“The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” is a very interesting and educational book written by Stephen R. Covey. I highly recommend this book and am certain everyone can get something out of this book.
Habit 1: Be Proactive
How often do you use and hear reactive phrases such as “If only,” “I can’t,” or “I have to?”
Use your R & I! Use your resourcefulness and initiative when problems arise!
Problems = direct control vs. indirect control vs. no control
Direct control problems are solved by working on our habits.
Indirect control problems are solved by changing our methods of influence.
No control problems involve taking the responsibility to change the line on the bottom of our face — to smile, to genuinely and peacefully acccept these problems and learn to live with them.
Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.
Viktor Frankl
Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind.
Picture your funeral. What would your family, friends, coworkers, and church members or community say about you? What character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions or achievements would you want them to remember? What difference would you like to have made in their lives?
Habit 3: Put first things first.
The cause of almost all relationship difficulties is rooted in conflicting or ambiguous expectations around roles and goals. Many expectations are implicit. They haven’t been explicitly stated or announced. It is important to state expectations.
Many people refuse to delegate to other people because they feel it takes too much time and effort and they could do the job better themselves. Transferring responsibility to other skilled and trained people enables you to give your energies to other high-leverage activities. Delegation means growth, both for individuals and for organizations.
You can’t think efficiency with people. You think effectiveness with people and efficiency with things.
Stephen R. Covey
Habit 4: Think win-win.
Win/win = a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all interactions. Seek to understand, identify the key issues and concerns, determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution, and identify possible new options and achieve those results.
Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Most people listen with the intent to reply.
Continuous deposits are needed. 6 major deposits: understanding the individual, attending to the little things, keeping commitments, clarifying expectations, showing personal integrity, apologizing sincerely when you make a withdrawal.
Habit 6: Synergize.
As a principle-centered person, you try to stand apart from the emotion of the situation and from other factors that would act on you and evaluate the options. Looking at the needs that may be involved and the possible implications of various alternative decisions, you’ll try to come up with the best solution, taking all factors into consideration.
The person who doesn’t read is no better off than the person who can’t read.
Stephen R. Covey
Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right things.
Stephen R. Covey
Habit 7: Sharpen the saw.
Life life in crescendo. The most important work you will ever do is always ahead of you. Regardless of what you have or haven’t accomplished, you have important contributions to make.
What one thing could you do that, if you did it on a regular basis, would make a tremendous positive difference in your personal life? What one thing in your business or professional life would bring similar results?
4 dimensions of renewal
Daily Private Victory- Spend a minimum of one hour a day in renewal of the physical, spiritual, and mental dimensions. This is the key to developing the 7 habits.
I highly recommend this book!
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:
Optimal Health Daily- 5 Small Habits For Big Changes in Fat Loss by Lea Genders
Prioritize protein/veggies at each meal. Protein helps you maintain muscle and protein and fiber from veggies help you feel full. Focus on what you can add to your meals to make them healthier rather than what you have to take away.
Eat slow and mindfully. When you gobble down your food quickly, you don’t give your stomach enough time to send the signal to your brain that it’s full. Pay attention to fullness signals and stop eating when you’re full.
Walk fast. Walk with purpose, bring a dog, or start a power walking routine.
Prioritize sleep. Create a sleep routine and aim for 7-8 hours of sleep each night.
Replace all drinks with water. If you replace all soda, juice, energy drinks, and sugar-filled drinks with water, you’ll cut hundreds of empty calories each day. You can use some sugar-free flavoring packets to encourage you to drink more water. I love True Lemon packets, available in a variety of flavors at 0-10 calories each and 0-1 gram of sugar each. This might seem like a lot, but it’s a much better alternative to sugar-laden drinks.
Self Improvement Daily- HALT Before You Communicate
Often times we say things we don’t mean, that we’ll later regret, and wonder why we even said them in the first place. We wonder what caused us to not have the self-control needed in those situations. It’s usually a matter of feeling emotional. Our emotions often take precedence over logical reasoning.
Before you communicate, especially when you’re feeling impulsive, HALT. Pause. Take a moment to think about how you’re feeling. In particular, reflect on these four things:
Hungry?
Angry?
Lonely?
Tired?
When you’re feeling any of these things, you’re more likely to say things you don’t mean because your mind is fixated on these specific needs. By calling out these emotions, you give your logical mind the information it needs to make the right decision.
TED Talks Daily- TikTok’s CEO on its future — and what makes its algorithm different – Shou Chew
I discovered TikTok in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, and I have learned many things and spent countless hours on the app. One unique thing I realized right away about TikTok is that it gives people a platform to reach a larger audience than other social media apps.
The mission of TikTok is to inspire creativity and bring joy. The vision is to provide a window to discover, give them a canvas to create, and provide bridges for people to connect.
Per Shou Chew, the CEO: “What makes TikTok unique is the whole discovery engine behind it. We are showing people what they like. We have given the everyday person a platform to be discovered.”
The biggest creator, Khaby Lame, in TikTok didn’t even speak in any of his videos in the beginning. Lame is famous for his comic expressions and deadpan reactions to overstylized TikToks. Today he has 158 million followers on the platform. As long as you have talent, you have the chance to succeed.
