Tag: #selfimprovementdaily

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – June 1, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

One of the best things I’ve heard this week is from this podcast.

Optimal Relationships Daily- If You Want to Know if Someone is Worth Your Time, Use the Ted Lasso Rule

If you want a quick way to determine if someone is worth your time, are they curious? Do they ask your questions? If not, are they worth even getting to know?

Many people skip the small talk in favor of talking about themselves.  They’re the ones missing out because they’re not being curious. Curiosity has been buried by ego.

Optimal Health Daily- Self-Care Ideas for Better Health and Nutrition by Danielle Omar
  • Thoroughly chew your food to improve digestion, engage the senses, and reduce energy intake.
  • Assess hunger and fullness to determine when it’s best for you to start and stop eating.
  • Reduce portion sizes and use smaller dishes to prevent overeating.
  • Eliminate distractions at mealtimes to better control food intake and focus on how food makes you feel.
  • Appreciate the food you’re eating without judgment and savor its appearance, smell, taste, and texture.
  • Eat foods that make you feel good.
  • Plan and prep your meals.
  • Satisfy your sweet tooth.

I gathered some dental insights from these two podcasts:

Science Vs – The Dentist: Toss the Floss? Flush the Brush?
  • Oral hygiene alone did not prevent cavities in studies done. Fluoride was the main component in preventing cavities.
  • Brushing with fluoridated toothpaste helps prevent cavities. Brushing might also prevent gingivitis and gum disease. Flossing may help with tooth loss as you get older. Sugar is bad for teeth. Some dentists are shysters.
Life Kit- ‘Do I really need to floss?’ and other common questions about dental care
  • Finding a dentist is more than just picking from a list. Every procedure that a dental hygienist does is proactive in helping to prevent inflammation and reduce inflammation. A dentist is going to restore or be reactive to disease. A dental assistant assists the dentist.
  • To evaluate if a hygienist is a good fit for you, see how receptive they are to answering your questions. For example, ask about proper brushing techniques. Have the hygienists observe what you do and see what feedback you get. Overall, you want to make sure that the practice is for you, not a random cash grab.
  • Red flags- offices that do a lot of aggressive advertising, free x-rays, free exams, and free goodies to lure you in. Once you are in the chair, those dentists know you are more likely to say yes to extra procedures.
  • Get specific about your fears and then you can talk about them with your dental team. A good practitioner is going to be a great educator and help ease those fears. Is it going to hurt? Is it going to cost a lot? Is my face going to feel numb?
  • Find someone you feel comfortable with who doesn’t shame you.

Saving money:

  • Dental schools are a great option if you are looking to save money. You get the benefit of getting many different opinions and great advice. If you have the time to do it, visits to a dental school may be less expensive, but will take more time. Appointments can take up to 4 hours instead of 1 hour due to many people checking you out and the training involved.
  • Can look for sliding scale or mobile dental clinics

Frequency and technique:

  • Most healthy patients should come in 2x/year. Some patients may only need to come in once a year.
  • Clean teeth are all about technique.  Use a soft, high-quality toothbrush (if manual, switch out every 4-6 weeks), non-nylon floss, tongue scraper, and low abrasive toothpaste.
  • Teeth whitening- health and aesthetics are not the same thing! White teeth are a status symbol, but not necessarily a marker of health. Teeth aren’t naturally white as snow; there is a slight yellow white hue of your teeth due to dentin, an inner layer of the tooth under enamel. So if a dentist is immediately bringing up whitening procedures without any evaluation of cavities, gum disease, or other issues, be wary.
  • Charcoal and whitening toothpastes are so abrasive that they can make your teeth super sensitive and potentially wear down your teeth. They are removing stains,but are not actually changing the color of your teeth.
Life Kit- Why the 5-minute walk break is so powerful
  • People who sit for hours on end develop chronic diseases, including diabetes, heart disease, dementia, and cancer at much higher rates than those who move throughout the day.
  • Taking a 1-2 minute walk once per hour lowers blood pressure. A 5-minute walk every half hour was able to offset a lot of the harms from sitting. Moving 5 minutes every hour resulted in the blood sugar spike after a meal being reduced by almost 60%. This may not be feasible with most office jobs, as you are losing 10 minutes of productivity each hour.
  • People are advised to get 150 minutes of moderate intensity physical activity each week (getting your heart rate up). You can break this up into 30 minutes a day 5 days a week, but small chunks of fast walking can count as well.
  • You will gain energy by moving every half hour or hour.
  • The whole point is to raise your heart rate—walking, dancing, etc.
Self Care IRL- Habits you have that you need to break TODAY!
  • Emotional eating– eating snacks and junk when you’re happy, sad, stressed, bored, etc. Be intentional with your eating and drink more water. Sometimes you think you’re hungry but you’re just thirsty.
  • Sitting for too long at one time– try to schedule a little break at the top of each hour to get up and move, use a sit-stand desk, etc. Boosts metabolism, reduces stress, and can create a more productive day
  • Hitting the snooze on your alarm clock. Go to sleep earlier than usual if you feel you’re not getting enough sleep each night.
  • Stop spending hours on social media. Daily social media users spend, on average, 2.5 hours on social media (including TikTok). It’s not always being used to relax or escape; it’s being used to procrastinate. Many people use social media to waste time. Limit your time on social media to 1 hour/day. You can use apps to monitor your social media intake. Instead of resorting to scrolling on social media with every spare moment, try reading, learning something from a podcast, moving around, or tackling something on your to-do list.
  • Working overtime. You give up family time, me time, and sleep time, and your physical and mental health starts to decline. If you don’t NEED the money, set time boundaries with your work.
  • These habits are draining our energy and preventing us from reaching our true potential.

I am guilty of most of these! I am focusing on being more intentional with breaking or limiting these habits this month.

Self Improvement Daily- Mistaking Happiness for Pleasure

We are designed to seek immediate gratification. Our unconscious pattern is to do things that make us feel good in the moment, which often conflicts with what makes us feel good later.

Sometimes we overindulge in a meal because we enjoy the taste of delicious food, but we end up feeling sick to our stomach later. Sometimes we scroll on social media when we are bored or procrastinating, and we later regret how we used our time.

You can feel happiness and pleasure in a moment, but pleasure is concerned with the present moment and happiness is concerned with your core values, growth, development, and well-being.

If you can be more discerning between the two, happiness and pleasure, pursue happiness. It will lead to a much more enriching life where you feel good about who you are and how you’re filling your life with genuine joy.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday- May 25, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Self Improvement Daily- When You Are Your Own Friend

Let’s say you had a miscommunication, let someone down, and got defensive about it, or you got into a big fight with a family member. In your own head, you may get really critical and get upset that you didn’t have more emotional control. You tell yourself you’re an awful person.

Now look at the example from a different angle. Instead of you being the person involved in the fight that made a few mistakes, you’re a good friend of that person. After they tell you about the event and the circumstances around it, what would you say to them? You likely wouldn’t tell them how awful of a person they are. You would likely be supportive and encouraging. You’d highlight their best qualities and understand that this was an isolated incident.

This isn’t about a lack of taking responsibility for our actions. The point is that we are so quick to find the goodness and humanity in others and the flaws within ourselves. So the next time you catch yourself criticizing or going through self-deprecating thoughts, ask yourself this question – “What would I tell myself if I were my own friend?”

