Tag: #marriage

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – January 30, 2025

amybenoit

It’s been over a month since I’ve posted a Thoughtful Thursday post. I am discerning whether to continue with weekly Thoughtful Thursday posts or whether to post those less often so that I can post more book posts. With that said, here are some of the most interesting things I’ve learned this month!

The Mel Robbins Podcast – The Top Expert Advice of the Year

  • People will consistently give you what you allow them to give you. You are in control of two things in this world: what you give and what you accept. 
  • Boundaries are not walls to keep things out. Boundaries are bridges to let the right things in. 
  • Boundaries are meant to protect your peace and your energy. When you’re setting boundaries, ask yourself what you need in your life right now, what boundary you need to set that will lead you to what you need, and why you must stick to the boundary. What is it costing you not to stick to this boundary? Your future? Your peace? You tell people how to treat you by what you continuously accept. 
  • You spend more time trying to protect the battery on your smartphone than you do protecting your own or recharging your own battery. 
  • LET THEM is a boundary. 

I really enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/how-can-i-read-your-mind-better

How Can I Read Your Mind Better?

January 8, 2025

i.e. What are your unspoken expectations?

This is at the heart of so much heartbreak and frustration in this business.

Our personal expectations are ‘just the way it is’…and it’s easy to think they’re shared by others…or at least they should have read my mind by now.

It’s worth asking the people around you what they’re really hoping for. You’re sure to learn something new. Something they’ve been thinking all along but secretly expecting you to just read their mind.

You’re good but you’re not that good. You’re going to have to ask.

I am enrolled in UCC Contracts/Business Law and Probate Law this semester for my paralegal certificate program. I am not an attorney, and this is not legal advice. These are some fascinating facts I have learned so far.

For most contracts, the general rule is that while it’s not illegal to enter into a contract with a minor, the contract is voidable at the discretion of the minor. Once reaching the age of majority, they can also disaffirm contracts. The cases I read that stood out to me involved minors voiding arbitration clauses in contracts and voiding waivers of liability by voiding contracts. I believe this can be a risk of liability for employers who hire minors. For example:

Pak Foods Houston, LLC v. Garcia, 433 S.W.3d 171 (Tex. App.—Houston [14th Dist.] 2014) involved a personal injury claim. A minor filed a personal injury claim against a fast-food restaurant. The restaurant filed a motion to compel arbitration based on an arbitration agreement that the minor signed as part of an employment agreement. The court found that the contract was voidable, and the minor disaffirmed the agreement by terminating her employment and filing suit.

I’ve been intrigued by the many rules of Probate Law this semester and how different state statutes vary. For those with wills, a spouse cannot be disinherited in the will, but disinheriting children is allowed. Each state has a plan for the assets of those who die without wills. As an example, for those who die without wills in Minnesota:

524.2-102 SHARE OF THE SPOUSE.

The intestate share of a decedent’s surviving spouse is:

(1) the entire intestate estate if:

(i) no descendant of the decedent survives the decedent; or

(ii) all of the decedent’s surviving descendants are also descendants of the surviving spouse and there is no other descendant of the surviving spouse who survives the decedent;

(2) the first $225,000, plus one-half of any balance of the intestate estate, if all of the decedent’s surviving descendants are also descendants of the surviving spouse and the surviving spouse has one or more surviving descendants who are not descendants of the decedent, or if one or more of the decedent’s surviving descendants are not descendants of the surviving spouse.

In other words, if you are married without kids and die without a will, your surviving spouse gets 100% of your assets. If you are married with kids and neither you nor your spouse have kids with other people, your surviving spouse gets 100% of your assets. Yet, if you are married with kids and you or your spouse have living kids that are not biologically shared, your living spouse gets the first $225,000 plus 1/2 of any balance of the estate, and the rest gets split up between all of the kids (descendants).

