Tag: #happiness

Book review posts, Uncategorized

September 2025 Reads

amybenoit

I read 4 books in September. I really enjoyed the books I read, and I gave 3 out of the 4 5-star ratings! Here is a blurb of each of the books I read in September.

“Open When: A Companion for Life’s Twists and Turns” was written by Dr. Julie Smith, who has over 10 years of experience as a clinic psychologist and is one of TikTok’s top 100 creators. You can find Dr. Julie on Instagram/TikTok/Youtube at drjulie. This book covered advice for navigating anger, setting boundaries, comparison, confidence, friendships, parenting, arguing, seeking help, overwhelm, priorities, grief, apologies, and much more. Here are some of the many insights that resonated with me.

Whether it’s the good news or the bad, if you have to keep parts of your life under wraps to fit in, that’s not a friendship that is going to nourish and bring out the best in you. Search for acceptance and belonging in the right places. Consider: Is this a place I truly want to belong? Would being recognized as part of this group be a positive in my life? How much of myself, my beliefs, or my values would I be expected to change in order to be accepted? Is that okay with me?

Comparison can lead to constructive forward motion and be a good thing. If it leads to envy, resentment, bitterness, and a loss of self-worth, then we are getting it all wrong, and both our efforts and our attention have been misplaced. Questions to ask yourself: What do I feel envious of specifically? What specific skills do they have that I would like to have also? Would learning those skills help me with achieving my own goals? How did they get there? Can I imitate any of that process to help me get closer to my personal goals?

Confidence is the bus that never arrives while you sit waiting. It usually makes an appearance after you have decided to walk and you’re almost at your destination. So get to work on making some progress, and the bus will likely arrive once you’re a little way down the road.

I highly recommend this book!

5 out of 5 stars

“The Cure for Burnout” was written by Emily Ballesteros, who has a burnout management coaching business. This book outlines five areas in which you can build healthy habits to combat burnout: mindset, personal care, time management, boundaries, and stress management. I learned so much from this book. Here is just a snippet.

  • Burnout is a state of exhaustion, stress, or misalignment with the direction your life is heading in for an extended period of time. Tangibly, burnout will consume your calendar, sabotage your relationships, and harm your physical health. Intangibly, it will steal the best years of your life while you have your head down in survival mode. It will destroy your mental health and cause exhaustion and possibly depression.
  • There are three kinds of burnout, and people can suffer from more than one type:
    • burnout by volume – burnout as a result of a high volume of responsibilities, a compact schedule, and very little downtime
    • social burnout – burnout as a result of interpersonal demands that exceed your available social resources – these people become the person everyone confides in, vents to, or asks for favors because they are pleasant and reliable
    • burnout by boredom – burnout as a result of chronic disengagement and disinterest in the items in your life

Think of personal care as the equivalent of getting gas on a road trip: there is never a convenient time to stop. The personal care pillar mandates that we go out of our way, stop to refuel, and sacrifice the time we could spend “productively” on something else.

  • Think of your minimum non-negotiables – getting a minimum amount of sleep, eating food at certain intervals, getting movement, having alone time, etc.
  • To manage stress, pause/postpone projects that you’ve loved but are currently bringing more stress than joy, simplify projects, delegate/outsource tasks, and quit doing unnecessary tasks.
  • Set boundaries. What boundaries might help reinforce the changes you want to make?

This book was packed with information, and I highly recommend it!

5 out of 5 stars

“The Note” was written by Alafair Burke, an Edgar-nominated New York Times bestselling author of fifteen novels of suspense and professor of Criminal Law. The main storyline of this book is that a vacation in the Hamptons went terribly wrong for three friends with a complicated history. A prank involving a mysterious note led to a missing tourist and a police investigation, unraveling layers of secrets and betrayals. I don’t typically read fiction books, and I won’t spoil this one. Overall, it was an interesting changeup from the books I typically read. This book kept me interested, but it contained overloaded themes of cancel culture, racism, anti-Asian hate, true crime obsession, and more. It seemed that the author wanted to mention many different issues in the book.

4 out of 5 stars

“Build the Life You Want” was written by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey. Arthur C. Brooks is a professor at Harvard Business School and teaches courses on happiness and is also an acclaimed author and speaker. Oprah Winfrey is a global media leader and public figure. This book covered the four big happiness pillars: family, friendships, work, and faith. Here are some of my many takeaways:

  • Ask yourself the good questions: What does living well mean – for me, not according to someone else’s model – and how do I do it? What is genuinely worth striving for? What can I offer, and how can I serve? What lessons can I glean from my experiences, especially the toughest ones? How do I make the best use of my limited time on this earth?
  • Stop caring what others think. “We all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinions than our own.” “Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner.”
  • The key to finding meaningful work is to feel a sense of accomplishment and to believe that your job is making the world a better place. Look for a fundamental match between an employer’s values and your own. At the same time, put some space between your job and your life, and make friends and spend time with people who have no connection to your work.

Our impulses, amplified by the consumer economy, entertainment, and social media push us to spend our time idolizing money, power, pleasure, and prestige. These idols all stand in the way of enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose. They substitute pleasure for enjoyment, make satisfaction harder to attain and keep, and focus us on things that are trivial and not meaningful. The four idols are distractions to numb us to emotional circumstances we dislike and feel we can’t control.

