I read four books in January. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in January.
“Built to Move: The 10 Essential Habits to Help You Move Freely and Live Fully” was written by Kelly Starrett and Juliet Starrett, the cofounders of San Francisco CrossFit and coauthors of the Wall Street Journal Bestseller Deskbound. Kelly is also the cofounder of The Ready State. This book included different movements and tips to incorporate them into daily life. Here are some takeaways:
The range of motion and body positioning relates to health, ease of movement, and the presence and absence of pain.
This book included measurable and repeatable diagnostics that will help you assess your current condition, where you need to go, and how you’re going to get there. This book also included mobilization techniques for reducing stiffness and resolving pain.
Think about how you want to live your life, take into consideration that the body naturally gets stiffer and weaker with age, and undertake strategies to counter those potential erosions before they set in. To be able to keep moving when you’re older, you need to get or keep moving now.
Some tips:
Sit-and-rise test – getting up and down off the floor without using your hands, knees, or losing balance – determines when you have good range of motion in your hips and gauges leg and core strength and balance and coordination
Incorporate various ground-sitting positions into your day: cross-legged sitting, sitting with your legs out in front of you, one-leg-up sitting, etc.
Find your balance. Do the one-leg stand test with your eyes closed for twenty seconds. How steady you are on your feet depend on your feet, your inner ear, sensory receptors in the muscles, tendons, fascia, joints, and eyesight.
Aim to limit sitting to six hours per day. Set up a standing workstation and move around every thirty minutes.
4 out of 5 stars
“While You Were Out: An Intimate Family Portrait of Mental Illness in an Era of Silence” was written by Meg Kissinger, who teaches investigative reporting at Columbia Journalism School. Meg spent more than two decades traveling across the country to report on America’s mental health system for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and has won dozens of accolades. This book was frank and revelatory and was a personal and painful narrative. I highly recommend this book! Here are some of the many things that resonated with me:
Meg details the family dynamics of alcoholism, mental illnesses, and two of her siblings committing suicide and how the shame and practice of “not talking about it” impacted her and her family.
5.6% of adults suffer from serious and persistent mental illness, and more than 1/3 of them don’t get treatment. A person with serious mental illness is 10x more likely to be incarcerated than hospitalized.
Jails and prisons have become the nation’s de facto mental health hospital system. By 2010, almost 90% of the hospital beds across the country that were once available for the sickest psychiatric patients had been eliminated.
“Suicide prevention experts I’d interviewed over the years told me repeatedly that we can do a lot more to stop people from killing themselves. Knowing the warning signs for suicide and how to talk to those who are considering it will save lives. So why weren’t we able to stop our siblings? Because we had been discouraged from talking about it. I could not help but wonder what life would have been like if we had grown up in a more transparent era.”
“Only love and understanding can conquer this disease.”
5 out of 5 stars
“Riding the Lightning: A Year in the Life of a New York City Paramedic” was written by Anthony Almojera, an EMS lieutenant with the Fire Department of New York City who has also been featured in various media outlets. This book was devastating, candid, and vital, and guides readers, one month at a time, through the first year of COVID-19 from the perspective of a paramedic in New York City. I recommend this book to readers who want a glimpse of how COVID-19 changed EMS each month in 2020. Here are some takeaways:
In the beginning of COVID-19, every EMT and paramedic who transported a patient with suspected coronavirus was instructed to wear gloves, a gown, goggles or a face shield, and an individually fitted N95 mask, then throw everything away after each patient contact. Originally, the health department recommended that ambulances be aired out for two hours after every fever/cough call. (!)
Protocols were shifting constantly – what protective equipment to wear, how to deal with a cardiac arrest, whether to consult telemetry about where to take a patient, whether to notify the hospital that you were transporting a suspected case of COVID, how often to change your N95 mask, etc.
Surgical masks are made of polypropylene, a nonwoven paper substance that allows air to pass through it but not droplets of moisture. They don’t stop airborne particles from passing into your nose and mouth. For that, you need an N95.
In March 2020, the New York City COVID-19 deaths averaged over 400 per day. On March 30, 2020, New York City EMS received 7,253 calls – one call every 12 seconds!
The telemetry office couldn’t keep up. There was 1 physician fielding all questions from EMS crews in a city of over 8 million people!
Hospitals didn’t have enough ventilators or CPAP machines. For all the people who were dying in the hospital, many more were dying before they even got there – at home, in ambulances, or in lines to the emergency departments.
At one point, the author had 14 calls in 16 hours, and every patient died!
Patients’ families want to believe that something can be done, that the outcome will change if the patient goes to the hospital. But the medical system was so swamped during the pandemic that our protocols had changed. As of March 31, 2020, we were transporting patients only if we got a pulse back at the scene. Hospitals didn’t have the resources to try to resuscitate them, and we didn’t have the resources to transport them, so we had to pronounce these patients dead then and there.” By April 2020, if there was no pulse or electrical activity in the heart after 20 minutes, paramedics/EMS were instructed to stop CPR and pronounce the patient dead.
4 out of 5 stars
“A Bit Much: Poems” was written by Lyndsay Rush, a comedy writer and the poet behind the popular Instagram account @maryoliversdrunkcousin. This book was great, and I highly recommend it!
Here are some of my favorites:
When your surroundings begin to feel cold and uninhabitable and your environment no longer offers the support or sustenance you need, I hope you migrate. I hope, as you make your way down south, that you find another silly goose to fly with, too – in such a tight-knit formation that Wikipedia would refer to your crew as plump. And I hope that no matter how long the journey takes you, the wind is always at your back; nudging you closer to home.
“Starting something new is like a one-man show for a one-man audience; the only applause worth seeking is your own. Don’t rob yourself of that while you wait for approval from somewhere else. Sometimes winning yourself over is the greatest show on earth.“
“A great philosopher once said I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes (I saw the sign). But when you see the world through rose-colored glasses, it can be hard to recognize a red flag. So what I have learned is this: If they’re mean to the waiter, they’ll be mean to you. If they never follow through, they will never show up. If it hurts your stomach, it will hurt your heart. You can’t temper a storm, but you can sure as hell evacuate the beach.“
“If cauliflower can be pasta, you can be whatever you want.“
5 out of 5 stars
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
“Read This Before Our Next Meeting” was written by Al Pittampalli, the founder of the Modern Meeting Company, which has helped organizations hold more effective meetings. This book was direct and to the point.
