Tag: #mentallystronger

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – September 12, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 7 Things to Spend Money On if You Want to Be a Happier Person

  • Experiences (over material goods) – collect moments, not things.
  • Invest money in relationships – pets, spouses, etc.
  • Personal development and education – think about what you like to learn about and find ways to grow and learn – buy books, take a course or attend a conference, take a trip somewhere to learn more about a culture, etc.
  • Anything related to health and wellness – gym membership, fitness equipment, therapy, quality food, etc.
  • Anything related to self-care and relaxation – massage, meditation class, hobbies, hiring a house cleaner, etc.
  • Acts of kindness and charity – spending money on other people makes us happier than spending money on ourselves. Gifts, charity donations, volunteering, etc.
  • Things that help you spend quality time in nature – outdoor activities, taking a trip in nature, etc.

What didn’t make the list? Having a bigger house, a fancier car, a designer purse, etc.

Optimal Health Daily – 10 Ways to Measure Progress (That Aren’t Weight Loss) by Amanda Wheeler

This podcast stood out to me because SO many people work out solely to achieve a certain weight or physique and are often left disappointed and discouraged from continuing to exercise because they aren’t achieving the weight they desire. There are so many reasons to exercise aside from just weight loss, and there are many other ways to measure progress that aren’t weight loss.

  • Weight lifted – Can you lift heavier this month than last month?
  • Recovery – How do you feel between sets? Are you able to bring your heart rate down quickly and bounce back in?
  • Reps for time – Can you do more work in the same amount of time or the same amount of work in less time?
  • Resting heart rate – if your resting heart rate is lower, your heart is more efficient. If you’ve been training and your resting heart rate goes down, that’s progress.
  • Aerobic window – the difference between your resting heart rate and your anaerobic threshold.
  • Mobility/range of motion – if you notice you can get more range of motion, that’s progress.
  • Energy – How do you feel during the day? Are you drinking caffeine to stay awake, or do you have a consistent pep in your step? If you no longer crash midday or reach for the extra dose of caffeine, that’s progress.
  • Sleep – Are you now waking up feeling rested? That’s progress.
  • Clothing – Is your clothing getting looser? Using clothing to measure progress is a great way to feel good about yourself without diminishing the feeling by the number on the scale.
  • Confidence – How do you feel about yourself? Feeling more confident is a measure of progress that gets overlooked.

Optimal Relationships Daily – 12 Relationship Truths I Wish I Knew 12 Years Ago by Marc Chernoff

  • You have to love yourself first. Fall in love with yourself and share that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self-love deficit.
  • You get what you put in. The true impact you make on people will depend on the time and attention you give to teaching those who know less, caring for those who have less, supporting those who are striving, and tolerating those who are different than you.
  • What most people think of you doesn’t matter. No one is ever going to care about your life and the way you choose to live it more than you will.
  • Friends and family won’t always support your goals, but you must pursue them anyway. Follow your intuition.
  • Life doesn’t always change as fast as people do. Not everyone is who you once knew.
  • Love requires three things: acceptance, honesty, and commitment.
  • A big part of who you become is who you choose to surround yourself with.
  • A soul mate is a person who brings out the best in you.

I really enjoyed this post from Seth’s Blog:

Your audiobook

“Your audiobook

Here’s a useful habit that’s more than a hack…

The next time things are going well, when a project is about to launch, when a meeting has been successful, when the sun is shining… take your phone and go for a walk.

Hit record on an audio app and make a twenty-minute audiobook. Talk about what you know, what you see, what you hope for. Talk about the change you seek to make and how you’re going to get there.

And then save it.

Save it for when you need to hear from that person who recorded it.

It might become the best audiobook you own.”

Before Breakfast – Be flexible on the details

It’s okay to have requirements but be flexible on the details of how people can achieve them. The more flexible you can be on the details, the more loyalty you will probably engender. For a great many things, it is the outcome that matters.