TikTok has given many people a voice that they would otherwise not have. Other platforms basically made the chances of getting discovered very low. You almost had to be famous to get followers.
With TikTok, if you post something that’s not interesting to a lot of people, you aren’t going to get the virality you want. You need to have a message that resonates with people, and you will generate virality.
Recommendation algorithm- shows you what others are interested in who liked the same videos as you. Vision= window to discover. People find communities because of the content that they are posting.
Other apps are built for a different original purpose.
In order to fulfill its mission of discovery, showing users a diversity of content is essential.
TikTok has created a platform for people who never thought they would be a content creator. Has given them an audience. STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) content has over 160 billion views.
User guidelines: no pornography, child sexual abuse material, no violence. Users under 18 years old experience a more restricted app and can’t use the livestream experience. Users under 16 can’t instant message or go viral. A big part of the age guideline is based on the age the user reports when signing up.
TikTok’s goal is NOT to optimize and maximize time spent on the platform. Minors= 60 minute recommendation. TikTok has given parents tools to limit childrens’ time spent on TikTok.
Over 10,000 employees are currently looking at content moderation, and this group is based in Ireland. Most of the moderation has to be done by machines, but they aren’t always on point, so they complement with actual people.
Guideline categories: mature, not suitable for teenagers. If content contains these guidelines, TikTok proactively removes it from users’ TikTok experience. If you search certain terms, you are redirected to a resource safety page.
Data access by employees is not the same as data access by the government. TikTok has implementing storing localized American data on American soil by an American company overseen by American personnel. This is beyond what any company in this industry has ever done- localizing in a way no company has ever done. All new U.S. Data is already stored in the Oracle cloud infrastructure.
TikTok’s desire is to keep Tiktok a place of freedom and expression (you can search for anything you want subject to community guidelines).
TikTok has popularized a variety of content: dancing, singing, science content, booktok, learning how to cook, sports, encouraging people to read. Booktok has 120 billion views globally.
TikTok is connecting people and communities together. 5 million businesses in the U.S. benefit from TikTok today.
Life Kit-A better way to talk to your doctor
Find someone who you can built a partnership with, someone who listens, and someone who will take your symptoms seriously and foster that bond. Your health is your most important asset. You need to find someone who will be on your team and be a good partner.
Prepare as if you’re going to your accountant and getting ready for taxes. Write down what has been happening/symptoms and your family history, and answer when your symptoms started, what you were doing when symptoms started, what makes symptoms worse, how long symptoms have persisted, whether symptoms ever get better, and your previous history.
Anything you can describe (duration, time it started, details) can lead to higher chances of coming up with a diagnosis. Sometimes your doctor may not ever have a clear answer for you.
Your doctor might not know what’s going on right away. Instead, you may receive a differential diagnosis, or a list of possibilities. Schedule follow-ups.
Fill out docs on the patient portal before you get there to help maximize the time together.
When you get a diagnosis, ask for more information. What do we know? What do I have to do? What is the treatment plan?
If you feel dismissed, this is a sign this isn’t the doctor for you. It needs to be a partnership. You don’t need to stick with the doctor for the rest of your life if you aren’t comfortable.
Advocate for yourself. When you get a diagnosis, ask: What’s actually happening in my body right now? What’s the treatment? How does the treatment work? How often will I take that medication? Will this condition ever go away? How will this condition affect my life? When should we follow up?
Think of your relationship with your medical provider as a partnership. You should be working together to come up with a diagnosis or a plan. Keep a medical logbook with important details. When you get a diagnosis, consider a second opinion. It’s okay to change medical providers and it might be a good idea if they’re not listening to you, they confuse you, or if you don’t feel like you can talk to them.
NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast- Top Consumer Complaints and Car Shopping in 2023
The top consumer complaints of 2022 include negative information on credit reports that was not accurate, accounts that didn’t belong to consumers but were still on the report, credit inquiries that people didn’t recognize, and being pursued for a debt that the person didn’t owe.
Average price for a used car is still around $26k!!
Supplies still unable to meet demand- prices remain high
Tips: allow yourself time to shop around for both the car and the car loan. Get several auto loan offers before going to the auto dealer. Don’t tell the dealer upfront that you intend to pay cash. They may try to make up for lost revenue in the price of the car.
Auto rates are the highest they’ve been since 2009. Average used car loan is 11.03% interest. Some people can get 5% interest.
Tips: Shop around. Know your financing options. Think about the trade-offs. Buying a car with cash can keep you out of debt, but you might be able to get a better return on that investment.
One book I’ve read this past week is “How to Live on 24 Hours a Day” written by Arnold Bennett and originally published in 1908. These points stood out to me:
We never shall have any more time. We have, and we have always had, all the time there is.
Arnold Bennett
Everyone receives the same 24 hours in a day. Many view their hours at work as a day and the rest as a margin. You say your day is already full to overflowing, yet you spend 8+ hours working and 7-8 hours sleeping. What are you doing during the other 8 hours?!
Arrange a day within a day. Think of your day outside of work as another day within your day. Have a reflective mood. Devote time each day to reading, learning, or bettering yourself. I have been committed to doing this as part of my daily habits.
