Tag: #communicationskills

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – August 1, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Living Daily – How to Find Meaning in Life: 7 Steps to a More Fulfilling Existence
  • Define what it is that you want in life. What are your goals and aspirations? What brings you happiness and fulfillment? Be clear about what you want.
  • Connect with others and build meaningful relationships. When you have close relationships with other people, they can provide a sense of connection and purpose. Get involved in activities that bring you together with other people, such as clubs, groups, or social events.
  • Find your passion and do what you love every day. What are you interested in and what do you love doing? When you’re passionate about something, it brings a sense of joy and excitement into your life. You’ll be more motivated to pursue these interests, and you’ll feel more fulfilled when you’re doing them. Explore different activities and interests and see which ones make you feel the most alive.
  • Serve others and make a difference in the world. Helping others can give your life purpose and meaning. You’ll feel more connected to something larger than yourself, and you’ll have a sense of satisfaction from knowing that you’re making a positive impact in the world.
  • Live in the present moment and appreciate the here and now. When you’re constantly living in the past or future, you miss out on all the beauty that exists in the present.
  • Be accepting of change and understand that things will not always go according to plan. When you’re constantly expecting things to stay the same, it can lead to disappointment and frustration. When you accept change and understand that it’s a normal part of life, you’ll be more prepared for when things don’t go as expected.
  • Be your most authentic self. When you’re being genuine and true to yourself, it helps you connect more with others and build meaningful relationships. It allows you to live a more fulfilling life since you’re not pretending to be someone that you’re not.
The Jordan Harbinger Show – Sovereign Citizens – Skeptical Sunday
  • Sovereign citizens are people who don’t acknowledge the legitimacy of the United States government – don’t pay taxes, don’t have IDs, don’t register their cars, or acknowledge zip codes
  • They don’t believe the police or the courts have jurisdiction over them. They are not subject to the laws of the United States of America.
  • They represent themselves in legal matters and use pseudo legalese.
  • The roots of the movement grew out of White Nationalism. The modern sovereign citizen movement has an African American branch, the Moorish Sovereign Citizens.
  • Some sovereign citizens believe there are two classes of citizens within the United States: sovereign (original) citizens and federal (U.S.) citizens. Sovereign citizens have all of the rights of the Constitution but federal citizens don’t. Federal citizens voluntarily surrendered their freedom in exchange for benefits from the U.S. Government. Sovereign citizens renounce federal citizenship and reclaim the rights as common law citizens.
  • Sovereign citizen arguments have no basis in law and have never been successful in court.
  • Sovereign citizens believe that you are not the person on your birth certificate. The birth certificate is its own entity. A birth certificate is ALL CAPS, a separate entity. They insist that the corporation that is the U.S. Government uses citizens as collateral to the Federal Reserve.
  • Sovereign citizens believe that as long as they don’t travel for commerce or cross state lines, they don’t need a license or registration. They will paint private use on their vehicles and issue themselves license plates.
  • Gurus sell sovereign citizen ideology. They appeal to desperate people, such as people in foreclosure or debt.
  • Gurus sell diplomatic immunity cards. If they create their own country and issue themselves cards that say diplomatic immunity, they believe they will have diplomatic immunity. Gurus also sell how-to books and membership cards. They are really just selling hope.
  • They believe that not only are you out of debt because your birth certificate is the one who owes the debt, not you, but that there is a bunch of money waiting for you somewhere. The corporations masquerading as our country owe you money.
  • Straw man account is the bank account attached to the corporate entity on your birth certificate (ALL CAPS) and this bank account is overflowing with cash – known as redemption. According to the sovereigns, the government set up secret bank accounts in our birth certificate names. They believe that with the magic words and forms, you can access it.
  • In 2016, the IRS discovered a sovereign citizen straw man scheme but only after issuing more than $43 million to sneaky sovereigns.
  • Bond process – by submitting the right set of papers, sovereign citizens believe they can wipe out their mortgage, tax bills, and student loans. Many people find themselves in the sovereign citizen movement through financial desperation.
  • There are between 200,000-300,000 people who consider themselves sovereign citizens.
  • The courts often reject sovereign citizen arguments without much explanation. No sovereign citizen has ever successfully argued their points in a court of law.
The Personal Finance Podcast – How Much Should You Spend on a Family Vacation?

