Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – August 3, 2023

The Productive Woman – 9 Reasons to Declutter
Sad to Savage – In My Running Era & Habits For The Last Half of 2023

I use my Silk & Sonder journal to track my habits and you can get a free digital habit tracker here. It looks like the photo below.

https://www.silkandsonder.com/blogs/news/free-silk-and-sonder-printable

Life Kit – Let’s have some cheap fun
The Jordan Harbinger Show – Fast Fashion- Skeptical Sunday
Sad to Savage – Your New Daily Affirmations
Book review posts, Uncategorized

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying

“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” was written by Bronnie Ware, an Australian author, inspirational speaker, songwriter, and mother. This book was inspired by a blog post from the author with the same name, and this book has been published in 32 languages. Bronnie worked in palliative care, and to be honest, I felt bored while reading at times. This book seemed to be focused more on the author’s autobiography than the regrets of the dying.

The most common regret is the regret of not having lived a life true to themselves. This was also the regret that caused the most frustration, as it was realized too late.

The top 5 regrets of the dying:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. Compassion starts with yourself. If we are all to become a product of our environment, the best thing you can do is to choose the right environments that suit the direction you want your life to move towards.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. There is nothing wrong with loving your work and wanting to apply yourself to it, but there is so much more to life. Balance is important. Our true value is not what we own, but who we are. Nobody wished they had bought or owned more. What most occupied the thoughts of dying people were how they lived their lives, what they did, and whether they made a positive difference to those they left behind (family, friends, community, etc.)

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. If you are already carrying guilt from things left unsaid to someone already dead, it is time to forgive yourself. You are not honoring your life by carrying guilt forward.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Don’t lose touch with the friends you value most. Those who accept you as you are, and who know you very well, are worth more than anything in the end. Don’t let life get in the way. Give yourself the gift of their company.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. Allow yourself to be happy without guilt. Don’t allow the opinions of others to become a part of who you are. Happiness is a choice.

We spend so much time making plans for the future and depending on things to happen at a later date to assure our happiness, or we assume we have all the time in the world, when all we ever have is our life today.

We miss out on a lot of potential happiness when we focus too much on the results rather than the journey. It is easy to think happiness depends on something falling into place, but things fall into place when happiness is already found.

The peace each of these people found is available now without having to wait until our final hours. We have the choice to change our life, to be courageous, to live true to ourselves, and to live without regrets.

Be who you are, find balance, speak honestly, value those you love, and allow yourself to be happy. Smile and know that this time will pass and good will follow.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – July 20, 2023

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Living Daily – Important Questions to Ask When Planning Your Week
  • What do I want/need to accomplish this week?
  • What’s the weather going to be like this week?
  • Is everything on my list in alignment with my unique priorities and values?
  • Is my to-do list for the week reasonable and realistic given my other commitments?
  • Do I have sufficient self-care scheduled in each day?
  • If something comes up last minute, do I have the flexibility to handle it with grace and ease?
NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – Social Media Shopping Tips, and Smart Spare Cash Investing
  • Everything on social media seems so urgent. Influencers say that there is a limited time to make this purchase with their discount code, so people are likely to make impulse purchases. Realize that you can probably find a different discount code later if you really want to.
  • Take the time to compare prices and check out reviews online before purchasing items on social media. You can use the Honey browser extension to pull in discount codes.
  • I have been tempted to impulsively purchase items on social media, but after looking at reviews online, I have decided against it many times. Keep in mind that many influencers are being paid to promote products and do not have your best interests in mind. Sometimes these products are not highly-rated.
  • Consider using a credit card for extra fraud protection.
  • Know how to save for emergencies and work to save 3-6 months of essential costs. Weigh your investment options.
  • Invest in stocks if you don’t need the funds for at least five years. This is because dips in the stock market can take time to recover.
  • Index funds are a popular investment option because they are hands-off. They can generate a reliable return over long periods of time. Index funds average returns of up to 10% each year.
  • If you want to be more active than index funds, you can buy mutual funds or exchange traded funds (ETFs) that target particular segments of the market (ex: technology, healthcare, etc.) You could also buy individual stocks. Researching individual stocks can take a lot of work and they are likely to fluctuate a lot.
  • Short-term options: high-yield savings account, money market savings account, CDs, and short-term bonds
Frugal Friends Podcast – How to Hack Your Next Vacation with Chris Hutchins
  • Use Google Flights to search for multiple dates, airports, and airlines
  • International travel: book flights to a major city near the non-major city you want to travel to and then look into local options to get to non-major city (saves $$$)
  • Negotiate your Airbnb, especially if last-minute or a lot of availability is showing on their calendar. Reverse-image search to see if this listing is posted elsewhere at a lower cost. Then try to negotiate. I have never tried this, but I have read many success stories!
  • Large families- ask hotels if they have a discount for booking a second room.
  • Book hotels directly on the hotel’s website. Ask for upgrades.
  • Use Autoslash.com for car rentals.
  • Airalo – directory of esims you can buy all over the world for international travel for your phone.
  • There is no amount of interest charged on a credit card that makes it worth getting points. If you can’t pay it in full each month, it’s not worth it.
  • If you’re using points and miles to go on a vacation, you could have used cash back to buy other things, so it’s not truly a “free vacation.”
  • In general, when you earn points and miles, you have two options: you can either use them as an equivalent cash rate (through Chase portal, Amex portal, etc.) or transfer the points to airlines and hotel rooms. Any trip you take using points is good. The best value you can get is to transfer the points to an airline and book directly.
  • Ways to earn: sign-up bonus with new card (spending $3-4k within first 3 months usually) or spending optimally. Some cards are great for airline tickets. Others are best for gas and groceries. Look at where you spend your money and choose a card that earns the most points on those categories. Some people use a card for a specific category and a different card for everything else.
  • Some cards are worth annual fees if the credits and perks they give you are utilized and worth more than the annual fee. Some cards come with travel credits, delivery credits, etc.
  • Travel hacking mistake: optimizing a trip by getting the best deal rather than going where you want to go and doing what you want to do.
  • Use points portals from your credit cards to get cash/points back with purchases you plan on making anyway, buy gift cards to meet minimum spends to get sign-up bonuses (Amazon, Home Depot, Menards, etc.) If your card awards you for grocery purchases, you could buy gift cards at a grocery store to maximize points. Retailer gift cards don’t have fees to buy them, but paying activation fees for things like Visa or Amex gift cards is usually not worth getting points for unless it is a last resort to achieve a minimum spend sign-on bonus.
  •  Get different auto insurance quotes every 6 months-1 year.
The Accidental Creative with Todd Henry – Excellent Advice for Living (with Kevin Kelly)
  • You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. You can’t reason someone out of a position that they didn’t reason themselves into. Most views are not going to be changed within an argument with logic. The best way to change someone’s mind is to try to listen to them and understand why they believe what they believe. You will have much more power to nudge them by using compassion and listening.
  • You really don’t want to be famous. Read the biography of any famous person. It’s a burden.
Stuff You Should Know – James Beard: Food Legend
  • James Beard is a very highly regarded chef who was self-taught with no formal training. He started the farm-to-table concept and new American cuisine. He made a name for himself by making food for cocktail parties.
  • In 1937, he moved to New York and taught himself how to cook. He published his first cookbook in 1940.
  • He published 20 cookbooks from 1940-1983.  In 1972, he published James Beard’s American Cookery, a 877-page compendium with 1,500 recipes, in which he tried to do for American cooking what his friend Julia Child had achieved for French cooking with Mastering the Art of French Cooking.
  • James Beard took French food and Americanized it and made American cuisine in the process.
  • He founded, with restaurant critic, Gael Greene, City Meals on Wheels. It is similar to meals on wheels but covers New York City.
  • Julia Child and James Beard were very good friends and were some of the most well-known chefs in America.
  • Many of Beard’s cookbooks are still in print, and he is acknowledged as one the most influential exponents of good cooking in the twentieth century. The James Beard Foundation in New York preserves his residence and makes annual awards that carry on his legacy.
  • The James Beard Foundation gave awards for great American chefs with a certificate and chef’s knife. The James Beard Foundation Award, the most coveted individual honor in the American food industry, is known as the “Culinary Oscar.” The Michelin Star is also highly coveted and is awarded to restaurants, not individual chefs.
  • James Beard Chef and restaurant awards started in the early 1990s. Wolfgang Puck was the very first winner. Bobby Flay once won rising star chef.
  • Restaurants that have been nominated for a James Beard award typically double their reservations and increase sales by 20-25%.
  • Controversies: some award winners have reputations of berating chefs and treating employees poorly. There is also criticism that most winners have been white male chefs.
  • The James Beard awards were canceled for 2020 and 2021. They said it was due to the pandemic, but insiders report that it’s because every award winner is white and they were already being criticized for lack of diversity.
  • There is now an ethics committee that evaluates nominees on a personal level. Private investigators now investigate the nominees. This has also brought significant criticism.

