My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Before Breakfast – You don’t need more time

You probably don’t need more time in order to do the things you want to do. Instead of looking for more time, change up how you’re spending your time now. You may be surprised at what can fit.
Getting an extra day in the year (leap day) does not, by itself, change much for most people. Time is about choices. If you’d like to spend time differently, figure that out and make it happen. Make the most of your time.

I recently read the book “How to Break Up With Your Phone” by Catherine Price, an award-winning writer and science journalist and learned that, on average, Americans spend more than four hours a day on their phones! If you were to limit phone use to one hour a day, what could you accomplish with the extra three hours? Our actions often show what our values are. We often don’t need more time; we need to examine our priorities.

TED Health – Why you shouldn’t trust boredom

Our boredom and how we snap out of it can tell us a lot about ourselves.
Boredom is a problem in schools. When students are bored in school, they can’t focus, they lose interest, and they misbehave. Students who are chronically bored may drop out. When we’re bored, we drink too much, eat too much, spend too much money, half-listen to people, idle our time with social media and scrolling, etc.
Boredom tends to objectify things. Ex: that’s a boring person, that’s a boring book, etc. What bores one person can be very interesting to another person, so boredom is a curious and perplexing mood state and is not objective.

Boredom itself allows creativity to flow. However, modern society with all its gadgets has gotten really good at distracting us from this boredom.

In the right environment, boredom fuels creative people. Instead of staring at your phone, stare at the blank page. Instead of sitting in front of the TV, sit in front of the canvas.

Avoidance – many of us who are in a boring situation question how to get out of the situation. We don’t sit with our feelings; we often check our phones to avoid boredom.
Resignation – endure boredom.
Boredom is often viewed as a lack of imagination and a loss of agency: “I’m so bored. There’s nothing to do.”

As a teacher, the podcaster usually gathered with other teachers to complain about administrators, students, parents, etc. and got bored with it. It was the same complaint culture every day. Eventually, he found other teachers who, instead of complaining, talked about books they were enjoying, hobbies they loved, or what went well in their teaching. These conversations were restorative.

Takeaways:
- Boredom should not be trusted. We tend to trust boredom and make an implicit judgment about something or someone and it is often wrong. It is arrogant.
- We need to protect our attention. A bored mind is looking to be distracted. If we are in an environment where we are easily distracted, boredom will get the better of us.
- We need to talk about boredom. We all have strategies we employ and we need to talk about them. We can share them and give our attention to the things we love and the people we care about.

DIY Money – Where to Hold Your Emergency Fund

Don’t keep an emergency fund at a bank that doesn’t really give you any interest (most big banks don’t).
Look for a bank that will give you over 4% per year in interest. Many online banks and credit card companies offer high-yield savings accounts with great rates.
Keep 3-6 months of expenses in an emergency fund and a separate $1,000 of “fast cash” in an account that you can get immediately. Ex: for a car repair
Interest rates fluctuate, so you don’t need to keep searching for where you will get the highest yield once you already have found one.

Life Kit – Investing for beginners

You need to be invested in the stock market! Stocks have a much better return than bonds and other investments. It isn’t a good idea to buy individual stocks; it’s almost impossible, even for professionals, to pick individual stocks that outperform the overall market. 80-90% of mutual fund managers fail at this!
Don’t buy individual stocks. Buy the entire stock market using index funds.
Don’t buy a bunch of stocks when performance goes up and sell stocks as soon as performance is down. Losing money feels painful but selling your stock at the bottom locks in those losses. If you don’t sell, you can ride the rollercoaster back up when the market recovers.

Make sure you aren’t paying much in fees! Fees are not charged as a separate line item. For example, 2% seems like a small number to pay in fees, but 2% off of a 5-10% return is a huge chunk. A 2% fee could eat up to 40% of your investment returns, which has a huge impact on how quickly your money accumulates. Many people don’t even know what fees they are paying.
Taken together, you shouldn’t be paying more than 0.15% in annual fees in your mix of index funds and other investments.

Passively managed index funds are the way to go. Ex: S&P 500. Index funds are far better off than actively managed alternatives. Look for lw-cost broad based index funds.
Vanguard is different than all of the other investment firms because it is structured as a nonprofit. Vanguard offers a range of index funds with very low fees. You don’t need to have an actively managed portfolio.
Rebalance your investments at least once a year. Sell what has gone up in value and buy what has gone down in value. Make sure your portfolio is where you want it to be.

Obsessing doesn’t help and is likely to lead to interventions that would be counterproductive. It’s really easy to let our emotions take over and make mistakes.
Don’t pay someone else to pick stocks for you.

Psych2Go – 12 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship

You communicate openly. A great relationship starts with transparency.
You argue. Arguing is sometimes healthy in a relationship; otherwise, you are likely bottling up your feelings and letting them turn into resentment.
You keep relationship details private. You don’t post your relationship problems on social media.
You don’t hold grudges. Be sure to talk it out and learn to let go.
You have realistic expectations. The perfect partner doesn’t exist. Healthy couples understand that the key to a long-lasting relationship is commitment, open communication, and compromise.
You take time and space for yourself. You can have separate lives, interests, and friends and maintain your own sense of individuality outside of the relationship.
You trust each other. You respect your partner’s decisions and feel secure.
You enjoy spending time together. A healthy relationship means taking time out of your busy schedule to connect with your partner.
You’re friends. Great couples share common interests, enjoy hanging out together, and making each other laugh.
You make decisions together. Healthy relationships allow partners to have equal say. Compromise is key.
You get intimate. Intimacy can mean different things. Show affection through love languages: gift giving, words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, etc.
You make each other better. Fixing is not the same as supporting. You love each other for who you are.

I really enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/out-of-gas

Out Of Gas

March 5, 2024

When the car runs out of gas we don’t call the car broken. It just needs gas.

Same thing with us…when we’re out of gas we might feel broken but really we just need to be filled up.

The metaphor is easy to understand.

The hard part is knowing what fills you up and having the guts to make time for it.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – November 30, 2023

November 30, 2023November 30, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Last week I skipped Thoughtful Thursday and decided to post a Thankful Thursday post on my social media in honor of Thanksgiving, so here are some of the things I’ve learned in the past two weeks:

On Purpose with Jay Shetty – 10 Ways to Manage Stress & Anxiety During the Holidays

Remember you’re allowed to say “no.” You don’t need to go to every party or event. Say “no” ahead of time if you know you don’t want to go. Prioritize those that matter to you the most.
Take your paid time off. When you don’t take time off, you don’t take time to refuel.
Add some healthy meals and healthy habits between holiday events. We tend to stray from our normal eating patterns during holiday events.

Prepare yourself to know that some people and conversations will be triggering. Don’t waste your energy trying to convince them otherwise. Expect that it will happen so that you aren’t caught off guard. Expecting triggers is better than hoping they won’t happen.
Stop doing things just because someone else wants you to do them. The holidays are a time for you, and you should take time to do some of the things YOU want to do.
Make a budget for gifts!
Make sure you’re clear with people about what you want for gifts. As we get older, it becomes harder and harder for people to read our minds about what we want.

Plan ahead. Look at your calendar and make sure you aren’t going to be overwhelmed. Make sure you can be fully present at the gatherings you attend.
Make time to reflect this year. What do you want to add next year to make it better? What do you want to subtract next year to make it better?
Don’t abandon your self-care practices. The holiday season is often when we need self-care most to deal with the stress.

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – Stressful Holiday Season? How to Manage Your Mental Health

Design your holiday season. What kind of holiday season do you want this year? Figure out what your ideal holiday season would look like and how you are going to make this year ideal. Once you decide what you want the holidays to look like, you can decide whether to accept a holiday invitation or host a party.
Use the last year test to determine how important something is. Ask yourself, “what did I buy that person last year?” If you have no idea, it probably doesn’t matter.
Set time limits on certain activities. Ex: shopping for a gift, decorating, how much time you spend at a party.
Create a list of what not to do. Ex: don’t go over your budget, don’t keep holiday cookies in the house, don’t say yes to invitations you don’t want to accept, etc. You can make your own list.
Practice acceptance. You don’t have to force yourself to feel happy this time of the year. Keep going anyway without forcing happiness on yourself. You can also practice acceptance when it comes to dealing with others during the holidays (ex: political comments during the holidays).

Inside Out Money – End-of-year financial sh*it you need to do!

Max out your 401k or make sure you are maximizing your employer match. I know for many people, including me, contributing the maximum $22,500 is not feasible. Note that some employers allow you to contribute a dollar amount or a % of each paycheck, and some only let you contribute a dollar amount.
If you max out your 401k early, you are losing out on your employer’s match for the rest of the year.
Max out your Roth IRA contribution if you would like to ($6,500 for 2023).

