Author: amybenoit

I'm Amy and I love reading, learning, and sharing! I read 76 books in 2022 and shared my reviews on Facebook. To reach a wider audience, I have created Read, Learn, Share, where I am excited to share book reviews and many other things I have learned.
Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – October 10, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Self-Growth Nerds – The Power of Consistency: 5 Mindset Shifts for Achieving Your Dreams

  • Consistency – to show up again and again for what is important to you – working out, journaling, sharing a blog post, going to a comedy club monthly, etc.
  • Remove the pressure of perfection. Lower the bar of your expectations.
    • Show up and be consistent. Control what you can control but know that you won’t be perfect every time. Focus on showing up and trying your best.
    • What feels alive in me right now? What is something interesting I’ve seen or heard recently, and what’s the meaning in there?
  • Commit. Make a decision and be clear in what you’re committing to.
    • Know what it is you are committing to. Ex: run one mile each day, post one blog post each week, go on one outing per week, etc.
  • Don’t expect to be consistent in every single aspect of your life. Choose your priorities wisely. Be clear about why each choice is important and accept the grief that comes with loss.
    • Choose what lights you up rather than what makes sense. Choose something you really want to do.
  • Make it a part of your identity and find pride in that.
    • “I am someone who posts a podcast every week.” “I am someone who runs every day.” “I am someone who reads every day.” Etc.“I am becoming someone who _____.” “I am someone who ____ because ____.”
    • Choose a new identity today. Choose one thing to focus on and embody that new part of your identity.
  • Never beat yourself up. Decide what kind of boss you want to be to yourself. Firm, loving, forgiving.
  • Tips:
    • Put it on the calendar. If it’s not on the calendar, it’s probably not going to happen
    • Habit stack – ex: journal while drinking coffee, watch tv while walking on the treadmill, listen to a podcast while doing chores
    • Remove pain points. Think of convenience.
    • Get an accountability partner.

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 10 Things Being a Therapist Taught Me About the Human Experience

  • Most people fear they’re not good enough. At the heart of almost every issue is the fear of not being good enough. This manifests in different ways. One person might become an overachiever, other people just don’t try, other people change who they are or act differently depending on who is around them because they want to feel accepted.
  • Everyone has secrets – mental health issues, addictions, childhood abuse, etc.
  • People’s inner worlds are often hidden. Many people believe that their thoughts and feelings would surprise even their closest friends and family.
  • The desire for connection is universal. Many people feel lonely in a crowded room.
  • Self-criticism is rampant. We are our own harshest critics and hold ourselves to impossible standards. Self-judgment leads to guilt and anxiety. Learn to reframe your inner dialogue and train your brain to think differently and have self-compassion.
  • Change is terrifying yet desired. We crave change to improve our lives, but we fear it because we hate uncertainty.
  • Vulnerability is both feared and desired. We all have a desire to be understood, yet fear keeps us from being vulnerable.
  • Emotional pain is often masked.
  • Past experiences shape present perceptions. Our behaviors and attitudes are shaped by things that happened to us in the past.
  • Hope is a powerful force.

Real Simple Tips – 6 Tips for Keeping Lips Moisturized

  • Don’t lick your lips. Licking your lips makes the problem worse. Enzymes in saliva can break down the delicate skin, leaving your lips even drier than before.
  • Avoid irritating products. Steer clear of products containing flavorings, fragrances, menthol, camphor, eucalyptus, and beeswax.
  • Use lip balm with SPF. SPF minimizes lip dryness while also curbing your potential for skin cancer and premature aging.
  • Layer your products. Lips benefit from a hybrid approach of hydration and moisturization. Ex: Blistex medicated lip balm + Vaseline or lip oil.
  • Reapply every two hours. This regular application is crucial since activities like licking your lips, kissing, eating, or drinking can wear away the product.
  • Try an intensive lip treatment weekly or biweekly. Ex: lip mask.

Life Kit – How to talk to your loved ones about misinformation

  • Start from a place of connection, not correction.
  • If it’s just a matter of not seeing eye to eye about an issue, it’s okay to opt out to preserve the relationship.
  • Try leading with compassion, love, and empathy.
  • Take time to understand why your loved one believes the misleading content. Be in conversation with them. Recognize that their experiences impact how they engage with what they read online and what they believe.
  • Talk about where you both get your information and why you find the sources to be trustworthy. What is the evidence? Check qualifications and conflicts of interest.
  • Identify points where you do agree. Be mindful of maintaining goodwill.
  • Realize that you aren’t here to change anyone’s core beliefs. You’re simply trying to address a piece of information that is not correct.
  • Correcting political misinformation doesn’t make much difference in how much people trust that source in the future or in how likely they are going to vote for a political candidate.
  • When you do attempt to correct misinformation, provide a detailed fact check. What is actually true?
  • Corrections to misinformation are worth repeating. Don’t expect things to change after one conversation.

With this year being an election year, misinformation is rampant. Use these tips to talk to your loved ones about misinformation or simply opt to not talk about different beliefs. Sometimes people are so strong in their opinions that no evidence you provide will change them, and it’s important to recognize and accept that.

I enjoyed this blog post from Seth’s Blog this week:

Everything costs

Everything costs

But not all costs are the same.

There are three kinds of costs that people get confused about, but understanding them, really understanding them–in your bones–unlocks opportunity.

Opportunity cost: If you eat the cupcakes, you can’t also eat the brownies. Every time we choose to do something, we’re choosing not to do something else.

Sunk costs: If you’ve invested time or money in something (a law degree, a piece of real estate, a bag of chips) that money is gone. All you have left is what you bought, and that is a gift… a gift from your former self. You don’t have to accept the gift if it’s no longer useful to you. Using a gift still has real opportunity cost, and if it’s keeping you from doing something better, walk away.

Marginal cost: How much extra does this decision cost? For a subscriber, the marginal cost of watching one more show on Netflix is zero. The service costs the same regardless of how many shows you watch. On the other hand, the marginal cost of a tuna sandwich is equal to what it costs to replace the ingredients. It makes sense to prefer things with a lower marginal cost if everything else is similar.

I’ve never encountered a person who was fully rational in making decisions on any of these three sorts of costs. That’s okay. But let’s do it on purpose.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

September 2024 Reads

amybenoit

I read three books in September 2024. School has been keeping me busy. Here is a brief synopsis of the books I read in September.

“Crossing Fifty-One: Not Quite A Memoir” was written by Debbie Russell, a retired Hennepin County Prosecutor. This book contained themes of family dynamics, building your own identity, addiction, and reducing the stigma associated with addiction.