In a world with fewer meetings, we’d have more time for our real work, the work we do that actually propels our organizations forward.
The modern meeting:
doesn’t make decisions. Leaders do. Consult others via e-mail or one-on-one and make a preliminary decision.
has two primary functions: conflict and coordination
moves fast and ends on schedule. Strong deadlines force parties to resolve the hard decisions necessary for progress.
limits the number of attendees.
rejects the unprepared. Prepare an agenda.
produces committed action plans. No minutes are required; you only need to know the decision and resulting action plan.
refuses to be informational. Reading memos is mandatory.
works only alongside a culture of brainstorming
The modern meeting is for finalizing your preliminary decision, generating buy-in, and agreeing on next steps. In advance of the meeting, inform attendees of the decision you plan to make as well as the reasoning behind that decision.
During the meeting, allow attendees to ask questions, voice concerns, and propose modifications. If all goes well, a consensus is achieved, a decision is resolved, and an action plan is coordinated.
Invite only the people who are absolutely necessary for resolving the decision that has been presented. If you have no strong opinion, have no interest in the outcome, and are not instrumental for any coordination that needs to take place, you don’t need to attend.
Prepare an agenda. Every meeting should require pre-meeting work. The modern meeting is about conflict and coordination, two activities that hinge upon preparation.
8 principles of the modern meeting:
Only after you’ve reached a preliminary decision can you call a meeting.
Get everyone on the same page and create an action plan.
Enforce firm meeting end times. The meeting ends, a decision is resolved, and participants get back to work. Start on time.
Only people who are critical to the outcome are invited to the modern meeting. Small numbers allow decisions to be resolved quickly and plans to be coordinated smoothly.
The modern meeting rejects the unprepared. An agenda is distributed well in advance and establishes the decision being debated or the action being coordinated. You must carefully think through different scenarios and come up with thoughtful responses.
The modern meeting produces committed action plans. What actions are we committing to? Who is responsible for each action? When will those actions be completed? It’s the meeting leader’s responsibility to follow up and hold participants accountable for their commitments.
If no action plan is necessary, neither is a meeting!
Informational meetings aren’t necessary. Managers must write memos instead. Everyone must commit to reading them.
The modern meeting is about decision and the narrowing of options. Brainstorming is necessary.
Amazon and Google are both notable in their meeting practices and share many elements of the modern meeting.
This was an interesting book. I agree with some of it, as I have had to attend several meetings just so that management or clients could “check a box” from their weekly to-do list that a meeting was held. This is not effective. However, in my current role, we occasionally have virtual video meetings so that we can get to know and see others we don’t see in person. I enjoy having time set aside for that.
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
“Real Self-Care” was a much needed, straightforward book written by Pooja Lakshmin, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist, New York Times contributor, and the founder and CEO of Gemma, the physician-led women’s mental health community.
For many women, self-care ends up being another burden, another thing on the to-do list to feel bad about because they aren’t doing it right. Women are pulled in two opposing directions: asked to be selfless and accommodating to the needs of others and, simultaneously, to excel professionally and personally.
Real self-care vs faux self-care:
Applying a methodology of faux self-care is reactive, whereas practicing real self-care is proactive.
Faux self-care is a noun, typically describing an activity or a product. Real self-care is a verb, describing an invisible, internal decision-making process.
3 most common reasons why we tend to turn to faux self-care:
escape – using self-care to escape our regular lives seldom results in lasting change. Our true selves are located in our daily choices.
Whatever the setting, you get to “retreat” from the real world and hermit away in a beautiful environment, but no matter how much self-care you do, you’re still you.
achievement – based on shame. Another activity to excel at/conquer. Perfectionism, workaholism, and capitalism.
“My self-worth strongly depends on my ability to be seen as a success.”
optimization – trying to maximize every possible aspect of life and trying to be the most efficient, productive, and controlled.
Optimization will just breed more optimization – equating self-worth with productivity
What is real self-care?
Real self-care requires boundaries and moving past guilt. You must be assertive in prioritizing your own needs and desires.
Real self-care means treating yourself with compassion.
Real self-care brings you closer to yourself and getting to know your core values, beliefs, and desires.
Real self-care is an assertion of power. It’s about saying what works for you and what doesn’t.
Real self-care is all about making space for you – your thoughts, feelings, and priorities in life. Setting boundaries is how we take our time, energy, and attention back. Ex: you don’t have to answer your phone. Setting boundaries is about recognizing you have a choice and communicating it. Learn to say no.
The longer you stick with a relationship, job, or situation that isn’t working for you, the higher the emotional cost to set a boundary.
Listen to what your body is telling you: dread, nausea, palpitations, etc. Learn to say no.
In all situations, you can say yes, you can say no, or you can negotiate. Your boundary is in your pause.
Tips for practicing compassion:
Replace self-judgment with self-kindness.
Practice receiving support/love/attention. Say yes to offers of help.
Connect with your body and rest when your body is tired.
Know your values. What sort of person do you want to be? What really matters to you? Does your action align with your values? Know your HOW and WHY. Recognize that in each season of your life, you will have different priorities.
Your boundaries are a reflection of how willing you are to advocate for the life you want. You must separate your own needs and preferences from the opinions of other people who have a vested interest in your life.
Every boundary you set is a reminder that you have agency over how you spend your time and your energy. Be clear, be concise, and don’t apologize.
Compassion is something you must give to yourself; you can’t expect it to always come from outside.
These common examples are NOT practicing compassion:
“I can save time by doing it myself.” Women tend to bear the heavy mental load because they believe others are less efficient or don’t do things quite right. This leads to resentment and rage that builds up all because it’s “easier and faster.”
Martyr mode – extending yourself toward others and expecting praise/support/attention and losing your cool when that expectation is not met.
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
Here is a complete list of the books I read in 2024, listed in the order that I read them. I was very busy with work, school, and other commitments in 2024 and did not post many detailed book reviews. When I created this blog, my intention was to read, learn, and share about the books I read, so I hope to post more book reviews in 2025.