Self Care IRL- The 8 small steps you need to start your self-improvement journey
  1. Do not change everything at once. Start with 1-3 small goals you can easily achieve. Ex: one healthy meal each day, walk 20 minutes every day, etc. You can increase and expand on your habits after a while. Progress is more important than perfection. Perfection does not exist.
  2. Make a plan of action and actually stick to it. Staying focused and motivated requires discipline. Discipline requires planning. Take action every day, even if it’s just a small step.
  3. Habit stacking. Ex: journal while drinking coffee. Listen to a podcast or watch tv while on the treadmill. Read while riding public transportation to work.
  4. Celebrate your wins—both big and small. Every step forward is success. Share your wins with friends to add accountability.
  5. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. You are bound to have setbacks along the way. Learn from your mistakes and keep going. Be patient with yourself. Progress takes time. Forgiving yourself is the ultimate flex in life. Practicing self-compassion is vital if you want to improve yourself.
  6. Find your support system. It is crucial if you have goals in sight. Whether you need hands-on support or emotional support, knowing that someone is there to lift you up will be incredibly helpful for encouragement and accountability. The podcast host mentioned getting together with a group of people weekly or monthly on a Wednesday to discuss “Wednesday wins”–“wins” each person has had in the past week or month. Lift each other up and encourage each other.
  7. Set goals for yourself. Document how soon you want to achieve it to determine a plan and how hard you need to work. Don’t feel overly committed to that number. Plans can change. Set weekly or monthly goals to track your progress just to see how far you have come.
  8. Be patient and keep working toward your goals, even when things get tough. You will have setbacks.
TED Talks Daily- What makes a “good college” — and why it matters – Cecilia M. Orphan
  • We say we want colleges to be more equitable and more accessible. We tend to obsess over a tiny group of colleges most of us could never get into. It’s not because we aren’t smart enough. It’s because there isn’t enough space for all of us. They intentionally cap the number of students that they accept.
  • Instead of calling them prestigious universities, some people refer to them as “highly rejective colleges” – Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Princeton, MIT, etc. These are all major research institutions.
  • Regional public universities (RPUs) are the exact opposite of highly rejective colleges.  They pride themselves in accepting almost everyone who applies — students are more likely to be first-generation college students, students of color, low-income students, veterans, and adults balancing work and family while going to school. RPU students often don’t have the test scores required to get into a highly rejective college. It’s not that they aren’t capable; it’s because they weren’t given the same advantages as other students. RPUs change more lives than prestigious universities by allowing more students access to education.
  • People sometimes criticize RPUs and refer to them as “the 13th grade,” “not real,” or “almost anyone can get in.”
  • The colleges that already have the largest endowments tend to receive the most charitable donations. Imagine if these donations were spread across the many RPUs in the country.
  • In the U.S. and throughout the world, far more public funding goes to highly rejective colleges than to regional public universities, causing RPUs to become more expensive, which hurts low-income students and causes student loan debt to skyrocket.
  • If we really want more low-income students to go to college and equity in higher education, we need to fund regional public universities. Instead of giving to your highly rejective alma mater, consider giving to universities that really need it.
  • Last year, billionaire philanthropist Mckenzie Scott gave $1.5 billion to 73 different colleges and universities that serve low-income students and students of color.
  • There is no better way to make a difference in higher education than to give to the colleges that change the lives of their students and communities. This isn’t all about money. We all have the power to change the way we think about and talk about regional public universities or stop people when they frame them in negative ways.
Life Kit- Making friends anywhere you move
  • Be active and intentional about making connections. Alert your network. Post on your socials and ask for introductions. Tell your coworkers, especially if you have a remote job. Communicate what kind of connection you’re looking for – someone to show you around, another couple with school-age kids, etc. We tend to think that it’s going to be so awkward to reach out to people who we aren’t in touch with anymore. You just have to own it.
  • Reconnect with old friends. You might end up better friends with them than before. Acknowledge the gap in time and that you haven’t been the best at keeping in touch. Propose specific plans for catching up. Follow up after meeting in person.
  • Incorporate more routine into your day. Ex: coffee shops. With routine, you are seeing the same faces and it becomes less intimidating to talk to them. You can incorporate any activity, community, or place you love. No matter where you live, you can develop that sense of home. Find a place for yourself that isn’t work and isn’t home: book club, soccer club, etc.
  • Find online groups, event listings, and meetups. Now is your chance to engage in an activity you’ve been thinking about. Ex: book clubs. You don’t have to know anyone there, but you can connect with others about the same book you’ve read. You meet regularly. Commit to showing up more than once. It changes the way you engage with people who are there. Stop trying to form a relationship with the collective and focus on forming relationships with the singular. It can be less intimidating to focus on individual members first.
  • When getting to know people, focus on the connection, not the relationship. Being honest about yourself is key to adult relationships. Get comfortable with the things that make you different and the interests that you have. If you are introverted, only say “yes” to the activities that you know will bring you joy. Focus your energy on one-on-one interactions. Making new friends takes effort, especially when you barely know anyone around you.
  • Take-aways: be open and intentional about making new friends. Tell your network that you’re moving or looking to meet people. Reconnect with old friends and acknowledge the passing of time. Make clear plans to meet. Build your own routines and find places you feel at ease. Go to group gatherings. For recurring groups, commit to going at least three times. Friendships start with one-on-one relationships. Remember that all of this takes time.

When I first moved to my city, I didn’t have any friends in the area aside from former coworkers. I am grateful to have met several girls in an online Facebook group for girls making friends. Through this group, I have joined a book club, hiking groups, and made many quality friends who share similar interests.

Optimal Finance Daily- Understanding the Seven Habits of Wealth by Rob Berger
  1. Hard work– achieving financial security is often the result of consistent diligence.
  2. Modest living– modest living can produce great wealth on a modest income.
  3. Patience– produces thoughtful, long-term decisions that can produce wealth while minimizing risk.  Patiently waiting for the right time to buy a stock or company
  4. Perseverance– working through challenges. Perseverance keeps us focused on our goals and enables us to confront all challenges.
  5. Balance– healthy balance of stocks, bonds, or other investments
  6. Self-awareness– brings into focus the motivations behind the daily decisions we make. Allows us to understand what motivates us to spend money, what investments are best for us given our tolerance for risk, and what will produce contentment in our lives.
  7. Learning– enables us to improve our careers, investments, and spending, as well as other areas of our lives

“What we are and what we have is a result of what we repeatedly do.” Wealth then, is not the result of an act, but the result of our habits.

How to Be a Better Human- How to set boundaries and find peace (w/ Nedra Glover Tawwab)
  • We want kids to be assertive, but we don’t teach them how to be assertive with us.
  • Pay attention to the things you complain most about. This will tell you where you need to set boundaries.
  • Many people right now are having boundary issues around being overwhelmed and overcommitting themselves. You can say no to things! People found pleasure during the pandemic by not having to attend social obligations. You don’t need to do those things if you don’t want to.  Place value on the relationships that are important.
  • Trying to do everything on your own/not asking for help- there are times when we don’t have the skillset, time, or mental capacity to do it all. We need to seek help. It can be hard to be vulnerable and ask for help.
  • Codependency- thinking “if I did this, this person would suffer this consequence because of my lack of support for their issue.” Stop thinking like this!
  • Set boundaries, find peace!

I posted an extensive blog post about this book recently. Check it out here:

Set Boundaries, Find Peace
Main Accounts: The Story of MySpace- Welcome to MySpace

Popularity:

  • MySpace used to be the most popular website in America. It launched in August 2003. The creators, Tom Anderson and Chris Dewolfe, took inspiration from sites like Friendster and Asian Avenue. There were only 100,000 users in October 2003, but, the following year, after picking up dissatisfied Friendster users, the site exploded to 5 million users! MySpace peaked in 2008 with over 100 million users. At the height of its popularity, 250,000 people were signing up for new accounts every day. Most of the users were young – in their teens and twenties. It was at the center of their social lives.
  • In 2005, MySpace was seeing 16 million visitors per month and was the biggest social network in the world. It was sold to News Corporation, and Intermix negotiated the deal. This was done without the knowledge of the founders of MySpace. Chris and Tom were each paid $30 million. They left the company in 2009, and News Corporation brought in a new CEO and its own people.
  • When MySpace launched, social media was an unknown quantity. People had no idea how to make money off of social networks or even if they could make money off of it. The consequences of social media had yet to be seen.

Origins:

  • Tom Anderson had founded the company with Chris Dewolfe. Before MySpace, Tom had worked for Chris as a copywriter and product tester at another startup. Tom was a musician, went to film school, and dabbled in the hacker community as a teenager. MySpace does not have the typical Silicon Valley origin story.
  •  While at Euniverse, Tom and Chris had at their disposal the company’s database of over 30 million e-mail addresses. The e-mails of everyone who signed up with a new MySpace account could be added to the database. MySpace was a subsidiary of its parent company, Intermix.

