of mindfulness practice such as journaling
  • Get serious about who you are hanging out with. What are their habits? Are the five people you are spending the most time driven? Do they have goals? How do they treat you? How do they make you feel? Can you actually open up and be yourself with them? Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you.
  • Be your own person. Stop pretending to like things that you don’t. Live authentically. Learn to make your own choices. The fastest way to figure out what you like and who you are as a person is by doing things by yourself because then you don’t have the pressure of managing the person with you and whether or not they like the thing that you are doing. Explore your interests alone.
  • You are not in competition with anyone. Success, happiness, and friendship are in a limitless supply.
  • Take the biggest risks of your life right now. You have time.

I really enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/charging-for-the-chapel

Charging For The Chapel

July 9, 2024

Would Michelangelo have painted the Sistine Chapel if he hadn’t been commissioned by the church, being paid along the way?

Probably not.

It’s ok for you to charge (lots of) money for the thing you’re good at too.

The paradox of lessons

This post from Seth’s blog emphasized the power of learning:

“The paradox of lessons

The people most likely to sign up for coaching or additional learning are the folks who are already good at their craft.

“I’m terrible at this,” can lead to, “and I don’t want to be reminded of it.” Or perhaps, “I don’t want to waste their time,” or, “I’m never going to get better.”

When it’s possible to get better, embracing mediocrity isn’t a useful strategy.

I’d rather have a surgeon who regularly attends trainings, wouldn’t you?

Read a book, find a coach, organize a group. If you’re serious about getting better, you’ll improve.

Learning creates more competence but first, it amplifies our feelings of incompetence.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

June 2024 Reads

amybenoit

I read five books in June 2024. Here is a brief synopsis of the four books I read in June 2024, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.

“Vagina Problems: Endometriosis, Painful Sex, and Other Taboo Topics” by Lara Parker was educational and emotional. Lara is the writer and deputy editorial director at Buzzfeed, and she covered what it’s like to live with endometriosis, vaginismus, vulvodynia, vulvar vestibulitis syndrome, pelvic floor dysfunction, etc. There were a lot of tidbits in this book. Here are a few take-aways that I am not uncomfortable sharing:

  • Endometriosis is, statistically speaking, as prevalent as diabetes in America. Endo is not easy to get a diagnosis for, as it requires laparoscopic surgery. Also, doctors often don’t take women’s pain seriously. Endometriosis is more than just a bad period; some other symptoms include abdominal swelling, trouble digesting, exhaustion, and painful sex. It is physically and mentally painful and there is no cure.
  • “Berating myself, blaming myself, and denying myself things simply because I felt as if all this pain was my fault has never made me feel any better.”
  • Author’s quotes on painful sex: “You can have sex and be intimate in different ways and none of those ways determine your worth in any relationship.” “The thing that ultimately helped me the most was reframing the way I thought about sex in general.”

I recommend this book to anyone who has endometriosis and/or other “vagina problems.”

4 out of 5 stars

“Stop Overthinking” was written by Nick Trenton and contained detailed and proven techniques to rewire your brain, control your thoughts, and change your mental habits. This book was helpful, but the author could have expanded on some strategies. I will post in more detail about this book in a future post. Here are some lessons:

Overthinking is when you excessively analyze, evaluate, ruminate, and worry about certain things to a point where it starts affecting your mental health because you simply can’t stop. The emotion behind much overthinking is fear – fear of being out of control, of being overwhelmed, of failure, of impending danger, etc.

4 A’s of stress management:

  • avoid – say no to stress that is unnecessary and harmful – situations and people that demand too much of us
  • alter – ask others to change their behavior – negotiate
  • accept – validate your emotions and practice forgiveness – change the way you frame events
  • adapt – make lasting changes to your worldview, goals, perception, and expectations – change yourself to better cope with life

Ask yourself: Is what you’re doing problem solving or rumination? If you’re ruminating, direct your attention to a single small action. If you’re going to spend all the energy thinking about the problem, at least put it to good use and find a way to improve things. If you can’t improve anything, then put your energy into distraction, forgiveness, or moving on.

This book covered several techniques! I recommend this book to anyone who is an overthinker.

4 out of 5 stars

“Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I’d Known Earlier” was written by Kevin Kelly. On his 68th birthday, Kevin began to write down for his young adult children some things he had learned that he wished he had known earlier. He had more to say than he thought, and he kept adding advice over the years, compiling his life’s wisdom into these pages. This book was a GEM of knowledge and advice!

When you keep people waiting, they begin to think of all your flaws.

Nothing elevates a person higher than taking responsibility for their mistakes. If you mess up, fess up. It’s astounding how powerful this ownership is. This has been so true in my experiences!

You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.

Every person you meet knows an amazing lot about something you know virtually nothing about. It won’t be obvious, and your job is to discover what it is.

How to apologize: quickly, specifically, and sincerely. Don’t ruin an apology with an excuse.

I highly recommend this book to everyone! I will post more about it on a later date!

5 out of 5 stars

“One Decision Away: Key Principles to Create What You Want in Life and Work” was written by Paula Melo Doroff. This book was inspiring. Paula ran away at 15, arrived in the U.S. at 25, divorced 3 times, grew up in poverty, was raised by an illiterate grandmother, and only had a middle school education; this book affirms that your success doesn’t always come down to your family, your lucky breaks, or your wealth. Here are some main points:

You are just one decision away from completely altering the trajectory of your life. You can stay safe in your comfort zone and keep dreaming, or you can take the courageous step onto the path that will lead you to growth and take responsibility for what you truly want for your life.

  • To create the life you want, you need crystal clear dreams, realistic goals, and detailed plans to achieve those goals. Reflect: what is the one goal that would have the greatest impact on your life? Why is that goal important? What will you lose if you don’t follow the plan? What will you gain? What one action can you take today to move a step closer to your goal?
  • Sometimes we hold ourselves back in life because we don’t honor our dreams with goals to match. Sometimes, though, we might have a dream holding us back because the dream has outlived its purpose. Ex: a goal could still be permissible but not beneficial. Although you may feel betrayed by letting go of dreams, by releasing the dreams that no longer serve you, there is more space in your heart and mind for new possibilities. Don’t get stuck trying to fulfill a vision you’ve long outgrown.

I recommend this book for anyone wanting to learn about and reflect on creating the life they desire.

4 out of 5 stars

The fifth and final book I read in June was “In the Form of a Question: The Joys and Rewards of a Curious Life” written by Amy Schneider, the most successful woman ever to compete on Jeopardy! Amy walked away with $1.3 million on a 40-game winning streak, although she says she won an even greater prize: the joy of being herself on national television and leading the way for openly queer and transgender people around the world. Here are my thoughts about this book:

  • There were so many footnotes, and many of them were more like commentary than actual text. I think the footnotes could have been cut out or included in the actual text.
  • This book was not what I expected. I wanted to know more about her Jeopardy experience. Although I got a few gems of wisdom, this book mostly focused on Amy’s trans experiences (before and after the transition) and differing views than my own – ranging from condoning recreational drug use, polyamory, casual sex, criticisms of religion, and the promotion of tarot cards.

