My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Before Breakfast – Ask for the slideshow

When someone is happily telling you about something in their life, ask them to show you photos. They will be thrilled to do so, and you will learn more about them.
Ex: wedding, puppy, gardening, home renovations, vacation, etc.
It shows you are truly interested in them. You aren’t looking for an excuse to get away. The small talk may become more interesting, as pictures tend to nudge storytelling. It will make the person feel more valued and give you more insight into their life.

Chasing Life – The Big Business Behind Weight Loss Drugs

U.S. healthcare providers wrote more than 9 million prescriptions for Wegovy and other drugs used for weight loss, and that was in the last three months of 2022 alone! Demand has gone up since then and is expected to increase even further.
Some medications have resulted in 22% weight loss (22% of body weight); prior drugs resulted in a weight loss of 5-10% at the most!
Ozempic, Wegovy, Mounjaro, Zepbound – Zepbound came onto the market after Thanksgiving and is going faster than any of the previous drugs we’ve seen in this class.

Price is $900-$1,300/month for these drugs – many people are having problems getting insurance coverage for these weight loss drugs.
Medicare and Medicaid have a ban on coverage of weight loss drugs. There has been federal legislation introduced that is trying to change that.
Some people are turning to compounded versions of these drugs.

Late last year, the U.S. FDA had seized thousands of units of counterfeit Ozempic. The FDA is sending letters to online sellers warning them to stop selling these knockoffs.
These weight loss drugs are an expensive drug that people take for the rest of their lives – great for the pharmaceutical market
If you stop taking the drugs, you will probably regain the weight lost.
Some companies worry that those on these weight loss drugs will purchase less food since they aren’t eating as much, and companies will be impacted.

Companies are coming out with pills instead of weekly injections. Companies are also looking into the fact that you can have muscle wasting when you lose weight so fast, so some companies are working on trying to support your muscles as you lose all of the weight through combination drugs.
Stigma – people think others taking the drug are “cheating” and “should be doing the hard work” – they are taking medicines that doctors have prescribed to them because they think they could benefit from it. Some doctors have said that patients not taking the drugs are “choosing to stay the weight they are” because they aren’t taking the drugs.

The Jordan Harbinger Show – Kashmir Hill – Is Privacy Dead in the Age of Facial Recognition?

The Future of You – The Discussion: ‘Your Face Belongs to Us’ with Kashmir Hill

These podcasts were based on the book “Your Face Belongs to Us” by Kashmir Hill. I haven’t read the book, but I found these podcasts intriguing. In a nutshell, the author’s take is that our face belongs to lots of people who want to get good at tracking and identifying us.

Clearview AI went out and scraped billions of photos from the public web from social media sites and did it without anyone’s consent, and their database has 30 billion photos. You can upload a photo of someone you don’t know to Clearview’s app and it will pull up all of the photos of them that appear on the internet and will show you their name, social media profiles, etc.
Clearview limits use of its app to police and law enforcement agencies. Clearview made money off of their database by selling it to police departments and thousands of agencies around the world. Originally, they wanted to sell it to companies, grocery stores, hotels, and airports.
Clearview can show you headshots you know about, but can also show you Flickr photos, photos where you’re in the background of someone else’s photo, etc.

Casinos use facial recognition to keep out card counters.
Airports and airlines use facial recognition.
Facecheck.id – upload your face and see where else it appears on the internet.

Madison Square Garden installed facial recognition technology in 2018 for security threats. The owner, James Dolan, realized he could use the system to keep out his enemies, namely lawyers who work at law firms who have suits against him, who he doesn’t like because they cost him a lot of money. In the last year, they scraped lawyers’ photos from their firm’s websites and created a ban list of thousands of lawyers. When they try to get into a game or concert, they get turned away. An entire firm gets banned, not just the lawyer working on the case. They are banned until their firms drop the lawsuits against Madison Square Garden.

Some people say it’s illegal because they didn’t obtain consent from the people included in the database. They claim they are just “Google for faces” – they are taking public photos that are on the internet and organizing them by face and making them easier to find. They take public and private information and make it easier to sort through.
We love to post faces and tag people online on social media. We are essentially handing over a bunch of information that helps companies make their facial recognition technology better.
More people are posting privately on social media now. People who have posted publicly have had photos come back to haunt them, have given people access to photos and information they didn’t want them to have access to, and have been included in databases they didn’t consent to.

Regulations:

European Privacy Law – you can go to Clearview AI and give them your face and ID and request that they remove you from their database. The drawback is that keeping you out of the database requires them to keep your face to create a “block list” so that your photos don’t surface.

Illinois has a law where you can’t use people’s voiceprint, faceprint, or fingerprints without their consent. Many states don’t have laws like this.
There are so many questions raised with facial recognition and voiceprints and a lack of regulations. We are relying on the benevolence of technology companies and hoping that they make good decisions.
We can pass laws and regulations about the use of facial recognition.

How far is too far?

Facial recognition ends anonymity as we know it. Police using it within reason can be a good thing. Companies using it to keep out shoplifters can be a good thing. Maybe we don’t want companies using it to discriminate people based on where they work or because they are a government official or investigative journalist.
How far will this go? Could stores use facial recognition to discriminate against those who have left a bad review previously, who support a different political party? etc.
Russia uses facial recognition technology to identify protestors there against the war in Ukraine and gives them tickets for unlawful assembly for gathering to protest the war. China has used facial recognition technology to target people who look like Muslims entering businesses. A public restroom in Beijing kept people from stealing toilet paper by requiring them to look at a facial recognition camera, gave them a certain amount of toilet paper, and they couldn’t get more for several minutes!

https://passionplanner.com/blogs/content/self-love-affirmations

With Valentine’s Day this week, I enjoyed reading these self-love affirmations, even though I have a loving husband. Here are some of my favorites.

Self-Love:

I am proud of who I am.
The beauty of the world is reflected in me.
I am enough.
I will speak my own Love Language to myself.

Confidence:

What I have to say is worthy of being heard.
I am capable of great things.
I am exactly who I am supposed to be at this moment in time.

Anxiety:

I will survive this moment, as I have survived them all before.
I trust the process.

Success:

I trust the timing of my journey.
I define my own version of success.
I am qualified and exceptional.

Health:

I trust my body to know what it needs.
I know my body best.
I deserve rest.

Healing:

I grow through all that I go through.
I am the writer of my own story.
I am grateful for who I am becoming.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – February 8, 2024

February 8, 2024February 8, 2024 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Life Kit – 5 simple ways to minimize stress

Set a MOST goal:
- Motivating
- Objective and measurable
- Small
- Timely- something you can accomplish in months.
Is there something you can look forward to when you make that change and are feeling less overwhelmed? What matters to you most?
Small changes: pack lunch the night before, take a walk during lunch, etc.

Change your relationship with technology. On average, people spend more than four hours on their phone each day! Many people scroll on their phones as soon as they wake up.
Popcorn brain – the urge to constantly bounce from task to task while we are online
The pace of life offline is much slower than the online one and needs more time and attention. Set boundaries with your phone. Limit scrolling to twenty minutes per day, disable push notifications, and resist the urge to grab your phone by keeping your phone a distance away.

Tap into your mind/body connection to lower stress. Your mind and your body are in constant communication and are linked. Do regular deep breathing exercises. Stop, breathe, and be. Daily movement can help your brain and body. Not enough movement/no movement is bad for the brain and body. Find ways to sit less and move more.
Do tasks one at a time and take regular work breaks. Time block.
Quiet your inner critic. Your inner critic has a megaphone during periods of stress. Practice daily gratitude journaling. Work on cognitive reframing.

The Unf*ck Your Fitness Podcast – 6 Fitness Habits That Are Holding You Back

Overtraining – unless you are training for a bodybuilding/physique competition or a certain race or event, you do not need to be training more than five days each week. Working out too much can go against your body.
Undertraining – if you don’t have a specific plan or goal in mind, you may be undertraining. Aim to hit each muscle group 1 or 2 times per week.

Cardio – cardio is not bad. You will not tone your entire body by doing cardio. Cardio can lead to being worried about calories burned.

Worrying about calories burned – if you’re worried about the calories burned, you will do more cardio. You need to do strength training. The amount of calories you burn in a workout has nothing to do with the effectiveness of a workout.
Being afraid of lifting weights – you will not look manly or bulky. Start out slowly. Add in three days of weightlifting. The only way you can build muscle consistently and have the body you want is to apply progressive overload and make it harder for your muscles to work. Increase the difficulty of your workouts by increasing weights, increasing reps, or decreasing your rest time. Your last rep should be difficult.
Not resting – if you are not taking rest days, you will not see results. The only time your muscles can grow is when you are at rest. Your muscles grow as they repair themselves and build when you are resting. You can do yoga, stretch, or go for a walk on rest days. Give yourself rest from lifting weights.

