September 2025 Reads

October 16, 2025 amybenoit

I read 4 books in September. I really enjoyed the books I read, and I gave 3 out of the 4 5-star ratings! Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in September.

“Open When: A Companion for Life’s Twists and Turns” was written by Dr. Julie Smith, who has over 10 years of experience as a clinic psychologist and is one of TikTok’s top 100 creators. You can find Dr. Julie on Instagram/TikTok/Youtube at drjulie. This book covered advice for navigating anger, setting boundaries, comparison, confidence, friendships, parenting, arguing, seeking help, overwhelm, priorities, grief, apologies, and much more. Here are some of the many insights that resonated with me.

Whether it’s the good news or the bad, if you have to keep parts of your life under wraps to fit in, that’s not a friendship that is going to nourish and bring out the best in you. Search for acceptance and belonging in the right places. Consider: Is this a place I truly want to belong? Would being recognized as part of this group be a positive in my life? How much of myself, my beliefs, or my values would I be expected to change in order to be accepted? Is that okay with me?

Comparison can lead to constructive forward motion and be a good thing. If it leads to envy, resentment, bitterness, and a loss of self-worth, then we are getting it all wrong, and both our efforts and our attention have been misplaced. Questions to ask yourself: What do I feel envious of specifically? What specific skills do they have that I would like to have also? Would learning those skills help me with achieving my own goals? How did they get there? Can I imitate any of that process to help me get closer to my personal goals?

Confidence is the bus that never arrives while you sit waiting. It usually makes an appearance after you have decided to walk and you’re almost at your destination. So get to work on making some progress, and the bus will likely arrive once you’re a little way down the road.

I highly recommend this book!

5 out of 5 stars

“The Cure for Burnout” was written by Emily Ballesteros, who has a burnout management coaching business. This book outlines five areas in which you can build healthy habits to combat burnout: mindset, personal care, time management, boundaries, and stress management. I learned so much from this book. Here is just a snippet.

Burnout is a state of exhaustion, stress, or misalignment with the direction your life is heading in for an extended period of time. Tangibly, burnout will consume your calendar, sabotage your relationships, and harm your physical health. Intangibly, it will steal the best years of your life while you have your head down in survival mode. It will destroy your mental health and cause exhaustion and possibly depression.
There are three kinds of burnout, and people can suffer from more than one type:
- burnout by volume – burnout as a result of a high volume of responsibilities, a compact schedule, and very little downtime
- social burnout – burnout as a result of interpersonal demands that exceed your available social resources – these people become the person everyone confides in, vents to, or asks for favors because they are pleasant and reliable
- burnout by boredom – burnout as a result of chronic disengagement and disinterest in the items in your life

Think of personal care as the equivalent of getting gas on a road trip: there is never a convenient time to stop. The personal care pillar mandates that we go out of our way, stop to refuel, and sacrifice the time we could spend “productively” on something else.

Think of your minimum non-negotiables – getting a minimum amount of sleep, eating food at certain intervals, getting movement, having alone time, etc.
To manage stress, pause/postpone projects that you’ve loved but are currently bringing more stress than joy, simplify projects, delegate/outsource tasks, and quit doing unnecessary tasks.
Set boundaries. What boundaries might help reinforce the changes you want to make?

This book was packed with information, and I highly recommend it!

5 out of 5 stars

“The Note” was written by Alafair Burke, an Edgar-nominated New York Times bestselling author of fifteen novels of suspense and professor of Criminal Law. The main storyline of this book is that a vacation in the Hamptons went terribly wrong for three friends with a complicated history. A prank involving a mysterious note led to a missing tourist and a police investigation, unraveling layers of secrets and betrayals. I don’t typically read fiction books, and I won’t spoil this one. Overall, it was an interesting changeup from the books I typically read. This book kept me interested, but it contained overloaded themes of cancel culture, racism, anti-Asian hate, true crime obsession, and more. It seemed that the author wanted to mention many different issues in the book.