Debbie’s grandfather suffered with asthma and admitted himself to a federal narcotic farm for his Demerol addiction, where he assisted in treating his fellow patients. In this memoir, Debbie shares insights into her family’s history through her conversations, research, and letters her grandfather wrote or received. Here are some quotes that stood out to me:

“Since most addicts have some sort of personality disorder, it follows that the basic attack on the problem of addiction is to prevent the development of such disorders. It is the current belief that most of these result from frustrated drives for security, recognition, and affection, particularly during childhood. Granting this, attention must be focused on preparing parents and prospective parents for their roles in shaping the personalities of their children.”

“It’s much harder to dig inside ourselves and try to figure out how we contribute to our own problems. It’s my current struggle. Every. Single. Day.”

“It takes amazing perspective to be able to think of a locked drug rehab facility as a ‘retreat.’ But maybe, compared to Papa’s struggles with addiction, the facility served as a haven.”

4 out of 5 stars

“We Came, We Saw, We Left: A Family Gap Year” was written by Charles Wheelan, a former correspondent for the Economist who teaches public policy ad economics at Dartmouth College. This book was an exhilarating and exciting read about the family gap year that consisted of 9 months, 6 continents, 3 teenagers, and 1 flesh-eating parasite. I learned about traveling minimally on a budget and about different destinations. Here are some takeaways:

Traveling around the world for nine months is cheaper than staying at home (if you rent out your house). The author spent less on food while traveling, didn’t have to pay for gas, and only needed storage insurance for his vehicles back home. The primary expense associated with traveling is forgone income. All-in, their budget was $60 per person per day. This was fascinating to me, although I don’t have a job that would allow me to take off for one year. To put it in perspective, according to the author, traveling around the world for nine months would only delay retirement by one year.

“Experiences, rather than things, are what make us happiest in the long run. Experiences become an ingrained part of our identity. Experiences connect us to the people with whom we share them, and experiences make up into the people we are. Even bad experiences morph into positives over time – like a funny story or a character-building experience.”

What are some lessons they learned?

  • The world is still an interesting place, and each country has its own feel and personality.
  • They are great teammates, and marriage is about picking a person you want at your side to help navigate whatever might come along, such as traveling on a low budget to bizarre places.
  • They learned that life goes on without you. They came back to a place that was pretty much the same as they had left it.
  • The greatest luxury is time – sleeping until refreshed, reading at any time of day, and wandering aimlessly.
  • There is serious environmental damage, such as air pollution in big cities and deforestation in less-developed areas.
  • It was really fun. Adventures turned out to be worthy of that anticipation, and many great moments were entirely circumstantial.

5 out of 5 stars

“Ultra-Processed People: The Science Behind Food That Isn’t Food” was a fascinating and alarming book written by Chris Van Tulleken, who has a medical degree from Oxford and a PhD in molecular virology. Chris is an associate professor at University College London and a practicing infection diseases doctor. Chris studied ultra-processed foods (UPF) and conducted an experiment. He stopped eating UPF for 4 weeks, then ate 80% UPF for 4 weeks. He had his weight, height, BMI, and body fat measured both before and after the experiment, and he gained 6 kilograms (about 13 pounds). His appetite hormones were deranged, he had a 5x increase in leptin (the hormone that comes from fat), and his C-reactive protein (a marker that indicates inflammation) had doubled!

I learned a lot from this book. Here are some of the main points:

  • If it’s wrapped in plastic and has at least one ingredient that you wouldn’t normally find in a standard home kitchen, it’s UPF. Almost every food that comes with a health claim on the packet is UPF. UPF is high in calories, fat, and sugar and low in fiber.
  • UPF displaces diverse whole foods from the diet, especially among low-income groups. It’s addictive. The emulsifiers, preservatives, modified starches, and other additives damage the microbiome. The convenience, price, and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought, which leads to more snacking, less chewing, faster eating, increased consumption, tooth decay, and other health issues.
  • There are over 10,000 additives used in food in the United States – flavors, flavor enhancers, colors, emulsifiers, artificial sweeteners, thickeners, humectants, stabilizers, acidity regulators, preservatives, antioxidants, foaming agents, anti-foaming agents, bulking agents, carbonating agents, gelling agents, glazing agents, chelating agents, bleaching agents, leavening agents, clarifying agents, etc. Over 1,000 of these were self-determined to be safe and are not FDA approved.
  • “Most UPF is not food. It’s an industrially produced edible substance.”

This book covered several UPF ingredients, foods they are found in, and the damaging effects of them. One of those that stood out most to me was xanthan gum, which is found in many gluten-free foods and flours. Xanthan gum is a bacterial exudate slime that bacteria produce to allow them to cling to surfaces. “Think of xanthan gum the next time you scrape the accumulated gunk from the filter on your dishwasher.” Or don’t!

4 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – September 19, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Living Daily – If You’re Feeling Stuck, Look Inward by Emily Rose Barr

  • If you’re feeling stuck on a relationship, a longtime goal, a time-consuming project, a career move, or some other aspect of life, pause and look inward. Utilize this period as an opportunity to:
    • Get to know yourself better. Ask yourself what makes this decision challenging and examine your answers closely. Use them to hone in on your values and what matters most to you.
  • Connect with others. Being vulnerable fosters deep relationships and engenders feelings of safety and understanding when we experience the gift of being heard.
  • Recognize your limits. Ask yourself what you could do differently that would make the option of sticking things out more appealing. Decide which variables you can start to conquer.
  • Recharge. Give yourself space and time to recharge. Switch up your surroundings, go on a walk, sleep, etc.
  • Practice gratitude. Take a moment to reflect on all that is going right in your life and be grateful.

I really enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/thoughts-and-actions

Thoughts And Actions

September 16, 2024

“If you’re not going to do something about it, stop thinking about it.

If you’re not going to put action behind the things you spend a lot of time thinking about, it’s worth thinking of something else. Something that you’re going to move from thoughts into actions.

Your time and your thoughts are precious and powerful so it’s important to spend them in ways that make a difference to yourself and to others.”

Life Kit – Boost your mood in 15 minutes

  • Cold plunging – submerge yourself in cold water. A quick dip in cold water can improve your mood. Find a body of water in the 50–60-degree range and prioritize safety. Plan to warm up fast after.
  •  What is the least amount of movement needed to offset the risks of sitting? Just taking a 1-2 minute walk each hour helps to lower blood pressure (as opposed to sitting for 8 hours straight at work). Walking/movement five minutes per hour = more impressive results – lower blood pressure, less fatigued, better mood. If you have a few minutes, move your body for a better mood.
  • Create something. Make art – color, paint, pottery, etc.
  • NPR Joy Generator app
  • Tap into ASMR to calm your mind.
  • Watch cute animal videos or cuddle with your cat/dog.
  • Reflect on memories/nostalgia. Go through your camera roll. Listen to old music hits.