Self Improvement Daily – The Communication Model

“The communication model breaks down the content of our statements into 4 categories: Facts, opinions, feelings, and wants. The idea is that when you directly address all 4 of these things in communication, it makes your message clear and fully understood.

First are the facts. This is what actually happened with no emotional connection, and no assumptions. You know something is a fact when it’s impossible to disagree with. When you start by stating the facts, it creates a neutral ground and firm foundation.

Next comes opinions. This is when you state your perspective or frame of reference. This is an elaboration on the facts and how you’re interpreting it. Note that your interpretation is not factual itself; it’s simply your biased judgment of the facts. When you express your opinions with that level of awareness, people are more likely to listen and see where you’re coming from.

Then we get to feelings. This is the specific emotion that your opinion, interpretation, or judgment caused within you. When you communicate how you’re feeling about everything, it removes any blame or fault. This reduces the threat and allows people into your world so that they know how you have been impacted.

And last, we get to ‘wants’. This is your opportunity to talk about what you’d like to happen next. When teed up correctly, your ‘wants’ don’t come off as so selfish because you’ve explained the context, and your request is more reasonable.

In a practical example, this is how a manager might speak to an employee:

Fact – The deadline was yesterday and I did not receive the completed project

Opinion – To me this means that either you have too much on your plate, or you’re not being efficient with your work

Feelings – This makes me worried because we have a lot riding on servicing this client

Wants – In the future, I want you to meet your deadlines but if you know you’re going to miss it, give me 24 hours’ notice so that I can plan accordingly.

Doesn’t that feel effective, fair, and solution oriented? The next time you find yourself miscommunicating with someone else, take a step back and make sure all 4 elements of the communications model are being addressed! It will make things clear, smooth, and understandable.”

How I Built This with Guy Raz – Liquid Death: Mike Cessario

There are over 80 brands of bottled water in the United States.
Mike Cessario had no experience in water, but he had almost two decades of experience in advertising. He knew that if he tried something totally outlandish, it might just work. Seven years later, Liquid Death sells more than $100 million of water each year.
Liquid Death is water in a tall aluminum can that looks like an energy drink.
Before Liquid Death was an actual product, it was just an ad on social media that was used as a test.

Mike attended the Warped Tour and hung out with bands who were seemingly drinking cans of Monster energy drinks, but in small font, the cans were labeled “tour water.” Since Monster was their sponsor, they created water for the bands that looked just like their product they wanted to promote.
Mike’s goal was to create a water brand that looks like an energy drink and it was all about making fun of the fact that this is what people actually drink (such as at Warped Tour).
The original idea for a tallboy can was that it looks like something like a beer or energy drink that feels fun, but what’s inside is really good for you.
Mike also wanted a can because aluminum is a better alternative to plastic.

Bottled water is typically bottled at the source. It was challenging to find a manufacturer for his canned water.
No money for marketing – wanted to create something people would naturally share on social media – wanted to come up with the dumbest or craziest idea – Liquid Death was an odd name people would be drawn to and want to share.
Mike chose a German black letter font that was used on beer cans.

Mike started an Indiegogo fundraiser trying to raise $150k featuring a video of a woman pouring out Liquid Death – trying to position water as extreme and causing death – kills surfers, avalanches, etc. The Indiegogo was not successful and only raised $1,500. After that, Mike made posts on social media over the course of four months and the video had almost 3 million views and the page had about 60k followers, despite not having any product to sell!
The ad campaign was started before he had a product! In 2018, he had a Facebook page with several followers, a video with millions of views, a 7-11 franchisee from Michigan wanting it in his three stores, and the biggest non-alcoholic distributor in New York wanting to talk to a sales rep about the product.

Many people told Mike his product was impossible in the United States. Mike found a place in Austria that had canning capabilities, but he still needed the capital.
Mike says the branding is more important to him than the taste. People buy things that have the same functionality as other items, but are loyal to a brand and are willing to pay more for it. Mike said the source mattered to people, but that’s enough to make people feel that it’s a premium product.
Some people find the brand appealing and want to try it instead of trying an energy drink or a different brand of water.

Mike wanted to use Amazon to ship and fulfill the product. Amazon charges you a fee for every case that they ship and fulfill, so he had to charge $20 for a 12 pack in the beginning to make any money because the shipping costs were so expensive.
Amazon was originally selling a 12-pack for $20 due to shipping, but then Whole Foods sold it for $14.99 for a 12-pack since shipping wasn’t required.

Spring of 2021 – container ship blocked the Suez canal and started a chain reaction of ocean freight costs increasing by 5x. Mid-way through 2022, it went up again. They decided to move to co-packing in the United States in western Virginia.
By 2021, Mike raised a series-C with over a 500 million dollar valuation!

In 2021, Liquid Death did $45 million in gross revenue, which is small for a beverage company.
Smart Water (plastic bottles of municipal tap water) sells over $1 billion each year.
Coca Cola, the biggest company in the world with all of the resources and shelf space, tried to take share in the energy company by creating Coke Energy. The experiment lasted two years and was a massive failure, and it shows that giant companies are bad at creating brands.
If the brand was only about water in aluminum cans, Coca Cola could make the product much cheaper. That’s why Liquid Death has always led with the brand and what they can own first: funny, irreverent brand making people laugh, murder your thirst… forget the plastic was always the second focus, as they knew they couldn’t own aluminum cans as a brand.

2024- predicting well over $100 million in revenue this year
What makes this brand sustainable in the long run? What makes it have staying power? Internet and technology makes it so that brands don’t often last 50 years. In five years, you could be a brand doing billions of dollars in sales.
Mike says luck was involved in his success, but his previous experiences helped him make the right decisions. He says the brand is a true reflection of himself.

I haven’t tried Liquid Death yet, but it was fascinating learning about the brand!

I really enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/scary-thoughts

Scary Thoughts

February 6, 2024

So far you’ve survived every scary thought you’ve ever had.

That’s a pretty good track record.

Let that inform you the next time the thoughts come back.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

January 2024 Reads

February 5, 2024 amybenoit

I read five books in January 2024. I have been reading less for my personal pleasure due to starting a post-graduate paralegal certificate program and spending most of my time reading textbooks. Here is a brief synopsis of the five books I read in January 2024, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.

“101 Things I Learned in Advertising School” was written by Tracy Arrington with Matthew Frederick. It was an interesting, quick, and easy read, and I learned a lot! Here are a few takeaways:

It’s all advertising until it lands in the cart: public ads, location, packaging, etc.

Don’t buy media if you can earn it through exposure such as news coverage, editorials, and social media buzz.

You won’t have a healthy relationship if you do all the talking. In the digital environment, if consumers don’t like what they hear and don’t feel they are being listened to, they can and will go elsewhere – maybe even to the media outlets.

“The Book You Want Everyone You Love To Read: Sane and Sage Advice to Help You Navigate All of Your Most Important Relationships” was written by Philippa Perry, an author, psychotherapist, artist, TV and radio presenter, and advice columinist for The Guardian. This book will change your life.

It covers the importance of relationships and the difficulties that come with them, and you will get into the habit of practicing new ways of behaving and communicating. I took away so much from this book and will share more about it on my blog sometime.

It is so much easier to blame something outside ourselves for our discontent than it is to look inwardly for a cause.

Recognize when you are playing the martyr and stop. If you allow yourself to be dragged down by someone else, you will resent them for it. Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.

“Internal Medicine: A Doctor’s Stories” was written by Terrence Holt and detailed what it’s like to be a doctor. It was fascinating at times and I gained some medical knowledge and a better understanding of the process of my grandpa’s heart and kidney failure that led to his death.

“Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI” was written by David Grann and detailed the atrocities the Osage Indian Nation experienced. This book detailed the allotment, the policy to break up American Indians’ communal ownership of land in Oklahoma, and the Indians kept the subsurface mineral rights to the land. Within several years, large deposits of oil were discovered directly under their lands, and the Osage were given a headright, which was a share in the mineral trust. A headright could not be bought or sold; it could only be inherited. This resulted in calculated and cruel murders, betrayals, and coverups.