4 out of 5 stars

“Build the Life You Want” was written by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey. Arthur C. Brooks is a professor at Harvard Business School and teaches courses on happiness and is also an acclaimed author and speaker. Oprah Winfrey is a global media leader and public figure. This book covered the four big happiness pillars: family, friendships, work, and faith. Here are some of my many takeaways:

Ask yourself the good questions: What does living well mean – for me, not according to someone else’s model – and how do I do it? What is genuinely worth striving for? What can I offer, and how can I serve? What lessons can I glean from my experiences, especially the toughest ones? How do I make the best use of my limited time on this earth?
Stop caring what others think. “We all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinions than our own.” “Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner.”
The key to finding meaningful work is to feel a sense of accomplishment and to believe that your job is making the world a better place. Look for a fundamental match between an employer’s values and your own. At the same time, put some space between your job and your life, and make friends and spend time with people who have no connection to your work.

Our impulses, amplified by the consumer economy, entertainment, and social media push us to spend our time idolizing money, power, pleasure, and prestige. These idols all stand in the way of enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose. They substitute pleasure for enjoyment, make satisfaction harder to attain and keep, and focus us on things that are trivial and not meaningful. The four idols are distractions to numb us to emotional circumstances we dislike and feel we can’t control.

I highly recommend this book for those interested in learning more about finding happiness in family, friendships, work, and faith.

5 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – December 12, 2024

December 12, 2024December 12, 2024 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Mental Performance Daily – Culture Killers

BCD – blaming, complaining, and getting defensive – transfer of accountability and responsibility
Be accountable, responsible, and coachable.
Another culture killer – me over we mentality – put team over yourself. When the team has success, you have success. When the team gets noticed, you get noticed. Don’t be an energy sucker.
Put we over me and eliminate BCD

TED Talks Daily – Why you think you look bad in photos

You’ve been looking at a reflection of yourself your whole life – looking in a mirror. Your brain gets a clear idea of what you look like. When you’re seeing a photograph, you’re seeing the reverse. Most of us are not symmetrical in our facial attributes.
- Overcome this by looking at yourself in photos more.
You may not resonate with how you are being portrayed. Not everyone feels confident in photos.
- Get curious and ask yourself what you’re struggling to accept about the image and whether it has anything to do with how you are being portrayed. Looking bad in photos has less to do with how you look and more to do with how you think.

You’ve taught yourself to hyper fixate on your insecurities.
- Focus instead on who you were with, what you were doing, and how you were feeling the moment the photo you were taken. When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
We’ve put unrealistic expectations on photography and our bodies. Disappointment is the gap that exists between expectation and reality. Photography’s only job is to capture a fraction of a second, but we’ve made these fractions of a second create a big narrative – such as I look bad in photos – that prevent us from showing up and being present in our lives.

We’ve decided certain angles are better than others.
- Accomplishments, achievements, love, passion, creativity, and brilliance don’t change between photos. Your children, pets, and grandchildren see you at your worst angles and don’t love you any less or care about you any less. You are worthy of being photographed.
- We put pressure on how we are going to show up in photographs, and this pressure prevents a lot of us from showing up in photographs with and for the people we love the most.

Hidden Brain – The Secret to Gift Giving

Obligations are probably the single biggest reason that gifts are given in the first place, whether it’s for Christmas, a birthday, an anniversary, or a graduation. When you get a gift, it feels like you have to return that gesture at an appropriate moment – whether it’s at that moment, the next birthday, etc.
Recipients are often focused on the experience of the gift over the ownership of the gift. When you receive something, in the moment it might make you happy, but does it actually provide you value and utility and joy for the duration of owning whatever it is that you’ve received? Sometimes the things that bring you happiness in the moment are not the things that bring you happiness in the long-term.
The surprise is something that gift givers think is critical to a recipient. When I give you a gift, I have this belief that you will only value that gift if you don’t expect receiving it. That is simply not true.

A lot of people imagine that the reason gifts are exchanged is because we’re trying to make other people happy. But there are also selfish reasons for giving a gift, such as signaling who you are as a person and as a gift giver and signaling that you’re a creative gift giver. Sometimes people who think they’re creative make sure that the choices of gifts are creative even at the expense of the recipient. Ex: not giving the same gift to the same person another year and not giving the same gift to someone else
The cost of a gift is not nearly as predictive in terms of happiness of the recipient as people tend to think.
The research is pretty clear that recipients do not value socially conscious gifts as much as givers hope they would. Ex: charity donation, planting a tree, etc.