This post is directly from Seth’s Blog, one of my favorite blogs and the top business blog:

Goals and expectations

[a note to a frustrated friend, just starting out on a long career]

There are three reasons that our goals might not be achieved. In order of palatability, they are:

Perhaps the goals are too lofty, too based on chance, unlikely for anyone to achieve, surrounded by barriers that are rooted in class or caste, or simply unrealistic.

If that’s the case, change expectations and/or pick different goals.

Or, perhaps the goals are useful, but we need more persistence, more time and some hard-earned lucky breaks along the way.

If so, be persistently patient.

Alas, if it’s not these two, the most likely reason is that we need to walk away from our expectations and our insistence that we’re already doing the work perfectly. It could be that we need to expend more effort than we hoped, develop new skills, find and embrace new strategies and develop a taste for the emotional labor that’s required to get from here to there.

Empathy, a cycle of skills improvement, developing new attitudes and showing up in service often accompanies the careers of people who get from here to there.

Ambition is insufficient.

I love the Jordan Harbinger Show podcast and this free networking course was recommended to me. I started this week and am looking forward to completing it soon! In this incredibly helpful course, Jordan outlines (through video and text) how to build your network, reconnect with past contacts, and dig the well before you get thirsty. In other words, he provides guidance on how to maintain your network instead of just reaching out to people when you need something (ex: a job). I highly recommend this course for anyone looking to improve their networking skills. This practice will soon be added to my daily habits!

I heard this quote on TikTok this week and it has stuck with me: “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – July 13, 2023

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

TED Talks Daily – Are you an ethical true crime fan? 4 questions to ask
  • Ask yourself – Why am I interested in this? Some people are driven by a sense of community or justice, but others are intrigued by horror or morbid curiosity. If that’s the only reason you’re interested, it might be time to try something new.
  • How does this make me feel? Hedonic motivations are not ethical.
  • How might the people involved in this story feel? Are they being hurt? Is there a justifiable reason to inflict that harm? Can some good come from retelling the story, or is it just for entertainment?
  • Am I motivated to act?
As We Work – The Value in Being Invaluable at Work
  • People who are invaluable aren’t just doing their job well. They’re doing the job that needs to be done. They’re paying attention to what’s going on around them and point themselves to the work that has the greatest impact for the organization.
  • Indispensable people are high-performing in their realm. They are focused on what they want to do and are focused on what their role/job is. Impact players are oriented on what’s happening around them and what needs to be done.
  • Most valuable people figure out how to solve problems and do things. They do the job that needs to be done, move to where the action is, and are ready to learn.
  • To go from indispensable to invaluable, train others on the things you’re skilled in. To be invaluable, see the agenda and get on the agenda. Offer help on specific things. Don’t offer to help by saying “let me know if you need anything.” Invaluable people need to be mindful of doing work quietly and behind the scenes. We need to be actively making sure people see our work. Elevate your contribution and make people see the good work you are doing (gracefully).
  • Swoop in to fix a problem, make a thoughtful contribution, offer to help, teach others how to do things only you know how to do, look around and above you to learn the company’s agenda and try to do that work. Don’t be afraid to share what you know.

Here are some recommendations to be invaluable at work:

  • Don’t be afraid to take the lead and take ownership.
  • Embrace change.
  • Derive and offer solutions to challenges or problems.
  • Focus more on the work that matters, not the work that spins the wheels. Anticipate needs and be proactive.
  • Be a thought leader. Apply yourself in a way that provides new and valuable thinking that benefits your team or company.
  • Take initiative.
  • Seek to gain more knowledge and always share knowledge and demonstrate your worth.
Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast – The Worst Nutrition Mistakes that Everybody Makes (Avoid These)
  • Restrictive diets – keto, low carb, no carb, fasting. Instead, follow something you can consistently do long-term.
  • Skipping meals – can lead to making poor decisions and overeating later on
  • Not reading food labels- try to choose items that have more protein than fat.
  • Eating too many processed foods- high in sugar, salt, fat, and preservatives
  • Not getting enough fruits and vegetables
  • Overeating – usually caused by eating too quickly or not paying attention to feelings of fullness
  • Focusing on the micro over the macro – ex: focusing on supplements instead of proper amounts of water, focusing on timing of meals instead of protein intake
Speaking of Psychology – What does modern retirement look like? With Mo Wang, PhD
  • For many people, retirement is no longer an abrupt end to their working lives, but a slow process of transition. Many people participate in bridge employment, which occurs when they actively retire but still engage in paid work activities part-time. 2/3 of people generally engage in bridge employment before retiring.
  • Many people are not working for the money in retirement. They instead want a social environment and begin working again.
  • When organizations offer flexible work arrangements such as remote work, they are most likely to keep their older employees, who often delay retirement.
  • Retirees who retire from stressful or physically demanding jobs often experience an improvement in well-being in retirement. Others experience a decrease in well-being if they had a job with high status or have financial difficulties.
  • In today’s current Social Security system, two workers are supporting one retiree.
  • You need to find an identity outside of your work to maintain a sense of well-being!
  • When considering retirement, ask yourself what you would like to do during retirement, have a plan for leisure activities, where you would like to live, and who you want to share retirement with. Without having a plan, many people lose their sense of identity or become bored because work was their entire identity.
The Clever Girls Know Podcast – 21 Money Myths to Ditch Now

Myths:

  • Myth: Money is the root of all evil. Fact: Money in itself is not evil. Change your mindset and think of money as a tool.
  • Myth: You cannot negotiate your bills. Fact: If you don’t ask, you aren’t going to know.
  • Myth: Building generational wealth is for the rich. Fact: Anyone can do this. Transferring generational knowledge (lessons about responsibility, lessons about investing) is a way of transitioning generational wealth. It doesn’t always need to involve monetary assets. Invest small amounts of money as you can. You choose what aspects you want to transition, whether it’s assets or knowledge or both.
  • Myth: Personal finance is confusing and complicated. Fact: It can be but doesn’t have to be. It’s up to us to take the time out to understand the basics of financial literacy. Personal finance can become easy to understand by taking action and reading a book or researching. Knowledge is power.
  • Myth: You should always buy the cheapest option. Fact: Sometimes the cheapest option is not the best option. Sometimes it is worth investing a little more to get quality over quantity.
  • Myth: It is impossible to have fun and save money at the same time. Fact: It is possible with good planning to live a good life and do things that make you happy while also saving money at the same time. It’s all about prioritizing and determining where you are going to spend your money. It’s all about doing things that matter to you that you enjoy and compromising priorities so that you can do both.
  • Myth: You need tons of money to start investing. Fact: You can start investing with small amounts. The key to investing is investing consistently over time. Small amounts add up due to compound interest.
  • Myth: Credit cards are bad for your finances. Fact: Credit cards are a tool. You need to build a budget and be able to pay the balance in full each month. Leverage credit cards as an option to built your credit.
  • Myth: Renting means you’re throwing away your money. Fact: You aren’t building equity, but renting offers flexibility and can be less expensive, especially if you need to move a lot. You don’t have the home expenses of repairs and renovations. Homes come with their own set of expenses and they can be very costly. Plan out your finances so that you are able to rent or buy a house AND invest at the same time.
  • Myth: Having a balance on your credit card is good for your credit. Fact: Avoid paying high interest by paying your balance in full. Credit companies want to see use of credit as well.
  • Myth: You can’t retire until you’re 65 or older. Fact: You choose when you want to retire by determining how aggressive you want to be with your retirement goals and exploring options to accelerate your goals toward early retirement. Early retirement is not for everyone. If it’s something you want to pursue, you will need to restructure your plan and save aggressively for retirement.
  • Myth: Investing is hard. Fact: Investing CAN be hard but doesn’t have to be. Learn how investing works by learning the basics and picking a low-maintenance low-cost index fund. Do your research, understand your risk tolerance, and get clear on your goals and objectives about why you are investing.
  • Myth: Your 401(k) can serve as your emergency fund. Fact: You should not be leveraging your 401(k) as an emergency fund. You will be hit with fees, penalties, and income tax. Save your 401(k) for retirement.
  • Myth: You cannot save if you have debt. Fact: You may have a mortgage, student loans, and credit card debt, but you can still save for retirement and should contribute up to your employer match due to the power of compound interest. Debt payoffs can take several years. That’s years of time that you are missing out on compound interest.
  • Myth: If you have a credit card, you do not need an emergency fund. Fact: A credit card is not an emergency fund because you will need to pay interest – often a high interest rate. Do not leverage a credit card as emergency savings. Instead, put money aside for emergency savings.
  • Myth: You should pay off your mortgage as quickly as possible. Fact: You should pay off high-interest debts first (such as credit cards).

To date, the biggest money mistake I’ve made is that I waited to save for retirement until after I paid off my student loans.

  • Myth: Don’t worry about retirement until you’re older. Fact: You want to begin saving for your retirement as soon as possible!
  • Myth: Student loans are the best way to finance your education. Fact: You should explore other options such as grants, scholarships, help from family members, and working part-time first.
  • Myth: You can never pay off debt. We are not all meant to be in debt. Fact: Prioritize paying off debt, especially high-interest debt. It is possible to pay off debt.
  • Myth: Money is a private topic and should not be talked about with anyone. Fact: Money can be private, but you grow from sharing and learning from others’ experiences and getting support and accountability. Find people and resources that you trust and leverage them to help you navigate through any financial situations you are facing and educate and empower yourself to do well with your money.
  • Myth: Money can’t buy happiness. Fact: The bottom line is that money is a tool and you can leverage money to achieve the things and buy the things that truly bring you joy.
Self Improvement Daily – Jumpstarting A Dead Battery

It’s fascinating to think about how a car is capable of producing its own energy, but it loses that ability with a dead battery. It has wasted potential because it cannot self-start and initiate the process that could fix it, yet a small outside spark is all it takes to kick the engine into gear so that it can return to its normal energy producing process.

There’s a similar process without ourselves, but instead of it being useful when we’re out of electricity, an outside force can help to reignite our self-belief. In the face of a major setback or failure, we sometimes find ourselves completely drained of self-belief and incapable of restoring it. The outside spark in this case is encouragement. All it takes is a little encouragement to jumpstart your self-belief and get you back on a better path.

We need more people seeking out opportunities to help each other, uplift each other, and to see the good in others that they fail to see themselves. There may be someone in your life who needs to be seen, acknowledge, supported, and encouraged. Be that person for others and let them reignite their self-belief.

I have finished reading two books in the past week.

“The Mountain is You” was written by Brianna Wiest and emphasized the many ways self-sabotage obstructs our paths to becoming our best selves. I read this book as part of a book club I’m in. This book was very reflective and educational and covered patterns indicative of self-sabotage and how to tell if you’re in a self-sabotage cycle. 👍 Aside from the many examples, here are some of my favorite points:

➡️“Arriving” often makes us hungrier for more. When we want something really badly, it is often because we have unrealistic expectations associated with it. We imagine it will change our lives in some formidable way, and often, that’s not the case.

➡️What you do every single day accounts for the quality of your life and the degree of your success. It’s not whether you “feel” like putting in the work, but whether or not you do it regardless. ❤️ Listen to your behaviors. Filter out the noise. Manage your discomfort by making small changes. Become the best version of yourself. Find your inner peace.

“13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do” was written by Amy Morin, a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and an instructor at Northeastern University. This book covered the 13 things mentally strong women don’t do in detail and included bullet lists of what’s helpful and not helpful with each of these traits. Here are a few takeaways:

“If you woke up tomorrow and a miracle had occurred, how would you know things were better? What would you be doing differently?” Go do those things. Change your behavior first and you’ll change how you feel.

Although I have really improved my mental strength in recent years, I often still struggle with some of the traits mentally strong people don’t do: insist on perfection (of myself and others), overthink everything (get caught up in analysis paralysis), and blame myself when something goes wrong. I loved this consideration: You can influence others, but you are not responsible for their choices. You have no way of knowing how things would have turned out if you had done them differently. You made your choices based on the information you had then, not the information you have now. Change the story you tell yourself. ❤️

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

Still Doing Life: 22 Lifers, 25 Years Later

Still Doing Life: 22 Lifers, 25 Years Later” was an eye-opening book written by Howard Zehr and Barb Toews, who first interviewed people in this book in the early 1990s and followed up with them in 2017. Their first interviews resulted in the book “Doing Life: Reflections of Men and Women Serving Life Sentences.” Of note, those who have not managed to mature and change for the better are underrepresented in this book. This book was also published by New Press, a nonprofit public interest publisher.

MANY statements stood out to me. I didn’t agree with all of them but enjoyed reading new perspectives. The quotes I took from this book emphasized the weight of uncertainty of life sentences/release dates, prison sentences harming families and loved ones, rehabilitation, justice, trauma healing, and restorative justice.

Disclaimer: These are quotes that resonated with me. I do not agree with all of them. I am sharing them as simply quotes to provoke thinking, and these are not necessarily my views or opinions or those of my employer.

“The meeting with the victim’s family, telling her what actually happened, was the best thing in my whole incarceration. She told me what the loss meant to her and was understanding of what it’s done to me, and how I’ve changed and grown. It’s rewarding to know that, even after 35 years, they aren’t hating you, being vindictive, or wishing you were dead. They’re on my visitor’s list, send letters and cards, and have written letters for my commutation.”

“People think that rehabilitation means the system has succeeded in their program to be rehabilitate you…you have to rehabilitate yourself. There are women who have been here almost as long as I have who are no further ahead than the day they stepped in. There are others who are a true success story. These women chose to grow and to rehabilitate themselves, to make their lives not only suitable for the outside, but very suitable for living in prison.”

“I don’t favor life without parole because I think anyone can change. To say a person made a mistake and then lock them up for the rest of their life is inhumane. Actually, I would describe a life sentence as a death sentence. There’s a good possibility you will never get out.”

“They got a whole lot of lifers that they need to let out. Lifers could be an asset on the street because lifers know what it’s like to be out there. They are wasting the taxpayers’ money. They’re wasting a lot of good minds. I could talk to children and tell them what it’s like to drop out of school and get involved with drugs because I’ve been there before. If you can give a child any kind of experience, it’ll help more than telling them they shouldn’t do something.”