Two pieces of wisdom:

“The real answer to “How did you get so smart?” is simply this: I wanted to. And if you want to, you can do it, too. If you have the desire, not just to know but to understand, then you will grow more and more powerful every day, and nobody will be able to stop you.”

“Theater brings together people who, offstage, would find each other intolerable, and offers them each what they need. For the shy, it offers escape, concealment, and safety. For the confident, it offers attention, freedom, and validation. In theater, not only can you do the very things you fear the most, but you can do them with the very people who make you fear it.”

If you want to learn more about Amy’s intelligence and Jeopardy! journey, you won’t find much of that in this book. If you want to read more about Amy’s life and often controversial views, this book may be for you.

3 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – June 27, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Relationships Daily – When Your Expectations of Others is Making You Frustrated
  • Our expectations of others often cause our own struggles and frustrations. The frustrations with others are caused by our own expectations. We want people to behave differently than they do, and we get frustrated when they don’t act the way we want them to.
  • Without the expectations, we could be happy and at peace. We could see the good in others instead of only how they fall short of our expectations.
  • Think of the expectations you have of others as an imaginary bubble you’ve created and pop the bubble! Without the bubble, you are free of expectations! What is the other person like without your expectations of them?
  • Practice compassion for others. They are probably reacting in a habitual way from fear and pain.
  • Don’t take anything personally. Whatever the person does is about them.

I came across this poem this week and it resonated with me.

Let Them Poem By Cassie Phillips
“Let Them” by Cassie Phillips

“Just Let Them.
If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.
If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.

If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.
If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.
If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.
If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.

If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM.

Let them lose you. You were never theirs, because you were always your own.
So let them.
Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.
Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.
Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life.
Let them earn your forgiveness.
Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.
Let them take you out on a Thursday.
Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to.

Let them have a safe place in you.

Let them see the heart in you that didn’t harden.

Let them love you.”

You have to accept yourself just as you are without having to make changes for others. If you feel that you have to change to maintain a relationship, and if that change is always one-sided, that relationship may need to be given consideration.

You deserve to be valued and to feel valued. You are the only one who has control of you unless you give that control away to someone else. Have a big conversation with yourself about where those boundaries need to be. Self-care involves putting yourself and your considerations at the top of the pile. If others aren’t doing it, you must do it.

On Purpose with Jay Shetty – If You’ve Been Feeling Drained…Listen To This
  • Studies show that we have 60,000-80,000 thoughts per day and 80% of those are negative or repetitive.
  • Principle 1: Accept and action – acceptance followed up by an action. Ex: I’m really drained, and so… I’ll go to bed early tonight. I’m really drained, and so… I’ll cancel going to that event this weekend.
  • Stop ignoring your repetitive thoughts, feelings, and emotions. They are repeating for a reason. They want you to pay attention.
  • Principle 2: You don’t always have to be at 100% energy. Be able to say to yourself and to others why you aren’t at 100% and be able to communicate your challenges. When can you be at 50% energy, and what does it look like in communicating that? How can you give your best tasks your best energy? Time block.
  • Principle 3: It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to cancel social events or to decline. Burnout, exhaustion, and feeling drained are not worth anything.
  • Principle 4: Stress is when you are demanding too much of your body and mind. Be strategic with your time. Ask yourself whether it is necessary to take something on right now. Which of your meetings can be solved with an e-mail?
  • Principle 5: Have a reset day, hour, or half-day. Make it a perfect day. Carve out time that’s fully under your control.
  • Principle 6: Be kind to yourself. When you are feeling drained, ask yourself how you can be kinder to yourself. The voice in our head is often criticizing ourselves about how we can be and do better. If we are stressing ourselves, we are draining ourselves from within. If you were kinder to yourself, what do you believe you would achieve?
  • Principle 7: Allow yourself to vent and let it out. When you talk about stress with the right people, it makes you feel lighter. Let that stress out. Distance yourself from the stressor if you can.
  • Principle 8: Get restful sleep. So often we are trying to solve something in our mind when we need to solve it in our body. If you’re struggling with your body, figure out what you can change in your mind. Sleep, diet, exercise, hydration, and stress management are all important in managing burnout.
  • Principle 9: Wash your mind the night before. What do you want to leave behind today? What are you going to wash away today? Wash your mind the night before and leave the draining behind.

I really liked this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/running-its-course

Running Its Course

June 25, 2024

Things don’t run their course. The band, the relationship, the project.

We simply decide to stop putting the necessary energy into it to keep them going.

Things don’t have an inherent course of their own. And things don’t have an opinion or get tired or burnt out or lazy or lose interest or get a new dream or desire.

People do.

So when the thing is over let’s be honest about why it’s over. It isn’t the thing’s or the course’s decision.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – June 20, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Life Kit – Why we become bored with our lives (and how to find joy again)
  • If you are feeling stuck, experiment with a break from your daily routine. That could be a vacation or weekend trip, a walk around the block, or a few minutes of internal reflection.
  • Introduce more variety into your life – a new city, a new job, a new haircut, a new hobby or class, etc. Prioritize a variety of experiences over a variety of material possessions.
  • To dishabituate from your environment, change your environment. If you change your environment in a very simple way (work in a different area, go for a walk, etc.), you become more creative. The creativity boosts don’t last long but can be very important for eureka moments and looking at problems with fresh eyes.
  • It can be scary but err on the side of more change rather than less change. Change helps you dishabituate, have more variety in your life, and often makes you happier.
  • After a big change, you may have transition pains. Give yourself time to habituate and see what you’re still unhappy with a few months down the line.
All the Hacks with Chris Hutchins – Travel Wisdom from the World’s Most Traveled Man (Harry Mitsidis)
  • Harry Mitsidis – world’s most traveled man – one of only three people to have visited every country in the world twice!
  • Harry’s parents are from different countries and Harry realized he had a curiosity to travel.
  • Time, cost, and will are the main parameters to travel.
  • Optimize travels by putting different destinations together to make the most out of your trip.
  • Equatorial Guinea was the hardest country to visit. It is on the west coast of Central Africa. It is a notoriously difficult visa.
  • There is a lot more to countries than the capital or major city. Harry wanted to truly experience the countries by being a slow traveler. Ex: more than just visiting London in England, more than just visiting New York City in the USA

This point stuck out to me – “more than just visiting London in England, more than just visiting New York City in the USA.” We would all agree that New York City is not representative of the entire United States, yet many of us consider visiting one city “enough” for a state or one city enough for a country!