What set MySpace apart:

  • MySpace offered opportunities for people to express their creativity and meet people in ways that felt thrilling and scary at the time. People used MySpace in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina to keep in touch with friends and family after they evacuated Louisiana. Soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan used it to connect with people back home. It was a place where millions of people could connect to one another. MySpace was one of many projects at the company EUniverse (an early ecommerce company). EUniverse was one of the few survivors of the dot com crash. EUniverse was later renamed Intermix.
  • On Friendster, users related to each other as a chain of connections. On MySpace, it didn’t really matter if your friends were strangers or actually friends. You added who you wanted and showed users who mattered to you by selecting users for your Top 8.
  • Top 8 created competition and encouraged users to curate their friends and spotlight people or bands that reflected on their personalities and personal tastes. From the glittery, sleezy design to the carefree way people communicated on it, MySpace felt like a party on the internet. People talked more casually on MySpace.
  • MySpace allowed you to tweak the HTML on your profile page so that you could change the color of the background, have a song playing while people looked at your page, etc. People put a lot of thought into it. Customizable pages (scrolling text, text that would blink, colorful texts, embedded music) allowed for self-expression.
  • MySpace was giving users free software. Previously, if you wanted to set up a website for yourself, you’d have to buy software. The way users were paying MySpace was with all of their data and information. The legacy of MySpace is the pioneering of this business model – of monetizing user data.
  • Another unique feature is that creator Tom Anderson was automatically everyone’s friend.

Why MySpace did not last:

  • MySpace was sold as “the perfect media company that generates free content through its users. It generates free traffic by its users inviting their friends, and all you have to do is sell the ads.”
  • MySpace was on track to be the biggest mass platform for advertising in the world. Facebook is the biggest single mass platform for advertising in the world. The lack of engineering expertise and talent and the lack of focus on abilities to outcompete on the actual quality of the product is what doomed MySpace to fail against Facebook. You have to have great engineering and great talent, and that is what made Facebook win. MySpace lost relevance because it couldn’t scale up to be mainstream like Facebook.
  • The social network felt chaotic and open in a free-for-all sense much like the city where it was created: Los Angeles. It sometimes felt like a cool nightclub. However massive it was, it was still youth-oriented. With various scenes and clicks, it felt very niche. MySpace was notable and big, but it wasn’t TikTok size.
  • People who were big on the platform could not scale out and achieve mass fame. The internet culture was not mass culture in the 2000s. They were sort of niche. All of this was happening before there was viral content and before algorithms filtered what users would see. There wasn’t a “for you” page. You had to find it yourself.

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/festival-walking

I loved Gabe The Bass Player’s post on May 16 (all credit to Gabe the Bass Player):

Festival Walking

May 16, 2023

“Summer. The height of the music festival season. The height of…

“Is this band any good? I’m going to decide right now as I walk past the stage for thirty seconds…”

It doesn’t matter if you’re a well established act or a new act. No one gets a pass. You get the time it takes for someone walking past the stage to be compelling enough for them to stay. You gotta be good.

The truth is…you’ve probably got thirty seconds but their question is answered within five. And that interaction is what they’ll carry with them forever and tell their friends about when your name comes up.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday- May 18, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Health Daily- 5 Small Habits For Big Changes in Fat Loss by Lea Genders

Prioritize protein/veggies at each meal. Protein helps you maintain muscle and protein and fiber from veggies help you feel full. Focus on what you can add to your meals to make them healthier rather than what you have to take away.

Eat slow and mindfully. When you gobble down your food quickly, you don’t give your stomach enough time to send the signal to your brain that it’s full. Pay attention to fullness signals and stop eating when you’re full.

Walk fast. Walk with purpose, bring a dog, or start a power walking routine.

Prioritize sleep. Create a sleep routine and aim for 7-8 hours of sleep each night.

Replace all drinks with water. If you replace all soda, juice, energy drinks, and sugar-filled drinks with water, you’ll cut hundreds of empty calories each day. You can use some sugar-free flavoring packets to encourage you to drink more water. I love True Lemon packets, available in a variety of flavors at 0-10 calories each and 0-1 gram of sugar each. This might seem like a lot, but it’s a much better alternative to sugar-laden drinks.

Self Improvement Daily- HALT Before You Communicate

Often times we say things we don’t mean, that we’ll later regret, and wonder why we even said them in the first place. We wonder what caused us to not have the self-control needed in those situations. It’s usually a matter of feeling emotional. Our emotions often take precedence over logical reasoning.

Before you communicate, especially when you’re feeling impulsive, HALT. Pause. Take a moment to think about how you’re feeling. In particular, reflect on these four things:

  • Hungry?
  • Angry?
  • Lonely?
  • Tired?

When you’re feeling any of these things, you’re more likely to say things you don’t mean because your mind is fixated on these specific needs. By calling out these emotions, you give your logical mind the information it needs to make the right decision.

TED Talks Daily- TikTok’s CEO on its future — and what makes its algorithm different – Shou Chew
  • I discovered TikTok in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, and I have learned many things and spent countless hours on the app. One unique thing I realized right away about TikTok is that it gives people a platform to reach a larger audience than other social media apps.
  • The mission of TikTok is to inspire creativity and bring joy. The vision is to provide a window to discover, give them a canvas to create, and provide bridges for people to connect.
  • Per Shou Chew, the CEO: “What makes TikTok unique is the whole discovery engine behind it. We are showing people what they like. We have given the everyday person a platform to be discovered.”
  • The biggest creator, Khaby Lame, in TikTok didn’t even speak in any of his videos in the beginning. Lame is famous for his comic expressions and deadpan reactions to overstylized TikToks. Today he has 158 million followers on the platform. As long as you have talent, you have the chance to succeed.
  • TikTok has given many people a voice that they would otherwise not have. Other platforms basically made the chances of getting discovered very low. You almost had to be famous to get followers.
  • With TikTok, if you post something that’s not interesting to a lot of people, you aren’t going to get the virality you want. You need to have a message that resonates with people, and you will generate virality.
  • Recommendation algorithm- shows you what others are interested in who liked the same videos as you. Vision= window to discover. People find communities because of the content that they are posting.
  • Other apps are built for a different original purpose.
  • In order to fulfill its mission of discovery, showing users a diversity of content is essential.
  • TikTok has created a platform for people who never thought they would be a content creator. Has given them an audience. STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) content has over 160 billion views.
  • User guidelines: no pornography, child sexual abuse material, no violence. Users under 18 years old experience a more restricted app and can’t use the livestream experience. Users under 16 can’t instant message or go viral. A big part of the age guideline is based on the age the user reports when signing up.
  • TikTok’s goal is NOT to optimize and maximize time spent on the platform. Minors= 60 minute recommendation. TikTok has given parents tools to limit childrens’ time spent on TikTok.
  • Over 10,000 employees are currently looking at content moderation, and this group is based in Ireland. Most of the moderation has to be done by machines, but they aren’t always on point, so they complement with actual people.
  • Guideline categories: mature, not suitable for teenagers. If content contains these guidelines, TikTok proactively removes it from users’ TikTok experience. If you search certain terms, you are redirected to a resource safety page.
  • Data access by employees is not the same as data access by the government. TikTok has implementing storing localized American data on American soil by an American company overseen by American personnel. This is beyond what any company in this industry has ever done- localizing in a way no company has ever done. All new U.S. Data is already stored in the Oracle cloud infrastructure.
  • TikTok’s desire is to keep Tiktok a place of freedom and expression (you can search for anything you want subject to community guidelines).
  • TikTok has popularized a variety of content: dancing, singing, science content, booktok, learning how to cook, sports, encouraging people to read. Booktok has 120 billion views globally.   
  • TikTok is connecting people and communities together. 5 million businesses in the U.S. benefit from TikTok today.
Life Kit-A better way to talk to your doctor
  • Find someone who you can built a partnership with, someone who listens, and someone who will take your symptoms seriously and foster that bond. Your health is your most important asset. You need to find someone who will be on your team and be a good partner.
  • Prepare as if you’re going to your accountant and getting ready for taxes. Write down what has been happening/symptoms and your family history, and answer when your symptoms started, what you were doing when symptoms started, what makes symptoms worse, how long symptoms have persisted, whether symptoms ever get better, and your previous history.
  • Anything you can describe (duration, time it started, details) can lead to higher chances of coming up with a diagnosis. Sometimes your doctor may not ever have a clear answer for you.
  • Your doctor might not know what’s going on right away. Instead, you may receive a differential diagnosis, or a list of possibilities. Schedule follow-ups.
  • Fill out docs on the patient portal before you get there to help maximize the time together.
  • When you get a diagnosis, ask for more information. What do we know? What do I have to do? What is the treatment plan?
  • If you feel dismissed, this is a sign this isn’t the doctor for you. It needs to be a partnership. You don’t need to stick with the doctor for the rest of your life if you aren’t comfortable.
  • Advocate for yourself. When you get a diagnosis, ask: What’s actually happening in my body right now? What’s the treatment? How does the treatment work? How often will I take that medication? Will this condition ever go away? How will this condition affect my life? When should we follow up?
  • Think of your relationship with your medical provider as a partnership. You should be working together to come up with a diagnosis or a plan. Keep a medical logbook with important details. When you get a diagnosis, consider a second opinion. It’s okay to change medical providers and it might be a good idea if they’re not listening to you, they confuse you, or if you don’t feel like you can talk to them.
NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast- Top Consumer Complaints and Car Shopping in 2023
  • The top consumer complaints of 2022 include negative information on credit reports that was not accurate, accounts that didn’t belong to consumers but were still on the report, credit inquiries that people didn’t recognize, and being pursued for a debt that the person didn’t owe.
  • Average price for a used car is still around $26k!!
  • Supplies still unable to meet demand- prices remain high
  • Tips: allow yourself time to shop around for both the car and the car loan. Get several auto loan offers before going to the auto dealer. Don’t tell the dealer upfront that you intend to pay cash. They may try to make up for lost revenue in the price of the car.
  • Auto rates are the highest they’ve been since 2009. Average used car loan is 11.03% interest. Some people can get 5% interest.
  • Tips: Shop around. Know your financing options. Think about the trade-offs. Buying a car with cash can keep you out of debt, but you might be able to get a better return on that investment.