“Now I understand NOT the excuses for why it happened, but why it happened. It makes me able to accept my blame and not use someone else as a scapegoat. I know what I allowed with my codependent actions, my need for someone else, my fear of abandonment, the fear that I couldn’t make it on my own. Now I don’t think there’s much I can’t do on my own. Today I’m a healed individual. I’m more understanding and compassionate, but not to the point of letting someone else use me again. I’m a supportive individual, but there’s a limit to my being able to give beyond my boundaries. Before, I didn’t know I had boundaries.”

“I believe I’ve been forgiven by my God and myself, but it’s the forgiveness of the family of the victim and my family that’s the problem. I’m deprived of the opportunity to face them. If locking me up for the rest of my life would bring my victim back, I would understand. But that’s not the case. Justice without mercy isn’t justice. I need to be punished, but I need mercy to be fully restored.”

“It’s been rough on my family to see me here. It hurts them more than it hurts me. I know what’s going on with the family and children, but I try not to interfere with their lives. I’m the one who’s being punished, but they’re being punished too. It hurts more than it’s supposed to.”

“I would describe a life sentence as doing something you don’t want to do, being with people you don’t want to be with, being somewhere you don’t want to be. Not having your fate within your control. Life without parole is a death sentence without an execution date. You should be able to live in anticipation of something. The anticipation involved in being without you freedom should be the anticipation of being free.”

“I lived in a prison in my own home with an abusive husband. When I first came to jail, it was a refuge. I didn’t have to worry if he was going to kill me. But it didn’t take too long for the reality to set in. I’ve gone through stages. There was a period when it wasn’t hard, because the life I had before was rough. When I came to jail, I was safe for the first time. Now it’s getting really difficult. I’ve done everything I can do here. I’ve taken every opportunity the prison offers.”

“Many of us have grown up since we’ve been here. Our thought processes have certainly changed, so we want to feel and live this humanity, and live a normal life. I don’t know how we can sugar coat that it’s a totalitarian system here. It’s like: feed the dogs two times a day, let them go out to the bathroom, let them run around a little bit, then put them back in.”

“I was put in prison because I was a danger to society. I realize that. They did the right thing. But now, having lived in prison for the last 30 years as a responsible, model prisoner? I’ve worked in the recovery program. I’ve started programs at different prisons I’ve been at. I’ve made a responsible life in here. I’m no longer a threat. Why do I have to continue to be held in prison, when I can go out there and replicate exactly what I’m doing here? Especially after the prison has done what it’s supposed to do as far as transforming and changing individuals.”

“I’m not requesting commutation. They would notify the victim’s family, and they would have to go through this all over again. I couldn’t do it. I’ve been able to work through the crime myself, but to put them through it? No. I accept being here. I’m okay with that.”

“If I had one wish, I would ask to get out of jail and have the opportunity to reestablish my family life and myself as a productive citizen in society. Do the things the way that I should have done the first time I was out, like being more active in the community and with children so I could influence those who may be heading in this direction. Incarceration is an experience that sticks with you, but you can share it with people – not to intimidate them, but to try to convince them that this isn’t a worthy lifestyle.”

“Just because you’re in prison doesn’t mean you have to be hard and cold. Sometimes the smallest thing like a smile or a word of concern can lift someone so high. I refuse to let this place make me afraid to be human. I refuse to walk around here with my head hung down, and I refuse to let authority strip me of my pride and my dignity and my sense of who I am. I may be an inmate, a prisoner, whatever label you choose, but I am a person first.”

“That was restorative justice for me: Did I have things in my life that needed to be restored? Could I truly see other people’s positions besides how things affected me? How were other people affected by things that I might have done or said?”

“Trauma not transformed is often trauma transferred. Hurt people hurt people.”

Trauma healing requires safety, acknowledging painful experiences, and reconnection. People must “find themselves” in ways that restore self-worth, such as uncovering new skills, interests, and gifts. They must create community by participating in educational, therapeutic, and service programs and organizations. They must also value and nurture relationships outside prison walls by addressing people impacted by their actions, especially those most directly victimized by them.

“Meaningful accountability in the case of total violence is difficult to conceptualize because a deceased person cannot be brought back to life. Loved ones left behind know this better than anyone. Yet accountability is possible to some degree through the acknowledgement of responsibility for the violence, an understanding of the harm caused, taking steps to ensure the violence will not happen again, and paying it forward by helping others.”

This book was particularly interesting given my current career. To emphasize, these quotes are all taken from the book and do not necessarily represent my personal views or the views of my employer.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – July 6, 2023

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast – 10 New Habits to Add to Enrich Your Life to Become Fitter, Healthier & Happier
  1. Make a habit of waking up earlier.
  2. Get sunlight as early as you possibly can.
  3. Minimize screen time, especially early in the morning.
  4. Put your money where your mouth is and invest in yourself.
  5. Utilize cold showers as well as hot/cold therapy.
  6. Have a self-reflection process (meditation, breathing, journaling, etc.)
  7. Take time for self-care. Examples: journaling, meditation, going on a walk with no stimulus, being alone with your thoughts
  8. Be a life-long student. Challenge what you know and reaffirm what you know.
  9. Aim for 10k steps per day.
  10. Check out of your day and create a plan for the next day each evening.
  11. Set a phone cut off time each evening, utilize different focus modes on your phone, and cut out social media before bed.
TED Talks Daily – How to be a team player — without burning out with Rob Cross
  • We are doing more collaborative work than ever before, and the problem is that it is overloading us. Collaboration can help us work better and smarter, can help us come up with ideas we never would have had on our own, and can make us happier than executing tasks alone. Collaborative work is now taking up to 85% of people’s work week.
  • We are often too eager to jump into collaborations that burn up our time. About 50% of the collaboration overload problem starts with the beliefs we have about ourselves and what it means to be a good colleague and a productive person.
  • Trigger: the desire to help others – can get so bogged down in helping that it prevents you from meeting your own goals and over time, you become a bottleneck slowing others down. The need for accomplishment – the cycle can get addictive. It leads you to solve more and more small problems for other people and avoid the bigger ones critical to your success. Fear – fear of missing out – frantic need to be apart of something, fear of losing control, fear of what others will say. These fears drive unproductive choices and lead us into burnout.
  • Learn to get comfortable saying “no.” Be clear about what projects or deadlines you have. Every “yes” means saying “no” to something else. Remember you can delegate. Look for moments where you can give partial direction or empower someone. Be intentional in crafting your work life. Ask yourself how it aligns with your goals, how much time it will take, and what the upsides are.  

I can relate to this! I have a tendency to want to help others, feel accomplished or useful, and fear what others will say if I don’t help with something and have a free moment. It has caused burnout in the past and is something I am slowly working on.

Disclaimer: These next two podcast episodes were about different methods to parenthood. I am not personally undergoing either of these, but was curious to learn more, as NerdWallet has been covering the price of parenthood recently and had an episode about adoption. I wanted to see how these methods compare to adoption.

NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – The Price of Parenthood: In Vitro Fertilization and the Future of Parenthood
  • More than 73,000 babies were born via IVF in 2020 from over 300,000 implantation cycles.
  • It is impossible to find an average cost, as the cost differs from state to state, insurance company, medications you take, and how many cycles you go through.
  • IVF- some insurance covers a few rounds and some insurance doesn’t cover any.
  • Initial cost: testing and medications needed: $5,000. Procedure cost for 1 cycle (collecting eggs and fertilizing them): $11,000 + costs of pregnancy and childbirth. Some patients do IVF and surrogacy. It may take several cycles of IVF for a successful pregnancy, and there is an added cost for each cycle.
  • IVF is generally considered a luxury treatment because it is not readily available to people who don’t have $. Insurance generally does not cover the cost, and people often go through a few cycles!
NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – The Price of Parenthood: How Egg Freezing Works
  • Some insurance companies are required to cover medically necessary fertility preservation (sperm or egg freezing). This is often the case when patients are undergoing chemotherapy and desire to have kids someday.
  • Some insurance companies cover egg freezing even without a diagnosis that warrants it. Some insurance companies cover testing, procedures, and medication with a lifetime maximum benefit of $15k for procedures and $10k for medication.
  • You can save up by maxing out your HSA contributions every year.
  • Extraction costs= $6k-8k. You also need to pay for medications that can cost thousands of dollars. This is for one round of freezing, and generally people need at least two rounds. The cost is estimated at $20-$30k for two rounds. Storage costs average about $500/year.
  • One thing I found interesting is that egg freezing carries a similar cost of adoption!
Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast – Debunking 7 Fitness Myths Everyone Believes
  • Myth: More sweat = better results and better workouts. Fact: Focus on progressive overload. The sauna is not your saving grace for losing weight; you are just losing water. Sweat every day.
  • Myth: Spot reduction. Fact: You are better off working your body as a whole.
  • Myth: Lifting weights will make women bulky. Fact: You need a combination of strength training with cardio.
  • Myth: You can build a great physique with just cardio. Fact: Lifting will improve your muscularity and physique. Lift 3x/week minimum.
  • Myth: You have to eat entirely clean to make progress. Fact: Allow yourself some treats.
  • Myth: Stretching before exercise will prevent injuries. Fact: Stretching can actually increase the chances of injury.
  • Myth: No carbs after (insert time here). Fact: Setting time limits on carbs is not necessary.
Food, We Need to Talk – A “Healthy” Relationship with “Unhealthy” Food ft. Jordan Syatt
  • In junior high, Jordan recalls his time in wrestling, where he and others went to extreme measures to “make weight” for competitions, such as working out in a sweatshirt, not drinking any water, and skipping meals. These practices can lead to eating disorders – wrestlers often binge eat then starve themselves to make weight for competitions.
  • Power lifting helped get over his eating disorder. He took his focus away from trying to be lean to trying to gain strength and knew he had to fuel his body properly. He became a 5-time world-record power lifter.
  • If you are hyper-focused on weight, it is important to have a balance between clean eating and splurges. A more balanced diet decreases binges.
  • Calorie counting can trigger binge eating for some people. As soon as a limit is put on how much you can eat that day, some people view it as a countdown to eating until you’re all out of calories.
  • Be more self-aware and structured with your diet by adding more fruits and vegetables.
  • Being strict about only eating clean food can lead you to say no to social gatherings, refrain from eating cake at birthday parties, and refrain from some foods you love. Allow yourself to splurge sometimes. You can have any food you want. The majority of your food should be whole, minimally processed, nutrient-dense foods: fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, high fiber, and whole grains.

You should have zero guilt or negative emotions for having treats in moderation.

  • Jordan ate a Big Mac every day and ate a healthy diet overall and exercised regularly. He lost seven pounds in one month. The purpose of the Big Mac challenge was to show that you can still have treats and make progress as long as you are consistent with the other aspects of your life (overall nutrition and exercise).
  • If something scares you, it’s probably the right move. If stopping counting calories scares you, you should probably stop counting calories. If taking a rest day scares you, you should probably take a rest day. If going to the gym scares you, you should probably go to the gym.
Switched on Pop – My Beyonce Ticket Cost $4,000: Why The Touring Industry Might Be Broken
  • People were put in groups on Ticketmaster. You had to apply to a tiered status to try to get tickets. It’s like a lottery system. People are placed on waitlists.
  • The concert industry is broken. Part of the problem is Ticketmaster. Tickets and fees have never been more expensive. Some people spend thousands of dollars on tickets to Beyonce or Taylor Swift, and even nosebleed tickets are hundreds of dollars.

The monopoly of Ticket Master Live Nation has a total chokehold of the industry. They control the venues, they are the promoters, they are the management of the artists, they control the sale of tickets, and they control all aspects of the live music industry. Before they merged, Ticket Master was solely a ticketing agency. Live Nation was historically an artist manager and promoter. Live Nation was considering their own ticketing world to compete with Ticket Master, and they eventually merged.

  • AEG (a competitor promoter) was used for Taylor Swift’s tour. They still had to work with Ticket Master on selling the tickets they were promoting.
  • Solutions: legislation restricting the second-hand market in certain ways or a breakup of Ticket Master Live Nation so that it isn’t a monopoly.
The Jordan Harbinger Show – Fireworks – Skeptical Sunday
  • The fireworks industry netted $2.2 billion in 2021.
  • Cons: fireworks damage property, pollute the environment, and literally blow off fingers. Firework injuries are up 25% in the last 15 years. About 4,800 people per year have hand or finger injuries due to fireworks.
  • Fireworks emit metals and gases into the air.
  • The fear that fireworks conjure fascinates us. Neuroscientists say that the reason we enjoy fireworks is because they frighten us – similar to horror movies and haunted houses
  • Los Angeles had its worst air quality in a decade after the fourth of July in 2022.
  • There are over 14,000 fireworks displays in the U.S. alone during the 4th of July weekend. Fireworks used to celebrate independence temporarily increase particulate pollution by an average of 42%.

The Veterans’ Administration website indicates that fireworks often trigger combat veterans’ PTSD, resulting in flashbacks and nightmares. Many of them need to plan to get away from firework shows. Pets are also impacted and are often terrified. Some animals become so frightened that they run away. According to the American Kennel Club, more pets go missing during July 4th weekend than any other time of the year. In an ironic twist, the celebration of America can cause our nation’s iconic mascot, the bald eagle, to abandon their nests.

  • According to the National Fire Protection Association, fireworks account for approximately 19,500 fires per year, leading to an estimated $105 million in property damage.
  • The political and monetary reasons for fireworks are massive. Many people believe fireworks are protected by the second amendment (gunpowder). Gunpowder fuels the fireworks.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – June 29, 2023

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Science Vs – Who Killed Affordable Housing?

Who killed affordable housing? Accusations are flying around all over the place of the culprit: greedy landlords, developers, the short-term rental industry, and too many baby boomers active in the housing market causing millennials to not have a chance.

  • Developers: often described as “rip-off artists, greedy, bulldozers, opportunists” out to make a profit off of housing.
    • Many people think developers are responsible for raising the price of neighborhoods.
    • Brand new apartments are going to be more expensive than older ones in the same way that new cars are more expensive than older cars. So the new market-rate building on your block is not going to be affordable unless you’re making good money.
    • It’s generally not true that the building itself raises the prices of other buildings/rents in the neighborhood. Sometimes your rent will go up, but it isn’t because of the new development; it’s because you’re living in a desirable neighborhood that is seeing prices rise. That’s why the developers chose to put a new building there.
    • Developers aren’t the heroes, but they aren’t the villains.

Airbnb: draws a lot of criticism and blame – most Airbnbs are entire homes, not a spare room or couch in someone’s home as the company was originally created to provide. Today, the vast majority (79%) of Airbnb supply are entire homes and apartments, and this has been the fastest growing component over the past 3 years as Airbnb grows further from its sharing economy roots. Studies have shown that Airbnbs are responsible for 20% of the increase in rent of the time period studied.

  • Zoning: the rules that a city makes about what can be built and where it can be built.
    • Many cities require a certain percentage of single-family detached homes. Some cities have laws that require 3 parking spots per studio apartment! This is a sneaky way to make it harder to build more housing/apartment buildings.
    • Some zoning codes require minimum lot sizes – for example, in Connecticut, many homes require almost 2 acres of land per house even if not in a rural area! So many houses have doubled in size since the 1950s.
    • Los Angeles is 74% single-family zoned. Seattle is 80% single-family zoned. The bottom line is that research shows that places with more red tape from zoning are more expensive.

Supply and demand: Demand for housing has gone up. Back in the 1980s, rules changed about how financial institutions could lend money for mortgages. After that happened, more people had access to loans for mortgages, so people who previously weren’t eligible were now eligible, so now we are in a bidding war. When prices go up, housing becomes more valuable, and that attracts investors.

