My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

The Mel Robbins Podcast – The Best Advice I Ever Heard

When it comes to getting things done, momentum is more important than motivation. The problem with motivation is that you won’t always feel motivated. Use 5% momentum to do 5% of the task instead of waiting until you have 100% momentum to do everything. Once you get started, you may be motivated to finish it.
Give yourself self-compassion. Shame is arresting; self-compassion is motivating. First address how you are speaking to yourself. Don’t get overwhelmed and down on yourself for all of the tasks you still need to do. Allow yourself to process your emotions and remember you are allowed to be human. You aren’t perfect. Shame causes paralysis; you won’t get the tasks done.
Get rid of the things that are too small that you’ll never fit into again but that you keep telling yourself “one day.” Your body is not meant to fit into clothes. Clothes are meant to fit your body.

People get pets and they are behavior-prone, yappy, flea-infested, etc. and we still decide to care for them and believe they are worthy. Yet, we don’t show that care to ourselves.
Think of rest as a right, not a reward. We often get the message that rest and recreation are a reward for productivity. You don’t need to get your entire to-do list done before you give yourself time to relax.
People who rest in shame work in shame. If you sit down, you shouldn’t be thinking about all of the things you should be doing. This causes overwhelm and burnout.

Paper plates – “You can’t save the rainforest if you’re depressed.” It’s better to take shortcuts now to get you back to being a functional human being where you can actually have the energy and capacity to contribute to causes in a way that matters.
Everyone deserves to clock out of home labor and out-of-house labor.
Let go of perfectionism.

Photo From how to keep house while drowning, by KC Davis.

When expectations aren’t met with household chores, do you go right to accusations or do you give your partner grace?

Life Kit – The new rules of laundry

Wash your clothes in warm water. This activates laundry soap and detergent faster, so you don’t have to use as much detergent.
Use your washer’s express cycle.
Instead of dry-cleaning wool, silk, lined, or other delicate clothes, place them in mesh bags to keep them from rubbing against each other.
Air dry your clothes as much as possible. I try to air dry workout pants, jeans, compression stockings, sweaters, and dresses.
Use dryer balls to cut down on drying time. Only put your clothes in the dryer for as long as they need to get dry.
To get rid of odors and extend the life of your clothes before you wash them, try spritzing them with vodka. It nixes orders and dries odorless and colorless. I hadn’t heard of this tip before!

The Journal – The Billionaire Keeping TikTok on Your Phone

TikTok says it doesn’t share user data with China.
TikTok has 150 million users in the United States.
TikTok is owned by Byte Dance. Byte Dance is not owned or controlled by the Chinese government. It’s a private company, and 60% of the company is owned by global institutional investors.
Back in 2012, before TikTok was even created, Byte Dance got money from a U.S. investment firm founded by a man named Jeff Yaz. Jeff is one of the richest people in America and runs a financial firm that trades stock options and other securities, and he is a libertarian. He is also one of the biggest political donors in the country.
Jeff’s firm, Susquehanna, owns 15% of Tik Tok’s parent company. Based on a recent valuation, that could be a stake worth more than $40 billion.

TikTok launched in 2016 and is China’s most successful tech export. In 2019, some senators raised concerns about TikTok’s Chinese ownership. TikTok has always rejected the accusation that it shares American user data with the Chinese.
In 2020, President Trump tried to ban downloads of TikTok. Two judges said President Trump overstepped his authority. President Biden came in and was concerned about TikTok’s national security risk.
In 2022, Congress passed a bill that prohibits the downloading of TikTok on most federal government devices.

There has been a bipartisan effort to ban TikTok in the U.S.
None of the bills banning TikTok passed. Senator Rand Paul spoke out in favor of TikTok due to the Bill of Rights/freedom of speech. One of Rand Paul’s largest donors is Jeff Yaz, the investor in TikTok. He and his wife have given Senator Rand Paul $24 million over the past decade, either directly to him as a candidate or to committees that support Rand Paul. Yaz and his wife have supported other Republicans who have recently come to TikTok’s defense. All of the Republicans who have come out publicly in favor of TikTok/not wanting to ban TikTok have received political backing from Jeff Yaz.
The Republicans who have been asked about the connection between the money they got from Yaz and their rejection of a ban on TikTok said that this is entirely consistent with their libertarian beliefs in protecting free speech. If you ban TikTok, that would be harming free speech.

I enjoyed reading this article about the situation and the right to free speech:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/08/tiktok-ban-seed-genuine-security-concern-wrapped-thick-layer-censorship

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – Friday Fix: 7 Things Therapists Wish You Knew About Therapy

Going to therapy doesn’t mean you’re weak. There is still a stigma associated with going to therapy, but seeking other medical treatments does not result in stigma. End the stigma. You don’t need to have a serious mental health problem to go to therapy.
Therapy doesn’t have to last a long time. Most therapists don’t see people every week forever. Some therapists handle solution-focused therapy: how to solve a problem or cope with it. Some people attend therapy as needed: weekly or monthly or whenever they think they need it.
There are different types of therapy. Some therapists use EMDR (addresses past trauma), narrative therapy (changing the story you tell yourself), etc. Before you start therapy, ask the therapist what kinds of therapy they use.

Your comfort level with your therapist matters more than the type of therapy the therapist uses. You need to have a positive, trusting relationship with your therapist. You may be more comfortable with online therapy (video chat).
You can talk about whatever you want with your therapist. Your therapist won’t judge you.
You don’t need to have a mental illness to see a therapist. You might see a therapist because you’re stressed out, you’re having a relationship issue, or you just want to better understand yourself. You don’t need to be referred by your physician.
You are in control of your treatment. People often put off going to therapy because they don’t want to address tough topics. You are welcome to say you don’t want to talk about certain things. You don’t need to take medication, try a different kind of therapy, or do anything you don’t want to do. If your treatment isn’t working, you can talk to your therapist, switch therapists, or leave therapy whenever you want. If you are concerned about the cost, ask about free, lower-cost, or sliding scale services.

Fooling ourselves

I LOVED this post from Seth’s Blog this past week.

“Fooling ourselves

It’s tempting to believe that we’re not easy to fool.

Not by a magician, a politician or a banker. Other folks might be easily duped by a spammer or a hustler, but not us.

And yet, no one fools you more than you.

When you look in the mirror, do you see what others see, or is it possible you see someone far less (or far more) attractive than others do?

Do we assume that our work is so good and so useful that anyone who doesn’t see that is confused or misguided?

Perhaps we feel like an impostor, a fraud or an unseen genius…

These are all forms of self-deception.

A useful way forward might be to ask, “is it working?”

If the marketplace of ideas, of commerce or of relationships sees something of value, perhaps they’re right. And if they don’t, perhaps we might develop the empathy to understand what’s missing in our narrative about what we do or how we do it.

Marketing to others begins with marketing to ourselves.

If it turns out that our self-deception is a reliable source of fuel for us to achieve our goals, it might be worth living with. But at some point, our ability to fool ourselves becomes toxic. It blocks our ability to create generous and useful work, and it eats away at our confidence and peace of mind.

It’s not easy to see ourselves as others do. But perhaps they’re onto something.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – September 28, 2023

September 28, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

On Purpose with Jay Shetty – My Birthday Episode: 12 Lessons I’ve Learned in the Last 12 Months & Ways You Can Apply Them Into Your Life

Be really conscious about who you keep and let go from your life. Just because you have history doesn’t mean you have to force a future. We often feel we have to stay connected to people because we were once connected to them.
Take care of your body and mind like your life depends on it – because it does. Helping yourself is a part of helping others. Start with your sleep. If you are sleeping well, you will have the energy to work out and take care of the rest of your health. Jay Shetty prioritizes MEDS for his health: meditation, exercise, diet, and sleep.
It’s okay to ask for help or a hug. You help others, so it’s important to recognize when you need help and ask for help.

Don’t buy into your own hype. Stay connected to where you started and remain a humble student of life.
People will always try to tear you down no matter how good your intentions are. Consider what you can learn from criticisms. Ask those who truly know you for their feedback.
Different levels come with different problems. No amount of money or fame will solve all of your problems. When you’re struggling, find a book or podcast about that problem and learn about how to resolve it. Immerse yourself in learning to overcome that problem.
As you get older, don’t forget to do things for your younger self. Allow yourself to delve into the things you didn’t have time for when you were younger. Honor your younger interests. Don’t deny your younger self of an experience just because your older self thinks it’s insignificant.

Give yourself permission to be all of you. The more we try to extract parts of ourselves in the hopes of becoming perfect, the more we lose a valuable expression of ourselves.
You don’t have to be perfect to help others. You have the ability to do things you haven’t even imagined yet.
You can’t avoid mistakes, but don’t avoid the lesson.
Make new memories instead of living old ones again and again. Don’t try to recreate moments from the past. Be open to new feelings, new emotions, new people, and new places.
Use your gifts and skills in the service of others. It will create opportunities you never thought of, give your life more meaning than ever, and help create memories for a lifetime.

I saw this video this week and it was a great lesson! So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations. If people aren’t showing up how you need them to show up, do not try to force them to change themselves. They’re revealing who they are to you. Just let them. Then you get to choose what you do next.

Life Kit – We’ve heard we need more fiber in our diets

Fiber is a dietary superhero: it lowers cholesterol, helps regulate blood sugar levels, keeps your hunger in check, and it is the primary food for the trillions of microbes that live in our gut.
Diets rich in fiber are linked to a lower risk of major health problems: obesity, type 2 diabetes, cancer, and cardiovascular disease.
Recommendations: 14 grams of fiber per 1,000 calories you eat – women typically around 25 grams of fiber. Men – 38 grams of fiber. Less than 10% of Americans eat the daily amount of fiber.
Try to eat the rainbow. Eat a variety of plant-based foods that are rich in fiber: sweet potatoes, avocados, asparagus, artichokes, brown rice, lentils, beans, etc.
Soluble fibers dissolve in water. They bind with water and turn into a gel-like consistency that slows digestion and can lower glucose levels and blood cholesterol levels. Ex: chia seeds, apples, pears
Insoluble fibers don’t dissolve in water. They add bulk to stool and prevent constipation. Ex: quinoa, rice, kale, walnuts
Tips: switch from white bread to whole-grain bread, drink lots of water, and take note of which foods cause sensitivities. Moving after meals can help reduce digestive discomfort.

The Liz Moody Podcast – How to Eliminate Bloat & Constipation

Your gut microbiome thrives on fiber and diversity of fiber. Diversity of fiber promotes diversity of microbiome species.
Elimination diets tend to narrow the diversity of fiber, which adversely affects the gut microbiome.
If your problem is that you are backed up and full of stool, elimination diets won’t help you. If your bloating is caused by your stomach being slow to empty, an elimination diet is not the intervention.
Elimination diets are only recommended when an adverse food reaction or intolerance is underlying the symptoms.