1. 101 Things I Learned in Advertising School by Tracy Arrington with Matthew Frederick
2. The Book You Want Everyone You Love* To Read by Philippa Perry
3. Internal Medicine: A Doctor’s Stories by Terry Holt
I read six books in December, some of which were short and easy reads. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in December.
“The Fire This Time: A New Generation Speaks About Race” was edited by Jasmyn Ward, an author and associate professor of Creative Writing at Tulane University who has won several writing awards. This book demonstrated the power in words – the power in asserting our existence, experience, and lives through words. This book was selected as a book club read for my employer. Here are some quotes that stood out to me:
[During an internship at a magazine that was more than 150 years old] “Sometime during the end of my first week, a chatty senior editor approached me in the corridor. During the course of our conversation, I was informed that I was almost certainly the first black person to ever intern at the magazine and there had never been any black editors. On good days, being the first black intern meant having my work done quickly and sounding extra witty around the water cooler; it meant I was chipping away at the glass ceiling that seemed to top most of the literary world. But on bad days I gagged on my resentment and furiously wondered why I was selected. I became paranoid that I was merely a product of affirmative action, even though I knew I wasn’t.”
“I accepted the reality that the historic colonial houses – now the business residences of attorneys, hairstylists, insurance agents, and doctors – were considered by more people to be more valuable than the bodies below them.”
“Empathy requires us to dig way down into the murk, deeper than our own feelings go, to a place where the boundaries between our experience and everyone else’s no longer exist.“
Rules of walking – “no running, especially at night; no sudden movements; no hoodies; no objects – especially shiny ones – in hand; no waiting for friends on street corners or standing near a corner on the cellphone lest I be mistaken for a drug dealer“
This book provided thought-provoking perspectives of race and minorities.
4 out of 5 stars
“Employment Law: A Very Short Introduction” was written by David Cabrelli, the professor of Labour Law at the University of Edinburgh and the author of 5 books. This book contained a decent overview of employment law, and I learned about other countries; however, I learned much more in my Employment Law class this semester. Here are some main points:
Employment contract = employment relationship and rights. No employment contract = no employment relationship and rights. The various roles governing the constitution, classification, variation, contact, performance, suspension, and termination of the employment relationship are all derived from contract law.
There is a rise of atypical workers in the labor markets of advanced Western economies, such as the U.S. These independent contractors work very flexibly and as and when they want and often suffer from low pay, little or no job protection or security of earnings, and are subject to the control of those hiring their labor.
British legislation enacted in 1971 protects employees from unfair dismissals. The USA remains an exception to most countries. The USA has an employment-at-will doctrine, which safeguards the liberty of the employee to resign and find another job without liability and allows the employer to discharge the employee without sanction.
One thing that stood out to me, that I hadn’t considered previously, is the quote that “Employers operating at below a living wage are free riding on the back of the public purse.”
This book was a very general overview of employment law, but other books cover much more information.
3 out of 5 stars
“Learning to Disagree: The Surprising Path to Navigating Differences with Empathy and Respect” was an insightful book written by John D. Inazu, a Distinguished Professor of Law and Religion at Washington University in St. Louis. Multiple studies have shown that Americans have a growing disdain for those who differ from them politically and ideologically. We deride our political, religious, and ideological opponents as dangerous or evil and retreat to digital foxholes. This book is a necessary read for many people and a reminder to treat people as humans. Here are some main takeaways:
Good lawyering requires empathy for adversaries. You don’t have to like the other side, but you do have to understand them. How are you going to persuade a judge that you have the better story? The better you understand the other side of an argument, the better you can critique it and the more strongly you can defend your own position.
Assume the best of someone to open the door to deeper understanding and an opportunity to learn from those who see the world differently. Distinguish people from the ideas they hold. Other people are humans with whom you share many things in common. That doesn’t mean you will always share – or even respect – their ideas.
Recognize the limits to your knowledge and understanding. Embrace the likelihood that you won’t be able to convince everyone who thinks differently that you are right and they are wrong.
Well-intentioned people can have differing beliefs without being evil. In a country as large and diverse as the United States, every one of us holds beliefs and opinions that other people think are beyond the pale.
Practice repentance, grace, and forgiveness.
I highly recommend this book and will post a more detailed book blog about it sometime.
5 out of 5 stars
“About Time” is a book of poems by Neil Hilborn, a best-selling author and the most-watched poet ever (with over 150 million views). Neil has performed in 41 states and 8 countries. Neil is one of my favorite poets and is incredibly talented; with that said, I did not enjoy this book as much as his prior books. Here are some quotes that stood out to me:
“Ask the thoughts what they want: Why am I going to kill myself and if I do, go all the way to the logical end: Who will it hurt, what gets left behind, what good remains undone; dissect the bells, separate the ringing into a flat expanse and not the towering blaze telling you it is . . . “
“The Prozac makes me less tired but I’m still pretty tired but maybe that’s cause depression makes you tired.”
“I know why, but why is it that the pills will keep me alive but they give me enough to kill myself?“
To quote my favorite TV personality slash parasocial therapist slash mommy? Doctor Robin Zasio of Hoarders fame: You’ve got to feel it to heal it. As it relates to hoarding, I think she means that if you never throw out things you accumulate then you don’t have to deal with the emotional context around those things.
Many of the poems were somewhat depressing, but this poem provided humor.
4 out of 5 stars
“The Little Book of Sleep: The Art of Natural Sleep” was written by Nerina Ramlakhan, a professional physiologist and sleep therapist for 25 years who runs sleep and wellness programs at Nightingale Hospital in London. This book was a quick, easy read. One description reads: “Drawing on Western science and Eastern practices, this beautifully illustrated guide to sleep teaches that, by making better choices in our waking hours, we can positively influence our sleep.” Here are some tips from the book.
Sattvic describes the type of sleep we should be getting – pure, deep, natural, and healing. This is the kind of sleep where you wake up feeling refreshed, filled with vitality, and looking forward to the day ahead.
The journey back to deep sleep is about working on yourself to create an inner core of safety and making lifestyle choices that will help your nervous system to recalibrate and shift back into safety mode if you’ve been running on survival mode.
Tips:
Eat within 30 minutes of waking.
Reduce your caffeine intake to less than 300 mg per day. The half-life of caffeine is 5 hours. Avoid any caffeine until you’ve eaten.
Drink plenty of water.
