Book review posts, Uncategorized

February 2026 Reads

I read 3 books in February. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in February.

Win Some, Lose Some: The Trials and Tribulations in the Career of a Trial Lawyer – a memoir” was written by Mark N. Stageberg, who is a Minnesota attorney specializing in personal injury and wrongful death cases. He originally did defense work before transitioning to plaintiff work. Mark has spent his career as a trial lawyer, completed over 175 jury trials, and has had 7 cases with million-dollar jury awards. This book was a candid look at both victories and failures and contained interesting stories of unusual clients, unexpected courtroom twists, and behind-the-scenes legal drama. Here are some of my many takeaways:

The vast majority of the litigation clients who walk into your office do not have cases with all 3 necessary elements for a good lawsuit: good liability, extensive damage, and enough insurance coverage. Cases with good liability and big damages can often be easily resolved with a policy-limit settlement without litigation. The limits of the defendant’s liability insurance coverage govern the outcome of many good liability and damage cases.

What is interesting about pro bono legal work is that many of a lawyer’s promising cases can turn into unintended pro bono work. Payment for plaintiff’s personal injury work is dependent on contingent fees, and if a case isn’t won, it can be a waste of a lot of legal time and money.

An interesting and quite lucrative area of personal injury legal work involves airplane crashes. 4 primary causes for airplane crashes:

  • some mechanical failure (in the plane itself – leading to a product liability claim)
  • some inaccurate or incomplete information from air traffic controllers
  • a maintenance or service error by a mechanic
  • pilot error

The government, through the National Transportation Safety Board, does a thorough investigation of every accident and publishes a report from its experts identifying the probable cause of the crash. Much of the investigation is done by the government, but the case must be put together with privately retained experts.

This book contained a couple “hot takes.” These are not my personal opinion or the opinion of my employer.

“A common misperception among the general public is that our judges have some level of superior legal knowledge that justified their appointment as the final arbitrators of our unresolved disputes. Most judges are selected because of political connections unrelated to their experience, expertise, or intellect. The cream of every law school class garners the top law firm positions and after a few years, they’re making more money than the judges in the state or federal courts.”

“Most of the criminal lawyers serving as county attorneys or taking public defender positions were not the top scholars in their law school classes and took those jobs because nothing better had been offered. Prosecuting attorneys have the police, or the FBI and U.S. attorneys in the federal system, to do all of the workup on the cases. The prosecuting attorney only has to present the evidence to the jury and argue that they have met the burden of proof. Similarly, the defense seldom has to prove much of anything and instead sits back and picks away at the prosecution’s witnesses, arguing strenuously that they have not met their burden to prove the defendant guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.”

I think this statement is overly simplified. I respectfully disagree with this perspective.

I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in learning more about the career of a civil attorney.

The Last Lecture” was written by Randy Pausch with Jeffrey Zaslow. Randy was a professor at Carnegie Mellon and an award-winning teacher and researcher who had worked with Adobe, Google, Electronic Arts (EA), and Walt Disney Imagineering and pioneered the Alice Project. At the time of this writing, he had ten tumors on his liver and had pancreatic cancer, and he wrote this book with Jeffrey Zaslow to teach his 3 young children what he would have taught them over the next 20 years. Many college professors are asked to consider their demise and to ruminate on what matters most to them. For years, Carnegie Mellon had a “Last Lecture Series” – which was renamed to “Journeys” – reflections on personal and professional journeys. Here are some lessons:

  • When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a bad place to be. You may not want to hear it, but your critics are often the ones telling you they still love you and care about you and want to make you better.
  • Self-esteem – there’s really only one way to teach kids how to develop it: You give them something they can’t do, they work hard until they find they can do it, and you just keep repeating the process.
  • When we send our kids to play organized sports, for most of us, it’s not because we’re desperate for them to learn the intricacies of the sport. What we really want them to learn is far more important: teamwork, perseverance, sportsmanship, the value of hard work, and an ability to deal with adversity.
  • Brick walls are there for a reason. They give us a chance to show how badly we want something.