When people can have some choice and autonomy about the details, they feel more in control of their lives. High expectations seem less burdensome, which makes it more likely that they will be met.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – July 25, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 10 Mental Health Improvement Strategies Therapists Prescribe Their Patients
  • Act contrary to how you feel. Explore the behaviors that reinforce that emotional state and act the opposite. Ex: depression may want you to stay in bed all day, but getting up and moving is the best thing. Change your behaviors first, and the feelings will often follow.
  • Challenge your negative thoughts. Intense emotions cause irrational thoughts. Challenge your thoughts and prove that you can do something. Prove that your thoughts aren’t always accurate.
  • Add structure to your day. Be intentional about building in healthy tasks and having structure outside of work, but also allow room for flexibility.
  • Schedule fun, meaningful things to do. Having something to look forward to is really good for your mental health. Schedule one fun or meaningful thing each week.
  • Spend time in nature. Nature has incredible benefits for our mental health; it reduces anxiety, improves concentration, reduces depression, and helps us feel happier overall.
  • Get physical activity. Exercise reduces stress and anxiety and improves self-esteem. Find an activity that you enjoy so that you can stick to it.
  • Find a way to relax. Watching tv and scrolling on your phone stimulates your brain, so aim for ways to relax your brain. If you invest time into caring for your mental health now, you will feel better and perform better later.
  • Work on something that you’ve been putting off. The more you put something off, the more you dread doing it and the worse you feel.
  • Take care of your body. Eat a healthy diet and get adequate sleep.
  • Get social support. The people you spend time with might be the biggest factor that determines how mentally healthy you are. Having positive people in your life reduces the symptoms of mental illness. Remove yourself from toxic relationships.
Sad to Savage – Little Things to Help You Get Out Of A Rut
  • Do a check in and figure out why you’re in a rut. Is your schedule day-to-day not fun? Are you not sleeping enough? Are you nourishing your body with food and water? What are you spending your time doing? Is that keeping you stuck? Are those things helping you or hurting you? What do you need to change?
  • Pick out a goal right now to work towards. Ex: train for a 5k, make a healthy meal 3x/week, build a new habit
  • If you’re someone who really likes to talk on the phone, talk on the phone when you’re outside on a walk. You could start making plans with friends on the weekend to go on a walk. Look up gyms in your area and go to the cheapest one. Go on a treadmill and find a show you will only watch while walking on the treadmill.
  • Redesign a space in your home. Change around the furniture.
  • Find a book to read. Find a book about something you want to learn more about.
  • Know that you are allowed to change your mind and your habits whenever you want. You can become whoever you want to become.
  • Try a new hobby.  Take a class.
  • Pay attention to the people you have in your life, the environments you have, the music you listen to, the content you consume, the people you follow … all of those things can contribute to you feeling like you are in a rut.
  • Make a list of things that make you feel happy that you can turn to when you’re feeling down. Ex: family time, running, going outside, reading, etc.
Chasing Life – Does Money Buy Happiness?
  • Money CAN buy happiness. Buy experiences (trip, dinner with friends, etc.). Experiences bring more happiness than material possessions. Make spending feel like a treat – hedonic adaptation.
  • Think about how your choices about money impact how you use your time. If it doesn’t have any bearing on how you spend your time, you can probably let go of spending money on that for now.
  • Buying time – if you can, buy your way out of something you dread doing. Ex: mowing lawn, cleaning house, grocery shopping, etc.
  • Another fact mentioned is that people who donate to causes/charities through recurring charges aren’t nearly as happy as people who get involved in person and directly see the impact of their monetary donations.
Self Improvement Daily – “You can have it your way.”

Burger King’s motto “Have it your way” is a welcome reminder that each one of us matters and deserves to be cared for. We don’t need to settle for how things are; we can create a new reality for ourselves.

We can pursue our ambitions with pride. We can change our future if we have the courage to do so. Being selfish in investing in yourself can be one of the most selfless things you can do because it can great the greatest impact on others.

If you’re overstretched at work and compromising your own health, that’s not having it your way. When we enforce better boundaries about our work hours, we can have more time to fulfill ourselves in other ways.

If you don’t have as much time for the things and people you love, or the energy to do anything at the end of a long day, that’s not having it your way. When we say no to others, we say yes to ourselves.

Reordering priorities and making a commitment will start to shape your life your way. Balance your personal life, care, and passions in a way that you feel good about by figuring out how it all fits together.

This post from Seth’s blog really resonated with me:

The two bicycle errors

The two bicycle errors

“Momentum activities like public speaking, board sports and leadership all share an attribute with riding a bicycle: It gets easier when you get good at it.

The first error we often make is believing that someone (even us) will never be good at riding a bike, because riding a bike is so difficult. When we’re not good at it, it’s obvious to everyone.

The second error is coming to the conclusion that people who are good at it are talented, born with the ability to do it. They’re not, they have simply earned a skill that translates into momentum.

There’s a difference between, “This person is a terrible public speaker,” and “this person will never be good at public speaking.”

And there’s a difference between, “They are a great leader,” and “they were born to lead.”

The thing about momentum activities is that we notice them only twice: when people are terrible at them, and when they’re good at it. That includes the person you see in the mirror.”

My reflection: we only notice when someone is really good or really bad at something. We don’t see the “average” and we often don’t see the process that it took to get to “good.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – March 28, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Holly Fueled Nutrition Podcast – Supplement Myth Busting Series: Melatonin
  • The ideal sleep rhythm is between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m.
  • In order to sleep well, you need a good stress response/stress reduction. Melatonin won’t fix this.
  • Melatonin levels decrease with age. Melatonin can be found in supplements and in food (tart cherries, grapes, strawberries, nuts, eggs, fish, milk, tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms, etc.)
  • Supplements are not regulated by the FDA. Look for a third-party tested supplement (NSF Sport, Informed Choice, Informed Sport label certifications)
  • Dosing – best in about 0.5-3 mg doses. If you take a dose and wake up feeling groggy, it could be because you didn’t take it at the right time or because you took too much.
  • You should take melatonin about two hours before your bedtime to help mimic the circadian rhythm. Take the lowest effective dose for you two hours before your bedtime. Otherwise, it could backfire and make you feel much more tired in the morning.
  • You know it’s working if it improves the duration and quality of your sleep, especially your ability to fall asleep quicker. It shouldn’t automatically make you fall asleep, but it should make that process more efficient. It can’t cancel out bad nutrition habits, poor stress management, or poor sleep hygiene habits.