Some people have a primary intolerance, where a food does not agree with your body at all. Ex: lactose intolerance, fructose intolerance.
Some people have a secondary food intolerance, where you have developed a sensitivity to a food because of something else going on in your body that is treatable. Once it is identified and treated, your tolerance can be restored. Ex: SIBO – excess bacteria can thrive in your small intestine where they don’t belong

SIBO results in a change of your stool consistency (more frequent bowel movements, diarrhea, more constipation). Morning is the best time of the day. SIBO can an result in B12 deficiency. Those with SIBO experience weight changes – usually weight loss.
Most common cause of bloating: bowel is completely full of stool, visible on an x-ray
Options: take some magnesium (osmotic laxative – Miralax), scale back on fiber intake, have pureed fruits/veggies, and pull back on raw roughage. Usually a combination of magnesium and a decrease in fiber intake will do the job. If magnesium works, you probably don’t have a pelvic floor problem. If problems persist, have your pelvic floor function evaluated and undergo physical therapy or biofeedback.

Social media has skewed our perception of what a normal body should look like. Ex: flat bellies vs. bloated bellies
Your abdominal cavity needs to be able to accommodate the stretch of a stomach that is filling with a meal, so it is normal for your stomach to look more distended after you eat. It’s normal for your stomach to be bigger at the end of the day than it was in the morning.
When you blend or puree fiber, its particle size is smaller. The chemical bonds are the same, but the physical particle size is decreasing so it’s less likely to overcrowd your digestive system. Blending fruits and veggies is better than juicing; you still get the fibrous benefits.
At certain stages of your menstrual cycle, you may experience more fluid retention and looser stools. You can take IBgard, peppermint oil, Heather’s tummy tamers, etc. for natural anti-spasmodics.
Pregnancy can lead to the colon becoming displaced in certain areas due to the embryo pushing on it, causing acid reflux and constipation. Miralax and prunes are safe to use during pregnancy.

Figure out what the right amount of fiber for your body is. Every person varies on the amount of fiber and sources of fiber they can tolerate.
Some causes of bloating are not related to your colon or your bowels; it’s your stomach. Maybe you swallowed air that needs to be released, maybe you have acid reflux, maybe you are full of stool and need to defecate, etc. There is not one answer to relieve bloating.
Gas relief: happy baby position, knees to chest, ILU gut massage, gas relief meds
When traveling, pack a bowel regimen (fiber supplement/Miralax/gas relief) and snacks with fiber to guarantee good consistent fiber.

IBS may be the diagnosis if you have chronic, irregular symptoms and pain and tested negative for Crohns and Celiac Disease. IBS is a chronic condition that is treatable but not curable. Most people respond substantially to medications.
Salads, nuts, seeds, and popcorn contain insoluble fiber and can make you more diarrhea-prone.
Cortisol wakes up the bowels in the morning. The amount of serotonin hanging around in the gut will impact your motility (how quickly things move) as well as your sensation (how sensitive you are to pain). Your serotonin levels are connected to anxiety, depression, and where you are right now mentally. A lot of IBS is treated off-label using anti-depressants to manipulate the amount of serotonin in the intestines, which manipulates motility and sensation.
Diaphragmatic breathing also helps with GI issues.
Parasites are extremely rare. Giardia is the most common parasite.
For more information, check out Thebloatedbellywhisperer.com

I loved this blog post from Gabe the Bass Player, a blog I read daily.

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/saying-something

One of the books I’ve finished reading this past week is “The Song of Significance: A New Manifesto for Teams” written by Seth Godin, author of 21 international bestsellers that have changed the way people think about work, and author of seths.blog, one of the most popular marketing blogs in the world (that I also read daily). This book emphasized doing work that matters, creating a difference, being part of something, and doing work we’re proud of. Here are my favorite take-aways from the book:

Actions speak louder than meetings.
Seth Godin

What actually separates thriving organizations from struggling ones are the difficult-to-measure attitudes, processes, and perceptions of the people who do the work. Measurable skills without productive attitudes aren’t worth much.

We need to be clear, specific, and kind in our language. If we can go a step further and agree to give each person on our team the benefit of the doubt – and to ask for clarification when we’re confused – we’re much less likely to cause pain, confusion, or simply a disruption in our journey.

We need to offer people work worth doing. We need to find ways to create significance. What is the change we seek to make? What are you doing that is special? How do your unique skills and passions help this work go better? Does this work matter? Are you making choices that create an impact?

What are meetings for? Reinforcing status roles, clarifying the pecking order, a way to deny responsibility later? The purpose of a meeting is to communicate an idea and the emotions that go with it and to find out what’s missing via engaged conversation. If we can’t do that, let’s not meet. Multitasking, especially during meetings, isn’t productive, respectful, or healthy. Being present in real time is a waste unless we interact. Reaffirming your status and control isn’t worth an hour of my day.
Seth Godin

Many employers focus on hiring people with traditional vocational skills: productive, skilled, and experienced with a resume to prove it. What if employers also focused on real skills such as self-control, wisdom, perception, influence, charisma, drive, goal-setting, empathy, consistency, patience, and deep listening? When happens to your organization when someone like that joins your team?

Significance isn’t what we get…it’s what we do for others.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – August 31, 2023

August 31, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Living Daily – Self-Care Habits for Your Daily Routine

Create a supportive morning routine. Establish a morning routine that prepares you for the day ahead. Wake up earlier if this is the only way you can carve out extra time for you.
Choose healthier food and drink options. Watch your intake of sugar, salt, caffeine, and alcohol so that you feel better.
Move your body regularly. Move your body, change your mind!
Listen to yourself. Check in with how you’re feeling and recognize when you need to slow down, do less, avoid social media, take a nap, share a laugh, or rest.
Do something that makes you happy. Do something for yourself every day.
Create a calming evening and bedtime routine that helps you wind down from the day and prepare your body and mind for sleep.

Optimal Living Daily – Where Do I Start Decluttering?

Pick up regularly.
Do dishes after each meal.
Stop recreational shopping. We can’t possibly simplify our home if we’re continually shopping and bringing more things into it.
Declutter the excess. Start in the kitchen. Save the sentimental items for last. Declutter the non-essentials in all the main living areas of your home first. It will make every aspect of everyday living more efficient, leaving you a good chunk of spare time.
Questions to ask as you declutter: Do I love it? Do I use it? Does it help me live the life I want to live? Too often we base our decisions on who we were in the past, who we hope to be in the future, or who we think we’re supposed to be. Are the things in your home helping you live your current life?

In the past week, I read a book about decluttering. “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” was written by Swedish author Margareta Magnusson. This was a quick, easy read. Here are the main points:

Death cleaning is the concept of removing unnecessary things and making your home nice and orderly when you think your death is coming closer, though this can be done at any age or life stage. It consists of thinking more about how to make your life simpler and smaller by getting rid of things you don’t need or want anymore.

Consider this: “what are you going to do with all your things when you do not have the strength for or the interest in taking care of them anymore?” Many adult children worry about the amount of possessions their parents have amassed over the years. Do not leave the burden to your loved ones to take care of what you didn’t bother to take care of yourself. You have a duty to sort out your life.

All things should have a place of their own. While you ponder where something belongs, you may find that you don’t need it at all. You don’t need to keep things you don’t want or don’t use. Think about getting rid of things to let others enjoy them and take care of them.

This past week I also finished reading “Home Maintenance for Dummies” by James Carey and Morris Carey. This book provided basic repair tips, benefits of caulking, monthly/seasonal/annual maintenance checklists, and cleaning tips for various types of floors, bathtubs, siding, and more. I obtained a basic understanding of maintenance and minor repairs relevant to our home. Here are some take-aways:

Home improvement tasks can be categorized into musts, shoulds, and coulds:

Musts: anything that threatens health and safety, violations of fire or building codes, structural weaknesses, and other critical needs.

Examples: install smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors, put fire extinguishers in kitchen and garage, replace all old and faulty electrical wiring, install exterior lighting for safety and security, clean out the dryer duct, have the furnace service and repaired or replaced if needed, get an auto-reversing garage door, and eliminate mold.

Shoulds: anything that cuts utility bills, reduces maintenance costs, or prevents a large repair in the future

Examples: attic insulation, caulk around windows and doors, insulate water heater and hot water pipes, replace old toilets with water-saving toilets, replace old appliances with Energy Star-rated appliances, take steps to protect against termites/pests, repair dripping faucets, switch to double-pane or triple-pane windows, seal driveway/walkway cracks

Coulds: anything related to improving appearance and function

Examples: installing new carpet, vinyl flooring, kitchen remodel, aesthetic bathroom remodel

Caulk is helpful for the trim around windows and doors, the bathtub, and exterior cracks.

Cleaning tips:

Siding/fence/window screens: use a pressure washer.
Bathtub: use automatic dishwashing powder and let sit for an hour. Use a nylon bristle brush to scrub away stains.
Faucet aerator: use an old toothbrush or a toothpick and vinegar.
Drains: pour salt and baking soda into the drain, add 1 cup vinegar, let it foam, and chase with at least 2 quarts of boiling water.
Walls: Use soapy water or Spic and Span.
Vinyl flooring: use a damp mop and 1 tablespoon white vinegar or dish soap and water. Clean scuff marks with an art eraser.
Carpet stains: use vinegar or club soda.
shower doors: use lemon-oil polish and a scouring pad OR a sponge with dishwashing detergent.
Dishwasher and washing machine: use citric acid crystals.
Dryer duct and dryer vent: use a dryer duct cleaning brush and a vacuum cleaner.
Range hood: use dish soap and water.
Exterior air condenser unit: use a hose and fin tool.
Gutters: use a gutter scoop and hose.