This episode really surprised me. It suggested that people should aim to spend 5-10% of their net income on vacations (without going into debt). I definitely spend much less than that and instead have prioritized saving for retirement and short-term needs. I am curious to hear your thoughts about this!

  • You should never go into debt for a vacation.
  • Know your NET monthly income and monthly expenses. Know how much debt you have.
  • Have your emergency fund fully funded. 3-6 months of expenses
  • Be on track to hit your retirement goals. Investing your dollars is the only way to prepare for retirement.
  • Look at your short-term goals. Prioritize those goals.
  • Calculate your disposable income. Determine if there are any savings earmarked for vacation. Put savings in a high-yield savings account.
  • Automate savings using discretionary income – example: 5-10%
  • Once you build wealth, you may be able to spend 20-30% of your income on vacations.
  • By income:
    • $40k: 5% of net income – $2k per year on vacations/ 10%: $4k per year on vacations (will need to travel hack)
    • $60k net: 5%: $3k per year on vacations/ 10%: $6k per year on vacations (travel hack or side hustle)
    • $80k net: 5%: $4k per year/ 10%: $8k per year on vacations
    • $100k net: 5%: $5k per year/ 10%: $10k per year on vacations
  • Look for ways to increase your salary, get a side hustle, or learn to travel hack.

This post from Gabe the Bass Player stood out to me this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/chances-to-connect


Chances To Connect

July 31, 2024

“If you are looking for chances to connect you will find them all over the place.

You’ll probably have to go first. It might be a little weird. It will be scary. You might not get the response you’re hoping for. You might over share. You might ask the wrong question. Your effort might not get reciprocated.

But it beats the alternative…

If you’re not looking for chances to connect, the depth of your relationships and your relational maturity are at the mercy of others’ initiative…and your indifference.“

This was a great post from Seth’s Blog this week:

“It seems…”

“It seems…”

“What a simple verb. A five-letter modifier that opens the door to discussion.

If we state something as a fact, we’re asking for an argument.

But seems opens the door to learning and discussion.

What are you seeing that I’m not seeing?”

Often times we fail to see or consider other perspectives. We state something as fact, argue with others, and put the blame on others. We tell ourselves stories and accept them as truth. We forget that our feelings and thoughts are not facts. One phrase I’ve learned in therapy is “The story I tell myself is…” This phrase has been really helpful. Rather than put blame on others, verbally attack others, or believe my thoughts are truth, I put my thoughts out there with that phrase – and I have noticed that sometimes my perspective was wrong. I assumed incorrect intentions, didn’t have all of the context, etc. What story are you telling yourself?

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – February 8, 2024

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Life Kit – 5 simple ways to minimize stress
  • Set a MOST goal:
    • Motivating
    • Objective and measurable
    • Small
    • Timely- something you can accomplish in months.
  • Is there something you can look forward to when you make that change and are feeling less overwhelmed? What matters to you most?
  • Small changes: pack lunch the night before, take a walk during lunch, etc.
  • Change your relationship with technology. On average, people spend more than four hours on their phone each day! Many people scroll on their phones as soon as they wake up.
  • Popcorn brain – the urge to constantly bounce from task to task while we are online
  • The pace of life offline is much slower than the online one and needs more time and attention. Set boundaries with your phone. Limit scrolling to twenty minutes per day, disable push notifications, and resist the urge to grab your phone by keeping your phone a distance away.
  • Tap into your mind/body connection to lower stress. Your mind and your body are in constant communication and are linked. Do regular deep breathing exercises. Stop, breathe, and be. Daily movement can help your brain and body. Not enough movement/no movement is bad for the brain and body. Find ways to sit less and move more.
  • Do tasks one at a time and take regular work breaks. Time block.
  • Quiet your inner critic. Your inner critic has a megaphone during periods of stress. Practice daily gratitude journaling. Work on cognitive reframing.
The Unf*ck Your Fitness Podcast – 6 Fitness Habits That Are Holding You Back
  • Overtraining – unless you are training for a bodybuilding/physique competition or a certain race or event, you do not need to be training more than five days each week. Working out too much can go against your body.
  • Undertraining – if you don’t have a specific plan or goal in mind, you may be undertraining. Aim to hit each muscle group 1 or 2 times per week.
  • Cardio – cardio is not bad. You will not tone your entire body by doing cardio. Cardio can lead to being worried about calories burned.
  • Worrying about calories burned – if you’re worried about the calories burned, you will do more cardio. You need to do strength training. The amount of calories you burn in a workout has nothing to do with the effectiveness of a workout.
  • Being afraid of lifting weights – you will not look manly or bulky. Start out slowly. Add in three days of weightlifting. The only way you can build muscle consistently and have the body you want is to apply progressive overload and make it harder for your muscles to work. Increase the difficulty of your workouts by increasing weights, increasing reps, or decreasing your rest time. Your last rep should be difficult.
  • Not resting – if you are not taking rest days, you will not see results. The only time your muscles can grow is when you are at rest. Your muscles grow as they repair themselves and build when you are resting. You can do yoga, stretch, or go for a walk on rest days. Give yourself rest from lifting weights.
Self Improvement Daily – The Communication Model