Take breaks from technology. Withdraw from technology an hour before you get into bed. Don’t keep your phone in your bedroom or watch TV in bed.
Create a sanctuary in your bedroom. Think soft, relaxing colors, essential oils, and cool and well-ventilated.
Try breath awareness exercises.
Increase your oxytocin levels by expressing your feelings, getting a massage, hugging someone, stroking your pet, and engaging in activities that make you feel at your best, happy, and carefree.
4 out of 5 stars
“The One Minute Manager” was cowritten by Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson. Ken Blanchard is a prominent, gregarious, sought-after author, speaker, and business consultant. Spencer Johnson, M.D. is the author or coauthor of numerous New York Times bestselling books. This book was an insightful and easy read, although it could have been more concise. Here are the main habits of a one minute manager:
One Minute Goal Setting – set goals with their people to make sure they know what they are being held accountable for and what good performance looks like
One Minute Praising – try to catch their people doing something right so that they can give them a One Minute Praising
One Minute Reprimand – reprimand people immediately and tell people specifically what they did wrong then remind them how much you value them and reaffirm that that you think well of them but not of their performance in this situation.
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
I read six books in November, some of which were short and easy reads. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in November.
“Where I Dry the Flowers” is a Button Poetry book of poems written by Ollie Schminkey, a non-binary transgender poet and artist who has spent the past decade coaching, mentoring, teaching classes, and running workshops for poets. Many poems in this book are about grieving the loss of a complex person. I highly recommend this book to anyone who loves poetry and/or is trying to process grief. Here are some lines I enjoyed from this book.
Controversial opinion: In Defense of Speaking Ill of the Dead – “he is both: the man who would make us smoothies out of orange Kool-Aid and vanilla ice cream and the man who yelled when he drank and drank so often I’d run to the basement and lock the door.”
“I think grief is always at least two things: one, the constant realization that your expectations for the future were wrong, and two, death has happened and it will again.“
Forgiveness poem – “i never said it out loud. Maybe my father wanted forgiveness as much as I wanted an apology, but we stayed silent, the grudge, smooth as a pearl underneath our tongues. but it doesn’t mean i didn’t forgive him. and it doesn’t mean he wasn’t sorry . . . . when he offered me his death as an apology, i took it. of course, i took it.“
One of my favorite poems from the book is this one. I love the idea of contrapuntals.
4 out of 5 stars
“Self-Care Activities for Women: 101 Practical Ways to Slow Down and Reconnect With Yourself” was a quick, easy read with excellent ideas from Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite, PhD, a licensed counseling psychologist and coach with over two decades of experience. This book provided different ideas for self-care in different categories: emotional, physical, mental, social, and professional. I highly recommend this book for anyone looking for self-care ideas. Here are some of my favorite ideas from each category.
Emotional self-care: Create your joy playlist. Create a list of songs that bring about positive memories and feelings, and schedule time in your calendar to listen to the entire playlist without multitasking whenever you need a mood shift.
Physical self-care: Plan a hike and picnic outdoors with friends.
Mental self-care: When you find yourself engaging in distracting behavior, reflect. What do I need right now? Is this giving me what I need, or do I need something else? Ex: may need a shower, hydration, exercise, rest, a hug, a good cry, journal reflection, or a talk with a friend.
Social self-care: Schedule activities with people you’d like to get together with on a regular basis. Rotate hosting.
Professional self-care: Establish a morning routine to set the tone for the rest of the day.
Self-care = “the actions one takes on their behalf in service of their well-being. Self-care means giving the world the best of you instead of what is left of you.”
5 out of 5 stars
“How to Be Perfect: An Illustrated Guide” was a quick, fun, simple book written by Rod Padgett and illustrated by Jason Novak that took me under fifteen minutes to read. Here are a handful of my favorite lines.
Hope for everything. Expect nothing.
Be skeptical about all opinions, but try to see some value in each of them.
Learn something new every day.
Be honest with yourself and diplomatic with others.
Be on time, but if you are late do not give a detailed and lengthy excuse.
4 out of 5 stars
“Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World” was written by Devorah Heitner, PhD, who has spoken and written widely about parenting and growing up in the digital age. This book was interesting and thought-provoking, and I highly recommend it for all parents or anyone who hopes to be a parent someday. This review sums it up:
“A must-read for every parent. Emphasizing the importance of our children feeling seen instead of watched, mentored instead of monitored, this book is all at once a road map for preventing digital problems, a resource for what to do when things go wrong, and a crash course in how to empower our kids to become responsible, independent, and thoughtful digital citizens.” – Tina Payne Bryston, LCSW, PhD, NYT bestselling author of “The Whole Brain Child”
I got a lot out of this book, and here are just some of the tips:
Mentoring is better than monitoring if we want to set our kids up for success. We want our kids to make good decisions, even when we are not right there.
We need to do a better job of mentoring kids on how to be intentional about how much they share both online and offline.
Common mistakes from teens and kids: carelessly taking a video of themselves making a crude hang gesture or using profanity, sharing videos of themselves making an unkind joke about a peer or teacher, taking selfies of vaping/drinking/drugs, taking a video mocking someone’s disability, wearing a racist Halloween costume, making fun of someone’s accent or body type, and liking or reposting problematic things.
5 out of 5 stars
“Exactly What To Say: The Magic Words for Influence and Impact” was written by Phil M. Jones. This book can be considered a masterclass in the art of influence, persuasion, and generating top-producing results. This book often came across as salesy – teaching the world to sell. I highly recommend this book to anyone in sales or anyone who wants to influence or persuade others.
Here are some of the tips:
One of the biggest reasons your ideas fail to get heard is that others tell you that they just don’t have the time to consider them. By using the preface, “When would be a good time to . . .?” you prompt the other person to subconsciously assume that there will be a good time and that no is not an option.
The words, “As I see it, you have three options” help the other person through the decision-making process and allow you to appear impartial in doing so. Present your option last and as the easiest. Then ask “What’s going to be easier for you?“
“What happens next is . . . ” brings people through to the completion that needs to follow. It is your responsibility to lead the conversation, and following the sharing of the required information, your role is to move it toward a close.
Success in negotiating is all about maintaining control in a conversation, and the person in control is always the person who is asking the questions. Challenge objections with “What makes you say that?” This shift of control now leaves the other person obligated to give an answer and fill in the gaps in their previous statement.