Look for the best in everybody. If you wait long enough, people will surprise and impress you. In the end, people will show you their good side. Just keep waiting. It will come out.

This book isn’t quite what I expected. It was more about Randy’s life and career rather than a “Last Lecture Series.” Given that the Last Lecture Series was renamed to “Journeys” – reflections on personal and professional journeys – this book seems to fit that description. Still, this book has some great lessons.

How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists” was written by Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at Boston University. The overall theme of this book is that you become “enough” not by perfecting yourself, but by letting go of harsh self‑judgment and recognizing your inherent worth as you already are. Here are some key points.

People-pleasing aims to control other people’s reactions and emotions toward us. What they want is what we want, because we want to avoid devaluation, disapproval, disappointment, and dislike. Of all the people you work so hard to please, be sure to include yourself.

  • We don’t have to be good at something to enjoy it. What’s the value in not being great? Connection. It’s hard to relate to experts. They’re aspirational, not relatable.
  • The opposite of control is trust – trust that we can handle whatever happens, both internally and externally.
  • When self-worth depends on flawless performance, even small mistakes create a cycle of self-doubt and emotional exhaustion. Achievement doesn’t soothe self-doubt. It often raises the bar higher. Self-criticism becomes a default setting. Self-criticism makes us feel inadequate, grinds motivation to a halt, leaves us sensitive to others’ criticism, is stressful, takes the fun out of the process, and hinders connection.

Some tools mentioned in the book:

  • Revise the rigid rules. Consider what the rule buys you and what it costs you. Consult your values and what’s meaningful and important to you. Focus on what works given the contest. Consider feasibility and workability. What would work for my goals and values, given this context?
  • Foster positive emotions towards yourself. Failure and positive self-regard are allowed to co-exist. We can’t go through life expecting to make zero mistakes, have zero lapses in judgement, or encounter zero insurmountable challenges.
  • Take stock to understand your procrastination: unrealistic standards? fear of failure? self-criticism? Break tasks down into ridiculously small steps and picture your future self.
  • Move away from all-or-nothing thinking. Try “I’m a (valued trait/quality) person who sometimes (exception).” Examples:
    • I’m a capable person who sometimes screws up.
    • I’m a disciplined person who sometimes lets myself go.
    • I’m a hard worker who procrastinates.
  • Reflect on what people-pleasing is costing you. Identify an opportunity to state an opinion, communicate a need, or set a limit that is meaningful to you. Try it out and consider the results. Rinse and repeat.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is a self-critic or perfectionist!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

August 2024 Reads

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – June 6, 2024

Sad to Savage – How to Create Habits and A Routine With An Inconsistent Schedule
Inside Out Money – Progress over Perfection
On Purpose with Jay Shetty – 7 Habits to Be Present
Life Kit – Summer fun on a budget
Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – May 30, 2024

Optimal Living Daily – 8 Signs You’re A Perfectionist
Sad to Savage – Making Health and Fitness A Lifestyle With Savannah Wright
Life Kit – How to practice ‘deep reading’
Real Simple Tips – 5 Grocery Items to Avoid, According to Professional Chefs
The Personal Finance Podcast – Why Most Americans Are Poor (And How to Change That)
Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – January 18, 2024

Psych2Go – 11 Things You Should Say “NO” To
Optimal Relationships Daily – Learning Better Marriage Communication Tools
Life Kit – Popular myths about sleep, debunked

Talks at Google – Shelmina Babai Abji – 8 Strategies for Women to Emerge as Leaders at Work

Self Improvement Daily – Defeating Perfectionism

Yesterday, January 17, marked one year at my job, a job I love and am passionate about. Yesterday also marked the end of week two of my post-graduate paralegal certificate program, which has been very interesting and demanding so far.