I was baffled when I learned that melatonin should be taken about two hours before your bedtime in a dose of about 0.5-3 mg. Like most people, I was taking melatonin right before bed and using it as a sleep aid to put me to sleep. I was taking doses of 10 mg right before bed and continued to wake up groggy. Since learning this this week, I changed to a 1 mg dose 2 hours before bed and am feeling more alert in the mornings!

Melatonin can be a good idea if you have a melatonin deficiency, if you have diagnosed insomnia, if you have jetlag, if you do shiftwork and don’t sleep typical hours at night, if you have PTSD, or if you have migraines.

Melatonin is not a good idea for those who are pregnant or breastfeeding (ask your doctor), the elderly or people with dementia, those on dialysis, those with impaired liver function, those with certain autoimmune conditions, or those with a high risk for bone injuries.

Tips to improve sleep:

  • Optimize your stress management
  • Avoid artificial light 1-2 hours before bed
  • Keep your tv out of the bedroom
  • Get adequate sunlight throughout the day, especially in the morning
  • Get adequate vitamin D, whether from the sun or from a supplement
  • Get adequate B vitamins and magnesium through foods or supplements
  • Get enough protein in your diet
  • All of these things help with sleep and may not require melatonin.
NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – A Landmark Legal Settlement Could Make Home Buying and Selling More Complicated
  • Agent commissions might fall in the coming years, and real estate negotiations might become more complicated.
  • For decades, home sellers had to set the commission rates for the agents on both sides. As a seller, you’re obliged to disclose how much you’re going to pay the buyer’s agent. Under the new rules, they will disclose how much they are going to pay the listing agent, but buyers will need to decide how much their agents will be paid. The goal is to foster competition and innovation.
  • Old rule: 6% commission is standard but there is not a requirement that commission be 6%. If you’re selling a 100k house, usually each agent gets 3% (listing agent and buyer’s agent). The seller collects the $100k for the house and the seller gets $94k after paying those commissions.
  • New rule hypothetical: seller sells house for $100k. Seller owes $3k to the listing agent. The buyer is responsible for paying their agent, and the buyer will likely ask the seller for that money out of the proceeds of the home sale. They may bump up price to $103k (instead of $100k) and tell the seller to provide the $3k to the buyer’s agent at closing.
  •  There is now negotiating room for how much you’re going to pay a realtor for their services.
  • The U.S. government wants realtor commissions to go down.
  • It can impact when and how you pay for a realtor’s service. Agents may go to a fee-based model. Buyers are likely to add the agent’s paycheck to the home cost and include that in the mortgage. Some agents may want all or some of the money upfront and be reimbursed at closing. Some realtors may decide to charge a fee for showings, submitting offers, or a flat fee for the entire process.
  • It can put first-time homebuyers or people who don’t have much cash at a disadvantage.
  • Some buyers will forego hiring an agent because they will be worried that they may have to pay upfront.
  • Over time, buyer agents will likely be paid less than the current 2.5% or 3%.
  • VA loans/FHA loans have rules about how fees can be paid out of closing costs. It’s unclear right now if, when you close, you can just have the seller pay the buyer’s agent. The VA might need to change its rules.
  • The biggest brokerages in each market might bypass the MLS and post listings to their own websites. The new rules indicate that you can advertise how much you’ll pay the buyer agent if it’s not on the MLS.
  • Under these new rules, sellers will likely keep more proceeds of the home sale. Sellers may be more likely to sell knowing they can keep more of the proceeds.
  • The new rules may encourage mobility and home sales.
NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – Save on Travel Transportation: Your Guide to Rental Cars, RVs, and Public Transit
  • Go in with the assumption that you will need to pay a lot to rent a car.
  • Seek out rental car elite status through your credit card.
  • It is significantly cheaper to rent a car through a downtown location than it is from the airport. Take a taxi downtown and only rent a rental car on the day(s) you actually need it to avoid paying for parking fees, several days, etc.
  • Renting an electric car – need to account for how far you’re driving/consider where you will be charging it and consider charging fees
  • Turo, Getaround, Kite, and other companies offer rental car alternatives. They are like an Airbnb for cars. These cars are usually owned by regular people.
    • Pros: cheaper, some offer delivery services
    • Cons: can vary in quality, more limited customer service
  • Account for everyone and make sure everyone and all luggage will fit. Consider whether people in your group will want to split off (may want two vehicles rather than one for group travel)
  • RV – combine the rental car and hotel into one. They can be difficult to drive and more difficult to park. They use a lot of gas (10-12 miles per gallon). You will likely need to dump your own sewage. You can connect with RV share or Outdoorsy and have an RV delivered so that you don’t need to drive it.
  • Trains/Amtrak – Can take a scenic ride that is cheaper than flying. You can take a train between destinations.
  • Public transportation  – many can take you from the airport to downtown. Use public transportation instead of a car: Denver, San Francisco, Chicago, and New York.
  • Hop on/hop off tourist buses if you’re only going to common tourist stops in town
Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 10 Worst Pieces of Mental Health Advice You’ll Find on Social Media

Below, I have listed the myths covered and the truths listed in italics.