My husband and I are doing the Bible in a Year series with Fr. Mike Schmitz, which has been so informative and interesting so far. One thing that has resonated with me so far is that many of us are pharaohs to ourselves. We make ourselves so busy that we don’t have time to think about God. We make ourselves so busy that we have made ourselves into slaves by saying “I have to do this, I have to do that” and all of the other things that we’ve set up. We’ve set up a pace of life for ourselves that is unmanageable, and we don’t have time for worship. God’s people were never meant to be slaves – not a slave to Pharaoh and not a slave to the pharaoh that lives inside of us. We are meant to be free so that we can truly belong to Him.

And if you aren’t religious, this can still also apply to several other areas of your life. What are the things that you are making yourself a slave to? Are you spending too much time working, scrolling on your phone, etc.? What are the things you say you don’t have time for? What are you doing with your time instead? Are you making time for the things you say matter the most to you?

Perhaps the most fascinating thing I learned this month was about the existence of the syndrome known as R-CPD (inability to burp).

What are the symptoms of R-CPD?

Additional symptoms, outside of the lifelong inability to burp or belch, can include:

  • Abdominal and/or chest bloating and pain
  • Excessive flatulence
  • Nausea
  • Gurgling noises from the neck and chest
  • Difficulty vomiting or fear of vomiting (emetophobia)

As shown, the chief complaints are GI-related. Yet, GI doctors (and many other doctors) are not aware of this condition, leading many to run numerous tests instead of asking the right questions. In an ideal world, when patients complain of bloating, gas, nausea, and gurgling, GI providers and other providers would ask “Can you burp?” If not, they should be treated for R-CPD. There are not many providers who are aware of and treat this syndrome.

Here is more information about it, such as the symptoms, treatment, etc. There is even a Reddit community for this condition: https://www.reddit.com/r/noburp

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – March 14, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

The Liz Moody Podcast – 15 Love Lessons From 15 Years In A Relationship

Here are the lessons that resonated the most with me:

If you see something, say something. In a relationship, if you see something you love/admire/think they are doing well, don’t keep it to yourself.

Question the “shoulds.” Be intentional about your decisions. Should you get engaged just because you’ve been together a certain amount of time? Should you have kids at a certain age or have kids at all? Should you drink any time someone else is at a social gathering? Should you follow pressures and milestones from society and friends? Your relationship is your relationship. Don’t compare yourself to others.

As work dynamics have changed, you need to be more intentional about making friends. Intentionally expose yourself to people on a regular basis through a book club, walking club, sport, etc. Put yourself in a reoccurring way in front of other people. Suggest avenues to your partner to gain connections.

If your relationship is boring, you need to do more interesting things. Give your relationship the new outputs it needs and deserves – conversations, activities, etc. Ex: Read a separate article each week and tell your partner what you read, learned, and anything interesting you would like to discuss from that article. It will result in more interesting conversations. Ex: podcast walks with partner – discuss podcast at the end of the walk to spark new conversations

Assume the best intentions. Even if it is your partner’s fault, recognize that your partner can be at fault without intending to hurt you.

Plan together. It is really easy for people to change and for their desires to change. There are expectations people have, and when they are not spoken, we run into real problems. Communicate your desires so that you can plan together.

Communication is the crux of all relationship success and woes. Get your partner to know what you want in life and know what they want in life.

Sad to Savage – 26 Things I’ve Learned at 26

Here are some of the best lessons mentioned in this podcast:

  • Putting up boundaries with other people starts with you making boundaries for yourself. It’s okay to be selfish with your time.
  • The quality of the people you spend time with matters more than the quantity.
  • Growth is not always linear, and sometimes you need to have low moments and face challenges to grow.
  • You need to make the choice to walk away from something that no longer serves you.
  • When life changes and things do not go according to plan, that’s because it’s not according to YOUR plan. God has a plan for you.
  • Self-limiting beliefs can be broken. Figure out what your self-limiting beliefs are.
  • Comparison truly is the thief of joy. Don’t compare your timeline to someone else’s.
  • You will never find the time. You need to create it.
  • You truly never know what someone is dealing with beyond the surface.
Optimal Living Daily – 8 Habits to Keep Paper Clutter to a Minimum
  • Deal with papers immediately. As soon as you get the mail, toss all of the junk mail.
    • For school papers, have kids do the homework ASAP and put it back into the backpack so it’s done and ready for the next day.
    • Sign any permission slips and put them right back in the backpack.
    • Let go of all of the drawings that were sent home. If you find something unique, you can take a picture with your child holding it and talk to your child about it before letting it go.
    • Church bulletins – take a photo if needed, mark events on your calendar, and throw them away.
  • Have an inbox for all of the papers that need to be dealt with soon.
  • Have a long-term filing system for things that need to be kept, such as tax records, personal records, etc.
  • Set a weekly time to catch up on paper. Take time each week to pay bills, deal with papers, etc.
  • Set as many statements as possible to “paperless.” Set aside time each week to pay/review/respond as necessary. Automate bills.
  • Toss receipts if you don’t need them for tax purposes.
  • Cancel magazine subscriptions.
  • Avoid paper couponing.

This week I have been reading a fascinating book called “Like, Literally, Dude: Arguing for the Good in Bad English” by Valerie Fridland. Valerie pointed out research about the differences of “uh” vs “um” and their impact.

“Um” is used when longer delays in answering a question are anticipated. “Uh” indicates that our listener may need to wait a second or two for an answer, but “um” indicates they will need to wait longer. A filled pause (“uh” or “um” instead of silence) conveys information at a meta level.

“Uh” or “um” signals listeners to be on alert because there is generally something requiring greater cognitive effort happening. People typically use filled pauses when talking about unfamiliar, difficult, unpredictable, or abstract things, so we incorporate that knowledge into how we unpack what they say. People perform better on memory tests when hearing words such as “uh” or “um” before important statements or stories. This may be because we have more processing time to think about what is going to be said (during the filled pause of “um“). These pauses alert us to pay closer attention to what is being said.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – October 12, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

The Mel Robbins Podcast – If You Only Listen to One Podcast Today, Make It This One
  • Your life is a melting ice cube. We all believe that we have time, that at some point it will be the right time, that some day we will feel ready, that some day it will be perfect, but TODAY is that someday. You will waste your whole life waiting for someday to come. Your excuses are endless, but time isn’t.
  • Stop waiting. Stop wishing. Stop waiting for the right time, waiting for you to feel ready, waiting for this or that to happen, etc.
  • Make a commitment to yourself that you will get started with your goals and dreams.

How many times have you looked back on your life and thought “I wish I had started sooner, I wish I had done this thing, I wish I had done that thing.” The biggest regret you will ever have in your life is that you didn’t push through the fear and self-doubt to get started on the dreams you had and the life you wanted to create.

  • Time and energy are the most important. Pay attention to where you are putting your time and energy. Don’t use your energy on people who are draining your energy. How much time and energy are you putting into doing things that you don’t want to be doing instead of carving out and fighting for small amounts of time and energy to propel yourself forward? Working on your dreams and taking what you want in life seriously enough that you do the work to make it a reality is the greatest act of love that you could ever give to yourself.
  • Life is one long road trip. Every year of your life is a mile marker on your road of life. The road trip is a solo journey. You are driving alone. You control your life. Everybody else is driving their own car on their own solo journey. When you realize that the only person that is truly judging you right now and get out of your own way, it can spark a fire in your gut.
  • Acknowledge the thing that is on your list and in your heart. Take responsibility for doing whatever you can however you are capable to move toward it. Get serious about looking ahead instead of looking back.
  • Start directing your time and energy at the things that you want. Stop waiting to create what you want in your life.
  • Let today be the day that you get started. You can find 5-15 minutes per day to start chipping away and doing the work to figure out how to make some version of what you want a reality in your life.

Where you put your time and energy every single day will define the life you create.