You have to live on this twenty-four hours of daily time. Out of it, you have to spin health, pleasure, money, content, respect, and the evolution of your immortal soul. Which of us lives on twenty-four hours a day? And when I say “lives,” I do not mean “exists” or “muddles through.”
Arnold Bennett
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:
Self Improvement Daily- Getting Started Setting Goals
Setting goals is an effective way to structure your efforts and get a desired result. However, many people set goals too big without a plan. Ex: go from not working out at all to working out 6 days per week. Others set goals without much of a plan. Ex: drink more water. Eat healthier.
You don’t need to wait to have a perfectly defined and thought through goal before getting started. As you begin pursuing your goals, you collect more reference points and information to aid in defining your goal and the structure of achieving your goal. As you get closer to your goals, they get clearer. You should always be intentional about pursuing more clarity.
A goal I had for quite some time was to drink more water. There were times I drank up to a gallon per day (too much for me), but other times, I got so consumed in my work that I didn’t finish my first 16 ounces until after lunch! “Drink more water” was not a clearly structured goal for me. When I noticed that I regularly wasn’t finishing my first 16 ounces until well into the afternoon, I revised my goal to include “drink 1 bottle of water before the workday starts.” That goal is structured, measurable, and helps me to drink more water throughout the day.I also use True Lemon packets (available in a variety of flavors) to increase my water intake.
Another goal could start off as “eat healthier.” This could be structured by committing to planning staple breakfast foods and meal prepping healthy lunches for the week so that you don’t have the urge to order takeout during the work week.
Psych2Go Mental Health Podcast- 10 Toxic Things Parents Say To Their Kids
You look terrible.
You’re a freak.
You’re so immature.
I’m going to send you to boarding school.
Once you’re 18, I’m going to kick you out.
This is your fault.
Show me some respect (when it isn’t due/when it’s toxic).
Do what I say or else.
You are terrible at ___.
You’re the worst student.
I am grateful that I didn’t hear any of these phrases directed at me growing up, but I know of people who have. It is important to show love to your children and allow them to make mistakes, express their own individuality, and overcome obstacles that can turn into learning experiences.
Life Kit- Put your savings to work
When we put money into a traditional savings account when inflation is high, its value is eroding.
Savings account interest rates may be as low as 0.01%, and the average interest rate is currently 0.24%. Some banks have increased interest rates due to inflation, and smaller banks are offering better rates than bigger banks.
Online banks offer better rates due to not having to maintain brick and mortar locations. Be sure to research minimum deposits and hidden fees and read the fine print! I recently created an account for CIT bank online, which offers interest rates between 4.50%-4.75%!
Aside from savings accounts, CDs are another option. The longer the term, the better the rate is. Be sure you can commit to the term, as you can’t withdraw $ during that term without paying a penalty.
Ibonds are inflation bonds where you are lending the government $ and the government agrees to pay you back at a later date with interest. Ibonds increased in popularity in 2022, as the interest rate was over 9%! The government sets Ibond rates every 6 months, and the term is for 5 years, although you can access your money before the 5-year term is up by forfeiting the last 3 months’ interest. The interest rate was just adjusted down to 4.30% in May 2023.
Taxes: the interest earned from savings accounts and CDs is taxable. Ibonds are exempt from state and local taxes, but you will have to pay federal income tax when you cash in on the bonds.
Consider switching savings accounts to one with a better interest rate. You may also want to consider government bonds for medium-term or long-term savings or CDs for short-term savings.
Self Care IRL- 14 Ways to Strengthen Your Friendships
Make your friendships a priority.
Start by staying in touch.
Try to think about what your friend needs right now. How can you be helpful or of value?
Stop judging. You are never going to be 100% approving of anyone or the decisions of anyone, including yourself!
Give an occasional compliment.
Spend time together.
Find common interests that you share, and do those things together!
Take on a new challenge together. Humans become closer with those they suffer with and overcome obstacles with.
Take a road trip.
Try new things together, such as restaurants, events, or activities.
Play fair. Don’t one up your friends.
Express your gratitude. Let them know you value them.
Admit and apologize.
Be authentic and be honest.
How to Be a Better Human- How to keep house while drowning
Reframe chores. Chores feel like an obligation. Some chores should be considered care tasks because they are tasks that you do to care for yourself, such as dishes, laundry, cleaning, exercising, cooking, organizing, and changing your sheets.
Ask yourself: What can I do right now in order to ensure that I’m being kind to my tomorrow self?
With other household stuff, acknowledge that good enough is perfect, and everything worth doing is worth doing partially. I struggle with this. I want to put my 100% into everything, so when I can’t dedicate the time and energy, sometimes I just don’t do it at all.
With chores, ask yourself these questions: What is the part you hate? What about it do you hate? Is there a way to skip that step or delegate? How can I add pleasure or joy to it? Ex: use a timer and dedicate a specific amount of time to a task, then stop when the timer goes off. Play your favorite playlist while doing a task you don’t enjoy doing.
Focus on Marriage Podcast- Common Problems and Letting Go of Selfishness
Many newly married couples have unrealistic expectations of marriage, such as “We are always going to agree on spending money. We will draw closer to our family and in-laws once we are married. We will divide up household responsibilities equally. We will have amazing sex often. I will never feel lonely in my marriage.” These unmet expectations are common sources of frustration in marriage.