Frugal Friends Podcast – The Best Money Saving Tips for 2023
  • Housing, transportation, groceries, taxes, and healthcare expenses make up about 72% of consumer spending.
  • The biggest tip to saving money is to figure out what you value. You can spend money on the things you value and focus on saving money on what you don’t value. Example: one of my values is finding and trying gluten-free dairy-free items at a discount grocery store. I allow myself to splurge on these discounted items when I occasionally shop.
  • Work on always aligning your spending with what you value or always trying to increase or decrease your income to be enough for what you value. Can you look at your bank statement and be happy with it?
  • Don’t feel pressured to spend money on things others value. Example: latest fashion, expensive happy hours/restaurants, latest technology. Say no as often as you say yes so that you can empower yourself to know more about yourself and what you value.
  • Simplify to streamline. Simplify your physical space to save money on other important physical products. Simplify your schedule for less takeout and services. Simplify your digital life for fewer online purchases and subscriptions.
Life Kit – How to start running in the body you have
  • Many people struggle with their inner critic: “I’m not a runner.” Name that inner critic and tell it to chill out.
  • Gear: pick up a new pair of running shoes. Go to a running specialty store and get a gait analysis/shoe fit. Get shorts and t-shirts. Avoid chafing by not wearing cotton socks and by wearing body lube.
  • Blisters on your feet when you run can signal that you have the wrong shoes or wrong socks. Cotton socks can stick to your feet from the sweat and can create friction that causes blisters. Synthetic fibers (polyester or bamboo fiber are best).

Signs you’re wearing the wrong running shoes:

  • If you’re going on your first run, start by walking for five minutes to get yourself warmed up and mentally together. You can start by running for 15 seconds and then walking for 1 minutes and slowly build up to longer run times and shorter walk times. Every two weeks, try to increase the intensity.
  • Your natural form is special to you. Form tips: don’t clench your fists, loosely close your hands, don’t look down, look at the horizon 6-8 feet in front of you, and do belly breathing.
  • On the days when you are not running, cross-train. Exercise your body in other forms that aren’t specific to running, such as cycling, yoga, or lifting weights. Many of us sit on our butts all day, so we need to strengthen our glutes. Make sure you are doing exercises for your glutes: glute bridges, banded clam shells, squats, leg raises, etc.
  • If you are having issues with time, start with 2 days of running and 1 day of cross-training each week. Then, build up to 3 days of running and 2 days of cross-training. Get creative with your time. Can you work out while watching tv?
  • After a while, you will start to notice that running is either not as hard as it used to be when you started, or you will realize that you hate it just as much as you did when you started. If you still hate running after a while, take up something else – cycling, paddle boarding, walking, swimming, etc. Regular exercise is vital.
  • Running affirmations: No struggle, no progress. I’ll run if I have to run by myself. Your race, your pace. This is hard, but I can do hard things. Slow is steady, and steady is fast.
Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast – 50 Biggest Takeaways from 500 Episodes of Health & Fitness Podcasts

I won’t cover all 50, but here are those that most resonated with me:

  • By changing nothing, nothing changes.
  • Read more and learn more. Reading non-fiction books will change your life. You don’t have to agree with everything in each book, but if you find one golden nugget that you can take with you to make you a little bit better, you will become your best self.

Choose your hard. Being overweight is hard, working out is hard, sleeping in is hard, waking up and getting everything else done is hard. Which hard are you going to choose? Choose the hard that will make you feel your best.

  • Be on a routine that involves progressive overload.
  • Don’t eat out of boredom. Decide if you’re truly hungry.
  • You can’t out-exercise a bad diet. You need to focus on both nutrition and fitness.
  • Work hard and don’t look for shortcuts. A lot of your problems can be solved with

Eat until you’re satisfied, not until you’re stuffed.

  • A clear space = a clear mind. Declutter.
  • Stop hitting snooze! Hop out of bed and make the first decision for your day.
  • Comparison is the thief of joy. Someone is always going to look better than you. Focus on your journey and your growth.
  • Your self-worth isn’t how you look. Instead of being focused on how you look, focus on longevity, strength, and many other traits.

You could be good today. Instead, you choose tomorrow. Get started right now. Not all of the conditions are going to be perfect during any given day.

  • Work hard and don’t look for shortcuts. A lot of your problems can be solved with hard work. Shortcuts are rarely the answer.
  • Discipline trumps motivation. Don’t rely on motivation. Show up every single day.
  • Purpose over pleasure. Think of long-term goals.
  • Dropping one vice can give you amazing results.
  • Small changes and habits + consistency each day = substantial results over time. The power of the compound effect

If you don’t fight for what you want, you deserve what you get. Choose your hard.

If you don’t make time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for your illness.

The Accidental Creative with Todd Henry – 10 Questions for Finding Your Voice
  1. What angers you? Are there specific things that evoke a compassionate anger in you? We’re talking about the things that evoke a desire to intervene in a situation as an act of compassionate or to rectify a great wrong.
  2. What makes you cry? What moves you with emotion? Think about the last several instances that caused you to cry.
  3. What have you mastered? Are there tasks, skills, or opportunities that you have simply mastered and can do without thinking? Start with what you do well, and work your way toward your goal.
  4. What gives you hope? What do you look forward to? What great vision do you have for your future and the future of others?
  5. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? That can give us insight into the deeper seeds of fascination that may still reside within us.
  6. If you had all the time and money in the world, what would you do? We believe that a lack of resources is the obstacle to our happiness and fulfillment, but for many of us the limitation has nothing to do with a lack of money or time. The limitation is our fear of falling short of our own self-perception.
  7. What would blow your mind? List out everything that would thrill you if it were to happen, including relational things, business things, travel, ambitions, hopes, etc. It’s a great way to identify patterns in your motivation.
  8. What platform do you own? What platform do you already have for self-expression? What foundation can you build on to begin affecting the kinds of change you’d like to see?
  9. What change would you like to see in the world? If you could identify a single thing you would like to see before you die, what would it be? You may not be the one to lead this change, but you may be able to play a significant role in it.
  10. If you had one day left, how would you spend it? What questions would you ask? Who would you spend time with? What work would you do? This is a way to begin identifying patterns within your passions, skills, and experiences.
Conscious Fertility – Endometriosis: It’s More Than Period Pain with Shannon Cohn
  • If you have symptoms that interfere with your life, that cause your day to go differently (limitations to school/work/activities you enjoy doing), that is not normal. If the period pain is so bad that it interferes with your daily life, that should be investigated. GI symptoms are also common with endometriosis. People are generally told they have IBS. If you are experiencing nausea, fatigue, pain, migraines, and a lot of GI issues, talk to your OBGYN and advocate for yourself. Symptoms to look for: digestive issues- constipation, diarrhea, pain with bowel movements, severe bloating, body pain, menstrual pain, pain with intercourse, infertility
  • The only definitive way to diagnose endometriosis is a surgery (laparoscopy). An excision surgery is the most important treatment option. Exercise, diet, and birth control alone cannot heal endometriosis.
  • Resource: https://endowhat.com/

https://www.pbs.org/video/below-the-belt-the-last-health-taboo-wmzdvy/

This is a link to a PBS special covering endometriosis.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

The Story of You – Enneagram Types and Rewriting Your Story

“The Story of You” is a book written by Ian Morgan Cron, an author, psychotherapist, Episcopal priest, songwriter, and founder of the Typology podcast. Using the nine Enneagram types, Ian revealed the broken stories that each type adopts and inhabits in childhood to make sense of the world and explored how to rewrite the self-sabotaging stories you tell yourself about who you are. I had SO many take-aways from this book, and it was among my top 20 favorite books I read in 2022.