I highly recommend this book for those interested in learning more about finding happiness in family, friendships, work, and faith.

5 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – September 12, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 7 Things to Spend Money On if You Want to Be a Happier Person

  • Experiences (over material goods) – collect moments, not things.
  • Invest money in relationships – pets, spouses, etc.
  • Personal development and education – think about what you like to learn about and find ways to grow and learn – buy books, take a course or attend a conference, take a trip somewhere to learn more about a culture, etc.
  • Anything related to health and wellness – gym membership, fitness equipment, therapy, quality food, etc.
  • Anything related to self-care and relaxation – massage, meditation class, hobbies, hiring a house cleaner, etc.
  • Acts of kindness and charity – spending money on other people makes us happier than spending money on ourselves. Gifts, charity donations, volunteering, etc.
  • Things that help you spend quality time in nature – outdoor activities, taking a trip in nature, etc.

What didn’t make the list? Having a bigger house, a fancier car, a designer purse, etc.

Optimal Health Daily – 10 Ways to Measure Progress (That Aren’t Weight Loss) by Amanda Wheeler

This podcast stood out to me because SO many people work out solely to achieve a certain weight or physique and are often left disappointed and discouraged from continuing to exercise because they aren’t achieving the weight they desire. There are so many reasons to exercise aside from just weight loss, and there are many other ways to measure progress that aren’t weight loss.

  • Weight lifted – Can you lift heavier this month than last month?
  • Recovery – How do you feel between sets? Are you able to bring your heart rate down quickly and bounce back in?
  • Reps for time – Can you do more work in the same amount of time or the same amount of work in less time?
  • Resting heart rate – if your resting heart rate is lower, your heart is more efficient. If you’ve been training and your resting heart rate goes down, that’s progress.
  • Aerobic window – the difference between your resting heart rate and your anaerobic threshold.
  • Mobility/range of motion – if you notice you can get more range of motion, that’s progress.
  • Energy – How do you feel during the day? Are you drinking caffeine to stay awake, or do you have a consistent pep in your step? If you no longer crash midday or reach for the extra dose of caffeine, that’s progress.
  • Sleep – Are you now waking up feeling rested? That’s progress.
  • Clothing – Is your clothing getting looser? Using clothing to measure progress is a great way to feel good about yourself without diminishing the feeling by the number on the scale.
  • Confidence – How do you feel about yourself? Feeling more confident is a measure of progress that gets overlooked.

Optimal Relationships Daily – 12 Relationship Truths I Wish I Knew 12 Years Ago by Marc Chernoff

  • You have to love yourself first. Fall in love with yourself and share that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self-love deficit.
  • You get what you put in. The true impact you make on people will depend on the time and attention you give to teaching those who know less, caring for those who have less, supporting those who are striving, and tolerating those who are different than you.
  • What most people think of you doesn’t matter. No one is ever going to care about your life and the way you choose to live it more than you will.
  • Friends and family won’t always support your goals, but you must pursue them anyway. Follow your intuition.
  • Life doesn’t always change as fast as people do. Not everyone is who you once knew.
  • Love requires three things: acceptance, honesty, and commitment.
  • A big part of who you become is who you choose to surround yourself with.
  • A soul mate is a person who brings out the best in you.

I really enjoyed this post from Seth’s Blog:

Your audiobook

“Your audiobook

Here’s a useful habit that’s more than a hack…

The next time things are going well, when a project is about to launch, when a meeting has been successful, when the sun is shining… take your phone and go for a walk.

Hit record on an audio app and make a twenty-minute audiobook. Talk about what you know, what you see, what you hope for. Talk about the change you seek to make and how you’re going to get there.

And then save it.

Save it for when you need to hear from that person who recorded it.

It might become the best audiobook you own.”

Before Breakfast – Be flexible on the details

It’s okay to have requirements but be flexible on the details of how people can achieve them. The more flexible you can be on the details, the more loyalty you will probably engender. For a great many things, it is the outcome that matters.

When people can have some choice and autonomy about the details, they feel more in control of their lives. High expectations seem less burdensome, which makes it more likely that they will be met.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

August 2024 Reads

amybenoit

I read seven books in August 2024 – the most I have read in one month since starting school this year. Here is a brief synopsis of the books I read in August, some of which I will post about in greater detail in the future.

“The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control” was written by Katherine Morgan Schafler, a psychotherapist, write, and speaker and former therapist at Google. I got SO much out of this book and my notes covered the review pages for 2 books instead of 1! This book explored types of perfectionists, lessons learned, and strategies of coping with perfectionism. I will most more about this book in the future, but for now, here are a few lessons:

  • I am mostly a classic perfectionist (and partially a Parisian perfectionist). I value structure, consistency, predictability, an understanding of all the options so as to make an informed decision, high standards, objectivity, and clarity through organization. I don’t like disorder, I have difficulty adjusting to schedule changes, and I tend to experience spontaneity as stressful. Itinerary-centered existence can rob classic perfectionists of the opportunity to grow in a way that wasn’t planned or goal-oriented.
  • Right now, with all the things you have yet to achieve, you are as worthy of all the love, joy, dignity, freedom, and connection as you would be had you already achieved them. You are worthy of all these things because you exist.
  • There are many raw manifestations of perfectionism:
    • emotional (want to experience a perfect emotional state)
    • cognitive (want to understand perfectly)
    • behavioral (want to behave perfectly in my roles and perform perfectly in my tasks)
    • object (want external thing, such as desk, hair, etc. to exist in a perfect state)
    • process (want process to begin, continue, and end perfectly)