This site has several articles covering the basics of the book. You can also serach for monthly, seasonal, and annual home maintenance checklists.

https://www.dummies.com/book/home-auto-hobbies/home-improvement-appliances/general-home-improvement-appliances/home-maintenance-for-dummies-2nd-edition-282279/

DIY Money – Whole Life Insurance

Avoid whole life insurance. It is expensive! Also, your amounts and needs will change as you get older and have paid off the house, don’t have dependents, etc.
Buy term life insurance and invest the rest. Term life insurance is much less expensive.
Find a fiduciary. Fiduciaries don’t get commissions.
People who sell whole life insurance often get 7-9% commissions.
Generally you don’t have a high need for ongoing life insurance plans in retirement. You will likely not have outstanding debts or dependents.
Term amount – should be amount of mortgage and outstanding debts, $100k per kid, and an additional $100k for grieving

Life Kit – Meal prep made easy

For some people, meal prep means making two entrees and eating them all week. For some people, it’s freezing meals. For others, it’s preparing ingredients and mixing and matching them throughout the week. Personally, I have prepared 2-3 entrees to eat all week, but I am eager to try preparing ingredients and mixing and matching them throughout the week to add variety!
Meal prepping allows you to better control your diet.
Pick a day or two to prep ingredients that you can eat throughout the week. Foods that work well for meal prep: bell peppers, green onions, roasted veggies, a grain (quinoa, brown rice, jasmine rice, farro), a protein (chickpea, chicken, seafood, beef). Mix and match your meals throughout the week. Overnight oats (in the fridge) also work great for breakfast.
If you can cook five ingredients twice each week, you can do many different meal combinations. Or you can prepare a couple big meals and freeze the rest.
Use glass storage containers to keep food fresh.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – August 17, 2023

August 17, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast – How to Glow Up Mentally (Mental Health Checklist)

Prioritize your well-being and yourself first.
Exercise daily for your physical and mental health.
Detoxify your social media. If someone makes you feel worse about yourself, unfollow them.
Go to bed earlier. The easiest way to become a morning person is to get to bed earlier.
Aim to eat mainly whole foods and drink more water. Ask whether what you’re consuming is adding to your body or taking away from it. Aim for a diet of 80% whole, healthy foods.
Express gratitude.
Spend more time in nature.
Declutter your space.
Read insightful books.
Spend time alone just thinking and breathing.

Sad to Savage – How I Became The Person I Was Envying

Ask yourself: Who do you want to become? If you want a certain lifestyle, consider whether you want to take the steps to get there. Ex: waking up early, having consistent daily habits, priorities, etc. For example, some people want a different body figure, but want the magic of a pill instead of making changes to their food and exercise habits.
When thinking about the person you are envying and the person you want to be, consider: What media does she consume? Who does she spend time with? What does she do when she gets upset? What healthy coping mechanisms does she have? What is the dream morning or night routine? Where does she live? What does she do for work and does she like it? What does she value? What drives her daily actions? What does she do for her mental health and physical health? What does she do for her growth? What do you want to start doing and stop doing? What are some changes that the future you is making? Think about the things you are doing that are stopping you from living your dream life.

Life Kit – Start a financial self-care routine

Your financial goals should get you closer to whatever it is that you want. Then you should create goals to get there: pay off student loans, max out retirement investments, or save up for a down payment on a house.

Make sure you’re getting a competitive interest rate on the money you keep in the bank. Many large banks pay much less than 1%. It is not uncommon to be getting an interest rate of 0.01%! Some banks are offering between 4-5% interest (CIT bank is one option). Make sure your money is FDIC or NCUA insured.

Annually:
Take the time to consider your health insurance plan options, get quotes for other insurance plans (home & auto), check on your retirement plan contributions, and make sure your beneficiaries are up to date. See if there are any benefits you are missing at work, such as a gym reimbursement, 401k match, etc. Check on your subscriptions and consider whether you still need each of them.
Check on your investment accounts. Look at the rate of return you are getting. Ideally, you will earn at least 10% average over 10 years. Compare your portfolio’s rate of return to the S&P 500 to get a sense of how the market is doing in general. If your investments are doing about the same as the S&P 500, you’re probably in a good position. If your investments are not performing as well as the S&P 500, you will want to rebalance your portfolio. Look into what percentage of fees you are paying (expense ratios). Go for funds with lower expense ratios when you can.
Get a credit report and make sure that it’s accurate. You can get a free report annually at annualcreditreport.com.
List your debts and figure out if you need to make any changes. Should you consolidate your loans, refinance, or increase your payments?
Check on your tax withholding during the year. You may want to change your withholding to avoid getting stuck with a large tax bill.

Monthly:

Pay your bills on time and set bills to auto-pay when possible. Keep a buffer in your checking account to avoid overdraft fees (10%-25% of your monthly expenses). Any amount more than that should go into savings to earn interest!
Review your accounts monthly for fraud charges.
Also check on your income and career goals (networking, taking classes or reading more to gain knowledge in your field, updating resume/LinkedIn, applying to jobs).
Reflect on how you’re taking care of yourself: mind, body, and spirit. It’s much harder to work on your finances when you’re exhausted.
Set aside money to do things that bring you joy. Say no to things that don’t bring you joy.

Daily: Make a daily habit of reflecting on your purchases. Are your choices lining up with what matters to you? Are they leading to the life you want?

Some of my financial habits:

I have nearly all of my bills set on auto-pay. For those that aren’t on auto-pay, I mark my calendar with the dates I should pay them.
I have a percentage of my salary go directly into a retirement account.
I keep a financial screenshot of my checking, savings, and retirement account balances and check them twice each month to see if I am on track toward my goals. When I check these balances, I also review my accounts for fraud and maintain an Excel spreadsheet of all of my expenses and income, along with the net for each month. I categorize expenses (recurring, varied, impulse) and note dates, amounts, account or card balances, and my net so far for the month, and I evaluate how much money I spent in each category each month and whether I need to cut back on certain categories.
I read reviews on products before I purchase them. Most of the time, I no longer want to buy the products after reading reviews. I also take time to consider larger purchases to see if I really need the item. Many times, I decide that I don’t need the item.
I prioritized paying off my debts, aside from the hefty mortgage, and am committed to being debt-free aside from the mortgage. This leaves little room for impulse purchases and leaves more room for contentment and appreciation for what I have worked hard to have.

Frugal Friends Podcast – How Much Should You Tip?

**Of note, the information in this podcast was collected from etiquette articles and interviews with professionals. These opinions are not necessarily those of the podcast hosts or my personal opinions.**

Non-negotiable:

Restaurants (20%). If your service was poor, you can do less.
Bars: if only a bar/drinks, flat rates are acceptable. $1 per beer, $2 per cocktail
Taxi or rideshare: 15-20% for taxi ride, $2 per ride for Uber or Lyft (from a former Uber driver and director of outreach at Ridester)
Hotel: $2-3/day for housekeeping
Hair & nail salons: 15-20%
Babysitter or nanny: round up (example: $50 instead of $45). Nanny- end of year bonus equivalent to 1-2 weeks of pay
Coat check: $1 per coat/$2 for a large bag

Gray areas/not mandatory (according to etiquette experts):
Food delivery (a tip should be required- podcast suggests $3-5 per delivery)
Coffee shops (etiquette articles they used suggest rounding up to the nearest dollar or 20% for difficult orders)
Self-serve (like frozen yogurt places)

Don’t need to tip: doctors, lawyers, teachers, plumbers, therapists, cable technicians, counter service (these people are earning a wage)

I recently came across a set 15% tip option for donating to a GoFundMe fundraiser! I thought that was very bizarre given the fact that GoFundMe takes a portion of proceeds, and the tip option had to be manually set to 0 to not tip.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – August 3, 2023

August 3, 2023August 15, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. I went on a vacation and took time away from blogging last week, so here are some of the things I’ve learned in the past two weeks:

The Productive Woman – 9 Reasons to Declutter

Declutter is not just the stuff on your floor. It’s anything that stands between you and the life you want to be living. Simplify your life by simplifying your space and your schedule.

By decluttering, you will save time for what matters most to you. The less stuff you own, the less time you have to spend caring for it, cleaning it, and moving it to clean around and under it. The less things you are doing that don’t add value to your life, the more time you have for what really matters to you. Decluttering is a time saver across the board.
Decluttering can foster peace of mind, even in a very busy life. The visual distraction of clutter increases cognitive overload and can reduce our working memory. Clutter can make us feel stressed, anxious, and depressed. Reducing the amount of clothing we have will reduce decision fatigue. The less stuff we have, the less time we have to spend making decisions about what to use, what to do with it, and where to store it.

Decluttering will help us have greater enjoyment of the things we keep. A cluttered home negatively impacts how we feel about our homes and our lives. We enjoy life more when we are less surrounded by clutter.
Decluttering will contribute to having a safer space. Cluttered homes can be unsafe.
A decluttered space will contribute to more efficient and productive work. Less distraction=improved focus. Ex: a spa is minimalist and that contributes to the peaceful, calm feeling. People with cluttered homes and offices tend to procrastinate more.
Decluttering reduces stress. When we are surrounded by clutter, our stress hormones are elevated. Clutter leads to anxiety, embarrassment, family stresses, and more.

Decluttering is better for the environment. Less stuff being purchased, kept, and stored is better for conserving planetary resources. By donating the items you purge, you can make them available to others who will use them.
Decluttering can contribute to better relationships. It can also result in fewer arguments.
Decluttering can save you money. If you aren’t accumulating more stuff, you aren’t spending as much money. If you are able to sell items you are purging, that is more money in your pocket. Also, if you don’t have as much stuff, you can live in a smaller space and also avoid paying for storage units. People are paying to store stuff in storage units that they aren’t using because they aren’t at home. Many people are also unable to park in their garages because their garages are filled with stuff!

Sad to Savage – In My Running Era & Habits For The Last Half of 2023

Sad to Savage is a great podcast about daily habits, and I started my daily habits journey in 2022 before I discovered this podcast. We have some of the same daily habits and I am regularly evaluating my habits and considering adding new habits. Here are some ideas presented in this podcast:

Start building the habit of waking up earlier to go on a daily walk.
Work on a morning and nighttime routine.
Start listening to podcasts and habit stack.
Get 7-8 hours of sleep every night.
Get in bed by a set time each day.
Clean your house weekly.
Spend 30 minutes outside each day.
Read every day.
Listen to a podcast every day.
Schedule a weekly date night.
Call a friend every day.
Drink tea every night.
Write affirmations every day.
Have at least one healthy meal each day.
Cook at home a certain number of nights each week.
Learn how to read food labels.
Choose when you are allowed to drink alcohol (ex: only on weekends).
Meal plan and prep.
Make your coffee at home.
Limit your coffee intake each day.
Eat breakfast each morning.
Take your medications or vitamins every day.
Move your body 30 minutes each day.
Use the stairs instead of the elevator.
Try a new workout class once each month.
Stretch daily.
Journal every day.
Write one thing you’re grateful for every day.
Meditate.
Clean one space each day.
Have a productive break each day to clean or organize an area of your house.
Do dishes before bed each day.
Plan out your day. Write a to-do list for the next day each evening.
Make your bed daily.
Save/invest money each month.
Limit your screentime each day.
Lay out your clothes for the next day.