The Liz Moody Podcast – 5 Things I Did to Fix My Phone Addiction

  • Treat the dopamine problem with dopamine solutions. Intentionally seek out hard things – a cold shower, a challenging crossword puzzle, allowing for discomfort each day. Exercise. Move your body every day. Less addicted to phone, more dopamine
  • Turn your phone to gray scale. Makes phone unappealing – less bright addictive colors
  • Remember the 23-minute rule. Science shows the need to check your phone is temporary. If it takes you 23 minutes to get into a state of full focus after checking your phone, remind yourself that if can make it through 23 minutes, you will enter a state of flow and focus.
  • Create physical barriers to being on your phone. Phones are designed to be more powerful than our willpower. Don’t have your phone in the room when you’re trying to get work done. Use an alarm clock instead of your phone. Brick device – Iphone only

https://apps.apple.com/us/app/brick-ditch-distractions/id6448794069

  • Create a “What do I really need?” menu. What are you looking for your phone to give you right now? Joy? Consult your joy list – getting out in nature, singing, coloring, reading, walking, music, etc. Bored? Novelty-reducing boredom – plan something fun. Rest? Nap, meditate, read, etc. Every time you reach for your phone, ask yourself what you really need and brainstorm options that satisfy that need on a deep and true level.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – September 12, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 7 Things to Spend Money On if You Want to Be a Happier Person

  • Experiences (over material goods) – collect moments, not things.
  • Invest money in relationships – pets, spouses, etc.
  • Personal development and education – think about what you like to learn about and find ways to grow and learn – buy books, take a course or attend a conference, take a trip somewhere to learn more about a culture, etc.
  • Anything related to health and wellness – gym membership, fitness equipment, therapy, quality food, etc.
  • Anything related to self-care and relaxation – massage, meditation class, hobbies, hiring a house cleaner, etc.
  • Acts of kindness and charity – spending money on other people makes us happier than spending money on ourselves. Gifts, charity donations, volunteering, etc.
  • Things that help you spend quality time in nature – outdoor activities, taking a trip in nature, etc.

What didn’t make the list? Having a bigger house, a fancier car, a designer purse, etc.

Optimal Health Daily – 10 Ways to Measure Progress (That Aren’t Weight Loss) by Amanda Wheeler

This podcast stood out to me because SO many people work out solely to achieve a certain weight or physique and are often left disappointed and discouraged from continuing to exercise because they aren’t achieving the weight they desire. There are so many reasons to exercise aside from just weight loss, and there are many other ways to measure progress that aren’t weight loss.

  • Weight lifted – Can you lift heavier this month than last month?
  • Recovery – How do you feel between sets? Are you able to bring your heart rate down quickly and bounce back in?
  • Reps for time – Can you do more work in the same amount of time or the same amount of work in less time?
  • Resting heart rate – if your resting heart rate is lower, your heart is more efficient. If you’ve been training and your resting heart rate goes down, that’s progress.
  • Aerobic window – the difference between your resting heart rate and your anaerobic threshold.
  • Mobility/range of motion – if you notice you can get more range of motion, that’s progress.
  • Energy – How do you feel during the day? Are you drinking caffeine to stay awake, or do you have a consistent pep in your step? If you no longer crash midday or reach for the extra dose of caffeine, that’s progress.
  • Sleep – Are you now waking up feeling rested? That’s progress.
  • Clothing – Is your clothing getting looser? Using clothing to measure progress is a great way to feel good about yourself without diminishing the feeling by the number on the scale.
  • Confidence – How do you feel about yourself? Feeling more confident is a measure of progress that gets overlooked.

Optimal Relationships Daily – 12 Relationship Truths I Wish I Knew 12 Years Ago by Marc Chernoff

  • You have to love yourself first. Fall in love with yourself and share that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self-love deficit.
  • You get what you put in. The true impact you make on people will depend on the time and attention you give to teaching those who know less, caring for those who have less, supporting those who are striving, and tolerating those who are different than you.
  • What most people think of you doesn’t matter. No one is ever going to care about your life and the way you choose to live it more than you will.
  • Friends and family won’t always support your goals, but you must pursue them anyway. Follow your intuition.
  • Life doesn’t always change as fast as people do. Not everyone is who you once knew.
  • Love requires three things: acceptance, honesty, and commitment.
  • A big part of who you become is who you choose to surround yourself with.
  • A soul mate is a person who brings out the best in you.

I really enjoyed this post from Seth’s Blog:

Your audiobook

“Your audiobook

Here’s a useful habit that’s more than a hack…

The next time things are going well, when a project is about to launch, when a meeting has been successful, when the sun is shining… take your phone and go for a walk.

Hit record on an audio app and make a twenty-minute audiobook. Talk about what you know, what you see, what you hope for. Talk about the change you seek to make and how you’re going to get there.

And then save it.

Save it for when you need to hear from that person who recorded it.

It might become the best audiobook you own.”

Before Breakfast – Be flexible on the details

It’s okay to have requirements but be flexible on the details of how people can achieve them. The more flexible you can be on the details, the more loyalty you will probably engender. For a great many things, it is the outcome that matters.

When people can have some choice and autonomy about the details, they feel more in control of their lives. High expectations seem less burdensome, which makes it more likely that they will be met.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

August 2024 Reads

amybenoit

I read seven books in August 2024 – the most I have read in one month since starting school this year. Here is a brief synopsis of the books I read in August, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.