Max out your HSA if you are eligible for one.
Make sure you use your FSA if you aren’t allowed to roll over any amount into the next year. Spend the money this year.
Choose your medical plan for the next year. If you’re married, decide which plan to go on (your own or your partner’s).
Schedule any doctor’s appointments that are still covered before the end of the year (physical, OBGYN appointment, dental visit, etc.)
Optimize around your deductible. If you’ve met your deductible and you need a colonoscopy or procedure, try to get it done this year.

Review your credit card rewards and ensure they don’t expire at the end of the year.
If you want to reduce your taxable income in 2023, look into charitable contributions.
Review your PTO balances and make sure you aren’t losing any that can’t be rolled over into the next year. Plan some of your days off for 2024.
Prep for your taxes.
Check your smoke and carbon monoxide detectors.
Review your expenses and set a budget for 2024.

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/if-you-work-hard

I loved this post from Gabe the Bass Player. This is his post:

“If You Work Hard…

November 24, 2023

…you will become better.

It doesn’t mean you’ll become great, or get paid, or get famous, or get to quit your day job, or win the comparison challenge, or break new ground, or get the credit, or get noticed, or be respected in the field.

It might. It could. I hope it does. Hard work might turn into all of those things for you.

But if you keep working hard you will get better. The increments might be big or small and the word ‘better’ might evolve in its definition over time…but better is where you’re heading if you’re willing to work.“

The perfect conditions

I loved this post from Seth’s Blog about how the perfect conditions will never happen; we need to take action anyway.

The perfect conditions

Somewhere, there is the ideal soil for growing mangoes. Or the best possible wave for surfing. Or the most romantic sunset for a proposal.

But it’s not right here and it’s not right now.

Our success has a lot to do with how we dance with conditions that aren’t quite perfect.

After twenty years of symptoms and pain, I recently had surgery and was diagnosed with endometriosis. I have been trying to educate myself about it since my diagnosis. This podcast and book were very educational!

The Women’s Vibrancy Code – Reclaiming Life from Endometriosis

Resources: Below the Belt documentary about endometriosis + Beating Endo book
The notes I am choosing to share are from both the podcast link and the Beating Endo book.

Symptoms: Endo can affect every organ system. Many are incorrectly diagnosed with IBS due to having constipation and/or diarrhea, bloating, and painful bowel movements. You can have painful periods, pelvic pain, penetration pain/painful sex, urinary frequency, UTIs, fatigue, exhaustion, and infertility. Everyone has different symptoms.
Endometriosis is an inflammatory disorder that impacts every part of the body. It causes gut issues, and those with endo have higher likelihood of autoimmune diseases.
Endometriosis is not just in the uterus. Endometriosis is external or outside of the uterus. Endo is not found in the uterus. Endometriosis is when we have endometrial-like cells outside of the uterus, and there’s no exit point for them.

Endometriosis can’t be seen on imaging unless there are cysts. True diagnosis is a surgical diagnosis. A positive diagnosis is possible only via analysis of excised tissue. Most doctors are doing the wrong surgery (ablation/burning of endometriosis). Excision (removing the endometriosis) is the recommended surgery.
9% of female fetuses have endometriosis!
If the mom, grandma, aunt, or sibling has endometriosis, that daughter/granddaughter/niece/sibling is 7-10x more likely to have endometriosis.

It’s never too late to reclaim your life. Many people are diagnosed in their 30s and 40s. You can’t cure endometriosis, but you can take steps to manage symptoms.
Any relief from symptoms does not achieve the eradication of your endometriosis. The disease may still progress even when you are treating its symptoms. The only treatment is to cut the endometriosis out of you, and it can grow back.
Treatment to manage symptoms (does not cure endometriosis): pelvic floor physical therapy, working on anxiety/stress reduction, and integrative nutrition (anti-inflammatory diet and identifying triggering foods). Endometriosis is inflammatory in nature, so we need to take steps to combat inflammation. The authors emphasized that pro-inflammatory categories of food should be eliminated: gluten, dairy, soy, sugar, and artificial sweeteners.

2 surgery options
- Ablation – applying heat to endometriosis. This is surface level! It shrivels the inflammation, but it’s still there. This is the most common surgical method, but the least helpful.
- Excision – physically cutting out and removing the endometriosis.
Some endometriosis specialists have done an extra fellowship in endometriosis. Make sure your diagnosis is done correctly and the specialist you’re seeing is actually trained in endometriosis. Make sure more than one biopsy is taken.

The Beating Endo book contained so much educational information and many resources!

Self Improvement Daily – “Happiness ‘when’ starts with happiness now.”

So many of us choose to postpone our happiness until another day. We tell ourselves:

I’ll be happy when… I get a promotion or earn more money.
I’ll be happen when… I get married.
I’ll be happy when… I go on vacation.

If you’re not finding ways to be happy right now with what you have, you’re not going to feel all that different when your circumstances change.

So instead of being “happy when”, what can you do to start being “happy now”? How can you set an intention, adjust your attitude, or otherwise change your mindset?

Tony Robbins says “happiness is progress”. If we have something that we’re improving at, it gives us something to be excited about, something to look forward to, and something to find purpose in.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – November 16, 2023

November 16, 2023November 16, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

The Mel Robbins Podcast – 6 Magic Words That Stop Anxiety & Overwhelm

I am an overthinker. I like to have a plan for everything, and I sometimes worry what might happen if that plan doesn’t work out. This podcast was helpful.

6 magic words that stop anxiety and overwhelm: “What if it all works out?”

It stops the spiral and considers you to think about the possibility of it working out.
We can’t control anything that’s happening outside of us, but we can control our reaction to it.
When we worry, the outcome is way better than we expected most of the time.

Your primary emotional response is your immediate action to having something bad happen, a fear of yours, or an expectation that you have. The secondary emotion that you feel is your emotional reaction to it. Ex: someone dies and your primary emotion is shock, but your secondary emotion is grief that can last a long time. You don’t have a lot of control of the primary emotion, but you can control the secondary emotion and the pain you cause yourself.

The pain of worrying, catastrophizing, and assuming the worst can impact your health, mindset, nervous system, attitude, and ability to experience more joy and fulfillment in your life.
When you worry, you experience the pain twice. You experience the anticipation of it and the aftermath of it. Anticipating it is often way worse than what happens/when it happens.
Worry and stress can cause physical pain: headaches, upset stomach, etc.

Money and Marriage Podcast – Six Money and Marriage Facts that Every Couple Should Know

It is normal for you and your spouse to have financial differences. We tend to attract our financial opposites: saver vs. spender, hands-on vs. hands-off, possessions vs. experiences.
Your spouse’s financial situation will impact your own. This comes up most often with debt. One spouse may have a lot of debt and one has little or no debt. It will impact you. Ex: retirement – If one of you is ready to retire and the other isn’t due to debts or not saving enough $. Do you have the same goals for retirement?

There is a right and wrong choice for you to make financially – always. The right choice for you to make as a couple may be different than what the right choice is for your friends. Ex: joint accounts, separate accounts, mine/yours/ours accounts
The statistics on money and marriage are real, but they are not inevitable. You can beat the statistics.

When making financial decisions, you need to spend some time looking in the rearview mirror, but you need to focus on looking forward and how to move forward. Marriage counseling/therapy tends to focus on the past. Understand the role of the rearview mirror. It should be used, but it would be a mistake to drive and only look in the rearview mirror the whole time; when driving, you mostly need to focus on looking forward.
Investing time into your marriage is the best investment you can make. The easiest way to lose half of your wealth is to get divorced.

Life Kit – The consequences of overindulging your kids

Spoiling – giving the kids everything they want
Overindulging – we give to our kids, whether or not it’s in our best interests. Parent has a need or discomfort they are wanting to alleviate.
- Material: consumerism; having too much of what looks good for too long or too often – “be grateful, not greedy”Relational: parents are doing things for their kids that their kids don’t need them to be doing – parents overstepping cause children to under-function
  - Ex: doing their laundry
- Structural: struggle to set rules or enforce rules consistently
  - Ex: having no limits, having rules that are inappropriate for your child’s age (too lenient), having rules that are not consistently enforced

The COVID-19 pandemic taught us that we need our kids to be self-sufficient, so many parents gave their children freedom, screens, and toys to entertain or distract them. Some parents overaccommodated.
Negative outcomes associated with overindulgence: overdependence on others, learned helplessness, being unable to achieve developmental tasks on time, defiance or disrespect for other people or things, difficulty delaying gratification, and not knowing when enough is enough

Test of 4 to determine if overindulgence is a problem:

Am I hindering my child from developmentally-appropriate tasks? Does this situation hinder the child from learning the tasks that support their development or learning at this age? Ex: packing my child’s lunch, cleaning their room for them, tying their shoes, etc. If yes, you are overindulging.

Am I giving them a disproportionate amount of family resources? Does this situation give a disproportionate amount of family resources to one or more of the children (money, space, time, or attention)? If yes, you are overindulging.