One book I’ve read this past week is “How to Live on 24 Hours a Day” written by Arnold Bennett and originally published in 1908. These points stood out to me:

We never shall have any more time. We have, and we have always had, all the time there is.

Arnold Bennett

Everyone receives the same 24 hours in a day. Many view their hours at work as a day and the rest as a margin. You say your day is already full to overflowing, yet you spend 8+ hours working and 7-8 hours sleeping. What are you doing during the other 8 hours?!

Arrange a day within a day. Think of your day outside of work as another day within your day. Have a reflective mood. Devote time each day to reading, learning, or bettering yourself. I have been committed to doing this as part of my daily habits.

You have to live on this twenty-four hours of daily time. Out of it, you have to spin health, pleasure, money, content, respect, and the evolution of your immortal soul. Which of us lives on twenty-four hours a day? And when I say “lives,” I do not mean “exists” or “muddles through.”

Arnold Bennett

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday- May 4, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Self Improvement Daily- Getting Started Setting Goals

Setting goals is an effective way to structure your efforts and get a desired result. However, many people set goals too big without a plan. Ex: go from not working out at all to working out 6 days per week. Others set goals without much of a plan. Ex: drink more water. Eat healthier.

You don’t need to wait to have a perfectly defined and thought through goal before getting started. As you begin pursuing your goals, you collect more reference points and information to aid in defining your goal and the structure of achieving your goal. As you get closer to your goals, they get clearer. You should always be intentional about pursuing more clarity.

A goal I had for quite some time was to drink more water. There were times I drank up to a gallon per day (too much for me), but other times, I got so consumed in my work that I didn’t finish my first 16 ounces until after lunch! “Drink more water” was not a clearly structured goal for me. When I noticed that I regularly wasn’t finishing my first 16 ounces until well into the afternoon, I revised my goal to include “drink 1 bottle of water before the workday starts.” That goal is structured, measurable, and helps me to drink more water throughout the day. I also use True Lemon packets (available in a variety of flavors) to increase my water intake.

Another goal could start off as “eat healthier.” This could be structured by committing to planning staple breakfast foods and meal prepping healthy lunches for the week so that you don’t have the urge to order takeout during the work week.

Psych2Go Mental Health Podcast- 10 Toxic Things Parents Say To Their Kids
  1. You look terrible.
  2. You’re a freak.
  3. You’re so immature.
  4. I’m going to send you to boarding school.
  5. Once you’re 18, I’m going to kick you out.
  6. This is your fault.
  7. Show me some respect (when it isn’t due/when it’s toxic).
  8. Do what I say or else.
  9. You are terrible at ___.
  10. You’re the worst student.

I am grateful that I didn’t hear any of these phrases directed at me growing up, but I know of people who have. It is important to show love to your children and allow them to make mistakes, express their own individuality, and overcome obstacles that can turn into learning experiences.

Life Kit- Put your savings to work

When we put money into a traditional savings account when inflation is high, its value is eroding.

Savings account interest rates may be as low as 0.01%, and the average interest rate is currently 0.24%. Some banks have increased interest rates due to inflation, and smaller banks are offering better rates than bigger banks.

Online banks offer better rates due to not having to maintain brick and mortar locations. Be sure to research minimum deposits and hidden fees and read the fine print! I recently created an account for CIT bank online, which offers interest rates between 4.50%-4.75%!

Aside from savings accounts, CDs are another option. The longer the term, the better the rate is. Be sure you can commit to the term, as you can’t withdraw $ during that term without paying a penalty.

Ibonds are inflation bonds where you are lending the government $ and the government agrees to pay you back at a later date with interest. Ibonds increased in popularity in 2022, as the interest rate was over 9%! The government sets Ibond rates every 6 months, and the term is for 5 years, although you can access your money before the 5-year term is up by forfeiting the last 3 months’ interest. The interest rate was just adjusted down to 4.30% in May 2023.

Taxes: the interest earned from savings accounts and CDs is taxable. Ibonds are exempt from state and local taxes, but you will have to pay federal income tax when you cash in on the bonds.

Consider switching savings accounts to one with a better interest rate. You may also want to consider government bonds for medium-term or long-term savings or CDs for short-term savings.

Self Care IRL- 14 Ways to Strengthen Your Friendships
  1. Make your friendships a priority.
  2. Start by staying in touch.
  3. Try to think about what your friend needs right now. How can you be helpful or of value?
  4. Stop judging. You are never going to be 100% approving of anyone or the decisions of anyone, including yourself!
  5. Give an occasional compliment.
  6. Spend time together.
  7. Find common interests that you share, and do those things together!
  8. Take on a new challenge together. Humans become closer with those they suffer with and overcome obstacles with.
  9. Take a road trip.
  10. Try new things together, such as restaurants, events, or activities.
  11. Play fair. Don’t one up your friends.
  12. Express your gratitude. Let them know you value them.
  13. Admit and apologize.
  14. Be authentic and be honest.
How to Be a Better Human- How to keep house while drowning

Reframe chores. Chores feel like an obligation. Some chores should be considered care tasks because they are tasks that you do to care for yourself, such as dishes, laundry, cleaning, exercising, cooking, organizing, and changing your sheets.

Ask yourself: What can I do right now in order to ensure that I’m being kind to my tomorrow self?

With other household stuff, acknowledge that good enough is perfect, and everything worth doing is worth doing partially. I struggle with this. I want to put my 100% into everything, so when I can’t dedicate the time and energy, sometimes I just don’t do it at all.

With chores, ask yourself these questions: What is the part you hate? What about it do you hate? Is there a way to skip that step or delegate? How can I add pleasure or joy to it? Ex: use a timer and dedicate a specific amount of time to a task, then stop when the timer goes off. Play your favorite playlist while doing a task you don’t enjoy doing.

Focus on Marriage Podcast- Common Problems and Letting Go of Selfishness

Many newly married couples have unrealistic expectations of marriage, such as “We are always going to agree on spending money. We will draw closer to our family and in-laws once we are married. We will divide up household responsibilities equally. We will have amazing sex often. I will never feel lonely in my marriage.” These unmet expectations are common sources of frustration in marriage.

Despite these common struggles, remember to ask yourself: What do you like about your partner? Why did you marry your partner? Why do you believe you’re married today?

One interesting point made in this podcast is that husbands are often looking for validation, and women feel resentment because they feel they are doing more than their husbands and it goes unnoticed.

Also, husbands often hear more about what they don’t do than about what they do do, leading them to feel unloved and unappreciated. They are seeking affirmations. Provide affirmations, appreciation, and validation, and also put effort into equalizing responsibilities.

Optimal Living Daily- How to Create Time for Self-Care Without Feeling Guilty by Ellen Burgan

When you take care of yourself, you have more energy, patience, and compassion for others AND yourself.

Common obstacles to self-care and what you can do about them:

“I don’t have enough time” ⇛ This is a sign that you’re prioritizing others above yourself. This is a matter of how we choose to use our time. Remember that taking care of yourself will ultimately make you more productive and efficient in the long run.

“I can’t afford it” ⇛ Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive. There are several free or low-cost options, such as going for a walk, doing yoga at home, journaling, reading a book, coloring, or listening to music or a podcast.