“Good Talk: A Memoir in Conversations” was a unique graphic memoir written by Mira Jacobs. This book covered Mira’s journey as a first-generation American and delved into difficult conversations that she had with her young son and husband about race, love, and family. Mira detailed several times she didn’t fit in because of the color of her skin – from receiving a bottle of Fair & Lovely as a gift from her grandmother, to navigating the job search as a colored person, to being mistaken as “the help”, to being told by a waitress that other customers didn’t feel “safe” near her. She was often torn about whether to say something or whether to stay silent about the treatment she faced. These two photos resonated with me.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – February 1, 2024

February 1, 2024 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Juice & Toya Podcast – The Power of a Healthy Routine

Make movement part of your lifestyle, even on days when you’re busy. Have some type of structure. Make certain things a priority in your day that are non-negotiable and build that structure into your day.
- Ex: my fitness routine in January 2024 for my health:
  - Walk every day (one Ifit workout) – mornings when working from home, evenings when in the office.
  - 10 minutes abs or glutes each day.
  - Lift weights Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays – Tuesdays/Thursdays during part of lunch when working from home

Nutrition: meal plan and prep. Have designated mealtimes.
Create structure around a goal. Make parts of your routine goal oriented.
Use some Juice & Toya workouts from YouTube. They also have challenges on YouTube.
Your nutrition is far more important than your workouts!!
Every day is a chance to grow.

The Unf*uck Your Fitness Podcast – 6 Steps to Starting A Successful Fitness Journey

These are pieces of advice from the podcaster, Kristy Castillo, not me:

Track your food for two full weeks, eating exactly what you are eating without making any changes. Then you will know what you need to change.
If your goal is weight loss, put yourself in a deficit of 200 calories. If your goal is body re-composition, stay at your average amount of calories, but increase your protein. 1 gram of protein per pound of your goal body weight – fill out the rest of those calories with fats and carbs

Some sources suggest 1 gram of protein per pound of your goal body weight is too much. Here is a different recommendation:

Start lifting weights four days a week. Hit 8,000 to 10,000 steps per day.
Start supplementing with protein shakes, protein bars, collagen, reds, and greens.
Get better/more sleep. Establish a wind down routine to get better/more sleep. Manage stress. Start going to therapy.
Start saying no to anything you don’t have time for. It’s okay to not say yes to everything.

The Unf*uck Your Fitness Podcast – 11 Truths You Need to Know About Fitness and Life

Here are the tips that most resonated with me:

You need carbs. Carbs are energy for your body, and the longer you restrict carbs from your diet, the longer your body will have to use stored body fat to compensate for the lack of carbs. The sooner you start to eat carbs, the sooner your body will feel better and shed body fat.

You need rest. Your muscles only grow when you’re resting.

If you don’t have much weight to lose and you want to tone up, you need to stop doing cardio.

I personally still do cardio since I sit all day…

You will need to say no to things that don’t align with you sooner rather than later: people, celebrations, food, parties, etc. The sooner you can figure out that you can say no to anything, the better off you’ll be.

Your fitness journey is a lifestyle. You can start with a 6-week program, but if you’re only starting with a 6-week mindset, you’re going to fail. Your fitness is a part of your life, becomes who you are, and is part of your journey. You have to make fitness a part of your lifestyle.

NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – Saving Money with Credit Card Rewards Points: Travel, Cash Back, and More

The amount of points you will need for a trip can fluctuate. It is important to check in on your points several times each year.
Delta changed the requirements to earn elite status in future years and put limits on some of the benefits credit card holders can use, such as airport lounge access. Alaska Airlines made changes to its award chart, which determines the number of miles you’ll need to pay for a ticket. The lesson is that you should never have all of your eggs in one basket. Having only one credit card that earns points for one brand really limits your options, as travel loyalty programs change or get devalued often with little or no notice.
Carrying a co-branded airline or hotel credit card can be really beneficial for certain perks, such as free checked bags or free travel companions. It is recommended to lean more toward flexible rewards credit cards that often earn more rewards on everyday purchases.

Flexible rewards credit cards often have their own travel points, such as Chase Ultimate Rewards, Citi Thank You points, etc. They can be used to book all kinds of travel, not just a Delta flight or an Alaska flight. Many providers allow you to transfer those points to certain hotel and airline providers.
There are still good bonus options for new card holders. Welcome bonuses are an important part of the travel credit card strategy for many people.
If you use Chase Ultimate Rewards at Amazon to check out, they’re worth 0.8 cents each. Those same points can be worth up to 1.5 cents each when you use them to book travel through Chase or even more than 1.5 cents each if you transfer them to travel partners.

Recommendation: seek a card where you will earn flexible points. Don’t get scared off by credit card annual fees. The rewards and the perks can far outweigh the fee itself – if you use the perks! Upon annual review, if you don’t use the perks anymore, reconsider having the card.
Every year, make sure each card you use still makes sense for you in terms of the annual fee (if applicable), and the perks. Don’t just open cards willy nilly without a plan. Keep a spreadsheet of the perks and conditions of each card you have. Make sure you can meet the minimum spending requirements when you do open a new credit card to get the welcome bonus. Have a plan to meet those spending requirements without spending more money than you intend to or would otherwise.
Some cards have bonus categories. That’s why it is not wise to use a travel card for all purchases. To ramp up your points, have one card for groceries, one for restaurants, etc. if possible – depending on the bonus categories. Different cards are better for different categories.

If the largest part of your spending is at grocery stores, find a credit card that offers the most points at grocery stores and a different card for the rest of your purchases.
The interest that you’ll pay on balances that aren’t paid in full every month will far outweigh any rewards that you will earn.
Cash – if you have to pay a surcharge to use a credit card, the surcharge you’ll pay usually outweighs the rewards you will earn.
Credit Card Competition Act – proposed legislation that can impact the points you earn from using credit cards.

Lift Kit – Improve your indoor air quality

When thinking about air quality, consider the pollution that is coming from inside your house: cooking, cleaning, home improvement projects, etc. Ventilate! Open the windows and turn on a fan that vents outside.
Gas stoves burn fossil fuel inside your house. Nitrogen dioxide is present when using a gas stove, which can cause respiratory issues.
Ventilate when you burn things like incense or when you use cleaners. Check the quality of the air outside as well before ventilating.

Keep your house as dust-free as possible. Dust is made up of fibers, hair, dead skin cells, and chemicals. Take off your shoes at the door of your house so that you aren’t bringing chemicals, dirt, and pollutants from outside into your space.
Dust your home regularly. Avoid dry dusting. Use a damp cloth.

Get a good vacuum with a HEPA (high efficiency particulate air) filter, which can remove 99.97% of dust, pollen, mold, bacteria, and many other airborne particles.
When you’re cleaning, open a window. Think about what cleaning materials you are using and any potential health risks associated with them.

Look for mold growing in your bathroom and on surfaces like drywall, dust, etc. Mold releases spores into the air that can cause allergic reactions or trigger allergy symptoms. Figure out where the moisture is coming from and where water damage came from before you make repairs. If you do the cleanup yourself, put on some rubber gloves, goggles, and an N95 mask. If the mold is on a hard surface, scrub it down with dish soap and water, not bleach!
Prevent mold in the future by keeping your house as dry as possible. Think carefully before you get a humidifier. Condensation can start creating mold problems.

Get an air cleaner or make one. Air cleaners filter the air in your home using a HEPA filter. Pay attention to the clean air delivery rate.
Air sensors can measure the levels of pollutants in your home: fine particles, ozone, carbon dioxide, and nitrogen dioxide. If you buy a sensor, use it to get smarter about what you do at home and when you need to ventilate.

Consider radon testing. Radon seeps into our homes through cracks in the floor or walls or gaps around pipes. It is the second leading cause of lung cancer in the United States, aside from cigarette smoking. You can get an at-home radon test kit. If your radon levels are higher than recommended, you should hire a contractor to fix your home, as it requires technical knowledge and special skills.

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/question-of-attention

I really liked this blog post from Gabe the bass player this week:

Question Of Attention

January 31, 2024

We spend a lot of time paying attention. Scrolling, clicking, listening, reading, watching.

So it’s worth asking…what do you want to pay attention to?

Our time, action and attention are too valuable to not consider our answer.