Am I making choices that benefit me more than the child? Does this situation exist to benefit the adult more than the child? If you are giving more than you’re comfortable with in order to make yourself calm, you are overindulging.

Does the child’s behavior potentially harm others, society, or the planet in some way? If you are allowing your child to do something that is harmful, disrespectful, defiant, breaking a rule, or infringing on someone else’s rights, that is a sign of overindulgence.

Identify the areas where you might be overindulging your kids (relational, material, or structural overindulgence). Ex: Start by saying no to extra screens. Figure out how to be comfortable in the discomfort of your kids not reacting favorably.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you set a rule or a limit, stick with it to develop trust.
Delay gratification. Teach your kids wants vs. needs so that they understand that you need to work hard for everything you have. Do a sticker chart or rewards chart to make them work for something; they may decide they don’t want it anymore. How hard are they willing to work for something?

Gradual exchange of power – instead of packing your kid’s lunches, slowly transfer this responsibility and effort to your child so that they can learn and start to feel more self-sufficient and capable and you feel more comfortable letting go of something you thought you needed to do.
Have consistency between both parents. Communicate, set boundaries and enforce them, and be on the same page so that the kids aren’t asking one parent who always give in.
Get more comfortable saying no early on. It’s important to give a child what they need, but it’s dangerous to give a child everything they want.

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/easy-to-work-with

I really enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

Easy To Work With

November 14, 2023

It doesn’t mean you’re always happy or never rock the boat or always following the rules or just being super laid back all the time. Those things might encompass the ‘easy’ part.

But to be easy to WORK with…

It means you speak with clarity, show up prepared, take responsibility, make others better, embrace the long term vision as you take care of today’s details. And you show up on time.

Self Improvement Daily – You Can’t Or You Won’t?

The words we use are extremely powerful and provide deep insights into our internal world. When we use the word ‘can’t’ we don’t take ownership for whatever it is, leaving us with what’s leftover and choosing to have little say in the matter.

Many people complain that they ‘can’t’ do something, but the truth is that they’ve chosen to forfeit their own attempts at making it happen for themselves. It’s not that they can’t; it’s more often that they’re unwilling to endure the consequences, make the tradeoff, or accept the conditions that would make it happen. I struggle with this sometimes, too. I have dealt with all three of the scenarios below at some point in my life:

Examples:

“I can’t afford it” – This really means you’re unwilling to move to a cheaper apartment or house, change your lifestyle, or look at ways to increase your income.

“I can’t quit my job” – This really means that you’re unwilling to expose yourself to the possibility of not having a stable income and risk financial hardship, receiving criticism from others, and accepting the identity of being unemployed as you transition.

“I can’t set boundaries” or “I can’t say no” – This really means that you’re unwilling to put up with the pushback and emotions of others, and you’re unwilling to prioritize yourself over others.

You can do (almost) anything. The reason it doesn’t feel that way is because everything is a tradeoff. When you realize what you’re currently getting is what you’re currently choosing, you realize how quickly things can change.

Shift your thinking by shifting your language. When you want to say “I can’t”, instead say “I won’t”. It removes the power from your external circumstances and allows you to hold it yourself. You will feel empowered because you will realize that you’re choosing everything in your life, and you need to start making new decisions that better support you and the life you want to live.

One of the books I’ve read this past week is “The In-Between: Unforgettable encounters during life’s final moments” written by Hadley Vlahos, RN. This was a very compassionate and transformative book detailing experiences with her hospice patients and their deaths. You can follow Hadley on TikTok @nursehadley.

Here are some of the most surprising take-aways related to hospice from this book:

There is a surge of energy almost everyone gets before dying.
Some people choose their time of death in a sense, actively dying but not taking their last breath until they are surrounded by family.
Seeing deceased loved ones and/or increased confusion are both signs death is near. This is an expected step of a patient’s decline and is a medical phenomenon that commonly happens to people no matter what their spiritual beliefs are.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – September 28, 2023

September 28, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

On Purpose with Jay Shetty – My Birthday Episode: 12 Lessons I’ve Learned in the Last 12 Months & Ways You Can Apply Them Into Your Life

Be really conscious about who you keep and let go from your life. Just because you have history doesn’t mean you have to force a future. We often feel we have to stay connected to people because we were once connected to them.
Take care of your body and mind like your life depends on it – because it does. Helping yourself is a part of helping others. Start with your sleep. If you are sleeping well, you will have the energy to work out and take care of the rest of your health. Jay Shetty prioritizes MEDS for his health: meditation, exercise, diet, and sleep.
It’s okay to ask for help or a hug. You help others, so it’s important to recognize when you need help and ask for help.

Don’t buy into your own hype. Stay connected to where you started and remain a humble student of life.
People will always try to tear you down no matter how good your intentions are. Consider what you can learn from criticisms. Ask those who truly know you for their feedback.
Different levels come with different problems. No amount of money or fame will solve all of your problems. When you’re struggling, find a book or podcast about that problem and learn about how to resolve it. Immerse yourself in learning to overcome that problem.
As you get older, don’t forget to do things for your younger self. Allow yourself to delve into the things you didn’t have time for when you were younger. Honor your younger interests. Don’t deny your younger self of an experience just because your older self thinks it’s insignificant.

Give yourself permission to be all of you. The more we try to extract parts of ourselves in the hopes of becoming perfect, the more we lose a valuable expression of ourselves.
You don’t have to be perfect to help others. You have the ability to do things you haven’t even imagined yet.
You can’t avoid mistakes, but don’t avoid the lesson.
Make new memories instead of living old ones again and again. Don’t try to recreate moments from the past. Be open to new feelings, new emotions, new people, and new places.
Use your gifts and skills in the service of others. It will create opportunities you never thought of, give your life more meaning than ever, and help create memories for a lifetime.

I saw this video this week and it was a great lesson! So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations. If people aren’t showing up how you need them to show up, do not try to force them to change themselves. They’re revealing who they are to you. Just let them. Then you get to choose what you do next.

Life Kit – We’ve heard we need more fiber in our diets

Fiber is a dietary superhero: it lowers cholesterol, helps regulate blood sugar levels, keeps your hunger in check, and it is the primary food for the trillions of microbes that live in our gut.
Diets rich in fiber are linked to a lower risk of major health problems: obesity, type 2 diabetes, cancer, and cardiovascular disease.
Recommendations: 14 grams of fiber per 1,000 calories you eat – women typically around 25 grams of fiber. Men – 38 grams of fiber. Less than 10% of Americans eat the daily amount of fiber.
Try to eat the rainbow. Eat a variety of plant-based foods that are rich in fiber: sweet potatoes, avocados, asparagus, artichokes, brown rice, lentils, beans, etc.
Soluble fibers dissolve in water. They bind with water and turn into a gel-like consistency that slows digestion and can lower glucose levels and blood cholesterol levels. Ex: chia seeds, apples, pears
Insoluble fibers don’t dissolve in water. They add bulk to stool and prevent constipation. Ex: quinoa, rice, kale, walnuts
Tips: switch from white bread to whole-grain bread, drink lots of water, and take note of which foods cause sensitivities. Moving after meals can help reduce digestive discomfort.

The Liz Moody Podcast – How to Eliminate Bloat & Constipation

Your gut microbiome thrives on fiber and diversity of fiber. Diversity of fiber promotes diversity of microbiome species.
Elimination diets tend to narrow the diversity of fiber, which adversely affects the gut microbiome.
If your problem is that you are backed up and full of stool, elimination diets won’t help you. If your bloating is caused by your stomach being slow to empty, an elimination diet is not the intervention.
Elimination diets are only recommended when an adverse food reaction or intolerance is underlying the symptoms.

Some people have a primary intolerance, where a food does not agree with your body at all. Ex: lactose intolerance, fructose intolerance.
Some people have a secondary food intolerance, where you have developed a sensitivity to a food because of something else going on in your body that is treatable. Once it is identified and treated, your tolerance can be restored. Ex: SIBO – excess bacteria can thrive in your small intestine where they don’t belong

SIBO results in a change of your stool consistency (more frequent bowel movements, diarrhea, more constipation). Morning is the best time of the day. SIBO can an result in B12 deficiency. Those with SIBO experience weight changes – usually weight loss.
Most common cause of bloating: bowel is completely full of stool, visible on an x-ray
Options: take some magnesium (osmotic laxative – Miralax), scale back on fiber intake, have pureed fruits/veggies, and pull back on raw roughage. Usually a combination of magnesium and a decrease in fiber intake will do the job. If magnesium works, you probably don’t have a pelvic floor problem. If problems persist, have your pelvic floor function evaluated and undergo physical therapy or biofeedback.