“I don’t know how to do it” ⇛ It doesn’t have to be complicated. Find something you enjoy doing, and go do it. Find what works for you and make it a regular part of your routine. For me, self-care includes reading, exercising, listening to podcasts, and journaling + the very occasional massage.

“I’m too tired” ⇛ This is an even better indication to take time for yourself! Self-care can help boost energy levels, relieve stress and burnout, and improve sleep.

“I don’t have anyone to do it with” ⇛ You can still take care of yourself while flying solo.

Tips:

  • Shift the way you think about self-care. Instead of feeling guilty, shift your thoughts to that of well-deserved time to focus on and care for yourself. If you take care of yourself, you will be a more fun person for others to be around.
  • Prioritize self-care. Schedule self-care and include it in your regular routine.
  • Set boundaries. Practice saying no to things that don’t align with your priorities or that are draining you. Every time you say no to another obligation, you are saying yes to yourself.
  • Use small chunks of time. If you can’t find a long burst of time for self-care, use the short bursts of time you have. Maybe spend 10 minutes a couple times a day for yourself, and as you get better at finding dedicated time to yourself, you can increase it to a daily routine.
  • Ask for help and be willing to accept help. Delegate tasks if you are able to so that you can have some time for yourself.
Crina and Kirsten Get to Work- Workplace Mental Health Takes Center Stage: A New Priority for the Surgeon General

The Office of the Surgeon General created a framework for workplace mental health and well-being. All reflection questions are taken from: https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/reflection-questions-workplace-mental-health-well-being.pdf

  • Protection from harm: safety and security.
    • Prioritize workplace physical and psychological health.
    • Enable adequate rest.
    • Normalize and support mental health by validating challenges, communicating mental health and well-being as priorities, and offering both support and prevention services.
  • Connection and community: social support and belonging.
    • Create cultures of inclusion and belonging.
    • Cultivate trusted relationships.
    • Foster collaboration and teamwork.
  • Work-life harmony: autonomy and flexibility.
    • Provide more autonomy over how work is done.
    • Make schedules as flexible and predictable as possible.
    • Increase access to paid leave.
    • Respect boundaries between work and non-work time.
  • Mattering at work: dignity and meaning.
    • Provide a living wage.
    • Engage workers in workplace decisions.
    • Build a culture of gratitude and recognition.
    • Connect individual work with organizational mission (shared purpose).
  • Opportunity for growth: learning and accomplishment.
    • Offer quality training, education, and mentoring.
    • Foster clear and equitable pathways for career advancement.
    • Ensure relevant and reciprocal feedback.

How is your employer doing with all of these?

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday- April 20, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Self Improvement Daily- Earn Respect, Not Validation

Our interest to prioritize and maintain strong social connections is fundamental to our success as a species, and in order to appease our ego, we seek validation, approval, and acknowledgement from others as a means to confirm our importance. This may cause us to do things that aren’t in alignment with who we want to be because we need quick access to the validating spike of feeling important.

What we’re actually searching for, that leaves a deeper and lasting impression, is other people’s respect. This goes beyond what you do and into who you are– your character and your values. This is more difficult to earn, and in a society that is addicted to immediate gratification, sometimes people don’t even have the patience to get there.

Ted Talks Daily- 4 ways to make hybrid work better for everyone

I was surprised to learn that, using surveys, polls, and meta-analyses, over 70% of employees in most global surveys want a mix of in-person and remote formats moving forward.

Many employers unexpectedly moved to a remote or hybrid format during the COVID-19 pandemic. Many also haven’t put much thought into a plan. Some employers want employees in the office a certain number of days each week, but don’t care when. Others haven’t set expectations. Others have clear expectations about when employees need to be in the office. Here are 4 ways to make hybrid work better for everyone:

  1. Coordinate anchor days — days you and those you collaborate with are in the office on the same day.
  2. Plan spontaneity. Set aside 6-7 minutes of online meetings to chat informally about something other than work. Consider happy hours, trivia challenges, or lunches or coffee with coworkers.
  3. Match digital tools with communication objectives. Sometimes e-mails, IMs, and phone calls won’t cut it. Use video calls for conversations when needed.
  4. Consistency between hybrid policies and attitudes is the only way to build a hybrid culture for everyone. If you want your employees to come in a certain number of days, assign days or make that expectation clear. If there aren’t any clear expectations and people don’t come in the same number of days, nobody should be made to feel guilty for not coming in as often as others.
Optimal Finance Daily- Budgeting Tips: 10 Ways to Lower Your Life’s Fixed Costs by Joshua Becker
  1. Buy or rent a smaller home. Housing costs generally take up the largest percentage of a person’s expenses.
  2. Avoid car payments.
  3. Double-check recurring expenses and cancel any you no longer need or use.
  4. Research insurance costs. Double-check your premiums and compare other options.
  5. Take your lunch to work.
  6. Pay off your credit card debt. Interest payments are like flushing dollars down the drain. We don’t receive anything for them.
  7. Stop upgrading your phone just because you are eligible.
  8. Cut utility bills at home. Get a programmable thermostat, lower the temperature on your water heater, unplug unused electronics, cut cable, or seal your home better for cold and heat.
  9. Research childcare options in your area. Sometimes new childcare centers are much less expensive than the one your child or children is currently enrolled in.
  10. Ditch the storage unit. If your storage unit is simply storing stuff because you own too much stuff, get rid of it. Stop paying money to keep stuff you don’t need.
Curious Kid Podcast- Curious About Prosthetics

https://www.bakersfield.com/news/health/15-interesting-facts-about-prosthetics/article_fd58fef4-a590-5067-8d3e-6463e5374126.html

The word “prosthetic” is Greek. When translated to English, it means “addition.” A prosthetic is a device that provides support in place of the body part so that people can perform day-to-day functions.

  • In ancient Rome, there are accounts of warriors who used prosthetics made of iron and wood to make artificial arms and legs.
  • Thousands of years ago, prosthetics were cosmetic.
  • During the French Renaissance, prosthetics became functional and included harnesses and knee lock controls, as well as softer materials.
  • Limb loss can be caused by a disease or cancer that impacted that body part, a car accident, or being born without a body part.
  • Prosthetics are made according to what body part is missing. How it looks and how it is made is dependent on the person and body part. Generally, measurements are taken and a cast is made. A mold is made to specifications. It is shaped to be comfortable for the patient. Most prosthetics are constructed with lightweight carbon fiber, aluminum, and titanium components.

Nearly 75 percent of amputations are caused by diabetes and cardiovascular complication. The most common type of amputation is a below-knee amputation.

The average prosthetic lasts *only* three to five years!

Most amputees wear a stump shrinker, which is a compression sock that keeps the limb from swelling when the prosthesis is not on their limb. Most amputees wear a silicone gel liner that helps to cushion and protect the limb during walking.

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/best-price-guaranteed

Best Price. Guaranteed.

But what does best mean?

Lowest?

Most efficient?

Most satisfaction?

Most bang for the buck?

The price most people would enjoy?

Since ‘best’ isn’t defined, the guarantee is also meaningless.”

Gabe the Bass Player at gabethebassplayer.com
The Economics of Everyday Things- Gas Stations

In the U.S., Americans use 374 million gallons of gas every day!

Gas is cheap in the U.S. relative to other countries. Considering the amount we use, though, every penny counts.

We often blame politicians and oil executives, but the easiest target is the gas station owner. There are 145,000 gas stations in the U.S. 8 out of 10 are independently owned and operated. They pay oil companies for the right to use their branding and gas. Many come from other countries.

  • 50-60% of cost of gas is from the cost of crude oil. $4.00 cost of one gallon of gas= $2 cost of crude, 70 cents to refine it, 40 cents to move it from refinery to gas station, 50 cents for federal/state/local taxes. For a $4.00 gallon of gas it costs about $3.60 to get it to the pump. Gas station owners make about 30-40 cents out of every gallon they sell, which has to cover maintenance, electric bill, rent, liability, etc. In the end, they are averaging 7 cents per gallon of profit.
  • Gas stations have a daily profit of about $300 after all expenses.
  • Gas stations regularly face competition with other area gas stations.
  • Station owners usually buy a few days of gas at a time and store it in underground tanks, but the price of wholesale gas changes every 24 hours. As a station owner, you can lower your prices and lose money or keep a little profit margin and watch your customers go to another station.
  • When crude prices go up, station owners are slow to pass on the extra cost to us at the pump, but when they fall, they don’t set the prices lower right away either. When gas prices increase, tight margin on gas gets squeezed even further, people buy less gas, and people also buy less inside the store. Higher gas prices also result in more theft.

