I read six books in November, some of which were short and easy reads. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in November.
“Where I Dry the Flowers” is a Button Poetry book of poems written by Ollie Schminkey, a non-binary transgender poet and artist who has spent the past decade coaching, mentoring, teaching classes, and running workshops for poets. Many poems in this book are about grieving the loss of a complex person. I highly recommend this book to anyone who loves poetry and/or is trying to process grief. Here are some lines I enjoyed from this book.
Controversial opinion: In Defense of Speaking Ill of the Dead – “he is both: the man who would make us smoothies out of orange Kool-Aid and vanilla ice cream and the man who yelled when he drank and drank so often I’d run to the basement and lock the door.”
“I think grief is always at least two things: one, the constant realization that your expectations for the future were wrong, and two, death has happened and it will again.“
Forgiveness poem – “i never said it out loud. Maybe my father wanted forgiveness as much as I wanted an apology, but we stayed silent, the grudge, smooth as a pearl underneath our tongues. but it doesn’t mean i didn’t forgive him. and it doesn’t mean he wasn’t sorry . . . . when he offered me his death as an apology, i took it. of course, i took it.“
One of my favorite poems from the book is this one. I love the idea of contrapuntals.
4 out of 5 stars
“Self-Care Activities for Women: 101 Practical Ways to Slow Down and Reconnect With Yourself” was a quick, easy read with excellent ideas from Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite, PhD, a licensed counseling psychologist and coach with over two decades of experience. This book provided different ideas for self-care in different categories: emotional, physical, mental, social, and professional. I highly recommend this book for anyone looking for self-care ideas. Here are some of my favorite ideas from each category.
Emotional self-care: Create your joy playlist. Create a list of songs that bring about positive memories and feelings, and schedule time in your calendar to listen to the entire playlist without multitasking whenever you need a mood shift.
Physical self-care: Plan a hike and picnic outdoors with friends.
Mental self-care: When you find yourself engaging in distracting behavior, reflect. What do I need right now? Is this giving me what I need, or do I need something else? Ex: may need a shower, hydration, exercise, rest, a hug, a good cry, journal reflection, or a talk with a friend.
Social self-care: Schedule activities with people you’d like to get together with on a regular basis. Rotate hosting.
Professional self-care: Establish a morning routine to set the tone for the rest of the day.
Self-care = “the actions one takes on their behalf in service of their well-being. Self-care means giving the world the best of you instead of what is left of you.”
5 out of 5 stars
“How to Be Perfect: An Illustrated Guide” was a quick, fun, simple book written by Rod Padgett and illustrated by Jason Novak that took me under fifteen minutes to read. Here are a handful of my favorite lines.
Hope for everything. Expect nothing.
Be skeptical about all opinions, but try to see some value in each of them.
Learn something new every day.
Be honest with yourself and diplomatic with others.
Be on time, but if you are late do not give a detailed and lengthy excuse.
4 out of 5 stars
“Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World” was written by Devorah Heitner, PhD, who has spoken and written widely about parenting and growing up in the digital age. This book was interesting and thought-provoking, and I highly recommend it for all parents or anyone who hopes to be a parent someday. This review sums it up:
“A must-read for every parent. Emphasizing the importance of our children feeling seen instead of watched, mentored instead of monitored, this book is all at once a road map for preventing digital problems, a resource for what to do when things go wrong, and a crash course in how to empower our kids to become responsible, independent, and thoughtful digital citizens.” – Tina Payne Bryston, LCSW, PhD, NYT bestselling author of “The Whole Brain Child”
I got a lot out of this book, and here are just some of the tips:
Mentoring is better than monitoring if we want to set our kids up for success. We want our kids to make good decisions, even when we are not right there.
We need to do a better job of mentoring kids on how to be intentional about how much they share both online and offline.
Common mistakes from teens and kids: carelessly taking a video of themselves making a crude hang gesture or using profanity, sharing videos of themselves making an unkind joke about a peer or teacher, taking selfies of vaping/drinking/drugs, taking a video mocking someone’s disability, wearing a racist Halloween costume, making fun of someone’s accent or body type, and liking or reposting problematic things.