Social media has skewed our perception of what a normal body should look like. Ex: flat bellies vs. bloated bellies
Your abdominal cavity needs to be able to accommodate the stretch of a stomach that is filling with a meal, so it is normal for your stomach to look more distended after you eat. It’s normal for your stomach to be bigger at the end of the day than it was in the morning.
When you blend or puree fiber, its particle size is smaller. The chemical bonds are the same, but the physical particle size is decreasing so it’s less likely to overcrowd your digestive system. Blending fruits and veggies is better than juicing; you still get the fibrous benefits.
At certain stages of your menstrual cycle, you may experience more fluid retention and looser stools. You can take IBgard, peppermint oil, Heather’s tummy tamers, etc. for natural anti-spasmodics.
Pregnancy can lead to the colon becoming displaced in certain areas due to the embryo pushing on it, causing acid reflux and constipation. Miralax and prunes are safe to use during pregnancy.

Figure out what the right amount of fiber for your body is. Every person varies on the amount of fiber and sources of fiber they can tolerate.
Some causes of bloating are not related to your colon or your bowels; it’s your stomach. Maybe you swallowed air that needs to be released, maybe you have acid reflux, maybe you are full of stool and need to defecate, etc. There is not one answer to relieve bloating.
Gas relief: happy baby position, knees to chest, ILU gut massage, gas relief meds
When traveling, pack a bowel regimen (fiber supplement/Miralax/gas relief) and snacks with fiber to guarantee good consistent fiber.

IBS may be the diagnosis if you have chronic, irregular symptoms and pain and tested negative for Crohns and Celiac Disease. IBS is a chronic condition that is treatable but not curable. Most people respond substantially to medications.
Salads, nuts, seeds, and popcorn contain insoluble fiber and can make you more diarrhea-prone.
Cortisol wakes up the bowels in the morning. The amount of serotonin hanging around in the gut will impact your motility (how quickly things move) as well as your sensation (how sensitive you are to pain). Your serotonin levels are connected to anxiety, depression, and where you are right now mentally. A lot of IBS is treated off-label using anti-depressants to manipulate the amount of serotonin in the intestines, which manipulates motility and sensation.
Diaphragmatic breathing also helps with GI issues.
Parasites are extremely rare. Giardia is the most common parasite.
For more information, check out Thebloatedbellywhisperer.com

I loved this blog post from Gabe the Bass Player, a blog I read daily.

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/saying-something

One of the books I’ve finished reading this past week is “The Song of Significance: A New Manifesto for Teams” written by Seth Godin, author of 21 international bestsellers that have changed the way people think about work, and author of seths.blog, one of the most popular marketing blogs in the world (that I also read daily). This book emphasized doing work that matters, creating a difference, being part of something, and doing work we’re proud of. Here are my favorite take-aways from the book:

Actions speak louder than meetings.
Seth Godin

What actually separates thriving organizations from struggling ones are the difficult-to-measure attitudes, processes, and perceptions of the people who do the work. Measurable skills without productive attitudes aren’t worth much.

We need to be clear, specific, and kind in our language. If we can go a step further and agree to give each person on our team the benefit of the doubt – and to ask for clarification when we’re confused – we’re much less likely to cause pain, confusion, or simply a disruption in our journey.

We need to offer people work worth doing. We need to find ways to create significance. What is the change we seek to make? What are you doing that is special? How do your unique skills and passions help this work go better? Does this work matter? Are you making choices that create an impact?

What are meetings for? Reinforcing status roles, clarifying the pecking order, a way to deny responsibility later? The purpose of a meeting is to communicate an idea and the emotions that go with it and to find out what’s missing via engaged conversation. If we can’t do that, let’s not meet. Multitasking, especially during meetings, isn’t productive, respectful, or healthy. Being present in real time is a waste unless we interact. Reaffirming your status and control isn’t worth an hour of my day.
Seth Godin

Many employers focus on hiring people with traditional vocational skills: productive, skilled, and experienced with a resume to prove it. What if employers also focused on real skills such as self-control, wisdom, perception, influence, charisma, drive, goal-setting, empathy, consistency, patience, and deep listening? When happens to your organization when someone like that joins your team?

Significance isn’t what we get…it’s what we do for others.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – September 21, 2023

September 21, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Chasing Life – The Distracted Brain

In the last few months, there have been countless articles about people not being able to sit still and focus. Some movies in theaters have been interrupted by people constantly scrolling on social media. I’ve read that TikTok has shortened our attention span, and many people are unable to sit through and complete watching an extended video on TikTok!
When we concentrate, our brain/executive system is constantly sifting out distractions but also sending out signals that say “this is what is important right now.” There is a very fine line between attention and distraction. We have a limited tank of attentional resources, and there are things we do during the day that build up our resources (taking a break, getting good quality sleep) and things that deplete our resources.
Attention spans have diminished over the years. In 2003, the average attention span on a screen was 2 ½ minutes. In 2012, it was 75 seconds. In the last five years or so, the average is 47 seconds! Some studies have reported that the average attention span is now just 8 seconds! This has been replicated by several studies. The devices themselves are not the only culprits. We are swept away by notifications, but personality is also a factor, as some people are more easily distracted than others.

Most of the ways we consume content has changed dramatically: TikTok has short clips, the shot lengths of tv and film have decreased over the years, the length of tv commercials has decreased, etc. Attention spans are getting shorter, so directors, film/tv editors, and tech companies are gearing content to what they think people will be able to pay attention to.

4 types of attention: Focus, rote, bored, frustrated

If you’re highly challenged and engaged, that is a state of focus.
If you’re engaged and not very challenged, that is rote focus (ex: solitaire, scrolling through social media).
If you’re not engaged and not challenged, that is boredom.
If you’re challenged and not engaged, that is a state of frustration.
The key is to be both engaged and challenged. Everyone is different and has their own rhythm at which they can be both engaged and challenged (time of day, days of the week, etc.)

When people are shifting their attention fast (multi-tasking), it’s associated with higher stress, and, as a consequence, people make more errors. Example: people turn down the music when trying to find a house number or backing out of their driveway so that they can focus. Otherwise, they find it too cognitively challenging to focus.

TIPS:

Find your own rhythm to find your best times for focus. Some people focus best in the morning, after lunch, after exercise, etc.
What can people do to create a more attentive brain? Gain agency over your attention so that you are in control and don’t feel like your devices are in control. Don’t let the bells and popups from your phone rule your life. Become aware of these unconscious actions and raise then to a conscious awareness so that you can become more intentional in your actions.
It is important to get good sleep, take a long break, and go out in nature to increase your focus and attention span. Reframe how you think about scheduling your day. Design the tasks you have to do based on what your own personal rhythm is. Save the tasks that require the hardest work and creative energy to those times that you are most focused and have the most energy.
Every day, ask yourself “What do I want to accomplish today?” and “How do I want to feel?” Be honest and check in on your progress throughout the day to help you stay on track, focused, and attentive.
When people think of distractions, they tend to think of external distractions (phone calls, texts, etc.). Most of the time, we are distracted by ourselves (internal distractions) such as an urge or memory of something we have to do, a desire to look at social media, etc.

Frugal Friends Podcast – How to Systematize Your Sunday Meal Prep

Plan a day/time to meal prep each week. You can pre-cut and freeze chopped onions. Do not thaw them in the refrigerator! Put them right into the pan/pot.
Create a go-to list of family favorite recipes. Keep the ingredients on hand.
Simplify your ingredient list so that you can make several meals with the ingredients you keep on hand. I have some staples I always have on hand, such as ground beef, chicken, peppers, onions, carrots, sweet potatoes, minced garlic, rice, beans, quinoa, homemade taco seasoning and other spice blends, and jars of salsa.
Embrace make-ahead and freezer meals, such as soups and stews.

Do whatever you need to do to make it easier to eat at home than to order takeout.
Take help where you can get it. Ex: your partner assisting you with meal prep, buying pre-cut produce, canned beans, minced garlic, meal kits, frozen vegetables, etc.
Make the most of pantry staples.
Many people think of meal prepping for lunch or supper. Consider breakfast options too. Make a baked oatmeal or energy bites.

TIPS FROM THIS PODCAST:

Make a double batch of rice or quinoa and save one batch for later in the week for a different cuisine.
Prep different veggies, carbs, and proteins. Mix and match throughout the week.
You can make a 5 lb bag of frozen chicken in the Instapot all at once and use a Kitchenaid mixer to quickly shred it in under a minute. Then freeze some of it and refrigerate some of it.
Use grocery pickup to avoid impulse purchases. It is easier to stay in budget and plan meals in advance when using grocery pickup.

Sobriety Uncensored – Episode 41 – FAQs

The host encourages people to ask themselves: “Is alcohol still benefiting my mental health, my physical health, my financial wealth, and my relationships?” Some people get irritated because if anyone asks themselves those questions, nobody would drink. That’s the truth.
People who don’t want to quit but want to “cut back” don’t want to tell people they plan to quit because that way, they won’t be held accountable. When they do drink, they can justify it by saying that they cut back.
“By just quitting by announcing it to myself, I was just bartering with myself. If I wanted to drink again, I could drink again. I could lie to myself all day long and I did.”
Accountability is necessary for many people to achieve long-term sobriety and stay focused on the end game.