  • Whatever happens, take responsibility. No, please don’t take on extra responsibility for things that aren’t your fault. You aren’t responsible for how others behave or for the things that happened when you were a kid.
  • Being physically fit means you must be mentally strong. Working out is a great way to build mental muscle, but just because you work out a lot doesn’t mean you are mentally strong. Some people who work out a lot have an exercise addiction, emotional pain, or low self-esteem.
  • You can’t love anyone until you love yourself. It’s really tough to love yourself if nobody ever showed you what love feels like.
  • The ultimate goal is to make yourself happy. Making happiness your ultimate goal will probably leave you feeling miserable. Focus instead on gratitude, generosity, or being a kind person.
  • Embrace loneliness because it means you’re getting more connected to yourself. Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. The cure for loneliness is connection with other people. Loneliness is harmful for your mental and physical health.
  • Stop doubting yourself. Self-doubt helps you perform better. If you have a little self-doubt, you’re much more likely to prepare better for a test, competition, etc.
  • What other people think of you is none of your business. You shouldn’t ignore the feedback about how your behavior impacts other people. If you’re hearing the same feedback over and over again, pay attention to it.
  • Stop thinking you have social anxiety; you’re just surrounding yourself with the wrong people. If you have social anxiety, it doesn’t matter who you surround yourself with; you’ll be anxious across the board. Social anxiety is treatable, but it’s not their fault for surrounding themselves with the wrong people.
  • The only way to fail is to quit. It’s okay to quit; it’s the refusal to quit that leads to mental health issues and failure. There are so many reasons to quit things that aren’t serving you well. Quitting doesn’t mean you failed; it means you were brave enough to try something and smart enough to stop doing it when you realized it wasn’t a good idea to keep failing.
  • People don’t abandon people they love; they abandon people they’re using. Sometimes relationships aren’t healthy or are self-destructing; it doesn’t mean they never loved you or were using you.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – February 29, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Before Breakfast – Read a short book
  • If you are out of the habit of reading or feeling tired in general, read a short book. It can be just the thing to get you going.
  • Look for a short book to distract your mind from social media, boredom, sadness, etc.

I have been so busy and stressed with schoolwork this month and took nearly all month to read two books for fun. I decided to read a short book of poems as my third book to give myself a mental break, and I have ended the month reading four books. I think reading the short book gave me a mental break and momentum to read more.

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – This Therapy Strategy Will Help You Become the Person You Want to Be
  • Behave like the person you want to become.
  • If you change your behavior first, the feelings will follow. Changing your behavior can also change your thoughts because you train your brain to see yourself differently.
  • Want to feel happier? Ask if you are happy right now. Want to be more confident? Act as if you feel confident.
  • If you are battling depression, ask yourself what you might be doing differently today if you felt a bit better. Depression causes us to do things that reinforces depression, such as staying in bed. Anxiety causes us to avoid things that will ultimately help us solve a problem.
  • We do the things that reinforce how we are feeling. So when you feel angry, you’re more tempted to complain. When you feel anxious, you might pace back and forth and think about all of the things causing you to feel anxious.
  • Act as if you feel confident to help you feel confident. Pursue classes/learning/education to feel more confident about a topic. Confidence comes from facing your fears.
  • Act “as if.” When you feel low on energy, act as if you have energy. When you’re struggling with fear, act as if you feel brave. If you want to change your life, act like a mentally strong person. If you want more friends, act like a friendly person. Acting “as if” doesn’t mean you’re acting as a fake person; it just means you’re putting a certain aspect of your personality forward.
  • What kind of person do I want to be? What are some steps I could take right now to start acting more like that kind of person? How would it change my life?
  • How would I be acting right now if I felt better? Changing your behavior first shifts your emotions.
The Mel Robbins Podcast – 4 Easy Nighttime Habits to Feel Energized & Sleep Better
  • Pick your bedtime. What time do you need to be asleep if you wanted to get eight hours of sleep every night? In order to pick a bedtime, you need to know what time you truly need to wake up. Know how long your morning routine takes! Have a plan. What time do you really need to wake up in order to truly start your day on the right foot and do all the things you want/need to do in the morning?
  • The time you need to wake up is probably a half hour or hour earlier than you have been waking up. If you aren’t honest with yourself about what time you need to get up to give yourself the runway of time that you need, then before you have laid your head on the pillow tonight, you have already screwed up your morning routine.
  • Start by picking the time you need to wake up – the time you need to give yourself the runway, the time that would really allow you to do everything that you would like to do, and plan for eight hours of sleep to establish your bedtime. You need to be asleep for eight hours, so figure out how long it takes you to fall asleep and decide what time you need to get into bed to get eight hours of sleep!
  • If you don’t pick the right time to climb into bed, you will never actually be able to build a rock solid evening routine. Understanding what it takes to fall asleep and giving yourself that amount of time and building an evening routine that leads up to it is essential. Having a consistent bedtime and wakeup time will help you get better sleep and help you fall asleep faster. You will train your brain to be a better sleeper.
  • Clean up the mess so your morning is fresh. Empty the dishwasher/do the dishes, take out the trash if needed, clean up the counters, turn off the lights, clean up the things from today, and charge your phone/computer.
  • Once you’ve cleaned up the mess, take five minutes and set yourself up for the morning. If you’re going to exercise in the morning, lay out your clothes the night before. If you take supplements or vitamins in the morning, set them out the night before. If you’re bringing lunch to work, portion out your lunch. This eliminates decision fatigue and your morning routine will take less time.
  • Take five minutes for yourself. Before you give it to the television, social media, etc., give time to yourself. You can sit and be quiet, read a book, have a cup of tea, or do a skincare routine.
  • Tuck your phone in somewhere other than your bedside table or in your bed with you. It creates fragmented sleep, which impacts your ability to fall asleep and stay asleep. You are more likely to stay up later in bed on your phone if it is near you.
  • Be intentional. Pick your bedtime and be very serious about it. Experiment with it until you settle into a consistent bedtime and give yourself a runway for your morning routine.