  • Harry says 7 days is not really enough time to truly experience some of the bigger countries.
  • Benefits of travel: you learn about yourself by putting yourself out of your comfort zone, you learn about your behaviors, increase in optimism with kindness/helpfulness/selflessness experiences, never bored with constant changes

Harry’s Recommendations:

  • Which country should everyone visit? North Korea – there’s no other country like it. It’s like being on another planet. You can’t have a mobile phone and you aren’t really connected to the outside world. You are surrounded by propaganda.
  • Underappreciated countries that don’t get enough attention: Sweden, Romania, Laos, Tuvalu
  • Harry finds food at his local favorites and tries to chat with the locals.
  • Canada: spend time off the beaten path – Nova Scotia, New Brunswick
  • Argentina – people usually go to Buenos Aires – check out Salta, Cordoba
  • For people who have already traveled, there are a lot of opportunities to go further and to see so much more. It’s just a matter of wanting to.
  • Many people who have gone to a country a second time enjoy their second trip more. They are able to skip all of the main tourist destinations the second time and explore the country more. You can probably understand more about the place than the first time.
  • Disappointments – pre-conceived ideas based on high expectations. Ex: Bhutan – Himalayan paradise. Thought it was too structured and inauthentic the first time around
  • When you are a traveler, you’re not just going to a place to take things from the place. You’re going and you’re going to give things to the place. You represent your country and place of origin. You should be giving good energy, positivity, and as much happiness as possible.
TED Talks Daily – A second chance for fathers to connect with their kids
  • An estimated 10 million children in the United States see their fathers less than once each month.
  • Research tells us what happens to children without father figures in their lives. Poverty rates double, emotional and behavior health issues increase, high school dropout rates increase, and crime and prison rates increase.
  • The reasons that don’t get talked about enough are shame, guilt, and embarrassment. These emotions can cause so much harm beyond the absence of a father figure.
  • Co-parenting issues, restraining orders, challenges navigating the family court – shame from not being able to see kids, guilt due to absence, embarrassment due to not being able to spend time with kids on a consistent basis
  • Through prior relationships, men learn to love and hate. Relationships that emphasize self-love and life-long relationships that emphasize an individual’s ability to mirror new behavior and connection play an integral role in rehabilitation.
  • Individual and group therapy can help.
  • Think about the people who loved you when you lost your way, who hugged you when you needed it, who assumed best intention, who validated you and embraced you even when you felt undeserving – whoever came to mind, try to be that to someone else.
  • The assumption is that dads who aren’t physically present don’t care about their kids. What was found is that the dads who are absent care for their kids more than people think; they just feel as if their kids are better off without them because they can’t do what society says they need to do for them. Men have an emphasis on providing food, shelter, etc. and many men who can’t provide that feel they must be absent.
  • Men should define what type of father they want to be and try to do that.
  • What works: Tell men they are loved, hug them, call them on birthdays and holidays, make sure they have the verbiage to identify and communicate emotions, make sure they know they aren’t their past mistakes, encourage them to reconnect with kids, etc.
  • A lot of dads who have been absent didn’t have a father in their lives. They feel guilt, shame, and embarrassment and feel their kids would be better off without them. Yet, if you ask them to consider “Were you better off without your father?” they don’t feel they were better off.
  • Kids want to have time with dads, attention, and want to feel their presence.

I did a legal technology training this week as part of my paralegal certificate program and was amused to learn about digital breadcrumbs – a term I had not heard of!

What is a breadcrumb example graphic

Breadcrumbs leave a visual trail of which pages a user has visited. Image source ProfileTree.com

“Breadcrumb menus display the current page location and hierarchy in relation to higher-level pages on a site through clickable links in sequence like Home > Shop > Electronics > tvs.”

I wanted to share some things I learned from the book “Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I’d Known Earlier” written by Kevin Kelly. I will post about this book in more depth at a future date, but just wanted to share a handful of lessons this week:

When you keep people waiting, they begin to think of all your flaws.

Nothing elevates a person higher than taking responsibility for their mistakes. If you mess up, fess up. It’s astounding how powerful this ownership is. This has been so true in my experiences!

Every person you meet knows an amazing lot about something you know virtually nothing about. It won’t be obvious, and your job is to discover what it is.

How to apologize: quickly, specifically, and sincerely. Don’t ruin an apology with an excuse.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – June 13, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Mary’s Cup of Tea – Feeling Behind in Life? Listen to this
  • If you’ve been validated based on meeting or exceeding expectations, then when you don’t overachieve, you feel the complete opposite and feel like you are failing or falling behind. What if you aren’t falling behind but are where you need to be but you’re so used to being validated by external arbitrary expectations?
  • If you are constantly trying to perform, perfect, achieve, and do, you are disconnecting from the “being.” You’re turning yourself into a human doing rather than a human being.
  • Feeling behind in life is a result of comparison. It’s about comparing yourself to others based on external factors.
  • If you believe the solution to feeling behind is to catch up and get ahead, that is still comparison. That is still basing your worth and feelings of security, confidence, and assurance on some random arbitrary timeline.
  • “If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.”
  • It’s only a success if it’s aligned with your true desires. What some of us view as successful is not what the “achievers” deem successful.
  • When you compare yourself to people who graduated, got jobs, got married, reproduced, bought cars and houses and vacations, not only are you doing a disservice to yourself, but you’re also contributing to the narrative that “success” is measured by external achievements rather than inner fulfillment.
  • Whose ruler are you using to measure your success? Is that aligned with your true desires and values? Who is judging how behind or ahead you are? Is it society or that external validation voice you’ve internalized? Why are you continuing to use that against yourself? We are all paving our own way.

This podcast really resonated with me because sometimes I have felt “behind” in life. Nine years post-college, I am now pursuing a paralegal certificate, I don’t have kids yet, I haven’t traveled the world, and, although I am proud of many things in my life, my life doesn’t look like what I thought it would at my age. Yet, some people I know have compared themselves to me. It is easy to fall into the comparison trap.

Optimal Health Daily – The Five F’s That Keep You Stuck in Chronic Pain

Living with chronic pain, fatigue, or other persistent symptoms can feel like an endless battle, consuming every aspect of your life.

The Five Fs that keep you stuck in chronic pain and symptoms

Fear – constantly reacting to the symptoms with fear will intensify your suffering, and the anticipation of discomfort will lead you to avoid certain activities or movements, perpetuating the cycle of pain and anxiety.

  • Confront these fears head-on through education, reassurance, and gradual exposure to previously avoided activities. Challenge irrational beliefs and perceptions.

Fixing – medical interventions have their place, but often fail to address the underlying emotional and neurological factors contributing to chronic illness.    

Focus – where you focus your attention matters.

