Category: Thoughtful Thursday posts

Learn about a variety of things I’ve learned each week.

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – May 16, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Relationships Daily – 5 Reasons We Talk “At” Each Other And How to Listen
  • It’s easy to assume you know what your partner is going to say. Instead, stay curious.
  • You’re thinking about what you’re going to say and can barely wait for them to stop taking. Instead, stay in the moment.
  • You’re responding to their “tone” rather than listening to their words. Instead, ask for another approach.
  • You’re distracted by something else. Instead, give one another a heads up that you need their attention.
  • You can misread your partner’s motive or intent. Instead, ask questions and try to assume good intention.
NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – Save on Home Insurance Amid Rising Costs and Coverage Hurdles
  • 7.4% of homeowners in the U.S. are uninsured (millions of people).
  • The average annual premium for home insurance across the U.S. has increased 6% year-over-year – much more than that in some areas. Ours doubled within two years.
  • Between 1980 and 1989, the U.S. saw 33 disasters that caused 1 billion dollars or more of damages. In 2023, there were 28 disasters that caused more than 1 billion dollars or more of damage in one year alone.
  • Inflation – cost of labor and materials – higher rebuilding costs=higher premiums
  • There are some companies that won’t insure homeowners in certain areas, such as Florida, Louisiana, and California.
  • As the cost of homeowners insurance continues to rise, more people will go uninsured. Homeowners who make less than $50k per year are twice as likely to be uninsured as those who make more than that. 22% of Native American homeowners, 14% of Latino homeowners, and 11% of Black homeowners go without home insurance. 35% of people who own manufactured homes are uninsured.
  • Homeowners are more likely to be uninsured if they live in rural areas, if they live in Houston/Miami metro areas, or if they live in New Mexico/Mississippi/Louisiana.
  • Shop around for homeowners’ insurance annually! Reach out to a local independent insurance agent.
  • Make sure that you have enough insurance. Inflation has caused the cost of materials to increase in recent years, so many people are underinsured. Read your insurance policy carefully to make sure you understand the coverage and limitations.
  • Look into what steps you can take to mitigate the risks you’re likely to face in your area – flood vents, fire-resistant siding, alarm system, etc.
  • Worst case scenario: consider relocating. Many people are finding they have no choice but to pack up and move to a place where they can afford to insure their homes.
Life Kit – Colorectal cancer rates are on the rise. Here’s what to know
  • Colorectal cancer is the first cause of cancer death in men and the second in women.
  • Most colorectal cancer starts out as a polyp and is highly curable when localized to the bowel. Surgery is the main way it is treated, and it leads to a cure in about 50% of cases.
  • The recommendation is to start getting colorectal cancer screenings at age 45. If you have a sibling or parent who has a history of colorectal cancer, you should start screening at age 35.
  • A colonoscopy is the gold standard screening tool and is recommended every ten years for those who don’t have an increased risk of colorectal cancer.
  • Another commonly used tool is a stool test: fecal immunochemical test (FIT). It detects small amounts of blood in the stool and is done annually.
  • Cologuard is a stool DNA test which detects blood and DNA changes that come from a cancerous or pre-cancerous polyp in the stool.
  • During a colonoscopy, a doctor inserts a scope with a camera into the rectum to see the entire colon. They can cut out polyps or abnormal tissues and send off biopsy tissues for analysis. It is not uncommon to find and remove several polyps during the procedure.
  • Prep for a colonoscopy: 24 hours clear liquid diet + laxative beverage to clear you out before the procedure.
  • A colonoscopy is a procedure that can find and eliminate the polyp that is the cancer!
  • Symptoms to watch out for: blood in stool, change in bowel habits, weight loss for no known reason, feeling of bloating/fullness/fatigue
  • Risk factors: lack of regular physical activity, a diet low in fruits and vegetables, a diet low in fiber, a diet with too much fat or too much processed meats, being overweight or obese, alcohol and tobacco use
Life Kit – Create the birthday you want to celebrate
  • If we want to celebrate our birthdays with joy, we need to take charge of our day and make it what we want. It’s up to you to be proactive about your birthday and to take the reigns on how you want your day to go.
    • For my birthday this year (May 10), I wanted a weekend away. My husband and I enjoyed a cave tour, mini golf, a picnic lunch, renting bikes and biking on a state trail, going out for supper, and relaxing in the evening.
  • There is no right or wrong way to celebrate your birthday. Think of your birthday as your own personal holiday, which requires some prep. If you want to, order tickets to a show, order a cake, etc. Communicate your vision to other people involved. Don’t wait for others to show up and make things happen for you.
  • Tell people it’s your birthday if you want to.
  • Buy yourself something you really want. Buy yourself a $1 scratch-off ticket.
  • If you hate your birthday, keep things simple. Take the day off if you can and choose something you want to do for yourself.
  • Small steps could mean buying a single slice of birthday cake, calling and catching up with a friend, journaling, etc.

Self Improvement Daily – Brutally Honest With Ourselves, Skillfully Honest With Others

The most impactful thing we can hear from ourselves is the direct, unbiased, unfiltered version of what’s going on. We often add fluff to mute the blow to protect us from anything that’s psychologically challenging. Don’t be so blunt that you become self-deprecating but give yourself grace as you accept the truth.

When dealing with others, there’s a lot more context that comes into play. The recipient must be open to hearing what you have to say if you want it to be effective. So navigating honesty more delicately allows the message to be less confrontational and more collaborative.

Be brutally honest with yourself and skillfully honest with others.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – April 25, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Before Breakfast – Make your days fulfilling, not just filled
  • Many times our days are filled, but aren’t especially fulfilling. We run from one thing to the next without a lot of meaning. The pressure of things to be done can keep us from being fully present and engaged. We always have the power to make sure our days feel fulfilling and not just filled.
  • Plan for “you time.” Actively consider what would be fulfilling. What will have an impact on you and others? What will you remember? What will matter a month or a year from now?
  • Consider your priorities for your career, relationships, and self. Consider what is most important for you to do each week. Be intentional about determining what really matters.
  • Be present for the experiences you schedule. Take a couple of deep breaths and remind yourself why you are there. This isn’t just one more thing on the calendar; there’s a reason for it.
  • Create a life worth living.
Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 5 Mental Strength Exercises to Do Today to Grow Mentally Stronger
  • Put a name to whatever it is that you are feeling right now. Name it to tame it. Labeling an emotion helps your body and brain make more sense of what is going on.
  • Ask if that feeling is a friend or an enemy. If it’s a friend, embrace it and let yourself feel that feeling. If it’s an enemy, change the way you think and/or change your behavior.
  • Identify three things that you are grateful for. Gratitude is a superpower.
  • Write yourself a kind letter. Most of us are too hard on ourselves, which doesn’t drive us to do better. The key to doing better in life involves self-compassion. Write yourself a letter that cheers you on or reminds you that you’re strong and that you can do this. Whenever you need a boost in life, read that letter.
  • Plan something fun to do this week. It gives you something to look forward to and boosts your mood. You get a second boost when you actually do that fun thing and a third boost when you create a positive memory.
Optimal Finance Daily – 10 Ways to Take Control of Your Finances
  • Understand your cash flow.
  • Set goals.
  • Cut down unnecessary expenses. Big dreams ask for big sacrifices.
  • Start investing.
  • Increase your income. Earning more could be the main ticket to your success. In order to improve your finances, you need to either earn more or spend less.
  • Calculate your net worth. List all of your assets (savings, real estate, investment accounts, etc.) and list all of your liabilities (line of credit balance, mortgage balance, credit card balances, etc.). Subtract the total liabilities from your total assets to get your proper net worth. You should use your net worth to track your progress from year to year.
  • Find the best resources. Be well informed and accumulate knowledge.
  • Use a budgeting tool.
  • Follow a debt plan. The more time you wait to pay off your debt, the more interest you will be paying.
  • Save for your retirement. The sooner you invest for your retirement days, the better life you will get in your golden years.
Life Kit – How to plan your dream vacation
  • Vacations can vary depending on your travel style and budget – a long road trip, a stay at a cottage in the woods, a multi-city tour on another continent, etc. It is typically something you save for and plan months in advance.
  • The planning starts with thinking about what you want to get out of the trip. Do you want to decompress, relax, and rest? Do you need excitement and adventure? Do you want somewhere that feels comfortable to you as a solo traveler? Set the mission of your trip.
  • Set a budget. How much money do you want to spend or how much can you afford to spend? Plan ahead and figure out how much money you need to save each month.
  • How much vacation time do you have? If you look at the calendar and look at where the holiday weekends fall, you can turn your limited number of vacation days into an extended trip. However, that is also the most expensive time to travel.
  • Is the season important to you? Do you want to go during peak season of that destination? Do you want hot weather and a beach? Do you want to experience winter somewhere?
  • Think about your constraints: budget, time, time of year, etc.
  • Travel responsibly. Research the places you’re interested in and make sure they want tourists at the time you’re looking to visit. When you’re booking, consider putting your money toward the local economy rather than national or international chains. Learn about whatever destination you choose and be open to learning about the culture there. Be a respectful visitor.
  • Think about who you want to travel with. Find someone who has the same travel goals – the pace, activities, and how much money you can spend. Be honest with each other about finances. Some people will want to spend more money on certain things on the trip than others.

