Tag: #melrobbinspodcast

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – January 4, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Frugal Friends Podcast – Declutter Your Home in 30 Days
  • Grab a box, walk around your home room by room, and put anything you don’t need in the box. Start with the easy stuff. Do this several times.
  • Find motivation with built-in deadlines. Set a timer for 15 minutes and do the first wave in 15 minutes.
  • Donate more. Use your local Buy Nothing group or Facebook marketplace. You can try selling what you would like to. If it’s not sold within a week, donate it.
  • Have people in your household help you declutter. Have them find things they would like to give away or donate.
  • Don’t rent a storage unit long-term. If you want to rent a storage unit short-term, pack up boxes and label them with a date. If, after 6 months to 1 year, you don’t go to your storage unit looking for that item, get rid of everything in the boxes, and get rid of the storage unit.
  • Plan to have people over to give you a sense of urgency to get rid of the clutter. Use that as a deadline for you to declutter.
  • Don’t confuse the desire to change with actual change. Thinking about change is not the same as implementing change.
  • Spending money on something does not result in that hobby or activity getting done.
  • Challenges
    • 10 minutes, 10 spaces – 100 items. Get rid of 10 items from each of 10 different spaces, for a total of 100 items.
    • Minimalist challenge – get rid of 1 item on the 1st of the month, 2 items on the 2nd day, and so on, so on the 31st day of the month, you will get rid of 31 items. This challenge is often unfinished. You can do this challenge backwards – start with getting rid of 31 items, then 30, etc.
  • Ask yourself: How do I actually foresee myself using this in the future? How much would it cost if I got rid of this and then suddenly needed to get it again? Where am I going to keep this item?
  • If you haven’t used it in the last year and it costs less than $20 to replace it, get rid of it.

Last January, I got rid of one thing each day in our local Buy Nothing group. This year, so far, we have started decluttering one spare room that has been filled with boxes we haven’t really touched since we combined our belongings over a year ago. We have organized what we are keeping, we have thrown a lot of junk away, and we have made piles to give away. It is crazy to think about how much stuff we don’t actually need/want! We have several more spaces/rooms to declutter yet, but it is exciting that we started.

Life Kit – The decluttering philosophy that can help you keep your home organized
  • Start in the easiest place first – not paperwork or sentimental things. Decide what should stay or go. If you decide to get rid of things, get it out of the room/space right then to eliminate clutter.
  • After you decide to keep things, find a space for them.
  • The smaller the space, the more intentional you need to be. Ask yourself: What are the 3-5 activities you want to do in this space? How do you want it to look? How do you want to feel?
Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast – 10 Life Changing Things I Learned in 10 Years of Lifting
  • You will never be at an “end point.” You will crush goals and create new goals. Learn to love the process and appreciate how far you’ve come.
  • Training to failure is overrated. Do a specified number of reps and don’t overtrain.
  • Nothing beats consistency.  Set realistic goals.
  • Lifestyle adaptation – fight laziness and enjoy the process.
  • You’re not giving 100%. You’re typically capable of a lot more than you think.
  • Supplements are way less important than you think. Supplements are supplemental to a great diet, great training, and a great mindset.
  • If you find something especially hard, do more of it. Ex: cooking, hard exercises, fixing sleep schedule. Fix your weakness.
  • Keep learning and reading. Question everything and try to have a deeper understanding of it.
  • You should be doing this to be healthy, not just look sexy.
  • Form will always be one of the most important things. Without the right form, you’re either getting injured or you aren’t getting the most out of the movement.

  • Whenever someone is doing something you don’t like, let them.
  • You will be more in control when you use the “let them” theory. You stop giving your time and energy to other people and situations you can’t control. You take your time and energy back and figure out what is best for you.
  • The more you try to control something, the more out of control you feel. The only way to feel in control in life is to focus on where your time and energy is going.
  • Everyone has an opinion of you. Unhook yourself from that concern. Their opinion of you is irrelevant to you.
  • It’s not your job to manage other people’s reactions. When you think about how often you are managing other people’s reactions, managing other people’s happiness, tiptoeing around the topics, shrinking yourself, staying silent, not asking for what you need, trying to fix problems, showing up when you don’t feel like it, doing things out of guilt, you are resisting the reality of the situation. When you think about it, you will realize how much time and energy you have and how much time and energy you can spend on yourself.
  • You aren’t responsible for other people’s happiness, other people’s boundaries, or managing other people’s tantrums. You’re responsible for your truth, your needs, expressing yourself, and telling people how you feel. You’re responsible for creating what you want.
  • When we step in and feel the responsibility for bailing people out, we rob them of the opportunity to face the things they didn’t face.
  • You can’t force anyone else to change or to do something. You can try, but someone only does something because they want to do something.
Optimal Finance Daily – 6 Things You Should Never Scratch Off Your Budget
  • Savings – emergency fund + retirement – even if you don’t have much money to save now, starting will help ensure that you’ll be better off financially down the line. At a minimum, contribute enough money to get an employer match.
  • Health insurance – make sure you have insurance in case you experience a major illness.
  • Debt repayment – have a plan to pay down student loans, credit cards, and other high-interest debts as quickly as possible. Consider getting a side hustle or working overtime to increase your income and pay off debts.
  • Life insurance – make sure your dependents are covered if something were to happen to you tomorrow. Adjust your life insurance policy as needed; you may need to take out more money as major expenses occur or as you have more children.
  • Spending money – put aside some money to spend – don’t spend it all at once. Sometimes having something now isn’t worth incurring interest charges down the road.
  • Groceries – know what you can afford on a weekly basis. Look into ways to cut back without dramatically impacting meals, such as shopping at discount stores or taking advantage of coupons and sales. Remember that eating out often will quickly eat away any extra money you may have had available in your budget.