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – January 11, 2024

On Purpose with Jay Shetty – 4 Lessons I Will Be Taking With Me Into 2024 & How You Can Implement Them

Lessons from Jay Shetty:

The Clever Girls Know Podcast – 10 Habits of Successful Women
All the Hacks with Chris Hutchins – Top 10 Takeaways from All the Hacks in 2023
HBR IdeaCast – The Best Return-to-Office Policies Aren’t One-Size-Fits-All
Life Kit – 5 questions to ask your partner for a healthy, lasting marriage
Book review posts, Uncategorized

13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do

  • What’s not helpful: violating rules out of laziness or disrespect, waiting for everyone else to take action first, following the rules without considering whether they’re helpful, and going with the flow even when you don’t want to
Book review posts, Uncategorized

The Story of You – Enneagram Types and Rewriting Your Story

“The Story of You” is a book written by Ian Morgan Cron, an author, psychotherapist, Episcopal priest, songwriter, and founder of the Typology podcast. Using the nine Enneagram types, Ian revealed the broken stories that each type adopts and inhabits in childhood to make sense of the world and explored how to rewrite the self-sabotaging stories you tell yourself about who you are. I had SO many take-aways from this book, and it was among my top 20 favorite books I read in 2022.

All nine Enneagram types were explored in this book in detail, and it was evident that I am mostly a type ONE on the Enneagram. Ones are well-behaved, mature, inherently principled natural leaders who want to know the standards and principles of morality, decency, and integrity and adhere to them. Ones are perfectionists always working to improve themselves and to be good, often expecting others to be the same way. Ones tell themselves that it’s their job to make the world a better place, so they work harder, do more, and put in extra hours to accomplish that.

Statements ONES relate to (aka the story of my life):

  • What I should do is more important than what I want to do.
  • I’ll finally be happy when I’m perfect.
  • I need to be good so people will like me.
  • I have to maintain control.
  • If I relax, all hell will break loose.
  • The risk of being criticized or judged is not worth the shame and self-judgment it could cause.
  • People will not accept me as a flawed human being.
  • Others won’t do as good a job as me.

For ONES, perfectionism is the source of unhappiness. The story Ones tell themselves includes self-improvement as the starting point for improving the world, so they are eager to pursue new systems, innovative practices, or fresh ideas that help them do more in able to be better. They often experience simmering resentment just below the surface waiting to boil over, self-condemnation for their imperfections, and exhaustion from always striving to improve and do more.

ONES breaking out of their own story:

  • make rest and relaxation a priority
  • schedule vacations/days off/downtime in order to recharge
  • stop worrying about what everyone else is thinking
  • accept themselves as they are, knowing that imperfection is essential
  • forgive themselves when they fall short
  • learn to endure disorder and chaos without running around and correcting others and modeling the right way to do things
  • let go of the need for certainty and extend grace to others for trying
  • realize that God’s love is not predicated on their accomplishments in perfecting themselves, others, and the world
  • Their new story starts when they begin to experience the virtue of serenity that comes when they accept that the world is imperfectly perfect and so are they.

You have control over the choices you make every day. You are the narrator of your own story. Assume control of your new story; don’t let your old story control you.

“Who would I be and what could I achieve if I pushed back against the false story about who I think I am and the nature of the world? What decisions can I make today to inhabit the new story that will help me become the highest and truest expression of myself?”

Ian Morgan Cron

I highly recommend reading this book if you want to rewrite your story!

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday- March 9, 2023

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Life Kit- The five kinds of perfectionists

Five kinds of perfectionists:

  • Classic perfectionist: highly organized. They do what they say they’re going to do, when they said they were going to do it, and in the way they said they’d do it. They are highly reliable and add structure to any environment they enter. They cannot be as spontaneous and sometimes don’t welcome collaboration and connection. People working with them can end up feeling more transactional.
    • I consider myself a classic perfectionist most of the time.
  • Procrastinator: waits for conditions to be perfect before starting. They tend to ruminate. They can prepare so well and see things from a 360-degree angle and are not impulsive. They encounter challenges around getting projects off the ground because they experience anxiety around beginnings.
  • Messy: in love with beginnings. They can start anything effortlessly. When they hit the middle of the process and the tedium that is involved in staying committed to carrying out those goals, they lose interest and energy because the middle isn’t perfect and doesn’t match the perfect romanticized energy around starting.
  • Intense: razor sharp focus. They are really great at generating outcomes. Sometimes they prize the outcome so much that they lose the sense of team/relationship building in the process. They get their desired outcome at the great expense of others around them. Others’ safety depends on their outbursts.
    • Gordon Ramsay was listed as an example of an intense perfectionist, as conveyed in his television shows, such as Hell’s Kitchen.
  • Parisian: wanting perfect connection. They often practice people-pleasing at the expense of sacrificing their own sense of identity and pleasure. They are genuinely warm people who focus on inclusion, collaborate well, and enjoy working with others.