“The communication model breaks down the content of our statements into 4 categories: Facts, opinions, feelings, and wants. The idea is that when you directly address all 4 of these things in communication, it makes your message clear and fully understood.

First are the facts. This is what actually happened with no emotional connection, and no assumptions. You know something is a fact when it’s impossible to disagree with. When you start by stating the facts, it creates a neutral ground and firm foundation.

Next comes opinions. This is when you state your perspective or frame of reference. This is an elaboration on the facts and how you’re interpreting it. Note that your interpretation is not factual itself; it’s simply your biased judgment of the facts. When you express your opinions with that level of awareness, people are more likely to listen and see where you’re coming from.

Then we get to feelings. This is the specific emotion that your opinion, interpretation, or judgment caused within you. When you communicate how you’re feeling about everything, it removes any blame or fault. This reduces the threat and allows people into your world so that they know how you have been impacted.

And last, we get to ‘wants’. This is your opportunity to talk about what you’d like to happen next. When teed up correctly, your ‘wants’ don’t come off as so selfish because you’ve explained the context, and your request is more reasonable.

In a practical example, this is how a manager might speak to an employee:

Fact – The deadline was yesterday and I did not receive the completed project

Opinion – To me this means that either you have too much on your plate, or you’re not being efficient with your work

Feelings – This makes me worried because we have a lot riding on servicing this client

Wants – In the future, I want you to meet your deadlines but if you know you’re going to miss it, give me 24 hours’ notice so that I can plan accordingly.

Doesn’t that feel effective, fair, and solution oriented? The next time you find yourself miscommunicating with someone else, take a step back and make sure all 4 elements of the communications model are being addressed! It will make things clear, smooth, and understandable.”