How I Built This with Guy Raz – DoorDash: Tony Xu

Fun fact: I have never ordered from DoorDash! Still, I wanted to learn more about DoorDash, and this episode was fascinating.

DoorDash started out with a simple webpage, 8 restaurants, and a Honda Accord.
Tony Xu went to college at UC-Berkley and went to business school at Stanford.
Tony had a project at Stanford where he had to work on a customer audience that he was passionate about and try different things. He grew up as a dishwasher in his mom’s restaurant, so he worked with others and they would call restaurants and ask them what problem they could solve.
The first idea they worked on was a marketing solution that would help them determine where their customers were coming from by asking them at the check out how they heard about the business. They realized that, although it was a helpful idea, it wouldn’t be the fastest way to grow a business.
They then shifted their attention to growing businesses. They heard about challenges with delivery because most restaurants did not deliver. Businesses turned down several orders each week because they didn’t offer delivery. They first tested their project by delivering for other companies (ex: applied to be drivers at Fedex and Dominos) to learn about how deliveries work. They learned that it’s hard to predict how many drivers to have on staff on any given day and it is an inefficient use of expensive labor.

None of the restaurants around Stanford offered delivery, so on a Saturday, they built a website called PaloAltoDelivery.com. They put 8 PDF menus from local restaurants on the website and there was a Google voice # that would ring Tony and his classmates/founders. They did not ask permission of the restaurants; they just picked 8 restaurants (Thai, middle eastern, Chinese, Indian, salad bar, etc.) People called the # and ordered off the menu. They would then do the deliveries themselves. They would make an estimate of how long it would take, call the order in, and use a Square card reader to receive payment. Essentially they were just being reimbursed to buy someone else’s food.
They got their first order 45 minutes after launching. They videotaped their first delivery.
They only offered service when they were not in class (available 5-8 p.m.) They did that for five months. They kept track of what people would be willing to pay for delivery, whether restaurants would want to work with them and pay them, and whether they could recruit drivers at Stanford and how much they needed to be paid.
They were only delivering 5-10 orders per day. It was not very scalable.

The founders applied to the Y combinator accelerator program and were accepted – got $20,000 and gave away a small piece of ownership. Their webpage became more sophisticated (from PDFs to store web pages). All 40 companies pitched onstage to a group of investors. Tony said they are building a logistics business, not a food delivery company. Their goal was not just to do food. They raised $2 million from investors in the seed round. With the $2 million, they needed to prove that the service was viable in a market in one area, so they chose San Jose and built an app (DoorDash). Purchased domain for $9.95. He and his founders did all of the deliveries for almost the entire first year.
They realized that the most difficult part was building products that the consumers don’t see. How do you get the order to the restaurant? How do you reconcile orders if they go wrong? How do you tie to the accounting that restaurants are already doing? How do you know which door to enter if you’re a driver? His cofounders led the engineering team, most of which are still at DoorDash today.
They printed out flyers and stuffed takeout bags at restaurants to advertise their business.

San Jose grew very fast over a 4-month period, so they decided to raise their next round of financing. They wanted to create new technology by hiring salespeople, hire drivers, and spend on marketing.
There’s an app for the user, the restaurant has a different app, and the driver has a different app. They also need to build other systems to ensure everything is working properly.
Every single person did deliveries and customer support every single day for the first year. They still do this, but once a month instead of every day. This causes them to learn about different systems and nuances. In many ways, they consider themselves an applied math company. Where is every parking lot, construction zone, alley, and elevator inside of a mall?

The delivery fee ranges from $1.99-$5.99. DoorDash makes money from the delivery fee (from the customer) and from the restaurant (a percentage of the order total). When DoorDash launched, there were over 800 companies around the country delivering parcel.
When you look at the restaurant industry, it’s not all online. Many orders still happen through a phone call.
This episode was from 2018. Tony aims to make DoorDash the biggest infrastructure that connects consumers and merchants. He wants to be the first phone call for those who want to start a company and build their businesses. Currently it is the biggest service in about 60% of the U.S.
Tony says his success has involved a lot of luck. He acknowledges that he has been lucky to have a lot of great people who have helped him along the way. The hard work and skill was not the result of just him; he says the real heroes were his teammates, and their collective hours, skills, hard work, and drive allowed him to be successful.

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/five-shorts

I loved this post of Gabe’s from his blog that I read daily:

This past week I read “Real Self-Care” written by Pooja Lakshmin, MD. I will post about this book in greater detail in a future blog post. For now, I wanted to share a few main points:

Real self-care requires setting boundaries and moving past guilt.
Real self-care means treating yourself with compassion.
Real self-care brings you closer to yourself and your values, beliefs, and desires.
Real self-care is an assertion of power. It’s about saying what works for you and what doesn’t.

Faux self-care is a noun, typically describing an activity or a product. Real self-care is a verb, describing an invisible, internal decision-making process.

Real self-care is all about making space for you – your thoughts, feelings, and priorities in life. Setting boundaries is how we take our time, energy, and attention back. Real self-care involves aligning your actions with your values.

Compassion is something you must give yourself. You can’t expect it to always come from others. You can’t be compassionate with yourself until you have learned to start saying no to others.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday- May 25, 2023

May 25, 2023August 15, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Self Improvement Daily- When You Are Your Own Friend

Let’s say you had a miscommunication, let someone down, and got defensive about it, or you got into a big fight with a family member. In your own head, you may get really critical and get upset that you didn’t have more emotional control. You tell yourself you’re an awful person.

Now look at the example from a different angle. Instead of you being the person involved in the fight that made a few mistakes, you’re a good friend of that person. After they tell you about the event and the circumstances around it, what would you say to them? You likely wouldn’t tell them how awful of a person they are. You would likely be supportive and encouraging. You’d highlight their best qualities and understand that this was an isolated incident.

This isn’t about a lack of taking responsibility for our actions. The point is that we are so quick to find the goodness and humanity in others and the flaws within ourselves. So the next time you catch yourself criticizing or going through self-deprecating thoughts, ask yourself this question – “What would I tell myself if I were my own friend?”

Self Care IRL- The 8 small steps you need to start your self-improvement journey

Do not change everything at once. Start with 1-3 small goals you can easily achieve. Ex: one healthy meal each day, walk 20 minutes every day, etc. You can increase and expand on your habits after a while. Progress is more important than perfection. Perfection does not exist.
Make a plan of action and actually stick to it. Staying focused and motivated requires discipline. Discipline requires planning. Take action every day, even if it’s just a small step.
Habit stacking. Ex: journal while drinking coffee. Listen to a podcast or watch tv while on the treadmill. Read while riding public transportation to work.
Celebrate your wins—both big and small. Every step forward is success. Share your wins with friends to add accountability.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. You are bound to have setbacks along the way. Learn from your mistakes and keep going. Be patient with yourself. Progress takes time. Forgiving yourself is the ultimate flex in life. Practicing self-compassion is vital if you want to improve yourself.
Find your support system. It is crucial if you have goals in sight. Whether you need hands-on support or emotional support, knowing that someone is there to lift you up will be incredibly helpful for encouragement and accountability. The podcast host mentioned getting together with a group of people weekly or monthly on a Wednesday to discuss “Wednesday wins”–“wins” each person has had in the past week or month. Lift each other up and encourage each other.
Set goals for yourself. Document how soon you want to achieve it to determine a plan and how hard you need to work. Don’t feel overly committed to that number. Plans can change. Set weekly or monthly goals to track your progress just to see how far you have come.
Be patient and keep working toward your goals, even when things get tough. You will have setbacks.

TED Talks Daily- What makes a “good college” — and why it matters – Cecilia M. Orphan

We say we want colleges to be more equitable and more accessible. We tend to obsess over a tiny group of colleges most of us could never get into. It’s not because we aren’t smart enough. It’s because there isn’t enough space for all of us. They intentionally cap the number of students that they accept.
Instead of calling them prestigious universities, some people refer to them as “highly rejective colleges” – Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Princeton, MIT, etc. These are all major research institutions.
Regional public universities (RPUs) are the exact opposite of highly rejective colleges. They pride themselves in accepting almost everyone who applies — students are more likely to be first-generation college students, students of color, low-income students, veterans, and adults balancing work and family while going to school. RPU students often don’t have the test scores required to get into a highly rejective college. It’s not that they aren’t capable; it’s because they weren’t given the same advantages as other students. RPUs change more lives than prestigious universities by allowing more students access to education.
People sometimes criticize RPUs and refer to them as “the 13^th grade,” “not real,” or “almost anyone can get in.”