“The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control” was written by Katherine Morgan Schafler, a psychotherapist, write, and speaker and former therapist at Google. I got SO much out of this book and my notes covered the review pages for 2 books instead of 1! This book explored types of perfectionists, lessons learned, and strategies of coping with perfectionism. I will most more about this book in the future, but for now, here are a few lessons:

  • I am mostly a classic perfectionist (and partially a Parisian perfectionist). I value structure, consistency, predictability, an understanding of all the options so as to make an informed decision, high standards, objectivity, and clarity through organization. I don’t like disorder, I have difficulty adjusting to schedule changes, and I tend to experience spontaneity as stressful. Itinerary-centered existence can rob classic perfectionists of the opportunity to grow in a way that wasn’t planned or goal-oriented.
  • Right now, with all the things you have yet to achieve, you are as worthy of all the love, joy, dignity, freedom, and connection as you would be had you already achieved them. You are worthy of all these things because you exist.
  • There are many raw manifestations of perfectionism:
    • emotional (want to experience a perfect emotional state)
    • cognitive (want to understand perfectly)
    • behavioral (want to behave perfectly in my roles and perform perfectly in my tasks)
    • object (want external thing, such as desk, hair, etc. to exist in a perfect state)
    • process (want process to begin, continue, and end perfectly)

5 out of 5 stars

“If my body could speak: poems” by Blythe Baird included poems mostly about rape and eating disorders. Here are some lines that stood out to me:

  • “If you develop an eating disorder when you are already thin to begin with, you go to the hospital. If you develop an eating disorder when you are not thin to begin with, you are a success story.”
  • “If your body could speak, would she forgive you?”
  • “One day after years of starving and gaining and fighting, I stepped on a scale and suddenly that number didn’t say anything about me…and that night nothing on my plate said anything about me either. Later, I got ice cream from a truck and I didn’t have to make myself earn it.”
  • “I found a way to heal through the poetry. The stage is the only place I could tell my story where it wasn’t a liability I was putting onto anyone. This stage is where i learned to stop hoarding my suffering.”
  • “Do not say you didn’t try. Remember: you did the best you could in the situation you were in with the materials you had.”

4 out of 5 stars

“Lessons Learned and Cherished: The Teacher Who Changed My Life” was compiled by Deborah Roberts, an award-winning ABC News journalist. This book was touching, although the stories seemed to have a specific format/agenda – nearly every essay mentioned that teachers are underpaid/underappreciated at the end of each essay.

Here are four of the lessons learned and cherished:

  • Every teacher has the potential to make a student feel connected, valued, and worthy. The greatest gift you can give is your full presence.
  • A difficult teacher can inspire you to persevere and believe in yourself. – Deborah Roberts
  • Teachers mean the world for a child’s development. Kids are not guaranteed a wonderful home base. Kids can be struggling with emotional distress or even violence, and their teachers can be the safe haven.
  • When a teacher believes in a student before they believe in themselves, they blossom. – Keri Shahidi

4 out of 5 stars

“Picturing Joy: Moments of Connection” was compiled by photographer George Lange. George’s work has appeared in many popular publications, and he has shot many of the iconic images from TV shows and ads for TV shows. This book was not quite what I expected. George shared stories of how he captured those moments. There were some great photos and interesting stories. Here are some takeaways from this book:

  • Photos are the artifacts of the experience a photographer creates. Photos reflect what he feels more than what he sees.
  • The role of a photographer is only to be hip enough to get in the room but not have to be the center of it. His approach is to create a space for people to reveal a part of themselves to him, and his intention is to find a way to put love out in the world.
  • “My time with subjects is often incredibly brief. A small window into a life I would never get to share without my camera.”

4 out of 5 stars

“To Hell With the Hustle” was written by Jefferson Bethke, the New York Times bestselling author of Jesus>Religion and It’s Not What You Think and host of The Real Life podcast. This book was not what I expected and seemed very scatterbrained, but there were some good takeaways. Here are some that resonated with me most.

  • When our work becomes who we are and we derive our ultimate value and meaning from it, it runs the risk of becoming our god – the thing we worship, bow down to, and become slaves of.
  • It’s time to stop and consider the cost of all this hustle, speed, and disillusionment. To hell with it – meaning we’re done and it comes from Hell. Jesus was never in a hurry. He was actively resisting cultural pressures on many levels. Hustle isn’t him.
  • Scripture doesn’t talk much about goals. It is focused on our identity and who we are becoming. Are we becoming more like Jesus by the practices and formations we are doing?
  • Have you ever noticed how a lot of Jesus’ miracles were not a part of his plan? They happened on his way somewhere else. You have to go at a pace that can be interrupted. That can be responsive to the moment in front of you.
  • The goal is “Well done, my good and faithful servant,” NOT “Well accomplished, my busy and hustled servant.” Well done. Faithful. If we want to get there, we have to actively resist the myriad voices and influences that subtly hypnotize us into a busier, noisier, more hustled lifestyle. Say no, that’s not the way of Jesus. That’s not the speed of Jesus. That’s not the cadence of Jesus. To hell with the hustle. I’ll take him instead.

4 out of 5 stars

“The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness” was written by Robert Waldinger, MD and Marc Schulz, PhD. Robert Waldinger, MD is a professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. Marc Schulz, PhD is the associate director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and a practicing therapist.

The Harvard Study of Adult Devlopment has followed the lives of two generations of individuals from the same families for more than 80 years – asking thousands of questions and taking hundreds of measurements to find out what really keeps people healthy and happy. I will post more about this book in the future, but for now, here are some lessons:

  • The good life is not a destination. It is the path itself and the people who are walking it with you.
  • Good relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer.
  • An investment in our social fitness isn’t only an investment in our lives as they are now. It is an investment that will affect everything about how we live in the future. Like a tree needs water, relationships are living things and need attention and maintenance.
  • Curiosity goes a long way in relationships. It opens up avenues of conversation and knowledge and helps others feel understood and appreciated.

5 out of 5 stars

“Calling A Wolf A Wolf” consisted of poems by Kaveh Akbar. To be honest, I didn’t really like this collection. The format of the poems bothered me, and the phrases were scattered with no punctuation. Here is an example:

There were many poems about alcoholism, but the language didn’t make sense to me. Here are a few lines I liked:

What Seems Like Joy – “My father believed in gardens – delighting at burying each thing in its potential for growth. Some years the soil was so hard the water seeped down slower than the green seeped up. Still he’d say if you’re not happy in your own yard you won’t be happy anywhere.”

Portrait of the alcoholic floating in space with severed umbilicus – “I always hoped that when I died I would know why. My brother will be so sad he will tell his daughter I was better than I was. He will leave out my cruel drunk nights the wet mattresses my driving alone into cornfields unsure whether I’d drive out.”

“Now I listen for the sighs of people who love me, each agitation I create a reminder that I am less than constant in my grace.”

2 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – August 29, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. It has been a while. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Life Kit – Fruit flies don’t appear out of nowhere. Here’s how to get rid of them.

