Tag: #identity

Book review posts, Uncategorized

August 2025 Reads

amybenoit

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on this blog since I have had other priorities. I read 2 books in August and gave myself permission to quit 2 other books – a true act of self-care. Previously, I didn’t allow myself to not finish books. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in August.

“The Ritual Effect: Unlocking the Extraordinary Power of the Ordinary” was written by Michael Norton, professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School. Here are some main takeaways:

The essence of habit is the what – something we do – brush our teeth, go to the gym, pay bills, etc. The essence of ritual is the how. It matters to us not simply that we complete the action but the specific way that we complete it. When rituals are disrupted, people report feeling “off” all day.

Some rituals become so intricate that the ritual interferes instead of prepares. Ex: performance rituals – baseball players engage in an average of 83 movements when batting.

Rituals and repetition can be powerful tools for honing our self-control, but ritualistic behavior can, over time, start to control us instead. Among the most common treatments for compulsive behaviors is “habit reversal” training – identifying the root behavior that’s causing problems and replacing it with something else.

The 4 Lessons of Relationship Rituals

  • Rituals wake up our experience of commitment – doing things together.
  • Relationship rituals are exclusive.
  • Rituals – not routines – bring the magic.
  • Consensus is a critical factor. Do you and your partner agree that it’s a ritual and not just a routine?
  • Food and drink are often central to rituals, but how we share them is what shapes family identity.
  • Rituals can be the practices that call us home and bring family together.
  • Family rituals immerse us in the moment, strengthen identity, and create lasting meaning.

Rituals give us a sense of ownership, an affirmation of identity or belonging, or an increased feeling of meaning.

  • Personal rituals are more adaptable and meaningful than inherited rituals since we can shape them to fit our values and goals.
  • Rituals strengthen social bonds through shared meals, celebrations, or communal ceremonies.
  • Rituals don’t have to be complex. Simple, intentional actions can transform daily life.

4 out of 5 stars

“Crush Your Money Goals” was written by Bernadette Joy, an expert money coach and founder of CRUSH Your Money Goals. Here are some main points.

CRUSH:

  • Curate your accounts. Coordinate accounts and track spending.
  • Reverse into independence. Set clear financial independence goals. Use the $1 rule to question non-essential purchases.
  • Understand your net worth and track it.
  • Spend intentionally. Align spending with values.
  • Heal your money wounds. Address emotional triggers that lead to overspending.

Net worth trackers organize your accounts into cash & cash equivalents, investments, property, credit cards, and loans. Trackers mentioned in this book include Empower (free) and Monarch Money (paid subscription).

Budget:

  • Survive – basic necessities, including housing, utilities, food, transportation, and health
  • Revive – current expenses that aren’t necessary but make life worth living for you, such as vacations, clothing, entertainment, and hobbies
  • Strive – anything that helps you grow your net worth

The CRUSH method consists of 50% strive, 25% survive, and 25% strive. In other words, saving/investing half of your income – which does not seem attainable for most people, especially people who don’t earn six figures. The author mentioned that if this is not attainable, people should work to increase their income.

Other tips:

  • Remember that the interest you pay on any debt is making someone else rich by being their passive income stream. Ex: your mortgage, auto loans, and credit cards.
  • Unsubscribe from email marketing and digitally detox from constant comparisons. Reduce impulse spending.
  • Implement a $1 cost per use rule – technology, furniture, clothing, accessories, home goods.
  • Invest in a Roth IRA, where you won’t pay taxes on growth. All income earned is tax-free.
  • Compare insurance plan rates each year. Ask for discounts from service providers.

4 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts

June 2025 Reads

amybenoit

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on this blog since I have had other priorities. I read 3 books in June. Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in June.

The novel “Motherhood” by Sheila Heti follows a woman in her late 30s as she grapples with whether or not to have children. This book was not plot-driven; it was more like a long internal monologue in which the woman constantly questions what it means to be a mother and whether motherhood would enhance or diminish her life. I didn’t like the writing style, but it was thought-provoking at times. Here are some key lessons from this book:

  • the pressure of societal expectations for women to have children
  • motherhood as a choice, not an obligation
  • motherhood is often tied to a woman’s identity
  • the cost of motherhood – sacrifice of time, freedom, and sometimes the dreams or ambitions women may have for themselves
  • Women are often expected to become mothers, while men are not held to the same societal standards.