5 out of 5 stars

“If my body could speak: poems” by Blythe Baird included poems mostly about rape and eating disorders. Here are some lines that stood out to me:

  • “If you develop an eating disorder when you are already thin to begin with, you go to the hospital. If you develop an eating disorder when you are not thin to begin with, you are a success story.”
  • “If your body could speak, would she forgive you?”
  • “One day after years of starving and gaining and fighting, I stepped on a scale and suddenly that number didn’t say anything about me…and that night nothing on my plate said anything about me either. Later, I got ice cream from a truck and I didn’t have to make myself earn it.”
  • “I found a way to heal through the poetry. The stage is the only place I could tell my story where it wasn’t a liability I was putting onto anyone. This stage is where i learned to stop hoarding my suffering.”
  • “Do not say you didn’t try. Remember: you did the best you could in the situation you were in with the materials you had.”

4 out of 5 stars

“Lessons Learned and Cherished: The Teacher Who Changed My Life” was compiled by Deborah Roberts, an award-winning ABC News journalist. This book was touching, although the stories seemed to have a specific format/agenda – nearly every essay mentioned that teachers are underpaid/underappreciated at the end of each essay.

Here are four of the lessons learned and cherished:

  • Every teacher has the potential to make a student feel connected, valued, and worthy. The greatest gift you can give is your full presence.
  • A difficult teacher can inspire you to persevere and believe in yourself. – Deborah Roberts
  • Teachers mean the world for a child’s development. Kids are not guaranteed a wonderful home base. Kids can be struggling with emotional distress or even violence, and their teachers can be the safe haven.
  • When a teacher believes in a student before they believe in themselves, they blossom. – Keri Shahidi

4 out of 5 stars

“Picturing Joy: Moments of Connection” was compiled by photographer George Lange. George’s work has appeared in many popular publications, and he has shot many of the iconic images from TV shows and ads for TV shows. This book was not quite what I expected. George shared stories of how he captured those moments. There were some great photos and interesting stories. Here are some takeaways from this book:

  • Photos are the artifacts of the experience a photographer creates. Photos reflect what he feels more than what he sees.
  • The role of a photographer is only to be hip enough to get in the room but not have to be the center of it. His approach is to create a space for people to reveal a part of themselves to him, and his intention is to find a way to put love out in the world.
  • “My time with subjects is often incredibly brief. A small window into a life I would never get to share without my camera.”

4 out of 5 stars

“To Hell With the Hustle” was written by Jefferson Bethke, the New York Times bestselling author of Jesus>Religion and It’s Not What You Think and host of The Real Life podcast. This book was not what I expected and seemed very scatterbrained, but there were some good takeaways. Here are some that resonated with me most.

  • When our work becomes who we are and we derive our ultimate value and meaning from it, it runs the risk of becoming our god – the thing we worship, bow down to, and become slaves of.
  • It’s time to stop and consider the cost of all this hustle, speed, and disillusionment. To hell with it – meaning we’re done and it comes from Hell. Jesus was never in a hurry. He was actively resisting cultural pressures on many levels. Hustle isn’t him.
  • Scripture doesn’t talk much about goals. It is focused on our identity and who we are becoming. Are we becoming more like Jesus by the practices and formations we are doing?
  • Have you ever noticed how a lot of Jesus’ miracles were not a part of his plan? They happened on his way somewhere else. You have to go at a pace that can be interrupted. That can be responsive to the moment in front of you.
  • The goal is “Well done, my good and faithful servant,” NOT “Well accomplished, my busy and hustled servant.” Well done. Faithful. If we want to get there, we have to actively resist the myriad voices and influences that subtly hypnotize us into a busier, noisier, more hustled lifestyle. Say no, that’s not the way of Jesus. That’s not the speed of Jesus. That’s not the cadence of Jesus. To hell with the hustle. I’ll take him instead.

4 out of 5 stars

“The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness” was written by Robert Waldinger, MD and Marc Schulz, PhD. Robert Waldinger, MD is a professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. Marc Schulz, PhD is the associate director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and a practicing therapist.

The Harvard Study of Adult Devlopment has followed the lives of two generations of individuals from the same families for more than 80 years – asking thousands of questions and taking hundreds of measurements to find out what really keeps people healthy and happy. I will post more about this book in the future, but for now, here are some lessons:

  • The good life is not a destination. It is the path itself and the people who are walking it with you.
  • Good relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer.
  • An investment in our social fitness isn’t only an investment in our lives as they are now. It is an investment that will affect everything about how we live in the future. Like a tree needs water, relationships are living things and need attention and maintenance.
  • Curiosity goes a long way in relationships. It opens up avenues of conversation and knowledge and helps others feel understood and appreciated.