I am still struggling with setting a consistent evening routine/bedtime and morning routine. I know what I want to accomplish each morning, but often end up snoozing or sleeping through alarms. This is something I am working on! This podcast was a great reminder.

Inside Out Money – Smash or Pass? Common Financial Rules

This podcast covered common financial rules and whether the podcasters agree or disagree with them. Here are some of the insights.

Recommended:

  • Hold 3-6 months of expenses in cash in an emergency fund. Some people recommend 6-12 months of expenses in a high-yield savings account.
  • Save and invest at least 15-20% of your income in a high-yield savings account or in stocks/bonds.
  • 24/10 rule for buying a vehicle. Put down at least 20%, limit the car loan to no more than 4 years to avoid excessive interest, and spend no more than 10% of your gross income on transportation costs (car payment, gas, insurance, maintenance). If you have to drag out your car loan longer than four years to be able to afford it, you probably can’t afford it. The loan may be longer than the life of the car to you.
  • Only buy a used car to minimize the depreciation. Caveat: Only buy a new car if you can afford to buy it outright (no financing).

Common financial rules the podcasters do not recommend following and why:

  • Some people say your asset allocation of your investments should be 100 minus your age to determine the percentage of your portfolio that should be in stocks versus bonds. For a 40-year-old: 100 – 40 = 60% in stocks, 40% in bonds. Reasoning: That seems too high for a percentage of bonds and is not risky enough for long-term gains.
  • 50/30/20 rule for budgeting after taxes= 50% necessities, 30% for “wants”, 20% for financial goals (saving for retirement and paying off debt). Reasoning: It depends on your income. Sometimes housing and bills take up more than 50%. Try to save 20% minimum.
  • Gross monthly income (before taxes) – debt for housing shouldn’t be more than 28%. Debt-to-income ratio – no more than 36% of your total income should be going toward debts (car payments, credit card debt, student loans, etc.) Reasoning: 36% seems too high for debts.
  • Spend 3x your income on a house. Reasoning: It is overly simplistic and doesn’t take many factors into account. It depends on what interest rates are, how much debt you have, what the cost of living is, how much you’re putting down, etc.
  • Always put 20% down. Reasoning: That would limit many people from buying a house. If your interest rate is lower than a high-yield savings rate or lower than your investment returns, no need to put down 20%.
  • Cars should cost 10% of your annual income. So, if you make $50k, your car should be worth no more than $5,000. Reasoning: You wouldn’t be able to buy much of a car in that price range.
  • You should own a car for at least 10 years. It’s a solid rule. Reasoning: It isn’t advantageous to keep buying cars, but it may not work for everyone. Your needs may change.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – November 30, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Last week I skipped Thoughtful Thursday and decided to post a Thankful Thursday post on my social media in honor of Thanksgiving, so here are some of the things I’ve learned in the past two weeks:

On Purpose with Jay Shetty – 10 Ways to Manage Stress & Anxiety During the Holidays
  • Remember you’re allowed to say “no.” You don’t need to go to every party or event. Say “no” ahead of time if you know you don’t want to go. Prioritize those that matter to you the most.
  • Take your paid time off. When you don’t take time off, you don’t take time to refuel.
  • Add some healthy meals and healthy habits between holiday events. We tend to stray from our normal eating patterns during holiday events.
  • Prepare yourself to know that some people and conversations will be triggering. Don’t waste your energy trying to convince them otherwise. Expect that it will happen so that you aren’t caught off guard. Expecting triggers is better than hoping they won’t happen.
  • Stop doing things just because someone else wants you to do them. The holidays are a time for you, and you should take time to do some of the things YOU want to do.
  • Make a budget for gifts!
  • Make sure you’re clear with people about what you want for gifts. As we get older, it becomes harder and harder for people to read our minds about what we want.
  • Plan ahead. Look at your calendar and make sure you aren’t going to be overwhelmed. Make sure you can be fully present at the gatherings you attend.
  • Make time to reflect this year. What do you want to add next year to make it better? What do you want to subtract next year to make it better?
  • Don’t abandon your self-care practices. The holiday season is often when we need self-care most to deal with the stress.
Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – Stressful Holiday Season? How to Manage Your Mental Health
  1. Design your holiday season. What kind of holiday season do you want this year? Figure out what your ideal holiday season would look like and how you are going to make this year ideal. Once you decide what you want the holidays to look like, you can decide whether to accept a holiday invitation or host a party.
  2. Use the last year test to determine how important something is. Ask yourself, “what did I buy that person last year?” If you have no idea, it probably doesn’t matter.
  3. Set time limits on certain activities. Ex: shopping for a gift, decorating, how much time you spend at a party.
  4. Create a list of what not to do. Ex: don’t go over your budget, don’t keep holiday cookies in the house, don’t say yes to invitations you don’t want to accept, etc. You can make your own list.
  5. Practice acceptance. You don’t have to force yourself to feel happy this time of the year. Keep going anyway without forcing happiness on yourself. You can also practice acceptance when it comes to dealing with others during the holidays (ex: political comments during the holidays).
Inside Out Money – End-of-year financial sh*it you need to do!
  • Max out your 401k or make sure you are maximizing your employer match. I know for many people, including me, contributing the maximum $22,500 is not feasible.  Note that some employers allow you to contribute a dollar amount or a % of each paycheck, and some only let you contribute a dollar amount.
  • If you max out your 401k early, you are losing out on your employer’s match for the rest of the year.
  • Max out your Roth IRA contribution if you would like to ($6,500 for 2023).
  • Max out your HSA if you are eligible for one.
  • Make sure you use your FSA if you aren’t allowed to roll over any amount into the next year. Spend the money this year.
  • Choose your medical plan for the next year. If you’re married, decide which plan to go on (your own or your partner’s).
  •  Schedule any doctor’s appointments that are still covered before the end of the year (physical, OBGYN appointment, dental visit, etc.)
  • Optimize around your deductible. If you’ve met your deductible and you need a colonoscopy or procedure, try to get it done this year.
  • Review your credit card rewards and ensure they don’t expire at the end of the year.
  • If you want to reduce your taxable income in 2023, look into charitable contributions.
  • Review your PTO balances and make sure you aren’t losing any that can’t be rolled over into the next year. Plan some of your days off for 2024.
  • Prep for your taxes.
  • Check your smoke and carbon monoxide detectors.
  • Review your expenses and set a budget for 2024.

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/if-you-work-hard

I loved this post from Gabe the Bass Player. This is his post:

“If You Work Hard…

November 24, 2023

…you will become better.

It doesn’t mean you’ll become great, or get paid, or get famous, or get to quit your day job, or win the comparison challenge, or break new ground, or get the credit, or get noticed, or be respected in the field.

It might. It could. I hope it does. Hard work might turn into all of those things for you.

But if you keep working hard you will get better. The increments might be big or small and the word ‘better’ might evolve in its definition over time…but better is where you’re heading if you’re willing to work.“

The perfect conditions

I loved this post from Seth’s Blog about how the perfect conditions will never happen; we need to take action anyway.

The perfect conditions

Somewhere, there is the ideal soil for growing mangoes. Or the best possible wave for surfing. Or the most romantic sunset for a proposal.

But it’s not right here and it’s not right now.

Our success has a lot to do with how we dance with conditions that aren’t quite perfect.

After twenty years of symptoms and pain, I recently had surgery and was diagnosed with endometriosis. I have been trying to educate myself about it since my diagnosis. This podcast and book were very educational!