I use my Silk & Sonder journal to track my habits and you can get a free digital habit tracker here. It looks like the photo below.

https://www.silkandsonder.com/blogs/news/free-silk-and-sonder-printable

Here are my daily habits for August (many of which I have been doing for several months):

Take my temperature at 5 a.m. every day (for future fertility tracking).
Drink one bottle of water in the morning before work. This is because I generally don’t drink as much water at work and want to start my day hydrated!
Listen to a podcast each day.
Play brain cognition games on Lumosity & Elevate apps each day.
Read 30+ minutes each day.
Do a 10-minute ab workout each day (rest days allowed).
30+ minutes of walking/running/lifting weights each day (rest days allowed).
Write an affirmation, complete a journal prompt, and write in my One Line A Day journal each day.
Do dishes before bed each day.
Catch up with/message 5 people each day. Work on networking. This is a result of the free Jordan Harbinger networking course I am taking!

Life Kit – Let’s have some cheap fun

Public parks and beaches – picnic, swim, fly a kite, hike, music in the park
Penny date – explore things without an objective. Take a penny and pick a direction for heads and tails. Flip the coin, see the direction it takes you, and go.
Attend a parade
Get a coloring book and crayons/pencils or a paint by number set
Open mic nights
Museums (sometimes can get free passes with a library card)
Recreate a family recipe
Taste test chocolates, ice cream, chips, etc.
Themed hangouts- pick a theme and invite people over. Ex: romcom movie marathon, French movies and French onion soup, etc.
Go to an open house, even if you aren’t looking for a home.
Go to the mall or a vintage store with a friend and try on silly outfits.
Write your future self a letter and give it to a friend for safekeeping.
Host a book club

We recently returned from a trip to Colorado. Here are some of the FREE things we did:

Drove through Rocky Mountain Arsenal Wildlife Refuge
Viewed the Boettger Mansion
hiked the hilly Lookout Mountain Trail
viewed and hiked at the Mother Cabrini Shrine
viewed and hiked at the Red Rocks Park & Amphitheater
Walked the 16th Street Mall in Denver
Toured the Denver Mint
Attended mass at the beautiful Cathedral Basilica
Walked around City Park in Denver

There are so many FREE options that you may not think about! You don’t always need to spend money to have fun.

The Jordan Harbinger Show – Fast Fashion- Skeptical Sunday

The fashion industry is a $2.4 trillion industry! The features that drive this industry are cheap manufacturing prices, making clothes that follow current trends in the quickest ways possible, and using low-grade disposable materials meant for just a few wears so consumers keep coming back to the stores for more. People are literally buying clothes intended to be thrown away. The fibers, yarns, and fabrics are inferior quality. Clothes are designed for the trends for the season, but fashion seasons are moving faster and faster every year.

As the number of choices offered to the consumer increase, the number of times a piece of clothing is worn before it is subject to the trash decreases. This is shocking because I regularly wear clothes I bought almost a decade ago. I haven’t purchased items that get thrown away unless they are really stained.
The fashion industry has trained consumers to want to be hip, stylish, and up to the latest trends, so they come to their stores more. Consumers come running whenever they ring the bell. Fashion collections used to come out 4 times per year, but now some companies pump out 12-24 collections per year. Zara reportedly comes out with 24 fashion collections each year! A person trying to stay fashionable is buying and getting rid of incredible amounts of clothes.

In the 1970s, the average household invested 10% of its income (about $4k) on 25 pieces of clothing each year. Today, the average household spends 3.5% of its income (about $1,700) on 70 pieces of clothing each year! Clothing has gotten much cheaper but is not as durable.

85% of clothes being pumped out of the factories and into the stores ends up in a landfill! We discard 92 million tons of clothes-related waste each year!
Transparency is lacking in the production and disposal of our clothes. Clothes that go to poor countries are hurting. Most donated clothes go to Africa. Africans are stuck with the waste and are deterred from ever starting a textile industry of their own. Plus, a seamstress or tailor cannot make a living because no one can compete with the cost of the West’s hand-me-downs.
Most of the donations that make it to poor communities eventually end up in a landfill. Each piece of clothing in a dump is money in a corporation’s pocket.
Consider donation places that only serve your community or sell unwanted donations to textile or recycling plants (not Goodwill or Red Cross- these get shipped around the world). The fashion industry emits more carbon than the shipping and international aviation industries combined!

Returns of items bought online exceed the amount of all purchased goods. The system is set up to run on waste.
There are a few classic looks that last through decades: jeans and a t-shirt, a good suit, a nice black dress. The irony is that trendy clothes are the ones we look back on and frankly can’t believe we ever wore in public.
The fashion industry is the second-largest consumer of water worldwide. It takes 700 gallons of water to produce 1 cotton shirt and 2,000 gallons of water to produce one pair of jeans. That’s enough water for someone to drink 8 cups a day for 10 years! Jeans are made from cotton, which is a very water-intensive plant.
A lot of water is used to dye the clothes. The dying process uses enough water to fill 2 million Olympic-sized swimming pools each year. The dye water travels and ends up contaminating the oceans and lakes.
60% of garments are made from polyester, a plastic that does not break down. When materials don’t break down, they turn into microplastics. 35% of all microplastics in the oceans came from the laundering (washing) of synthetic textiles.

Female garment workers in Asia face poor work conditions with low wages and forced overtime. 80% of fashion factory employees are women. The industry exploits and takes advantage of women working in these factories. 1 in 6 people on Earth work for the textile industry, and only 2% of them earn a living wage!
The cheapest materials are stretch materials (t-shirts, jeans, yoga pants). Stretch materials are made with low-skill labor. The industry loves stretch materials because they can be made cheap and imperfectly. A tailored suit has to be made precisely and fit right. Stretch materials mask imperfections and don’t have to fit right at all. They just have to stretch to fit us.

Fast fashion benefits: affordable prices and instant gratification for consumers.
The entire industry now is driven by influencers. They seem to get a pass, but it’s problematic. They portray themselves as so progressive on social, economic, and ecological issues, while they sell us the very problems that they claim to hate.
The supply chain is invisible. The “made in” label on clothing is unique to the U.S. and the country that sewed the main seam is the country listed on the label. There are proposals to get rid of the made in labels. Our clothes touch a lot of borders, and that’s how the supply chain works. Ultimately, we are failing to create an industry that looks after its employees and their surroundings. Fast fashion is all about the ways to make bigger profits all the time.
Tips: Websites like mygreencloset.com offer options for zero-waste fashion collections. Stop playing the fast-fashion game. Buy quality, well-made clothes that will last for years. Alternatives: clothing rental markets. Upcycling- making clothes out of used materials and textiles. Wear the same signature look every day. If you don’t have to think about what you want to wear every day, wear the same thing every day. This will prevent you from purchasing fast fashion.

Sad to Savage – Your New Daily Affirmations

Here are some ideas for daily affirmations! I am smart. I am kind. I am confident. I am loved and I am loving. I am grateful. I am growing. I am capable. I am a positive role model. I am inspiring. I am beautiful. I am driven. I am choosing a positive perspective. I am strong mentally and physically. I am creative. I am making healthy choices for my physical and my mental health. I am really proud of myself. I love my body. I am kind to my body. I speak kind words to my body. I am becoming the best version of myself. I love and approve of myself. I love the positive perspective that I am actively creating. I can do really hard things. I am not my past. I am creating my own future. I am safe and secure. I am creating a really beautiful life that I am really proud of. I am worthy of love and attention. I consciously release the past by choosing to live in the present. I am worthy of my own love and I am worthy of the kind words that I say about others. I am choosing to respect and to take care of myself. I am patient with myself and I am patient with others. I am the most important person in my life. I choose to let go of the things that I cannot control. I believe in myself. I am growing every single day and I am proud of the big and the little moments of my growth. I am my favorite person. I love you and I am so proud of you.

I read seven books in July. The most recent books were easy reads that did not require much brainpower. “Speaking American: How Y’all, Youse, and You Guys Talk: A visual guide” was written and illustrated by Josh Katz, a graphics editor for the New York Times whose work has focused on finding patterns in data and turning them into stories. This book was a fascinating look at the dialect variation in the United States and included insightful maps of the data.

Examples include tag sales vs. rummage sales vs. garage sales vs. yard sales vs. stoop sales, scratch paper vs. scrap paper, soda vs. pop vs. coke, take-out vs. carry-out, and how people pronounce aunt, syrup, caramel, crayons, quarter, coupon, grocery store, and many other words.

Dialect variation in American English is a reminder of our personal history, our family, and who we are and where we come from. No matter how much media we consume, we inevitably acquire the speech patterns of the people we surround ourselves with.

“Other-wordly: words both strange and lovely from around the world” was written by Yee-Lum Muk and based on the discovery that “every language has names for the odd and wonderful, for the unexpected things that have meaning, for the parts of our lives that are other-wordly.” Here are some of my favorites.

kummerspeck (noun, German): excessive weight gained through eating as a means of relieving stress or strong emotion

fernweh (noun, German): an ache for distant places; the craving for travel

fuubutsushi (noun, Japanese): the things – feelings, scents, images – that evoke memories or anticipation of a particular season

tartle (verb, Scottish): to hesitate while introducing or meeting someone because you gave forgotten their name

deipnosophist (noun, English): someone skilled in small talk or in conversing around the dining table

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – June 29, 2023

June 29, 2023August 15, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Science Vs – Who Killed Affordable Housing?

Who killed affordable housing? Accusations are flying around all over the place of the culprit: greedy landlords, developers, the short-term rental industry, and too many baby boomers active in the housing market causing millennials to not have a chance.

Developers: often described as “rip-off artists, greedy, bulldozers, opportunists” out to make a profit off of housing.
- Many people think developers are responsible for raising the price of neighborhoods.
- Brand new apartments are going to be more expensive than older ones in the same way that new cars are more expensive than older cars. So the new market-rate building on your block is not going to be affordable unless you’re making good money.
- It’s generally not true that the building itself raises the prices of other buildings/rents in the neighborhood. Sometimes your rent will go up, but it isn’t because of the new development; it’s because you’re living in a desirable neighborhood that is seeing prices rise. That’s why the developers chose to put a new building there.
- Developers aren’t the heroes, but they aren’t the villains.

Airbnb: draws a lot of criticism and blame – most Airbnbs are entire homes, not a spare room or couch in someone’s home as the company was originally created to provide. Today, the vast majority (79%) of Airbnb supply are entire homes and apartments, and this has been the fastest growing component over the past 3 years as Airbnb grows further from its sharing economy roots. Studies have shown that Airbnbs are responsible for 20% of the increase in rent of the time period studied.

Zoning: the rules that a city makes about what can be built and where it can be built.
- Many cities require a certain percentage of single-family detached homes. Some cities have laws that require 3 parking spots per studio apartment! This is a sneaky way to make it harder to build more housing/apartment buildings.
- Some zoning codes require minimum lot sizes – for example, in Connecticut, many homes require almost 2 acres of land per house even if not in a rural area! So many houses have doubled in size since the 1950s.
- Los Angeles is 74% single-family zoned. Seattle is 80% single-family zoned. The bottom line is that research shows that places with more red tape from zoning are more expensive.