Idea: family spreadsheet – “Whenever one of us has a desire for an item of some sort that exceeds some minimum expense, we put it on there as a potential gift that we would love to receive at some point. And what’s nice about that is when it’s time to fulfill my obligation, I’m not racking my brain trying to figure out what would make her happy. It still maintains an element of surprise in the form of the timing of the object itself. She might know that she wants item X, but she’s not going to know that I’m going to give it to her at a specific time.”

Receiver is overjoyed when they get exactly what they want
Experiential gifts – less of a wow factor upon opening, but providing a very valuable experience down the road
Recommendation: if you’re going to give a gift, do it on a random day. The value that people get when they receive gifts on non-occasions is so much higher because they have no expectations.

I appreciated this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/the-next-episode

The Next Episode

December 6, 2024

We don’t have it. That’s what makes our lives different from the all the things we stream.

In streamer land we can always find out what’s next, we know the episode schedule, we have behind the scenes, we can binge it in two days and find out the end, or we can look up the end right now.

That’s why we’re drawn to movies and tv and podcasts and stories…because we long for a complete story where it all makes sense and the loose ends are perfectly tied.

But in real life we don’t have the next episode and we certainly don’t know the season finale. We’re living it.

I enjoyed this post from Seth’s Blog this week:

What if they’re right?

What if they’re right?

We spend a lot of time in our own heads, certain that our path and our method make sense. We often become more certain in the face of criticism or even suggestions.

This confidence is essential, as it allows us to lean into our project.

Once in a while, though, it might help to model the alternative. What if they’re right? How would that play out? If they’re right, what could I do with that insight?

If it’s helpful, run with it.

We can always go back to being right tomorrow.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – November 14, 2024

November 14, 2024 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Self-Growth Nerds – 5 Most Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself

What do I make ___ mean about myself? Ex: rejection – “I make it mean that I will never find someone because I am deeply flawed.” I make it mean . . . creates distance between you and your thoughts. You get to be the observer of your thoughts.
What else could it mean/what else could be true? This opens your mind to other possibilities that you might not have considered because you are so focused on the one that is making you suffer.

What would ___ say? What would someone I look up to say? What would my most loving and confident friend say?
So what? Dedramatize the situation you’re in.
Who would you be without that thought? The thought you are so attached to is a choice. Someone else with a different background might not have that thought.

TED Health – A Healthier You: A 5-step guide to better doctor visits

Prepare for the appointments. Write down questions or concerns to ask your doctor about.
Be real with your doctor, even if it feels awkward. Tell them the whole story. Tell them exactly how pain or illnesses or medical procedures affect your day-to-day life.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions or even get a second or third opinion. Clarifying things is necessary.
Bring a trusted person to your appointments if you can. Take detailed notes that you can review later.
Don’t be afraid to follow up. Be persistent. Push for answers or referrals to specialists. You’re never a burden for asking questions or pushing for better care. Follow up until you get the care that you deserve.
What’s one step that you can take today to be a better advocate for your own health? Maybe it’s scheduling an appointment you’ve been putting off, writing down questions for your next appointment, or following up and requesting a referral to a specialist.

NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – Are You Spending Like Your Generational Peers?

BLS data – Baby Boomers spend 95% of annual income after taxes, Gen Z spends 93% of annual income after taxes, Millennials spend 83%, and Gen X spends 84%.
Millennials and Gen X are spending close to 15% of total expenses on retirement. Gen Z are spending close to 12% on retirement. These are averages!

Food accounts for 12-13% of expenditures among all generations.
Groceries account for 7% of all spending and takeout takes up 6% of spending
Gen Z spend on average 4% on healthcare expenses.
The highest-earning generation spends the most money on transportation (car, flights, public transit). Gen X spent $17,000 on average in 2023 compared to $10,000 for Gen Z.

Are you spending and saving like your generational peers? Or are you doing better or worse?