How I Built This with Guy Raz – Liquid Death: Mike Cessario
  • There are over 80 brands of bottled water in the United States.
  • Mike Cessario had no experience in water, but he had almost two decades of experience in advertising. He knew that if he tried something totally outlandish, it might just work. Seven years later, Liquid Death sells more than $100 million of water each year.
  • Liquid Death is water in a tall aluminum can that looks like an energy drink.
  • Before Liquid Death was an actual product, it was just an ad on social media that was used as a test.
  • Mike attended the Warped Tour and hung out with bands who were seemingly drinking cans of Monster energy drinks, but in small font, the cans were labeled “tour water.” Since Monster was their sponsor, they created water for the bands that looked just like their product they wanted to promote.
  •  Mike’s goal was to create a water brand that looks like an energy drink and it was all about making fun of the fact that this is what people actually drink (such as at Warped Tour).
  • The original idea for a tallboy can was that it looks like something like a beer or energy drink that feels fun, but what’s inside is really good for you.
  • Mike also wanted a can because aluminum is a better alternative to plastic.
  • Bottled water is typically bottled at the source. It was challenging to find a manufacturer for his canned water.
  • No money for marketing – wanted to create something people would naturally share on social media – wanted to come up with the dumbest or craziest idea – Liquid Death was an odd name people would be drawn to and want to share.
  • Mike chose a German black letter font that was used on beer cans.
  • Mike started an Indiegogo fundraiser trying to raise $150k featuring a video of a woman pouring out Liquid Death – trying to position water as extreme and causing death – kills surfers, avalanches, etc. The Indiegogo was not successful and only raised $1,500. After that, Mike made posts on social media over the course of four months and the video had almost 3 million views and the page had about 60k followers, despite not having any product to sell!
  • The ad campaign was started before he had a product! In 2018, he had a Facebook page with several followers, a video with millions of views, a 7-11 franchisee from Michigan wanting it in his three stores, and the biggest non-alcoholic distributor in New York wanting to talk to a sales rep about the product.
  • Many people told Mike his product was impossible in the United States. Mike found a place in Austria that had canning capabilities, but he still needed the capital.
  • Mike says the branding is more important to him than the taste. People buy things that have the same functionality as other items, but are loyal to a brand and are willing to pay more for it. Mike said the source mattered to people, but that’s enough to make people feel that it’s a premium product.
  • Some people find the brand appealing and want to try it instead of trying an energy drink or a different brand of water.
  • Mike wanted to use Amazon to ship and fulfill the product. Amazon charges you a fee for every case that they ship and fulfill, so he had to charge $20 for a 12 pack in the beginning to make any money because the shipping costs were so expensive.
  • Amazon was originally selling a 12-pack for $20 due to shipping, but then Whole Foods sold it for $14.99 for a 12-pack since shipping wasn’t required.
  • Spring of 2021 – container ship blocked the Suez canal and started a chain reaction of ocean freight costs increasing by 5x. Mid-way through 2022, it went up again. They decided to move to co-packing in the United States in western Virginia.
  • By 2021, Mike raised a series-C with over a 500 million dollar valuation!
  • In 2021, Liquid Death did $45 million in gross revenue, which is small for a beverage company.
  • Smart Water (plastic bottles of municipal tap water) sells over $1 billion each year.
  • Coca Cola, the biggest company in the world with all of the resources and shelf space, tried to take share in the energy company by creating Coke Energy. The experiment lasted two years and was a massive failure, and it shows that giant companies are bad at creating brands.
  • If the brand was only about water in aluminum cans, Coca Cola could make the product much cheaper. That’s why Liquid Death has always led with the brand and what they can own first: funny, irreverent brand making people laugh, murder your thirst… forget the plastic was always the second focus, as they knew they couldn’t own aluminum cans as a brand.
  • 2024- predicting well over $100 million in revenue this year
  • What makes this brand sustainable in the long run? What makes it have staying power? Internet and technology makes it so that brands don’t often last 50 years. In five years, you could be a brand doing billions of dollars in sales.
  • Mike says luck was involved in his success, but his previous experiences helped him make the right decisions. He says the brand is a true reflection of himself.

I haven’t tried Liquid Death yet, but it was fascinating learning about the brand!

I really enjoyed this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/scary-thoughts

Scary Thoughts

February 6, 2024

So far you’ve survived every scary thought you’ve ever had.

That’s a pretty good track record.

Let that inform you the next time the thoughts come back.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations that Matter

amybenoit

“We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations that Matter” was written by Celeste Headlee, a public radio host, and based on the wildly popular TED Talk with more than 10 million views. This book contained strategies for effective communication. Here are some of my favorite takeaways.

Our reliance on screens for communication is detracting and distracting from our engagement in real-time talk.

When communicating, explain what you want and what you expect and be honest. You first have to know what you want before you can express those expectations to someone else. Example: Are you looking to vent or to receive advice?

5 key strategies for a productive conversation:

  • Be curious. Assume that everyone has something to teach you. You already know what’s inside your own head. Open yourself to the surprise and discovery inherent in someone else’s perspective.
  • Check your bias. Consider how your thinking might be impacted if you’d been exposed to the same experiences.
  • Show respect. Listen to understand, not to endorse.
  • Stay the course. If a taboo topic comes up, don’t try to change the subject. Try to avoid getting frustrated and walking away. If you have nothing to say, just listen.
  • End well. Accept that you may not reach an agreement and that disagreement is okay.

Apologize. Apologizing acknowledges someone’s anger or sadness and validates feelings, drops their defensive posture and makes you no longer a threat, and prepares their brain to forgive.

Be there or go elsewhere. You must fully commit to a conversation or walk away. If you’re too distracted, admit that to both yourself and the other person. Be present or be gone. Don’t build your responses during your partner’s turn. Listen, be present, and put away your phone! Conversations require patience and focus.

The most effective method for learning to be present in conversation is meditation. Mindfulness meditation teaches you how to be aware of your body, your breathing, and your thoughts.

Think of conversations as a game of catch. ⚾️ Instead of shifting the conversation back to yourself, ask support questions that start with *who, what, where, when, why, and how.* Open-ended questions transfer control to the person responding.