5 out of 5 stars

“Calling A Wolf A Wolf” consisted of poems by Kaveh Akbar. To be honest, I didn’t really like this collection. The format of the poems bothered me, and the phrases were scattered with no punctuation. Here is an example:

There were many poems about alcoholism, but the language didn’t make sense to me. Here are a few lines I liked:

What Seems Like Joy – “My father believed in gardens – delighting at burying each thing in its potential for growth. Some years the soil was so hard the water seeped down slower than the green seeped up. Still he’d say if you’re not happy in your own yard you won’t be happy anywhere.”

Portrait of the alcoholic floating in space with severed umbilicus – “I always hoped that when I died I would know why. My brother will be so sad he will tell his daughter I was better than I was. He will leave out my cruel drunk nights the wet mattresses my driving alone into cornfields unsure whether I’d drive out.”

“Now I listen for the sighs of people who love me, each agitation I create a reminder that I am less than constant in my grace.”

2 out of 5 stars

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – July 25, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 10 Mental Health Improvement Strategies Therapists Prescribe Their Patients
  • Act contrary to how you feel. Explore the behaviors that reinforce that emotional state and act the opposite. Ex: depression may want you to stay in bed all day, but getting up and moving is the best thing. Change your behaviors first, and the feelings will often follow.
  • Challenge your negative thoughts. Intense emotions cause irrational thoughts. Challenge your thoughts and prove that you can do something. Prove that your thoughts aren’t always accurate.
  • Add structure to your day. Be intentional about building in healthy tasks and having structure outside of work, but also allow room for flexibility.
  • Schedule fun, meaningful things to do. Having something to look forward to is really good for your mental health. Schedule one fun or meaningful thing each week.
  • Spend time in nature. Nature has incredible benefits for our mental health; it reduces anxiety, improves concentration, reduces depression, and helps us feel happier overall.
  • Get physical activity. Exercise reduces stress and anxiety and improves self-esteem. Find an activity that you enjoy so that you can stick to it.
  • Find a way to relax. Watching tv and scrolling on your phone stimulates your brain, so aim for ways to relax your brain. If you invest time into caring for your mental health now, you will feel better and perform better later.
  • Work on something that you’ve been putting off. The more you put something off, the more you dread doing it and the worse you feel.
  • Take care of your body. Eat a healthy diet and get adequate sleep.
  • Get social support. The people you spend time with might be the biggest factor that determines how mentally healthy you are. Having positive people in your life reduces the symptoms of mental illness. Remove yourself from toxic relationships.
Sad to Savage – Little Things to Help You Get Out Of A Rut
  • Do a check in and figure out why you’re in a rut. Is your schedule day-to-day not fun? Are you not sleeping enough? Are you nourishing your body with food and water? What are you spending your time doing? Is that keeping you stuck? Are those things helping you or hurting you? What do you need to change?
  • Pick out a goal right now to work towards. Ex: train for a 5k, make a healthy meal 3x/week, build a new habit
  • If you’re someone who really likes to talk on the phone, talk on the phone when you’re outside on a walk. You could start making plans with friends on the weekend to go on a walk. Look up gyms in your area and go to the cheapest one. Go on a treadmill and find a show you will only watch while walking on the treadmill.
  • Redesign a space in your home. Change around the furniture.
  • Find a book to read. Find a book about something you want to learn more about.
  • Know that you are allowed to change your mind and your habits whenever you want. You can become whoever you want to become.
  • Try a new hobby.  Take a class.
  • Pay attention to the people you have in your life, the environments you have, the music you listen to, the content you consume, the people you follow … all of those things can contribute to you feeling like you are in a rut.
  • Make a list of things that make you feel happy that you can turn to when you’re feeling down. Ex: family time, running, going outside, reading, etc.
Chasing Life – Does Money Buy Happiness?
  • Money CAN buy happiness. Buy experiences (trip, dinner with friends, etc.). Experiences bring more happiness than material possessions. Make spending feel like a treat – hedonic adaptation.
  • Think about how your choices about money impact how you use your time. If it doesn’t have any bearing on how you spend your time, you can probably let go of spending money on that for now.
  • Buying time – if you can, buy your way out of something you dread doing. Ex: mowing lawn, cleaning house, grocery shopping, etc.
  • Another fact mentioned is that people who donate to causes/charities through recurring charges aren’t nearly as happy as people who get involved in person and directly see the impact of their monetary donations.
Self Improvement Daily – “You can have it your way.”

Burger King’s motto “Have it your way” is a welcome reminder that each one of us matters and deserves to be cared for. We don’t need to settle for how things are; we can create a new reality for ourselves.

We can pursue our ambitions with pride. We can change our future if we have the courage to do so. Being selfish in investing in yourself can be one of the most selfless things you can do because it can great the greatest impact on others.

If you’re overstretched at work and compromising your own health, that’s not having it your way. When we enforce better boundaries about our work hours, we can have more time to fulfill ourselves in other ways.

If you don’t have as much time for the things and people you love, or the energy to do anything at the end of a long day, that’s not having it your way. When we say no to others, we say yes to ourselves.

Reordering priorities and making a commitment will start to shape your life your way. Balance your personal life, care, and passions in a way that you feel good about by figuring out how it all fits together.