5 out of 5 stars
“The Complications: On Going Insane In America” was written by Emmett Rensin, who reflects on his life with schizoaffective disorder of the bipolar type: the hospitals and medication, the lost jobs and friends, the periods of mania and psychosis, the medication-induced tremor in his hands, etc. This book elevates the conversation around mental illness and challenges us to reexamine what we think we know about a world where one in a hundred people go mad. I learned a lot from this book and highly recommend it to anyone who wants to learn more about mental disorders. Here are some of my takeaways:
Some psychotic disorders become milder with age. Others are deteriorating, progressive conditions. Outcomes are difficult to predict.
The causes of severe psychiatric dysfunction are not thoroughly understood, but it is widely perceived that genes are not enough. Some additional event typically precipitates the full break. Trauma, substance abuse, and brain injury are common suspects.
It takes 7-8 years, on average, after initial onset of symptoms to get a diagnosis.
While brain abnormalities exist in some psychiatric patients, there are no consistent organic “signs” of madness, not any biological test for any psychiatric pathology.
“In between the positive exclamations of a psychotic disorder – bouts of delusion, mania, hallucinatory experience – are the dull murmurs of what we call negative symptoms, which generally include a blunt affect, social isolation, difficulty feeling pleasure, a lack of willpower, and poverty of speech.
“One of the greatest predictors of patient prognosis in the case of psychotic disorders is the degree of patient insight, which is to say, the degree to which the patient is aware of their disorder. If you cannot believe that you are ill, then you are unlikely to take your medication. If you do not take your medication, your condition will worsen. If your condition worsens, you are no more likely to take your medication or engage in the tedium of self-care.”
This reflection from the author stood out to me:
I am afraid of reaching a point where I do not want help, do not believe that I need help, where I run away from anyone who tries to help me, or worse, where I become so terrified or angry or violent that I hurt those people until they are not willing to help me anymore. I am afraid that one day I will become so sick that I reach the end of other people’s charity.
4 out of 5 stars – at times, this book was difficult to read and seemingly consisted of tangents and ramblings – however, this was likely due to periods of mania.
4 out of 5 stars
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
I read six books in October, two of which were short poetry books. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in October.
“Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World” is a Christian book written by Jennie Allen and is filled with stories, science-based insights, and practical ideas for building deep community. I had several takeaways from this book, but here are just a few.
5 out of 5 stars
“We’re all just kind of waiting for connection to find us. We’re waiting for someone else to initiate and be there for us. We’ve replaced intrusive, real conversations with small talk, and we’ve substituted soul-bearing, deep, connected living with texts and a night together every once in a while. Quit waiting for people to reach out to you. Start initiating and asking people the questions you wish they’d ask you.”
Factors to look for in friendships include availability, humility, proximity, transparency, consistency, accountability to others, and a shared purpose.
Some ideas for building friendships:
invite friends to bonfires
plan get togethers
intentional, active listening
affirm your friends
ask your friends about the highs and lows of their week
join a club
ask deep questions
listen
share the real stuff
“A Good Time for the Truth: Race in Minnesota” is a collection of stories of what it’s like to live as a person of color in Minnesota, was published by the Minnesota Historical Society Press, and was edited by Sun Yung Shin.
4 out of 5 stars
Here are some quotes that stood out to me:
“[People] unconsciously believe you are unfit to mother your own child simply because you are a Black woman.”
“Sometimes I catch myself staring at my son, wondering what he is going to do when someone gives him a piece of paper with boxes on it and asks him to check the box saying who he is – if he is going to pause before marking “Black.” As I do. Because Black is not a race.”
“To be a Korean adoptee in Minnesota is to be both hypervisible and invisible at the same time. It means that people can tell you they don’t see you as Korean as if that is a compliment.”
“If My Flowers Bloom” is a Button Poetry book of poems by Deshara Suggs-Joe, a queer, Black poet and visual artist. These poems were about desire, and many were sexual in nature. Honestly, this book was not one I enjoyed. I have included a snippet of my favorite poem from the book.
2 out of 5 stars
“ex traction” is a Button Poetry book of poems by Lara Coley, a San Francisco poet and educator who has taught creative writing and ESL in juvenile detention centers, schools, universities, and mental health treatment centers. Lara’s poems sharply dissect love relationships, and many are abuse and loving emotionally unavailable men.
4 out of 5 stars
Here are some snippets:
“How do you love so softly, so gently, so quietly, with your hand so tightly cradled around my throat?”
“We were lying on my bed and I asked him why, in our two years together, he’d never told me he loved me. He said he didn’t need to, that everyone knew. Een Jessica knows, he said. Well, good for her, I said. Good for Jessica.”
“She is wearing your affection like a coat, tailored to fit her. I remember stretching your love around my shoulders like a misshapen shovel that would never cover any parts of me that needed warmth.”
“Never Not Working: Why the Always-On Culture is Bad for Business – and How to Fix It” was written by Malissa Clark, associate professor of industrial-organizational psychology at the University of Georgia. Malissa is also a recognized expert on the topics of workaholism, overwork, burnout, and employee well-being. I highly recommend this book and will post about it in more detail sometime.
5 out of 5 stars
This book was filled with helpful information. This book covered signs of workaholic behavior, how to counteract workaholic behavior, the main components of workaholism, specific signals of workaholic culture within an organization, overwork assessments, and questions to ask after you get a job offer. Here are some of my many take-aways.
The most direct way to figure out what’s valued in a culture isn’t to listen to what people say is important. It’s to pay attention to who gets rewarded and promoted to leadership roles. Groups elevate people who represent their principles and advance their goals.
Here are some signs of workaholic behavior:
rumination – always thinking about work
overcommitment – always taking on too much and not knowing limits
busyness – always doing – unstructured time feels uncomfortable
perfectionism – nothing is ever good enough
poor delegation
poor scoping – underestimating how long it will take to do something
catastrophizing
3 questions to ask after you get a job offer to learn about the culture (courtesy of Work Life with Adam Grant):
Tell me about something that happens here that wouldn’t happen elsewhere.
Tell me about a time when people didn’t walk the talk here.
Tell me a story about who gets hired, promoted, and fired around here.