  • Learn to redirect your focus away from pain and toward things that bring you joy.
  • Frustration – living with chronic pain often breeds feelings of frustration, especially when you’re putting in so much time/money/effort to healing.
    • Be patient with yourself and accept where you are on your path to recovery. Embrace the process as a gradual and non-linear journey.
  • Fighting – can exacerbate your suffering. What you resist persists.
    • Surrender to what is and practice acceptance. Acknowledge your pain and allow yourself to experience it fully.
Life Kit – Fiber has tons of benefits. Here’s how to eat more of it
  • Fiber keeps you regular, lowers cholesterol, helps regulate blood sugar levels, keeps your hunger in check, and is the primary food source for microbes that live in our guts.
  • Microbes play a critical role in influencing health throughout your body. Those microbes are adapted to work with different fibers.
  • Probiotics are foods or supplements that contain live microorganisms that have a proven health benefit (kombucha, yogurt, etc.). Prebiotics are the food or fuel for those good microbes in your gut. All prebiotics are fiber, but not all fibers are prebiotics.
  • Recommended 25-30 grams of fiber per day – 14 grams per 1,000 calories per day
  • Eat the rainbow. Eat a variety of foods rich in fibers – sweet potatoes, avocados, berries, asparagus, artichoke, brown rice, quinoa, beans, lentils, etc.
  • Your best bet is to get fiber from a variety of plant-based foods instead of fiber supplements so that you can also get the vitamins and nutrients from foods. The fiber used in supplements has been highly purified and is a simple structure; these simpler fibers tend to get fermented faster by gut microbes, which means they might not reach all the microbes throughout your gut.

Tips:

  • Switch out white bread with whole grain bread.
    • Drink lots of water to help the fiber bind.
  • Eat a variety of foods rich in fibers.
  • Take note of which foods cause you to be gassy. Moving after eating can help with this.
Stuff You Should Know – Short Stuff: Amber Alerts
  • AMBER alert: America’s Missing: Broadcast Emergency Response
  • An amber warning is when a child has gone missing and it ends up being a statewide or nationwide alert. Vehicle info is included – vehicle model and license plate
  • January 1996 – Amber – 9-year-old from Arlington, TX. She was riding a bicycle in her neighborhood and was abducted by a man in a pickup truck. There was a nationwide search for Amber. This was pre-AMBER alert. Three days later, a dogwalker found her body in a creek.
  • Every state has different criteria for issuing AMBER alerts. The Department of Justice has issued guidelines about recommendations: law enforcement has a reasonable belief that a child was abducted, law enforcement believes a child will suffer serious bodily harm or worse, enough detail about the appearance and abduction of the child
  • Enter info in NCIC system – flag as a child abduction – will be a nationwide alert
  • Most missing kids do not meet the criteria of any AMBER alert. If people weren’t abducted and if you don’t know what the kid was wearing, you won’t meet the criteria for an AMBER alert.
  • In 2020, there were 365,000 entries that year in the NCIC system for missing kids and only 200 of them met the criteria for AMBER alerts to be issued.
  • The point is that an AMBER alert is very serious and action is needed fast. People wouldn’t take them seriously if they got notifications on their phone frequently. They would be desensitized.
  • AMBER alerts have contributed to the recovery of 1,186 children in the last seven years!

For Minnesota: The Amber Plan requires law enforcement to meet two criteria when evaluating a non-familial child abduction. Law enforcement must have both parts of the scenario before an activation can occur:

  1. The AMBER Plan should be activated when a child 17 years of age or younger is abducted and there is reason to believe the victim is in imminent danger of serious bodily injury or death.  AND,
  2. There is information available to disseminate to the public which could assist with the safe recovery of the victim and/or the apprehension of the suspect.

The Amber Plan is activated by the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension only when the two requirements above are met; as a result, the Amber Plan is not activated for every child abduction. In cases where the Amber Plan criteria are not met, the Minnesota Crime Alert Network may be activated to notify the public and request information on the case.

Summary of Department of Justice Recommended Criteria

  • There is reasonable belief by law enforcement that an abduction has occurred.
  • The law enforcement agency believes that the child is in imminent danger of serious bodily injury or death.
  • There is enough descriptive information about the victim and the abduction for law enforcement to issue an AMBER Alert to assist in the recovery of the child.
  • The abduction is of a child aged 17 years or younger.
  • The child’s name and other critical data elements, including the Child Abduction flag, have been entered into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) system.

This post from Gabe the Bass Player resonated with me this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/good-enough-to-try-things

Good Enough To Try Things

June 7, 2024

Not ‘good enough to have it all figured out’.

Not ‘good enough to not make a big mistake.’

Not ‘good enough to get by’.

Are you good enough to try things?

Do you have the faith and guts and confidence to try something in the face of it maybe not working and the ‘mistake’ might make you look less-than to some people…that’s a scary question. And you have to be next level good to pull it off.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – June 6, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Sad to Savage – How to Create Habits and A Routine With An Inconsistent Schedule
  • Keep a consistent amount of time that you need instead of a consistent time you need to wake up.
  • Pick 1-3 things you want to do in a morning routine and figure out how long it takes to do those tasks. Usually 1 hour – then figure out what time you need to wake up each day
  • Write out your schedule each week.
  • Create at least two morning routines: weekdays vs. weekends. Days you are working vs. days you are off.
  • What would your ideal morning routine be for the days you are working? What would your ideal morning routine look like for the days you are off?
  • Choose a workout you like to do and one that you can do consistently. Build a habit of physical movement on the days that you have off. Build a physical health habit that is realistic and that you can keep consistent.
  • Time consistency helps build your habit – same time every day
  • If you feel like you don’t have time for things, time block. See how much time you are spending on your phone each day instead.
  • Prioritize waking up earlier and doing a morning routine, or work on your routine right away when you get home from work.
  • Grocery shop and meal plan and prep on one of your days off.
  • Nighttime routine- get meals ready for the next day.
  • Focus on having a short routine and long routine. Short routine for nights you work late, are exhausted, and don’t have much time – pick 1-3 things that are crucial for your success the next day (scheduling workout, washing your face, setting out clothes). Long routine for days you aren’t stressed and aren’t getting home late (prepping food for next day, tidying room, reading before bed, washing your face, setting out clothes, etc.)
Inside Out Money – Progress over Perfection
  • Perfectionism – striving for flawlessness, holding excessively high personal standards, and having overly negative reactions to perceived mistakes and setbacks – can lead to a lot of self-criticism and rumination
  • Root of perfectionism is deficit and lack – whole existence is to prove to other people that we are good enough, we have skills, we matter, and that we are high-functioning.
  • Perfectionism can be linked to imposter syndrome. If you’re trying to project a perfect person all the time to others, you might feel like an imposter.
  • Combat perfectionism
    •  Mindfulness – Be present in the moment and understand the emotions that are going on within you – passing thoughts and passing emotions.
    • Meditation
    • Vulnerability
    • Self-compassion
    • Radical acceptance – we can’t control everything. We need to do the best with what we have.
  • Focus on balance and progress over perfection with finances.
  • Have a growth mindset. See mistakes as learning opportunities. We can always strive to get together while also being kind and compassionate to ourselves and those around us.
  • Tips:
    • Just get started. Don’t put off working on your finances and tracking your net worth and expenses just because you are afraid to see the results.
    • Focus on the things that you need to improve around your finances and set realistic goals. Ex: improving credit score, paying off debt, increasing savings rate
    • Learn from your mistakes. Recognize ahead of time that you will make mistakes and you can get better at this.
    • Set consistent habits and automate things when you can.
    • Avoid perfection paralysis. There is never a perfect time or perfect situation to start doing better. Don’t wait for the right time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty – 7 Habits to Be Present
  • Wake up twenty minutes before you have to. If your first thought when you wake up is, “I’m already behind” you are already living in a feeling that you need to catch up with time. Our language and our thoughts set how we feel. That thought will repeat itself for the rest of the day. If you start your day slower mentally and physically, you can maintain that momentum as it speeds up.
  • Connect with yourself. What is the one thing you need to do for yourself today?
  • Calendar – what is the one thing you need to do today to make it a great day?
  • Check in with someone else.  
  • One device at a time: tv, laptop, phone. Your brain processes background noise. Limit your focus to one device at a time. Having a rule is better than not having a boundary.
  • Take thirty seconds when you enter a new room, new space, or a new part of your day to engage your senses. What can you see, hear, touch, smell, and taste?
  • Obey the speed limit. One of the ways we feel the most out of touch is when we are driving. Is shaving off two minutes worth the risks of what you may experience?
  • Be present with your breath. Breathe in for 4 and out for 4 counts. Reconnect with your breath and your body.
  • Prioritize extended periods of silence – increases brain cells, helps you be more focused and productive, helps you relax and slow down
  • Experience nature – gives us a feeling of time abundance, sense of time is slower and more meaningful
Life Kit – Summer fun on a budget
  • Public parks and beaches
  • Field day with friends – three-legged race, water balloon toss
  • Park programming – events calendar
  • Penny date – explore things without an objective. Take a coin, pick a direction for heads and tails, and flip the coin and see what direction it takes you. Stop when you see something interesting.
  • Go to the farmer’s market.
  • Parades
  • Coloring book and colored pencils
  • Open mic nights/poetry slams
  • Museums  – some museums offer free admission on certain days
  • Recreate a family recipe.
  • Themed hangouts – pick a theme and invite people over
  • House/apartment swap with a friend
  • Go to an open house, even if you aren’t in the market
  • Go to the mall and try on silly outfits
  • Write your future self a letter