Despite these common struggles, remember to ask yourself: What do you like about your partner? Why did you marry your partner? Why do you believe you’re married today?
One interesting point made in this podcast is that husbands are often looking for validation, and women feel resentment because they feel they are doing more than their husbands and it goes unnoticed.
Also, husbands often hear more about what they don’t do than about what they do do, leading them to feel unloved and unappreciated. They are seeking affirmations. Provide affirmations, appreciation, and validation, and also put effort into equalizing responsibilities.
Optimal Living Daily- How to Create Time for Self-Care Without Feeling Guilty by Ellen Burgan
When you take care of yourself, you have more energy, patience, and compassion for others AND yourself.
Common obstacles to self-care and what you can do about them:
“I don’t have enough time” ⇛ This is a sign that you’re prioritizing others above yourself. This is a matter of how we choose to use our time. Remember that taking care of yourself will ultimately make you more productive and efficient in the long run.
“I can’t afford it” ⇛ Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive. There are several free or low-cost options, such as going for a walk, doing yoga at home, journaling, reading a book, coloring, or listening to music or a podcast.
“I don’t know how to do it” ⇛ It doesn’t have to be complicated. Find something you enjoy doing, and go do it. Find what works for you and make it a regular part of your routine. For me, self-care includes reading, exercising, listening to podcasts, and journaling + the very occasional massage.
“I’m too tired” ⇛ This is an even better indication to take time for yourself! Self-care can help boost energy levels, relieve stress and burnout, and improve sleep.
“I don’t have anyone to do it with” ⇛ You can still take care of yourself while flying solo.
Tips:
Shift the way you think about self-care. Instead of feeling guilty, shift your thoughts to that of well-deserved time to focus on and care for yourself. If you take care of yourself, you will be a more fun person for others to be around.
Prioritize self-care. Schedule self-care and include it in your regular routine.
Set boundaries. Practice saying no to things that don’t align with your priorities or that are draining you. Every time you say no to another obligation, you are saying yes to yourself.
Use small chunks of time. If you can’t find a long burst of time for self-care, use the short bursts of time you have. Maybe spend 10 minutes a couple times a day for yourself, and as you get better at finding dedicated time to yourself, you can increase it to a daily routine.
Ask for help and be willing to accept help. Delegate tasks if you are able to so that you can have some time for yourself.
Crina and Kirsten Get to Work- Workplace Mental Health Takes Center Stage: A New Priority for the Surgeon General
Prioritize workplace physical and psychological health.
Enable adequate rest.
Normalize and support mental health by validating challenges, communicating mental health and well-being as priorities, and offering both support and prevention services.
Connection and community: social support and belonging.
Create cultures of inclusion and belonging.
Cultivate trusted relationships.
Foster collaboration and teamwork.
Work-life harmony: autonomy and flexibility.
Provide more autonomy over how work is done.
Make schedules as flexible and predictable as possible.
Increase access to paid leave.
Respect boundaries between work and non-work time.
Mattering at work: dignity and meaning.
Provide a living wage.
Engage workers in workplace decisions.
Build a culture of gratitude and recognition.
Connect individual work with organizational mission (shared purpose).
Opportunity for growth: learning and accomplishment.
Offer quality training, education, and mentoring.
Foster clear and equitable pathways for career advancement.
Ensure relevant and reciprocal feedback.
How is your employer doing with all of these?
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
“How Will You Measure Your Life?” was written by Clayton M. Chesterton, James Allworth, and Karen Dillon, all of whom were once associated with Harvard Business School or the Harvard Business Review. This book covered how to be successful and happy in your career, how to make your relationships an enduring source of happiness, and how to live a life of integrity. Several examples and insights were provided.
There are hygiene factors and motivators at work. Hygiene factors include status, compensation, job security, work conditions, company policies, and supervisory practices. If you have these, you won’t suddenly love your job; you just won’t hate it. Compensation is a hygiene factor. Motivators include challenging work, recognition, responsibility, personal growth, and meaningful work. These things make you enjoy a job and want to stay.
Many people choose jobs for the $ and then think they’ll later return to their passion but never do, causing resentment of their work. It is hard to dwindle back your lifestyle and transition to a field where you make less $.
Make sure your values and priorities align with how you spend your time, energy, talent, and money. With every decision you make about how you spend your time, energy, talent, and money, you are making a statement about what really matters to you.
High-achievers tend to focus a great deal on becoming the person they want to be at work and far too little on the person they want to be at home.
*If you defer investing your time and energy until you see that you need to, chances are that it will already be too late.
The path to happiness in marriage is about finding someone who you want to make happy – someone whose happiness is worth devoting yourself to.❤️
Thinking about your relationships from the perspective of the job to be done is the best way to understand what’s important to the people who mean the most to you. “What job does my spouse most need me to do?”
Don’t flood your children with your resources and do everything for them. They need to be challenged and solve hard problems and develop themselves.
Outsourcing can lead to losing valuable opportunities to help nurture and develop them. Teach them how to deal with pressure and build resilience and solve problems. Find the right experiences to help them build the skills they’ll need to succeed. Some of the greatest gifts are what your parents didn’t do for you.