5 out of 5 stars
“Exactly What To Say: The Magic Words for Influence and Impact” was written by Phil M. Jones. This book can be considered a masterclass in the art of influence, persuasion, and generating top-producing results. This book often came across as salesy – teaching the world to sell. I highly recommend this book to anyone in sales or anyone who wants to influence or persuade others.
Here are some of the tips:
One of the biggest reasons your ideas fail to get heard is that others tell you that they just don’t have the time to consider them. By using the preface, “When would be a good time to . . .?” you prompt the other person to subconsciously assume that there will be a good time and that no is not an option.
The words, “As I see it, you have three options” help the other person through the decision-making process and allow you to appear impartial in doing so. Present your option last and as the easiest. Then ask “What’s going to be easier for you?“
“What happens next is . . . ” brings people through to the completion that needs to follow. It is your responsibility to lead the conversation, and following the sharing of the required information, your role is to move it toward a close.
Success in negotiating is all about maintaining control in a conversation, and the person in control is always the person who is asking the questions. Challenge objections with “What makes you say that?” This shift of control now leaves the other person obligated to give an answer and fill in the gaps in their previous statement.
5 out of 5 stars
“The Complications: On Going Insane In America” was written by Emmett Rensin, who reflects on his life with schizoaffective disorder of the bipolar type: the hospitals and medication, the lost jobs and friends, the periods of mania and psychosis, the medication-induced tremor in his hands, etc. This book elevates the conversation around mental illness and challenges us to reexamine what we think we know about a world where one in a hundred people go mad. I learned a lot from this book and highly recommend it to anyone who wants to learn more about mental disorders. Here are some of my takeaways:
Some psychotic disorders become milder with age. Others are deteriorating, progressive conditions. Outcomes are difficult to predict.
The causes of severe psychiatric dysfunction are not thoroughly understood, but it is widely perceived that genes are not enough. Some additional event typically precipitates the full break. Trauma, substance abuse, and brain injury are common suspects.
It takes 7-8 years, on average, after initial onset of symptoms to get a diagnosis.
While brain abnormalities exist in some psychiatric patients, there are no consistent organic “signs” of madness, not any biological test for any psychiatric pathology.
“In between the positive exclamations of a psychotic disorder – bouts of delusion, mania, hallucinatory experience – are the dull murmurs of what we call negative symptoms, which generally include a blunt affect, social isolation, difficulty feeling pleasure, a lack of willpower, and poverty of speech.
“One of the greatest predictors of patient prognosis in the case of psychotic disorders is the degree of patient insight, which is to say, the degree to which the patient is aware of their disorder. If you cannot believe that you are ill, then you are unlikely to take your medication. If you do not take your medication, your condition will worsen. If your condition worsens, you are no more likely to take your medication or engage in the tedium of self-care.”
This reflection from the author stood out to me:
I am afraid of reaching a point where I do not want help, do not believe that I need help, where I run away from anyone who tries to help me, or worse, where I become so terrified or angry or violent that I hurt those people until they are not willing to help me anymore. I am afraid that one day I will become so sick that I reach the end of other people’s charity.
4 out of 5 stars – at times, this book was difficult to read and seemingly consisted of tangents and ramblings – however, this was likely due to periods of mania.
4 out of 5 stars
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
I read six books in October, two of which were short poetry books. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in October.
“Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World” is a Christian book written by Jennie Allen and is filled with stories, science-based insights, and practical ideas for building deep community. I had several takeaways from this book, but here are just a few.
5 out of 5 stars
“We’re all just kind of waiting for connection to find us. We’re waiting for someone else to initiate and be there for us. We’ve replaced intrusive, real conversations with small talk, and we’ve substituted soul-bearing, deep, connected living with texts and a night together every once in a while. Quit waiting for people to reach out to you. Start initiating and asking people the questions you wish they’d ask you.”
Factors to look for in friendships include availability, humility, proximity, transparency, consistency, accountability to others, and a shared purpose.