https://www.twowanderingsoles.com/blog/11-questions-to-ask-a-friend-before-traveling-together

  • Find the destination. Use the internet or travel magazines to conduct research. Consider keeping a list of destinations you most want to visit.
  • Do your best to think outside of the current travel trends. You don’t need to go somewhere just because everyone else goes there or wants to go there. Don’t overschedule yourself or overbook yourself. Find one thing on each day of your trip and build a flexible itinerary around that. Think about what’s most important to you to do on your trip.
  • Something on your trip is bound to go wrong. Once you’re there, sit back and surrender. Roll with the punches.
The Jordan Harbinger Show – Emotional Support Animals
  • Emotional support animals are everywhere – planes, restaurants, grocery stores, etc.
  • Service animals do things – guide the blind, alert the deaf, retrieve items for people with mobility issues, help people with disabilities, etc. They require intensive training and certification by the state to behave amongst the public.
  • Emotional support animals just are. They have no training. Often, they are ordinary pets of people exploiting the rules.
  • ADA – a service dog can legally accompany their handlers almost everywhere. It is illegal to ask people what their disability is or to see the dog’s certification.  Service animals don’t have the same protection. The law doesn’t provide for bringing emotional support animals into restaurants.
  • Many people get their emotional support animal “certified” by filling out a form online or getting a note from a doctor. The Fair Housing Act does not require training or certification; a doctor’s note is all that is needed! You can register as many emotional support animals as you want as long as your therapist believes that all of your pets are there for your well-being.
  • The ADA doesn’t acknowledge emotional support animals. The Fair Housing Act provides the right for an emotional support animal to live with its owner even if the housing doesn’t allow pets.
  • Top complaints from airline passengers and employees are about untrained dogs – growling, barking, defecating, biting, etc.
  • If you can’t control the dog you have, you can’t go around with the dog you have.
  • “If you actually suffer from anxiety, what is going to happen when your dog bites a stranger on a plane and you’re forced to make an emergency landing? The ironic thing is that, most of these people give the animal that’s supposed to be curbing their anxiety, anxiety medication before the flight. My emotional support animal needs an emotional support prescription.”
  • The evidence to support the notion that emotional support animals do anything is surprisingly weak.
  • There are treatments for anxiety that work really well, such as facing your fears gradually. In the end, it is the individual who overcomes their fear and gains a feeling of empowerment. Some psychologists have found that the support animal becomes a crutch; people don’t want to face their fears alone and feel emotionally crippled without their pet. If someone cannot be apart from their pet, there might be a bigger issue.
  • Some studies show that petting an animal can have a calming effect, as measured by cortisol levels, but blankets and stuffed animals have the same effect.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UT_oknjFVs
  • What can be done? There are new rules that restrict free air travel to service animals only. Delta requires a note from a veterinarian confirming the animal is trained and can be around people. We can bring about change in a social realm. When you show up for a lunch date and your friend brings an emotional support animal, say something. It should be treated the same as someone unhandicapped who parks in a handicapped spot.
  • Any laws regarding emotional support animals need to be enforced! Online websites that provide emotional support animal letters need to be taken down.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – April 18, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

The 5 AM Miracle – 12 Productivity Tips You Need to Know
  • Checklists are everything. When you can optimize every task with detailed checklists, you’ve won.
  • Respond to every e-mail within 24 hours if you possibly can.
  • Make sure your technology is not an obstacle to your success. Properly working, fast technology is a gamechanger.
  • Arguing is almost always a complete waste of time. Arguing with people on social media is not worth it. It wastes your time and life.
  • Pack a produce bag for work so that you will eat the healthiest things you can.
  • Introduce one-minute workouts each hour.
  • Work alone or work anonymously whenever possible. This helps limit distractions.
  • Work in a boring office. This will help you execute tasks.
  • Work with a timer to keep you focused and help you maintain a sense of urgency.
  • Drink water between your coffee or other caffeinated beverages. This will help you have the best energy and focus you need for yourself.
  • Dress for the job you want, even if you work from home. If you present yourself to yourself as you would like to, you’re maintaining standards for yourself and others.
  • Read something for personal or professional growth for a half hour each day. Use a physical book. The level of focus and engagement with a physical book is significantly higher than a digital resource or audio resource that would allow you to be distracted and go do something else. Physical books change your level of engagement.
The Lazy Genius Podcast – 7 Routines That Work for Me

• Your routines should support what matters to you. Routines that work for others might not work for you or might not be needed for you. These routines work for the podcaster. These are not my routines.

  • Weekly meal planning routine – meal plan on Sundays for the upcoming week. Write the meals on a whiteboard and shop for groceries or place a grocery delivery order.
  • Morning weekday routine – get up, get kids ready, unload dishwasher, pack lunches, etc.
  • Saturday morning routine – stay in bed, read, go for a walk, or do whatever you want to do in the morning.
  • One Line A Day journal and Connections/Joy journal – to write down and keep memories
  • Weekday lunch break – delicious and colorful lunch
  • Afternoon weekday routine – support kids through snacks, homework, driving carpools, play, etc.
  • Monthly routine of workdays – connect with someone monthly and work together

I am still working on creating my ideal morning and evening routines, but here are insights into some of my routines:

Daily – always. No matter what:

  • Read 30+ minutes.
  • Play cognition/brain games in Lumosity and Elevate apps.
  • Listen to a podcast/read a podcast transcript.

Nightly:

  • Dishes before bed
  • Log food I ate and symptoms that day.
  • Write in my One Line A Day journal.
  • Read Seth’s Blog, Gabe the Bass Player blog, and daily devotional.

Lunches when working from home – eat lunch and get movement in.

Lunches when working in the office – eat lunch and read.

Sundays – meal plan and prep lunches/suppers

15th and last day of each month – financial check-in – review and log all transactions, note account balances, and check retirement account balances and performance.