Quotes that stood out to me:

Do I want children because I want to be admired as the admirable sort of woman who has children? Because I want to be seen as a normal sort of woman, or because I want to be the best kind of woman, a woman with not only work, but the desire and ability to nurture, a body that can make babies, and someone who another person wants to make babies with?

We are miserly with ourselves when it comes to space and time. But doesn’t having children lead to the most miserly allotment of space and time? Having a child solves the impulse to give oneself nothing. It makes that impulse into a virtue.

Whether I want kids is a secret I keep from myself. On the one hand, the joy of children. On the other hand, the misery of them. On the one hand, the freedom of not having children. On the other hand, the loss of never having had them.”

To clear things up, these quotes stood out to me, but these are not my personal thoughts.

3 out of 5 stars

“Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow: 12 Simple Principles” was written by Karen Casey, a speaker and author of 16 books. Here are some lessons that resonated with me:

  • Tend your own garden. Focusing outside ourselves and attempting to control other people is a clever avoidance technique that helps us escape having to look at our own sometimes troubling behavior.
  • We are not in charge of others! Not their behavior, their thoughts, their dreams, their problems, their successes, or their failures.
  • Let go of outcomes. No matter what we do or how perfect our input, we are never in control of the outcome of any situation. You are responsible for making the effort – nothing more.
  • Don’t let the mood swings of others determine how you feel.

Any thought can be released. We are fully responsible for our thoughts and can take charge of them whenever we need or want to. No one can take charge of your thoughts, and thus your life, without your compliance.

Be vigilant about your choices. If what you are seeking is peace, you must be vigilant about the choices you make. The ego will often beckon you to choose gossip, criticism, comparisons, judgements, jealousy, fear, and anger – none of these choices will lead you to peace.

4 out of 5 stars

“The Mindful Catholic” is based on an eight-week program called Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and was written by Gregory Bottaro, the director of the Catholic Psych Institute and the developer of the Catholic Mindfulness Online Course. Here are some takeaways:

Mindfulness = paying attention to the present moment without judgment or criticism. Curiosity is the disposition of mind that we are seeking to cultivate when we practice mindfulness. Mindfulness does not mean turning off the thoughts in your mind but using them as a door to greater awareness of yourself.

Tendencies vs. Mindfulness:

  • analyzing vs. sensing
  • striving vs. accepting
  • thoughts are real vs. mental events
  • avoidance vs. approaching with curiosity
  • mental time travel vs. present moment
  • depleting vs. nourishing activities

This book also covered mindfulness exercises. As someone who isn’t experienced with mindfulness, here is my favorite:

  • Sacramental pause – Start with prayer (“Ever-present God, here with me now, help me to be here with you“). Open your awareness to any thoughts, emotions, or physical sensations, then narrow your focus to the physical sensation of your breath alone, and finally expand the focus to the physical sensations of your whole body.

4 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – October 10, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Self-Growth Nerds – The Power of Consistency: 5 Mindset Shifts for Achieving Your Dreams

  • Consistency – to show up again and again for what is important to you – working out, journaling, sharing a blog post, going to a comedy club monthly, etc.
  • Remove the pressure of perfection. Lower the bar of your expectations.
    • Show up and be consistent. Control what you can control but know that you won’t be perfect every time. Focus on showing up and trying your best.
    • What feels alive in me right now? What is something interesting I’ve seen or heard recently, and what’s the meaning in there?
  • Commit. Make a decision and be clear in what you’re committing to.
    • Know what it is you are committing to. Ex: run one mile each day, post one blog post each week, go on one outing per week, etc.
  • Don’t expect to be consistent in every single aspect of your life. Choose your priorities wisely. Be clear about why each choice is important and accept the grief that comes with loss.
    • Choose what lights you up rather than what makes sense. Choose something you really want to do.
  • Make it a part of your identity and find pride in that.
    • “I am someone who posts a podcast every week.” “I am someone who runs every day.” “I am someone who reads every day.” Etc.“I am becoming someone who _____.” “I am someone who ____ because ____.”
    • Choose a new identity today. Choose one thing to focus on and embody that new part of your identity.
  • Never beat yourself up. Decide what kind of boss you want to be to yourself. Firm, loving, forgiving.
  • Tips:
    • Put it on the calendar. If it’s not on the calendar, it’s probably not going to happen
    • Habit stack – ex: journal while drinking coffee, watch tv while walking on the treadmill, listen to a podcast while doing chores
    • Remove pain points. Think of convenience.
    • Get an accountability partner.