Gas isn’t a big money maker. The bulk of a gas station owner’s income comes from selling food, where they have an average 33% gross profit inside the store.

Healthier Together- How to Know if You Should Have Kids + Debunking Myths About Parenthood

I don’t have kids (yet), so this was an interesting podcast with different perspectives and insights!

Many people ask “Are you going to have KIDS?” One point the podcast host made is “How will you know whether you want to have KIDS (plural)? Should I have KID? Then you can decide whether you should have KIDS.”

The most surprising point I learned on this podcast is that the ideal age to become a parent is said to be 38 or 39! This provides time to enjoy two adulthoods: 18-38 can be spent traveling, establishing your relationship with your partner, establishing your career, etc. Another adulthood starts when having kids at 38 or 39. This also results in having wisdom, perspective, and better finances, and, if you live long and are healthy, your kids can still care for you when you are old.

Many people have kids earlier due to societal or family pressure or the fear of infertility. If you have concerns about fertility with waiting, check with your doctor about fertility tests and risks. This makes more sense than having kids earlier simply due to this sometimes-unreasonable fear. Some fertility treatments are covered by insurance or are available through grants.

If you are concerned about finances, you can save money through hand-me-downs, secondhand retail, community or church groups, and neighborhood exchanges. You can also do a childcare exchange with friends.

Our society says we value children, but we do not put the $ or attention there. Many employers do not offer paid maternity or paternity leave, resources, or flexibility for childcare, etc.

You may never feel 100% confident in your decision to have kids. That’s okay. 60/40 confident is enough. It isn’t about baby or no baby. If you are postponing or thinking about not having kids, ask yourself if there’s anything you haven’t done yet in life that needs to happen. We will have some disappointments. Ask yourself “What hasn’t happened yet that I want to happen between now and when I die?” It’s about thinking about what is important to you that hasn’t happened yet and how you will fit that in. Be able to name those things and think about, if you actually have extra time and $, are you really going to do those things?

If you are afraid to bring a child into this world, know that people were also worried in the 80s and other decades. There have always been big issues dominating our consciousness and people still chose to have children and have not regretted it. There is always going to be some concern or worldly issue.

There is a lot of stress involved in raising kids, but the major factor is whether the child was planned or an accident and whether the parents had a close, high-quality relationship before having a child. Once kids are grown, parents rave about being parents.

There are many ways of finding life satisfaction and meaning even without having kids. Many parents do say that having kids has brought the most happiness in their lives, but that does not mean that you need to have kids to be happy. Volunteering, hobbies, career fulfillment, being a coach, and many other things can also bring meaning and happiness.

You can get to know your partner better than ever before just by thinking and talking this topic through. It’s not just “yes” or “no.” What are your fears? What do you want your life to look like? How will you share in the responsibilities? What is important to you?

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday- March 23, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

On Purpose with Jay Shetty- 4 Relationship Struggles We Go Through

This episode covered four typical relationship struggles and how to overcome them.:

  • Technoference – when your partner is not fully paying attention due to being distracted by tv/phone/computer.
    • How to fix it: Set a rule that when you want your partner’s undivided attention, you communicate that. Ask when they are available for undivided attention. That way you won’t be upset or frustrated if your partner isn’t fully present with you and your conversation. Show you are listening to your partner by mirroring and repeating the last few words that your partner says.
    • One suggestion: Put your phone away during meals and communicate that expectation.
  • Bringing work stress home. This is especially hard when working from home due to having no transitional time to decompress and disconnect through a transitional commute.
    • How to fix it: Take a moment to breathe and decompress after work. Figure out your individual and collective recharging exercises.

My recharging exercises: working out, music, reading, podcasts, hanging out with friends

His: tv, Tiktok, podcasts

Ours: talking to each other, tv

  • Finances– even if you have separate accounts, it is important to talk about your desires, dreams, and concerns and be on the same page.
    • How to fix finance issues: invest in your relationship! Make sure you are doing things that are benefiting you as a couple.
    • How much $ is spent on a wedding vs. a marriage?
  • Chores– resenting partner when you feel like you are picking up the slack
    • How to fix it: Set expectations about who’s doing what and when. It’s unfair to always expect your partner to pick up your slack. Review and reset expectations as needed.
NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – This or That: Travel Credit Card or Cash-Back Credit Card

Travel credit cards often come with several benefits, and cards that charge a higher annual fee offer better benefits. Benefits often include no foreign transaction fees, airline benefits such as free checked bags/lounge access/TSA pre-check, rental car insurance, travel insurance, and hotel vouchers or benefits.

  • Things to Consider:
    • Travel credit cards typically don’t have a set % back. You get points instead.
    • It takes TIME to calculate whether travel credit card annual fees are worth it for you, especially if you don’t travel often and won’t use all of the perks!

Cash-back cards often offer no annual fee and a set cash back amount to use as you please. You don’t have to calculate if it’s worth it for you, especially if there is no annual fee.

**It’s not truly this OR that. You can have both a travel credit card and a cash-back card or multiple cards of each if that’s best for you!

Self Improvement Daily- Waking up is the first thing to be grateful for

I’ve never really thought about life as presented in the episode. “Waking up is the first thing to be grateful for” was emphasized in two ways:

  • There are people who are going to sleep tonight who won’t be waking up tomorrow.
  • There are people waking up this morning for the last time and they have no idea.

Imagine if you knew today was going to be the last day of your life. Would you treat your day much differently?

One of the most fascinating things I learned this week is that counterfeit coupons are a nationwide problem and there is a Coupon Information Corporation that investigates counterfeit coupons! I recently watched an episode of “The Con” that highlighted “Coupon Con” Lori Ann Talens. This was the largest coupon scam in U.S. History.

Lori took to couponing while on bed rest, and, using her graphic design skills, she created realistic counterfeit coupons to score free meals, household supplies, and money. She used social media sites and apps to sell counterfeit coupons from April 2017-May 2020 and made about $400,000, and an investigation revealed her computer contained over 13,000 barcodes she created for products she designed coupons for! Counterfeit coupons were also found all over her house and valued at over $1 million. The businesses victimized suffered over $31 million in losses, and Lori and her husband were sentenced to prison.

This week I read that houses are generally a terrible investment for all but real estate brokers, the government, insurance companies, and banks. In the first nine years of a standard thirty-year mortgage, around 50 percent of your total payment goes toward interest, while the rest goes toward paying down the principal. In order to figure out whether it makes sense to buy or rent, we need to consider the interest, add the extra costs of owning a house (property tax, maintenance, homeowner’s insurance, utilities you wouldn’t be responsible for in an apartment, etc.). This is where the Rule of 150 comes from. Multiply your monthly mortgage payment by 150 percent and that is how much your house will actually cost per month, once all expenses are factored in.

In 2022, which was our first year of owning our house, we paid over $11,000 in mortgage interest and over $3,500 in property taxes. We also paid PMI, homeowner’s insurance, and some utilities I was not used to paying for while I lived in an apartment. Not considering homeowner’s insurance, PMI, and utilities, we paid over $14,500 in just mortgage interest and property taxes that we have nothing to show for!!

Homeownership is not cheap and it is not for everyone. I love living together and having designated spaces to work, sleep, cook, relax, and work out, and I love the location. However, this past year, all things considered, it was not a good financial investment last year.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday- February 23, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Living Daily- The Myth of the Someday/Maybe Life

The myth of the someday/maybe life refers to the urge to save things for our someday/maybe lives that are never the lives we are actually living right now.

Example listed in the podcast: a tan trench coat that has never been worn, but had been kept in case the person decided to be Inspector Gadget at Halloween some year.

If you struggle to let go of items for your someday/maybe life, ask yourself:

  • Would I buy it again today?
  • Have I used this in the last year/am I really ever going to use it?
  • What’s the worst thing that would happen if I let go of this? The worst-case scenario is usually not all that bad.

Tips: for clothing, turn the hangers around after wearing clothing to see what you wear, and get rid of clothes facing the original direction after six months or a year. I currently do this.

Pack things away in a box that you think you might need. If you don’t look for them after one year, the box is already packed and ready to donate!

In January, I challenged myself to give away 1 item each day in my local Buy Nothing Facebook page. I got rid of over 31 items–many items that were sitting in totes because I had thought I might use them someday! It was a great start to the year, and I may do this challenge again in the coming months.