When our children are ready to learn, we need to be there. We also need to be found displaying the priorities and values we want our children to learn – through our actions.
You have to build the culture you want in your family. If you do not consciously build it and reinforce it from the earliest stages of your family life, a culture will still form – but it will form in ways you may not like.
Decide what you stand for and stand for it all the time – no “just this once” exceptions.
This book really resonated with me. For several years, I prioritized working multiple jobs and paying off student loan debt/saving money, so I did not have a social life or really any personal hobbies I regularly devoted myself to. Work was essentially my identity. In the past year, I have prioritized daily habits, working less, socializing, and personal hobbies and am much more satisfied. I have been discerning whether to become an attorney, but from the insights I have gathered, the work-life balance is not enticing. Being an attorney has been my goal or plan since college, and now my mindset has shifted to consider work-life balance. Would this career path allow me a work-life balance to have personal hobbies, a social life, and quality time with my husband and future children? That is how I will measure my life.
The type of person you want to become – what the purpose of your life is – is too important to leave to chance. It needs to be deliberately conceived, chosen, and managed.
How will you measure your life?
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
“1000+ Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently” was written by Marc Chernoff, co-author of the blog Marc & Angel Hack Life and New York Times bestseller “Getting Back to Happy.” This book was in a listicle format and, although the title is deceiving and inaccurate, I learned so much from this book.
Millions of people live their entire lives on default settings, never realizing they can customize everything. Dare to make edits and improvements. Dare to make your personal growth a top priority.
“Don’t ask ‘Why me? Why didn’t I…? What if…?‘ Instead, ask ‘What have I learned from this experience? What do I have control over? What can I do right now to move forward?‘”
Extend generosity and grace. When someone is grouchy, tired, or whatever you don’t desire, add “just like me sometimes.” Ex: “That person was so rude…just like me sometimes.”
Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed. Happiness is the sacred experience of living every moment with love and gratitude.
“Imagine you had a ripe, juicy tangerine sitting on the table in front of you. You pick it up eagerly, take a bite, and begin to taste it.
You already know how a ripe, juicy tangerine should taste, and so when this one is a bit tarter than expected, you make a face, feel a sense of disappointment, and swallow it, feeling cheated out of the experience you expected.
Or perhaps the tangerine tastes completely normal— nothing special at all. So, you swallow it without even pausing to appreciate its flavor as you move on to the next unworthy bite, and the next.
In the first scenario, the tangerine let you down because it didn’t meet your expectations. In the second, it was too plain because it met your expectations to a T.
Do you see the irony here? Nothing really meets our expectations.”
We need to adopt a mindset free of needless, stifling expectations. The tangerine can be substituted for almost anything in your life: any event, any situation, any relationship, any person, any thought at all that enters your mind. If you approach any of these with expectations of “how it should be” or “how it has to be” in order to be good enough for you, they will almost always disappoint you in some way.
The only person who can make you happy is you. You are also the only person responsible for your success.
Failure is a part of success. Failure becomes success when we learn from it. Focus on how far you have come.
You will never feel 100 percent ready when an opportunity arises. Embrace the opportunity and allow yourself to grow emotionally and intellectually.
View every challenge as an educational assignment: “What is this situation meant to teach me?” Be a student of life every day. Experience it, learn from it, and absorb all the knowledge you can.
When someone upsets you, it’s often because they didn’t behave to your fantasy of how they “should” behave. The frustration stems not from their behavior, but your expectations. You can’t control how others behave or what happens to you, but you can control your response.
Life is kind of like a party. You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some laugh with you, and a few stay to help you clean up the mess. The ones who stay are your real friends in life.
Over the past month, what have your actions been silently saying about your priorities? Are there any changes you want to make?
If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.
Do your best with what’s in front of you and leave the rest to the powers above you.
Marc Chernoff
30-day challenge ideas to improve your life:
Get rid of one thing a day for 30 days
Wake up 30 minutes earlier than usual
Ditch 3 bad habits
Define one long-term goal and work on it for an hour every day
Watch or read something that inspires you every morning
Cook one new recipe each day
Each day, have a conversation with someone you rarely speak to
Document every day with one photograph and one paragraph
20 questions you should ask yourself every Sunday- linked here:
“Unwinding Anxiety” was written by Judson Brewer, MD, PhD, an internationally renowned addiction psychiatrist and neuroscientist, director of research and an associate professor at Brown University, and founder of Eat Right Now and Craving to Quit apps. Further, his 2016 Ted Talk “A Simple Way to Break A Bad Habit” has over 16 million views! This book emphasized that anxiety and addictions (eating, smoking, drinking, etc.) manifest themselves in habits and the first step to overcoming them is to understand the origin of the habits we want to eliminate or replace and update the reward values.
1. Identify your habit loops.
2. Update the reward values of the behaviors you want to change (using mindfulness and curiosity).
3. Replace your old habits with new, healthier habits.
Paying attention is really important if you want to change a habit. If it’s a habit that you desperately want to break, you can’t tell, force, or wish it to stop because these likely don’t have an effect on its reward value. Look and learn. Ask yourself “What do I get from this?” when thinking about the result of bad habits.