To save money, we shop at a discount food store, keep some staples on hand, and we frequently plan meals around what we can find at a discount rather than planning around recipes or a list.

Optimal Finance Daily – Stop Using These 6 Ridiculous Excuses For Not Saving Money
  • The first step to saving more money is to figure out why you are unable to save money.
  • “I’ll hate my life if I start saving money” ➡️You can still live a great life AND save money. You need to learn how to manage your money better so that you can live the life you want to live, but on a more realistic budget.
  • “I’ll figure out how to save money later.” ➡️Many people put off saving because they’d rather spend their money now and believe they’ll have plenty of money to save money later. There is no need to spend all of your money now just because you can.
  • “I deserve and/or need the things I buy.” ➡️Many people believe they need to upgrade to the latest and best technology, clothing, etc. and need expensive vacations. Watch your spending, figure out ways to lower your expenses, and cut out anything unnecessary.
  • “I enjoy my job and can always make money.” ➡️You should still be saving money. What happens when you can no longer work? You don’t know what the future will bring – a medical problem, a serious life event, or you may hate your job later. You can enjoy your job and save money at the same time.
  • “The city I live in is too expensive to save money.” ➡️It may take time, but you need to either increase your income or cut your expenses or do both.
  • “It’s too late for me to start saving money.” ➡️It’s never too late to start saving money. Every little bit helps and can drastically change your future. Saving something is better than nothing.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – October 5, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

The Mel Robbins Podcast – The Best Advice I Ever Heard
  • When it comes to getting things done, momentum is more important than motivation. The problem with motivation is that you won’t always feel motivated. Use 5% momentum to do 5% of the task instead of waiting until you have 100% momentum to do everything. Once you get started, you may be motivated to finish it.
  • Give yourself self-compassion. Shame is arresting; self-compassion is motivating. First address how you are speaking to yourself. Don’t get overwhelmed and down on yourself for all of the tasks you still need to do. Allow yourself to process your emotions and remember you are allowed to be human. You aren’t perfect. Shame causes paralysis; you won’t get the tasks done.
  • Get rid of the things that are too small that you’ll never fit into again but that you keep telling yourself “one day.” Your body is not meant to fit into clothes. Clothes are meant to fit your body.
  • People get pets and they are behavior-prone, yappy, flea-infested, etc. and we still decide to care for them and believe they are worthy. Yet, we don’t show that care to ourselves.
  • Think of rest as a right, not a reward. We often get the message that rest and recreation are a reward for productivity.  You don’t need to get your entire to-do list done before you give yourself time to relax.
  • People who rest in shame work in shame. If you sit down, you shouldn’t be thinking about all of the things you should be doing. This causes overwhelm and burnout.
  • Paper plates – “You can’t save the rainforest if you’re depressed.” It’s better to take shortcuts now to get you back to being a functional human being where you can actually have the energy and capacity to contribute to causes in a way that matters.
  • Everyone deserves to clock out of home labor and out-of-house labor.
  • Let go of perfectionism.

Photo From how to keep house while drowning, by KC Davis. 

When expectations aren’t met with household chores, do you go right to accusations or do you give your partner grace?