Ways to work with and reframe our types of perfectionism:

Explaining vs. expressing. When you only explain and you don’t express, it emphasizes a transactional, no-team-oriented, get-it-done attitude. It makes people feel disconnected. If you only express (messy and Parisian types), you talk a lot about how you feel but you aren’t asserting your wants and needs. You need to explain and help others understand you better.

Control vs. power. They look very similar, but they are very different. Control is about manipulating and planning one step at a time. This leaves you frantic, and your desperate energy and anxiety can be felt by others around you.

Power is about influencing and being a visionary. You accept that, no matter what happens with the outcome, you know what’s important to you and trust yourself to understand what to do next.

You can’t think yourself through your life. You have to be open and surrender. You don’t know what’s coming next. You can’t be in surrender and in control at the same time.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • Are you hurting or helping the people around you in pursuit of your ideals?
  • Does this action serve to connect or distance you from your values?
  • Are you pursuing this ideal for the right reasons, or are you seeking some kind of arbitrary external validation?
SHE with Jordan Lee Dooley- Asking for Help as a Perfectionist

Perfectionists tend to want control of everything in their lives. When it comes to work, as the work piles on, they may become overwhelmed because they feel that they can’t delegate or trust others to complete tasks to their expectations. Here are some tips:

  1. Set up standard operating procedures. Make it easier to delegate. Test the process yourself according to your instructions before you delegate! It can be so easy to think that others will do it your way, but they won’t without detailed instructions!
  2. Start really small with one small task at a time. Delegating and giving up control doesn’t come naturally to most of us, and giving up too much control causes us to feel overwhelmed and micromanage. Delegate little bits at a time!
  3. Communicate your expectations and dissatisfactions clearly and kindly. Encourage people to ask you questions! If a question is repeated, remind them that you’ve been through this before, and challenge them to look at examples and convey that you trust them. People can’t read your mind. You have to tell them and show them what you want by example, by screensharing, etc. You have to tell them what you don’t like and correct them so it doesn’t drive you crazy for an eternity!
  4. The sky is not falling when they drop the ball. Expect them to drop the ball. Something is bound to slip from your control. Give them the room to succeed and make mistakes to help them develop as well. No one will be perfect. Mistakes are inevitable.
Optimal Finance Daily- Life Insurance Beneficiary by Jeff Rose

The biggest lesson I learned in this podcast is to have contingencies! So many people list their spouse’s name as a beneficiary with no contingencies. If a beneficiary dies, the benefits will go to the contingent. If you and your spouse are both killed in a car crash at the same time, without a contingency, your benefits are left in limbo. Several contingencies must be clearly identified.

This week I finished reading “1000+ Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently” written by Marc Chernoff. One thing that stood out to me was an example of a tangerine.

“Imagine you had a ripe, juicy tangerine sitting on the table in front of you. You pick it up eagerly, take a bite, and begin to taste it.

You already know how a ripe, juicy tangerine should taste, and so when this one is a bit tarter than expected, you make a face, feel a sense of disappointment, and swallow it, feeling cheated out of the experience you expected.

Or perhaps the tangerine tastes completely normal— nothing special at all. So, you swallow it without even pausing to appreciate its flavor as you move on to the next unworthy bite, and the next.

In the first scenario, the tangerine let you down because it didn’t meet your expectations. In the second, it was too plain because it met your expectations to a T.”

How ironic! The tangerine can be substituted for almost anything in your life: any event, situation, relationship, person, or thought. If you approach any of these with expectations of “how it should be” or “how it has to be” in order to be good enough for you, they will almost always disappoint you in some way.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!