If you struggle with overeating, focus on the full and bloated feeling you get when you’re done eating.
If you struggle with smoking, be mindful and think about the taste and smell (I was surprised to learn that most smokers in a study reported that when they paid attention when trying to quit, they realized they hated the smell and taste)!
Force your old brain to relearn and reassociate negative feelings with the habits you want to change. It is true that past behavior is likely the best predictor for future behavior, but what we do in the present moment, not what we did in the past, will determine the likelihood of continuing or changing that trajectory.
Use RAIN:
Recognize what is happening right now.
Allow/accept it.
Investigate body sensations, emotions, or thoughts.
Note what is happening in your experience.
Examples of habit loops:
Trigger: getting into an argument
Behavior: bingeing
Result: feeling physically, emotionally, and mentally awful with no improvement in relationship
Trigger: start working on long task and feel overwhelmed
Behavior: check social media
Result: avoidance; feel more stressed that no progress is made
My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:
Psych2Go – 8 Daily Habits that Drain Your Energy
These daily habits can cause you to feel stressed, anxious, and exhausted:
looking on the negative side of life/being a pessimist
overthinking
living in the past and taking your focus off of the present moment
associating with negative people and drama
using social media to bring you down and fall into the comparison trap
having a poor diet
not exercising regularly
having an unhealthy or irregular sleep schedule
When a box of girl scout cookies is sold for $5.00, $1.50 goes to the bakery that made it and $3.50 stays local and is split between the regional troop and the troop you bought it from.
The career record is $180,000 boxes sold, resulting in a college scholarship. Girl scouts can increase sales by setting up a booth at a populated place, such as a supermarket parking lot. This results in more sales than going door-to-door.
In 2014, Girl Scouts started accepting credit cards using mobile card readers and began selling cookies online.
The pandemic resulted in fewer girls enrolling in Girl Scouts, supply chain issues, and labor shortages that made it harder for bakeries to produce cookies. The Scouts started using DoorDash to deliver cookies same-day!
Each season, each scout commits to selling a specific # of boxes, and she gets to decide how many. The troop pays for the boxes upfront and the scout repays the troop with the money from the sales. If you have excess boxes because you didn’t sell as much as you committed to, you usually have to pay the troop, but sometimes you can swap flavors with cookie hubs.
The harsh realities of cookie season (competition, finance risk, supply chain issues, technological disruption) are a part of the commerce business. This presents a great opportunity to build business skills.
How I Built This with Guy Raz- Mark Cuban Cost Plus Drug Company
**I have not used Cost Plus Drug Company myself. I combined information from this June 2022 episode and this updated article:
Mark Cuban got involved through a cold e-mail from a radiologist who was working on a compounding pharmacy that could sell pharmaceuticals for less. They spent four years working with manufacturers and regulatory agencies, and Mark subscribed to and read every report and article he could get his hands on regarding healthcare and pricing before starting costplusdrugs.com in January 2022.
In the standard U.S. market, the prices of pharmaceuticals are set by considering Medicare as a percentage of the retail price, insurance companies, rebates, paying pharmacy benefit managers, etc. Cost Plus Drugs (costplusdrugs.com) is transparent in pricing: 15% market from their cost + $3 for handling + $5 for shipping. They are able to keep costs low by eliminating all of the others involved in the standard insurance process, and they use True Pill as a pharmacy/fulfillment center.
Costplusdrugs.com offers over 800 generic drugs. The company/website is especially beneficial for those who are uninsured or those who have insurance but are in the high deductible phase. For many generic drugs, the co-payment can be higher than the actual price of the drug.
The challenge in getting this company to scale more has been getting manufacturers to sell to Cost Plus because they are afraid of the response they will get from insurance companies who also work with them. Cost Plus generally does not want to work with insurance companies because they want to be the low-cost provider of every drug they sell.
Financial Feminist- Life Insurance 101 with Ladder
Lessons learned about life insurance:
Index universal life insurance is a scam.
Life insurance is a selfless product. You are paying for something YOU will never benefit from.
The younger you are, the cheaper life insurance will be.
A good rule of thumb is to have 10x your salary to cover all of your liabilities. Most people are only covered for their salary.
Term life insurance (offered through many companies such as Ladder) is the most cost-effective because you are only covered for a certain amount of time. You can invest the difference you would save buying term life instead of whole life insurance. Whole life insurance is permanent and is 4-10x more expensive.
Life insurance should be used for insurance, not an investment. Investing should be used for investing!
When looking for life insurance coverage, look for good pricing, reviews, financial ratings, transparency, and what’s being added on as riders.
If you are a stay-at-home mom, you should still have life insurance because your partner will need $ to cover childcare in the event you pass away. If you take care of your parents, you need life insurance to cover expenses for care providers for them in the event you pass away. If you have any liabilities, you should have life insurance.
If you don’t have financial liabilities (mortgage, auto loans, etc.), debts, or kids, life insurance is not necessary.
Self Care IRL- 8 Bedtime Rituals for your Mind & Body
The things you do right before bed can determine whether you toss and turn for hours or get a good night’s sleep.
Before bed, list priority items to handle the next day.