»» Keep in mind…the list of things we care about is very long but the list of things we care FOR is very short.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – January 25, 2024

January 25, 2024 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Before Breakfast – Bill your time for a week

Try acting like a lawyer for one week by tracking your time and billing it to different projects. The experience will give you some ideas of how to best spend your waking hours.
You will see how many hours you actually work if you have a salary job.
You can even track your workday and track how many hours you spend in meetings, responding to e-mails, etc.
Time tracking is data that can show you the truth of where your time is going so that you can make more rational choices about how you want to spend your time.

I selected a 2024 planner that allows me to timeblock, and it has been interesting! Almost all of my time, aside from work, sleep, eating, and working out, has been spent on classes and schoolwork.

Focus on Marriage Podcast – Maintaining Joy When Your Plate is Full

Continually communicate with your partner about what the high and low of your day was. Continuously find joy and humor.
Watch a funny video short together and laugh.
This podcast recommended this book. I haven’t read it yet.

On Purpose with Jay Shetty – The 5 Relationships You Need to Invest in to Supercharge Your 2024

Belonging – we need to feel a sense of connectedness to others and feel we are part of a group or community.
- Feeling part of a group creates inner harmony and balance, better mental and physical health, and fewer negative emotions.
- We need to be able to share our thoughts and heart without worrying we will be judged.

Legacy – feeling connected to something bigger – finding people dedicated to creating change, inspiring people, and helping others – celebrating growth, exchanging ideas, and creating new friends
- Jay Shetty had a dinner party with several people he didn’t know well and asked them a few questions: What has been your biggest personal or professional win of 2023? What has been your biggest challenge, personally or professionally, in 2023? How can the people at this table help you/what support can they offer you?
Each person personally shared their flaws, roadblocks, and challenges and there was so much trust in the room. Who in your life would you want to spent more time with because you want to share their same legacy? Are these people inspiring you by the way they live? Have they dedicated their life and work to helping people physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually?

Independence – relationship with ourselves – autonomy and personal usefulness
- Sense of feeling you have value – Reflect on what you are doing and who you are becoming. Who you want to become is the most important question you will ever answer. Take action to become that person. Who do you want to become? Who are you becoming? What is that independent autonomous path that you are building and trying to take because you know that that will lead to your higher self? What is the independent desire for who you want to become?
- We only become things that we don’t want because we aren’t sharing the deepest parts of ourselves. If you don’t share who you are, people will expect you to be who they want you to be.

Safety – people who bring security and stability into our lives – people we feel the deepest and safest with
- People who feel trusted become more trustworthy as a result of increased oxytocin levels in their brains.

Service – relationships based on surrender and service
- Who are we serving? Who are we taking care of? Jay Shetty recommends you spend 20% of your time with people who are guiding you, 60% of your time with people who are peers with you who you feel uplifted by/people you uplift, and 20% of your time with people you are serving and giving to – be a teacher and student at the same time to create humility and proactivity.

Self Improvement Daily – Slipping Back to How Things Used to Be

One of the most difficult parts of self-improvement is sustaining the positive changes you’ve introduced into your life. It’s easier to get motivated to start than it is to stay consistent and maintain your desired habits and routines.

Here are a few things to have in place that will support you in actually keeping the good habits you’ve worked hard for:

Have awareness of the slip – have pieces in place that make you aware of if you’re meeting certain expectations in your life. I highly recommend using a habit tracker for a visual record of your consistency.

Clarity – If you’re not crystal clear on what your standards are, then it’s impossible to know if things are slipping. For example, if you say you want to work out more, set a specific standard to provide clarity and measure your consistency, such as “I want to work out for 30 or more minutes five times each week.” Use a habit tracker to make it easy to notice when you’re starting to slip. The clarity gives meaning to the awareness.

System for reviewing your performance – have the resources in place to hold yourself accountable to reaching a higher standard. If you’re not intentional about paying attention to the things that are focuses for you, they’re naturally going to gravitate toward their comfort zone. Again, I recommend using a habit tracker.

You can find several free habit trackers here: https://www.saturdaygift.com/habit-tracker-printable/

Terrible, Thanks for Asking – “Why are drug dealers putting fentanyl in everything?” from Search Engine

Fentanyl reportedly kills more adults under the age of 45 than guns, COVID-19, or cancer.
The Belgian doctor who invented fentanyl invented over 100 medicines. He was trying to find something that was better than morphine for hospital procedures, such as open-heart surgery. Fentanyl comes on faster and goes away faster, doesn’t cause nausea, and is basically the best hospital drug.
The DEA estimated that only 700 people died of fentanyl overdose in 2014. According to NIH, in 2016, almost 20,000 people died from synthetic opioid overdoses, most of that fentanyl.

Fentanyl is much cheaper than heroin because it’s synthetic and made in a lab. It’s also more potent, making it incredibly profitable. It is incredibly addictive.
Much of the supply was being produced in China, where it was quasi-legal. The Chinese government was slow to ban analogs of the drug, so manufacturers used slight tweaks to the recipe that added a molecule here or there but left the basic chemical structure intact.
When pain prescriptions run out, some people seek out illicit heroin on the street. There isn’t enough heroin to feed the demand, so fentanyl steps in to fill the void.

Mexican dealers ship fentanyl to places like San Diego, El Paso, etc. It is distributed by regional gangs.
Fentanyl is cheaper, but it doesn’t last very long. The fentanyl high is reported to only last up to a few hours (sometimes only 15 minutes), leaving people scrambling to find more.
Fentanyl offers a shorter high, a greater addiction potential, and a higher risk of overdose than heroin.

Some deaths from overdoses can be helpful for fentanyl dealers because people believe they need to try it; some say it’s a form of advertisement for how powerful the drug is and they want to try it.
Resources: Dansafe.org to buy fentanyl test strips, drugsdata.org to see what is in drug supplies
Suboxone is a blocker to prevent you from getting the high from heroin. Suboxone doesn’t block the high from fentanyl.

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – The Minimalists: Why You Should Declutter Your Life

Do you own too much stuff? Is your calendar overflowing with so much stuff that it causes you stress? Are you stressed out by how much you have to do all the time? This episode is for you.
More is not always better. Clutter increases stress and increases the risk of mental health problems, financial problems, time management troubles, and social problems.
Living in a small space makes you think twice about what you really need.
How much is enough will vary depending on your age and life changes. Just because something added value to your life before doesn’t mean it will continue to produce that same amount of value. You don’t need to hold onto items just because they are sentimental.

There are three categories that all of your possessions can fit into: essential, non-essential, or junk.
Most of the things we’re holding onto that we don’t want to let go of, we’re holding onto “just in case” or for “someday.” The problem is that we hold onto many of these items that take up space in our homes and in our lives. Let go.
Our memories are not in our things. Our memories are inside us. If we let go of some sentimental things, we aren’t letting go of the memories. You can take photos that trigger the memories, but you don’t need to hold onto things you won’t get value from. Instead, you can give them away and add value to someone else’s life.
There is more grief involved in holding onto something than in letting that dream die.

Spontaneous combustion rule: what would happen if that thing spontaneously combusted? Would you replace it or would you feel a sense of relief?
You can donate items or try to sell them. Some people try to sell anything they can get $20 for and donate after one week if it doesn’t sell.
Physical clutter, hidden clutter (calendar clutter/business) – “if something is not an emphatic yes, say no.”
Resources: 30-day minimalism game (1 item day one, 2 items day 2,… 30 items day 30), theminimalists.com
Ask yourself what value something brings into your life. Sometimes we hold onto things just because they were given to us as a gift even though they don’t really add value to our lives or because we paid a lot for it. Get rid of things that aren’t improving your life.
Use the spontaneous combustion rule.
Create a challenge to start subtracting things from your life.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – January 18, 2024

January 18, 2024 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Psych2Go – 11 Things You Should Say “NO” To

Toxic people – toxicity breeds negativity
People who make you feel unsafe –you have the right to feel safe and not on edge
People who disregard your emotional wellbeing and feelings –you deserve to have the freedom to express your feelings
Situations that make you feel unwanted –you are worthy
Negative self-talk –be reflective rather than critical
Comparing yourself to other people –everyone is different and unique, and everyone has their own flaws, abilities, and strengths
Bad partners –you have no obligation to stay in a relationship
Resisting growth and healing –you are your own masterpiece, and you can own every aspect of who you are
Needless waiting –you can’t recover your wasted time.
Letting other people’s opinions determining your worth –people will always have an opinion of you. Opinions are not facts.
Shrinking yourself to fit in –you’re missing out on the opportunities to grow and reach your greatest potential

Say no to the things that aren’t serving you so that you’ll be saying yes to a clear mind and happier life surrounded by more love and light.