This post from Seth’s blog really resonated with me:

The two bicycle errors

The two bicycle errors

“Momentum activities like public speaking, board sports and leadership all share an attribute with riding a bicycle: It gets easier when you get good at it.

The first error we often make is believing that someone (even us) will never be good at riding a bike, because riding a bike is so difficult. When we’re not good at it, it’s obvious to everyone.

The second error is coming to the conclusion that people who are good at it are talented, born with the ability to do it. They’re not, they have simply earned a skill that translates into momentum.

There’s a difference between, “This person is a terrible public speaker,” and “this person will never be good at public speaking.”

And there’s a difference between, “They are a great leader,” and “they were born to lead.”

The thing about momentum activities is that we notice them only twice: when people are terrible at them, and when they’re good at it. That includes the person you see in the mirror.”

My reflection: we only notice when someone is really good or really bad at something. We don’t see the “average” and we often don’t see the process that it took to get to “good.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – November 30, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Last week I skipped Thoughtful Thursday and decided to post a Thankful Thursday post on my social media in honor of Thanksgiving, so here are some of the things I’ve learned in the past two weeks:

On Purpose with Jay Shetty – 10 Ways to Manage Stress & Anxiety During the Holidays
  • Remember you’re allowed to say “no.” You don’t need to go to every party or event. Say “no” ahead of time if you know you don’t want to go. Prioritize those that matter to you the most.
  • Take your paid time off. When you don’t take time off, you don’t take time to refuel.
  • Add some healthy meals and healthy habits between holiday events. We tend to stray from our normal eating patterns during holiday events.
  • Prepare yourself to know that some people and conversations will be triggering. Don’t waste your energy trying to convince them otherwise. Expect that it will happen so that you aren’t caught off guard. Expecting triggers is better than hoping they won’t happen.
  • Stop doing things just because someone else wants you to do them. The holidays are a time for you, and you should take time to do some of the things YOU want to do.
  • Make a budget for gifts!
  • Make sure you’re clear with people about what you want for gifts. As we get older, it becomes harder and harder for people to read our minds about what we want.
  • Plan ahead. Look at your calendar and make sure you aren’t going to be overwhelmed. Make sure you can be fully present at the gatherings you attend.
  • Make time to reflect this year. What do you want to add next year to make it better? What do you want to subtract next year to make it better?
  • Don’t abandon your self-care practices. The holiday season is often when we need self-care most to deal with the stress.
Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – Stressful Holiday Season? How to Manage Your Mental Health
  1. Design your holiday season. What kind of holiday season do you want this year? Figure out what your ideal holiday season would look like and how you are going to make this year ideal. Once you decide what you want the holidays to look like, you can decide whether to accept a holiday invitation or host a party.
  2. Use the last year test to determine how important something is. Ask yourself, “what did I buy that person last year?” If you have no idea, it probably doesn’t matter.
  3. Set time limits on certain activities. Ex: shopping for a gift, decorating, how much time you spend at a party.
  4. Create a list of what not to do. Ex: don’t go over your budget, don’t keep holiday cookies in the house, don’t say yes to invitations you don’t want to accept, etc. You can make your own list.
  5. Practice acceptance. You don’t have to force yourself to feel happy this time of the year. Keep going anyway without forcing happiness on yourself. You can also practice acceptance when it comes to dealing with others during the holidays (ex: political comments during the holidays).
Inside Out Money – End-of-year financial sh*it you need to do!
  • Max out your 401k or make sure you are maximizing your employer match. I know for many people, including me, contributing the maximum $22,500 is not feasible.  Note that some employers allow you to contribute a dollar amount or a % of each paycheck, and some only let you contribute a dollar amount.
  • If you max out your 401k early, you are losing out on your employer’s match for the rest of the year.
  • Max out your Roth IRA contribution if you would like to ($6,500 for 2023).
  • Max out your HSA if you are eligible for one.
  • Make sure you use your FSA if you aren’t allowed to roll over any amount into the next year. Spend the money this year.
  • Choose your medical plan for the next year. If you’re married, decide which plan to go on (your own or your partner’s).
  •  Schedule any doctor’s appointments that are still covered before the end of the year (physical, OBGYN appointment, dental visit, etc.)
  • Optimize around your deductible. If you’ve met your deductible and you need a colonoscopy or procedure, try to get it done this year.
  • Review your credit card rewards and ensure they don’t expire at the end of the year.
  • If you want to reduce your taxable income in 2023, look into charitable contributions.
  • Review your PTO balances and make sure you aren’t losing any that can’t be rolled over into the next year. Plan some of your days off for 2024.
  • Prep for your taxes.
  • Check your smoke and carbon monoxide detectors.
  • Review your expenses and set a budget for 2024.

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/if-you-work-hard

I loved this post from Gabe the Bass Player. This is his post:

“If You Work Hard…

November 24, 2023

…you will become better.

It doesn’t mean you’ll become great, or get paid, or get famous, or get to quit your day job, or win the comparison challenge, or break new ground, or get the credit, or get noticed, or be respected in the field.

It might. It could. I hope it does. Hard work might turn into all of those things for you.

But if you keep working hard you will get better. The increments might be big or small and the word ‘better’ might evolve in its definition over time…but better is where you’re heading if you’re willing to work.“

The perfect conditions

I loved this post from Seth’s Blog about how the perfect conditions will never happen; we need to take action anyway.