Some ideas for building friendships:
invite friends to bonfires
plan get togethers
intentional, active listening
affirm your friends
ask your friends about the highs and lows of their week
join a club
ask deep questions
listen
share the real stuff
“A Good Time for the Truth: Race in Minnesota” is a collection of stories of what it’s like to live as a person of color in Minnesota, was published by the Minnesota Historical Society Press, and was edited by Sun Yung Shin.
4 out of 5 stars
Here are some quotes that stood out to me:
“[People] unconsciously believe you are unfit to mother your own child simply because you are a Black woman.”
“Sometimes I catch myself staring at my son, wondering what he is going to do when someone gives him a piece of paper with boxes on it and asks him to check the box saying who he is – if he is going to pause before marking “Black.” As I do. Because Black is not a race.”
“To be a Korean adoptee in Minnesota is to be both hypervisible and invisible at the same time. It means that people can tell you they don’t see you as Korean as if that is a compliment.”
“If My Flowers Bloom” is a Button Poetry book of poems by Deshara Suggs-Joe, a queer, Black poet and visual artist. These poems were about desire, and many were sexual in nature. Honestly, this book was not one I enjoyed. I have included a snippet of my favorite poem from the book.
2 out of 5 stars
“ex traction” is a Button Poetry book of poems by Lara Coley, a San Francisco poet and educator who has taught creative writing and ESL in juvenile detention centers, schools, universities, and mental health treatment centers. Lara’s poems sharply dissect love relationships, and many are abuse and loving emotionally unavailable men.
4 out of 5 stars
Here are some snippets:
“How do you love so softly, so gently, so quietly, with your hand so tightly cradled around my throat?”
“We were lying on my bed and I asked him why, in our two years together, he’d never told me he loved me. He said he didn’t need to, that everyone knew. Een Jessica knows, he said. Well, good for her, I said. Good for Jessica.”
“She is wearing your affection like a coat, tailored to fit her. I remember stretching your love around my shoulders like a misshapen shovel that would never cover any parts of me that needed warmth.”
“Never Not Working: Why the Always-On Culture is Bad for Business – and How to Fix It” was written by Malissa Clark, associate professor of industrial-organizational psychology at the University of Georgia. Malissa is also a recognized expert on the topics of workaholism, overwork, burnout, and employee well-being. I highly recommend this book and will post about it in more detail sometime.
5 out of 5 stars
This book was filled with helpful information. This book covered signs of workaholic behavior, how to counteract workaholic behavior, the main components of workaholism, specific signals of workaholic culture within an organization, overwork assessments, and questions to ask after you get a job offer. Here are some of my many take-aways.
The most direct way to figure out what’s valued in a culture isn’t to listen to what people say is important. It’s to pay attention to who gets rewarded and promoted to leadership roles. Groups elevate people who represent their principles and advance their goals.
Here are some signs of workaholic behavior:
rumination – always thinking about work
overcommitment – always taking on too much and not knowing limits
busyness – always doing – unstructured time feels uncomfortable
perfectionism – nothing is ever good enough
poor delegation
poor scoping – underestimating how long it will take to do something
catastrophizing
3 questions to ask after you get a job offer to learn about the culture (courtesy of Work Life with Adam Grant):
Tell me about something that happens here that wouldn’t happen elsewhere.
Tell me about a time when people didn’t walk the talk here.
Tell me a story about who gets hired, promoted, and fired around here.
“All the Gold Stars: Reimagining Ambition and the Ways We Strive” was written by Rainesford Stauffer, an author, journalist, and speaker. This book contained a thoughtful exploration of ambition. Although this book contained several ramblings, there were some great takeaways.
4 out of 5 stars
So many modern ideas of ambition are rooted in work-related self-development, self-improvement, and career mobility, but ambition isn’t just about work. For those of us who feel that our performance at work – or our ambition – is the most valuable, worthiest, and most significant part of us, and thus, the most important part of our lives, we lose ourselves at the center of our stories.
Two primary sources of influence of our self-concept are our childhood experiences and our evaluation by others. Evaluation is ambition’s sidekick. Ambition is often registered as achievement.