Last day of each month – reflect on the month – accomplishments, highlights, challenges, and lessons learned. Think about what I want to focus on in the month ahead.

Life Kit – Negotiation tactics for everyday life
  • Benchmarking – researching good information (objective data) and determining an appropriate price point (ex: salary or purchases) – Ask, People resources, Paper resources
    • Ex: delayed flight compensation– ask at the counter, ask people within your networks, research online
  • Win/win – what do we both want in this situation and how do we benefit from that?
  • Present a menu of options with three different options – ex: messy house – options: change cleaning schedule, change division of tasks, or hire housecleaner.
  • Think about your backup plan. If you are unable to negotiate with this person, what is your alternative?  Have a really good alternative so that you are able to think with a clear head and are less likely to make a decision you will regret later on. You want to signal to them subtly that you have a backup plan.
    • When you have a strong backup plan, it influences your negotiation performance. If you don’t have a strong backup plan, it impacts the way you engage in a negotiation and leaves you feeling in a corner.
  • Parties involved in negotiations – power broker, decision maker, and messenger.
    • Knowing who these people are in negotiations is important and will impact how you direct your energy in a negotiation.
  • Set a collaborative tone. HALT: Any time you are feeling hungry, angry, lonely, or tired is probably a bad time to engage in negotiations. Be mindful of the timing and context of the situation.
  • Know when it’s time to step away from a negotiation. If it is a long-standing relationship that you value and want to maintain, make sure that how you negotiate and how frequently you negotiate isn’t wearing out or fatiguing that relationship.
Chasing Life – Do These Quick Weight Loss Hacks Work?
  • IKA experts – “I know all” experts – there is often a correlation between how little knowledge someone has on a topic and how much confidence they have around that topic.
  • There are many people making questionable promises when it comes to weight loss.
  • Weight loss product ads are everywhere.  Marketers do a great job at targeting the most vulnerable populations: those who have been hurt by the healthcare system, those with autoimmune conditions or nonspecific symptoms, those who have trouble losing weight, and those who have terrible insecurities.
  • Our general attitude is “might help, won’t hurt, why not.”  Tummy teas – pretending to fix one problem (weight) but creating more (dehydration, laxative effect)
  • Don’t challenge people who are seeing benefit or wish to do a specific task. Instead, educate them on potential risks based on what science says. Challenge the individuals spreading misinformation and the companies selling miracle cures. There is always a risk and you need to understand if that risk is acceptable to you for the potential benefit.
  • Seek something sustainable and long-term.
  • Calories in, calories out is very accurate. If you overeat calories and you don’t burn enough calories, you will gain weight.
  • Intermittent fasting – eat less – narrow time window
  • Keto – high fat meals that are dense and hard to overeat
  • Limiting types of foods you can eat – restricting calories
  • Whichever one of these restrictive diets you can stay on for the rest of your life, because they don’t feel restrictive to you since they match your lifestyle and taste -that’s ultimately what’s going to help you lose weight and keep the weight off.
  • We need to have a long-term relationship with a doctor to provide continuity of care and sustain weight loss.
  • Patients should be engaged in their own health to look something up before their visits to a doctor, but you need to pair your resources with information from a doctor. Some people get sucked into products and claims that are harmful.
  • If something sounds too good to be true, it likely is. There are no miracle shortcuts when it comes to weight loss.
  • Be aware of buzz words and fuzzy claims on products.
  • Anything not regulated by the FDA does not have to adhere to their strict standards of safety or effectiveness.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – April 11, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Finance Daily – 10 Money Questions Every Couple Must Answer

Note that these questions are for couples in serious long-term relationships. You and your partner may not agree on everything. It’s more important to work through conflicts and come to an understanding.

  1. What is your policy on loaning money to relatives? Are you supporting/do you plan to support any family members?
  2. How much money have you saved?
  3. How much debt do you have?
  4. Are you comfortable investing or do you prefer to keep your money in the bank?
  5. Are you a saver or spender?
  6. How do you feel about merging finances once we’re married? This question has a lot to do with the question about how much your partner has saved. If you’re the only saver, you may not want to merge finances.
  7. Do you have a budget…and can I see it?
  8. Will you support me if I choose not to work?
  9. What type of bill payer are you? Minimum payments/full bill upfront? Automatic bill pay/send via mail? Do you pay all bills on time?
  10. What is your dream, and how do you plan on paying for it?

I thought this podcast was very interesting and I wish I had known about these questions sooner. For full transparency, I did not/have not asked all of these questions, but I think it’s a great idea!

The Liz Moody Podcast – 10 Learnings From My Week At The Life-Changing Hoffman Process Personal Growth Retreat
  • When you are saying how you feel, use “I” instead of “you.” This helps the emotion and experience feel more personal.
  • If you are struggling to change, start with any action. Action is required for change. You can act yourself into a new way of thinking, but you can’t think yourself into a new way of action.
  • We are all human and we are all going through challenges, so stop judging other people. By judging others, you are paving those pathways in your brain that are primed for judgment, and you are priming yourself to judge yourself. When you notice you’re telling yourself a story about someone else in your head, talk to them and find out more about them.
  • Clarity is kind. Don’t beat around the bush.
  • In order to heal, we need to turn out instead of in. Involve other people instead of keeping to yourself. The power of community is vital to healing. You are not a burden. Reach out to people. Relationship bonds heal relationship wounds.
  • Fun is a key part of healing. Access connection, joy, and love. Healing doesn’t always need to be hard and not fun. You can enjoy the process of becoming the person that you want to be. You will get better results if the healing process is enjoyable, too.
  • Everything we see in others is typically also in us – “You spot it, you’ve got it.” In other people, we notice the things that we are most sensitive about or don’t like about ourselves as much. The traits we find most triggering in other people are usually things we are dealing with internally and things we are reacting to negatively within ourselves. When we notice positive attributes in other people, often those are positive traits we notice and value about ourselves.
  • Don’t forgive and forget. That sets you up for future hurt. Forgive and remember because holding on to it only hurts you. Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies. The only person made prisoner by our resentment is ourselves.
  • When you impress people into liking you, it makes you feel inherently unlovable. It can make you feel that without those things, you wouldn’t be lovable or likable to people. If people only like you because of your status/your job, you may feel unlovable without your job. When we give people an arbitrary sense of status (ex: celebrities), we’re actually depriving them of their ability to be human and to feel lovable for who they authentically are.
    • When we don’t share what we do for work, the ways you identify your relationships with people are built on who you really are on the inside. You’re forced to present a raw version of yourself, and people will love you for you. You have worth outside of your job and the work that you do.
  • Be, do, have. How do you want to feel? How do you want to live? Let that influence what you do in the world and the choices you make. Those choices, as a result of the being and doing, will create the things that you have. You’ll have a different relationship with those things because you won’t need those things to be happy.
    • Be, do, have instead of do, have, be.

  • How do we help people who are different from one another experience a sense of belonging and support in the workplace?
    • Acknowledge that we all have some privilege. Ex: access to hot water, drinking water, etc. Being aware of our privilege helps us to see where we have access and ease, and access and ease give us power. What about me or my experience might someone look at and consider to be typical?
    • We need to be willing to recognize the differences in people and want to get to know them across those differences. Let me learn about your experiences so that I can develop empathy for you and gain perspective I wouldn’t otherwise have. Hear their stories, gain empathy, and broaden your view. Ex: interviews – how often do we dismiss candidates because we didn’t think they were a culture fit or they didn’t give us the exact example we wanted? What if we used their stories to evaluate where they have an opportunity to thrive and grow? Hear their circumstances and experiences.
    • Extend your privilege to others respectfully and impactfully in the ways you are able to.
    • Allyship can involve considering food allergies, accepting correction when you mispronounce someone’s name, left-handed scissors, etc. What do you have the ability to do to support others?