The colleges that already have the largest endowments tend to receive the most charitable donations. Imagine if these donations were spread across the many RPUs in the country.
In the U.S. and throughout the world, far more public funding goes to highly rejective colleges than to regional public universities, causing RPUs to become more expensive, which hurts low-income students and causes student loan debt to skyrocket.
If we really want more low-income students to go to college and equity in higher education, we need to fund regional public universities. Instead of giving to your highly rejective alma mater, consider giving to universities that really need it.
Last year, billionaire philanthropist Mckenzie Scott gave $1.5 billion to 73 different colleges and universities that serve low-income students and students of color.
There is no better way to make a difference in higher education than to give to the colleges that change the lives of their students and communities. This isn’t all about money. We all have the power to change the way we think about and talk about regional public universities or stop people when they frame them in negative ways.

Life Kit- Making friends anywhere you move

Be active and intentional about making connections. Alert your network. Post on your socials and ask for introductions. Tell your coworkers, especially if you have a remote job. Communicate what kind of connection you’re looking for – someone to show you around, another couple with school-age kids, etc. We tend to think that it’s going to be so awkward to reach out to people who we aren’t in touch with anymore. You just have to own it.
Reconnect with old friends. You might end up better friends with them than before. Acknowledge the gap in time and that you haven’t been the best at keeping in touch. Propose specific plans for catching up. Follow up after meeting in person.
Incorporate more routine into your day. Ex: coffee shops. With routine, you are seeing the same faces and it becomes less intimidating to talk to them. You can incorporate any activity, community, or place you love. No matter where you live, you can develop that sense of home. Find a place for yourself that isn’t work and isn’t home: book club, soccer club, etc.
Find online groups, event listings, and meetups. Now is your chance to engage in an activity you’ve been thinking about. Ex: book clubs. You don’t have to know anyone there, but you can connect with others about the same book you’ve read. You meet regularly. Commit to showing up more than once. It changes the way you engage with people who are there. Stop trying to form a relationship with the collective and focus on forming relationships with the singular. It can be less intimidating to focus on individual members first.
When getting to know people, focus on the connection, not the relationship. Being honest about yourself is key to adult relationships. Get comfortable with the things that make you different and the interests that you have. If you are introverted, only say “yes” to the activities that you know will bring you joy. Focus your energy on one-on-one interactions. Making new friends takes effort, especially when you barely know anyone around you.
Take-aways: be open and intentional about making new friends. Tell your network that you’re moving or looking to meet people. Reconnect with old friends and acknowledge the passing of time. Make clear plans to meet. Build your own routines and find places you feel at ease. Go to group gatherings. For recurring groups, commit to going at least three times. Friendships start with one-on-one relationships. Remember that all of this takes time.

When I first moved to my city, I didn’t have any friends in the area aside from former coworkers. I am grateful to have met several girls in an online Facebook group for girls making friends. Through this group, I have joined a book club, hiking groups, and made many quality friends who share similar interests.

Optimal Finance Daily- Understanding the Seven Habits of Wealth by Rob Berger

Hard work– achieving financial security is often the result of consistent diligence.
Modest living– modest living can produce great wealth on a modest income.
Patience– produces thoughtful, long-term decisions that can produce wealth while minimizing risk. Patiently waiting for the right time to buy a stock or company
Perseverance– working through challenges. Perseverance keeps us focused on our goals and enables us to confront all challenges.
Balance– healthy balance of stocks, bonds, or other investments
Self-awareness– brings into focus the motivations behind the daily decisions we make. Allows us to understand what motivates us to spend money, what investments are best for us given our tolerance for risk, and what will produce contentment in our lives.
Learning– enables us to improve our careers, investments, and spending, as well as other areas of our lives

“What we are and what we have is a result of what we repeatedly do.” Wealth then, is not the result of an act, but the result of our habits.

How to Be a Better Human- How to set boundaries and find peace (w/ Nedra Glover Tawwab)

We want kids to be assertive, but we don’t teach them how to be assertive with us.
Pay attention to the things you complain most about. This will tell you where you need to set boundaries.
Many people right now are having boundary issues around being overwhelmed and overcommitting themselves. You can say no to things! People found pleasure during the pandemic by not having to attend social obligations. You don’t need to do those things if you don’t want to. Place value on the relationships that are important.
Trying to do everything on your own/not asking for help- there are times when we don’t have the skillset, time, or mental capacity to do it all. We need to seek help. It can be hard to be vulnerable and ask for help.
Codependency- thinking “if I did this, this person would suffer this consequence because of my lack of support for their issue.” Stop thinking like this!
Set boundaries, find peace!

I posted an extensive blog post about this book recently. Check it out here:

Main Accounts: The Story of MySpace- Welcome to MySpace

Popularity:

MySpace used to be the most popular website in America. It launched in August 2003. The creators, Tom Anderson and Chris Dewolfe, took inspiration from sites like Friendster and Asian Avenue. There were only 100,000 users in October 2003, but, the following year, after picking up dissatisfied Friendster users, the site exploded to 5 million users! MySpace peaked in 2008 with over 100 million users. At the height of its popularity, 250,000 people were signing up for new accounts every day. Most of the users were young – in their teens and twenties. It was at the center of their social lives.
In 2005, MySpace was seeing 16 million visitors per month and was the biggest social network in the world. It was sold to News Corporation, and Intermix negotiated the deal. This was done without the knowledge of the founders of MySpace. Chris and Tom were each paid $30 million. They left the company in 2009, and News Corporation brought in a new CEO and its own people.
When MySpace launched, social media was an unknown quantity. People had no idea how to make money off of social networks or even if they could make money off of it. The consequences of social media had yet to be seen.

Origins:

Tom Anderson had founded the company with Chris Dewolfe. Before MySpace, Tom had worked for Chris as a copywriter and product tester at another startup. Tom was a musician, went to film school, and dabbled in the hacker community as a teenager. MySpace does not have the typical Silicon Valley origin story.
While at Euniverse, Tom and Chris had at their disposal the company’s database of over 30 million e-mail addresses. The e-mails of everyone who signed up with a new MySpace account could be added to the database. MySpace was a subsidiary of its parent company, Intermix.

What set MySpace apart:

MySpace offered opportunities for people to express their creativity and meet people in ways that felt thrilling and scary at the time. People used MySpace in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina to keep in touch with friends and family after they evacuated Louisiana. Soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan used it to connect with people back home. It was a place where millions of people could connect to one another. MySpace was one of many projects at the company EUniverse (an early ecommerce company). EUniverse was one of the few survivors of the dot com crash. EUniverse was later renamed Intermix.
On Friendster, users related to each other as a chain of connections. On MySpace, it didn’t really matter if your friends were strangers or actually friends. You added who you wanted and showed users who mattered to you by selecting users for your Top 8.
Top 8 created competition and encouraged users to curate their friends and spotlight people or bands that reflected on their personalities and personal tastes. From the glittery, sleezy design to the carefree way people communicated on it, MySpace felt like a party on the internet. People talked more casually on MySpace.
MySpace allowed you to tweak the HTML on your profile page so that you could change the color of the background, have a song playing while people looked at your page, etc. People put a lot of thought into it. Customizable pages (scrolling text, text that would blink, colorful texts, embedded music) allowed for self-expression.
MySpace was giving users free software. Previously, if you wanted to set up a website for yourself, you’d have to buy software. The way users were paying MySpace was with all of their data and information. The legacy of MySpace is the pioneering of this business model – of monetizing user data.
Another unique feature is that creator Tom Anderson was automatically everyone’s friend.

Why MySpace did not last:

MySpace was sold as “the perfect media company that generates free content through its users. It generates free traffic by its users inviting their friends, and all you have to do is sell the ads.”
MySpace was on track to be the biggest mass platform for advertising in the world. Facebook is the biggest single mass platform for advertising in the world. The lack of engineering expertise and talent and the lack of focus on abilities to outcompete on the actual quality of the product is what doomed MySpace to fail against Facebook. You have to have great engineering and great talent, and that is what made Facebook win. MySpace lost relevance because it couldn’t scale up to be mainstream like Facebook.
The social network felt chaotic and open in a free-for-all sense much like the city where it was created: Los Angeles. It sometimes felt like a cool nightclub. However massive it was, it was still youth-oriented. With various scenes and clicks, it felt very niche. MySpace was notable and big, but it wasn’t TikTok size.
People who were big on the platform could not scale out and achieve mass fame. The internet culture was not mass culture in the 2000s. They were sort of niche. All of this was happening before there was viral content and before algorithms filtered what users would see. There wasn’t a “for you” page. You had to find it yourself.

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/festival-walking

I loved Gabe The Bass Player’s post on May 16 (all credit to Gabe the Bass Player):

Festival Walking

May 16, 2023

“Summer. The height of the music festival season. The height of…

“Is this band any good? I’m going to decide right now as I walk past the stage for thirty seconds…”

It doesn’t matter if you’re a well established act or a new act. No one gets a pass. You get the time it takes for someone walking past the stage to be compelling enough for them to stay. You gotta be good.