When you think of things you need to do during the day, think about whether you will do them today, tomorrow, or another day and schedule them. Then when you’re in bed you won’t have a racing mind of everything you need to do.
Turn down the lights. Exposure to light causes your body to produce hormones that increase alertness. Don’t watch tv/use your computer/use your phone starting one hour before bedtime. Charge your phone in another room and use an actual alarm clock to wake you up.
Slow down. By 8 p.m., your body should be in wind-down mode. Ditch the late-night workouts and active activities. Devote your evening to gentler activities.
If you MUST, have a light snack or a treat. It doesn’t need to be something sweet. It can be something healthy but enjoyable to you—protein, a healthy carb, or chamomile tea
Apply a fragrance. Lavender is an age-old remedy for insomnia. You can use lavender oil/vanilla pillow sprays, a diffuser, or a cotton ball with lavender in your pillowcase.
Warm up. Raising your body temperature induces drowsiness. Take a hot bubble bath or slip under a heavy weighted blanket. A warm non-caffeinated beverage also works. Warm your body but keep your room cool.
Treat your aches and pains earlier in the day to prepare yourself for sleep.
Suspend all of your daily concerns. What if you get to bed on time but you lie awake worrying about credit card bills, tomorrow’s meeting, whether you watered your plants, called someone back, etc.> Let the day go and resolve to let go of distractions. You will sleep better if you can do this. If you are focusing on your breathing, your brain cannot simultaneously work overtime to worry.
Meditate or pray.
Good quality sleep protects your mental and physical health. Rely on bedtime rituals that will help you doze off faster and stay asleep all night long.
Radio Headspace- Life Without Practice
We can have such tunnel vision of wanting to be better that we can lose sight of where we started. Stop, pause, and reflect on how far you’ve come and the progress you’ve made. TWe tend to forget about what our life was like before we achieved x, y, and z.
Document everything. Keep a notebook to record your emotions and thoughts. This will serve as a reference for how far you’ve come. I have been keeping a One Line A Day journal for over three years. It is a five-year dated journal in which you can look back on what you wrote that particular day for up to five years. Each night, I write something about my day–something that brought joy to my day, something I struggled with, something I did that day, etc. It has been interesting looking back at some things I wrote years ago and comparing those entries to where I’m at now.
Remember that you are a human before anything else and all moments of your life are worthy of being celebrated.
Sometimes when I am reading a book and come across an unfamiliar word, I Google it right then and there. One word I came across this week was bespectacled:
be·spec·ta·cled
[bəˈspektəkəld]
ADJECTIVE
(of a person) wearing eyeglasses:
Ex: Mr. Merrick was a slim, quiet, bespectacled man.
I found this interesting because I have never heard anyone use that word!
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
“Man’s Search for Meaning” written by Viktor E. Frankl has been translated into more than 50 languages and sold over 16 million copies, and it was one of the top 20 books I read in 2022. This book contained a riveting account of Viktor Frankl’s time in the Nazi concentration camps and his insightful exploration of the human will to find meaning in spite of suffering.
At the heart of his theory, known as logotherapy, is the belief that the primary human drive is not pleasure, but the pursuit of what we find meaningful.
To find a meaning in one’s life is the primary motivational force in man.
3 possible sources of meaning:
work- by doing something significant
love- by caring for another person
courage during difficult times
“Everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances – to choose one’s own way.”
Viktor E. Frankl
Any man can decide what shall become of him – mentally and spiritually. He may retain his human dignity even in a concentration camp.
There is meaning in suffering. The way in which a man accepts his fate and all of the suffering it entails gives him ample opportunity to add a deeper meaning to his life.
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
“Set Boundaries, Find Peace” was written by Nedra Glover Tawwab, a licensed therapist and sought-after relationship expert and owner of Kaleidoscope Counseling. Her philosophy is that a lack of boundaries and assertiveness underlies most relationship issues, and her gift is helping people create healthy relationships with themselves and others. This book was filled with insights about boundaries and actual examples of statements and boundaries that you can use. I believe everyone will get something out of this book!
You can follow her on Instagram at nedratawwab. She posts very helpful insights about boundaries and example statements of boundaries.
What are boundaries?
Boundaries are expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships. Put on your oxygen mask first before helping others.
Boundaries are a safeguard in overextending yourself, a self-care practice, a way to create healthy relationships, and a way to communicate your needs to others.
Boundaries are not unspoken rules. Unspoken boundaries are invisible. Avoid thinking “they should’ve known better” or “common sense would say…” Common sense is based on our own life experiences and isn’t the same for everyone. It is essential to communicate and not assume that people are aware of our expectations in relationships.
Don’t betray yourself to please others.
Nedra Tawwab
The healthiest way to communicate boundaries is to be assertive. Communicate your feelings openly and without attacking others.
The best boundaries are easy to understand: “I want…I need…I expect…” Examples: “I want you to stop asking me when I’m going to have kids.” “I need you to call me before you stop by.” “I expect you to return my ___ in good condition.”
There are two steps to boundaries: communication and action. You must uphold what you communicate through your behavior. If you don’t uphold your boundaries, others won’t either!