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

May 2024 Reads

amybenoit

I read four books in May 2024. Here is a brief synopsis of the four books I read in May 2024, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.

“Becoming A Crime Scene Investigator” by Jacqueline Detwiler-George was an interesting overview of crime scene investigation and forensic science. Here are some of the main points covered in this book:

  • This job has many names: crime scene investigator, evidence technician, forensic investigator, crime scene technician, crime scene analyst, and crime scene examiner.
  • The science part of crime scene investigation involves knowing how to collect evidence so that it can be analyzed and deployed in court and knowing what to grab at the scene.
  • Crime scene investigators do not perform all of the functions they are depicted handling on tv. It is different everywhere. Some police/sheriff’s departments have their own crime labs, while others send all evidence to regional or state labs for processing.
  • Crime scene investigators used to be generalists. Now they specialize. Forensic analysts often collect master’s degrees and professional certifications.
  • Most standard crimes can be solved with a combination of photography, DNA evidence, serology, fingerprints, ballistics comparison, drug chemistry, and computer forensics.
    • Less common: blood spatter analysis, trace evidence analysis, forensic anthropology, and questioned documents
  • A background in hard science and forensics can lead a person toward dozens of different exciting careers, such as forensic anthropology, veterinary forensics, mail crime, digital forensics, arson investigation, bomb analysis, medical and mortuary sciences, chemical warfare forensics, etc.

4 out of 5 stars

“Know Your Endo” was written by Jessica Murnane and merged the science and research on pain and endometriosis with the real-world experiences of people living with endo. This book also included management practices for endometriosis while also emphasizing that there is no cure. I highly recommend this book to anyone with endometriosis.

Here are some main takeaways:

If you’re a person living with endometriosis, caring for yourself needs to be your number-one priority.

Think about how much your pain and symptoms get in the way of your relationships, your work, and/or giving back to your community. Now think about how much more time you would have to give to them if you felt better.

  • Many people with endo can have inflammation of their appendix, colon, or the lining of their stomach that can cause bloat and swelling.
  • Endo fatigue is one of the hardest symptoms to manage – an intense, deep, and permeating feeling of exhaustion that can be hard to shake, no matter how hard you try.
  • Management practices: self-compassion, meaningful connections, mindfulness, movement, supplements, avoiding inflammatory foods, and prioritizing yourself

Big inflammatories: processed and packaged foods, dairy, red meat, refined sugars and synthetic sweeteners, fried foods, soda, refined carbs, alcohol, and caffeine. **You are the only one who knows how your body feels when you eat certain foods, and it’s your responsibility to listen to it.**

4 out of 5 stars

“The Body Keeps the Score” was an intense read about the effects of trauma and pathways to recovery written by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. This book took me a whopping thirteen days to read – mostly because I found it pretty depressing and wasn’t eager to read it each day. I regularly read about traumatic experiences in the course of my work, and adding this book on top of that was sometimes too much. With that said, I learned SO much from this book and will post more about it at another time. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has experienced trauma. Here are some main lessons that stood out to me:

In today’s world, your zip code, even more than your genetic code, determines whether you will lead a safe and healthy life. Income, family structure, housing, employment, and educational opportunities affect risk of developing traumatic stress and access to effective help to address it. Poverty, unemployment, inferior schools, social isolation, widespread availability of guns, and substandard housing are all breeding grounds for trauma. Trauma breeds further trauma. Hurt people hurt other people.”

What has happened cannot be undone. What can be dealt with are the imprints of the trauma on the body, mind, and soul. The challenge of recovery is to reestablish ownership of your body and your mind – finding a way to become calm and focused; learning to maintain that calm in response to images, thoughts, sounds, or physical sensations that remind you of the past; finding a way to be fully alive in the present and engaged with the people around you; and not having to keep secrets from yourself, including secrets about the ways that you have managed to survive.

“The greatest sources of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves.”

Treatments explored in this book include medications, sensorimotor psychotherapy and somatic experiencing, cognitive behavioral therapy, virtual reality therapy, acupuncture, massage, yoga, EMDR, writing to yourself, neurofeedback training, theater, self-awareness, and having a good support network.

Many psychiatrists today resort to doling out pills to relieve pain, anxiety, or depression, which doesn’t address the real issues: What are these patients trying to cope with? What are their internal or external resources? Do they have caring relationships with their bodies? Do they have dynamic interactions with other people? Whom can they count on? Are they members of a community? Do they have a sense of purpose? How can we help them feel in charge of their lives?