Any time you enter a conversation, and especially when you are about to talk with someone who holds different beliefs than your own, ask yourself: What do you hope to get out of this exchange? What would you like to have happen at the end and how would you like to walk away from the other person? You can’t control what they take away from the conversation, but you can control what you get out of it.

Remember that everyone has something to teach you. Enter every conversation assuming you have something to learn.🧠

Research shows that when we repeat something multiple times, it increases our chances of remembering it, but the benefit isn’t shared with the person listening. In fact, people are more likely to tune out after the first time you repeat something.

Just because someone doesn’t say “Yes, I hear and understand what you’re saying” doesn’t mean that he or she didn’t hear or understand you.

If you don’t know something, say “I don’t know.” These three words can strengthen the bond between you and another person and are a gateway to further exploration and growth.

Be aware of how you communicate. Don’t get into the weeds and give unnecessary details. Determine what information is essential and what is not. Don’t allow your random thoughts to derail the conversation.

4 ways to increase empathy: active listening, sharing in other people’s joys, looking for commonalities with others, and paying attention to faces.

The best way to understand people is to listen to them. Seek first to understand, then to respond.

This book was very informational and served as both a guide for new tips and gentle reminders for effective communication!

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday – November 2, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

SHE with Jordan Lee Dooley – A Candid Conversation About Foster Care and Adoption
  • Adoption is often perceived as a last resort only for those struggling with infertility. Adoption can be Plan A for you!
  • Adoption is a calling. It is not an obligatory ministry for the infertile.
  • Open adoption was discussed. In open adoption, you can keep in touch with the biological parent(s). Some view this as “not trying to erase the relationship with the biological parents.”

Misconceptions about adoption:

  • People saying “Congratulations” on adoption.
    • It is well-intended, but also shattering having someone else’s child not being held by her. It is better to acknowledge the emotions by saying “This is heavy. How are you doing?” “How’s mom doing? I can only imagine how hard this is for her.”
  • “I could never do that because I’d get too attached, I can never do that because of xyz, etc.”
    • We prioritize our comfort. Instead of saying “I could never…”, ask what you can do to help. Put yourself into the role to understand their story.
  • “He/she/they are so lucky to have you.”
    • Adoption is not “rescuing.” We don’t adopt because we are rescuers; we adopt because we are rescued. We are the blessed ones. Stating “they are so lucky to have you” discredits the reality that there is a trauma, separation, and grief that happens. What would the child think if he/she heard that statement?
  • The people outside the realm of foster care and adoption don’t understand that there are so many emotions. We are often told to focus on the positive, but there are so many emotions.
  • You don’t need to share your adopted child’s story. Their story deserves to be protected until they are ready to tell it. When you are sharing your experience, ensure you are only sharing your experience. Protect and guard the things that are not your experience and are not yours to share. Don’t share at your child’s expense.

Further reading recommended in this podcast:

  • “The boy who was raised as a dog”
  • “The body keeps the score”
  • “The A to Z of trauma”
  • “The Primal Wound”
How to Be Awesome at Your Job – Mastering the Four Conversations that Transform all Your Interactions
  • Storytelling – your stories are not the truth.
  • Collaboration – seek to understand and ask questions. Absorb other perspectives.
  • Creative – trust your intuition and co-create with others.
  • Commitment – action conversation – agree to do something together.
  • Become aware that your stories aren’t the truth. Become aware of how you’re presenting yourself and how you’re presenting your stories. We all have patterns around judging, being perfectionists, and being critical of how others do things. Instead of a reaction or pattern of defensiveness, we can change that. If we believe we have the answer and we are right, we are telling the story with a closed fist. Emotions and desires are often the root of our story. Standards – investigate the source of your standards and consider whether you want to keep them. Ex: men being taught not to show their emotions

In the past week, I have faced some challenging circumstances in various areas of my life, and I was feeling stressed and sad about the uncertainties. This carried over into my work life and I had formed a thought/perception about something and later used other observations to strengthen that narrative I had. After a conversation, I recognized that my thoughts are not facts and that my emotions from my other circumstances influenced my thoughts. In reality, once we form a perception about something, we often try to find anything we can to fit that narrative, no matter how unreasonable it may be.