The truth is…you’ve probably got thirty seconds but their question is answered within five. And that interaction is what they’ll carry with them forever and tell their friends about when your name comes up.”

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday- April 27, 2023

April 27, 2023August 15, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Finance Daily- Rental Properties Pros and Cons by Andy Hill (Part 1)

Optimal Finance Daily- Rental Properties Pros and Cons by Andy Hill (Part 2)

Many people aspire to own rental properties to earn more money and often refer to rental properties as passive income. Here are the facts.

Pros:

Real estate can outperform index funds.
You can grow your income stream more quickly.
House hacking- some people are able to rent a room or area of their homes that covers much of their housing costs.
You can work with a property manager so that you don’t need to field late-night calls of issues.

Cons:

*REAL ESTATE INVESTING IS NOT PASSIVE.* You need to dedicate time to ensure you’re doing it right financially, legally, and ethically.
Taxes and insurance costs can be unpredictable.
Neighborhoods can be unpredictable. A changing neighborhood can make it difficult to lease your property and can change the type of tenants who want to live there.
Leverage requires increased risk. You need to really understand how your money is invested and how your properties are generating income.
Home values can drop in tough times. It’s nearly impossible to predict how the real estate market will move.

Self Care IRL- All the reasons we need to stop saying, “I’m sorry for your loss” + 8 Alternatives

“I’m sorry for your loss.” We see this commented on social media and hear this phrase frequently when a loved one dies. Most people don’t know what else to say, and this phrase is so overused that it can come across as insincere. Here are 8 excellent and genuine alternatives to “I’m sorry for your loss.”

3 things you can say IF YOU ARE WILLING TO HELP/FOLLOW THROUGH:

“I’m so sorry that you’re in pain right now, but I am here with you and for you. I am willing to help in any way I can. Is there anything that you can think of that you need right now?” Tip: be prepared to help if asked. Do not use this if you won’t follow through.

“I know there will be some challenges ahead for you. I want you to know that I’m here and I’m willing to help. Would it be okay if I call next week to check in?” Tip: actually call next week and follow through.

“I know there’s nothing I can say right now to make things better, but also, I know that having someone to talk to at times like this is really important, so if it’s okay, I’ll call you next week when things settle for you.” Tip: actually call next week.

5 things you can say that don’t require you to help or follow through:

“Your mom was an incredible person. I see so much of her in you. I’m keeping you in my thoughts.”

“Your friendship/relationship was so special. I’m saddened by the news. You’re in my thoughts.” The podcast host said this is a great remark for someone you mostly know on social media.

“May God continue to shine a light on the joyful memories you get to hold in your heart.”

“Sending big hugs your way and wishing you peace, joy, and comfort.” The podcast host said this is perfect for online empathy.

Adult Education- Health Disparities with Dr. Lisa Cooper

There are people in America who live on the same street who have very different access to healthcare. It is not just about $; it is about access and systems. This can include access to transportation, access to insurance, and access to networks and facilities covered by insurance.
Some neighborhoods where a lot of people of color live do not have access to supermarkets with many fresh fruits and vegetables, schools in these neighborhoods often don’t have the same investment, and oftentimes there are fewer businesses. These are all examples of possible health disparities.
Health disparities are avoidable differences in health among groups that have different levels of wealth, power, or prestige in society. They are unjust and unfair and can impact rural areas, women, people with disabilities, people in poverty, and minorities.

Stuff You Should Know- How Game Shows Work

The first game show was aired in 1938 Great Britain and was called Spelling Bee. It was an actual spelling bee.
If people are winning more $ than budgeted each episode, sometimes they are presented with lotto options, such as payouts over a number of years instead of all at once.
Bob Barker was a game show host from 1956-2007 (1956-1975 for Truth or Consequences + 1972-2007 for the Price is Right).

In 1991, there were 2 game shows still filming: Price is Right and Family Feud. Wheel of Fortune’s daytime show got the axe. Game shows came close to extinction, as they were replaced with daytime talk shows. The Price is Right and Family Feud never went away.
Game shows are cheap to produce, so you can find them in most countries around the world.
3,000 people try out for Wheel of Fortune every year and only 500 make the cut.
Being on a game show sounds exciting, but 5-6 episodes are usually filmed each day, so there is a lot of standing around (without access to your phone)!

Freakonomics Radio- The Most Interesting Fruit in the World

Something to ponder: In a grocery store, there are a wide variety of apples, almost all of which were grown in the United States. Yet, they are more expensive (per pound) than bananas. This is wild to think about considering that bananas in the United States are all imported and have been grown, picked, boxed, washed, and placed in ripening rooms in another country. Bananas are typically the cheapest fruits around!

In 1900, Americans were eating 1.5 million bunches of bananas per year. By 1910, Americans were eating 40 million bunches of bananas per year!

Sailing as an export mode of transportation was not fast enough to reliably keep bananas from over-ripening. In the 1930s, refrigerated trucks allowed for bulk importation of bananas in the United States.

There are over 1,000 varieties of bananas in the world. The first popular one in the United States was the Gros Michel banana, also known as the “Big Mike” banana. This was the most popular banana until the 1950s, when Panama Disease mostly wiped it out. Panama Disease is a fungus that causes the banana plant to wilt. The Gros Michel variety has been virtually extinct since the 1950s, but this variety is still grown in Uganda.

This is a photo of the Gros Michel variety:

Bananas used to have seeds, but the banana was made seed-free using banana hybrids! The Cavendish banana is a human invention.

After Panama Disease wiped out most of the Gros Michel variety, the most popular banana changed to the Cavendish banana, which is what most of us eat today. Although the Cavendish bananas only account for 50% of global banana production, the Cavendish banana takes up 99% of the banana export market. India is the highest producer of bananas. and Ecuador is the largest exporter of bananas.

Bananas were once advertised as “fruit in a germ-proof wrapper.’

Bananas are the fourth most important crop in the world, behind rice, wheat, and corn! 400 million people rely on bananas as a source of food or a source of income.

Earlier this week, I read “Kicked to the Curb: Where policy has failed our most vulnerable youth and the fight for a better tomorrow” written by Susan Lockwood Roberts. I learned so much and here is a summary of my thoughts.

This book was a very insightful, easy read. The author addressed the problems with the education system, especially in educating incarcerated youth using the same cookie-cutter approach used in the standard education system, yet with less funding. Under-performing youth are viewed as difficult and are often kicked to the curb, resulting in societal costs of unemployment, non-productivity in the workforce, and crime. Teachers often teach the way they were taught, and this does not usually work when teaching incarcerated children. Students who are at risk due to family relationships, aspiring to be a first-generation high school graduate, or poverty likely need relationships in order to succeed and may require a more individualized, targeted approach. The author worked in engaging policy problems and changing methodologies in order for children, teachers, and staff to succeed. Some of these programs included daily adult mentoring, work-based learning experiences, career exploration and goal setting, professional development for teachers so that they can shift the way they do things according to the backgrounds of the students, reforming curriculum and acquiring updated textbooks, and developing methods of engaging students using a variety of instructional strategies. The author acknowledges that progress has been made, but that more needs to be done.

When youth don’t finish high school, the path to a high school credential is through adult education, and adult education programs receive less than 10% of funding going to K-12 and less than 5% of what is spent to support higher education. As a result, fewer than 10% of the people who need adult education services can access them. As a society, we can’t figure out how to invest more money in education, but we don’t know about the $225 billion lost every year to low literacy and numeracy among our citizens. What do we value?

This blog post (https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/your-contribution) made me consider 3 questions we should ask ourselves frequently in our jobs and our lives. Say you want to make progress toward a goal, such as starting a daily habit or training for a marathon. Ask yourself these questions and reflect:

Are you content with your contribution (right now)?
Are you content with what you’re contributing (right now)?
What are you contributing (right now)?

TED Talks- Celeste Headlee- 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation

It used to be that in order to have a polite conversation, we just had to stick to the weather and our health. These days, with climate change and anti-vaxxing, those subjects are not always safe either.

A conversation requires a balance between talking and listening. Conversational competence might be the single most overlooked skill we fail to teach. An important skill is being able to have a coherent and competent conversation.

Don’t multitask. Be fully present.
Don’t pontificate. Enter every conversation assuming you have something to learn. Sometimes that means setting aside your personal opinion. Everyone you will ever meet knows something that you don’t.
Use open-ended questions. Start your questions with who, what, where, when, why, or how. This allows people a chance to think about the question and respond with a genuine response.
Go with the flow. Stories and ideas are going to come to you, but sometimes you need to let them go to fully listen to what the other person is saying.
If you don’t know, say that you don’t know. Talk should not be cheap.
Don’t equate your experience with theirs. All experiences are individual, and it is not always about you.
Try not to repeat yourself. It’s boring and condescending.
Stay out of the weeds. You don’t need to remember and present all of the details.
LISTEN. If your mouth is open, you’re not listening and learning. Listen first to understand, then to reply.
Be brief. Conversations should be short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.