4 out of 5 stars

“Extreme Measures: Finding A Better Path to the End of Life” was written by Jessica Nutik Zitter, MD, an expert on the medical experience of death and dying who is double-boarded in the two specialties of pulmonary/critical care medicine and palliative care medicine – a rare combination. This book was fascinating, educational, emotional, and empowering. So many points and stories in this book will stick with me and I highly recommend this book to everyone. Here are some main points:

  • Often people die in the ICU on the end-of-life conveyer belt, where issues are treated until the patient dies. People who request treatment rarely understand the realities involved in “doing everything.” In the ICU, very few people have the opportunity to live life all the way through to the end. Too often the tools take life away from the dying.
  • There are certain treatments that Americans have come to see as their rights, whether or not the physician deems them to be beneficial in a particular case: breathing machines, feeding tubes, cardiac resuscitation with electric shocks and chest compressions, and dialysis. Most physicians feel they are powerless to withhold these treatments if the patient/family insists on their use.
  • Ask about the benefits and burdens of treatments, alternatives, and your or your family member’s prognosis.
  • Don’t expect your family to know your wishes or to make difficult decisions in the ICU. Identify what matters to you. What is your conception of a life worth living? Being free of pain? Engaging in relationships? Autonomy? Engaging in work and meaningful tasks? Living in your own home? Not being a physical/emotional/financial burden on your family? The best-laid paths to the end of life have been paved with ongoing reflection and communication. As people approach death, their priorities shift. Tools to convey your wishes include the Advance Directive, DNR order (good only for a particular admission at a particular time), and the POLST (follows you everywhere).

5 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – May 30, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Living Daily – 8 Signs You’re A Perfectionist
  • You have the all or nothing mindset. The outcome has to either be perfect or there will be no outcome at all. You are either a success or a failure.
  • You fear failure. You have a fear of putting yourself out there and going out of your comfort because you might not be seen as “perfect.”
  • You might have trust issues. This has to do with the fear of letting go of control. You have the idea that if something needs to be done perfectly, you need to do it yourself. Letting go of this need for control and learning to trust other people is crucial for overcoming perfectionism.
  • You “should” all over yourself. You spend a lot of time in the “shoulda, woulda, coulda” land.
  • You procrastinate without end to find the right time to work on your goals.
  • You would rather give up than not do something perfectly. Putting decent work out there is a must to drive you all the way to your dream destination.
  • You spot mistakes everywhere. You see mistakes where other people don’t and you make it your mission in life to uncover them in all situations.
  • You fear judgment. The truth is that people don’t really think about you as much as you think they do. You don’t need other people’s approval to live your life; you just need your own.
Sad to Savage – Making Health and Fitness A Lifestyle With Savannah Wright
  • Make a plan for the week. Know that some weeks will be busier with events and obligations and you might not be able to work out as much as you want to. That is fine. Overall consistency is key, but not every week will be perfect.
  • Know that your body will change. You will need to alter your workouts. Don’t compare your body to how it was years ago. Your body may be looking for a different kind of workout.
  • Mindful mile – run a mile without music – focus on mindfulness – your breath and your thoughts
  • Yet, at the same time, you show up every day for work and for others. Show up every day for yourself. Don’t rely on motivation. Rely on self-respect, commitment, and dedication.
  • Give a new fitness program 90 days before deciding if it’s for you long-term.
  • Don’t wait until you “have the time.” Find the time. Prioritize yourself and your health.
  • If you can stream shows for an hour or hours, you have time to work out. You can even walk on the treadmill or lift weights while you watch.
  • Determine your why. Is it longevity? Physique? An event? You want to feel better? You’re only doing it because someone told you to do it?
Life Kit – How to practice ‘deep reading’
  • Reading can be extremely difficult because things are competing for your attention. Our brains aren’t meant to deep read; it is supposed to be hard.
  • Reduce distractions.
  • Deep reading takes place when we become so immersed in deep thought and concentration and don’t give in to distractions.
  • We tend to skim instead of deep read. Skimming is one of the greatest disruptions of deep reading. It’s a defense mechanism.
  • Screens are fine if you are skimming. If you want to deep read, you have a better chance of minimizing distractions if you read on paper, where you can go at your own pace.
  • Start by forcing yourself to read at least 20 minutes per day in print – not on screens.
  • Deep reading takes practice, discipline, and finding time devoted to it each day.
  • Do not be concerned about how many books you are reading. People read at different speeds and different books require different paces. Let the book determine your pace and enjoy your own pace.
  •  There is more memory that consolidates than we have immediate perceptible access to. On the other hand, when we skim, we consolidate less. Taking notes adds to your ability to remember and reading the notes about what you read activates what you actually did remember and have stored.
  • Deep reading is a place of discovery of others, discovery of beauty, and discovery of appreciation for our ability to think outside the bounds of our everyday lives.  
Real Simple Tips – 5 Grocery Items to Avoid, According to Professional Chefs
  • Store-bought pesto – hard no for many. It is so easy to make at home with whatever greens you like and need to use up, and you can make it dairy-free if needed.
  • Jarred tomato sauce – full of sugars and preservatives. Instead, buy canned, whole, organic tomatoes, blend them up, and cook them down with your favorite aromatics in twenty minutes.
  • Premade salad dressings – make your own with olive oils, lemon juice, garlic, and herbs.
  • Boxed broth – save your veggie scraps (carrot peels, herb stems, garlic skins, etc.) and make broth when you have enough scraps. Use your veggie scraps with water, salt, and herbs and refrigerate or freeze batches.
  • Pre-grated parmesan – seek out parmesan and grate it fresh when you need it.

This list surprised me. I love cooking, although I am not a professional chef. Still, to save time, I buy jarred tomato sauce, premade salad dressings, and boxed broth!

The Personal Finance Podcast – Why Most Americans Are Poor (And How to Change That)
  • Credit card dependence – don’t use credit cards as an emergency expense vehicle. Have an emergency fund in place and take the time to build it up. Nearly half of Americans use credit cards to cover essential living expenses. Nearly half of Americans have reached their credit card limits at some point.
    • If you aren’t making enough money to make ends meet, reduce expenses or increase your income. When you fall into credit card debt, you are paying an extremely high interest rate (often over 20%). Compound interest can cost you thousands of dollars. If you struggle with credit card debt, get rid of your credit cards and force yourself to make it work. Your credit card debt is robbing you of your financial freedom.

Decreased financial preparedness – when you are trying to build up your emergency fund, it can seem like you will never get ahead due to emergencies. You are likely either spending too much money or not making enough money. Income is the propeller that allows you to build more wealth. Have an emergency fund to protect you from life – medical deductible, vet, car repairs, etc.

Focus on how to get extra cash on hand. Open a high-yield savings account and automate contributions. Put at least $5,000 in a high-yield savings account then start to work up to 6 months of your monthly expenses.