“All the Gold Stars: Reimagining Ambition and the Ways We Strive” was written by Rainesford Stauffer, an author, journalist, and speaker. This book contained a thoughtful exploration of ambition. Although this book contained several ramblings, there were some great takeaways.
4 out of 5 stars
So many modern ideas of ambition are rooted in work-related self-development, self-improvement, and career mobility, but ambition isn’t just about work. For those of us who feel that our performance at work – or our ambition – is the most valuable, worthiest, and most significant part of us, and thus, the most important part of our lives, we lose ourselves at the center of our stories.
Two primary sources of influence of our self-concept are our childhood experiences and our evaluation by others. Evaluation is ambition’s sidekick. Ambition is often registered as achievement.
Don’t let the world place limits on your ambition. Our efforts, time, imagination, and care can be oriented toward what matters to us most deeply in the face of a world that’s screaming to-do lists at us. Ambitions can be demonstrated in your hobbies, your values, how you care for yourself, your contributions to your community and causes, your friendships, etc.
Questions to ask yourself:
Think about your unrésuméd self – What are the things that actually fill you up that no one cares about, or you can’t put on your resume?
Who came up with this aspiration? Is it my idea or something random I thought I should aspire to?
What resources does it take to be ambitious about this, and is it worth it?
What does this ambition serve? It is me, a loved one, or something I care deeply about, or just an arbitrary marker of success?
How can the personal definitions we have of ambition expand?
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
I read three books in September 2024. School has been keeping me busy. Here is a brief synopsis of the books I read in September.
“Crossing Fifty-One: Not Quite A Memoir” was written by Debbie Russell, a retired Hennepin County Prosecutor. This book contained themes of family dynamics, building your own identity, addiction, and reducing the stigma associated with addiction.
Debbie’s grandfather suffered with asthma and admitted himself to a federal narcotic farm for his Demerol addiction, where he assisted in treating his fellow patients. In this memoir, Debbie shares insights into her family’s history through her conversations, research, and letters her grandfather wrote or received. Here are some quotes that stood out to me:
“Since most addicts have some sort of personality disorder, it follows that the basic attack on the problem of addiction is to prevent the development of such disorders. It is the current belief that most of these result from frustrated drives for security, recognition, and affection, particularly during childhood. Granting this, attention must be focused on preparing parents and prospective parents for their roles in shaping the personalities of their children.”
“It’s much harder to dig inside ourselves and try to figure out how we contribute to our own problems. It’s my current struggle. Every. Single. Day.”
“It takes amazing perspective to be able to think of a locked drug rehab facility as a ‘retreat.’ But maybe, compared to Papa’s struggles with addiction, the facility served as a haven.”
4 out of 5 stars
“We Came, We Saw, We Left: A Family Gap Year” was written by Charles Wheelan, a former correspondent for the Economist who teaches public policy ad economics at Dartmouth College. This book was an exhilarating and exciting read about the family gap year that consisted of 9 months, 6 continents, 3 teenagers, and 1 flesh-eating parasite. I learned about traveling minimally on a budget and about different destinations. Here are some takeaways:
Traveling around the world for nine months is cheaper than staying at home (if you rent out your house). The author spent less on food while traveling, didn’t have to pay for gas, and only needed storage insurance for his vehicles back home. The primary expense associated with traveling is forgone income. All-in, their budget was $60 per person per day. This was fascinating to me, although I don’t have a job that would allow me to take off for one year. To put it in perspective, according to the author, traveling around the world for nine months would only delay retirement by one year.
“Experiences, rather than things, are what make us happiest in the long run. Experiences become an ingrained part of our identity. Experiences connect us to the people with whom we share them, and experiences make up into the people we are. Even bad experiences morph into positives over time – like a funny story or a character-building experience.”
What are some lessons they learned?
The world is still an interesting place, and each country has its own feel and personality.
They are great teammates, and marriage is about picking a person you want at your side to help navigate whatever might come along, such as traveling on a low budget to bizarre places.
They learned that life goes on without you. They came back to a place that was pretty much the same as they had left it.
The greatest luxury is time – sleeping until refreshed, reading at any time of day, and wandering aimlessly.
There is serious environmental damage, such as air pollution in big cities and deforestation in less-developed areas.
It was really fun. Adventures turned out to be worthy of that anticipation, and many great moments were entirely circumstantial.
5 out of 5 stars
“Ultra-Processed People: The Science Behind Food That Isn’t Food” was a fascinating and alarming book written by Chris Van Tulleken, who has a medical degree from Oxford and a PhD in molecular virology. Chris is an associate professor at University College London and a practicing infection diseases doctor. Chris studied ultra-processed foods (UPF) and conducted an experiment. He stopped eating UPF for 4 weeks, then ate 80% UPF for 4 weeks. He had his weight, height, BMI, and body fat measured both before and after the experiment, and he gained 6 kilograms (about 13 pounds). His appetite hormones were deranged, he had a 5x increase in leptin (the hormone that comes from fat), and his C-reactive protein (a marker that indicates inflammation) had doubled!
I learned a lot from this book. Here are some of the main points:
If it’s wrapped in plastic and has at least one ingredient that you wouldn’t normally find in a standard home kitchen, it’s UPF. Almost every food that comes with a health claim on the packet is UPF. UPF is high in calories, fat, and sugar and low in fiber.
UPF displaces diverse whole foods from the diet, especially among low-income groups. It’s addictive. The emulsifiers, preservatives, modified starches, and other additives damage the microbiome. The convenience, price, and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought, which leads to more snacking, less chewing, faster eating, increased consumption, tooth decay, and other health issues.
There are over 10,000 additives used in food in the United States – flavors, flavor enhancers, colors, emulsifiers, artificial sweeteners, thickeners, humectants, stabilizers, acidity regulators, preservatives, antioxidants, foaming agents, anti-foaming agents, bulking agents, carbonating agents, gelling agents, glazing agents, chelating agents, bleaching agents, leavening agents, clarifying agents, etc. Over 1,000 of these were self-determined to be safe and are not FDA approved.
“Most UPF is not food. It’s an industrially produced edible substance.”