The perfect conditions

Somewhere, there is the ideal soil for growing mangoes. Or the best possible wave for surfing. Or the most romantic sunset for a proposal.

But it’s not right here and it’s not right now.

Our success has a lot to do with how we dance with conditions that aren’t quite perfect.

After twenty years of symptoms and pain, I recently had surgery and was diagnosed with endometriosis. I have been trying to educate myself about it since my diagnosis. This podcast and book were very educational!

The Women’s Vibrancy Code – Reclaiming Life from Endometriosis
  • Resources: Below the Belt documentary about endometriosis + Beating Endo book
  • The notes I am choosing to share are from both the podcast link and the Beating Endo book.
  • Symptoms: Endo can affect every organ system. Many are incorrectly diagnosed with IBS due to having constipation and/or diarrhea, bloating, and painful bowel movements. You can have painful periods, pelvic pain, penetration pain/painful sex, urinary frequency, UTIs, fatigue, exhaustion, and infertility. Everyone has different symptoms.
  • Endometriosis is an inflammatory disorder that impacts every part of the body. It causes gut issues, and those with endo have higher likelihood of autoimmune diseases.
  • Endometriosis is not just in the uterus. Endometriosis is external or outside of the uterus. Endo is not found in the uterus. Endometriosis is when we have endometrial-like cells outside of the uterus, and there’s no exit point for them.
  • Endometriosis can’t be seen on imaging unless there are cysts. True diagnosis is a surgical diagnosis. A positive diagnosis is possible only via analysis of excised tissue. Most doctors are doing the wrong surgery (ablation/burning of endometriosis). Excision (removing the endometriosis) is the recommended surgery.
  • 9% of female fetuses have endometriosis!
  • If the mom, grandma, aunt, or sibling has endometriosis, that daughter/granddaughter/niece/sibling is 7-10x more likely to have endometriosis.
  • It’s never too late to reclaim your life. Many people are diagnosed in their 30s and 40s. You can’t cure endometriosis, but you can take steps to manage symptoms.
  • Any relief from symptoms does not achieve the eradication of your endometriosis. The disease may still progress even when you are treating its symptoms. The only treatment is to cut the endometriosis out of you, and it can grow back.
  • Treatment to manage symptoms (does not cure endometriosis): pelvic floor physical therapy, working on anxiety/stress reduction, and integrative nutrition (anti-inflammatory diet and identifying triggering foods). Endometriosis is inflammatory in nature, so we need to take steps to combat inflammation. The authors emphasized that pro-inflammatory categories of food should be eliminated: gluten, dairy, soy, sugar, and artificial sweeteners.
  • 2 surgery options
    • Ablation – applying heat to endometriosis. This is surface level! It shrivels the inflammation, but it’s still there. This is the most common surgical method, but the least helpful.
    • Excision – physically cutting out and removing the endometriosis.
  • Some endometriosis specialists have done an extra fellowship in endometriosis. Make sure your diagnosis is done correctly and the specialist you’re seeing is actually trained in endometriosis. Make sure more than one biopsy is taken.

The Beating Endo book contained so much educational information and many resources!

Self Improvement Daily – “Happiness ‘when’ starts with happiness now.”

So many of us choose to postpone our happiness until another day. We tell ourselves:

  • I’ll be happy when… I get a promotion or earn more money.
  • I’ll be happen when… I get married.
  • I’ll be happy when… I go on vacation.

If you’re not finding ways to be happy right now with what you have, you’re not going to feel all that different when your circumstances change.

So instead of being “happy when”, what can you do to start being “happy now”? How can you set an intention, adjust your attitude, or otherwise change your mindset?

Tony Robbins says “happiness is progress”. If we have something that we’re improving at, it gives us something to be excited about, something to look forward to, and something to find purpose in.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

Life Lessons from “God Never Blinks: 50 Lessons for Life’s Little Detours”

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“God Never Blinks: 50 Lessons for Life’s Little Detours” was written by Regina Brett, and most of these essays originally appeared in the Plain Dealer (Cleveland) or the Beacon Journal. The author always thought that God must have blinked when she arrived because she ended up confused by nuns at age 6, became a lost soul who drank too much at 16, an unwed mother at 21, a college graduate at 30, a single mother for 18 years, a wife at 40, and got cancer at 41. Here are some of my favorite lessons from the book:

Reframe your mindset. Instead of saying you “have to,” say you “get to.” “I get to go to work today.” “I get to get groceries.”

No one else is in charge of your happiness. You are the CEO of your joy. It takes work to rewire your thoughts about yourself, but when you do, everything in your life changes for the better, especially your most intimate relationships. Get up, dress up, and show up. Do the best you can do today.

Living an abundant life doesn’t mean winning the lottery, marrying rich, or getting a raise. It starts with a raise in consciousness and spreads from there. It starts with knowing that what you want isn’t always what you need and often isn’t what you truly want. It starts with making smart choices that lead to long-term gratification.

When an argument has reached an impasse, get comfortable with saying “You aren’t going to convince me and I’m not going to convince you, so let’s agree to disagree.”

“How will I ever believe that I am good enough?” – By helping others believe that they are good enough.

Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful, or joyful. Decluttering forces you to let go of the past and creates an opening for the future. When you finally let go of the person you used to be, you get to discover the person you are now and the person you want to become.

Ground rules for relationships – use the mnemonic SAFE:

  • Secret – can the relationship pass public scrutiny? If a relationship has to be kept a secret, you don’t belong in it.
  • Abusive – does it harm or degrade you or your children in any way?
  • Feelings – are you in the relationship to avoid painful feelings? Is it a mood-altering relationship?
  • Empty – is it empty of caring and commitment?

Stay away from unavailable people, keep no secrets, beware of addictions, be the real deal, tell the world what you want in a partner, ignore the wrapper (a tender heart will outlive the washboard tummy), and create a greater you.

How not to write (the condensed version): wait until you have children, wait until they go off to college, wait until you have two hours of uninterrupted time to write, wait until you retire, wait until a doctor says you have six months to live, then die with your words still inside of you.

It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. Go for it. This one is up to you.

3 simple steps can change your life:

  • Choose something you need to say no to – no to an unhealthy relationship, projects that don’t need to be done by you, people who ask you to donate your time and talent to one more committee or commitment.
  • Choose one things you need and want to say yes to. Say yes to what enhances your life and the world around you.
  • Share those two things – the yes and no – with your biggest cheerleader.

If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. You already gave it to yourself. You don’t ask, you don’t get.

A 40th birthday gift idea for a spouse was to gather 40 letters/cards about how he/she impacted their lives. Too often we don’t hear what we mean to others until it is too late. If you keep your friends high on the priority list, even if you lose your health, you’ll still have what matters most. Your job won’t take care of you when you’re sick, but your friends will. Stay in touch with them.

Read the Psalms. No matter what your faith, they cover every human emotion. They offer praises as well as curses, consolation, desolation, boasts of strength, and cries of weakness and also reveal the many faces of God: powerful rock, shepherd, companion, comforter, provider, host, creator, judge, advocate, and deliverer.

Have a personal mission statement. The author’s personal mission statement is the Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying

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“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” was written by Bronnie Ware, an Australian author, inspirational speaker, songwriter, and mother. This book was inspired by a blog post from the author with the same name, and this book has been published in 32 languages. Bronnie worked in palliative care, and to be honest, I felt bored while reading at times. This book seemed to be focused more on the author’s autobiography than the regrets of the dying.

The most common regret is the regret of not having lived a life true to themselves. This was also the regret that caused the most frustration, as it was realized too late.

The top 5 regrets of the dying:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. Compassion starts with yourself. If we are all to become a product of our environment, the best thing you can do is to choose the right environments that suit the direction you want your life to move towards.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. There is nothing wrong with loving your work and wanting to apply yourself to it, but there is so much more to life. Balance is important. Our true value is not what we own, but who we are. Nobody wished they had bought or owned more. What most occupied the thoughts of dying people were how they lived their lives, what they did, and whether they made a positive difference to those they left behind (family, friends, community, etc.)

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. If you are already carrying guilt from things left unsaid to someone already dead, it is time to forgive yourself. You are not honoring your life by carrying guilt forward.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Don’t lose touch with the friends you value most. Those who accept you as you are, and who know you very well, are worth more than anything in the end. Don’t let life get in the way. Give yourself the gift of their company.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. Allow yourself to be happy without guilt. Don’t allow the opinions of others to become a part of who you are. Happiness is a choice.

We spend so much time making plans for the future and depending on things to happen at a later date to assure our happiness, or we assume we have all the time in the world, when all we ever have is our life today.

We miss out on a lot of potential happiness when we focus too much on the results rather than the journey. It is easy to think happiness depends on something falling into place, but things fall into place when happiness is already found.

The peace each of these people found is available now without having to wait until our final hours. We have the choice to change our life, to be courageous, to live true to ourselves, and to live without regrets.

Be who you are, find balance, speak honestly, value those you love, and allow yourself to be happy. Smile and know that this time will pass and good will follow.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – June 1, 2023

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My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

One of the best things I’ve heard this week is from this podcast.

Optimal Relationships Daily- If You Want to Know if Someone is Worth Your Time, Use the Ted Lasso Rule

If you want a quick way to determine if someone is worth your time, are they curious? Do they ask your questions? If not, are they worth even getting to know?

Many people skip the small talk in favor of talking about themselves.  They’re the ones missing out because they’re not being curious. Curiosity has been buried by ego.

Optimal Health Daily- Self-Care Ideas for Better Health and Nutrition by Danielle Omar
  • Thoroughly chew your food to improve digestion, engage the senses, and reduce energy intake.
  • Assess hunger and fullness to determine when it’s best for you to start and stop eating.
  • Reduce portion sizes and use smaller dishes to prevent overeating.
  • Eliminate distractions at mealtimes to better control food intake and focus on how food makes you feel.
  • Appreciate the food you’re eating without judgment and savor its appearance, smell, taste, and texture.
  • Eat foods that make you feel good.
  • Plan and prep your meals.
  • Satisfy your sweet tooth.