All nine Enneagram types were explored in this book in detail, and it was evident that I am mostly a type ONE on the Enneagram. Ones are well-behaved, mature, inherently principled natural leaders who want to know the standards and principles of morality, decency, and integrity and adhere to them. Ones are perfectionists always working to improve themselves and to be good, often expecting others to be the same way. Ones tell themselves that it’s their job to make the world a better place, so they work harder, do more, and put in extra hours to accomplish that.

Statements ONES relate to (aka the story of my life):

  • What I should do is more important than what I want to do.
  • I’ll finally be happy when I’m perfect.
  • I need to be good so people will like me.
  • I have to maintain control.
  • If I relax, all hell will break loose.
  • The risk of being criticized or judged is not worth the shame and self-judgment it could cause.
  • People will not accept me as a flawed human being.
  • Others won’t do as good a job as me.

For ONES, perfectionism is the source of unhappiness. The story Ones tell themselves includes self-improvement as the starting point for improving the world, so they are eager to pursue new systems, innovative practices, or fresh ideas that help them do more in able to be better. They often experience simmering resentment just below the surface waiting to boil over, self-condemnation for their imperfections, and exhaustion from always striving to improve and do more.

ONES breaking out of their own story:

  • make rest and relaxation a priority
  • schedule vacations/days off/downtime in order to recharge
  • stop worrying about what everyone else is thinking
  • accept themselves as they are, knowing that imperfection is essential
  • forgive themselves when they fall short
  • learn to endure disorder and chaos without running around and correcting others and modeling the right way to do things
  • let go of the need for certainty and extend grace to others for trying
  • realize that God’s love is not predicated on their accomplishments in perfecting themselves, others, and the world
  • Their new story starts when they begin to experience the virtue of serenity that comes when they accept that the world is imperfectly perfect and so are they.

You have control over the choices you make every day. You are the narrator of your own story. Assume control of your new story; don’t let your old story control you.

“Who would I be and what could I achieve if I pushed back against the false story about who I think I am and the nature of the world? What decisions can I make today to inhabit the new story that will help me become the highest and truest expression of myself?”

Ian Morgan Cron

I highly recommend reading this book if you want to rewrite your story!

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – June 22, 2023

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – The Price of Parenthood: What It Costs to Be a Parent

115,000 children were adopted in the United States in 2019. The number of adoptions dropped in 2020 to just over 95,000.

391,000 children are currently in foster care in the United States waiting for homes.

Paths to parenthood include:

  • traditional parenthood
  • surrogacy
  • foster care to permanent placement/adoption
  • private adoption through an agency or independent adoption

This podcast primarily focused on adoption. Here are some take-aways:

  • Adoption through an agency generally costs $40,000 or so, and it is paid in installments (a certain amount to get started, more after the home study is completed, and more after a placement). In addition to the agency costs, you will need to pay legal fees. Attorney fees vary widely from about $4,000-$15,000.
  • It takes an average of 2-3 years to complete the adoption process.
  • When waiting for a placement, you should be ready with baby stuff, but you should keep it out of sight. Don’t create a baby room. It will remind you of the waiting.
  • Be aware and be emotionally prepared for how long the process can take. Many people wait years.
  • Insurance companies generally do NOT cover adoption expenses. Many people spend over $40,000 to adopt – the price of a new car! Check your employer’s adoption assistance programs and benefits. The government also offers a federal adoptive tax credit. In 2023, the credit was $15,950. This is a tax refund, not a deduction.
  • When considering finances, also have an understanding of your future expenses, such as added costs of groceries, transportation, childcare, and saving for higher education.
  • Do your research and make sure you can cover the adoption expenses or have a plan for it. Be sure to include legal fees on top of the agency fees. You will need a lawyer to get the adoption formalized through the state. Evaluate your finances and research additional resources, such as grants, personal loans, and fundraising.

Questions to consider:

  • Domestic or international adoption? Adopting a newborn is only possible domestically. You will receive a more comprehensive medical history with domestic adoptions. Many adoptive parents who don’t want contact with the birth parents choose to adopt internationally.
  • Foster system – This is the most affordable path to adoption, but does not always guarantee a permanent placement.
  • How much do you want to know about the child prior to adoption? Open adoptions grant adoptive parents access to more background information about the child’s family and provide an opportunity to ask questions.
  • Private agency vs. independent adoption – you can go through an agency and have someone do most of the work for you, or you can try to find your own “match”

This chart is 10 years old, but gives a better picture of the breakdown of costs.

TED Health – The bias behind your undiagnosed chronic pain

Studies have shown that, regardless of insurance and income status, racial and ethnic minorities received worse care. When it comes to pain, research shows that bias extends beyond minorities to include women and even children.

  • Pain is often dismissed. Many women are told the pain is “all in their heads.” Pain is in everyone’s heads because pain can’t take place without our brain.
  • Not all pain is related to tissue damage. You can have real pain with no physical injury or source. Pain can’t be measured by a lab test.
  • Pain is subjective and doctors must begin by identifying its source. When there is no source, it becomes open to interpretation, which becomes open to implicit bias.

Women are more likely than men to be prescribed anti-anxiety medicines than painkillers when complaining of the same pain as men do. Clinicians often suggest psychosocial causes or stress for women when they order lab tests for men with the exact same symptoms.

What can be done? We can begin by identifying our stereotypes and rewrite the stories of the people we meet. Are you treating men and women differently? Are you treating different cultures or races differently?

Physicians, make sure you aren’t writing a story that the patient hasn’t told you yet. It is your duty to replace the undiagnosed bias with empathy.

Finding the right doctor may feel a bit like dating. You may need to swipe through a few to find the right one for you.

The VeryWell Mind Podcast – Friday Fix: The Best Tool for When You Feel Overwhelmed

There are always going to be multiple things vying for your attention, especially in the age of social media and phone notifications. You will always also have your own personal to-do list.

Stop underestimating how long a task is going to take. We consistently underestimate and then get frustrated when we don’t get everything done that we want to get done.

Prioritize what should get done first. Our attention is often drawn to time-sensitive tasks that are less urgent. When you’re busy and overwhelmed, you’re likely to prioritize other tasks that come along with other tight deadlines because you’re already feeling busy. When you feel frenzied, you’d do frenzied things. Introduce rational thinking into the mix with the Eisenhower Matrix. Sort tasks by urgency and importance.

People tend to do the fastest tasks first. People might do urgent things first even though they don’t need to get done. It’s easy to get distracted by the new tasks that come in even though they don’t need to get done.