  • You can change your life by waking up every day, being very clear about what you want, taking responsibility for creating it, and slowly redirecting your time and energy toward the things that you want. The more you direct your time and energy toward the things you want to create in your life and the relationships that give you energy back, you will be feeling and creating more love for yourself. Creating love from within can drive your life forward.
  • If you work at it, one day, you will wake up, that dream that you’ve been writing on your list year after year, will stop being a thing that you think about, and it will become what your life is centered around. You’re the one that made it happen day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year. What action are you going to take today? Make today that someday that you’ve been waiting for.
Eight Frugal Minutes – 5 Sneaky Ways to Save Money During the Week
  • Use cash-back apps for groceries and gas (Upside, Ibotta, Fetch, etc.)
  • Cook one new recipe each week so that you don’t eat out and so that you have fun trying something new.
  • Make your own coffee or tea.
  • Get movies and books from your local library instead of purchasing them.
  • Buy makeup from the drugstore instead of buying high-end brands.
  • Browse the clearance bins at your local grocer.
  • Walk or take public transportation instead of driving.
15 Best Cash Back Apps to Earn Rewards in 2024
Focus on Marriage Podcast – Listening Before Criticizing
  • Ask two consecutive questions, such as “how was your day?” and then a follow-up question to make your spouse feel special and valued.
  •  A major prediction for unhappiness, separation, and divorce is criticism, where one spouse is critical and complaining all the time. They’re never satisfied and are perfectionistic.
  • When criticism decreases, couples are more likely to connect and offer their hearts.
  • When you stop criticizing and focus instead on what your spouse is doing, how your spouse is showing up, and what you value about your spouse, you will start listening better and have a better connection.
  • Listen to each other without criticizing.
The Journal – The Twinkie: From Bankruptcy to Billions
  • Twinkies have been on store shelves since 1930! Originally the price was 2 twinkies for 5 cents.
  • The creator, James Dewar, passed a billboard for Twinkle Toes Shoes and shortened that into Twinkies. He thought it would be a fun name for kids.
  • James Dewar was already making cupcakes and other pastries under the Hostess brand. In his first version of the Twinkie, he used a banana filling because bananas were easy to find year-round. During World War 2, bananas were rationed, so he replaced them with a vanilla filling, which stuck around.
  • They were particularly popular with kids and often put in their school lunch boxes.
  • Dewar himself ate several Twinkies each day until he died at age 88.
  • Hostess started struggling in the 1990s as consumers grew more health-conscious (low-carb and low-calorie diets). By 2004, the parent company was deeply in debt and declared bankruptcy. In 2009, a private equity firm saved the company by buying its assets for 130 million dollars. Salvation didn’t last long, and they wound up filing for bankruptcy again in 2012.
  • Through the first bankruptcy, people could still buy Twinkies at the store. After the second bankruptcy, Hostess stopped making Twinkies. In 2012, consumers frenzied to get what could be their last boxes of Twinkies.  
  • Two private equity firms acquired a slew of Hostess snacks for 400 million dollars. They had fewer factories and employees. Twinkies returned to supermarkets in 2013. The shelf life was only 26 days. Hostess later used an enzyme that controlled the moisture in food and helped prevent it from molding, which extended the shelf life to 65 days.
  • The COVID-19 pandemic was huge for Hostess. People were staying home and snacking more.
  • Hostess sold itself to Smucker in a 5.6 billion dollar deal in September 2023.