I really liked this blog post from Seth’s Blog this week:

Analyzing the last move

Analyzing the last move

“When the deal falls apart, or the team loses the game, or a partnership hits the rocks, it’s easy to focus our energy on what just happened.

“What if they had called a different play?”

This overlooks the real issue. It’s the first move, or the fifth, that led to this problem, not what happened at the last moment.

Creating the conditions for success is a very different project than finding a heroic move that saves the day.“

This post from Gabe the Bass Player also resonated with me this week. Often, we envy the successes, accomplishments, or belongings of others. Yet, we aren’t willing to do what it takes to obtain them.”

What Will You Give Up

April 9, 2024

“One of the hardest parts of getting to where we want to go is giving up the things that make us feel good in the short term…

It’s hard to give up scrolling

It’s hard to give up Netflix

It’s hard to give up scrolling Netflix

It’s hard to give up the peace and quiet that comes from not doing much…or doing the same old things.

It’s hard to give up the notion that people will understand why you’re doing what you’re doing

It’s hard to give up your norms

It’s hard to give up not rocking the boat

It’s hard to give up the security of your hard won reputation

The best way to get to the new place is by starting something new…and giving up something else is a great way to start.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – March 28, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Holly Fueled Nutrition Podcast – Supplement Myth Busting Series: Melatonin
  • The ideal sleep rhythm is between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m.
  • In order to sleep well, you need a good stress response/stress reduction. Melatonin won’t fix this.
  • Melatonin levels decrease with age. Melatonin can be found in supplements and in food (tart cherries, grapes, strawberries, nuts, eggs, fish, milk, tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms, etc.)
  • Supplements are not regulated by the FDA. Look for a third-party tested supplement (NSF Sport, Informed Choice, Informed Sport label certifications)
  • Dosing – best in about 0.5-3 mg doses. If you take a dose and wake up feeling groggy, it could be because you didn’t take it at the right time or because you took too much.
  • You should take melatonin about two hours before your bedtime to help mimic the circadian rhythm. Take the lowest effective dose for you two hours before your bedtime. Otherwise, it could backfire and make you feel much more tired in the morning.
  • You know it’s working if it improves the duration and quality of your sleep, especially your ability to fall asleep quicker. It shouldn’t automatically make you fall asleep, but it should make that process more efficient. It can’t cancel out bad nutrition habits, poor stress management, or poor sleep hygiene habits.

I was baffled when I learned that melatonin should be taken about two hours before your bedtime in a dose of about 0.5-3 mg. Like most people, I was taking melatonin right before bed and using it as a sleep aid to put me to sleep. I was taking doses of 10 mg right before bed and continued to wake up groggy. Since learning this this week, I changed to a 1 mg dose 2 hours before bed and am feeling more alert in the mornings!

Melatonin can be a good idea if you have a melatonin deficiency, if you have diagnosed insomnia, if you have jetlag, if you do shiftwork and don’t sleep typical hours at night, if you have PTSD, or if you have migraines.

Melatonin is not a good idea for those who are pregnant or breastfeeding (ask your doctor), the elderly or people with dementia, those on dialysis, those with impaired liver function, those with certain autoimmune conditions, or those with a high risk for bone injuries.

Tips to improve sleep:

  • Optimize your stress management
  • Avoid artificial light 1-2 hours before bed
  • Keep your tv out of the bedroom
  • Get adequate sunlight throughout the day, especially in the morning
  • Get adequate vitamin D, whether from the sun or from a supplement
  • Get adequate B vitamins and magnesium through foods or supplements
  • Get enough protein in your diet
  • All of these things help with sleep and may not require melatonin.
NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – A Landmark Legal Settlement Could Make Home Buying and Selling More Complicated
  • Agent commissions might fall in the coming years, and real estate negotiations might become more complicated.
  • For decades, home sellers had to set the commission rates for the agents on both sides. As a seller, you’re obliged to disclose how much you’re going to pay the buyer’s agent. Under the new rules, they will disclose how much they are going to pay the listing agent, but buyers will need to decide how much their agents will be paid. The goal is to foster competition and innovation.
  • Old rule: 6% commission is standard but there is not a requirement that commission be 6%. If you’re selling a 100k house, usually each agent gets 3% (listing agent and buyer’s agent). The seller collects the $100k for the house and the seller gets $94k after paying those commissions.
  • New rule hypothetical: seller sells house for $100k. Seller owes $3k to the listing agent. The buyer is responsible for paying their agent, and the buyer will likely ask the seller for that money out of the proceeds of the home sale. They may bump up price to $103k (instead of $100k) and tell the seller to provide the $3k to the buyer’s agent at closing.
  •  There is now negotiating room for how much you’re going to pay a realtor for their services.
  • The U.S. government wants realtor commissions to go down.
  • It can impact when and how you pay for a realtor’s service. Agents may go to a fee-based model. Buyers are likely to add the agent’s paycheck to the home cost and include that in the mortgage. Some agents may want all or some of the money upfront and be reimbursed at closing. Some realtors may decide to charge a fee for showings, submitting offers, or a flat fee for the entire process.
  • It can put first-time homebuyers or people who don’t have much cash at a disadvantage.
  • Some buyers will forego hiring an agent because they will be worried that they may have to pay upfront.
  • Over time, buyer agents will likely be paid less than the current 2.5% or 3%.
  • VA loans/FHA loans have rules about how fees can be paid out of closing costs. It’s unclear right now if, when you close, you can just have the seller pay the buyer’s agent. The VA might need to change its rules.
  • The biggest brokerages in each market might bypass the MLS and post listings to their own websites. The new rules indicate that you can advertise how much you’ll pay the buyer agent if it’s not on the MLS.
  • Under these new rules, sellers will likely keep more proceeds of the home sale. Sellers may be more likely to sell knowing they can keep more of the proceeds.
  • The new rules may encourage mobility and home sales.
NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – Save on Travel Transportation: Your Guide to Rental Cars, RVs, and Public Transit
  • Go in with the assumption that you will need to pay a lot to rent a car.
  • Seek out rental car elite status through your credit card.
  • It is significantly cheaper to rent a car through a downtown location than it is from the airport. Take a taxi downtown and only rent a rental car on the day(s) you actually need it to avoid paying for parking fees, several days, etc.
  • Renting an electric car – need to account for how far you’re driving/consider where you will be charging it and consider charging fees
  • Turo, Getaround, Kite, and other companies offer rental car alternatives. They are like an Airbnb for cars. These cars are usually owned by regular people.
    • Pros: cheaper, some offer delivery services
    • Cons: can vary in quality, more limited customer service
  • Account for everyone and make sure everyone and all luggage will fit. Consider whether people in your group will want to split off (may want two vehicles rather than one for group travel)
  • RV – combine the rental car and hotel into one. They can be difficult to drive and more difficult to park. They use a lot of gas (10-12 miles per gallon). You will likely need to dump your own sewage. You can connect with RV share or Outdoorsy and have an RV delivered so that you don’t need to drive it.
  • Trains/Amtrak – Can take a scenic ride that is cheaper than flying. You can take a train between destinations.
  • Public transportation  – many can take you from the airport to downtown. Use public transportation instead of a car: Denver, San Francisco, Chicago, and New York.
  • Hop on/hop off tourist buses if you’re only going to common tourist stops in town
Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 10 Worst Pieces of Mental Health Advice You’ll Find on Social Media

Below, I have listed the myths covered and the truths listed in italics.