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 10 Things Being a Therapist Taught Me About the Human Experience

  • Most people fear they’re not good enough. At the heart of almost every issue is the fear of not being good enough. This manifests in different ways. One person might become an overachiever, other people just don’t try, other people change who they are or act differently depending on who is around them because they want to feel accepted.
  • Everyone has secrets – mental health issues, addictions, childhood abuse, etc.
  • People’s inner worlds are often hidden. Many people believe that their thoughts and feelings would surprise even their closest friends and family.
  • The desire for connection is universal. Many people feel lonely in a crowded room.
  • Self-criticism is rampant. We are our own harshest critics and hold ourselves to impossible standards. Self-judgment leads to guilt and anxiety. Learn to reframe your inner dialogue and train your brain to think differently and have self-compassion.
  • Change is terrifying yet desired. We crave change to improve our lives, but we fear it because we hate uncertainty.
  • Vulnerability is both feared and desired. We all have a desire to be understood, yet fear keeps us from being vulnerable.
  • Emotional pain is often masked.
  • Past experiences shape present perceptions. Our behaviors and attitudes are shaped by things that happened to us in the past.
  • Hope is a powerful force.

Real Simple Tips – 6 Tips for Keeping Lips Moisturized

  • Don’t lick your lips. Licking your lips makes the problem worse. Enzymes in saliva can break down the delicate skin, leaving your lips even drier than before.
  • Avoid irritating products. Steer clear of products containing flavorings, fragrances, menthol, camphor, eucalyptus, and beeswax.
  • Use lip balm with SPF. SPF minimizes lip dryness while also curbing your potential for skin cancer and premature aging.
  • Layer your products. Lips benefit from a hybrid approach of hydration and moisturization. Ex: Blistex medicated lip balm + Vaseline or lip oil.
  • Reapply every two hours. This regular application is crucial since activities like licking your lips, kissing, eating, or drinking can wear away the product.
  • Try an intensive lip treatment weekly or biweekly. Ex: lip mask.

Life Kit – How to talk to your loved ones about misinformation

  • Start from a place of connection, not correction.
  • If it’s just a matter of not seeing eye to eye about an issue, it’s okay to opt out to preserve the relationship.
  • Try leading with compassion, love, and empathy.
  • Take time to understand why your loved one believes the misleading content. Be in conversation with them. Recognize that their experiences impact how they engage with what they read online and what they believe.
  • Talk about where you both get your information and why you find the sources to be trustworthy. What is the evidence? Check qualifications and conflicts of interest.
  • Identify points where you do agree. Be mindful of maintaining goodwill.
  • Realize that you aren’t here to change anyone’s core beliefs. You’re simply trying to address a piece of information that is not correct.
  • Correcting political misinformation doesn’t make much difference in how much people trust that source in the future or in how likely they are going to vote for a political candidate.
  • When you do attempt to correct misinformation, provide a detailed fact check. What is actually true?
  • Corrections to misinformation are worth repeating. Don’t expect things to change after one conversation.

With this year being an election year, misinformation is rampant. Use these tips to talk to your loved ones about misinformation or simply opt to not talk about different beliefs. Sometimes people are so strong in their opinions that no evidence you provide will change them, and it’s important to recognize and accept that.

I enjoyed this blog post from Seth’s Blog this week:

Everything costs

Everything costs

But not all costs are the same.

There are three kinds of costs that people get confused about, but understanding them, really understanding them–in your bones–unlocks opportunity.

Opportunity cost: If you eat the cupcakes, you can’t also eat the brownies. Every time we choose to do something, we’re choosing not to do something else.

Sunk costs: If you’ve invested time or money in something (a law degree, a piece of real estate, a bag of chips) that money is gone. All you have left is what you bought, and that is a gift… a gift from your former self. You don’t have to accept the gift if it’s no longer useful to you. Using a gift still has real opportunity cost, and if it’s keeping you from doing something better, walk away.

Marginal cost: How much extra does this decision cost? For a subscriber, the marginal cost of watching one more show on Netflix is zero. The service costs the same regardless of how many shows you watch. On the other hand, the marginal cost of a tuna sandwich is equal to what it costs to replace the ingredients. It makes sense to prefer things with a lower marginal cost if everything else is similar.

I’ve never encountered a person who was fully rational in making decisions on any of these three sorts of costs. That’s okay. But let’s do it on purpose.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!