  • Fruit flies are attracted to primarily fruit. Though they seem to appear out of thin air, you’re probably letting them in through the front door or bringing them in on your produce.
  • When you bring home fruit, wash it with water to remove any eggs and then put the fruit in a brown paper bag to ripen.
  • Get rid of fruit flies by building a simple trap. Fruit flies are attracted to vinegar. Red wine vinegar mixed with a bit of dish soap and water makes a great trap for fruit flies. The soap traps them. Having a small opening is even better (ex: using bottles instead of bowls or jars)
  • Fruit flies might be coming from the drain of your kitchen sink. Pour boiling water down the drain. Then fill your sink with boiling water and leave it overnight.
  • Put fruit in a small brown paper bag to ripen it without attracting fruit flies.

This product has also worked for us!

Real Simple Tips – 6 Foods You Should Never Store on the Counter

  • Eggs from a grocery store
  • Potatoes (avoid placing in sunlight on the counter)
  • Onions (avoid placing in sunlight on the counter)
  • Cucumbers
  • Peaches, bananas, avocados (put ripened produce in fridge to extend shelf life)
  • Pre-cut produce

Life Kit – How tech experts recommend organizing your photos

  • Commit to starting in the first place.
  • Whittle down the rubbish. Remove images you don’t need anymore (receipts, screenshots, duplicates, etc.)
  • Keep a regular photo maintenance routine. Do monthly organization.
  • Organize photos by date and do the tedious work of tagging to search and sort going forward. Add key words – vacation, friends, food, pet, etc.
  • Lean into machine learning and search functions to fill the gaps in your organization.
  • Back up, back up, back up. You should have three copies on two different medias and one off-site. A cloud service counts as off-site (Google Photos, Amazon Prime backup, ICloud, BackBlaze). Also have photos on your computer and a hard drive.
  • Share the photos. Make slideshows occasionally and share them with others.

NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – Why Experts Criticize “No Tax on Tips” and What It Means for Your Wallet

  • 2.5% of the entire workforce in the United States are tipped workers.
  • Most states have a minimum wage above the federal minimum wage of $7.25 per hour. 36 states still have minimum wages for tipped workers below the federal minimum wage.
  • Cash tips are often unreported. Credit card tips are reported.
  • Former President Trump, Kamala Harris, and President Biden have endorsed the “no tax on tips” idea.

Currently, tax tips are supposed to be reported but often go unreported, so this proposed policy wouldn’t change anything for many tipped employees. However, personally, it can be hard to accept that people in non-tipped positions are taxed on all income, whereas some tipped employees do not report cash tips and can therefore bring home more income than those in non-tipped positions.

Criticisms by tax experts:

Tax advantage would only go to a sliver of the already small, tipped worker population because 1/3 of the workers don’t earn enough to owe federal income taxes anyway

By not taxing tips, employees lose access to other taxed benefits – payroll tax to fund Social Security and Medicare – Earned Income Tax Credit and Childcare Tax Credit

Could fuel resentment among other workers and consumers. Tipping backlash/tipping fatigue – unfair – may tip less than they already do as a result.

Other proposed solutions: eliminating the sub-minimum wage and raising the minimum wage and expanding income supports (Child Tax Credit, Earned Tax Credit, and Medicaid)

I enjoyed this post from Seth’s Blog this week:

The steep part of the mountain

“The steep part of the mountain

The end of the trail is usually difficult, but without the long and winding approach, there isn’t much of a mountain.

The greatest hits reel and the stunning photographs leave out most of the hard work.

There’s a lot to be said for showing up, one foot in front of the other. In fact, those are the only people who make it to the steep part in the first place.”

I can definitely relate to this. While I was away, my husband and I went hiking at Sequoia, Kings Canyon, and Yosemite National Parks. We went on strenuous hikes, and at times, I thought I didn’t have it in me to make it to the top. However, turning around and going back seemed like more of a challenge because we had a different (easier) route planned on the way back (once we reached the top). In my photos, I appear happy and content. What you don’t see are the many challenges and doubts I encountered to make it there. Sample photo:

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

July 2024 Reads

amybenoit

I read three books in July 2024 – the fewest I have read in years. School kept me very occupied in July. Here is a brief synopsis of the three books I read in July, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.

“A Thousand Naked Strangers: A Paramedic’s Wild Ride to the Edge and Back” was written by Kevin Hazzard, who worked as a paramedic from 2004-2013. This book was fascinating and, as one reviewer put it, “gives us a deep, intimate portrait of the toll it takes to every day witness our most vulnerable moments.” Here are a handful of anecdotes that stood out to me:

In some areas, the education of an EMT – one of two people sent to save your life should the worst happen – is an eight-month certificate program. Medics/paramedics undergo an additional 18 months of training.

Memorable quotes:

“Anyone i need of extra cash, who’s been fired, or who is fresh out of jail or rehab can walk through First Med’s squeaky front door and find a spot on an ambulance.”

“This uniform conveys knowledge . . . the feeling is electric, being an insider, knowing that should anything happen, I’ll be the one called out to fix it.” “Medics don’t have to be heroic or tough or even good people. They simply have to enjoy the madness. Aside from a driver’s license and a high school diploma, that’s what this job takes.”

Sometimes the author felt like a Peeping Tom. “I want to explain that I’m here to have fun, to watch. A tourist . . . All of this is real. Except me. I’ve been sleepwalking through someone else’s life.”

“There will always be another dead body, another fetid roach-infested house. We will never escape the smells, the fluids, the unwashable ick of people deep in the throes of a communicable disease.” “I’ve slipped a hand under her head to check for head shots when her eyes pop open. I let go. Her eyes close. I press again. Her eyes open. There’s a firefighter riding with us, and we look at each other as it becomes clear: my finger has slipped through a bullet hole and into her skull, and whatever I’m poking in there is making her eyes open and close.“

4 out of 5 stars

“What’s Eating Us: Women, Food, and the Epidemic of Body Anxiety” was written by Cole Kazdin, a writer, performer, and four-time Emmy Award-winning television journalist. This was an educational, informative book that contained personal stories. Kirkus Reviews sums it up perfectly: “As much a personal story as an examination of body anxiety. Kazdin’s painful honesty is leavened with humor and irony.” I learned so much from this book and highly recommend it to anyone who may be struggling with their body image or may be dieting. I will post about this book in greater detail sometime, but for now, here are a handful of tidbits:

  • Thinking of foods as good or bad triggers eating disorders and disordered eating. An important part of developing a healthy relationship with food involves not demonizing or 100% eliminating any one food. Dieting is the most important predictor of developing an eating disorder. Nearly 30 million people in the United States suffer from eating disorders.
  • Failure is the business model for the weight loss industry, and companies rely on repeat customers who return after gaining back lost weight. The only way they can have repeat customers is if their product doesn’t work.
  • Most standard eating disorder treatments are behavioral therapy-based, focusing on changing behaviors rather than what underlies those behaviors. Chances are high that the root of the disorder will never be explored – thoughts and emotions linger long after treatment is over.
  • Author’s recommended questionnaire: Am I bingeing, making myself throw up, or using diuretics, including but not limited to any product with the word “detox” in the title? Am I restricting my food intake or eliminating a food in order to lose weight? Am I on any type of diet (Keto, Paleo, Weight Watchers, etc.)? Does exercise or food restriction dominate my life?
  • Various definitions of recovery: no more harmful behaviors, no dieting or wanting to go on a diet, a healthy relationship with movement, not being obsessed with food or your body, not thinking your body is something to fix or change

4 out of 5 stars

“The Courage of Compassion: A Journey from Judgment to Connection” was written by Robin Steinberg, founder of the Bail Project. Robin spent thirty-five years as a public defender. I read this book to learn more about other perspectives – “the other side.” This book was intriguing and helpful, and some of the stories within it were shocking. Here are several takeaways:

“What if your entire life were defined by the worst thing you ever did? And if we don’t want that for ourselves, then how can we do that to others?” We are all the products of a context and so much more than the sum of our mistakes. Compassion means to suffer together with another. Compassion begins when we accept that we are more than our own worst moment. It is an important lesson you understand when you love individuals who are deeply flawed or when you yourself have been judged on the basis of a single act.

  • According to the book, nearly 2/3 of people in jail on any given night are not even serving sentences. They are behind bars awaiting trial, mainly because they cannot afford cash bail. Further, according to the book, “the overwhelming majority of Americans who are booked into jails every year are dealing with issues of drug addiction, mental illness, and crushing poverty. We cannot incarcerate our way out of these social ills.”
  • “Years as a public defender had taught me that people don’t wake up one day and decide to commit horrendous violence. There is always a context, a history, experiences that pave the path to doing the unthinkable.”

“How can you defend ‘those people’?” – author’s response is the fundamental importance of the right to counsel, presumption of innocence, and genuine curiosity about how a person arrived at the present moment and the forces and events that shaped their circumstances. “Before you, there is a person whose entire life, worth, and character are being judged by prosecutors, judges, and society through the myopic lens of a single act. As a public defender, you must push past that paradigm and replace judgment with curiosity.”

The author believes three traits define most public defenders:

  • You love and have loved deeply flawed individuals, perhaps to your own detriment. We are the sum of our stories and new stories can always be written.
  • You have a healthy dose of mistrust for authority. You believe authority must be earned.
  • You were once probably idealistic about change and ready for the revolution.

4 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – August 8, 2024 – Olympics fun facts

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. This week I wanted to share some fun facts about the Olympics. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

But Why: A Podcast for Curious Kids – What’s it like to compete in the Olympics?
  • Summer Olympics and Winter Olympics – each one happens every four years, but they are staggered, so we see one every two years. We are in the summer Olympics right now in 2024.
  • There are 32 summer Olympic sports and 8 winter Olympic sports.
  • Silver medals are made out of silver, bronze metals are made out of bronze, and gold medals are made out of silver covered with a thin layer of real gold. They weigh about one pound. Gold medals are worth only $750-$850, but athletes will tell you that it’s not the $ amount that makes them valuable. It’s all of the hard work and achievement that the medals represent.
  • Most countries reward athletes who win Olympic medals. The U.S. Olympic Committee awards $37,500 for Gold medalists, $22,500 for silver, and $15,000 for bronze. Some athletes can make enough money to support themselves just doing their sport by winning big competitions, getting sponsors, or being in advertisements. Most Olympic athletes have other jobs in addition to training for their sport.
  • Paralympics – for those with disabilities. They happen just after the Olympic games and have been going since 1960. Wheelchairs are used for the running portion. Paratriathlon is shorter (in distance) than Olympic triathlon
  • Fastest runner in history: Usain Bolt. 9 Gold medals at Olympics and 11 World Championships
Finding Mastery – Second Place Heartache: Katie Hoff’s 16-Year Journey to Recover from the Games
  • Katie took 16 years to heal from being an Olympian because she felt that if she didn’t win gold, it wasn’t an achievement. She just realized this year that being an Olympian is “cool” no matter whether you place or not.
  • She spent 16 years disappointed that she came “so close” to winning but didn’t.

A study published in the 1990s confirmed this phenomenon:

https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-3514.69.4.603

Research on counterfactual thinking has shown that people’s emotional responses to events are influenced by their thoughts about “what might have been.” An analysis of the emotional reactions of bronze and silver medalists at the 1992 Summer Olympics – both at the conclusion of their events and on the medal stand – indicated that bronze medalists tend to be happier than silver medalists.

This is attributed to counterfactual thinking. Bronze medalists think about the possibility that they could have finished without a medal, while silver medalists think about how they missed winning the gold.

Here are some fun facts from an article from weareteachers.org titled 40 Fascinating and Inspiring Olympics Facts:

The six colors – blue, yellow, black, green, red, and the white background – were chosen because every nation’s flag contains at least one of them.

The American swimmer won 28 total medals across 4 Olympics, including 23 gold medals.

Greece, Australia, France, Great Britain, and Switzerland have sent athletes to every single Summer Games.

At 11 years old, Chinese skateboarder Zheng Haohao is the youngest athlete at the Paris 2024 Olympics as well as China’s youngest Olympian ever.

A young girl, smiling while wearing a skateboard helmet adorned with stickers, holds a small Chinese flag. She is dressed in a white athletic top

This year’s oldest Olympian is 65-year-old Spanish equestrian Jimenez Cobo.

The first year every country sent a female athlete was 2012.

Though the first year that an Olympics had women compete in every single sport was 2000 at the Sydney Olympics, it wasn’t until London’s 2012 Games when every participating country also sent a female athlete to compete.

At London 2012, Ian Millar set a record by becoming the first athlete in any sport, from any nation, to compete in 10 Olympic Games.

A runner bagged the Olympic gold with bare feet.

Ethiopian marathon runner Abebe Bikila competed in the 1960 Rome Olympics. He famously won the gold for men’s marathon with his bare feet. The athlete originally bought running shoes in Rome for the race. However, the shoes became uncomfortable when they gave him blisters while training. He ultimately decided to run barefoot which led to his record-breaking win in the Games. In the 1964 Tokyo Olympics, Bikila outdid his personal best and won the gold once again while wearing shoes.

Self Improvement Daily – Golden Examples of Resilience

The three women that stepped onto the podium for Women’s Gymnastics All-Around each have their own version of overcoming adversity to make their dreams come true.