  • Whatever happens, take responsibility. No, please don’t take on extra responsibility for things that aren’t your fault. You aren’t responsible for how others behave or for the things that happened when you were a kid.
  • Being physically fit means you must be mentally strong. Working out is a great way to build mental muscle, but just because you work out a lot doesn’t mean you are mentally strong. Some people who work out a lot have an exercise addiction, emotional pain, or low self-esteem.
  • You can’t love anyone until you love yourself. It’s really tough to love yourself if nobody ever showed you what love feels like.
  • The ultimate goal is to make yourself happy. Making happiness your ultimate goal will probably leave you feeling miserable. Focus instead on gratitude, generosity, or being a kind person.
  • Embrace loneliness because it means you’re getting more connected to yourself. Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. The cure for loneliness is connection with other people. Loneliness is harmful for your mental and physical health.
  • Stop doubting yourself. Self-doubt helps you perform better. If you have a little self-doubt, you’re much more likely to prepare better for a test, competition, etc.
  • What other people think of you is none of your business. You shouldn’t ignore the feedback about how your behavior impacts other people. If you’re hearing the same feedback over and over again, pay attention to it.
  • Stop thinking you have social anxiety; you’re just surrounding yourself with the wrong people. If you have social anxiety, it doesn’t matter who you surround yourself with; you’ll be anxious across the board. Social anxiety is treatable, but it’s not their fault for surrounding themselves with the wrong people.
  • The only way to fail is to quit. It’s okay to quit; it’s the refusal to quit that leads to mental health issues and failure. There are so many reasons to quit things that aren’t serving you well. Quitting doesn’t mean you failed; it means you were brave enough to try something and smart enough to stop doing it when you realized it wasn’t a good idea to keep failing.
  • People don’t abandon people they love; they abandon people they’re using. Sometimes relationships aren’t healthy or are self-destructing; it doesn’t mean they never loved you or were using you.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – March 21, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

TED Business – A simple way to inspire your team – David Burkus
  • Most leaders and organizations try to drive the point of why we do what we do. They look to their mission statement and send it out in e-mails, print it on posters, and put it on a company website that no one visits.
  • Most people are less inspired by a compelling answer to “Why?” and more motivated by a clear answer to the question “Who? Who is served by the work that we do?” If I asked you to think of a time when you felt highly engaged and inspired at work, you would probably think of the last time you felt your work was important to someone else – the last time a client thanked you or expressed appreciation.
  • Ex: call centers soliciting donations – some of the workers got to meet with a student who had received scholarship funds raised by that call center and got to hear how receiving those funds made a positive impact on them. They got to meet the answer to their question, “Who is served by the work that we do?” When the researchers followed up a month later, they made double the number of calls per hour and solicited 5x the amount of donations. Pro-social motivation – the desire to protect and promote the well-being of others
  • If you think about the people your work positively impacts, you will be more motivated in your work. Who is served by the work that we do?
  • If you are in a leadership role, part of your job is to become the chief storytelling officer – always ready to tell the story of the client, coworker, or community member whose life is made better by the work your team does. If you aren’t in a leadership role, you can still motivate yourself and other people by capturing every instance you hear of someone who is served by the work you are doing and every thank you that you get for any time you or anyone else needs a positive story about how the work that we are doing matters. Help them find the answer to the question “Who?”

During part of the COVID-19 pandemic, I was a part-time Shipt shopper. I fulfilled Target orders by shopping and delivering them directly to customers within a 15-mile radius, communicated with the customers regarding order status, out of stock items, recommended substitutions, and preferences throughout the process, and used self-check-out to ring up and bag orders. This gig was very satisfying, especially when I focused on how I was serving others – people who had just become parents, elderly people who don’t drive, people who were more susceptible to getting COVID-19, etc. I often received feedback about my communication, expertise in picking out produce and bagging items, and about how much of an impact this had on them.

Instead of asking “Why do I do this?” ask “Who am I serving?”

The Unf*ck Your Fitness Podcast – 6 Tips to Keep You Going on Your Fitness Journey When Life Gets Tough
  • Expect that life is going to get hard. There is going to be a time when you don’t feel like working out. How are you going to plan for those disasters? You don’t need to be perfect, but you do need to be consistent overall.
  • You need to look at your workouts as “I get to work out” instead of “I have to work out.”
  • You need to have habits and a routine in place. If it’s not a part of your life, you will be quick to decide that it’s not important. It needs to be just as much of a routine as brushing your teeth.
  • It’s not optional. Once you commit to a healthy lifestyle and workout program, it isn’t optional. When life gets hard, the last thing you should do is quit on yourself. When life gets out of control, you need to control what you can! You can control what you eat, what you drink, and how much you work out.
  • Have a plan. When you’re following a plan, you can pick up where you left off without feeling lost.
  • Have some accountability. Having someone encourage you and maybe work out with you is so important.
The Jordan Harbinger Show – Timeshares – Skeptical Sunday
  • Timeshares are a $10.5 billion industry and there are over 1,500 timeshare resorts. Over 10 million households in the U.S. own one or more timeshares.
  • Over half of timeshare owners are GenZ or millennials. The average age of a timeshare owner is 39 years old.
  • 63% of timeshare owners have a four-year college degree.

A timeshare is basically owning a vacation. You are committing to paying an annual fee to go on a trip at the same resort for the rest of your life.

3 models

  • Fixed term: buying the right to exclusively use the property in the same place during the same week every year
  • Floating: more flexibility – you and others need to figure out when you get to use it each year. Everyone usually wants the exact same weeks.
  • Points-based: variety – get to pick a different location each time if you want to. Highly desired destinations cost more points

Why would people choose to get a timeshare instead of going on vacation whenever they want wherever they want? For some, it involves less decision fatigue and planning because you’re super limited in where and when you can go. Some large companies, such as Disney, Hilton, and Marriott are more vetted and care about their brand.

NEGATIVES:

  • Maintenance fees ($1,000 average/yr that can increase each year) – generally also costs $24k to pay for timeshare up front – many people take out a loan from the timeshare developer that carries an interest rate of 6-17%!
  • Points-system – points are devalued over time and people have difficulty finding a booking that fits their needs
  • The companies try to sell you the idea that if you don’t want your timeshare anymore, you can get out of it by selling it. The problem is that nobody wants it.
  • It is hard to get out of the contracts. Law firms specialize in getting people out of timeshares.

Overall, the true cost of the timeshare and maintenance fees is not a deal for most people. The selection of destinations is limited. As opposed to timeshares, planning an individual vacation allows you to choose your destination, dates, and allows you to pick your lodging based on the location of other things.

This post from Seth’s Blog resonated with me this week:

Willfully uninformed

Willfully uninformed

“Access to information used to be scarce. We ranked college libraries on how many books they had, and time at the microfilm reader was booked in advance.

Today, if there’s something I don’t know, it’s almost certainly because I haven’t cared enough to find out.

I don’t understand molecular biology, the history of Sardinia or much of agronomy–but that’s my choice. Now that information is widely and freely available, our sense of agency around knowledge needs to change.

It pays to acknowledge that this is a choice, and to be responsible for it. What else have we chosen not to know?”

Self Improvement Daily – You’re Living What Used To Be Your Goal

You might not even realize it, but there’s something about your life right now that used to be your goal or dream. Maybe you bought a house, moved to a new city, got married, landed that job, completed that project, ran that race, or brought that event to life.