Self Improvement Daily- Give Yourself Your Undivided Attention

People are always competing for our attention: marketers use clickbait headlines, Facebook and other apps send you notifications, friends text you and hope that you get back to them quickly, you may have work duties, and there are always other pressures on us to fulfill the many roles in our lives as a spouse, parent, family member, friend, volunteer, employee, etc.

In this podcast, Brian Ford prompts us to ask ourselves: When was the last time you gave yourself your undivided attention?

Take time to sit and reflect on what you want, how you are feeling, how energized you have been, how productive you have been, how your mental health is, what you are working towards and how it’s going, what you’re most excited about, and anything else you need to reflect on. Do this regularly. We know it’s the best thing we can do for others, but it’s also the best thing we can do for ourselves.

To achieve this, one habit I regularly practice is to disable Facebook and messenger notifications, personal e-mail notifications, and other app notifications on my phone. Silencing my phone while I am working or working on a task I want to prioritize, such as reading, is also helpful.

SHE with Jordan Lee Dooley- 6 Things I Wish I Knew Before Getting Married

This episode was SO relatable. After being somewhat long-distance for 7+ years and not living together or seeing each other on weekdays before marriage, it has been an adjustment! Here are the 6 things the host wishes she knew before getting married, and I agree with all of these:

Scheduling– know your partner’s schedule. It’s helpful to have a shared calendar to know obligations and appointments. I keep a whiteboard calendar in our bedroom and write down my work schedule, medical appointments, family plans, and social outings with friends each month.

Conversations about $– have conversations about income and budgeting. Get on the same page about financial goals and dreams. Have monthly check-ins.

Organization– Keep clutter to a minimum. Have a landing zone to put stuff when you come in the door, such as a basket. Have a location where you put mail that you need to get to instead of putting it on the table or counter. Have one space for the majority of the cleaning supplies. Use a file cabinet with organized tabs. Understand how you organize differently. Minimize your belongings.

The host specifically stated that her husband is into outdoor activities, such as golf, fishing, and hunting. She was tired of seeing all of his items all over the garage, so she got him a big bin to put all of his items into–out of sight.

We have implemented some of the organizational tips above. We have a large storage stand with cleaners and laundry supplies, labeled and organized bins for medications and personal beauty products, and a file bin with labeled file folders for items such as the mortgage, auto, taxes, medical records, home improvement, etc.

Expectations– Talk about expectations for regular household tasks, such as “If I do the cooking, who does the dishes?” Who should take charge of the household accounting? Who should pay which bills? Is the mortgage payment going to be split evenly? How do you prefer to unwind or relax, and how many hours a day do you like to do that? Identify who is responsible for household chores. This prevents resentment from the person who feels like he or she is doing it all because he or she expected everything to be done on a certain timeline.

All of these are great questions! One of the biggest adjustments for us as newlyweds has been sharing time and space. When dating for 7+ years, we spent weeknights apart. Upon moving in together, I was very surprised and frustrated to find that my husband watches hours of tv each night after work–something I had never done regularly on a weeknight. I have since learned that this is his method of relaxing and unwinding after a long day of physical labor. I sit all day, so I have other ways of unwinding, including working out and staying active, reading, etc. We have our separate time and come together at some point each day to unwind together.

Hospitality– practice hospitality by regularly hosting people. We LOVE hosting people and are hoping to host more often.

Grace– lastly, give yourself grace! Being a power couple isn’t the goal. The perfect couple doesn’t exist. What you see on social media is only a fraction.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday- February 16, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Self Improvement Daily- Heck Ya or No Thank You

We tend to overcommit to things out of obligation, guilt, boredom, or an overall lack of boundaries. You can control what you commit to, and you can and should say no to protect your time, boundaries, and self-care. “You deserve to feel like you’re putting your heart into everything you do. That’s a real possibility in your life. And the only way you get there is by raising your standards.”

So the next time you’re making a decision to do something or not, ask yourself “Do I really want to do this?” If your answer is “Heck Ya” then follow the pull of it. If it’s anything else, politely say “No Thank You.”

Brian Ford
How to Be a Better Human- How to get the medical care you deserve

Doctors are often rushing from patient to patient, and many times patients feel unheard. Here are some tips to get the medical care you deserve:

Prepare for your appointment with a chronological written history of your issue/story. This helps because if you feel/look fine at your appointment, you can still get your doctor’s attention with a written chronology of information and also save the doctor time. Also, come prepared with questions. Often doctors are rushed, so having your story written down and organized helps!

  • Try to get your doctor to listen to you. Some sample statements are “I want to really explain to you how this illness has affected my life.” For a chronic health issue, state “These symptoms are different than what I had been experiencing.” Emphasize what you have tried already for treatment. Ask your doctor what diagnosis the doctor thinks this is. It also helps to have a family member or spouse with you to get the doctor’s attention.
  • Have your primary care doctor or referring provider provide the specialist with a note of your symptoms, progress, what has been tried, etc.
  • Try to get to know your provider before an urgent issue comes up to build trust.

Doctors have more focus during telemedicine visits. There are fewer distractions, as they are only seeing one patient at a time, they aren’t dealing with others knocking on their door, etc. Virtual appointments present a greater opportunity to share your story.

I have learned that you really need to be your own advocate in the healthcare system. Throughout most of my life, I had various symptoms and was (mis)diagnosed with various conditions, and sometimes I was told that it’s “normal” or that it’s “in my head.” Other times, my symptoms worsened and I felt unheard because providers tried to tell me that it’s normal to have those symptoms with my diagnosis. After several doctor visits with different providers, many medications, and worsening symptoms, I decided to be my own advocate and write a chronological history of my symptoms, what medications I’ve tried, etc. and requested to be seen at the notorious Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. I am grateful that I was accepted for a second opinion. With my personal written chronological history and a list of questions, I finally left my appointment feeling heard and understood, and I was eventually properly diagnosed and presented with treatments and resources that had not been considered by other providers. Be your own advocate!

TED Talks Daily- The secret to making new friends as an adult

Friendship does not happen organically in adulthood. It is based on effort. In childhood, repeated unplanned interactions and shared vulnerabilities created friendship, which were easy in the school setting. These factors require more effort in adulthood.

Marisa G. Franco
  • Overcome covert avoidance, which is seeing people physically but checking out mentally. Show up and engage with people.
  • For friendship to happen, someone has to be brave and initiate conversation.
  • Having outside friendships is necessary for a healthy marriage and makes you more resilient through the difficulties of marriage.
  • Be vulnerable and assume people like you. For long-distance friendships and breaks in communication, assume people still want to connect but may be busy.
  • In-person connections tend to be stronger than virtual connections.
  • Find a group that meets around a hobby (hiking, meditation, book club, football, etc.). We tend to like people who are familiar to us. Ask members if they want to meet up before or after the group meets.

Our personalities are fundamentally a reflection of our experiences of connection or disconnection (coping mechanisms, friendly, open, cynical, aggressive, violent). How we have connected impacts who we are, and who we are impacts how we connect.

Marisa G. Franco
Jordan Harbinger Show- Death- Skeptical Sunday

The average funeral cost in the United States is over $11,000.

The rising cost of funerals leads to 88,000 bodies going unclaimed every year so that families won’t be on the hook for paying a bill.

funerals.org has helpful resources of your rights, ways to cut costs when planning a funeral, and funeral/burial requirements.

Some ways people cut costs:

  • Half of Americans choose to cremate to cut costs. Others proceed with immediate burial to eliminate the embalming process.
  • Shop around.
  • Purchase a casket online. Mortuaries are required to accept a casket from an outside vendor.
  • Plan a memorial service, where there is no need for embalming, refrigeration, a grave site, or a fancy casket.
  • Consider donating your body to a medical school for research.
  • Eliminate the vault. A vault made of concrete, steel, or lightweight fiberglass-type materials completely encloses the casket in the grave, while a less expensive concrete grave liner covers only the top and sides. No state or federal law requires the use of a burial vault, but most cemeteries do. The vault prevents the grave from sinking in after decomposition of the body and casket, making it easier to mow with heavy equipment.

Interesting facts:

  • There is no federal law mandating embalming. Some states require it. Most funeral homes have a policy that they won’t allow a viewing unless you embalm.
  • 4.3 million gallons of embalming fluid are used in the United States each year.