New tax brackets for 2025 + new standard deductions

Fit, Healthy, & Happy Podcast – Fitness & Health Habits to Break

Pre-workout – too much caffeine. Don’t drink more than 500 mg per day. You shouldn’t need pre-workout every day. Analyze your consumption and don’t rely on pre-workout. Are you getting enough sleep?
Over-reliance on warms ups/needing certain machines/shoes/equipment – some people are so particular and don’t deviate from warmup routines, an Apple Watch, etc.
All or nothing mentality (weekends especially) – it won’t always be a perfect day to work out and you won’t have as much time as you’d like to but move your body anyway.
Demonizing foods – restriction causes cravings. Don’t put labels on foods. Moderation is the key to success. 80/20 clean eating

Neglecting sleep/recovery – cut off caffeine consumption by 12 p.m. Prioritize sleep and recovery.
Crutching protein and protein supplements – focus on whole food sources for protein.
Lifting with bad form – have a season where you really focus on perfecting your form.
Treating it as a chore and not having much to look forward to – if you view working out as a chore, you won’t push yourself or make progress. Find something to look forward to and set goals you want to hit. When you see results or progress, working out is more exciting. Update your routine or goals or try a new challenge.

Only allowing yourself to see results or having no social life – have a balance of working out and a social life. Fitness and health need to be integrated within your life. Have some flexibility with your fitness to have a social life.
Refusing to change your mind/update your beliefs – you need to try new things, update your beliefs, and have the capacity to change your mind. Ex: you can have carbs and still be in shape.

I enjoyed this post from Seth’s blog this week:

The problem with the movie version

“The problem with the movie version

There are lights, camera and action, but mostly there’s the unreality of making it fit.

Happily ever after, a climax at just the right moment, perfect heroes, tension, resolution and a swelling soundtrack. Every element is amplified and things happen right on schedule.

Consume enough media and we may come to believe that our life is carefully scripted, and that we’re stars of a movie someone else is directing.

This distracts us from the truth that real life is more muddled and less scripted. There is no soundtrack. We’re actually signed up for a journey and a slog. Nothing happens ever after. It’ll change, often in a way we don’t expect.

We have no choice but to condense a story when we want to film it. Our real story, on the other hand, cannot be condensed, it can only be lived. Day by day.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

October 2024 Reads

November 7, 2024November 7, 2024 amybenoit

I read six books in October, two of which were short poetry books. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in October.

“Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World” is a Christian book written by Jennie Allen and is filled with stories, science-based insights, and practical ideas for building deep community. I had several takeaways from this book, but here are just a few.

5 out of 5 stars

“We’re all just kind of waiting for connection to find us. We’re waiting for someone else to initiate and be there for us. We’ve replaced intrusive, real conversations with small talk, and we’ve substituted soul-bearing, deep, connected living with texts and a night together every once in a while. Quit waiting for people to reach out to you. Start initiating and asking people the questions you wish they’d ask you.”

Factors to look for in friendships include availability, humility, proximity, transparency, consistency, accountability to others, and a shared purpose.

Some ideas for building friendships:

invite friends to bonfires
plan get togethers
intentional, active listening
affirm your friends
ask your friends about the highs and lows of their week
join a club
ask deep questions
listen
share the real stuff

“A Good Time for the Truth: Race in Minnesota” is a collection of stories of what it’s like to live as a person of color in Minnesota, was published by the Minnesota Historical Society Press, and was edited by Sun Yung Shin.

4 out of 5 stars

Here are some quotes that stood out to me:

“[People] unconsciously believe you are unfit to mother your own child simply because you are a Black woman.”

“Sometimes I catch myself staring at my son, wondering what he is going to do when someone gives him a piece of paper with boxes on it and asks him to check the box saying who he is – if he is going to pause before marking “Black.” As I do. Because Black is not a race.”

“To be a Korean adoptee in Minnesota is to be both hypervisible and invisible at the same time. It means that people can tell you they don’t see you as Korean as if that is a compliment.”

“If My Flowers Bloom” is a Button Poetry book of poems by Deshara Suggs-Joe, a queer, Black poet and visual artist. These poems were about desire, and many were sexual in nature. Honestly, this book was not one I enjoyed. I have included a snippet of my favorite poem from the book.

2 out of 5 stars

“ex traction” is a Button Poetry book of poems by Lara Coley, a San Francisco poet and educator who has taught creative writing and ESL in juvenile detention centers, schools, universities, and mental health treatment centers. Lara’s poems sharply dissect love relationships, and many are abuse and loving emotionally unavailable men.