I’ve read two books in the past week:

“Poached: Inside the Dark World of Wildlife Trafficking” was written by Rachel Love Nuwer, an award-winning science journalist who regularly contributes to the New York Times, National Geographic, and other publications. This book was disturbing, intriguing, and educational, and Rachel’s investigative reporting took her across a dozen countries, where she explored the forces driving demand for animals and their parts, the toll that demand is causing, and those who believe it is not too late to stop the impending extinctions. Here are a few key points:

  • More than 1,000 rhinos are killed for their horns each year.🦏 There are more tigers in captivity than the wild, many of which are raised for their body parts and meat like cattle. 🐅 Pangolins have become the world’s most trafficked animal, and nearly 500 prescriptions in traditional Chinese medicine call for pangolin scales, skin, meat, or blood, despite little evidence of any medicinal value! Elephant tusks are often sought for ivory, and bears are sought for their bile.
  • Around 1,500 animals are included in the traditional Chinese medicine pharmacopeia, and of the 112 most commonly used species, 22% are endangered!
  • Wildlife crime is typically a pyramid-shaped hierarchy: poachers form the base, followed by local/national/international couriers/buyers/exporters, then the consumers at the very top. Many poachers argue that “when the buying stops, the killing can too.” Overall, sanctions and legislation are not enough, and they are rarely enforced for wildlife crime!

“Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life” was written by Hector Garcia and Francesc Miralles. The authors interviewed the residents of Okinawa, Japan, the village with the highest percentage of 100-year-olds. I learned SO much, but here are their main findings of traits that promote longevity:

  • Find your ikigai – your reason for living – the place where passion, mission, vocation, and profession intersect. Having a clearly defined ikigai brings satisfaction, happiness, and meaning to our lives. ❤️ Be resilient, have a positive attitude, and manage your emotions.
  • The keys to longevity are diet, exercise/movement, finding a purpose in life (an ikigai), and forming strong social ties. The Okinawan diet is rich in tofu, sweet potatoes, fish, vegetables, antioxidants, and rice. Stop eating when you feel 80% full/almost full but you could eat more! Those who live the longest aren’t those who do the most exercise, but those who move the most. Nurture your friendships every day. Find your flow, keep your mind busy, and try to learn something every day. 🧠
  • Be mindful about reducing stress, participate in social or leisurely activities, get 7-9 hours of sleep, limit junk food, don’t worry, live an unhurried life, be optimistic, and cultivate good daily habits. 👍

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

Tips For When Your Love Drives You Crazy

amybenoit

“Keep Showing Up: How to Stay Crazy in Love When Your Love Drives You Crazy” was a very insightful Christian book written by Karen Ehman. So many thoughts resonated with me.

Your marriage is a message, and people are watching you preach.

Your husband is your husband; he is not your God. Only God can meet our needs, has endless patience, all the answers, and an unconditional love for us. Pick love when you’d rather pick a fight. Keep looking for the magic in the midst of the mundane. Every marriage is a unique blend of awesome and awful.

Love is patient. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs.

Different DOES NOT equal wrong… around the house, when dealing with in-laws, in parenting, in areas of romance and intimacy, in how you spend money, etc.

“Aren’t you so thankful that God doesn’t treat us this way – getting so angry and losing patience with us, or dredging up our past sins and offenses?” God’s word can help us give the benefit of the doubt, listen before lashing out, understand that different is not wrong, and ultimately act in love.

Baggage, expectations, and perceptions lead to most arguments, especially expectations based on past family experiences and comparisons from social media.

Think of your marriage as a fragile teacup. Learn to ask “Do you have any chips?” and “What do you need from me this week?”

When something bothers you, bring it up before it has had time to fester and grow. Don’t discuss issues when heading out the door or when one is tired and needs to go to bed. Refrain from using superlatives, bringing up history, and assigning a motive.

Strive for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

This was a great Christian book!

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday- February 23, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Living Daily- The Myth of the Someday/Maybe Life

The myth of the someday/maybe life refers to the urge to save things for our someday/maybe lives that are never the lives we are actually living right now.

Example listed in the podcast: a tan trench coat that has never been worn, but had been kept in case the person decided to be Inspector Gadget at Halloween some year.

If you struggle to let go of items for your someday/maybe life, ask yourself:

  • Would I buy it again today?
  • Have I used this in the last year/am I really ever going to use it?
  • What’s the worst thing that would happen if I let go of this? The worst-case scenario is usually not all that bad.