Optimal Relationships Daily – Learning Better Marriage Communication Tools

Take more couple time alone – uninterrupted time for just the two of you.
Manage your own irritability and stress. Take care of your health and get adequate sleep.
Use your everyday life to reduce stress. Tune in as your partner talks about their day:
- frustrations and irritations
- the things they are proud of
- the unpredictable events or people in our lives

Couples learn, over time:
- They learned the cast of characters in each other’s lives.
- They learned more about the worries and pressures each faced.
- They offered no advice, criticism, solutions, or suggestions.
- Instead, they offered a supportive listening ear, true friendship and empathy, and support and validation.

Ask for an ally, not a problem-solver.
Use touch to effectively communicate. Actions speak louder than words. Show you care.
Tune in to dreams, hopes, and aspirations. As you learn your partner’s dreams, hopes, and aspirations, both of you will feel more connected.

Life Kit – Popular myths about sleep, debunked

Myth: it doesn’t matter what time of day you sleep.
- Truth: It does matter. Your circadian rhythm is influenced by natural sunlight in your environment. We need to get exposure to natural sunlight. Blackout curtains and wearing sunglasses on the way home in the morning (shift work) can help your circadian rhythm if you are a shift worker.
Myth: Being able to fall asleep any time, anywhere, is a good thing.
- Truth: It takes a well-rested, healthy person 15-20 minutes or longer to fall asleep. Being able to fall asleep right away generally means you aren’t getting enough sleep.

Myth: One night of sleep deprivation will have lasting negative effects.
- Truth: One night of sleep deprivation can happen from time to time and is normal. Try to get back on track as fast as possible.
Myth: Many adults only need 5 hours of sleep or less per night for general health.
- Truth: Not getting enough sleep can result in compensatory naps. Sleeping for 7-9 hours each night is best for optimal health and well-being – improved heart health, longevity, brain health, etc.

The best way to get into the recommended range is to start adding 15 minutes to your overall sleep routine and add more sleep time as needed until you wake up feeling refreshed and have energy through the day without reaching for coffee or energy drinks.
Watching tv is not recommended before bed. Reduce screen time.
Make sure your bedroom is under 70 degrees when sleeping. Increasing temperatures results in more nightmares and more tossing and turning.

Myth: Exercising within four hours of bedtime will disturb your sleep.
- Truth: Data does not back this up. Exercising can result in better sleep. Exercise releases endorphins, which are mood elevators and can help with the number one cause of sleep difficulties, which is stress.

https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5saWJzeW4uY29tLzEyNzUzOC9yc3M/episode/YTdhZmEwMmQtN2RkYS00OTM2LWI4OTYtYzJhYWQ3Y2Q0ZmM0?sa=X&ved=0CAUQkfYCahcKEwiQkJmwsOeDAxUAAAAAHQAAAAAQAQ

Talks at Google – Shelmina Babai Abji – 8 Strategies for Women to Emerge as Leaders at Work

What value am I going to create? What is it that I would know that they don’t already know? Speak up. You have ideas that matter.
Scan your mental chatter and intentionally pick a response that will allow you to show your worth. You are hired for one reason: the value you create towards the success of your organization.

Intentionally seek assignments that push you out of your comfort zone, that challenge your current competence, and that build new competence. The more competence built, the higher the value you create for your organization. The best way to build more competence is to step outside your comfort zone.
Listen and learn. When you step outside your comfort zone, if you’re not stumbling, you’re not pushing yourself hard enough. You’re learning as you’re stumbling.
Look back at who you were before you learned so much. Look at how far you’ve grown.

Who knows you? How are you known? The conversation about people that people are having in the room while they aren’t present is determining their career projection. The way people talk about you when you aren’t in the room is your personal branding.
Panel interviews – the person who gets the job depends on who around the table advocates for them. Find “sponsors” who will advocate for you.

Create a personal success plan. Every week, set aside time to reflect on what you’ve learned and what successes you’ve had in the last week.
Surround yourself with people who are celebrating you, or you become your own cheerleader. Don’t wait for anyone. Recognize that you have worked so hard to be where you are and achieve what you’re doing.

Focus on what you can control. Do not expend your time and energy on what you can’t control. Uncertainty is always going to be there.
You have limited energy and limited attention, and you get to decide where you’re going to allocate your energy and attention. Always be asking: Is this worthy of my attention? Should I be doing this task? Will it move me closer to my definition of success? Will it contribute toward the success of my organization? If not, learn to say no. Structure your days around your highest priorities.
Saying no can show people that you respect your attention, time, and energy. When you respect yourself, others will respect you.

When you go into a meeting, set intentions. If you don’t set intentions, you will be driven by someone else. When you become intentional, you will not let their behavior drive your behavior. Behave in alignment with the brand you want for yourself. Show up as a leader no matter what. If you show up as a leader when the conversation is highly emotionally charged, people will remember that.

Be very intentional about who you seek advice from. If you have a mentor who is not challenging you, who is not contributing to your growth, or who does not have the capacity to advise you to move forward, you are blocking your success. Have multiple people you seek advice from and seek “sponsors” who support and advocate for you.

**Note that this podcast did not actually cover the eight strategies expanded upon in her book.**

Self Improvement Daily – Defeating Perfectionism

Perfectionism is an avoidance tactic and a form of self-sabotage. Perfectionism can lead to indecision, the limiting belief that you aren’t good enough, and never accepting something as finished. In order to overcome perfectionism, you need to take imperfect action and overcome self-sabotage to become that next, better version of yourself. That can only happen through taking action.

I have reflected on this quite a bit this week because it resonates with me.

Yesterday, January 17, marked one year at my job, a job I love and am passionate about. Yesterday also marked the end of week two of my post-graduate paralegal certificate program, which has been very interesting and demanding so far.

I had been discerning being a criminal prosecutor for *years* since college, yet I was hesitant to accept my current (non-attorney) role due to ongoing health issues and uncertainty in the number of appointments and treatments I would endure. I accepted the job anyway, even though the timing wasn’t *perfect*.

This past year, in my position, I decided to gather more information and talk to actual criminal prosecutors at my job and ultimately decided not to pursue being a criminal prosecutor – something I had been thinking about for *many* years. A paralegal certificate program was never on my radar. In the process of conversation and achieving clarity, I decided to go for it and pursue a paralegal certificate, despite not having it all figured out.

The point is, I was uncomfortable and was waiting for the perfect time for everything: the perfect time to accept this job, the perfect time to gain clarity in my discernment process, the perfect time to start this paralegal program. Yet, if I had waited for the perfect time to take this job (when my ongoing health issues were resolved), I would not have come this far and discovered all I have. I would still be waiting. Boy, would my life be very different today if I had still been waiting for the perfect time to start.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

I am more than my body

January 14, 2024 amybenoit

I am more than my body: the body neutral journey” was written by Bethany C. Meyers, CEO of the be.come project. Bethany has over 15 years of experience in the fitness industry as an instructor, teacher, and workout creator. I struggle with my body image, and this book was much needed and thought-provoking. I got SO much out of this book that may be helpful to others.

In short, body neutrality is the idea that each of us is more than our body, and our worth is not limited to our physical self. It is respecting our body even though we may feel differently about it on any given day. Body neutrality involves steering away from self-hate without the pressure of having to love our body.

Body shame is heavily supported by diet culture. The beauty goal posts keep moving.
Toxic body positivity suggests people should love their bodies as long as they are healthy and work on their health if they aren’t healthy.
The body neutral journey is to acknowledge the feelings we have, explore why those feelings came about, and reconnect with our self-worth. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Explore the hidden reasons – stress, lack of sleep, emotional distress, sickness, hormones, societal wiring, etc. Reconnect with yourself, and thank your body for what it does for you.

Happiness comes from honest acceptance. Happiness doesn’t come from self-harm, self-abuse, self-delusion, self-hatred, shame, restriction, or punishment.

“All bodies are created equal, but they are not treated equally.” There is discrimination in media, employment, healthcare, relationships, etc. Many people are told to lose weight instead of receiving tests or treatments for other medical concerns. Attaining “health” isn’t a possibility for some people, and many factors (location, income, and socioeconomic status) can make it difficult or even impossible to access.