Supply and demand: Demand for housing has gone up. Back in the 1980s, rules changed about how financial institutions could lend money for mortgages. After that happened, more people had access to loans for mortgages, so people who previously weren’t eligible were now eligible, so now we are in a bidding war. When prices go up, housing becomes more valuable, and that attracts investors.

Frugal Friends Podcast – The Best Money Saving Tips for 2023

Housing, transportation, groceries, taxes, and healthcare expenses make up about 72% of consumer spending.
The biggest tip to saving money is to figure out what you value. You can spend money on the things you value and focus on saving money on what you don’t value. Example: one of my values is finding and trying gluten-free dairy-free items at a discount grocery store. I allow myself to splurge on these discounted items when I occasionally shop.
Work on always aligning your spending with what you value or always trying to increase or decrease your income to be enough for what you value. Can you look at your bank statement and be happy with it?
Don’t feel pressured to spend money on things others value. Example: latest fashion, expensive happy hours/restaurants, latest technology. Say no as often as you say yes so that you can empower yourself to know more about yourself and what you value.
Simplify to streamline. Simplify your physical space to save money on other important physical products. Simplify your schedule for less takeout and services. Simplify your digital life for fewer online purchases and subscriptions.

Life Kit – How to start running in the body you have

Many people struggle with their inner critic: “I’m not a runner.” Name that inner critic and tell it to chill out.
Gear: pick up a new pair of running shoes. Go to a running specialty store and get a gait analysis/shoe fit. Get shorts and t-shirts. Avoid chafing by not wearing cotton socks and by wearing body lube.
Blisters on your feet when you run can signal that you have the wrong shoes or wrong socks. Cotton socks can stick to your feet from the sweat and can create friction that causes blisters. Synthetic fibers (polyester or bamboo fiber are best).

Signs you’re wearing the wrong running shoes:

If you’re going on your first run, start by walking for five minutes to get yourself warmed up and mentally together. You can start by running for 15 seconds and then walking for 1 minutes and slowly build up to longer run times and shorter walk times. Every two weeks, try to increase the intensity.
Your natural form is special to you. Form tips: don’t clench your fists, loosely close your hands, don’t look down, look at the horizon 6-8 feet in front of you, and do belly breathing.

On the days when you are not running, cross-train. Exercise your body in other forms that aren’t specific to running, such as cycling, yoga, or lifting weights. Many of us sit on our butts all day, so we need to strengthen our glutes. Make sure you are doing exercises for your glutes: glute bridges, banded clam shells, squats, leg raises, etc.
If you are having issues with time, start with 2 days of running and 1 day of cross-training each week. Then, build up to 3 days of running and 2 days of cross-training. Get creative with your time. Can you work out while watching tv?
After a while, you will start to notice that running is either not as hard as it used to be when you started, or you will realize that you hate it just as much as you did when you started. If you still hate running after a while, take up something else – cycling, paddle boarding, walking, swimming, etc. Regular exercise is vital.
Running affirmations: No struggle, no progress. I’ll run if I have to run by myself. Your race, your pace. This is hard, but I can do hard things. Slow is steady, and steady is fast.

Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast – 50 Biggest Takeaways from 500 Episodes of Health & Fitness Podcasts

I won’t cover all 50, but here are those that most resonated with me:

By changing nothing, nothing changes.
Read more and learn more. Reading non-fiction books will change your life. You don’t have to agree with everything in each book, but if you find one golden nugget that you can take with you to make you a little bit better, you will become your best self.

Choose your hard. Being overweight is hard, working out is hard, sleeping in is hard, waking up and getting everything else done is hard. Which hard are you going to choose? Choose the hard that will make you feel your best.

Be on a routine that involves progressive overload.
Don’t eat out of boredom. Decide if you’re truly hungry.
You can’t out-exercise a bad diet. You need to focus on both nutrition and fitness.
Work hard and don’t look for shortcuts. A lot of your problems can be solved with

Eat until you’re satisfied, not until you’re stuffed.

A clear space = a clear mind. Declutter.
Stop hitting snooze! Hop out of bed and make the first decision for your day.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Someone is always going to look better than you. Focus on your journey and your growth.
Your self-worth isn’t how you look. Instead of being focused on how you look, focus on longevity, strength, and many other traits.

You could be good today. Instead, you choose tomorrow. Get started right now. Not all of the conditions are going to be perfect during any given day.

Work hard and don’t look for shortcuts. A lot of your problems can be solved with hard work. Shortcuts are rarely the answer.
Discipline trumps motivation. Don’t rely on motivation. Show up every single day.
Purpose over pleasure. Think of long-term goals.
Dropping one vice can give you amazing results.
Small changes and habits + consistency each day = substantial results over time. The power of the compound effect

If you don’t fight for what you want, you deserve what you get. Choose your hard.

If you don’t make time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for your illness.

The Accidental Creative with Todd Henry – 10 Questions for Finding Your Voice

What angers you? Are there specific things that evoke a compassionate anger in you? We’re talking about the things that evoke a desire to intervene in a situation as an act of compassionate or to rectify a great wrong.
What makes you cry? What moves you with emotion? Think about the last several instances that caused you to cry.
What have you mastered? Are there tasks, skills, or opportunities that you have simply mastered and can do without thinking? Start with what you do well, and work your way toward your goal.
What gives you hope? What do you look forward to? What great vision do you have for your future and the future of others?
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? That can give us insight into the deeper seeds of fascination that may still reside within us.
If you had all the time and money in the world, what would you do? We believe that a lack of resources is the obstacle to our happiness and fulfillment, but for many of us the limitation has nothing to do with a lack of money or time. The limitation is our fear of falling short of our own self-perception.
What would blow your mind? List out everything that would thrill you if it were to happen, including relational things, business things, travel, ambitions, hopes, etc. It’s a great way to identify patterns in your motivation.
What platform do you own? What platform do you already have for self-expression? What foundation can you build on to begin affecting the kinds of change you’d like to see?
What change would you like to see in the world? If you could identify a single thing you would like to see before you die, what would it be? You may not be the one to lead this change, but you may be able to play a significant role in it.
If you had one day left, how would you spend it? What questions would you ask? Who would you spend time with? What work would you do? This is a way to begin identifying patterns within your passions, skills, and experiences.

Conscious Fertility – Endometriosis: It’s More Than Period Pain with Shannon Cohn

If you have symptoms that interfere with your life, that cause your day to go differently (limitations to school/work/activities you enjoy doing), that is not normal. If the period pain is so bad that it interferes with your daily life, that should be investigated. GI symptoms are also common with endometriosis. People are generally told they have IBS. If you are experiencing nausea, fatigue, pain, migraines, and a lot of GI issues, talk to your OBGYN and advocate for yourself. Symptoms to look for: digestive issues- constipation, diarrhea, pain with bowel movements, severe bloating, body pain, menstrual pain, pain with intercourse, infertility
The only definitive way to diagnose endometriosis is a surgery (laparoscopy). An excision surgery is the most important treatment option. Exercise, diet, and birth control alone cannot heal endometriosis.
Resource: https://endowhat.com/

https://www.pbs.org/video/below-the-belt-the-last-health-taboo-wmzdvy/

This is a link to a PBS special covering endometriosis.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – June 22, 2023

June 22, 2023August 15, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – The Price of Parenthood: What It Costs to Be a Parent

115,000 children were adopted in the United States in 2019. The number of adoptions dropped in 2020 to just over 95,000.

391,000 children are currently in foster care in the United States waiting for homes.

Paths to parenthood include:

traditional parenthood
surrogacy
foster care to permanent placement/adoption
private adoption through an agency or independent adoption

This podcast primarily focused on adoption. Here are some take-aways:

Adoption through an agency generally costs $40,000 or so, and it is paid in installments (a certain amount to get started, more after the home study is completed, and more after a placement). In addition to the agency costs, you will need to pay legal fees. Attorney fees vary widely from about $4,000-$15,000.
It takes an average of 2-3 years to complete the adoption process.
When waiting for a placement, you should be ready with baby stuff, but you should keep it out of sight. Don’t create a baby room. It will remind you of the waiting.
Be aware and be emotionally prepared for how long the process can take. Many people wait years.

Insurance companies generally do NOT cover adoption expenses. Many people spend over $40,000 to adopt – the price of a new car! Check your employer’s adoption assistance programs and benefits. The government also offers a federal adoptive tax credit. In 2023, the credit was $15,950. This is a tax refund, not a deduction.
When considering finances, also have an understanding of your future expenses, such as added costs of groceries, transportation, childcare, and saving for higher education.
Do your research and make sure you can cover the adoption expenses or have a plan for it. Be sure to include legal fees on top of the agency fees. You will need a lawyer to get the adoption formalized through the state. Evaluate your finances and research additional resources, such as grants, personal loans, and fundraising.

Questions to consider:

Domestic or international adoption? Adopting a newborn is only possible domestically. You will receive a more comprehensive medical history with domestic adoptions. Many adoptive parents who don’t want contact with the birth parents choose to adopt internationally.
Foster system – This is the most affordable path to adoption, but does not always guarantee a permanent placement.
How much do you want to know about the child prior to adoption? Open adoptions grant adoptive parents access to more background information about the child’s family and provide an opportunity to ask questions.
Private agency vs. independent adoption – you can go through an agency and have someone do most of the work for you, or you can try to find your own “match”

This chart is 10 years old, but gives a better picture of the breakdown of costs.

TED Health – The bias behind your undiagnosed chronic pain

Studies have shown that, regardless of insurance and income status, racial and ethnic minorities received worse care. When it comes to pain, research shows that bias extends beyond minorities to include women and even children.

Pain is often dismissed. Many women are told the pain is “all in their heads.” Pain is in everyone’s heads because pain can’t take place without our brain.
Not all pain is related to tissue damage. You can have real pain with no physical injury or source. Pain can’t be measured by a lab test.
Pain is subjective and doctors must begin by identifying its source. When there is no source, it becomes open to interpretation, which becomes open to implicit bias.

Women are more likely than men to be prescribed anti-anxiety medicines than painkillers when complaining of the same pain as men do. Clinicians often suggest psychosocial causes or stress for women when they order lab tests for men with the exact same symptoms.

What can be done? We can begin by identifying our stereotypes and rewrite the stories of the people we meet. Are you treating men and women differently? Are you treating different cultures or races differently?

Physicians, make sure you aren’t writing a story that the patient hasn’t told you yet. It is your duty to replace the undiagnosed bias with empathy.

Finding the right doctor may feel a bit like dating. You may need to swipe through a few to find the right one for you.