The bronze medal went to American Suni Lee. She’s the defending champion of this event, but she was diagnosed with two rare forms of kidney disease since the last Olympics that nearly caused her to quit the sport entirely. With treatment, support, and commitment, she competed again at this year’s Olympics.

The silver medal went to the Brazilian Rebecca Andrade. Rebecca grew up in a favela two hours from her gym. Following the 2016 Olympics, she tore her ACL 3 times but still came back in time for the Olympics in 2021. She’s been healthy ever since and has been consistent with her training to become one of the best gymnasts in the world.

The gold medal went to Simone Biles. She’s known as the greatest gymnast of all time and brings a level of skill and power that the sport has never seen. During the last Olympics, she chose to remove herself from the competition for her own mental health. She faced a lot of criticism for her decision, but she invested in improving her mental health, kept training, and came back to the Olympics again with big expectations and won again.

The common thread in the story of these 3 stars is how they’ve all overcome their own adversity. They have chosen to persevere through the circumstances and displayed a resilience that is inspiring the world. You have it within you, too! The challenges you’re facing and the obstacles in your way can be overcome with resilience!

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – August 1, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Living Daily – How to Find Meaning in Life: 7 Steps to a More Fulfilling Existence
  • Define what it is that you want in life. What are your goals and aspirations? What brings you happiness and fulfillment? Be clear about what you want.
  • Connect with others and build meaningful relationships. When you have close relationships with other people, they can provide a sense of connection and purpose. Get involved in activities that bring you together with other people, such as clubs, groups, or social events.
  • Find your passion and do what you love every day. What are you interested in and what do you love doing? When you’re passionate about something, it brings a sense of joy and excitement into your life. You’ll be more motivated to pursue these interests, and you’ll feel more fulfilled when you’re doing them. Explore different activities and interests and see which ones make you feel the most alive.
  • Serve others and make a difference in the world. Helping others can give your life purpose and meaning. You’ll feel more connected to something larger than yourself, and you’ll have a sense of satisfaction from knowing that you’re making a positive impact in the world.
  • Live in the present moment and appreciate the here and now. When you’re constantly living in the past or future, you miss out on all the beauty that exists in the present.
  • Be accepting of change and understand that things will not always go according to plan. When you’re constantly expecting things to stay the same, it can lead to disappointment and frustration. When you accept change and understand that it’s a normal part of life, you’ll be more prepared for when things don’t go as expected.
  • Be your most authentic self. When you’re being genuine and true to yourself, it helps you connect more with others and build meaningful relationships. It allows you to live a more fulfilling life since you’re not pretending to be someone that you’re not.
The Jordan Harbinger Show – Sovereign Citizens – Skeptical Sunday
  • Sovereign citizens are people who don’t acknowledge the legitimacy of the United States government – don’t pay taxes, don’t have IDs, don’t register their cars, or acknowledge zip codes
  • They don’t believe the police or the courts have jurisdiction over them. They are not subject to the laws of the United States of America.
  • They represent themselves in legal matters and use pseudo legalese.
  • The roots of the movement grew out of White Nationalism. The modern sovereign citizen movement has an African American branch, the Moorish Sovereign Citizens.
  • Some sovereign citizens believe there are two classes of citizens within the United States: sovereign (original) citizens and federal (U.S.) citizens. Sovereign citizens have all of the rights of the Constitution but federal citizens don’t. Federal citizens voluntarily surrendered their freedom in exchange for benefits from the U.S. Government. Sovereign citizens renounce federal citizenship and reclaim the rights as common law citizens.
  • Sovereign citizen arguments have no basis in law and have never been successful in court.
  • Sovereign citizens believe that you are not the person on your birth certificate. The birth certificate is its own entity. A birth certificate is ALL CAPS, a separate entity. They insist that the corporation that is the U.S. Government uses citizens as collateral to the Federal Reserve.
  • Sovereign citizens believe that as long as they don’t travel for commerce or cross state lines, they don’t need a license or registration. They will paint private use on their vehicles and issue themselves license plates.
  • Gurus sell sovereign citizen ideology. They appeal to desperate people, such as people in foreclosure or debt.
  • Gurus sell diplomatic immunity cards. If they create their own country and issue themselves cards that say diplomatic immunity, they believe they will have diplomatic immunity. Gurus also sell how-to books and membership cards. They are really just selling hope.
  • They believe that not only are you out of debt because your birth certificate is the one who owes the debt, not you, but that there is a bunch of money waiting for you somewhere. The corporations masquerading as our country owe you money.
  • Straw man account is the bank account attached to the corporate entity on your birth certificate (ALL CAPS) and this bank account is overflowing with cash – known as redemption. According to the sovereigns, the government set up secret bank accounts in our birth certificate names. They believe that with the magic words and forms, you can access it.
  • In 2016, the IRS discovered a sovereign citizen straw man scheme but only after issuing more than $43 million to sneaky sovereigns.
  • Bond process – by submitting the right set of papers, sovereign citizens believe they can wipe out their mortgage, tax bills, and student loans. Many people find themselves in the sovereign citizen movement through financial desperation.
  • There are between 200,000-300,000 people who consider themselves sovereign citizens.
  • The courts often reject sovereign citizen arguments without much explanation. No sovereign citizen has ever successfully argued their points in a court of law.
The Personal Finance Podcast – How Much Should You Spend on a Family Vacation?

This episode really surprised me. It suggested that people should aim to spend 5-10% of their net income on vacations (without going into debt). I definitely spend much less than that and instead have prioritized saving for retirement and short-term needs. I am curious to hear your thoughts about this!

  • You should never go into debt for a vacation.
  • Know your NET monthly income and monthly expenses. Know how much debt you have.
  • Have your emergency fund fully funded. 3-6 months of expenses
  • Be on track to hit your retirement goals. Investing your dollars is the only way to prepare for retirement.
  • Look at your short-term goals. Prioritize those goals.
  • Calculate your disposable income. Determine if there are any savings earmarked for vacation. Put savings in a high-yield savings account.
  • Automate savings using discretionary income – example: 5-10%
  • Once you build wealth, you may be able to spend 20-30% of your income on vacations.
  • By income:
    • $40k: 5% of net income – $2k per year on vacations/ 10%: $4k per year on vacations (will need to travel hack)
    • $60k net: 5%: $3k per year on vacations/ 10%: $6k per year on vacations (travel hack or side hustle)
    • $80k net: 5%: $4k per year/ 10%: $8k per year on vacations
    • $100k net: 5%: $5k per year/ 10%: $10k per year on vacations
  • Look for ways to increase your salary, get a side hustle, or learn to travel hack.