I gathered some dental insights from these two podcasts:

Science Vs – The Dentist: Toss the Floss? Flush the Brush?
  • Oral hygiene alone did not prevent cavities in studies done. Fluoride was the main component in preventing cavities.
  • Brushing with fluoridated toothpaste helps prevent cavities. Brushing might also prevent gingivitis and gum disease. Flossing may help with tooth loss as you get older. Sugar is bad for teeth. Some dentists are shysters.
Life Kit- ‘Do I really need to floss?’ and other common questions about dental care
  • Finding a dentist is more than just picking from a list. Every procedure that a dental hygienist does is proactive in helping to prevent inflammation and reduce inflammation. A dentist is going to restore or be reactive to disease. A dental assistant assists the dentist.
  • To evaluate if a hygienist is a good fit for you, see how receptive they are to answering your questions. For example, ask about proper brushing techniques. Have the hygienists observe what you do and see what feedback you get. Overall, you want to make sure that the practice is for you, not a random cash grab.
  • Red flags- offices that do a lot of aggressive advertising, free x-rays, free exams, and free goodies to lure you in. Once you are in the chair, those dentists know you are more likely to say yes to extra procedures.
  • Get specific about your fears and then you can talk about them with your dental team. A good practitioner is going to be a great educator and help ease those fears. Is it going to hurt? Is it going to cost a lot? Is my face going to feel numb?
  • Find someone you feel comfortable with who doesn’t shame you.

Saving money:

  • Dental schools are a great option if you are looking to save money. You get the benefit of getting many different opinions and great advice. If you have the time to do it, visits to a dental school may be less expensive, but will take more time. Appointments can take up to 4 hours instead of 1 hour due to many people checking you out and the training involved.
  • Can look for sliding scale or mobile dental clinics

Frequency and technique:

  • Most healthy patients should come in 2x/year. Some patients may only need to come in once a year.
  • Clean teeth are all about technique.  Use a soft, high-quality toothbrush (if manual, switch out every 4-6 weeks), non-nylon floss, tongue scraper, and low abrasive toothpaste.
  • Teeth whitening- health and aesthetics are not the same thing! White teeth are a status symbol, but not necessarily a marker of health. Teeth aren’t naturally white as snow; there is a slight yellow white hue of your teeth due to dentin, an inner layer of the tooth under enamel. So if a dentist is immediately bringing up whitening procedures without any evaluation of cavities, gum disease, or other issues, be wary.
  • Charcoal and whitening toothpastes are so abrasive that they can make your teeth super sensitive and potentially wear down your teeth. They are removing stains,but are not actually changing the color of your teeth.
Life Kit- Why the 5-minute walk break is so powerful
  • People who sit for hours on end develop chronic diseases, including diabetes, heart disease, dementia, and cancer at much higher rates than those who move throughout the day.
  • Taking a 1-2 minute walk once per hour lowers blood pressure. A 5-minute walk every half hour was able to offset a lot of the harms from sitting. Moving 5 minutes every hour resulted in the blood sugar spike after a meal being reduced by almost 60%. This may not be feasible with most office jobs, as you are losing 10 minutes of productivity each hour.
  • People are advised to get 150 minutes of moderate intensity physical activity each week (getting your heart rate up). You can break this up into 30 minutes a day 5 days a week, but small chunks of fast walking can count as well.
  • You will gain energy by moving every half hour or hour.
  • The whole point is to raise your heart rate—walking, dancing, etc.
Self Care IRL- Habits you have that you need to break TODAY!
  • Emotional eating– eating snacks and junk when you’re happy, sad, stressed, bored, etc. Be intentional with your eating and drink more water. Sometimes you think you’re hungry but you’re just thirsty.
  • Sitting for too long at one time– try to schedule a little break at the top of each hour to get up and move, use a sit-stand desk, etc. Boosts metabolism, reduces stress, and can create a more productive day
  • Hitting the snooze on your alarm clock. Go to sleep earlier than usual if you feel you’re not getting enough sleep each night.
  • Stop spending hours on social media. Daily social media users spend, on average, 2.5 hours on social media (including TikTok). It’s not always being used to relax or escape; it’s being used to procrastinate. Many people use social media to waste time. Limit your time on social media to 1 hour/day. You can use apps to monitor your social media intake. Instead of resorting to scrolling on social media with every spare moment, try reading, learning something from a podcast, moving around, or tackling something on your to-do list.
  • Working overtime. You give up family time, me time, and sleep time, and your physical and mental health starts to decline. If you don’t NEED the money, set time boundaries with your work.
  • These habits are draining our energy and preventing us from reaching our true potential.

I am guilty of most of these! I am focusing on being more intentional with breaking or limiting these habits this month.

Self Improvement Daily- Mistaking Happiness for Pleasure

We are designed to seek immediate gratification. Our unconscious pattern is to do things that make us feel good in the moment, which often conflicts with what makes us feel good later.

Sometimes we overindulge in a meal because we enjoy the taste of delicious food, but we end up feeling sick to our stomach later. Sometimes we scroll on social media when we are bored or procrastinating, and we later regret how we used our time.

You can feel happiness and pleasure in a moment, but pleasure is concerned with the present moment and happiness is concerned with your core values, growth, development, and well-being.

If you can be more discerning between the two, happiness and pleasure, pursue happiness. It will lead to a much more enriching life where you feel good about who you are and how you’re filling your life with genuine joy.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!