4 out of 5 stars

Here are some snippets:

“How do you love so softly, so gently, so quietly, with your hand so tightly cradled around my throat?”

“We were lying on my bed and I asked him why, in our two years together, he’d never told me he loved me. He said he didn’t need to, that everyone knew. Een Jessica knows, he said. Well, good for her, I said. Good for Jessica.”

“She is wearing your affection like a coat, tailored to fit her. I remember stretching your love around my shoulders like a misshapen shovel that would never cover any parts of me that needed warmth.”

“Never Not Working: Why the Always-On Culture is Bad for Business – and How to Fix It” was written by Malissa Clark, associate professor of industrial-organizational psychology at the University of Georgia. Malissa is also a recognized expert on the topics of workaholism, overwork, burnout, and employee well-being. I highly recommend this book and will post about it in more detail sometime.

5 out of 5 stars

This book was filled with helpful information. This book covered signs of workaholic behavior, how to counteract workaholic behavior, the main components of workaholism, specific signals of workaholic culture within an organization, overwork assessments, and questions to ask after you get a job offer. Here are some of my many take-aways.

The most direct way to figure out what’s valued in a culture isn’t to listen to what people say is important. It’s to pay attention to who gets rewarded and promoted to leadership roles. Groups elevate people who represent their principles and advance their goals.

Here are some signs of workaholic behavior:

rumination – always thinking about work

overcommitment – always taking on too much and not knowing limits

busyness – always doing – unstructured time feels uncomfortable

perfectionism – nothing is ever good enough

poor delegation

poor scoping – underestimating how long it will take to do something

catastrophizing

3 questions to ask after you get a job offer to learn about the culture (courtesy of Work Life with Adam Grant):

Tell me about something that happens here that wouldn’t happen elsewhere.

Tell me about a time when people didn’t walk the talk here.

Tell me a story about who gets hired, promoted, and fired around here.

“All the Gold Stars: Reimagining Ambition and the Ways We Strive” was written by Rainesford Stauffer, an author, journalist, and speaker. This book contained a thoughtful exploration of ambition. Although this book contained several ramblings, there were some great takeaways.

4 out of 5 stars

So many modern ideas of ambition are rooted in work-related self-development, self-improvement, and career mobility, but ambition isn’t just about work. For those of us who feel that our performance at work – or our ambition – is the most valuable, worthiest, and most significant part of us, and thus, the most important part of our lives, we lose ourselves at the center of our stories.

Two primary sources of influence of our self-concept are our childhood experiences and our evaluation by others. Evaluation is ambition’s sidekick. Ambition is often registered as achievement.

Don’t let the world place limits on your ambition. Our efforts, time, imagination, and care can be oriented toward what matters to us most deeply in the face of a world that’s screaming to-do lists at us. Ambitions can be demonstrated in your hobbies, your values, how you care for yourself, your contributions to your community and causes, your friendships, etc.

Questions to ask yourself:

Think about your unrésuméd self – What are the things that actually fill you up that no one cares about, or you can’t put on your resume?

Who came up with this aspiration? Is it my idea or something random I thought I should aspire to?

What resources does it take to be ambitious about this, and is it worth it?

What does this ambition serve? It is me, a loved one, or something I care deeply about, or just an arbitrary marker of success?

How can the personal definitions we have of ambition expand?

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – March 21, 2024

March 21, 2024 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

TED Business – A simple way to inspire your team – David Burkus

Most leaders and organizations try to drive the point of why we do what we do. They look to their mission statement and send it out in e-mails, print it on posters, and put it on a company website that no one visits.
Most people are less inspired by a compelling answer to “Why?” and more motivated by a clear answer to the question “Who? Who is served by the work that we do?” If I asked you to think of a time when you felt highly engaged and inspired at work, you would probably think of the last time you felt your work was important to someone else – the last time a client thanked you or expressed appreciation.