Maybe it doesn’t feel like it. We often don’t see all of the life milestones we’ve reached because we’re focused on new goals, new aspirations, and new dreams. Rather than measuring our progress from who we used to be and where we are today, we often measure the difference between where we are now and where we want to go.

You’re living what used to be a goal of yours. When we acknowledge how far we’ve come, we remind ourselves that we have what it takes to keep on going.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – March 14, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

The Liz Moody Podcast – 15 Love Lessons From 15 Years In A Relationship

Here are the lessons that resonated the most with me:

If you see something, say something. In a relationship, if you see something you love/admire/think they are doing well, don’t keep it to yourself.

Question the “shoulds.” Be intentional about your decisions. Should you get engaged just because you’ve been together a certain amount of time? Should you have kids at a certain age or have kids at all? Should you drink any time someone else is at a social gathering? Should you follow pressures and milestones from society and friends? Your relationship is your relationship. Don’t compare yourself to others.

As work dynamics have changed, you need to be more intentional about making friends. Intentionally expose yourself to people on a regular basis through a book club, walking club, sport, etc. Put yourself in a reoccurring way in front of other people. Suggest avenues to your partner to gain connections.

If your relationship is boring, you need to do more interesting things. Give your relationship the new outputs it needs and deserves – conversations, activities, etc. Ex: Read a separate article each week and tell your partner what you read, learned, and anything interesting you would like to discuss from that article. It will result in more interesting conversations. Ex: podcast walks with partner – discuss podcast at the end of the walk to spark new conversations

Assume the best intentions. Even if it is your partner’s fault, recognize that your partner can be at fault without intending to hurt you.

Plan together. It is really easy for people to change and for their desires to change. There are expectations people have, and when they are not spoken, we run into real problems. Communicate your desires so that you can plan together.

Communication is the crux of all relationship success and woes. Get your partner to know what you want in life and know what they want in life.

Sad to Savage – 26 Things I’ve Learned at 26

Here are some of the best lessons mentioned in this podcast:

  • Putting up boundaries with other people starts with you making boundaries for yourself. It’s okay to be selfish with your time.
  • The quality of the people you spend time with matters more than the quantity.
  • Growth is not always linear, and sometimes you need to have low moments and face challenges to grow.
  • You need to make the choice to walk away from something that no longer serves you.
  • When life changes and things do not go according to plan, that’s because it’s not according to YOUR plan. God has a plan for you.
  • Self-limiting beliefs can be broken. Figure out what your self-limiting beliefs are.
  • Comparison truly is the thief of joy. Don’t compare your timeline to someone else’s.
  • You will never find the time. You need to create it.
  • You truly never know what someone is dealing with beyond the surface.
Optimal Living Daily – 8 Habits to Keep Paper Clutter to a Minimum
  • Deal with papers immediately. As soon as you get the mail, toss all of the junk mail.
    • For school papers, have kids do the homework ASAP and put it back into the backpack so it’s done and ready for the next day.
    • Sign any permission slips and put them right back in the backpack.
    • Let go of all of the drawings that were sent home. If you find something unique, you can take a picture with your child holding it and talk to your child about it before letting it go.
    • Church bulletins – take a photo if needed, mark events on your calendar, and throw them away.
  • Have an inbox for all of the papers that need to be dealt with soon.
  • Have a long-term filing system for things that need to be kept, such as tax records, personal records, etc.
  • Set a weekly time to catch up on paper. Take time each week to pay bills, deal with papers, etc.
  • Set as many statements as possible to “paperless.” Set aside time each week to pay/review/respond as necessary. Automate bills.
  • Toss receipts if you don’t need them for tax purposes.
  • Cancel magazine subscriptions.
  • Avoid paper couponing.

This week I have been reading a fascinating book called “Like, Literally, Dude: Arguing for the Good in Bad English” by Valerie Fridland. Valerie pointed out research about the differences of “uh” vs “um” and their impact.

“Um” is used when longer delays in answering a question are anticipated. “Uh” indicates that our listener may need to wait a second or two for an answer, but “um” indicates they will need to wait longer. A filled pause (“uh” or “um” instead of silence) conveys information at a meta level.

“Uh” or “um” signals listeners to be on alert because there is generally something requiring greater cognitive effort happening. People typically use filled pauses when talking about unfamiliar, difficult, unpredictable, or abstract things, so we incorporate that knowledge into how we unpack what they say. People perform better on memory tests when hearing words such as “uh” or “um” before important statements or stories. This may be because we have more processing time to think about what is going to be said (during the filled pause of “um“). These pauses alert us to pay closer attention to what is being said.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – March 7, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Before Breakfast – You don’t need more time
  • You probably don’t need more time in order to do the things you want to do. Instead of looking for more time, change up how you’re spending your time now. You may be surprised at what can fit.
  • Getting an extra day in the year (leap day) does not, by itself, change much for most people. Time is about choices. If you’d like to spend time differently, figure that out and make it happen. Make the most of your time.

I recently read the book “How to Break Up With Your Phone” by Catherine Price, an award-winning writer and science journalist and learned that, on average, Americans spend more than four hours a day on their phones! If you were to limit phone use to one hour a day, what could you accomplish with the extra three hours? Our actions often show what our values are. We often don’t need more time; we need to examine our priorities.

TED Health – Why you shouldn’t trust boredom
  • Our boredom and how we snap out of it can tell us a lot about ourselves.
  • Boredom is a problem in schools. When students are bored in school, they can’t focus, they lose interest, and they misbehave. Students who are chronically bored may drop out. When we’re bored, we drink too much, eat too much, spend too much money, half-listen to people, idle our time with social media and scrolling, etc.
  • Boredom tends to objectify things. Ex: that’s a boring person, that’s a boring book, etc. What bores one person can be very interesting to another person, so boredom is a curious and perplexing mood state and is not objective.

Boredom itself allows creativity to flow. However, modern society with all its gadgets has gotten really good at distracting us from this boredom.

In the right environment, boredom fuels creative people. Instead of staring at your phone, stare at the blank page. Instead of sitting in front of the TV, sit in front of the canvas.