Don’t let the world place limits on your ambition. Our efforts, time, imagination, and care can be oriented toward what matters to us most deeply in the face of a world that’s screaming to-do lists at us. Ambitions can be demonstrated in your hobbies, your values, how you care for yourself, your contributions to your community and causes, your friendships, etc.
Questions to ask yourself:
Think about your unrésuméd self – What are the things that actually fill you up that no one cares about, or you can’t put on your resume?
Who came up with this aspiration? Is it my idea or something random I thought I should aspire to?
What resources does it take to be ambitious about this, and is it worth it?
What does this ambition serve? It is me, a loved one, or something I care deeply about, or just an arbitrary marker of success?
How can the personal definitions we have of ambition expand?
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
I read three books in July 2024 – the fewest I have read in years. School kept me very occupied in July. Here is a brief synopsis of the three books I read in July, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.
“A Thousand Naked Strangers: A Paramedic’s Wild Ride to the Edge and Back” was written by Kevin Hazzard, who worked as a paramedic from 2004-2013. This book was fascinating and, as one reviewer put it, “gives us a deep, intimate portrait of the toll it takes to every day witness our most vulnerable moments.” Here are a handful of anecdotes that stood out to me:
In some areas, the education of an EMT – one of two people sent to save your life should the worst happen – is an eight-month certificate program. Medics/paramedics undergo an additional 18 months of training.
Memorable quotes:
“Anyone i need of extra cash, who’s been fired, or who is fresh out of jail or rehab can walk through First Med’s squeaky front door and find a spot on an ambulance.”
“This uniform conveys knowledge . . . the feeling is electric, being an insider, knowing that should anything happen, I’ll be the one called out to fix it.” “Medics don’t have to be heroic or tough or even good people. They simply have to enjoy the madness. Aside from a driver’s license and a high school diploma, that’s what this job takes.”
Sometimes the author felt like a Peeping Tom. “I want to explain that I’m here to have fun, to watch. A tourist . . . All of this is real. Except me. I’ve been sleepwalking through someone else’s life.”
“There will always be another dead body, another fetid roach-infested house. We will never escape the smells, the fluids, the unwashable ick of people deep in the throes of a communicable disease.” “I’ve slipped a hand under her head to check for head shots when her eyes pop open. I let go. Her eyes close. I press again. Her eyes open. There’s a firefighter riding with us, and we look at each other as it becomes clear: my finger has slipped through a bullet hole and into her skull, and whatever I’m poking in there is making her eyes open and close.“
4 out of 5 stars
“What’s Eating Us: Women, Food, and the Epidemic of Body Anxiety” was written by Cole Kazdin, a writer, performer, and four-time Emmy Award-winning television journalist. This was an educational, informative book that contained personal stories. Kirkus Reviews sums it up perfectly: “As much a personal story as an examination of body anxiety. Kazdin’s painful honesty is leavened with humor and irony.” I learned so much from this book and highly recommend it to anyone who may be struggling with their body image or may be dieting. I will post about this book in greater detail sometime, but for now, here are a handful of tidbits:
Thinking of foods as good or bad triggers eating disorders and disordered eating. An important part of developing a healthy relationship with food involves not demonizing or 100% eliminating any one food. Dieting is the most important predictor of developing an eating disorder. Nearly 30 million people in the United States suffer from eating disorders.
Failure is the business model for the weight loss industry, and companies rely on repeat customers who return after gaining back lost weight. The only way they can have repeat customers is if their product doesn’t work.
Most standard eating disorder treatments are behavioral therapy-based, focusing on changing behaviors rather than what underlies those behaviors. Chances are high that the root of the disorder will never be explored – thoughts and emotions linger long after treatment is over.
Author’s recommended questionnaire: Am I bingeing, making myself throw up, or using diuretics, including but not limited to any product with the word “detox” in the title? Am I restricting my food intake or eliminating a food in order to lose weight? Am I on any type of diet (Keto, Paleo, Weight Watchers, etc.)? Does exercise or food restriction dominate my life?