The VeryWell Mind Podcast – Friday Fix: The Best Tool for When You Feel Overwhelmed

There are always going to be multiple things vying for your attention, especially in the age of social media and phone notifications. You will always also have your own personal to-do list.

Stop underestimating how long a task is going to take. We consistently underestimate and then get frustrated when we don’t get everything done that we want to get done.

Prioritize what should get done first. Our attention is often drawn to time-sensitive tasks that are less urgent. When you’re busy and overwhelmed, you’re likely to prioritize other tasks that come along with other tight deadlines because you’re already feeling busy. When you feel frenzied, you’d do frenzied things. Introduce rational thinking into the mix with the Eisenhower Matrix. Sort tasks by urgency and importance.

People tend to do the fastest tasks first. People might do urgent things first even though they don’t need to get done. It’s easy to get distracted by the new tasks that come in even though they don’t need to get done.

Life Kit – Ultra-processed foods are everywhere. Here’s how to avoid them

Pick up a packaged food at the supermarket and you’ll start to notice the same things: high levels of salt and fat, added sugars, added colorings, added flavors, hydrolyzed protein isolates, high fructose corn syrup, bulking agents like maltodextrin, etc.
Read the ingredient list! Ignore the health claims and read the ingredient list instead. If it includes ingredients you don’t recognize and wouldn’t have in your kitchen, it’s usually an ultra-processed food.
Overconsumption of ultra-processed foods results in increased risk of type 2 diabetes, obesity, hypertension, dying from cardiovascular disease, dying prematurely from all causes. These foods tend to have a lot of added salt, sugar, and fat.
Ultra-processed foods can result in not eating enough fiber. Many ultra-processed foods have added sugars that aren’t needed.

If you like salty, crunchy snacks, think about nuts (good source of fats, proteins, and fiber). If you love breakfast cereals, look for something with protein and fiber and fewer ingredients. If you like yogurt, look for something with low or no added sugar and add some berries to sweeten it or look for something with added protein.
Cooking more from scratch is a better option to avoid ultra-processed foods. Focus on things you know you should be eating more of, such as fruits and vegetables. For canned vegetables, you can rinse them and let them drain to reduce sodium.
Truefood.tech – this is a neat website where you can look up food brands and see how processed your food is. It will also suggest less processed alternatives.
Aim to fill your diet with fruits, vegetables, lean meats, whole grains, and some dairy (unless you have allergies). 80/20 Rule- 80% of the time, aim to eat clean.

Frugal Friends Podcast – What We’ve Learned From 75+ Real People Budgets

Stay out of the grocery store. Order your groceries online to prevent impulse purchases. If you shop in store, commit to only going once each week. If you forget an ingredient, go without. This will prevent impulse purchases.
Check your calendar before you make a budget.
Track all of your expenses!
Limit time on social media. People use it to highlight what they don’t have and are more likely to make impulse purchases. You’re only seeing the best of the best, not people’s physical, emotional, mental, or relationship stress when it comes to finances.
Remember that different people may have different priorities than you do. Their financial situation might look better, but it may not be better for you. Ex: working long hours, having a family, debt, etc.

The Accidental Creative with Todd Henry – Managing Expectations (For Yourself and Your Team)

Team members may resent one another and be unable to articulate why. In reality, it’s because there are unmet expectations that may have never been spoken. This doesn’t have to be related to work; it can happen in your personal life, too.
Think about a moment in your life when you’ve experienced conflict. How much of the conflict was sourced in expectations that you had of the other person? Were those expectations ever communicated to the other person? The majority of conflict in the workplace is the result of missed expectations. Someone expects something from a team member, customer, or stakeholder, but the expectation was never clearly communicated and agreed to by the other party.
We often hold grudges of which the other party is completely oblivious. These corrode our ability to collaborate.
Have you communicated your expectations in a clear and empathetic way? Don’t carry the pointless burden of the unmet expectations of others. There’s enough on your plate!
On a personal level, you probably have expectations of yourself that you aren’t even aware of. Learn to make agreements with yourself that you can actually keep. Many of us make agreements not based on what we think we should do, but what others think we should do. Identify agreements that you have made with yourself that you may be unaware of.

Many creatives live with perpetual guilt because they feel they aren’t doing enough, they’re failing by some arbitrary metric, or feel like they’re falling behind because they’re letting other people establish what getting ahead looks like. They believe they aren’t disciplined because they’re living by someone else’s metric. Who set that metric? Who decided what success or failure looks like for you?
What do you truly expect yourself to deliver on today? Do you have an accurate assessment of expectations for yourself? Are you living according to someone else’s metrics? Don’t allow others to “ought” and “should” you into feeling guilty about your level of discipline.
Assess, commit, and achieve. Discipline is making a commitment with yourself and keeping it.

Leadership is about risk mitigation. Great leaders understand that the goal is to accomplish what they can while mitigating the potential downside – keeping the team in the game.
Because of the risk involved, many leaders become less than clear about their expectations for the work or for the team. They may speak in vague terms or give opaque direction because they themselves are not certain of the right decision. They want to project themselves into a situation and protect themselves from a mistake, so they lack precision when they communicate. A few team dynamics emerge. Team members wait until you tell them what to do before actually starting their work. Dissonance emerges as each team member interprets what you want, sometimes leading to misalignment and disjointedness among those responsible for executing the work. Dissonance is a gap between the “why” and the “what.” Team members need leaders to be precise about expectations. You need to be clear even when you are uncertain.
Aim to use precise language and precise expectations – be clear about what you want, when you want it, who will do it, why it matters, and what the outcome will be if you are successful. All effective expectations include assignment of responsibility, articulation of a timeline, and accountability for results. If your expectations don’t include all three, you aren’t being precise enough.
Aim for precise objectives. Where are you leading the team? How will you know you’ve arrived? Why will any of it matter in the long run? Team members need to know that you have clear objectives in mind, you are aware of the obstacles you are going to encounter, and you have a plan to overcome them. You must be clear about where you are leading the team in spite of your personal insecurities.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – June 15, 2023

June 15, 2023August 15, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Self Improvement Daily- Breaking Down Productivity

The word productivity is a combination of two words: productive activity. It’s to be active in productive ways. ‘Productive’ is simply having the high ability to produce. To produce what? Society and culture have taught us that we must always be thinking about producing results, revenue, and efficiencies. Can’t we also choose to produce joy, presence, mindfulness, and connection?

You get to decide for yourself what you want to produce. It’s your life, your time, and your attention. Productivity is actually just “doing the things you want to be doing.”

Productivity = Productive activity = Doing things that produce the results you want = Doing the things you want to be doing.

The next time you feel down on yourself for not checking things off of your never-ending to-do list over the weekend, reframe your mind and consider that productivity is doing the things you want to be doing. Resting and hanging out with friends could still be productive; you are taking care of yourself and growing strong relationships with people you care about. If that is what you want to be doing, you were productive!

Small Change – 10 Signs You Might Be Financially Immature

You act aggressively when someone asks you about your money.
You are dismissive of others’ success.
You spend when you are depressed.
You tend to look at the individual spending of your partner rather than simply being concerned with how much is being spent. If the “what” is more important than the amount, you may be financially immature.
You are unable to get excited by saving for a big goal. “We can’t do that. That’s crazy.”
You have avoided looking at a bank statement for months.
You fear tax time.
You gloat at parties about your investments that you haven’t actually made or lie about the investments you have.
You are too conscious about the brands you are wearing.
You use spending as a cure for boredom.

Savvy Psychologist- 6 skills of mindfulness you may be missing

Observe. Pay attention to your environment and your internal experiences without judgment. This entails wordless watching and being fully present in the moment, observing your thoughts and feelings as they come and go, and noticing the world around you without trying to change it. Use your five senses.
Describe. Put your observations into words. Describe your experiences objectively without adding your own interpretations or judgments. Describe your observations from your five senses.
Participate. Be fully present and engaged in the present moment. Let go of distractions and focus on the task at hand, whether that be work, hobbies, or relationships.
Non-judgmental stance. Accept yourself and others without judgment. Let go of the inner monologue and distorted interpretations. Instead, practice self-compassion and understanding. Cultivate an attitude of acceptance and openness. Let go of the evaluative judgments we often make.
One-mindfully. Focus on one moment, task, or thought at a time. Let go of distractions and multi-tasking and focus your attention on the present moment.
Effectiveness. Focus on what works in a given situation rather than what is “right or wrong.” Let go of rigid thinking and embrace a more flexible and adaptive mindset. Focus on the outcomes you want to achieve and explore different ways of achieving them. Do what works, not necessarily what you prefer.

FIRE the Family Podcast – 22 Actionable Ways to Invest in Yourself

Go to college. Don’t go into extreme debt to go to college. Be wise and research what your expected income will be before taking out several loans.
Join the military.
Go to a trade school.
Get a job. There’s no better way than to find out what you like and don’t like doing.
Learn how to cook. It increases your independence and reduces your expenses of eating out.
Learn how to exercise properly. You will feel better about yourself and your health, live longer, and improve your mental health.
Open a brokerage account. VTSAX is a great investment.
Join a local young-professional networking group.
Implement an every-dollar budget.
Ask your parents and grandparents for advice. Pick their brains and learn everything you can.
Find the person you want to spend your life with.
Get out there and fail. You learn from failing.
Run a half marathon. It requires a lot of discipline, preparation, and time.
Identify your mentors.
Develop an inner circle.
Cut out negativity. Set proper boundaries for yourself and your family.
Develop SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-bound).
Explore materialism and minimalism.
Continue to find ways to compete.
Practice not judging others. Then you will learn to stop judging yourself.
Start reading. Reading teaches your brain to exercise.
Start an online business.

Life Kit- Planning a trip? Here’s how to pack like a pro

You never need as much stuff as you think. Eliminate extra baggage before you leave.
Pack and then remove 1/3 of the things you pack.
Reduce the weight with lightweight versions of what you need and with items that serve multiple purposes.
Use packing cubes (lightweight, expandable, zip-up pouches that save space).
Lighten your load of liquid toiletries. There are solid versions of items that don’t weigh as much. Use powders, not pastes. Use dry shampoo instead of the real stuff. Leave liquids at home if you can. Most of the time, you can pick up the things you need while on the road, except the things you can’t find everywhere: sunscreen, bug spray, bug bite relief, hair conditioner, and tampons.
Do a simple scope out of your destination with reliable sources, not sponsored content.
Match your activity plans to the weather forecast. Check a destination’s average monthly weather patterns in advance.
Always have a rain jacket, umbrella, or something to cover your backpack.
When traveling for leisure, one main event each day is enough. Don’t overbook activities. Build complementary activities around it or leave room for discovery and the unexpected.