  • Avoidance – many of us who are in a boring situation question how to get out of the situation. We don’t sit with our feelings; we often check our phones to avoid boredom.  
  • Resignation – endure boredom.
  • Boredom is often viewed as a lack of imagination and a loss of agency: “I’m so bored. There’s nothing to do.”
  • As a teacher, the podcaster usually gathered with other teachers to complain about administrators, students, parents, etc. and got bored with it. It was the same complaint culture every day. Eventually, he found other teachers who, instead of complaining, talked about books they were enjoying, hobbies they loved, or what went well in their teaching. These conversations were restorative.
  • Takeaways:
    • Boredom should not be trusted. We tend to trust boredom and make an implicit judgment about something or someone and it is often wrong. It is arrogant.
    • We need to protect our attention. A bored mind is looking to be distracted. If we are in an environment where we are easily distracted, boredom will get the better of us.
    • We need to talk about boredom. We all have strategies we employ and we need to talk about them. We can share them and give our attention to the things we love and the people we care about.
DIY Money – Where to Hold Your Emergency Fund
  • Don’t keep an emergency fund at a bank that doesn’t really give you any interest (most big banks don’t).
  • Look for a bank that will give you over 4% per year in interest. Many online banks and credit card companies offer high-yield savings accounts with great rates.
  • Keep 3-6 months of expenses in an emergency fund and a separate $1,000 of “fast cash” in an account that you can get immediately. Ex: for a car repair
  • Interest rates fluctuate, so you don’t need to keep searching for where you will get the highest yield once you already have found one.
Life Kit – Investing for beginners
  • You need to be invested in the stock market! Stocks have a much better return than bonds and other investments. It isn’t a good idea to buy individual stocks; it’s almost impossible, even for professionals, to pick individual stocks that outperform the overall market. 80-90% of mutual fund managers fail at this!
  • Don’t buy individual stocks. Buy the entire stock market using index funds.
  • Don’t buy a bunch of stocks when performance goes up and sell stocks as soon as performance is down. Losing money feels painful but selling your stock at the bottom locks in those losses. If you don’t sell, you can ride the rollercoaster back up when the market recovers.
  • Make sure you aren’t paying much in fees! Fees are not charged as a separate line item. For example, 2% seems like a small number to pay in fees, but 2% off of a 5-10% return is a huge chunk. A 2% fee could eat up to 40% of your investment returns, which has a huge impact on how quickly your money accumulates. Many people don’t even know what fees they are paying.
  • Taken together, you shouldn’t be paying more than 0.15% in annual fees in your mix of index funds and other investments.
  • Passively managed index funds are the way to go. Ex: S&P 500. Index funds are far better off than actively managed alternatives. Look for lw-cost broad based index funds.
  • Vanguard is different than all of the other investment firms because it is structured as a nonprofit. Vanguard offers a range of index funds with very low fees. You don’t need to have an actively managed portfolio.
  • Rebalance your investments at least once a year. Sell what has gone up in value and buy what has gone down in value. Make sure your portfolio is where you want it to be.
  • Obsessing doesn’t help and is likely to lead to interventions that would be counterproductive. It’s really easy to let our emotions take over and make mistakes.
  • Don’t pay someone else to pick stocks for you.
Psych2Go – 12 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship
  1. You communicate openly. A great relationship starts with transparency.
  2. You argue. Arguing is sometimes healthy in a relationship; otherwise, you are likely bottling up your feelings and letting them turn into resentment.
  3. You keep relationship details private. You don’t post your relationship problems on social media.
  4. You don’t hold grudges. Be sure to talk it out and learn to let go.
  5. You have realistic expectations. The perfect partner doesn’t exist. Healthy couples understand that the key to a long-lasting relationship is commitment, open communication, and compromise.
  6. You take time and space for yourself. You can have separate lives, interests, and friends and maintain your own sense of individuality outside of the relationship.
  7. You trust each other. You respect your partner’s decisions and feel secure.
  8. You enjoy spending time together. A healthy relationship means taking time out of your busy schedule to connect with your partner.
  9. You’re friends. Great couples share common interests, enjoy hanging out together, and making each other laugh.
  10. You make decisions together. Healthy relationships allow partners to have equal say. Compromise is key.
  11. You get intimate. Intimacy can mean different things. Show affection through love languages: gift giving, words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, etc.
  12. You make each other better. Fixing is not the same as supporting. You love each other for who you are.

I really enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/out-of-gas

Out Of Gas

March 5, 2024

When the car runs out of gas we don’t call the car broken. It just needs gas.

Same thing with us…when we’re out of gas we might feel broken but really we just need to be filled up.

The metaphor is easy to understand.

The hard part is knowing what fills you up and having the guts to make time for it.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – February 29, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Before Breakfast – Read a short book
  • If you are out of the habit of reading or feeling tired in general, read a short book. It can be just the thing to get you going.
  • Look for a short book to distract your mind from social media, boredom, sadness, etc.

I have been so busy and stressed with schoolwork this month and took nearly all month to read two books for fun. I decided to read a short book of poems as my third book to give myself a mental break, and I have ended the month reading four books. I think reading the short book gave me a mental break and momentum to read more.

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – This Therapy Strategy Will Help You Become the Person You Want to Be
  • Behave like the person you want to become.
  • If you change your behavior first, the feelings will follow. Changing your behavior can also change your thoughts because you train your brain to see yourself differently.
  • Want to feel happier? Ask if you are happy right now. Want to be more confident? Act as if you feel confident.
  • If you are battling depression, ask yourself what you might be doing differently today if you felt a bit better. Depression causes us to do things that reinforces depression, such as staying in bed. Anxiety causes us to avoid things that will ultimately help us solve a problem.
  • We do the things that reinforce how we are feeling. So when you feel angry, you’re more tempted to complain. When you feel anxious, you might pace back and forth and think about all of the things causing you to feel anxious.
  • Act as if you feel confident to help you feel confident. Pursue classes/learning/education to feel more confident about a topic. Confidence comes from facing your fears.
  • Act “as if.” When you feel low on energy, act as if you have energy. When you’re struggling with fear, act as if you feel brave. If you want to change your life, act like a mentally strong person. If you want more friends, act like a friendly person. Acting “as if” doesn’t mean you’re acting as a fake person; it just means you’re putting a certain aspect of your personality forward.
  • What kind of person do I want to be? What are some steps I could take right now to start acting more like that kind of person? How would it change my life?
  • How would I be acting right now if I felt better? Changing your behavior first shifts your emotions.
The Mel Robbins Podcast – 4 Easy Nighttime Habits to Feel Energized & Sleep Better
  • Pick your bedtime. What time do you need to be asleep if you wanted to get eight hours of sleep every night? In order to pick a bedtime, you need to know what time you truly need to wake up. Know how long your morning routine takes! Have a plan. What time do you really need to wake up in order to truly start your day on the right foot and do all the things you want/need to do in the morning?
  • The time you need to wake up is probably a half hour or hour earlier than you have been waking up. If you aren’t honest with yourself about what time you need to get up to give yourself the runway of time that you need, then before you have laid your head on the pillow tonight, you have already screwed up your morning routine.
  • Start by picking the time you need to wake up – the time you need to give yourself the runway, the time that would really allow you to do everything that you would like to do, and plan for eight hours of sleep to establish your bedtime. You need to be asleep for eight hours, so figure out how long it takes you to fall asleep and decide what time you need to get into bed to get eight hours of sleep!
  • If you don’t pick the right time to climb into bed, you will never actually be able to build a rock solid evening routine. Understanding what it takes to fall asleep and giving yourself that amount of time and building an evening routine that leads up to it is essential. Having a consistent bedtime and wakeup time will help you get better sleep and help you fall asleep faster. You will train your brain to be a better sleeper.
  • Clean up the mess so your morning is fresh. Empty the dishwasher/do the dishes, take out the trash if needed, clean up the counters, turn off the lights, clean up the things from today, and charge your phone/computer.
  • Once you’ve cleaned up the mess, take five minutes and set yourself up for the morning. If you’re going to exercise in the morning, lay out your clothes the night before. If you take supplements or vitamins in the morning, set them out the night before. If you’re bringing lunch to work, portion out your lunch. This eliminates decision fatigue and your morning routine will take less time.
  • Take five minutes for yourself. Before you give it to the television, social media, etc., give time to yourself. You can sit and be quiet, read a book, have a cup of tea, or do a skincare routine.
  • Tuck your phone in somewhere other than your bedside table or in your bed with you. It creates fragmented sleep, which impacts your ability to fall asleep and stay asleep. You are more likely to stay up later in bed on your phone if it is near you.
  • Be intentional. Pick your bedtime and be very serious about it. Experiment with it until you settle into a consistent bedtime and give yourself a runway for your morning routine.

I am still struggling with setting a consistent evening routine/bedtime and morning routine. I know what I want to accomplish each morning, but often end up snoozing or sleeping through alarms. This is something I am working on! This podcast was a great reminder.