Things to consider:

“While we seek compassion for ourselves, we should simultaneously hope to find compassion for others, no matter their appearance.” If you have been speaking poorly to yourself and judging yourself harshly, how much of that is seeping out into your relationships with others? How do your comments about your own body impact those around you who hear them (especially children)?
Internalizing that this is the one body you have and that even if you’re not always thrilled with how it looks, you can devote yourself to caring for it, is game-changing.
We’ll likely always be influenced by the environment we live in, the media we consume, and the trends we see around us, but we don’t need to change things about ourselves that we love or start to hate parts of ourselves if they’re not in vogue.
Many people elect to do body modifications: lip filler, liposuction, Botox, nose jobs, lash extensions, etc. It’s worthwhile to be honest with yourself about why you are getting a procedure done. If it’s for someone else or you think it will make you more popular, attractive, or acceptable, it may not be coming from a neutral place.

Kids are more than their bodies and when we obsess or comment about their size, we teach them that this is where their identity lies. We forget about their interests, their dreams, and their goals, and we hinder development by placing them in a box. We need to be mindful of the language we use around young people to describe bodies, diets, and health.

“Babies cry when they are hungry and we let them eat because we don’t want them to go hungry. It always boggled my mind how we trust infants with this but we have such a hard time trusting ourselves. Often we restrict our food intake even when we are hungry.”

Points to consider about exercising/movement:

When you separate exercise from having the sole goal of changing your body, and instead allow it to be a place for repair, release, and rejuvenation, it’s likely you’ll find new freedom in your movement practice. Move your body in ways that feel good and that you actually enjoy.
Our bodies are wise and know how to adapt, evolve, and heal themselves. They know when we need rest, and they know when we need to move. As you connect with your body more intuitively, you will be able to interpret its cues in a new way.
Ask yourself: Am I appreciating the functions of my body without criticism? Am I focused on my body’s failings? Am I comparing myself to others? Am I pushing my body past its limits for the sake of hitting a certain goal or target?
Ask yourself: Why am I choosing to move today? Is it based on changing my physical form? Can I reframe my motive to focus on my mental, spiritual, or emotional health? How do I want this movement session to serve me?

What kind of language does your gym/instructor promote? Is this language in line with your values? What influences or media do you consume that frames exercise as a punishment, a requirement, or a means only to change your physical shape? I have experienced gym class instructors who made comments in classes about exercising to “earn” a shower or exercise to “work off” or “earn” pizza. I don’t surround myself with these environments anymore and have been able to reframe my mindset.
Change your intent of exercise. Consider the mental or emotional benefits of exercise. Think about how it will feel after, movement as a powerful release, and movement as self-care. Give yourself grace and allow rest.
“For people with chronic health issues, it is easy to start to lose trust and faith in your body in a lot of ways. There can be a lot of anger toward the body and a desire to control it. The impulse is often to try to make our bodies do what we want them to do.”

This book really resonated with me. I have chronic health issues that often cause bloating and other issues. Sometimes I look somewhat fit and many other times I look nine months pregnant. Sometimes I am frustrated with my body not functioning the way it should be.

Kids participate in movement because it’s fun, not because it’s necessary. They only begin to think about movement as a means to change their body when they receive messages that their body needs to change. It is learned behavior.

TIPS:

In the context of the body, the more we try to control what we eat, how we exercise, and how our outer self appears to the world, the more these issues will loom large in our life, depleting our health and happiness.
Whatever you restrict becomes the thing you crave. Deep restrictions lead to more and more cravings and bingeing. Always make sure the pantry is stocked. The more you have access to things, the less power they have over you. Removing restrictions is an important part of the recovery process.
I agree with this! I used to not allow myself to purchase candy, dairy-free ice cream, popcorn, chips, and many other foods when I lived alone in an apartment, so when I had access to them, I would eat so much that I felt sick. Since being married, we have kept all of these things on hand, and I have exhibited more self-control and less bingeing. I’ve had access to all of these things on a daily basis and have been surprised at how little I have consumed them on a regular basis!

Examine your relationship with control. Are your habits impeding upon your work schedule or time with family and friends? Do you say no to events. occasions, or activities in order to stick to your regimen? How much are you beating yourself up when you make a misstep? Wanting to control things is okay and natural, but we need to allow ourselves the space and grace to be humans. We can acknowledge what influences our thoughts and explore those factors. We can recognize that our bodies and everything about us is meant to ebb and flow.
Ignore the size tag on clothes. Different brands will fit differently, and it is not a reflection of your body.
Stop labeling foods as “good” or “bad” – food is not moral.

Toss the scale if you are going to obsess over it.
Be kind to yourself.
Question your “why.” Why do you feel your body needs to be different?
Diversify your social media feed to include all body sizes.
Look in the mirror naked and list positive or neutral comments about yourself.
Let go of perfection.
Remember that a thought is just a thought. It is not truth.
Look how far you’ve come.
Keep your language neutral in front of children.
Make the time for what centers you in your body.
Find like-minded people to move with.

I hope some of this resonated with you in your body neutrality journey.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – January 11, 2024

January 11, 2024 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

On Purpose with Jay Shetty – 4 Lessons I Will Be Taking With Me Into 2024 & How You Can Implement Them

In this world of wanting to be better, grow more, and learn more, we often put ourselves under more pressure and greater stress.

Lessons from Jay Shetty:

#1 – understanding stress as a spectrum – Look at stress as a spectrum.
- Eustress – a positive form of stress having a beneficial effect on health, motivation, performance, and emotional wellbeing. During eustress, feel-good chemicals (endorphins) are released.
- Distress– great pain, anxiety, sorrow, mental suffering, affliction, trouble, etc. We are often referring to distress when we talk about stress.
- Are you putting eustress onto yourself, or are you putting yourself in positions of distress? Are you putting stress on yourself to feel better, motivate yourself, or move yourself forward, or are you putting stress on yourself and being critical of yourself for not getting enough done or not doing enough this year?
- Putting yourself under distress makes you less productive, less effective, and less impactful. Guilt blocks growth.

Rigid thinking/a lack of flexibility – if you stress that you missed a day of your morning routine or an aspect of your daily habits, you are causing distress and you aren’t being realistic.
What one thing could you say you’ve done every day of your life without fail? Probably only breathing, eating, and sleeping

This point was eye-opening to me because I began focusing on daily habits in 2022, and although I have achieved some habits every single day since January 2022, I have been hard on myself when I haven’t been completely perfect with other habits.

When we get into these rigid patterns of thinking, that’s distress. It compounds stress. It’s not a “must.” It’s a “I get to,” “this makes me better,” “imagine what’s possible.”
Unrealistic expectations or perfectionism – caring too much can make what you are creating worse and can make you more anxious. Look at your life and reflect on how you can prepare but not overprepare and think but not overthink.

#2 – finding your center. Give up perfectionism. Accept that you might need to fail at something sometimes. In order to develop a healthy relationship with anything in the world, we have to find the middle and settle in the middle. Try not to be an extremist.
Most stressful events of life: death of spouse, divorce, death of a close family member, injury or illness, marriage, job loss, retirement

This goes along with daily habits. Learn to accept that you might not be able to be perfect every day; other priorities may come up. This is something I am working on.

#3 – being more compassionate and understanding of how others deal with stress – notice how unique and personal your relationship with stress is and how everyone’s experience is unique. Make a list of triggers for stress and create a plan to help you deal with stress.

#4 – Stop sleeping with your phone near your bed. Get a real alarm clock. Allow yourself to wake up and sleep without your phone. Scrolling on your phone results in going to bed later and full of ideas.

This is a tip I have read about time and time again, but I have not implemented it for a variety of reasons.

Know when to push yourself and when to hold back. If you can push yourself positively towards a goal you love with motivation, that’s brilliant. If you’re pushing yourself with negativity or negative self-talk, you need to hold back.

The Clever Girls Know Podcast – 10 Habits of Successful Women

Successful women set goals and achieve them. Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timebound.
Believe in yourself. Say affirmations to yourself, work on self-confidence, and believe you have what it takes to move forward.
Say no sometimes. This gives you ownership of your time and lets you determine where you want to spend your energy and where you don’t want to spend your energy.

Successful women make time for self-love and mindfulness. Take care of your physical and mental health in order to achieve your goals.
Always have a backup plan to fall back on.
Be comfortable with failure. Failure results in lessons in disguise.
Know when to accept help.

Strive for personal development. Never stop learning. Read, ask questions, leverage free resources, and spend time with mentors who help you grow.
Successful women do not compare themselves to others. Comparison is the thief of joy. Instead of comparing yourself, ask others how they did it so that you can learn to achieve those goals as well.
Accept the path and move on from mistakes.