Life Kit – The new rules of laundry
  • Wash your clothes in warm water. This activates laundry soap and detergent faster, so you don’t have to use as much detergent.
  • Use your washer’s express cycle.
  • Instead of dry-cleaning wool, silk, lined, or other delicate clothes, place them in mesh bags to keep them from rubbing against each other.
  • Air dry your clothes as much as possible. I try to air dry workout pants, jeans, compression stockings, sweaters, and dresses.
  • Use dryer balls to cut down on drying time. Only put your clothes in the dryer for as long as they need to get dry.
  • To get rid of odors and extend the life of your clothes before you wash them, try spritzing them with vodka. It nixes orders and dries odorless and colorless. I hadn’t heard of this tip before!
The Journal – The Billionaire Keeping TikTok on Your Phone
  • TikTok says it doesn’t share user data with China.
  • TikTok has 150 million users in the United States.
  • TikTok is owned by Byte Dance. Byte Dance is not owned or controlled by the Chinese government. It’s a private company, and 60% of the company is owned by global institutional investors.
  • Back in 2012, before TikTok was even created, Byte Dance got money from a U.S. investment firm founded by a man named Jeff Yaz. Jeff is one of the richest people in America and runs a financial firm that trades stock options and other securities, and he is a libertarian. He is also one of the biggest political donors in the country.
  • Jeff’s firm, Susquehanna, owns 15% of Tik Tok’s parent company. Based on a recent valuation, that could be a stake worth more than $40 billion.
  • TikTok launched in 2016 and is China’s most successful tech export. In 2019, some senators raised concerns about TikTok’s Chinese ownership. TikTok has always rejected the accusation that it shares American user data with the Chinese.
  • In 2020, President Trump tried to ban downloads of TikTok. Two judges said President Trump overstepped his authority. President Biden came in and was concerned about TikTok’s national security risk.
  • In 2022, Congress passed a bill that prohibits the downloading of TikTok on most federal government devices.
  • There has been a bipartisan effort to ban TikTok in the U.S.
  • None of the bills banning TikTok passed. Senator Rand Paul spoke out in favor of TikTok due to the Bill of Rights/freedom of speech. One of Rand Paul’s largest donors is Jeff Yaz, the investor in TikTok. He and his wife have given Senator Rand Paul $24 million over the past decade, either directly to him as a candidate or to committees that support Rand Paul. Yaz and his wife have supported other Republicans who have recently come to TikTok’s defense. All of the Republicans who have come out publicly in favor of TikTok/not wanting to ban TikTok have received political backing from Jeff Yaz.
  • The Republicans who have been asked about the connection between the money they got from Yaz and their rejection of a ban on TikTok said that this is entirely consistent with their libertarian beliefs in protecting free speech. If you ban TikTok, that would be harming free speech.

I enjoyed reading this article about the situation and the right to free speech:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/08/tiktok-ban-seed-genuine-security-concern-wrapped-thick-layer-censorship

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – Friday Fix: 7 Things Therapists Wish You Knew About Therapy
  • Going to therapy doesn’t mean you’re weak. There is still a stigma associated with going to therapy, but seeking other medical treatments does not result in stigma. End the stigma. You don’t need to have a serious mental health problem to go to therapy.
  • Therapy doesn’t have to last a long time. Most therapists don’t see people every week forever. Some therapists handle solution-focused therapy: how to solve a problem or cope with it. Some people attend therapy as needed: weekly or monthly or whenever they think they need it.
  • There are different types of therapy. Some therapists use EMDR (addresses past trauma), narrative therapy (changing the story you tell yourself), etc. Before you start therapy, ask the therapist what kinds of therapy they use.
  • Your comfort level with your therapist matters more than the type of therapy the therapist uses. You need to have a positive, trusting relationship with your therapist. You may be more comfortable with online therapy (video chat).
  • You can talk about whatever you want with your therapist. Your therapist won’t judge you.
  • You don’t need to have a mental illness to see a therapist. You might see a therapist because you’re stressed out, you’re having a relationship issue, or you just want to better understand yourself. You don’t need to be referred by your physician.
  • You are in control of your treatment. People often put off going to therapy because they don’t want to address tough topics. You are welcome to say you don’t want to talk about certain things. You don’t need to take medication, try a different kind of therapy, or do anything you don’t want to do. If your treatment isn’t working, you can talk to your therapist, switch therapists, or leave therapy whenever you want. If you are concerned about the cost, ask about free, lower-cost, or sliding scale services.
Fooling ourselves

I LOVED this post from Seth’s Blog this past week.

“Fooling ourselves

It’s tempting to believe that we’re not easy to fool.

Not by a magician, a politician or a banker. Other folks might be easily duped by a spammer or a hustler, but not us.

And yet, no one fools you more than you.

When you look in the mirror, do you see what others see, or is it possible you see someone far less (or far more) attractive than others do?

Do we assume that our work is so good and so useful that anyone who doesn’t see that is confused or misguided?

Perhaps we feel like an impostor, a fraud or an unseen genius…

These are all forms of self-deception.

A useful way forward might be to ask, “is it working?”

If the marketplace of ideas, of commerce or of relationships sees something of value, perhaps they’re right. And if they don’t, perhaps we might develop the empathy to understand what’s missing in our narrative about what we do or how we do it.

Marketing to others begins with marketing to ourselves.

If it turns out that our self-deception is a reliable source of fuel for us to achieve our goals, it might be worth living with. But at some point, our ability to fool ourselves becomes toxic. It blocks our ability to create generous and useful work, and it eats away at our confidence and peace of mind.

It’s not easy to see ourselves as others do. But perhaps they’re onto something.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!