Ex: call centers soliciting donations – some of the workers got to meet with a student who had received scholarship funds raised by that call center and got to hear how receiving those funds made a positive impact on them. They got to meet the answer to their question, “Who is served by the work that we do?” When the researchers followed up a month later, they made double the number of calls per hour and solicited 5x the amount of donations. Pro-social motivation – the desire to protect and promote the well-being of others

If you think about the people your work positively impacts, you will be more motivated in your work. Who is served by the work that we do?
If you are in a leadership role, part of your job is to become the chief storytelling officer – always ready to tell the story of the client, coworker, or community member whose life is made better by the work your team does. If you aren’t in a leadership role, you can still motivate yourself and other people by capturing every instance you hear of someone who is served by the work you are doing and every thank you that you get for any time you or anyone else needs a positive story about how the work that we are doing matters. Help them find the answer to the question “Who?”

During part of the COVID-19 pandemic, I was a part-time Shipt shopper. I fulfilled Target orders by shopping and delivering them directly to customers within a 15-mile radius, communicated with the customers regarding order status, out of stock items, recommended substitutions, and preferences throughout the process, and used self-check-out to ring up and bag orders. This gig was very satisfying, especially when I focused on how I was serving others – people who had just become parents, elderly people who don’t drive, people who were more susceptible to getting COVID-19, etc. I often received feedback about my communication, expertise in picking out produce and bagging items, and about how much of an impact this had on them.

Instead of asking “Why do I do this?” ask “Who am I serving?”

The Unf*ck Your Fitness Podcast – 6 Tips to Keep You Going on Your Fitness Journey When Life Gets Tough

Expect that life is going to get hard. There is going to be a time when you don’t feel like working out. How are you going to plan for those disasters? You don’t need to be perfect, but you do need to be consistent overall.
You need to look at your workouts as “I get to work out” instead of “I have to work out.”
You need to have habits and a routine in place. If it’s not a part of your life, you will be quick to decide that it’s not important. It needs to be just as much of a routine as brushing your teeth.

It’s not optional. Once you commit to a healthy lifestyle and workout program, it isn’t optional. When life gets hard, the last thing you should do is quit on yourself. When life gets out of control, you need to control what you can! You can control what you eat, what you drink, and how much you work out.
Have a plan. When you’re following a plan, you can pick up where you left off without feeling lost.
Have some accountability. Having someone encourage you and maybe work out with you is so important.

The Jordan Harbinger Show – Timeshares – Skeptical Sunday

Timeshares are a $10.5 billion industry and there are over 1,500 timeshare resorts. Over 10 million households in the U.S. own one or more timeshares.
Over half of timeshare owners are GenZ or millennials. The average age of a timeshare owner is 39 years old.
63% of timeshare owners have a four-year college degree.

A timeshare is basically owning a vacation. You are committing to paying an annual fee to go on a trip at the same resort for the rest of your life.

3 models

Fixed term: buying the right to exclusively use the property in the same place during the same week every year
Floating: more flexibility – you and others need to figure out when you get to use it each year. Everyone usually wants the exact same weeks.
Points-based: variety – get to pick a different location each time if you want to. Highly desired destinations cost more points

Why would people choose to get a timeshare instead of going on vacation whenever they want wherever they want? For some, it involves less decision fatigue and planning because you’re super limited in where and when you can go. Some large companies, such as Disney, Hilton, and Marriott are more vetted and care about their brand.

NEGATIVES:

Maintenance fees ($1,000 average/yr that can increase each year) – generally also costs $24k to pay for timeshare up front – many people take out a loan from the timeshare developer that carries an interest rate of 6-17%!
Points-system – points are devalued over time and people have difficulty finding a booking that fits their needs
The companies try to sell you the idea that if you don’t want your timeshare anymore, you can get out of it by selling it. The problem is that nobody wants it.
It is hard to get out of the contracts. Law firms specialize in getting people out of timeshares.

Overall, the true cost of the timeshare and maintenance fees is not a deal for most people. The selection of destinations is limited. As opposed to timeshares, planning an individual vacation allows you to choose your destination, dates, and allows you to pick your lodging based on the location of other things.

This post from Seth’s Blog resonated with me this week:

Willfully uninformed

Willfully uninformed

“Access to information used to be scarce. We ranked college libraries on how many books they had, and time at the microfilm reader was booked in advance.

Today, if there’s something I don’t know, it’s almost certainly because I haven’t cared enough to find out.

I don’t understand molecular biology, the history of Sardinia or much of agronomy–but that’s my choice. Now that information is widely and freely available, our sense of agency around knowledge needs to change.