Tips: for clothing, turn the hangers around after wearing clothing to see what you wear, and get rid of clothes facing the original direction after six months or a year. I currently do this.

Pack things away in a box that you think you might need. If you don’t look for them after one year, the box is already packed and ready to donate!

In January, I challenged myself to give away 1 item each day in my local Buy Nothing Facebook page. I got rid of over 31 items–many items that were sitting in totes because I had thought I might use them someday! It was a great start to the year, and I may do this challenge again in the coming months.

Self Improvement Daily- Give Yourself Your Undivided Attention

People are always competing for our attention: marketers use clickbait headlines, Facebook and other apps send you notifications, friends text you and hope that you get back to them quickly, you may have work duties, and there are always other pressures on us to fulfill the many roles in our lives as a spouse, parent, family member, friend, volunteer, employee, etc.

In this podcast, Brian Ford prompts us to ask ourselves: When was the last time you gave yourself your undivided attention?

Take time to sit and reflect on what you want, how you are feeling, how energized you have been, how productive you have been, how your mental health is, what you are working towards and how it’s going, what you’re most excited about, and anything else you need to reflect on. Do this regularly. We know it’s the best thing we can do for others, but it’s also the best thing we can do for ourselves.

To achieve this, one habit I regularly practice is to disable Facebook and messenger notifications, personal e-mail notifications, and other app notifications on my phone. Silencing my phone while I am working or working on a task I want to prioritize, such as reading, is also helpful.

SHE with Jordan Lee Dooley- 6 Things I Wish I Knew Before Getting Married

This episode was SO relatable. After being somewhat long-distance for 7+ years and not living together or seeing each other on weekdays before marriage, it has been an adjustment! Here are the 6 things the host wishes she knew before getting married, and I agree with all of these:

Scheduling– know your partner’s schedule. It’s helpful to have a shared calendar to know obligations and appointments. I keep a whiteboard calendar in our bedroom and write down my work schedule, medical appointments, family plans, and social outings with friends each month.

Conversations about $– have conversations about income and budgeting. Get on the same page about financial goals and dreams. Have monthly check-ins.

Organization– Keep clutter to a minimum. Have a landing zone to put stuff when you come in the door, such as a basket. Have a location where you put mail that you need to get to instead of putting it on the table or counter. Have one space for the majority of the cleaning supplies. Use a file cabinet with organized tabs. Understand how you organize differently. Minimize your belongings.

The host specifically stated that her husband is into outdoor activities, such as golf, fishing, and hunting. She was tired of seeing all of his items all over the garage, so she got him a big bin to put all of his items into–out of sight.

We have implemented some of the organizational tips above. We have a large storage stand with cleaners and laundry supplies, labeled and organized bins for medications and personal beauty products, and a file bin with labeled file folders for items such as the mortgage, auto, taxes, medical records, home improvement, etc.

Expectations– Talk about expectations for regular household tasks, such as “If I do the cooking, who does the dishes?” Who should take charge of the household accounting? Who should pay which bills? Is the mortgage payment going to be split evenly? How do you prefer to unwind or relax, and how many hours a day do you like to do that? Identify who is responsible for household chores. This prevents resentment from the person who feels like he or she is doing it all because he or she expected everything to be done on a certain timeline.

All of these are great questions! One of the biggest adjustments for us as newlyweds has been sharing time and space. When dating for 7+ years, we spent weeknights apart. Upon moving in together, I was very surprised and frustrated to find that my husband watches hours of tv each night after work–something I had never done regularly on a weeknight. I have since learned that this is his method of relaxing and unwinding after a long day of physical labor. I sit all day, so I have other ways of unwinding, including working out and staying active, reading, etc. We have our separate time and come together at some point each day to unwind together.

Hospitality– practice hospitality by regularly hosting people. We LOVE hosting people and are hoping to host more often.

Grace– lastly, give yourself grace! Being a power couple isn’t the goal. The perfect couple doesn’t exist. What you see on social media is only a fraction.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!