The strangest idea from this podcast was the concept of green burials: no embalming fluids, no concrete vaults, only biodegradable burial containers (a small box that disintegrates into the earth within 3-6 months/after 12 months, there is no evidence of your burial), hand dug graves, and no polished monuments.

When I first heard this, it gave me serial killer vibes! However, the podcast host mentioned that green burials result in you being part of the earth just like every animal who died throughout history.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – February 2, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

“What’s New?” – Self Improvement Daily

A question that we often ask each other to catch up is “What’s new?”. The question is well-intended but the response is usually underwhelming – “Work is good, family is good, all’s good!”

Brian Ford

“What’s new?” is an opportunity to share what you’re excited about, what is changing in your life, or what you’re working on. If you’re pursuing the best version of yourself, there should always be something new going on to share.

The next time someone asks you “What’s new?”, instead of giving the same generic response, tell them what you’re working on, what is changing in your life, or what you’re excited about. Use it as an opportunity to share.

On Purpose with Jay Shetty- 6 Ways to Know if You’re Compatible with Someone + 4 Steps to Build Real Connection

Chemistry does not equal compatibility. Chemistry is like lighting a matchstick. It burns and runs out. Compatibility is like a candle that burns slowly and takes much longer to run out.

Jay Shetty

Compatibility does NOT mean the same personality. You can have a lot in common personality-wise, but have massively different expectations and input that don’t make you compatible. A lot of people want their partner to have the same exact interests as them. You aren’t trying to date yourself! “We’re so different” is not what leads to distance.

Compatibility does not mean it is easy to get along. It requires deeper understanding and knowledge, which often requires discomfort. Compatibility requires discomfort.

Jay Shetty

Compatibility does NOT require changing someone else.

Most of us believe that the way WE were raised is the right way to do things. You’ve built a home full of your ideas, and when you get into a relationship, you tend to want your partner to live in your house with your ideas and thoughts, and they want to live in their house with their ideas. Getting in a relationship requires you to build your own house together with bricks from each one.

Steps to build compatibility:

  • RARE:
    • Recognize differences. Know where that person is different. Ex: Organized vs. spontaneous
    • Awareness of their stance and why. Where did it come from and why are they that way? Compatibility means I know why I am the way I am, and I know why my partner is the way they are. Compatibility requires that you have an awareness of why someone makes the choices they’re making.
    • Respect their approach.
    • Express your feelings without feeling judged. It takes time and skill.

Think of this: Are you able to recognize my differences, be aware of how I think and why I think that way, respect that, and let me express myself without feeling judged? Can we do this daily and get better at it? Are we willing to do the work to be together? It’s NOT “Are we right for each other?” Instead, it’s “Do we want to be right for each other?”

Areas of compatibility:

Wealth compatibility- does not mean you have the same views about $ or finances. Do we understand why each of us thinks about $ in this way? What is the solution we want to create together?

Beauty- If you’re together, how do you feel about yourself?

Power- knowing which partner is good at what and letting them lead in that area. People often criticize their partners in public. How does your partner want to be acknowledged and appreciated?

Renunciation- letting your partner grow at their own pace. Use encouragement, guidance, love, and support, not force. Their path is different than yours.

Knowledge compatibility- trying to learn new things with each other or learning new things separately and sharing your learnings.

Harvard Business Review Ideacast- Why Some Start-Ups Fail to Scale

Common reasons why start-ups fail to scale:

  • Can’t source enough supply to keep up with the demand
  • Problems securing capital to the point where the business becomes cash-flow positive
  • Not having sufficiently coherent culture/efforts not aligned when increasing number of staff
  • Attempting to scale into a market that isn’t big enough to justify their scale/don’t have practical or feasible means to reach their target market when scaling

Start-ups need an effective way to get to their target market/market strategy, an idea of the approach to monetization, capital investment, a strategy to hit milestones that will get them capital investment, and need a plan for sustainability.

Case example: Wayfair. Wayfair started with multiple specific websites for each type of products. They eventually realized that, in order to have repeat customers, they needed to merge into one website: Wayfair.

Taken from Wayfair.com:

“Niraj and Steve jumped in, looking at what people were searching for and building destinations for those products. Soon they had launched CSN Stores, a collection of more than 200 sites with everything from bar stools to bedroom furniture and birdhouses.

In 2011, we brought everything together under one roof and created wayfair.com: a single site where people could find millions of products for every part of their homes.”

One of my favorite television shows is Shark Tank. I love to get an inside look at entrepreneurship and venture capital, and I find it fascinating to learn about new products, successes and challenges, and negotiations. I often find myself evaluating whether I think a product is going to become useful and popular, whether it is a product that allows the company to have repeat customers, whether I think the entrepreneurs should give up a certain percentage of their company to investors, etc. Many entrepreneurs on the show have issues sourcing supply to keep up with the demand, problems securing capital, difficulty trying to become cash-flow positive, and attempting to scale into a market that isn’t big enough.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday- January 26, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Ted Health- How to Manage Your Stress Like an ER Doctor

When people ask how others have been, “crazy busy” is a common answer. “Crazy busy” mode means you are less capable of handling the busy. The truth is, you can be as busy as an emergency department without being crazy busy. Instead of “crazy busy,” ready mode means you are ready for whatever comes at you, and you are capable of handling it.

Just as ER doctors do, we need to relentlessly triage. Crazy busy involves reacting to every challenge with the same response. Ready mode involves triaging and prioritizing by degrees of urgency. Individuals who react to everything with the same response have double the level of stress hormones.

Triage:

Red- immediately life-threatening

Yellow- serious, but not immediately life-threatening

Green- minor

Black- for patients for whom there is nothing ER doctors can do. We must move on.

We each have our own black tasks in our lives – items that we must take off of our lists. If you try to do everything, you have no hope of saving your “reds.”

Part of the problem in crazy busy mode is that you are reacting to everything as if it is red. Start by triaging. Know your “reds.”

To avoid burnout, design your life to make tasks easier to do. Find ways to reduce daily decisions, such as meal planning and prepping for the week during the weekend. Automate any recurring bills. Habit stack (ex: listen to a podcast while getting ready for work, clean or do dishes while your food is in the oven, etc.) Time block for single tasks and eliminate distractions.

Own the busy, but stop calling it crazy.

Self Improvement Daily- Setting the Tone for the Day

“When you snooze and delay starting the day, you’re giving yourself permission to allow your emotions to affect your decision making. This often causes you to start the day running behind, which then is an energy that affects how you show up to everything else.”

Self Improvement Daily Podcast

Pre-determine 5 minutes of activity that begins the second your alarm goes off, don’t check your phone, and avoid social media right away in the morning. Instead, stick to a pre-planned routine to set your intentions for the day. I have also heard in a different podcast that sitting up and drinking a glass of water while in bed right when your alarms goes off aids in waking you up quickly.

I have been snoozing the alarm regularly lately, and I will be trying these tips soon!

7 Fat Loss Tips We Can Learn From Bodybuilders- Optimal Health Daily

Protein should be first priority! Choose lean meats.

Replace more complex carbs with fibrous veggies.

Do cardio first thing in the morning on an empty stomach.

Hydrate adequately. Getting enough water is essential to obtaining your fat loss results. Water should be 90% of the liquid you drink each day.

On Purpose Podcast with Jay Shetty- 6 Scientifically Proven Ways to Improve Work-Life Balance

Build skills and learn more to create more meaning from work. Are you realizing your potential at work? Skills result in increased productivity and effectiveness and therefore decrease stress.

Flexibility and autonomy generate satisfaction with work-life balance. Look for roles that offer flexibility and autonomy.

Take time to do things that are refreshing. Do something for yourself each day. Get outside in nature during the day, and if you can’t, go to a window and look outside often.

Switch away from to-do lists and toward time blocking to focus on individual tasks without distractions.

Focus on the relationships at work as much as the work itself.

Runner’s World Magazine article- Run 26.2 Miles on a Glacier by Elizabeth L. Silver

I learned about the 7 Continents Marathon Club, which currently consists of 407 members! From the website (icemarathon.com): “The Club is unique, reserved for athletes who have run a marathon within the Antarctic Circle on the Antarctica continent, as well as on the other six continents.” The Antarctic marathon costs $21,500 alone + some travel expenses, so many runners are sponsored by athletic apparel companies.

I also came across this YouTube video in which marathoners run 7 marathons in 7 continents in 7 days, starting with Antarctica!

I have never run a marathon, but I found this inspiring and fascinating.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!