This post from Gabe the Bass Player stood out to me this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/chances-to-connect


Chances To Connect

July 31, 2024

“If you are looking for chances to connect you will find them all over the place.

You’ll probably have to go first. It might be a little weird. It will be scary. You might not get the response you’re hoping for. You might over share. You might ask the wrong question. Your effort might not get reciprocated.

But it beats the alternative…

If you’re not looking for chances to connect, the depth of your relationships and your relational maturity are at the mercy of others’ initiative…and your indifference.“

This was a great post from Seth’s Blog this week:

“It seems…”

“It seems…”

“What a simple verb. A five-letter modifier that opens the door to discussion.

If we state something as a fact, we’re asking for an argument.

But seems opens the door to learning and discussion.

What are you seeing that I’m not seeing?”

Often times we fail to see or consider other perspectives. We state something as fact, argue with others, and put the blame on others. We tell ourselves stories and accept them as truth. We forget that our feelings and thoughts are not facts. One phrase I’ve learned in therapy is “The story I tell myself is…” This phrase has been really helpful. Rather than put blame on others, verbally attack others, or believe my thoughts are truth, I put my thoughts out there with that phrase – and I have noticed that sometimes my perspective was wrong. I assumed incorrect intentions, didn’t have all of the context, etc. What story are you telling yourself?

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – July 25, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 10 Mental Health Improvement Strategies Therapists Prescribe Their Patients
  • Act contrary to how you feel. Explore the behaviors that reinforce that emotional state and act the opposite. Ex: depression may want you to stay in bed all day, but getting up and moving is the best thing. Change your behaviors first, and the feelings will often follow.
  • Challenge your negative thoughts. Intense emotions cause irrational thoughts. Challenge your thoughts and prove that you can do something. Prove that your thoughts aren’t always accurate.
  • Add structure to your day. Be intentional about building in healthy tasks and having structure outside of work, but also allow room for flexibility.
  • Schedule fun, meaningful things to do. Having something to look forward to is really good for your mental health. Schedule one fun or meaningful thing each week.
  • Spend time in nature. Nature has incredible benefits for our mental health; it reduces anxiety, improves concentration, reduces depression, and helps us feel happier overall.
  • Get physical activity. Exercise reduces stress and anxiety and improves self-esteem. Find an activity that you enjoy so that you can stick to it.
  • Find a way to relax. Watching tv and scrolling on your phone stimulates your brain, so aim for ways to relax your brain. If you invest time into caring for your mental health now, you will feel better and perform better later.
  • Work on something that you’ve been putting off. The more you put something off, the more you dread doing it and the worse you feel.
  • Take care of your body. Eat a healthy diet and get adequate sleep.
  • Get social support. The people you spend time with might be the biggest factor that determines how mentally healthy you are. Having positive people in your life reduces the symptoms of mental illness. Remove yourself from toxic relationships.
Sad to Savage – Little Things to Help You Get Out Of A Rut
  • Do a check in and figure out why you’re in a rut. Is your schedule day-to-day not fun? Are you not sleeping enough? Are you nourishing your body with food and water? What are you spending your time doing? Is that keeping you stuck? Are those things helping you or hurting you? What do you need to change?
  • Pick out a goal right now to work towards. Ex: train for a 5k, make a healthy meal 3x/week, build a new habit
  • If you’re someone who really likes to talk on the phone, talk on the phone when you’re outside on a walk. You could start making plans with friends on the weekend to go on a walk. Look up gyms in your area and go to the cheapest one. Go on a treadmill and find a show you will only watch while walking on the treadmill.
  • Redesign a space in your home. Change around the furniture.
  • Find a book to read. Find a book about something you want to learn more about.
  • Know that you are allowed to change your mind and your habits whenever you want. You can become whoever you want to become.
  • Try a new hobby.  Take a class.
  • Pay attention to the people you have in your life, the environments you have, the music you listen to, the content you consume, the people you follow … all of those things can contribute to you feeling like you are in a rut.
  • Make a list of things that make you feel happy that you can turn to when you’re feeling down. Ex: family time, running, going outside, reading, etc.
Chasing Life – Does Money Buy Happiness?
  • Money CAN buy happiness. Buy experiences (trip, dinner with friends, etc.). Experiences bring more happiness than material possessions. Make spending feel like a treat – hedonic adaptation.
  • Think about how your choices about money impact how you use your time. If it doesn’t have any bearing on how you spend your time, you can probably let go of spending money on that for now.
  • Buying time – if you can, buy your way out of something you dread doing. Ex: mowing lawn, cleaning house, grocery shopping, etc.
  • Another fact mentioned is that people who donate to causes/charities through recurring charges aren’t nearly as happy as people who get involved in person and directly see the impact of their monetary donations.
Self Improvement Daily – “You can have it your way.”

Burger King’s motto “Have it your way” is a welcome reminder that each one of us matters and deserves to be cared for. We don’t need to settle for how things are; we can create a new reality for ourselves.

We can pursue our ambitions with pride. We can change our future if we have the courage to do so. Being selfish in investing in yourself can be one of the most selfless things you can do because it can great the greatest impact on others.

If you’re overstretched at work and compromising your own health, that’s not having it your way. When we enforce better boundaries about our work hours, we can have more time to fulfill ourselves in other ways.

If you don’t have as much time for the things and people you love, or the energy to do anything at the end of a long day, that’s not having it your way. When we say no to others, we say yes to ourselves.

Reordering priorities and making a commitment will start to shape your life your way. Balance your personal life, care, and passions in a way that you feel good about by figuring out how it all fits together.

This post from Seth’s blog really resonated with me:

The two bicycle errors

The two bicycle errors

“Momentum activities like public speaking, board sports and leadership all share an attribute with riding a bicycle: It gets easier when you get good at it.

The first error we often make is believing that someone (even us) will never be good at riding a bike, because riding a bike is so difficult. When we’re not good at it, it’s obvious to everyone.

The second error is coming to the conclusion that people who are good at it are talented, born with the ability to do it. They’re not, they have simply earned a skill that translates into momentum.

There’s a difference between, “This person is a terrible public speaker,” and “this person will never be good at public speaking.”

And there’s a difference between, “They are a great leader,” and “they were born to lead.”

The thing about momentum activities is that we notice them only twice: when people are terrible at them, and when they’re good at it. That includes the person you see in the mirror.”

My reflection: we only notice when someone is really good or really bad at something. We don’t see the “average” and we often don’t see the process that it took to get to “good.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!