Self Care IRL- Listen to this if you are an overthinker

Recognize when you are actually overthinking. Identify the thoughts or situations that are triggering it. Shift your mind back to the present.

Journal. Writing down things can help you identify patterns in your thinking. Sometimes you can look back and see that you were overly concerned about something that didn’t end up mattering or turning out the way you worried it would.

Give yourself time to calm down and relax before addressing any situation. Try to immediately do things that help you to relax or bring you joy.

Talk to someone about the situation. Getting another perspective can help you see things more clearly. Talking about your overthinking can help reduce its frequency and intensity.

Learn to focus on the present moment instead of dwelling on the past or the future. This can help you be more aware of your thoughts and feelings.

Practice forgiveness for your past self. When we find ourselves trapped in a cycle of overthinking the past, we are stuck there and that prevents us from moving forward in a healthy way. Remember that you are a human first and you will make mistakes. Perfection does not exist. You deserve forgiveness.

Think positively for your future self. Think about all of the ways that things could go right. Expand on the beautiful possibilities and let those things lift you up. Reframe your mind when you are worried about what could go wrong, and think about what could go right.
Remember that overthinking has never helped us. It hasn’t been serving us the way we think it has.

I am currently reading “Keep Sharp” by Sanjay Gupta, a book about the brain and slowing cognitive decline. Here are some tidbits I have learned so far:

You probably know the five senses: sight (ophthalmoception), smell (olfacoception), taste (gustaoception), touch (tactioception), and hearing (audioception). There are six other senses processed in the brain that give us more data about the outside world:

proprioception: a sense of where your body parts are and what they’re doing
equilibrioception: a sense of balance/your internal GPS. This tells you if you’re sitting, standing, or lying down. It’s located in the inner ear.
nociception: a sense of pain.
themo(re)ception: a sense of temperature
chronoception: a sense of the passage of time
interoception: a sense of your internal needs, like hunger, thirst, and needing to use the bathroom

The 5 pillars of brain health:

Move – exercise; aerobic and nonaerobic
Discover – pick up a new hobby, do something new, or learn something new
Relax – unwind, engage in stress-reducing activities
Nourish – consuming certain foods like cold-water fish, whole grains, extra virgin olive oil, nuts and seeds, fibrous whole fruits and vegetables, while limiting foods high in sugar, saturated fat, and trans-fatty acids can help avoid memory and brain decline, protect the brain against disease, and maximize its performance
Connect – having a diverse social network can improve our brain’s plasticity and help preserve our cognitive abilities

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday – June 1, 2023

June 1, 2023August 15, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

One of the best things I’ve heard this week is from this podcast.

Optimal Relationships Daily- If You Want to Know if Someone is Worth Your Time, Use the Ted Lasso Rule

If you want a quick way to determine if someone is worth your time, are they curious? Do they ask your questions? If not, are they worth even getting to know?

Many people skip the small talk in favor of talking about themselves. They’re the ones missing out because they’re not being curious. Curiosity has been buried by ego.

Optimal Health Daily- Self-Care Ideas for Better Health and Nutrition by Danielle Omar

Thoroughly chew your food to improve digestion, engage the senses, and reduce energy intake.
Assess hunger and fullness to determine when it’s best for you to start and stop eating.
Reduce portion sizes and use smaller dishes to prevent overeating.
Eliminate distractions at mealtimes to better control food intake and focus on how food makes you feel.
Appreciate the food you’re eating without judgment and savor its appearance, smell, taste, and texture.
Eat foods that make you feel good.
Plan and prep your meals.
Satisfy your sweet tooth.

I gathered some dental insights from these two podcasts:

Science Vs – The Dentist: Toss the Floss? Flush the Brush?

Oral hygiene alone did not prevent cavities in studies done. Fluoride was the main component in preventing cavities.
Brushing with fluoridated toothpaste helps prevent cavities. Brushing might also prevent gingivitis and gum disease. Flossing may help with tooth loss as you get older. Sugar is bad for teeth. Some dentists are shysters.

Life Kit- ‘Do I really need to floss?’ and other common questions about dental care

Finding a dentist is more than just picking from a list. Every procedure that a dental hygienist does is proactive in helping to prevent inflammation and reduce inflammation. A dentist is going to restore or be reactive to disease. A dental assistant assists the dentist.
To evaluate if a hygienist is a good fit for you, see how receptive they are to answering your questions. For example, ask about proper brushing techniques. Have the hygienists observe what you do and see what feedback you get. Overall, you want to make sure that the practice is for you, not a random cash grab.
Red flags- offices that do a lot of aggressive advertising, free x-rays, free exams, and free goodies to lure you in. Once you are in the chair, those dentists know you are more likely to say yes to extra procedures.
Get specific about your fears and then you can talk about them with your dental team. A good practitioner is going to be a great educator and help ease those fears. Is it going to hurt? Is it going to cost a lot? Is my face going to feel numb?
Find someone you feel comfortable with who doesn’t shame you.

Saving money:

Dental schools are a great option if you are looking to save money. You get the benefit of getting many different opinions and great advice. If you have the time to do it, visits to a dental school may be less expensive, but will take more time. Appointments can take up to 4 hours instead of 1 hour due to many people checking you out and the training involved.
Can look for sliding scale or mobile dental clinics

Frequency and technique:

Most healthy patients should come in 2x/year. Some patients may only need to come in once a year.
Clean teeth are all about technique. Use a soft, high-quality toothbrush (if manual, switch out every 4-6 weeks), non-nylon floss, tongue scraper, and low abrasive toothpaste.
Teeth whitening- health and aesthetics are not the same thing! White teeth are a status symbol, but not necessarily a marker of health. Teeth aren’t naturally white as snow; there is a slight yellow white hue of your teeth due to dentin, an inner layer of the tooth under enamel. So if a dentist is immediately bringing up whitening procedures without any evaluation of cavities, gum disease, or other issues, be wary.
Charcoal and whitening toothpastes are so abrasive that they can make your teeth super sensitive and potentially wear down your teeth. They are removing stains,but are not actually changing the color of your teeth.

Life Kit- Why the 5-minute walk break is so powerful

People who sit for hours on end develop chronic diseases, including diabetes, heart disease, dementia, and cancer at much higher rates than those who move throughout the day.
Taking a 1-2 minute walk once per hour lowers blood pressure. A 5-minute walk every half hour was able to offset a lot of the harms from sitting. Moving 5 minutes every hour resulted in the blood sugar spike after a meal being reduced by almost 60%. This may not be feasible with most office jobs, as you are losing 10 minutes of productivity each hour.
People are advised to get 150 minutes of moderate intensity physical activity each week (getting your heart rate up). You can break this up into 30 minutes a day 5 days a week, but small chunks of fast walking can count as well.
You will gain energy by moving every half hour or hour.
The whole point is to raise your heart rate—walking, dancing, etc.

Self Care IRL- Habits you have that you need to break TODAY!

Emotional eating– eating snacks and junk when you’re happy, sad, stressed, bored, etc. Be intentional with your eating and drink more water. Sometimes you think you’re hungry but you’re just thirsty.
Sitting for too long at one time– try to schedule a little break at the top of each hour to get up and move, use a sit-stand desk, etc. Boosts metabolism, reduces stress, and can create a more productive day
Hitting the snooze on your alarm clock. Go to sleep earlier than usual if you feel you’re not getting enough sleep each night.
Stop spending hours on social media. Daily social media users spend, on average, 2.5 hours on social media (including TikTok). It’s not always being used to relax or escape; it’s being used to procrastinate. Many people use social media to waste time. Limit your time on social media to 1 hour/day. You can use apps to monitor your social media intake. Instead of resorting to scrolling on social media with every spare moment, try reading, learning something from a podcast, moving around, or tackling something on your to-do list.
Working overtime. You give up family time, me time, and sleep time, and your physical and mental health starts to decline. If you don’t NEED the money, set time boundaries with your work.
These habits are draining our energy and preventing us from reaching our true potential.

I am guilty of most of these! I am focusing on being more intentional with breaking or limiting these habits this month.

Self Improvement Daily- Mistaking Happiness for Pleasure

We are designed to seek immediate gratification. Our unconscious pattern is to do things that make us feel good in the moment, which often conflicts with what makes us feel good later.

Sometimes we overindulge in a meal because we enjoy the taste of delicious food, but we end up feeling sick to our stomach later. Sometimes we scroll on social media when we are bored or procrastinating, and we later regret how we used our time.

You can feel happiness and pleasure in a moment, but pleasure is concerned with the present moment and happiness is concerned with your core values, growth, development, and well-being.

If you can be more discerning between the two, happiness and pleasure, pursue happiness. It will lead to a much more enriching life where you feel good about who you are and how you’re filling your life with genuine joy.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

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Thoughtful Thursday- May 25, 2023

May 25, 2023August 15, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Self Improvement Daily- When You Are Your Own Friend

Let’s say you had a miscommunication, let someone down, and got defensive about it, or you got into a big fight with a family member. In your own head, you may get really critical and get upset that you didn’t have more emotional control. You tell yourself you’re an awful person.

Now look at the example from a different angle. Instead of you being the person involved in the fight that made a few mistakes, you’re a good friend of that person. After they tell you about the event and the circumstances around it, what would you say to them? You likely wouldn’t tell them how awful of a person they are. You would likely be supportive and encouraging. You’d highlight their best qualities and understand that this was an isolated incident.

This isn’t about a lack of taking responsibility for our actions. The point is that we are so quick to find the goodness and humanity in others and the flaws within ourselves. So the next time you catch yourself criticizing or going through self-deprecating thoughts, ask yourself this question – “What would I tell myself if I were my own friend?”

Self Care IRL- The 8 small steps you need to start your self-improvement journey

Do not change everything at once. Start with 1-3 small goals you can easily achieve. Ex: one healthy meal each day, walk 20 minutes every day, etc. You can increase and expand on your habits after a while. Progress is more important than perfection. Perfection does not exist.
Make a plan of action and actually stick to it. Staying focused and motivated requires discipline. Discipline requires planning. Take action every day, even if it’s just a small step.
Habit stacking. Ex: journal while drinking coffee. Listen to a podcast or watch tv while on the treadmill. Read while riding public transportation to work.
Celebrate your wins—both big and small. Every step forward is success. Share your wins with friends to add accountability.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. You are bound to have setbacks along the way. Learn from your mistakes and keep going. Be patient with yourself. Progress takes time. Forgiving yourself is the ultimate flex in life. Practicing self-compassion is vital if you want to improve yourself.
Find your support system. It is crucial if you have goals in sight. Whether you need hands-on support or emotional support, knowing that someone is there to lift you up will be incredibly helpful for encouragement and accountability. The podcast host mentioned getting together with a group of people weekly or monthly on a Wednesday to discuss “Wednesday wins”–“wins” each person has had in the past week or month. Lift each other up and encourage each other.
Set goals for yourself. Document how soon you want to achieve it to determine a plan and how hard you need to work. Don’t feel overly committed to that number. Plans can change. Set weekly or monthly goals to track your progress just to see how far you have come.
Be patient and keep working toward your goals, even when things get tough. You will have setbacks.