Common responses to boundaries: pushback, limit testing, ignoring, rationalizing and questioning, defensiveness, ghosting, silent treatment, and acceptance
Burnout is caused by not knowing when to say no, not knowing how to say no, prioritizing others over yourself, people-pleasing, and unrealistic expectations.
To avoid burnout, start asking yourself “Why is this important to me?” and only doing what is most important.
Ask yourself:
Whose standard am I trying to meet?
Do I have the time to commit to this?
What’s the worst thing that could happen if I don’t do this?
How can I honor my boundaries in this situation?
We learned about boundaries from family. We cried, fussed, and acted out when we wanted something, and we learned whether we could get our needs met based on how our parents or caretakers responded.
For kids, food preference is an attempt at setting limits. Do you:
(1) offer other options
(2) insist the child eats what they said they didn’t like
(3) punish the child by not allowing them to eat anything?
The results of option 1: Your child feels heard and respected.
The results of option 2: Your child recognizes their boundaries are not important to you and that you think you know what is best for them.
The results of option 3: Your child feels punished for having preferences.
Same goes with hugging someone. When a child sets a boundary by not wanting to hug someone, do you:
(1) allow the child to be self-selective about whom they feel comfortable showing affection to
(2) push the child to hug the person
(3) shame or threaten the child by saying that it’s not nice to tell people no or tell them you will punish them if they don’t comply
The results of option 1: Your child feels heard and respected.
The results of option 2: Your child recognizes their boundaries are not important to you and that you think you know what is best for them.
The results of option 3: Your child feels punished for having preferences.
Types of boundaries you can set:
Physical boundaries: verbalize your need for physical distance to others. Be clear with others about your discomfort with certain types of physical touch, such as hugging. Examples: “I’m not comfortable with public displays of affection. I’d prefer if we saved this until we got home.” “Please move back a little.”
Sexual boundaries: don’t make excuses for poor conduct. Report sexual misconduct that you experience or witness. Examples: “Your comments about my appearance make me feel uncomfortable.” “Your comment isn’t funny; it’s sexually inappropriate.”
Intellectual boundaries: Be respectful of people who are different than you. If you’re a parent, refrain from discussing adult matters with your kids. Examples: “You can disagree without being mean or rude.” “I won’t talk to you if you keep raising your voice.”
Emotional boundaries: Share only with people you trust who can hold space for your emotions. Ask people if they want you to just listen OR if they’re looking for feedback. Examples: “I hear that you have a lot of things going on and I don’t feel equipped to help you. Have you considered talking to a therapist?” “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that topic.”
Material boundaries: Do not loan things to people who’ve demonstrated that they will not respect your possessions. Share your expectations for your possessions up front. Examples: “I can’t loan you any money.” “I will not let anyone borrow or drive my car.”
Time boundaries: Before you say yes to a request, make sure you want to do it and aren’t overcommitting. When you’re busy, ignore calls/texts/ e-mails until it’s convenient to respond. Examples: “I’m unable to work late today.” “I can’t help you this weekend.”
Self-boundaries: your finances, your time management, your self-care, the treatment you allow from others, your unkind thoughts of yourself, your reactions, and the people you allow in your life. Examples: “I will save ___% before buying something new.” “I plan my day and delegate what I can.” “I say no to things that I don’t like/things that rob me of valuable time.” “I address issues with others when they arise.” “I allow myself to make mistakes without judging myself harshly.” “I allow myself to cry.” “I did my best.”
When you engage in activities that you don’t enjoy or get distracted with other people’s stuff, you take time away from yourself.
**This book also covered boundaries specific to in-laws, holidays, friendships, relationships, social media, and work.
You can’t change people, but you can change:
how you deal with them
what you accept
how you react to them
how often you interact with them
how much space you allow them to take up
what you participate in
what role they play in your life
what people you have contact with
who you allow in your life
your perspective
It’s healthy for you to have boundaries. Other people have boundaries that you respect. Setting boundaries is a sign of a healthy relationship. If boundaries ruin a relationship, your relationship was on the cusp of ending anyway.
What to avoid when setting boundaries:
Never apologize. It gives the impression that your expectations are negotiable or that you don’t believe you’re allowed to ask for what you want.
Don’t waver. Don’t allow people to get away with violating your boundary.
I highly recommend this book! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
“How to Win Friends and Influence People” was written by Dale Carnegie, originally published in 1936 and most recently revised and republished in 2022, has sold more than 15 million copies, and resulted in the Dale Carnegie Foundation of global training courses. This was among my top 20 favorite books I read in 2022.
I first want to point out that the techniques likely work with some people, particularly in the corporate world, but genuine true friendships don’t require techniques or “winning.” With that said, many of these techniques are useful.
I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.
Charles Schwab
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People:
Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Arouse in the other person an eager want.
6 ways to make people like you:
Become generally interested in other people.
Smile!
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
12 ways to win people to your way of thinking:
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show response for the other person’s opinions. Never say “you’re wrong.”
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.
9 ways to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment:
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and every improvement.
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Give encouragement. Make the fault easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.
Dale Carnegie
Among my favorite takeaways: Give honest and sincere appreciation, be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves, show respect for the other person’s opinions, and call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
This book was filled with information and useful stories of examples and I highly recommend it!
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