The Women’s Vibrancy Code – Reclaiming Life from Endometriosis
  • Resources: Below the Belt documentary about endometriosis + Beating Endo book
  • The notes I am choosing to share are from both the podcast link and the Beating Endo book.
  • Symptoms: Endo can affect every organ system. Many are incorrectly diagnosed with IBS due to having constipation and/or diarrhea, bloating, and painful bowel movements. You can have painful periods, pelvic pain, penetration pain/painful sex, urinary frequency, UTIs, fatigue, exhaustion, and infertility. Everyone has different symptoms.
  • Endometriosis is an inflammatory disorder that impacts every part of the body. It causes gut issues, and those with endo have higher likelihood of autoimmune diseases.
  • Endometriosis is not just in the uterus. Endometriosis is external or outside of the uterus. Endo is not found in the uterus. Endometriosis is when we have endometrial-like cells outside of the uterus, and there’s no exit point for them.
  • Endometriosis can’t be seen on imaging unless there are cysts. True diagnosis is a surgical diagnosis. A positive diagnosis is possible only via analysis of excised tissue. Most doctors are doing the wrong surgery (ablation/burning of endometriosis). Excision (removing the endometriosis) is the recommended surgery.
  • 9% of female fetuses have endometriosis!
  • If the mom, grandma, aunt, or sibling has endometriosis, that daughter/granddaughter/niece/sibling is 7-10x more likely to have endometriosis.
  • It’s never too late to reclaim your life. Many people are diagnosed in their 30s and 40s. You can’t cure endometriosis, but you can take steps to manage symptoms.
  • Any relief from symptoms does not achieve the eradication of your endometriosis. The disease may still progress even when you are treating its symptoms. The only treatment is to cut the endometriosis out of you, and it can grow back.
  • Treatment to manage symptoms (does not cure endometriosis): pelvic floor physical therapy, working on anxiety/stress reduction, and integrative nutrition (anti-inflammatory diet and identifying triggering foods). Endometriosis is inflammatory in nature, so we need to take steps to combat inflammation. The authors emphasized that pro-inflammatory categories of food should be eliminated: gluten, dairy, soy, sugar, and artificial sweeteners.
  • 2 surgery options
    • Ablation – applying heat to endometriosis. This is surface level! It shrivels the inflammation, but it’s still there. This is the most common surgical method, but the least helpful.
    • Excision – physically cutting out and removing the endometriosis.
  • Some endometriosis specialists have done an extra fellowship in endometriosis. Make sure your diagnosis is done correctly and the specialist you’re seeing is actually trained in endometriosis. Make sure more than one biopsy is taken.

The Beating Endo book contained so much educational information and many resources!

Self Improvement Daily – “Happiness ‘when’ starts with happiness now.”

So many of us choose to postpone our happiness until another day. We tell ourselves:

  • I’ll be happy when… I get a promotion or earn more money.
  • I’ll be happen when… I get married.
  • I’ll be happy when… I go on vacation.

If you’re not finding ways to be happy right now with what you have, you’re not going to feel all that different when your circumstances change.

So instead of being “happy when”, what can you do to start being “happy now”? How can you set an intention, adjust your attitude, or otherwise change your mindset?

Tony Robbins says “happiness is progress”. If we have something that we’re improving at, it gives us something to be excited about, something to look forward to, and something to find purpose in.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – October 5, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

The Mel Robbins Podcast – The Best Advice I Ever Heard
  • When it comes to getting things done, momentum is more important than motivation. The problem with motivation is that you won’t always feel motivated. Use 5% momentum to do 5% of the task instead of waiting until you have 100% momentum to do everything. Once you get started, you may be motivated to finish it.
  • Give yourself self-compassion. Shame is arresting; self-compassion is motivating. First address how you are speaking to yourself. Don’t get overwhelmed and down on yourself for all of the tasks you still need to do. Allow yourself to process your emotions and remember you are allowed to be human. You aren’t perfect. Shame causes paralysis; you won’t get the tasks done.
  • Get rid of the things that are too small that you’ll never fit into again but that you keep telling yourself “one day.” Your body is not meant to fit into clothes. Clothes are meant to fit your body.
  • People get pets and they are behavior-prone, yappy, flea-infested, etc. and we still decide to care for them and believe they are worthy. Yet, we don’t show that care to ourselves.
  • Think of rest as a right, not a reward. We often get the message that rest and recreation are a reward for productivity.  You don’t need to get your entire to-do list done before you give yourself time to relax.
  • People who rest in shame work in shame. If you sit down, you shouldn’t be thinking about all of the things you should be doing. This causes overwhelm and burnout.
  • Paper plates – “You can’t save the rainforest if you’re depressed.” It’s better to take shortcuts now to get you back to being a functional human being where you can actually have the energy and capacity to contribute to causes in a way that matters.
  • Everyone deserves to clock out of home labor and out-of-house labor.
  • Let go of perfectionism.

Photo From how to keep house while drowning, by KC Davis. 

When expectations aren’t met with household chores, do you go right to accusations or do you give your partner grace?