All the Hacks with Chris Hutchins – Top 10 Takeaways from All the Hacks in 2023

Practice getting rejected to help boost your confidence and your ability to ask for things, and it might surprise you over the course of your life. To become more confident, focus on other people’s needs.
- Constantly say, “tell me more.” Let people do the talking and listen and respond to their needs appropriately. What? So what? Now what? What happened, why is it important, and what are we doing next? When presenting, practice WHAT: Why you’re here, How are we connected, Anecdote or two, and Thank you or Toast.
Kindness is so important. Distinction between being nice and being kind – if you are delivering bad news, do it from a place of sincerity. Kindness leads to you flourishing.
- Try to understand who you are trying to accomplish things for and make sure it’s what’s making you happy. This will lead to less resentment and more kindness.

Years ago, I read a book called “Rejection Proof” by Jia Jiang. Jia put himself in several scenarios to face rejection and build confidence.

Value your time. We need to value our time better. Get better at outsourcing, dropping things, or delegating things you don’t want to do. Calculate your “buy back” rate. Do a time audit and look at your calendar. Look at tasks you may be able to outsource that you don’t enjoy. Learn to say no to protect your time.
Learn the skill of spending. Get clarity on your spending; understand where you spend your money and be intentional about your spending. Spend on the things you care about and cut back mercilessly on the things you don’t.
There are so many paths to happiness and success.
We are responsible for our own health. Exercise and eat well. Be an advocate for your health.

Eating well can be much easier. Find meal plans or recipes online, use the Paprika app, etc. Use a meal subscription service if needed. Eat the same thing on certain days. Ex: tacos on Tuesday.
You are in control of your own life. Set goals and do what you say you’re going to do. Brainstorm what your life would look like if time and money weren’t a concern: the relationship you have with your spouse, friends and family, health and fitness, travel and transportation, hobbies and personal expression, work and career, self-improvement, giving back, and celebrations and holidays. You may realize that you don’t need more time and money to live the life you want to; you just need to manage your time and money better.
Ditch plan B. It may hold you back. Prioritize spending time with optimists.
Take time to reflect. What did I change my mind on this year? What created energy this year? What drained energy this year? Who were the boat anchors in my life? What did I not do because of fear? What were my greatest hits and worst misses? What did I learn this year?

HBR IdeaCast – The Best Return-to-Office Policies Aren’t One-Size-Fits-All

It’s wild how things have changed. If a company in 2019 had allowed employees to work from home two days a week, they would have been seen as progressive, incredibly trusting, and an amazing employer. Today, if that same employer expected people to go into the office three days a week, it could be seen as unnecessarily rigid. Some managers want to bring people back into the office in the name of collaboration and company culture.
When should employees be in the office? How often? On what days? How should it work? What managers tend to get wrong is instituting a one-size-fits-all approach from the top down.
Leading organizations are shaping their return-to-office approach to help employees feel that they still have a sense of control and agency over their decisions and behaviors, are facilitating interpersonal connections, and are fostering more-inclusive onsite work environments. They are looking to create a workplace environment that employees will want to be a part of.

Many employees are wondering why companies are making people come back to the office if they have been functioning remotely anyway.
Research shows that 67% of employees feel that going back to the office requires more effort than it did pre-pandemic. We have become accustomed to the flexibility and autonomy over the last few years. Many employees are concerned about the cost of going back to the office.

3 areas leaders and organizations should focus on to navigate this transition:
- Balance of structure and freedom to preserve employee autonomy
- Offer meaningful benefits like commuting subsidies, free or subsidized on-site childcare, food options onsite
- Must be intentional about helping employees build connections that can lead to personal and professional growth

Leaders cannot simply rely on the physical space to build connections. Leaders also need to incorporate inclusion into the onsite environment.
Only 50% of employees feel that the onsite environment seems inclusive.
Employers can help defray the costs of coming into the office. Many employees feel that the costs of coming into the office outweigh the benefits. Ideas: have free or subsidized childcare, transportation reimbursement, free or subsidized lunch
Leaders need to bring employees into the conversation and take a data-driven approach to the mandate. Will requiring employees to go into the office solve all concerns about productivity, loss of employee culture, etc.?

Life Kit – 5 questions to ask your partner for a healthy, lasting marriage

Is there anything that you or I are not willing to give up once we’re married? Ex: a certain hobby like yoga or fishing a certain amount of times each week. You must respect what each person needs and set boundaries to create a thriving marriage. Identity your non-negotiables and your areas of flexibility.
Can you handle me doing things without you? There needs to be connection (togetherness) and autonomy. Be able to compromise on what you can do together and what you can do alone. An early sign of emotional abuse in any relationship is that a person wants to control a partner’s time.

When conflict arose, did your family use the silent treatment, calmly discuss disagreements, or slam doors? How will we engage in conflict? The way couples handle conflict is the single best predictor of whether a marriage will flourish. According to the Gottman Relationship Institute, 2/3 of marriage conflicts are unsolvable, so it is important to learn how to manage it. Indicators of divorce: contempt, defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling

What is the most you’d be willing to spend on a lamp? A pair of shoes? A pair of jeans? Are you on the same page financially? We need to have open and honest ongoing discussions about our approaches to finances and about our emotions about money.
Are you able to change diapers at 3 a.m. and miss important meetings if our kid is sick? Both partners should share, over time, equally, their talents and time. You don’t necessarily need equality, but each partner should feel respected.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

Spotting and Hiring Exceptional Talent

January 7, 2024 amybenoit

“The Rare Find: Spotting Exceptional Talent Before Everyone Else” was written by George Anders, one of the founding writers at Bloomberg View. This was a useful, educational, well-researched, fascinating book about hiring talent. This book detailed methods companies have successfully used to spot resilience, curiosity, and self-reliance, among many other highly desired traits, that are not usually visible on a resume or in an interview.

CEOs who are persistent and proactive get things done. CEOs who are not, do not get things done, even if they are good listeners, team players, etc. And if you do not get things done, the people working for you get frustrated or even leave, particularly the better ones.”
Steve Kaplan

Identify leaders with the skills and resolve to succeed, rather than getting sidetracked by the short-lived allure of glittering resumes and charming personalities.

Look for the hidden virtues. One of the most overlooked strengths is resilience. It’s invisible on most resumes and can be hard to spot in a brief interview. Resilience can differentiate between those who do vastly better than expected and those who turn out to be severe disappointments. Example: Teach for America, Army Special Forces tests

Other hidden virtues include ingenuity, curiosity, and compassion.

Find your unlikely stars by noticing what others don’t see – “talent that whispers.”

Push your best candidates to grow even stronger – “talent that shouts.”

Compromise on experience; don’t compromise on character. The difference between growth and stagnation comes down to bold, fresh approaches who can create new opportunities.

When hiring, your own career is a template; use it. Use your own life experiences to help you find the traits you are seeking.

Rely on auditions to see why people achieve the results they do. Ex: teachers, pilots, musicians, leaders

Who tries hard? Who works well with others? Who recovers quickly from a setback? Conversely, who cuts corners? Who turns brittle under pressure? Who doesn’t care?

The process of getting to know candidates is defined far more by questions involving “why” and “how” – and less about “what” or “when.”

We must visit the critical junctures in our lives and look at them calmly and with clarity to gain insights. Reflection is powerful.

The FBI’s hostage rescue team and dozens of other high-talent organizations seek:

initiative, perseverance, and compatibility
discipline, trainability, and judgment
loyalty, leadership, and maturity

Examples:

hauling sandbags of various sizes various distances. Does anyone take shortcuts?
spending 10 hours on a rugged hike with no meals and then being placed in a conference room with not enough chicken for everyone
basketball scouting during time outs – “You’ll see some players run into the huddle, paying attention to the coach, eager to do everything right on the next play. Others drift on the court, ignoring their coach and team. This informs me which are likely to respond well to coaching or clash with authority.” – Tom Konchalski, long-time scout

Break down barriers that restrict where you look. Executives take small risks, make the most of their fortunate hunches, and let go of mistakes before they become ruinously costly.

Example: Book and music publishers often don’t sell enough to justify the advance paid to authors and musicians. However, the intermittent winners count for a lot. Some examples include JK Rowling and Taylor Swift.

“Talent that shouts” – everything hinges on an ability to make the most of wide-ranging ambitions and restless spirits. These people need to feel tied to the organization that hired them; otherwise, quarrels, betrayals, squandered opportunities, and job-hopping can occur in moments of anger. This talent wants to be challenged, not coddled.