This book covered several UPF ingredients, foods they are found in, and the damaging effects of them. One of those that stood out most to me was xanthan gum, which is found in many gluten-free foods and flours. Xanthan gum is a bacterial exudate slime that bacteria produce to allow them to cling to surfaces. “Think of xanthan gum the next time you scrape the accumulated gunk from the filter on your dishwasher.” Or don’t!
4 out of 5 stars
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
I read seven books in August 2024 – the most I have read in one month since starting school this year. Here is a brief synopsis of the books I read in August, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.
“The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control” was written by Katherine Morgan Schafler, a psychotherapist, write, and speaker and former therapist at Google. I got SO much out of this book and my notes covered the review pages for 2 books instead of 1! This book explored types of perfectionists, lessons learned, and strategies of coping with perfectionism. I will most more about this book in the future, but for now, here are a few lessons:
I am mostly a classic perfectionist (and partially a Parisian perfectionist). I value structure, consistency, predictability, an understanding of all the options so as to make an informed decision, high standards, objectivity, and clarity through organization. I don’t like disorder, I have difficulty adjusting to schedule changes, and I tend to experience spontaneity as stressful. Itinerary-centered existence can rob classic perfectionists of the opportunity to grow in a way that wasn’t planned or goal-oriented.
Right now, with all the things you have yet to achieve, you are as worthy of all the love, joy, dignity, freedom, and connection as you would be had you already achieved them. You are worthy of all these things because you exist.
There are many raw manifestations of perfectionism:
emotional (want to experience a perfect emotional state)
cognitive (want to understand perfectly)
behavioral (want to behave perfectly in my roles and perform perfectly in my tasks)
object (want external thing, such as desk, hair, etc. to exist in a perfect state)
process (want process to begin, continue, and end perfectly)
5 out of 5 stars
“If my body could speak: poems” by Blythe Baird included poems mostly about rape and eating disorders. Here are some lines that stood out to me:
“If you develop an eating disorder when you are already thin to begin with, you go to the hospital. If you develop an eating disorder when you are not thin to begin with, you are a success story.”
“If your body could speak, would she forgive you?”
“One day after years of starving and gaining and fighting, I stepped on a scale and suddenly that number didn’t say anything about me…and that night nothing on my plate said anything about me either. Later, I got ice cream from a truck and I didn’t have to make myself earn it.”
“I found a way to heal through the poetry. The stage is the only place I could tell my story where it wasn’t a liability I was putting onto anyone. This stage is where i learned to stop hoarding my suffering.”
“Do not say you didn’t try. Remember: you did the best you could in the situation you were in with the materials you had.”
4 out of 5 stars
“Lessons Learned and Cherished: The Teacher Who Changed My Life” was compiled by Deborah Roberts, an award-winning ABC News journalist. This book was touching, although the stories seemed to have a specific format/agenda – nearly every essay mentioned that teachers are underpaid/underappreciated at the end of each essay.
Here are four of the lessons learned and cherished:
Every teacher has the potential to make a student feel connected, valued, and worthy. The greatest gift you can give is your full presence.
A difficult teacher can inspire you to persevere and believe in yourself. – Deborah Roberts
Teachers mean the world for a child’s development. Kids are not guaranteed a wonderful home base. Kids can be struggling with emotional distress or even violence, and their teachers can be the safe haven.
When a teacher believes in a student before they believe in themselves, they blossom. – Keri Shahidi
4 out of 5 stars
“Picturing Joy: Moments of Connection” was compiled by photographer George Lange. George’s work has appeared in many popular publications, and he has shot many of the iconic images from TV shows and ads for TV shows. This book was not quite what I expected. George shared stories of how he captured those moments. There were some great photos and interesting stories. Here are some takeaways from this book:
Photos are the artifacts of the experience a photographer creates. Photos reflect what he feels more than what he sees.
The role of a photographer is only to be hip enough to get in the room but not have to be the center of it. His approach is to create a space for people to reveal a part of themselves to him, and his intention is to find a way to put love out in the world.
“My time with subjects is often incredibly brief. A small window into a life I would never get to share without my camera.”
4 out of 5 stars
“To Hell With the Hustle” was written by Jefferson Bethke, the New York Times bestselling author of Jesus>Religion and It’s Not What You Think and host of The Real Life podcast. This book was not what I expected and seemed very scatterbrained, but there were some good takeaways. Here are some that resonated with me most.
When our work becomes who we are and we derive our ultimate value and meaning from it, it runs the risk of becoming our god – the thing we worship, bow down to, and become slaves of.
It’s time to stop and consider the cost of all this hustle, speed, and disillusionment. To hell with it – meaning we’re done and it comes from Hell. Jesus was never in a hurry. He was actively resisting cultural pressures on many levels. Hustle isn’t him.
Scripture doesn’t talk much about goals. It is focused on our identity and who we are becoming. Are we becoming more like Jesus by the practices and formations we are doing?
Have you ever noticed how a lot of Jesus’ miracles were not a part of his plan? They happened on his way somewhere else. You have to go at a pace that can be interrupted. That can be responsive to the moment in front of you.
The goal is “Well done, my good and faithful servant,” NOT “Well accomplished, my busy and hustled servant.” Well done. Faithful.If we want to get there, we have to actively resist the myriad voices and influences that subtly hypnotize us into a busier, noisier, more hustled lifestyle. Say no, that’s not the way of Jesus. That’s not the speed of Jesus. That’s not the cadence of Jesus. To hell with the hustle. I’ll take him instead.
4 out of 5 stars
“The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness” was written by Robert Waldinger, MD and Marc Schulz, PhD. Robert Waldinger, MD is a professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. Marc Schulz, PhD is the associate director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and a practicing therapist.
The Harvard Study of Adult Devlopment has followed the lives of two generations of individuals from the same families for more than 80 years – asking thousands of questions and taking hundreds of measurements to find out what really keeps people healthy and happy. I will post more about this book in the future, but for now, here are some lessons:
The good life is not a destination. It is the path itself and the people who are walking it with you.
Good relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer.
An investment in our social fitness isn’t only an investment in our lives as they are now. It is an investment that will affect everything about how we live in the future. Like a tree needs water, relationships are living things and need attention and maintenance.
Curiosity goes a long way in relationships. It opens up avenues of conversation and knowledge and helps others feel understood and appreciated.