Various definitions of recovery: no more harmful behaviors, no dieting or wanting to go on a diet, a healthy relationship with movement, not being obsessed with food or your body, not thinking your body is something to fix or change
4 out of 5 stars
“The Courage of Compassion: A Journey from Judgment to Connection” was written by Robin Steinberg, founder of the Bail Project. Robin spent thirty-five years as a public defender. I read this book to learn more about other perspectives – “the other side.” This book was intriguing and helpful, and some of the stories within it were shocking. Here are several takeaways:
“What if your entire life were defined by the worst thing you ever did? And if we don’t want that for ourselves, then how can we do that to others?” We are all the products of a context and so much more than the sum of our mistakes. Compassion means to suffer together with another. Compassion begins when we accept that we are more than our own worst moment. It is an important lesson you understand when you love individuals who are deeply flawed or when you yourself have been judged on the basis of a single act.
According to the book, nearly 2/3 of people in jail on any given night are not even serving sentences. They are behind bars awaiting trial, mainly because they cannot afford cash bail. Further, according to the book, “the overwhelming majority of Americans who are booked into jails every year are dealing with issues of drug addiction, mental illness, and crushing poverty. We cannot incarcerate our way out of these social ills.”
“Years as a public defender had taught me that people don’t wake up one day and decide to commit horrendous violence. There is always a context, a history, experiences that pave the path to doing the unthinkable.”
“How can you defend ‘those people’?” – author’s response is the fundamental importance of the right to counsel, presumption of innocence, and genuine curiosity about how a person arrived at the present moment and the forces and events that shaped their circumstances. “Before you, there is a person whose entire life, worth, and character are being judged by prosecutors, judges, and society through the myopic lens of a single act. As a public defender, you must push past that paradigm and replace judgment with curiosity.”
The author believes three traits define most public defenders:
You love and have loved deeply flawed individuals, perhaps to your own detriment. We are the sum of our stories and new stories can always be written.
You have a healthy dose of mistrust for authority. You believe authority must be earned.
You were once probably idealistic about change and ready for the revolution.
4 out of 5 stars
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
I read four books in March 2024. I have been reading less for my personal pleasure due to being busy with a post-graduate paralegal certificate program and spending most of my time reading textbooks. Here is a brief synopsis of the four books I read in March 2024, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.
“How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships” was written by Leil Lowndes, an internationally acclaimed communications expert who coaches top executives of Fortune 500 companies and frontline employees to become more effective communicators. Leil conducts communications seminars for the U.S. Peace Corps, foreign governments, and major corporations. While I did learn some great communication tricks and the book was very useful, I did not like the phone and smug tone of writing. Here are a handful of my take-aways:
When someone asks where you are from, never give just the city. Learn some engaging facts about your hometown that conversational partners can communicate on.
Never give a naked thank you. Never let the phrase “thank you” stand alone.
If you leave a voicemail, view it as your ten-second audition to prove you are worthy of a quick callback.
Use the big baby pivot when you meet someone new. Give the warm smile, the total-body turn, and the undivided attention you would give a baby who crawled up to your feet and smiled at you.
Imagine a giant swiveling spotlight between you and your conversation partner. The longer you keep it shining away from you, the more interesting he or she finds you.
“Like, Literally, Dude: Arguing for the Good in Bad English” was written by Valerie Fridland, a professor of linguistics at the University of Nevada and author of the popular language blog called “Language in the Wild.” This book contained a linguistic exploration of the speech habits we love to hate – linguistic quirks that are fundamental to our social, professional, and romantic success. This book was fascinating, and here are just a few facts that resonated with me:
Language evolution doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Language evolves because social forces act as triggers in taking underlying linguistic tendencies and giving them social meaning. Ex: migration, school, class, cultural shifts, geography, age, etc.
‘Ums‘ and ‘uhs‘ don’t just fill pauses- these words unconsciously signify the introduction of a new topic or a complex idea and signal to a listener that there will be an upcoming speech delay and convey how long of a delay the listener should expect. ‘Um‘ precedes longer delays than ‘uh.’ They also result in a boost in memory to the listener (of what was stated after the pause) and filled pauses buy ourselves processing time and convey to the listener that “it’s still my turn.”