It pays to acknowledge that this is a choice, and to be responsible for it. What else have we chosen not to know?”

Self Improvement Daily – You’re Living What Used To Be Your Goal

You might not even realize it, but there’s something about your life right now that used to be your goal or dream. Maybe you bought a house, moved to a new city, got married, landed that job, completed that project, ran that race, or brought that event to life.

Maybe it doesn’t feel like it. We often don’t see all of the life milestones we’ve reached because we’re focused on new goals, new aspirations, and new dreams. Rather than measuring our progress from who we used to be and where we are today, we often measure the difference between where we are now and where we want to go.

You’re living what used to be a goal of yours. When we acknowledge how far we’ve come, we remind ourselves that we have what it takes to keep on going.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – January 18, 2024

January 18, 2024 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Psych2Go – 11 Things You Should Say “NO” To

Toxic people – toxicity breeds negativity
People who make you feel unsafe –you have the right to feel safe and not on edge
People who disregard your emotional wellbeing and feelings –you deserve to have the freedom to express your feelings
Situations that make you feel unwanted –you are worthy
Negative self-talk –be reflective rather than critical
Comparing yourself to other people –everyone is different and unique, and everyone has their own flaws, abilities, and strengths
Bad partners –you have no obligation to stay in a relationship
Resisting growth and healing –you are your own masterpiece, and you can own every aspect of who you are
Needless waiting –you can’t recover your wasted time.
Letting other people’s opinions determining your worth –people will always have an opinion of you. Opinions are not facts.
Shrinking yourself to fit in –you’re missing out on the opportunities to grow and reach your greatest potential

Say no to the things that aren’t serving you so that you’ll be saying yes to a clear mind and happier life surrounded by more love and light.

Optimal Relationships Daily – Learning Better Marriage Communication Tools

Take more couple time alone – uninterrupted time for just the two of you.
Manage your own irritability and stress. Take care of your health and get adequate sleep.
Use your everyday life to reduce stress. Tune in as your partner talks about their day:
- frustrations and irritations
- the things they are proud of
- the unpredictable events or people in our lives

Couples learn, over time:
- They learned the cast of characters in each other’s lives.
- They learned more about the worries and pressures each faced.
- They offered no advice, criticism, solutions, or suggestions.
- Instead, they offered a supportive listening ear, true friendship and empathy, and support and validation.

Ask for an ally, not a problem-solver.
Use touch to effectively communicate. Actions speak louder than words. Show you care.
Tune in to dreams, hopes, and aspirations. As you learn your partner’s dreams, hopes, and aspirations, both of you will feel more connected.

Life Kit – Popular myths about sleep, debunked

Myth: it doesn’t matter what time of day you sleep.
- Truth: It does matter. Your circadian rhythm is influenced by natural sunlight in your environment. We need to get exposure to natural sunlight. Blackout curtains and wearing sunglasses on the way home in the morning (shift work) can help your circadian rhythm if you are a shift worker.
Myth: Being able to fall asleep any time, anywhere, is a good thing.
- Truth: It takes a well-rested, healthy person 15-20 minutes or longer to fall asleep. Being able to fall asleep right away generally means you aren’t getting enough sleep.

Myth: One night of sleep deprivation will have lasting negative effects.
- Truth: One night of sleep deprivation can happen from time to time and is normal. Try to get back on track as fast as possible.
Myth: Many adults only need 5 hours of sleep or less per night for general health.
- Truth: Not getting enough sleep can result in compensatory naps. Sleeping for 7-9 hours each night is best for optimal health and well-being – improved heart health, longevity, brain health, etc.

The best way to get into the recommended range is to start adding 15 minutes to your overall sleep routine and add more sleep time as needed until you wake up feeling refreshed and have energy through the day without reaching for coffee or energy drinks.
Watching tv is not recommended before bed. Reduce screen time.
Make sure your bedroom is under 70 degrees when sleeping. Increasing temperatures results in more nightmares and more tossing and turning.