5 out of 5 stars
“Calling A Wolf A Wolf” consisted of poems by Kaveh Akbar. To be honest, I didn’t really like this collection. The format of the poems bothered me, and the phrases were scattered with no punctuation. Here is an example:
There were many poems about alcoholism, but the language didn’t make sense to me. Here are a few lines I liked:
What Seems Like Joy – “My father believed in gardens – delighting at burying each thing in its potential for growth. Some years the soil was so hard the water seeped down slower than the green seeped up. Still he’d say if you’re not happy in your own yard you won’t be happy anywhere.”
Portrait of the alcoholic floating in space with severed umbilicus – “I always hoped that when I died I would know why. My brother will be so sad he will tell his daughter I was better than I was. He will leave out my cruel drunk nights the wet mattresses my driving alone into cornfields unsure whether I’d drive out.”
“Now I listen for the sighs of people who love me, each agitation I create a reminder that I am less than constant in my grace.”
2 out of 5 stars
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
I read three books in July 2024 – the fewest I have read in years. School kept me very occupied in July. Here is a brief synopsis of the three books I read in July, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.
“A Thousand Naked Strangers: A Paramedic’s Wild Ride to the Edge and Back” was written by Kevin Hazzard, who worked as a paramedic from 2004-2013. This book was fascinating and, as one reviewer put it, “gives us a deep, intimate portrait of the toll it takes to every day witness our most vulnerable moments.” Here are a handful of anecdotes that stood out to me:
In some areas, the education of an EMT – one of two people sent to save your life should the worst happen – is an eight-month certificate program. Medics/paramedics undergo an additional 18 months of training.
Memorable quotes:
“Anyone i need of extra cash, who’s been fired, or who is fresh out of jail or rehab can walk through First Med’s squeaky front door and find a spot on an ambulance.”
“This uniform conveys knowledge . . . the feeling is electric, being an insider, knowing that should anything happen, I’ll be the one called out to fix it.” “Medics don’t have to be heroic or tough or even good people. They simply have to enjoy the madness. Aside from a driver’s license and a high school diploma, that’s what this job takes.”
Sometimes the author felt like a Peeping Tom. “I want to explain that I’m here to have fun, to watch. A tourist . . . All of this is real. Except me. I’ve been sleepwalking through someone else’s life.”
“There will always be another dead body, another fetid roach-infested house. We will never escape the smells, the fluids, the unwashable ick of people deep in the throes of a communicable disease.” “I’ve slipped a hand under her head to check for head shots when her eyes pop open. I let go. Her eyes close. I press again. Her eyes open. There’s a firefighter riding with us, and we look at each other as it becomes clear: my finger has slipped through a bullet hole and into her skull, and whatever I’m poking in there is making her eyes open and close.“
4 out of 5 stars
“What’s Eating Us: Women, Food, and the Epidemic of Body Anxiety” was written by Cole Kazdin, a writer, performer, and four-time Emmy Award-winning television journalist. This was an educational, informative book that contained personal stories. Kirkus Reviews sums it up perfectly: “As much a personal story as an examination of body anxiety. Kazdin’s painful honesty is leavened with humor and irony.” I learned so much from this book and highly recommend it to anyone who may be struggling with their body image or may be dieting. I will post about this book in greater detail sometime, but for now, here are a handful of tidbits:
Thinking of foods as good or bad triggers eating disorders and disordered eating. An important part of developing a healthy relationship with food involves not demonizing or 100% eliminating any one food. Dieting is the most important predictor of developing an eating disorder. Nearly 30 million people in the United States suffer from eating disorders.
Failure is the business model for the weight loss industry, and companies rely on repeat customers who return after gaining back lost weight. The only way they can have repeat customers is if their product doesn’t work.
Most standard eating disorder treatments are behavioral therapy-based, focusing on changing behaviors rather than what underlies those behaviors. Chances are high that the root of the disorder will never be explored – thoughts and emotions linger long after treatment is over.
Author’s recommended questionnaire: Am I bingeing, making myself throw up, or using diuretics, including but not limited to any product with the word “detox” in the title? Am I restricting my food intake or eliminating a food in order to lose weight? Am I on any type of diet (Keto, Paleo, Weight Watchers, etc.)? Does exercise or food restriction dominate my life?
Various definitions of recovery: no more harmful behaviors, no dieting or wanting to go on a diet, a healthy relationship with movement, not being obsessed with food or your body, not thinking your body is something to fix or change
4 out of 5 stars
“The Courage of Compassion: A Journey from Judgment to Connection” was written by Robin Steinberg, founder of the Bail Project. Robin spent thirty-five years as a public defender. I read this book to learn more about other perspectives – “the other side.” This book was intriguing and helpful, and some of the stories within it were shocking. Here are several takeaways:
“What if your entire life were defined by the worst thing you ever did? And if we don’t want that for ourselves, then how can we do that to others?” We are all the products of a context and so much more than the sum of our mistakes. Compassion means to suffer together with another. Compassion begins when we accept that we are more than our own worst moment. It is an important lesson you understand when you love individuals who are deeply flawed or when you yourself have been judged on the basis of a single act.
According to the book, nearly 2/3 of people in jail on any given night are not even serving sentences. They are behind bars awaiting trial, mainly because they cannot afford cash bail. Further, according to the book, “the overwhelming majority of Americans who are booked into jails every year are dealing with issues of drug addiction, mental illness, and crushing poverty. We cannot incarcerate our way out of these social ills.”
“Years as a public defender had taught me that people don’t wake up one day and decide to commit horrendous violence. There is always a context, a history, experiences that pave the path to doing the unthinkable.”
“How can you defend ‘those people’?” – author’s response is the fundamental importance of the right to counsel, presumption of innocence, and genuine curiosity about how a person arrived at the present moment and the forces and events that shaped their circumstances. “Before you, there is a person whose entire life, worth, and character are being judged by prosecutors, judges, and society through the myopic lens of a single act. As a public defender, you must push past that paradigm and replace judgment with curiosity.”
The author believes three traits define most public defenders:
You love and have loved deeply flawed individuals, perhaps to your own detriment. We are the sum of our stories and new stories can always be written.
You have a healthy dose of mistrust for authority. You believe authority must be earned.
You were once probably idealistic about change and ready for the revolution.
4 out of 5 stars
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