Great talent is no substitute for the right talent. Ex: GE chief executive didn’t work out for Albertsons grocers.

Sometimes resumes need to be read bottom to top. Ex: GE’s leadership program requiring frequent challenges and relocations.

You can’t take motivation for granted. The most glamorous jobs can get ugly at times, with nonstop commitments, relentless travel, public setbacks, and media scrutiny of a person’s weakest moments. Motivation could crumble in the face of tougher challenges.

Top tips:

CEO desired traits: organization, aggressiveness, commitment, persistence, proactiveness, setting high standards, and holding people accountable
Less valuable: teamwork, flexibility, and being open to criticism
Draw out the “hidden truths” of each job. Think through the assignment. What are you really looking for?
Master the art of aggressive listening. Ask a lot of follow-up questions” “Why?” “What happened next?” Look for ways to decode candidates’ aspirations, frustrations, and habits.
Be alert to other invisible virtues – curiosity, efficiency, and self-reliance.

I once applied for a job I did not meet all desired qualifications for. The employer was looking for years of experience in a specialty legal field on Indeed. Indeed informed me that the employer viewed my application, but after a few weeks, I didn’t hear back. I boldly messaged the employer following up and asking “What can I do to show you I can be successful in this position?” That message resulted in an interview immediately afterwards and a subsequent job offer. I believe this message demonstrated curiosity, motivation, and resilience, and these qualities are not always visible with the standard job hiring process. I am grateful that employer took a chance on me, and I learned so much and became quite successful in the position.

This book was very useful, educational, well-researched, and fascinating. Note: Some photo credits to George Anders via Slideshare

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – January 4, 2024

January 4, 2024 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Frugal Friends Podcast – Declutter Your Home in 30 Days

Grab a box, walk around your home room by room, and put anything you don’t need in the box. Start with the easy stuff. Do this several times.
Find motivation with built-in deadlines. Set a timer for 15 minutes and do the first wave in 15 minutes.
Donate more. Use your local Buy Nothing group or Facebook marketplace. You can try selling what you would like to. If it’s not sold within a week, donate it.
Have people in your household help you declutter. Have them find things they would like to give away or donate.

Don’t rent a storage unit long-term. If you want to rent a storage unit short-term, pack up boxes and label them with a date. If, after 6 months to 1 year, you don’t go to your storage unit looking for that item, get rid of everything in the boxes, and get rid of the storage unit.
Plan to have people over to give you a sense of urgency to get rid of the clutter. Use that as a deadline for you to declutter.
Don’t confuse the desire to change with actual change. Thinking about change is not the same as implementing change.
Spending money on something does not result in that hobby or activity getting done.

Challenges
- 10 minutes, 10 spaces – 100 items. Get rid of 10 items from each of 10 different spaces, for a total of 100 items.
- Minimalist challenge – get rid of 1 item on the 1^st of the month, 2 items on the 2^nd day, and so on, so on the 31^st day of the month, you will get rid of 31 items. This challenge is often unfinished. You can do this challenge backwards – start with getting rid of 31 items, then 30, etc.
Ask yourself: How do I actually foresee myself using this in the future? How much would it cost if I got rid of this and then suddenly needed to get it again? Where am I going to keep this item?
If you haven’t used it in the last year and it costs less than $20 to replace it, get rid of it.

Last January, I got rid of one thing each day in our local Buy Nothing group. This year, so far, we have started decluttering one spare room that has been filled with boxes we haven’t really touched since we combined our belongings over a year ago. We have organized what we are keeping, we have thrown a lot of junk away, and we have made piles to give away. It is crazy to think about how much stuff we don’t actually need/want! We have several more spaces/rooms to declutter yet, but it is exciting that we started.

Life Kit – The decluttering philosophy that can help you keep your home organized

Start in the easiest place first – not paperwork or sentimental things. Decide what should stay or go. If you decide to get rid of things, get it out of the room/space right then to eliminate clutter.
After you decide to keep things, find a space for them.
The smaller the space, the more intentional you need to be. Ask yourself: What are the 3-5 activities you want to do in this space? How do you want it to look? How do you want to feel?

Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast – 10 Life Changing Things I Learned in 10 Years of Lifting

You will never be at an “end point.” You will crush goals and create new goals. Learn to love the process and appreciate how far you’ve come.
Training to failure is overrated. Do a specified number of reps and don’t overtrain.
Nothing beats consistency. Set realistic goals.
Lifestyle adaptation – fight laziness and enjoy the process.
You’re not giving 100%. You’re typically capable of a lot more than you think.

Supplements are way less important than you think. Supplements are supplemental to a great diet, great training, and a great mindset.
If you find something especially hard, do more of it. Ex: cooking, hard exercises, fixing sleep schedule. Fix your weakness.
Keep learning and reading. Question everything and try to have a deeper understanding of it.
You should be doing this to be healthy, not just look sexy.
Form will always be one of the most important things. Without the right form, you’re either getting injured or you aren’t getting the most out of the movement.

Whenever someone is doing something you don’t like, let them.
You will be more in control when you use the “let them” theory. You stop giving your time and energy to other people and situations you can’t control. You take your time and energy back and figure out what is best for you.
The more you try to control something, the more out of control you feel. The only way to feel in control in life is to focus on where your time and energy is going.
Everyone has an opinion of you. Unhook yourself from that concern. Their opinion of you is irrelevant to you.

It’s not your job to manage other people’s reactions. When you think about how often you are managing other people’s reactions, managing other people’s happiness, tiptoeing around the topics, shrinking yourself, staying silent, not asking for what you need, trying to fix problems, showing up when you don’t feel like it, doing things out of guilt, you are resisting the reality of the situation. When you think about it, you will realize how much time and energy you have and how much time and energy you can spend on yourself.

You aren’t responsible for other people’s happiness, other people’s boundaries, or managing other people’s tantrums. You’re responsible for your truth, your needs, expressing yourself, and telling people how you feel. You’re responsible for creating what you want.
When we step in and feel the responsibility for bailing people out, we rob them of the opportunity to face the things they didn’t face.
You can’t force anyone else to change or to do something. You can try, but someone only does something because they want to do something.

Optimal Finance Daily – 6 Things You Should Never Scratch Off Your Budget

Savings – emergency fund + retirement – even if you don’t have much money to save now, starting will help ensure that you’ll be better off financially down the line. At a minimum, contribute enough money to get an employer match.
Health insurance – make sure you have insurance in case you experience a major illness.
Debt repayment – have a plan to pay down student loans, credit cards, and other high-interest debts as quickly as possible. Consider getting a side hustle or working overtime to increase your income and pay off debts.

Life insurance – make sure your dependents are covered if something were to happen to you tomorrow. Adjust your life insurance policy as needed; you may need to take out more money as major expenses occur or as you have more children.
Spending money – put aside some money to spend – don’t spend it all at once. Sometimes having something now isn’t worth incurring interest charges down the road.
Groceries – know what you can afford on a weekly basis. Look into ways to cut back without dramatically impacting meals, such as shopping at discount stores or taking advantage of coupons and sales. Remember that eating out often will quickly eat away any extra money you may have had available in your budget.

To save money, we shop at a discount food store, keep some staples on hand, and we frequently plan meals around what we can find at a discount rather than planning around recipes or a list.

Optimal Finance Daily – Stop Using These 6 Ridiculous Excuses For Not Saving Money

The first step to saving more money is to figure out why you are unable to save money.
“I’ll hate my life if I start saving money” ➡️You can still live a great life AND save money. You need to learn how to manage your money better so that you can live the life you want to live, but on a more realistic budget.
“I’ll figure out how to save money later.” ➡️Many people put off saving because they’d rather spend their money now and believe they’ll have plenty of money to save money later. There is no need to spend all of your money now just because you can.

“I deserve and/or need the things I buy.” ➡️Many people believe they need to upgrade to the latest and best technology, clothing, etc. and need expensive vacations. Watch your spending, figure out ways to lower your expenses, and cut out anything unnecessary.
“I enjoy my job and can always make money.” ➡️You should still be saving money. What happens when you can no longer work? You don’t know what the future will bring – a medical problem, a serious life event, or you may hate your job later. You can enjoy your job and save money at the same time.
“The city I live in is too expensive to save money.” ➡️It may take time, but you need to either increase your income or cut your expenses or do both.
“It’s too late for me to start saving money.” ➡️It’s never too late to start saving money. Every little bit helps and can drastically change your future. Saving something is better than nothing.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Author: amybenoit

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