  • People do not prioritize money flow. Figure out how much money you have coming in and where that money is going to go. Keep a list of all of your income and expenses in a spreadsheet.
    • First, focus on housing, food, and transportation and get those expenses down. Car payments, groceries, and eating out are easy expenses to overspend on. Get them under control.
  • People worry about $10 problems instead of bigger problems: investment fees, mortgage interest, asset allocation, negotiating your salary, transportation costs, and student loan interest. Some of these will cost you six figures over time!
  • Over-reliance on buy now, pay later services for basic necessities – many people do it to avoid credit card interest. 46% of people use buy now, pay later for electronics, 56% use it for clothing, and 31% use it for furniture and appliances. Instead, save up for these items. If you don’t have the money, don’t buy it. Focus on building up your emergency fund. Buy now, pay later increases your debt volume, reduces your net worth, and can result in late fees and financial penalties
  • Lifestyle inflation and mismanagement of raises or bonuses – when you get married, it is easy to increase your lifestyle and want to do more. However, it’s still important to have a gap between your income and expenses.
    • Every time you get a raise, put half of it toward investments and allow yourself to use half of it to increase your lifestyle.
  • Lack of financial education and planning – can use a financial planner (can cost a couple thousand dollars), take a class, or read books and research yourself
  • Low national savings rate – the average American saves 3.6% of their income. You need to save and invest the savings to retire. Experts say to save at least 20% of your income (and invest it) so that you can be able to retire. Some people save 50% of their income to retire very early!
  • People are trying to access their retirement funds early and doing it often – 10% penalty. Don’t do that. Don’t interrupt compound interest unnecessarily. This year, Americans will pay $6.1 billion in penalties for early 401k withdrawals!
  • People don’t understand compound interest – they don’t realize how much it impacts your finances and retirement.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – May 23, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast – 7 Steps to Increase & Boost Your Metabolism

Your metabolism determines how many calories you burn. Here are some tips to boost your metabolism.

  • Allow yourself to go through different phases of the journey.
  • Focus on building high quality muscle.
  • Stay active. Incorporate physical activity into your daily routine.
  • Increase protein intake. Protein requires more energy to digest compared to carbs or fat. Include protein-rich foods such as lean meats, fish, eggs, dairy, legumes, and nuts in your diet.
  • Stay hydrated. Drinking enough water is essential for a healthy metabolism.
  • Get enough sleep. Lack of sleep can disrupt your metabolism and lead to weight gain.
  • Manage stress. Chronic stress can lead to hormonal imbalances that can slow down your metabolism.
  • Remember that individual metabolism can vary based on factors such as age, genetics, and body composition. Focus on overall health and well-being rather than solely on boosting metabolism for weight loss.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty – 10 Steps on How To Set Boundaries Without Offending People
  • Often our definition of someone being a good human being is someone who doesn’t have boundaries. Our definition of what it means to be a good human needs to change at the core.
  • Boundaries are about what we need for ourselves, not what we want or don’t want from others.
  • We think boundaries are protecting us from other people, but boundaries are protecting ourselves from ourselves. We can’t control anyone else’s actions, but we can control our own.
  • Set up “If” scenarios to set boundaries. If this… then this. Clearly communicate your boundaries.
  • You can justify your choice to yourself, but you don’t need to justify your choice to others.
  • How can you be honest, kind, and empathetic to their reaction? It’s okay to recognize that someone else has their own values about your situation. Be open to the idea that not everyone will agree with you.
  • Don’t have an expectation of how you want someone else to respond. Don’t project how you process things onto other people. If someone doesn’t act in the way you would or the way you think they should, remember that they are not you, and you are not them.
  • Become certain about your boundaries.
  • Ask yourself these questions when setting a boundary:
    • What is the boundary protecting for you? Is it time? Why is time important for you? Is it an idea you are trying to practice? A mindset you are trying to build?
    • What happens when you don’t follow that boundary? How would your future self feel about it if you forego the boundary?
    • How do you feel when you follow through on the boundary?
  • Plan a buffer. Someone will catch you off guard and ask for something at a time you don’t expect. It’s okay to ask for time or some space.
  • Observe others do uncomfortable things. Everything you admire in someone else is a skill that can be trained and is a life that you can live.
  • Start exposing yourself to simple actions of discomfort: calling to cancel or reschedule an appointment, declining an invite to a friend’s birthday, etc. Allow the exposures to scale. People will be offended and that’s okay.
  • Reset people’s expectations of you. Set boundaries.
The Big Flop – Beanie Babies Go Bust with Ian Karmel and Brian Moller
  • The Beanie Babies craze was in the 1990s. Each had a name, birthdate, and little story attached to them.
    • I used to collect Beanie Babies and even had a special holder made for them. It resembled a coat rack but had little pieces of elastic to hang them on.
  • 1993 – Beanie Babies debuted at the World Toy Fair in New York City and didn’t really take off
  • Scarcity is what set Beanie Babies apart from other stuffed animals.
    • Beanie Babies were “retired” instead of “discontinued” – made it seem like a collector’s item and gave Beanie Babies a feeling of scarcity
    • Not sold in popular retailers like Walmart or Toys R US – favored small independent stores and gift shops
      • The stores that sold them could only offer some of the Beanie Babies, so nobody could get the collection in one place. When people spotted them, they weren’t sure if they would see those Beanie Babies again, so they bought them.
  •  1995 – website was created where you could buy the Beanie Babies and get extra intel, such as an online catalog with more information about the Beanie Babies, upcoming release dates, etc. Some sources cite this as the first business-to-consumer sales site on the internet! Demand is so high around the holidays that Ty, Inc. imported 3 737s full of Beanie Babies from Korea.
  • 1995 – $28million in sales that year
  • Some were sold on Ebay for over $30,000!
  • By 1997, the craze was huge! Newsletters, pricing guides, and fan trivia bubbled up across America.
  • In May of 1997, Beanie collectors spent $500 million on Ebay auctions for Beanie Babies in one month!
  • In October 1997, Ty, Inc. announced they would release a commemorative purple Beanie bear called Princess in honor of the recently deceased Princess Diana. The proceeds would go to Princess Diana’s foundation and were supposed to be sold for $7. Some retailers gouged customers and charged anywhere from $25 to $350 for Princess. Many people were convinced this bear would be worth a fortune someday.
  • A McDonalds employee stole $6k in teenie-Beanies and went to prison and a store clerk in LA was robbed at gunpoint for 40 Beanie Bears.
  • By 1998, 65% of American homes had at least one Beanie Baby. Ty, Inc’s sales were more than $1.4 billion.
  • 1998 – Forbes left Warner off of the Wealthiest Americans to Make Lots of Money list, so he bought a full-page ad in the WSJ to let everyone know that Ty, Inc. made more than $700 million the previous year – more than Hasbro and Mattel combined. In 1999, Forbes listed Warner with an estimated net worth of $4billion.
  • Yet, Lina, the creator of the website and the poems on the tags made $12.50 per hour! She asked for a raise, was denied, and she quit.
  • 3 months before the Christmas shopping season in 1999, Warner announced that all Beanie Babies would be retired on December 31, 1999. It was another marketing stunt to drive up interest and demand. On Christmas Eve, Warner created a poll asking fans to make the decision on whether Beanie Babies would live or die and, in the ultimate money-grabbing move, made people pay money to vote! People aren’t going to pay to vote no.
  • The crazy had clearly passed, which was terrible news for people who had invested heavily in Beanie Babies.
  • By 2002, Warner was worth $6 billion. In 2009, Ty, Inc. attempted to recapture the magic by releasing Beanie Boos – fluffier Beanie Babies with bigger eyes. Nobody wanted to buy them like they did the original Beanies.
  • In 2014, Warner pled guilty to tax evasion and hiding over $20 million from the government due to having a hidden foreign bank account.
  • Ty, Inc. still exists. Ty Inc HQ doesn’t have a sign out front. Ty.com recently announced its line of 30th anniversary commemorative Beanies that look like the originals. You can’t buy them on the website but they will be available at select retailers.