Myth: Exercising within four hours of bedtime will disturb your sleep.
- Truth: Data does not back this up. Exercising can result in better sleep. Exercise releases endorphins, which are mood elevators and can help with the number one cause of sleep difficulties, which is stress.

https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5saWJzeW4uY29tLzEyNzUzOC9yc3M/episode/YTdhZmEwMmQtN2RkYS00OTM2LWI4OTYtYzJhYWQ3Y2Q0ZmM0?sa=X&ved=0CAUQkfYCahcKEwiQkJmwsOeDAxUAAAAAHQAAAAAQAQ

Talks at Google – Shelmina Babai Abji – 8 Strategies for Women to Emerge as Leaders at Work

What value am I going to create? What is it that I would know that they don’t already know? Speak up. You have ideas that matter.
Scan your mental chatter and intentionally pick a response that will allow you to show your worth. You are hired for one reason: the value you create towards the success of your organization.

Intentionally seek assignments that push you out of your comfort zone, that challenge your current competence, and that build new competence. The more competence built, the higher the value you create for your organization. The best way to build more competence is to step outside your comfort zone.
Listen and learn. When you step outside your comfort zone, if you’re not stumbling, you’re not pushing yourself hard enough. You’re learning as you’re stumbling.
Look back at who you were before you learned so much. Look at how far you’ve grown.

Who knows you? How are you known? The conversation about people that people are having in the room while they aren’t present is determining their career projection. The way people talk about you when you aren’t in the room is your personal branding.
Panel interviews – the person who gets the job depends on who around the table advocates for them. Find “sponsors” who will advocate for you.

Create a personal success plan. Every week, set aside time to reflect on what you’ve learned and what successes you’ve had in the last week.
Surround yourself with people who are celebrating you, or you become your own cheerleader. Don’t wait for anyone. Recognize that you have worked so hard to be where you are and achieve what you’re doing.

Focus on what you can control. Do not expend your time and energy on what you can’t control. Uncertainty is always going to be there.
You have limited energy and limited attention, and you get to decide where you’re going to allocate your energy and attention. Always be asking: Is this worthy of my attention? Should I be doing this task? Will it move me closer to my definition of success? Will it contribute toward the success of my organization? If not, learn to say no. Structure your days around your highest priorities.
Saying no can show people that you respect your attention, time, and energy. When you respect yourself, others will respect you.

When you go into a meeting, set intentions. If you don’t set intentions, you will be driven by someone else. When you become intentional, you will not let their behavior drive your behavior. Behave in alignment with the brand you want for yourself. Show up as a leader no matter what. If you show up as a leader when the conversation is highly emotionally charged, people will remember that.

Be very intentional about who you seek advice from. If you have a mentor who is not challenging you, who is not contributing to your growth, or who does not have the capacity to advise you to move forward, you are blocking your success. Have multiple people you seek advice from and seek “sponsors” who support and advocate for you.

**Note that this podcast did not actually cover the eight strategies expanded upon in her book.**

Self Improvement Daily – Defeating Perfectionism

Perfectionism is an avoidance tactic and a form of self-sabotage. Perfectionism can lead to indecision, the limiting belief that you aren’t good enough, and never accepting something as finished. In order to overcome perfectionism, you need to take imperfect action and overcome self-sabotage to become that next, better version of yourself. That can only happen through taking action.

I have reflected on this quite a bit this week because it resonates with me.

Yesterday, January 17, marked one year at my job, a job I love and am passionate about. Yesterday also marked the end of week two of my post-graduate paralegal certificate program, which has been very interesting and demanding so far.

I had been discerning being a criminal prosecutor for *years* since college, yet I was hesitant to accept my current (non-attorney) role due to ongoing health issues and uncertainty in the number of appointments and treatments I would endure. I accepted the job anyway, even though the timing wasn’t *perfect*.

This past year, in my position, I decided to gather more information and talk to actual criminal prosecutors at my job and ultimately decided not to pursue being a criminal prosecutor – something I had been thinking about for *many* years. A paralegal certificate program was never on my radar. In the process of conversation and achieving clarity, I decided to go for it and pursue a paralegal certificate, despite not having it all figured out.

The point is, I was uncomfortable and was waiting for the perfect time for everything: the perfect time to accept this job, the perfect time to gain clarity in my discernment process, the perfect time to start this paralegal program. Yet, if I had waited for the perfect time to take this job (when my ongoing health issues were resolved), I would not have come this far and discovered all I have. I would still be waiting. Boy, would my life be very different today if I had still been waiting for the perfect time to start.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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