Life Kit – Ultra-processed foods are everywhere. Here’s how to avoid them
  • Pick up a packaged food at the supermarket and you’ll start to notice the same things: high levels of salt and fat, added sugars, added colorings, added flavors, hydrolyzed protein isolates, high fructose corn syrup, bulking agents like maltodextrin, etc.
  • Read the ingredient list! Ignore the health claims and read the ingredient list instead. If it includes ingredients you don’t recognize and wouldn’t have in your kitchen, it’s usually an ultra-processed food.
  • Overconsumption of ultra-processed foods results in increased risk of type 2 diabetes, obesity, hypertension, dying from cardiovascular disease, dying prematurely from all causes. These foods tend to have a lot of added salt, sugar, and fat.
  • Ultra-processed foods can result in not eating enough fiber. Many ultra-processed foods have added sugars that aren’t needed.
  • If you like salty, crunchy snacks, think about nuts (good source of fats, proteins, and fiber). If you love breakfast cereals, look for something with protein and fiber and fewer ingredients. If you like yogurt, look for something with low or no added sugar and add some berries to sweeten it or look for something with added protein.
  • Cooking more from scratch is a better option to avoid ultra-processed foods. Focus on things you know you should be eating more of, such as fruits and vegetables. For canned vegetables, you can rinse them and let them drain to reduce sodium.
  • Truefood.tech – this is a neat website where you can look up food brands and see how processed your food is. It will also suggest less processed alternatives.
  • Aim to fill your diet with fruits, vegetables, lean meats, whole grains, and some dairy (unless you have allergies). 80/20 Rule- 80% of the time, aim to eat clean.
Frugal Friends Podcast – What We’ve Learned From 75+ Real People Budgets
  • Stay out of the grocery store. Order your groceries online to prevent impulse purchases. If you shop in store, commit to only going once each week. If you forget an ingredient, go without. This will prevent impulse purchases.
  • Check your calendar before you make a budget.
  • Track all of your expenses!
  • Limit time on social media. People use it to highlight what they don’t have and are more likely to make impulse purchases. You’re only seeing the best of the best, not people’s physical, emotional, mental, or relationship stress when it comes to finances.
  • Remember that different people may have different priorities than you do. Their financial situation might look better, but it may not be better for you. Ex: working long hours, having a family, debt, etc.
The Accidental Creative with Todd Henry – Managing Expectations (For Yourself and Your Team)
  • Team members may resent one another and be unable to articulate why. In reality, it’s because there are unmet expectations that may have never been spoken. This doesn’t have to be related to work; it can happen in your personal life, too.
  • Think about a moment in your life when you’ve experienced conflict. How much of the conflict was sourced in expectations that you had of the other person? Were those expectations ever communicated to the other person? The majority of conflict in the workplace is the result of missed expectations. Someone expects something from a team member, customer, or stakeholder, but the expectation was never clearly communicated and agreed to by the other party.
  • We often hold grudges of which the other party is completely oblivious. These corrode our ability to collaborate.
  • Have you communicated your expectations in a clear and empathetic way? Don’t carry the pointless burden of the unmet expectations of others. There’s enough on your plate!
  • On a personal level, you probably have expectations of yourself that you aren’t even aware of. Learn to make agreements with yourself that you can actually keep. Many of us make agreements not based on what we think we should do, but what others think we should do. Identify agreements that you have made with yourself that you may be unaware of.
  • Many creatives live with perpetual guilt because they feel they aren’t doing enough, they’re failing by some arbitrary metric, or feel like they’re falling behind because they’re letting other people establish what getting ahead looks like. They believe they aren’t disciplined because they’re living by someone else’s metric. Who set that metric? Who decided what success or failure looks like for you?
  • What do you truly expect yourself to deliver on today? Do you have an accurate assessment of expectations for yourself? Are you living according to someone else’s metrics? Don’t allow others to “ought” and “should” you into feeling guilty about your level of discipline.
  • Assess, commit, and achieve. Discipline is making a commitment with yourself and keeping it.
  • Leadership is about risk mitigation. Great leaders understand that the goal is to accomplish what they can while mitigating the potential downside – keeping the team in the game.
  • Because of the risk involved, many leaders become less than clear about their expectations for the work or for the team. They may speak in vague terms or give opaque direction because they themselves are not certain of the right decision. They want to project themselves into a situation and protect themselves from a mistake, so they lack precision when they communicate. A few team dynamics emerge. Team members wait until you tell them what to do before actually starting their work. Dissonance emerges as each team member interprets what you want, sometimes leading to misalignment and disjointedness among those responsible for executing the work. Dissonance is a gap between the “why” and the “what.” Team members need leaders to be precise about expectations. You need to be clear even when you are uncertain.
  • Aim to use precise language and precise expectations – be clear about what you want, when you want it, who will do it, why it matters, and what the outcome will be if you are successful. All effective expectations include assignment of responsibility, articulation of a timeline, and accountability for results. If your expectations don’t include all three, you aren’t being precise enough.
  • Aim for precise objectives. Where are you leading the team? How will you know you’ve arrived? Why will any of it matter in the long run? Team members need to know that you have clear objectives in mind, you are aware of the obstacles you are going to encounter, and you have a plan to overcome them. You must be clear about where you are leading the team in spite of your personal insecurities.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

The Simple Path to Wealth

“The Simple Path to Wealth” was a very interesting, educational, easy read written by JL Collins, author of the blog jlcollinsnh.com. This was an excellent book I read as part of a book club I’m in. This book contained so much useful information and emphasized Vanguard as a stellar option for investments due to low fees and the self-cleansing Vanguard Total Stock Market Index Fund (VTSAX).

Main take-aways:

Seek the least house to meet your needs rather than the most house you can technically afford.

The Vanguard Total Stock Market Index Fund (VTSAX) holds about 3,500 companies and is self-cleansing. The expense ratio is only 0.04% and it is low-maintenance.

International funds are an added risk with added expense and are already covered with VTSAX (U.S. and international businesses). If you still want international funds with Vanguard, you can include VFWAX, VTIAX, or VTWSX.

Target retirement funds (portfolios based on the year you plan to retire) are also an option, although expense ratios are higher (0.14%-0.16%).

3 tools: stocks (VTSAX), bonds (VBTLX), and cash. You can do 100% stocks now (VTSAX) and then later include bonds.

If there is no VTSAX option for your retirement account, look for a low-cost index fund or target retirement fund.

With Vanguard, you own your mutual funds – and through them – Vanguard itself. It operates at cost, resulting in lower expense ratios. There are no shareholders to pay, and no one at Vanguard has access to your money.

Why most people lose $ in the market:

  • We think we can time the market.
  • We believe we can pick individual stocks.
  • We believe we can pick winning mutual fund managers. 82% failed to outperform the unmanaged index in 2013. Only about 1% of active traders outperform the market.

Downsides of having an advisor:

  • Cost
  • Drawn not to the best investments, but to those that pay the highest commissions and management fees
  • Assets under management (AUM) fees cost you a lot in terms of compounding.

You are considered financially independent and ready to retire if you have saved 25x your annual expenses. Let’s say you pay a 1% management fee in retirement (most advisors actually charge more than 1%). If you are living on 4% of your retirement funds each year (the recommended amount), your advisor is costing you at least a full 25% of your income!

Using the 4% model, you may want to have a balance of 50% stocks and 50% bonds. 96% of the time, you will be able to live off of 4% each year for 30 years without fees. If you are paying a 1% fee, this drops to an 84% success rate. If you are paying a 2% fee, this drops to a 65% success rate. The solution is to have more cash saved, withdraw 3% of less, and be open to working part-time or relocate to save money. Do not set up an automatic 4% withdrawal plan! Instead, withdraw as needed.

A 401(k) or IRA is generally better than a Roth IRA. If you put $5,000 into a Roth IRA at a 25% tax bracket, you’d need $6,250. If you fund a 401(k) or IRA instead of a Roth IRA, you would still have the $1,250 to invest and would have huge returns over the years. Fully fund a Roth IRA only if your income is low enough that you’re paying little or no income tax.

When you leave a job, roll over your 401(k) or 403b into a personal IRA.

You are required to take minimum distributions at age 70 1/2 for your IRA/401(k)/403b. Shift your IRA to a Roth IRA to decrease the minimum distributions. Also, fully fund your HSA if you have one because it grows tax-free.

When I was reading this book, I had Roth IRA funds with an advisor that was charging over 1.25% in assets under management (AUM) fees + portfolio fees, and I didn’t even get to pick my investments! My money was not performing well with the portfolios he selected. I also had old 401(k)s with former employers.

Months after reading this book and researching on my own, I decided to combine my old 401(k)s into an IRA at Vanguard and I also transferred my Roth IRA to Vanguard. Through the conversion process, I learned the investments the advisor previously selected were awful, had high expenses, and probably resulted in high commissions, I had to pay various conversion fees to get out of those portfolios, and I transferred everything I previously had over to VTSAX with Vanguard. I also have a retirement savings plan with my current employer that is NOT at Vanguard.

My funds have been performing really well and I am on my way to achieving a big financial goal in the next year or two: have the equivalent of my annual salary saved for retirement (a goal many experts say you should achieve by age 30). I am behind according to experts, but I am grateful for the progress I have made and especially grateful for the low-maintenance portfolio with minimal expenses that Vanguard offers.

This educational video covers VTSAX.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!