I enjoyed this blog post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/taking-a-shot-on-you

Taking Shot On You

May 16, 2024

“If you’ve had any success there’s probably been a few people who took a shot on you early on…and probably along the way.

And now that you’ve had that success, what would it look like for you to take a shot on someone else?“

I also liked this blog post from Seth’s Blog this week:

The unwarranted smile

The unwarranted smile

“When we do something nice for someone, a ‘thank you’ and a smile is nice to receive. And, in many parts of human culture, it’s a bit expected.

But when something goes wrong, if we drop a plate or miss a turn or make someone late, it’s particularly delightful and memorable if we are greeted warmly instead of stomped on.

The moments when it’s the most difficult to be kind are the moments where it matters the most.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – May 16, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Relationships Daily – 5 Reasons We Talk “At” Each Other And How to Listen
  • It’s easy to assume you know what your partner is going to say. Instead, stay curious.
  • You’re thinking about what you’re going to say and can barely wait for them to stop taking. Instead, stay in the moment.
  • You’re responding to their “tone” rather than listening to their words. Instead, ask for another approach.
  • You’re distracted by something else. Instead, give one another a heads up that you need their attention.
  • You can misread your partner’s motive or intent. Instead, ask questions and try to assume good intention.
NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – Save on Home Insurance Amid Rising Costs and Coverage Hurdles
  • 7.4% of homeowners in the U.S. are uninsured (millions of people).
  • The average annual premium for home insurance across the U.S. has increased 6% year-over-year – much more than that in some areas. Ours doubled within two years.
  • Between 1980 and 1989, the U.S. saw 33 disasters that caused 1 billion dollars or more of damages. In 2023, there were 28 disasters that caused more than 1 billion dollars or more of damage in one year alone.
  • Inflation – cost of labor and materials – higher rebuilding costs=higher premiums
  • There are some companies that won’t insure homeowners in certain areas, such as Florida, Louisiana, and California.
  • As the cost of homeowners insurance continues to rise, more people will go uninsured. Homeowners who make less than $50k per year are twice as likely to be uninsured as those who make more than that. 22% of Native American homeowners, 14% of Latino homeowners, and 11% of Black homeowners go without home insurance. 35% of people who own manufactured homes are uninsured.
  • Homeowners are more likely to be uninsured if they live in rural areas, if they live in Houston/Miami metro areas, or if they live in New Mexico/Mississippi/Louisiana.
  • Shop around for homeowners’ insurance annually! Reach out to a local independent insurance agent.
  • Make sure that you have enough insurance. Inflation has caused the cost of materials to increase in recent years, so many people are underinsured. Read your insurance policy carefully to make sure you understand the coverage and limitations.
  • Look into what steps you can take to mitigate the risks you’re likely to face in your area – flood vents, fire-resistant siding, alarm system, etc.
  • Worst case scenario: consider relocating. Many people are finding they have no choice but to pack up and move to a place where they can afford to insure their homes.
Life Kit – Colorectal cancer rates are on the rise. Here’s what to know
  • Colorectal cancer is the first cause of cancer death in men and the second in women.
  • Most colorectal cancer starts out as a polyp and is highly curable when localized to the bowel. Surgery is the main way it is treated, and it leads to a cure in about 50% of cases.
  • The recommendation is to start getting colorectal cancer screenings at age 45. If you have a sibling or parent who has a history of colorectal cancer, you should start screening at age 35.
  • A colonoscopy is the gold standard screening tool and is recommended every ten years for those who don’t have an increased risk of colorectal cancer.
  • Another commonly used tool is a stool test: fecal immunochemical test (FIT). It detects small amounts of blood in the stool and is done annually.
  • Cologuard is a stool DNA test which detects blood and DNA changes that come from a cancerous or pre-cancerous polyp in the stool.
  • During a colonoscopy, a doctor inserts a scope with a camera into the rectum to see the entire colon. They can cut out polyps or abnormal tissues and send off biopsy tissues for analysis. It is not uncommon to find and remove several polyps during the procedure.
  • Prep for a colonoscopy: 24 hours clear liquid diet + laxative beverage to clear you out before the procedure.
  • A colonoscopy is a procedure that can find and eliminate the polyp that is the cancer!
  • Symptoms to watch out for: blood in stool, change in bowel habits, weight loss for no known reason, feeling of bloating/fullness/fatigue
  • Risk factors: lack of regular physical activity, a diet low in fruits and vegetables, a diet low in fiber, a diet with too much fat or too much processed meats, being overweight or obese, alcohol and tobacco use
Life Kit – Create the birthday you want to celebrate
  • If we want to celebrate our birthdays with joy, we need to take charge of our day and make it what we want. It’s up to you to be proactive about your birthday and to take the reigns on how you want your day to go.
    • For my birthday this year (May 10), I wanted a weekend away. My husband and I enjoyed a cave tour, mini golf, a picnic lunch, renting bikes and biking on a state trail, going out for supper, and relaxing in the evening.
  • There is no right or wrong way to celebrate your birthday. Think of your birthday as your own personal holiday, which requires some prep. If you want to, order tickets to a show, order a cake, etc. Communicate your vision to other people involved. Don’t wait for others to show up and make things happen for you.
  • Tell people it’s your birthday if you want to.
  • Buy yourself something you really want. Buy yourself a $1 scratch-off ticket.
  • If you hate your birthday, keep things simple. Take the day off if you can and choose something you want to do for yourself.
  • Small steps could mean buying a single slice of birthday cake, calling and catching up with a friend, journaling, etc.

Self Improvement Daily – Brutally Honest With Ourselves, Skillfully Honest With Others

The most impactful thing we can hear from ourselves is the direct, unbiased, unfiltered version of what’s going on. We often add fluff to mute the blow to protect us from anything that’s psychologically challenging. Don’t be so blunt that you become self-deprecating but give yourself grace as you accept the truth.

When dealing with others, there’s a lot more context that comes into play. The recipient must be open to hearing what you have to say if you want it to be effective. So navigating honesty more delicately allows the message to be less confrontational and more collaborative.

Be brutally honest with yourself and skillfully honest with others.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!