Our unease with the use of the word ‘like‘ is probably more about its association with casual, younger speech than its functionality. ‘Like‘ is an incredibly amorphous word:
verb – to discuss fondness for objects or people
noun – to describe likes and dislikes
adjective – to mean similar to “in the manner of”
preposition – simile construction
conjunction – to embed another clause
approximating marker – looseness of meaning before a numerical estimate/quantification
common quotative verb
“100 Ways to Change Your Life: The Science of Leveling Up Health, Happiness, Relationships, & Success” was written by Liz Moody, the host of the top-rated Liz Moody podcast, author of best-selling books, and popular online content creator. This book was my favorite book I read in March and contained so much valuable information! I will post about this book in more detail another time, but in the meantime, here are five ways you can change your life.
Take the risk. You are far more resilient than you think. Doing is a form of figuring out. Just start. The right time is always right now. A fundamental reason many people don’t find success is that they never begin.
Think about your death. What can it highlight about living a life that you’re proud of today? What can it teach you about shifts you need to make?
Establish and stick to better boundaries. You reclaim your energy, time, capacity, money, and physical space. We begin to resent people for not catering to our needs, even when we’ve never communicated what those needs actually are. Take a pause before replying to anyone’s invitation or request. Practice checking in with yourself first before you tend to someone else’s needs.
Identify your financial dreams. Why do you want to accumulate wealth in the first place? What is your Rich Life? What do you value? What are some things other people might value that truly don’t matter to you? Spend your money on what you value.
Create a mental health checklist. Social connection, good nutrition, routine, sleep, and movement are the five pillars of mental health. Use them as a first line of answers if you aren’t feeling your best.
“Excuse Me As I Kiss The Sky” was written by Rudy Francisco, one of the most recognizable names in spoken word poetry, and one of my favorite poets. This book covered different poetry styles, some of which I am not familiar with: ode, obit, golden shovel, contrapuntal, question-and-answer, free verse, page to stage, and love poems.
Rudy is one of the most recognizable names in spoken word poetry, but his talent also shows on the page. Rudy mentioned the difference between page poems and performance poems. Page poems are written for visual aesthetics and consist of rearranging text and line breaks. Performance poems are focused on how the poem will sound out loud, how it feels to say the words, the syllable count, rhythm, and taking just one chance to explain the story.
Here are some of my favorite lines in the book, which I have not formatted into the page poems:
Fragile – “I know the heart can be a fragile and dangerous thing. When it breaks, the ends are often jagged and will cut the hands of people who are just trying to help you clean up the mess. But I also know that pain is nomadic. It doesn’t like to stay in one play for too long. Healing is a slow crawl, but it will find you right where you are.”
“Fear is when we turn up the volume on everything that might go wrong and then allow it to speak louder than courage.”
“The past is one of the few things more stubborn than we are. It will not change and doesn’t care if you have a better idea of how the story should’ve ended.
Healing begins when we stop trying to run backwards on the escalator and embrace whatever will keep us moving forward.”
“I hope you stumble into the kind of love that bends all the question marks into exclamation points.”
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
I read four books in February 2024. I have been reading less for my personal pleasure due to being busy with a post-graduate paralegal certificate program and spending most of my time reading textbooks. Here is a brief synopsis of the four books I read in February 2024, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.
“Her Honor: My Life on the Bench … What Works, What’s Broken, and How to Change It” was written by LaDoris H. Cordell, a legal commentator and police-reform advocate who is a frequent guest on news outlets and served as the first African American woman jurist in Northern California. This book was very comprehensive and educational, and I learned SO much!
This review sums up my interpretation perfectly:
A brave, profound, and affecting book that combines wisdom, candor, wit, and humanity in equal measure, Her Honor is a sterling embodiment of the meaning of judicial independence that should be required reading for law students and anyone interested in our system of justice.
Kathleen M. Sullivan, former dean of Stanford Law School
Here are five random facts I learned reading this book:
The Multi Ethnic Placement Act (MEPA) requires the states to diligently recruit foster and adoptive parents who reflect the race or ethnicity of those children needing foster care and adoptive homes.
The Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA) requires the Native Child’s Tribe to be notified as soon as any proceedings concerning the child’s welfare are filed in court, and the Tribe has the right to be present at proceedings.
Seven states do not require any legal grounds to recall a judge. All that is needed is to collect the required number of signatures of registered voters to place the recall on the ballot. Federal judges cannot be recalled, no matter how controversial their decisions are.
The general rule is that judges cannot publicly comment about pending cases. It is no small irony that an accused murderer can speak out in his defense, but the judge who presides over that case cannot.
Today, defendants accept plea bargains and plead guilty in nearly 98% of criminal cases in federal and state courts.
“Flawless: Lessons in Looks and Culture from the K-Beauty Capital” was written by Elise Hu, a correspondent at host-at-large for NPR and the host of TED Talks Daily, the daily podcast from TED that’s downloaded a million times a day. Elise was the NPR bureau chief responsible for coverage of North Korea, South Korea, and Japan for nearly four years.
This review sums up my thoughts of this book:
Superbly researched and deeply insightful, Flawless is a timely, provocative, and fascinating must-read. Elise Hu masterfully blends an engrossing memoir about her experience as a foreigner, woman, and mother of girls in Seoul with a journalistic exploration of the disturbing forces behind K-beauty’s global rise.
Angie Kim
Here are three surprising take-aways from the book:
At high school graduation time in South Korea, students are commonly given cosmetic surgery gift certificates by their parents and grandparents, and dermatology and plastic surgery apps offer 50-70% discounts to recent high school grads for a three-pack of the most popular procedures for young Koreans: eyelid surgery, nose jobs, and Botox for facial contouring of the jawline.
Olive Young, like Sephora, is a one-stop shop for Korean skincare and cosmetics. In 2020, there were 1,259 Oliver Young stores in South Korea, roughly twice the number of Sephoras in the United States. Accounting for the population differences between the two countries, that means Koreans are roughly 6x more likely to encounter an Olive Young than an American is to encounter its equivalent!
South Korea leads the world in cosmetic procedures relative to its population.
“I’ll Fly Away” is a book of poems that paints an intimate portrait of Black life in America, written by Rudy Francisco, one of the most recognizable names in Spoken Word Poetry. Rudy is an Individual World Poetry Slam Champion and a National Poetry Slam Champion. He is my favorite slam poet.
Here are some of my favorite anecdotes from the poems:
“Sometimes I’m the mess. Sometimes I’m the broom – on my hardest days, I have to be both.”
“Have you ever noticed how much water hates to argue? How it molds itself into the shape of a pour, makes a home where it lands, but also never gives up its identity. As if to say, ‘Sure, I’ll stay but only if I can be myself.’ I think there is a lesson here.”
“The Peace Lily is a flower that can grow and survive even if it’s left in the shade. See? We don’t always choose our environment, but we can’t let that stop us from blooming.”
“There are people that you don’t know, who dislike you for things you never did. There are people who start wars but hide the declaration under their breath for years. They see you coming, stare from a safe distance, and launch a fleet of ships using only a glance.”
“How to Break Up With Your Phone” was an eye-opening book written by Catherine Price. Part of this book covered the negative impacts of phone usage and addiction, and the second part of this book covered a detailed 30-day plan to break the cycle of addiction to your phone. Although I have not yet done the 30-day plan, I learned a lot from this book and will implement some of the 30-day challenge tips.
The biggest tips from this book are to reframe the way you think about your phone. Every moment you spend on your phone is time you’re not spending doing other pleasurable things, whether that’s in-person relationships, practicing a hobby, reading a book, etc.
Ask yourself what you want to pay attention to. Our lives are what we pay attention to. Every time you reach for your phone, consider asking yourself: What for? What else? Why now?
Set yourself up for success. If you spend too much time on social media apps, uninstall them from your phone and make yourself use a computer to check social media. Disable notifications from apps and e-mail to prevent distractions. Establish rules about phone usage. Ex: no phones at the dinner table, no phone within an hour of waking up or going to bed, no phones while riding in an elevator, no phones on a daily walk, etc.
I really enjoyed all four of these books and will post about some of them in more detail on my blog sometime!
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
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