Life Kit – The new rules of laundry
  • Wash your clothes in warm water. This activates laundry soap and detergent faster, so you don’t have to use as much detergent.
  • Use your washer’s express cycle.
  • Instead of dry-cleaning wool, silk, lined, or other delicate clothes, place them in mesh bags to keep them from rubbing against each other.
  • Air dry your clothes as much as possible. I try to air dry workout pants, jeans, compression stockings, sweaters, and dresses.
  • Use dryer balls to cut down on drying time. Only put your clothes in the dryer for as long as they need to get dry.
  • To get rid of odors and extend the life of your clothes before you wash them, try spritzing them with vodka. It nixes orders and dries odorless and colorless. I hadn’t heard of this tip before!
The Journal – The Billionaire Keeping TikTok on Your Phone
  • TikTok says it doesn’t share user data with China.
  • TikTok has 150 million users in the United States.
  • TikTok is owned by Byte Dance. Byte Dance is not owned or controlled by the Chinese government. It’s a private company, and 60% of the company is owned by global institutional investors.
  • Back in 2012, before TikTok was even created, Byte Dance got money from a U.S. investment firm founded by a man named Jeff Yaz. Jeff is one of the richest people in America and runs a financial firm that trades stock options and other securities, and he is a libertarian. He is also one of the biggest political donors in the country.
  • Jeff’s firm, Susquehanna, owns 15% of Tik Tok’s parent company. Based on a recent valuation, that could be a stake worth more than $40 billion.
  • TikTok launched in 2016 and is China’s most successful tech export. In 2019, some senators raised concerns about TikTok’s Chinese ownership. TikTok has always rejected the accusation that it shares American user data with the Chinese.
  • In 2020, President Trump tried to ban downloads of TikTok. Two judges said President Trump overstepped his authority. President Biden came in and was concerned about TikTok’s national security risk.
  • In 2022, Congress passed a bill that prohibits the downloading of TikTok on most federal government devices.
  • There has been a bipartisan effort to ban TikTok in the U.S.
  • None of the bills banning TikTok passed. Senator Rand Paul spoke out in favor of TikTok due to the Bill of Rights/freedom of speech. One of Rand Paul’s largest donors is Jeff Yaz, the investor in TikTok. He and his wife have given Senator Rand Paul $24 million over the past decade, either directly to him as a candidate or to committees that support Rand Paul. Yaz and his wife have supported other Republicans who have recently come to TikTok’s defense. All of the Republicans who have come out publicly in favor of TikTok/not wanting to ban TikTok have received political backing from Jeff Yaz.
  • The Republicans who have been asked about the connection between the money they got from Yaz and their rejection of a ban on TikTok said that this is entirely consistent with their libertarian beliefs in protecting free speech. If you ban TikTok, that would be harming free speech.

I enjoyed reading this article about the situation and the right to free speech:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/08/tiktok-ban-seed-genuine-security-concern-wrapped-thick-layer-censorship

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – Friday Fix: 7 Things Therapists Wish You Knew About Therapy
  • Going to therapy doesn’t mean you’re weak. There is still a stigma associated with going to therapy, but seeking other medical treatments does not result in stigma. End the stigma. You don’t need to have a serious mental health problem to go to therapy.
  • Therapy doesn’t have to last a long time. Most therapists don’t see people every week forever. Some therapists handle solution-focused therapy: how to solve a problem or cope with it. Some people attend therapy as needed: weekly or monthly or whenever they think they need it.
  • There are different types of therapy. Some therapists use EMDR (addresses past trauma), narrative therapy (changing the story you tell yourself), etc. Before you start therapy, ask the therapist what kinds of therapy they use.
  • Your comfort level with your therapist matters more than the type of therapy the therapist uses. You need to have a positive, trusting relationship with your therapist. You may be more comfortable with online therapy (video chat).
  • You can talk about whatever you want with your therapist. Your therapist won’t judge you.
  • You don’t need to have a mental illness to see a therapist. You might see a therapist because you’re stressed out, you’re having a relationship issue, or you just want to better understand yourself. You don’t need to be referred by your physician.
  • You are in control of your treatment. People often put off going to therapy because they don’t want to address tough topics. You are welcome to say you don’t want to talk about certain things. You don’t need to take medication, try a different kind of therapy, or do anything you don’t want to do. If your treatment isn’t working, you can talk to your therapist, switch therapists, or leave therapy whenever you want. If you are concerned about the cost, ask about free, lower-cost, or sliding scale services.
Fooling ourselves

I LOVED this post from Seth’s Blog this past week.

“Fooling ourselves

It’s tempting to believe that we’re not easy to fool.

Not by a magician, a politician or a banker. Other folks might be easily duped by a spammer or a hustler, but not us.

And yet, no one fools you more than you.

When you look in the mirror, do you see what others see, or is it possible you see someone far less (or far more) attractive than others do?

Do we assume that our work is so good and so useful that anyone who doesn’t see that is confused or misguided?

Perhaps we feel like an impostor, a fraud or an unseen genius…

These are all forms of self-deception.

A useful way forward might be to ask, “is it working?”

If the marketplace of ideas, of commerce or of relationships sees something of value, perhaps they’re right. And if they don’t, perhaps we might develop the empathy to understand what’s missing in our narrative about what we do or how we do it.

Marketing to others begins with marketing to ourselves.

If it turns out that our self-deception is a reliable source of fuel for us to achieve our goals, it might be worth living with. But at some point, our ability to fool ourselves becomes toxic. It blocks our ability to create generous and useful work, and it eats away at our confidence and peace of mind.

It’s not easy to see ourselves as others do. But perhaps they’re onto something.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!