All of this boils down to one sentence: Be interested in other people. Go out, talk to people, listen to people, and be prepared to be amazed.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday- April 20, 2023

April 20, 2023August 15, 2023 amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Self Improvement Daily- Earn Respect, Not Validation

Our interest to prioritize and maintain strong social connections is fundamental to our success as a species, and in order to appease our ego, we seek validation, approval, and acknowledgement from others as a means to confirm our importance. This may cause us to do things that aren’t in alignment with who we want to be because we need quick access to the validating spike of feeling important.

What we’re actually searching for, that leaves a deeper and lasting impression, is other people’s respect. This goes beyond what you do and into who you are– your character and your values. This is more difficult to earn, and in a society that is addicted to immediate gratification, sometimes people don’t even have the patience to get there.

Ted Talks Daily- 4 ways to make hybrid work better for everyone

I was surprised to learn that, using surveys, polls, and meta-analyses, over 70% of employees in most global surveys want a mix of in-person and remote formats moving forward.

Many employers unexpectedly moved to a remote or hybrid format during the COVID-19 pandemic. Many also haven’t put much thought into a plan. Some employers want employees in the office a certain number of days each week, but don’t care when. Others haven’t set expectations. Others have clear expectations about when employees need to be in the office. Here are 4 ways to make hybrid work better for everyone:

Coordinate anchor days — days you and those you collaborate with are in the office on the same day.
Plan spontaneity. Set aside 6-7 minutes of online meetings to chat informally about something other than work. Consider happy hours, trivia challenges, or lunches or coffee with coworkers.
Match digital tools with communication objectives. Sometimes e-mails, IMs, and phone calls won’t cut it. Use video calls for conversations when needed.
Consistency between hybrid policies and attitudes is the only way to build a hybrid culture for everyone. If you want your employees to come in a certain number of days, assign days or make that expectation clear. If there aren’t any clear expectations and people don’t come in the same number of days, nobody should be made to feel guilty for not coming in as often as others.

Optimal Finance Daily- Budgeting Tips: 10 Ways to Lower Your Life’s Fixed Costs by Joshua Becker

Buy or rent a smaller home. Housing costs generally take up the largest percentage of a person’s expenses.
Avoid car payments.
Double-check recurring expenses and cancel any you no longer need or use.
Research insurance costs. Double-check your premiums and compare other options.
Take your lunch to work.
Pay off your credit card debt. Interest payments are like flushing dollars down the drain. We don’t receive anything for them.
Stop upgrading your phone just because you are eligible.
Cut utility bills at home. Get a programmable thermostat, lower the temperature on your water heater, unplug unused electronics, cut cable, or seal your home better for cold and heat.
Research childcare options in your area. Sometimes new childcare centers are much less expensive than the one your child or children is currently enrolled in.
Ditch the storage unit. If your storage unit is simply storing stuff because you own too much stuff, get rid of it. Stop paying money to keep stuff you don’t need.

Curious Kid Podcast- Curious About Prosthetics

https://www.bakersfield.com/news/health/15-interesting-facts-about-prosthetics/article_fd58fef4-a590-5067-8d3e-6463e5374126.html

The word “prosthetic” is Greek. When translated to English, it means “addition.” A prosthetic is a device that provides support in place of the body part so that people can perform day-to-day functions.

In ancient Rome, there are accounts of warriors who used prosthetics made of iron and wood to make artificial arms and legs.
Thousands of years ago, prosthetics were cosmetic.
During the French Renaissance, prosthetics became functional and included harnesses and knee lock controls, as well as softer materials.
Limb loss can be caused by a disease or cancer that impacted that body part, a car accident, or being born without a body part.
Prosthetics are made according to what body part is missing. How it looks and how it is made is dependent on the person and body part. Generally, measurements are taken and a cast is made. A mold is made to specifications. It is shaped to be comfortable for the patient. Most prosthetics are constructed with lightweight carbon fiber, aluminum, and titanium components.

Nearly 75 percent of amputations are caused by diabetes and cardiovascular complication. The most common type of amputation is a below-knee amputation.

The average prosthetic lasts *only* three to five years!

Most amputees wear a stump shrinker, which is a compression sock that keeps the limb from swelling when the prosthesis is not on their limb. Most amputees wear a silicone gel liner that helps to cushion and protect the limb during walking.

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/best-price-guaranteed

Best Price. Guaranteed.

But what does best mean?

Lowest?

Most efficient?

Most satisfaction?

Most bang for the buck?

The price most people would enjoy?

Since ‘best’ isn’t defined, the guarantee is also meaningless.”
Gabe the Bass Player at gabethebassplayer.com

The Economics of Everyday Things- Gas Stations

In the U.S., Americans use 374 million gallons of gas every day!

Gas is cheap in the U.S. relative to other countries. Considering the amount we use, though, every penny counts.

We often blame politicians and oil executives, but the easiest target is the gas station owner. There are 145,000 gas stations in the U.S. 8 out of 10 are independently owned and operated. They pay oil companies for the right to use their branding and gas. Many come from other countries.

50-60% of cost of gas is from the cost of crude oil. $4.00 cost of one gallon of gas= $2 cost of crude, 70 cents to refine it, 40 cents to move it from refinery to gas station, 50 cents for federal/state/local taxes. For a $4.00 gallon of gas it costs about $3.60 to get it to the pump. Gas station owners make about 30-40 cents out of every gallon they sell, which has to cover maintenance, electric bill, rent, liability, etc. In the end, they are averaging 7 cents per gallon of profit.
Gas stations have a daily profit of about $300 after all expenses.
Gas stations regularly face competition with other area gas stations.
Station owners usually buy a few days of gas at a time and store it in underground tanks, but the price of wholesale gas changes every 24 hours. As a station owner, you can lower your prices and lose money or keep a little profit margin and watch your customers go to another station.
When crude prices go up, station owners are slow to pass on the extra cost to us at the pump, but when they fall, they don’t set the prices lower right away either. When gas prices increase, tight margin on gas gets squeezed even further, people buy less gas, and people also buy less inside the store. Higher gas prices also result in more theft.

Gas isn’t a big money maker. The bulk of a gas station owner’s income comes from selling food, where they have an average 33% gross profit inside the store.

Healthier Together- How to Know if You Should Have Kids + Debunking Myths About Parenthood

I don’t have kids (yet), so this was an interesting podcast with different perspectives and insights!

Many people ask “Are you going to have KIDS?” One point the podcast host made is “How will you know whether you want to have KIDS (plural)? Should I have KID? Then you can decide whether you should have KIDS.”

The most surprising point I learned on this podcast is that the ideal age to become a parent is said to be 38 or 39! This provides time to enjoy two adulthoods: 18-38 can be spent traveling, establishing your relationship with your partner, establishing your career, etc. Another adulthood starts when having kids at 38 or 39. This also results in having wisdom, perspective, and better finances, and, if you live long and are healthy, your kids can still care for you when you are old.

Many people have kids earlier due to societal or family pressure or the fear of infertility. If you have concerns about fertility with waiting, check with your doctor about fertility tests and risks. This makes more sense than having kids earlier simply due to this sometimes-unreasonable fear. Some fertility treatments are covered by insurance or are available through grants.

If you are concerned about finances, you can save money through hand-me-downs, secondhand retail, community or church groups, and neighborhood exchanges. You can also do a childcare exchange with friends.

Our society says we value children, but we do not put the $ or attention there. Many employers do not offer paid maternity or paternity leave, resources, or flexibility for childcare, etc.

You may never feel 100% confident in your decision to have kids. That’s okay. 60/40 confident is enough. It isn’t about baby or no baby. If you are postponing or thinking about not having kids, ask yourself if there’s anything you haven’t done yet in life that needs to happen. We will have some disappointments. Ask yourself “What hasn’t happened yet that I want to happen between now and when I die?” It’s about thinking about what is important to you that hasn’t happened yet and how you will fit that in. Be able to name those things and think about, if you actually have extra time and $, are you really going to do those things?

If you are afraid to bring a child into this world, know that people were also worried in the 80s and other decades. There have always been big issues dominating our consciousness and people still chose to have children and have not regretted it. There is always going to be some concern or worldly issue.

There is a lot of stress involved in raising kids, but the major factor is whether the child was planned or an accident and whether the parents had a close, high-quality relationship before having a child. Once kids are grown, parents rave about being parents.

There are many ways of finding life satisfaction and meaning even without having kids. Many parents do say that having kids has brought the most happiness in their lives, but that does not mean that you need to have kids to be happy. Volunteering, hobbies, career fulfillment, being a coach, and many other things can also bring meaning and happiness.

You can get to know your partner better than ever before just by thinking and talking this topic through. It’s not just “yes” or “no.” What are your fears? What do you want your life to look like? How will you share in the responsibilities? What is important to you?

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Tag: #gabethebassplayer

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