Inside Out Money – Smash or Pass? Common Financial Rules

This podcast covered common financial rules and whether the podcasters agree or disagree with them. Here are some of the insights.

Recommended:

  • Hold 3-6 months of expenses in cash in an emergency fund. Some people recommend 6-12 months of expenses in a high-yield savings account.
  • Save and invest at least 15-20% of your income in a high-yield savings account or in stocks/bonds.
  • 24/10 rule for buying a vehicle. Put down at least 20%, limit the car loan to no more than 4 years to avoid excessive interest, and spend no more than 10% of your gross income on transportation costs (car payment, gas, insurance, maintenance). If you have to drag out your car loan longer than four years to be able to afford it, you probably can’t afford it. The loan may be longer than the life of the car to you.
  • Only buy a used car to minimize the depreciation. Caveat: Only buy a new car if you can afford to buy it outright (no financing).

Common financial rules the podcasters do not recommend following and why:

  • Some people say your asset allocation of your investments should be 100 minus your age to determine the percentage of your portfolio that should be in stocks versus bonds. For a 40-year-old: 100 – 40 = 60% in stocks, 40% in bonds. Reasoning: That seems too high for a percentage of bonds and is not risky enough for long-term gains.
  • 50/30/20 rule for budgeting after taxes= 50% necessities, 30% for “wants”, 20% for financial goals (saving for retirement and paying off debt). Reasoning: It depends on your income. Sometimes housing and bills take up more than 50%. Try to save 20% minimum.
  • Gross monthly income (before taxes) – debt for housing shouldn’t be more than 28%. Debt-to-income ratio – no more than 36% of your total income should be going toward debts (car payments, credit card debt, student loans, etc.) Reasoning: 36% seems too high for debts.
  • Spend 3x your income on a house. Reasoning: It is overly simplistic and doesn’t take many factors into account. It depends on what interest rates are, how much debt you have, what the cost of living is, how much you’re putting down, etc.
  • Always put 20% down. Reasoning: That would limit many people from buying a house. If your interest rate is lower than a high-yield savings rate or lower than your investment returns, no need to put down 20%.
  • Cars should cost 10% of your annual income. So, if you make $50k, your car should be worth no more than $5,000. Reasoning: You wouldn’t be able to buy much of a car in that price range.
  • You should own a car for at least 10 years. It’s a solid rule. Reasoning: It isn’t advantageous to keep buying cars, but it may not work for everyone. Your needs may change.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – February 22, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

The Unf*ck Your Fitness Podcast – 4 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Unrealistic Body Standards
  • Many women have an unrealistic standard for their body in the timeframe they want to achieve it. We aren’t aware of the timeframe it takes to get to that standard. Also, many people don’t want to give up the lifestyle they want to live to achieve that standard.
  • The standards we are holding our bodies to are incredibly toxic.
  • Are your standards too high? Are you wanting to see shredded abs, toned arms, and perfect legs? If so, why? Why do you want these things? What about these things will make you happier or better? You are enough the way you are.
  • Are you holding yourself to someone else’s standard? Your friend’s goals don’t need to be your goals. Your friend’s insecurities don’t need to be your insecurities. Hold yourself to your own standard. Holding yourself to someone else’s standard takes you away from your own goals.
  • Do you hold yourself to an unattainable standard? Many bodies photos and videos are edited and airbrushed and filtered, so you shouldn’t look at their bodies as a goal that is attainable. The workouts that influencers are posting about are often not the workouts they are doing to get the body they have. People wouldn’t watch the videos of their actual workouts because they aren’t as fun to watch or they wouldn’t want to watch all of them.
  • Are you holding yourself to an old standard of yourself? Ex: you think you need to be the same size or weight as you were at a certain point in your life. Your life can be drastically different now compared to then. It probably wouldn’t be good for you to get back to that place. As we age, our bodies should change. As we have children, our bodies are different, and that’s a good thing. Are you holding yourself to an old standard? Do you really want to go back to the mentality that came with that standard, or should you accept that you can have a healthier, better body with a better mindset?

Your body can change and you can actually be healthier, stronger, and more confident. You can feel better than you did before.

Talks at Google – Jason Derulo – Sing Your Name Out Loud: 15 Rules for Living Your Dream

This podcast covered tidbits from Jason Derulo’s book, “Sing Your Name Out Loud: 15 Rules for Living Your Dream.”

  • Jason Derulo reads the comments on his videos on social media and finds way to constructively apply them. Jason looks for any way to be better by choosing to pick apart comments and choosing what to change.
  • Even though Jason Derulo has gone independent and was able to get a platinum record as an independent artist, he still sees the value in having a team. Independent artists are not typically the most successful artists out there, although there are anomalies.
  • Jason wants readers to know that there’s so much joy within the journey. When people talk about hard work, they make it sound like a bad thing, but those struggles can be some of the best memories to look back on. Looking back at where you started and where you’ve come can be satisfying. Find something you are passionate about and find happiness within chasing that particular outcome. Just because it’s hard work doesn’t mean it’s not fun.
  • People love stories of someone rising. It’s never too late to change your path. Some people on TikTok are old and very popular.
Life Kit – How to be a ‘supercommunicator’
  • This podcast was based on the book “Supercommunicators” by Charles Duhigg.
  • When we really connect with someone in conversation, it’s reflected in our bodies and our brains. Eye pupils start to dilate at the same rate, breath patterns start to match each other, heart rates start to match each other, and brain waves start to look like each other.
  • Communication is connection. In order to really connect, aim to have a learning conversation. Aim to learn about other perspectives in a conversation. Practice looping for understanding. Ask someone a question, listen to what they say, repeat back in your own words what you heard them say, and ask them if you got it right. Usually, the other person doesn’t know if we are listening or if we are just waiting for our turn to speak. By taking these steps, you will both trust each other more.
  • Matching isn’t as simple as mimicking someone’s body language.
  • Every discussion is made up of multiple different kinds of conversations: practical (solving problems or making plans), emotional (sharing how you are feeling and wanting them to empathize or listen, not solve a problem), and social (how we see each other in the context of society). Understand what kind of conversation you are having with someone and try to match.
  • Ask deep questions – questions about values, beliefs, or experiences. Their answers will tell you what type of conversation to have with them (practical, emotional, or social).
  • Prepare for conversations. Write down three topics you think you could discuss with strangers. Oftentimes, those topics won’t come up, but you can increase your confidence by being aware of them.
  • Almost any question that asks “why?” helps people open up. We are inviting the other person to explain who they are.
  • Be authentic. Supercommunicators tend to ask more questions, laugh more, and be authentic. If you say something that indicates you are struggling with something, they authentically listen to you and might share about themselves or ask questions about that.
Self Improvement Daily – “Be here now.”

“In a world that is busier, more distracting, and trying to hijack our attention more than ever, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to be present. Rather than having a moment to ourselves waiting in a line, we compulsively check our emails. Rather than focusing on preparing our meal, we have a podcast or Youtube video on in the background.

But if we’re being honest, does constantly seeking stimulation and splitting our attention actually offer the quality we want in our lives?

There’s so much more dimension to the present moment than we allow ourselves to see. When we choose to be present, to be here now (and not off doing something else or with other thoughts in the back of our minds), we allow the moment to deliver everything it has to offer.”

This is something I am constantly working on. Some of my best moments of connection in friendships have been when we are without our phones or other distractions – when we forget about the time and all of the other things that could be competing for our attention. These moments are so rare in today’s society.

Take a moment to immerse yourself in the here and now and be present with what’s happening around you, or else you might be missing something magical.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!