TED Talks Daily- What makes a “good college” — and why it matters – Cecilia M. Orphan

We say we want colleges to be more equitable and more accessible. We tend to obsess over a tiny group of colleges most of us could never get into. It’s not because we aren’t smart enough. It’s because there isn’t enough space for all of us. They intentionally cap the number of students that they accept.
Instead of calling them prestigious universities, some people refer to them as “highly rejective colleges” – Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Princeton, MIT, etc. These are all major research institutions.
Regional public universities (RPUs) are the exact opposite of highly rejective colleges. They pride themselves in accepting almost everyone who applies — students are more likely to be first-generation college students, students of color, low-income students, veterans, and adults balancing work and family while going to school. RPU students often don’t have the test scores required to get into a highly rejective college. It’s not that they aren’t capable; it’s because they weren’t given the same advantages as other students. RPUs change more lives than prestigious universities by allowing more students access to education.
People sometimes criticize RPUs and refer to them as “the 13^th grade,” “not real,” or “almost anyone can get in.”

The colleges that already have the largest endowments tend to receive the most charitable donations. Imagine if these donations were spread across the many RPUs in the country.
In the U.S. and throughout the world, far more public funding goes to highly rejective colleges than to regional public universities, causing RPUs to become more expensive, which hurts low-income students and causes student loan debt to skyrocket.
If we really want more low-income students to go to college and equity in higher education, we need to fund regional public universities. Instead of giving to your highly rejective alma mater, consider giving to universities that really need it.
Last year, billionaire philanthropist Mckenzie Scott gave $1.5 billion to 73 different colleges and universities that serve low-income students and students of color.
There is no better way to make a difference in higher education than to give to the colleges that change the lives of their students and communities. This isn’t all about money. We all have the power to change the way we think about and talk about regional public universities or stop people when they frame them in negative ways.

Life Kit- Making friends anywhere you move

Be active and intentional about making connections. Alert your network. Post on your socials and ask for introductions. Tell your coworkers, especially if you have a remote job. Communicate what kind of connection you’re looking for – someone to show you around, another couple with school-age kids, etc. We tend to think that it’s going to be so awkward to reach out to people who we aren’t in touch with anymore. You just have to own it.
Reconnect with old friends. You might end up better friends with them than before. Acknowledge the gap in time and that you haven’t been the best at keeping in touch. Propose specific plans for catching up. Follow up after meeting in person.
Incorporate more routine into your day. Ex: coffee shops. With routine, you are seeing the same faces and it becomes less intimidating to talk to them. You can incorporate any activity, community, or place you love. No matter where you live, you can develop that sense of home. Find a place for yourself that isn’t work and isn’t home: book club, soccer club, etc.
Find online groups, event listings, and meetups. Now is your chance to engage in an activity you’ve been thinking about. Ex: book clubs. You don’t have to know anyone there, but you can connect with others about the same book you’ve read. You meet regularly. Commit to showing up more than once. It changes the way you engage with people who are there. Stop trying to form a relationship with the collective and focus on forming relationships with the singular. It can be less intimidating to focus on individual members first.
When getting to know people, focus on the connection, not the relationship. Being honest about yourself is key to adult relationships. Get comfortable with the things that make you different and the interests that you have. If you are introverted, only say “yes” to the activities that you know will bring you joy. Focus your energy on one-on-one interactions. Making new friends takes effort, especially when you barely know anyone around you.
Take-aways: be open and intentional about making new friends. Tell your network that you’re moving or looking to meet people. Reconnect with old friends and acknowledge the passing of time. Make clear plans to meet. Build your own routines and find places you feel at ease. Go to group gatherings. For recurring groups, commit to going at least three times. Friendships start with one-on-one relationships. Remember that all of this takes time.

When I first moved to my city, I didn’t have any friends in the area aside from former coworkers. I am grateful to have met several girls in an online Facebook group for girls making friends. Through this group, I have joined a book club, hiking groups, and made many quality friends who share similar interests.

Optimal Finance Daily- Understanding the Seven Habits of Wealth by Rob Berger

Hard work– achieving financial security is often the result of consistent diligence.
Modest living– modest living can produce great wealth on a modest income.
Patience– produces thoughtful, long-term decisions that can produce wealth while minimizing risk. Patiently waiting for the right time to buy a stock or company
Perseverance– working through challenges. Perseverance keeps us focused on our goals and enables us to confront all challenges.
Balance– healthy balance of stocks, bonds, or other investments
Self-awareness– brings into focus the motivations behind the daily decisions we make. Allows us to understand what motivates us to spend money, what investments are best for us given our tolerance for risk, and what will produce contentment in our lives.
Learning– enables us to improve our careers, investments, and spending, as well as other areas of our lives

“What we are and what we have is a result of what we repeatedly do.” Wealth then, is not the result of an act, but the result of our habits.

How to Be a Better Human- How to set boundaries and find peace (w/ Nedra Glover Tawwab)

We want kids to be assertive, but we don’t teach them how to be assertive with us.
Pay attention to the things you complain most about. This will tell you where you need to set boundaries.
Many people right now are having boundary issues around being overwhelmed and overcommitting themselves. You can say no to things! People found pleasure during the pandemic by not having to attend social obligations. You don’t need to do those things if you don’t want to. Place value on the relationships that are important.
Trying to do everything on your own/not asking for help- there are times when we don’t have the skillset, time, or mental capacity to do it all. We need to seek help. It can be hard to be vulnerable and ask for help.
Codependency- thinking “if I did this, this person would suffer this consequence because of my lack of support for their issue.” Stop thinking like this!
Set boundaries, find peace!

I posted an extensive blog post about this book recently. Check it out here:

Main Accounts: The Story of MySpace- Welcome to MySpace

Popularity:

MySpace used to be the most popular website in America. It launched in August 2003. The creators, Tom Anderson and Chris Dewolfe, took inspiration from sites like Friendster and Asian Avenue. There were only 100,000 users in October 2003, but, the following year, after picking up dissatisfied Friendster users, the site exploded to 5 million users! MySpace peaked in 2008 with over 100 million users. At the height of its popularity, 250,000 people were signing up for new accounts every day. Most of the users were young – in their teens and twenties. It was at the center of their social lives.
In 2005, MySpace was seeing 16 million visitors per month and was the biggest social network in the world. It was sold to News Corporation, and Intermix negotiated the deal. This was done without the knowledge of the founders of MySpace. Chris and Tom were each paid $30 million. They left the company in 2009, and News Corporation brought in a new CEO and its own people.
When MySpace launched, social media was an unknown quantity. People had no idea how to make money off of social networks or even if they could make money off of it. The consequences of social media had yet to be seen.

Origins:

Tom Anderson had founded the company with Chris Dewolfe. Before MySpace, Tom had worked for Chris as a copywriter and product tester at another startup. Tom was a musician, went to film school, and dabbled in the hacker community as a teenager. MySpace does not have the typical Silicon Valley origin story.
While at Euniverse, Tom and Chris had at their disposal the company’s database of over 30 million e-mail addresses. The e-mails of everyone who signed up with a new MySpace account could be added to the database. MySpace was a subsidiary of its parent company, Intermix.

What set MySpace apart:

MySpace offered opportunities for people to express their creativity and meet people in ways that felt thrilling and scary at the time. People used MySpace in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina to keep in touch with friends and family after they evacuated Louisiana. Soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan used it to connect with people back home. It was a place where millions of people could connect to one another. MySpace was one of many projects at the company EUniverse (an early ecommerce company). EUniverse was one of the few survivors of the dot com crash. EUniverse was later renamed Intermix.
On Friendster, users related to each other as a chain of connections. On MySpace, it didn’t really matter if your friends were strangers or actually friends. You added who you wanted and showed users who mattered to you by selecting users for your Top 8.
Top 8 created competition and encouraged users to curate their friends and spotlight people or bands that reflected on their personalities and personal tastes. From the glittery, sleezy design to the carefree way people communicated on it, MySpace felt like a party on the internet. People talked more casually on MySpace.
MySpace allowed you to tweak the HTML on your profile page so that you could change the color of the background, have a song playing while people looked at your page, etc. People put a lot of thought into it. Customizable pages (scrolling text, text that would blink, colorful texts, embedded music) allowed for self-expression.
MySpace was giving users free software. Previously, if you wanted to set up a website for yourself, you’d have to buy software. The way users were paying MySpace was with all of their data and information. The legacy of MySpace is the pioneering of this business model – of monetizing user data.
Another unique feature is that creator Tom Anderson was automatically everyone’s friend.

Why MySpace did not last:

MySpace was sold as “the perfect media company that generates free content through its users. It generates free traffic by its users inviting their friends, and all you have to do is sell the ads.”
MySpace was on track to be the biggest mass platform for advertising in the world. Facebook is the biggest single mass platform for advertising in the world. The lack of engineering expertise and talent and the lack of focus on abilities to outcompete on the actual quality of the product is what doomed MySpace to fail against Facebook. You have to have great engineering and great talent, and that is what made Facebook win. MySpace lost relevance because it couldn’t scale up to be mainstream like Facebook.
The social network felt chaotic and open in a free-for-all sense much like the city where it was created: Los Angeles. It sometimes felt like a cool nightclub. However massive it was, it was still youth-oriented. With various scenes and clicks, it felt very niche. MySpace was notable and big, but it wasn’t TikTok size.
People who were big on the platform could not scale out and achieve mass fame. The internet culture was not mass culture in the 2000s. They were sort of niche. All of this was happening before there was viral content and before algorithms filtered what users would see. There wasn’t a “for you” page. You had to find it yourself.

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/festival-walking

I loved Gabe The Bass Player’s post on May 16 (all credit to Gabe the Bass Player):

Festival Walking

May 16, 2023

“Summer. The height of the music festival season. The height of…

“Is this band any good? I’m going to decide right now as I walk past the stage for thirty seconds…”

It doesn’t matter if you’re a well established act or a new act. No one gets a pass. You get the time it takes for someone walking past the stage to be compelling enough for them to stay. You gotta be good.

The truth is…you’ve probably got thirty seconds but their question is answered within five. And that interaction is what they’ll carry with them forever and tell their friends about when your name comes up.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Tag: #lifekit

Thoughtful Thursday – October 5, 2023

“Fooling ourselves

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Thoughtful Thursday- May 25, 2023

Festival Walking

“Fooling ourselves

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