  • When we work with different people, everyone has different stories/perspectives. The fundamental pattern is that when we enter into conversation, we enter in defensively because we want our answer to be right. The real art of the collaborative conversation is learning to not give up your position, but to keep an open mind and invite others to do the same.
  • Ask questions to better understand other perspectives rather than asking questions with the intent to prove them wrong.  The best place to start is to state what you know to be factual. Figure out if you agree on the state of things and then ask each other questions about thoughts.
  • Judgment shuts things down – saying things like “that will never work.”
  • Useful phrase: “Help me understand your position.”
  • Unhelpful phrases/actions: Not asking questions or saying “yes, but I think…” Work on being a learner instead of a knower.
  • We like to tell our stories and we like to take action. We leap from storytelling to action and bypass collaboration and creative conversations. The bypass can cause us to make bad decisions. A good commitment conversation means both sides understand what’s being asked, what’s being promised, and what success looks like.
  • Be curious about your pattern and how to change that pattern.
Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin – 7 Boundary Mistakes That Damage Relationships
  • Setting a boundary can be the kindest thing you can do to yourself and others.
  • A boundary is a rule that you set about how you’re going to allow other people to treat you. You’re really setting the rule for yourself. There are different kinds of boundaries: physical, emotional, financial, etc. Boundaries teach other people how you expect to be treated.

Mistakes:

  • not setting boundaries in the first place
    • Sometimes it doesn’t occur to people to set boundaries because they don’t want to be mean or selfish. They don’t set boundaries because they don’t want to damage a relationship. If you don’t set a boundary, the other person has to guess what you’re okay with, and when they guess wrong, you might feel uncomfortable or grow resentful of their behavior. A boundary will help you feel better in the long term.
  • apologizing for your boundaries
    • Don’t be sorry for taking care of yourself. Setting a boundary is a nice thing to do and you are modeling how to take care of yourself. Instead of apologizing, say thank you instead. Instead of “I’m sorry I have to leave right now” say “Thank you for inviting me. I appreciate it.” Unapologetically insist that you’re worth it.
  • automatically announcing your boundaries
    • It’s true in some respects, but you don’t always have to communicate them with your words. Instead, you can show people your boundaries. Ex: don’t need to answer the phone every time it rings if it is inconvenient for you, don’t need to stay at a party if people are drinking too much
  • using boundaries to try to control someone else
    • Boundaries are meant to help you manage your life, not to control somebody else’s. If you are going to set a boundary, make sure it’s about protecting your inner peace, not about forcing someone else to change.
  • being too rigid with your boundaries
    • It’s important to have boundaries, but having too many boundaries or sticking to them at all costs isn’t healthy either. Healthy relationships need compassion, empathy, and compromise. Your boundaries can be flexible sometimes; there may be exceptions to the rule. Don’t be so rigid about them that they become detrimental to you.
  • setting boundaries when you feel really emotional
    • When your emotions are high (if you’re angry or anxious), don’t set a boundary. Wait until you’re calm. Boundaries are rarely an emergency; you can usually wait to set them until you’re calm.
  • setting a boundary that you can’t uphold
    • Don’t set a boundary you aren’t emotionally ready to uphold. Start with a boundary you’re ready to enforce. Most boundaries can be taken one small step at a time if you aren’t emotionally ready to enforce a bigger one.
Our Daily Bread Podcast – Smartphone Compassion

“Was the driver late with your food? You can use your phone to give him a one-star rating. Did the shopkeeper treat you curtly? You can write her a critical review. While smartphones enable us to shop, keep up with friends, and more, they have also given us the power to publicly rate each other. And this can be a problem.

Rating each other this way is problematic because judgments can be made without context. The driver gets rated poorly for a late delivery due to circumstances out of his control. The shopkeeper gets a negative review when she’d been up all night with a sick child. How can we avoid rating others unfairly like this?

By imitating God’s character. In Exodus 34:6–7, God describes Himself as “compassionate and gracious”—meaning He wouldn’t judge our failures without context; “slow to anger”—meaning He wouldn’t post a negative review after one bad experience; “abounding in love”—meaning His correctives are for our good, not to get revenge; and “forgiving [of] sin”—meaning our lives don’t have to be defined by our one-star days. Since God’s character is to be the basis of ours (Matthew 6:33), we can avoid the harshness smartphones enable by using ours as He would.

In the online age, we can all rate others harshly. May the Holy Spirit empower us to bring a little compassion today.”

This podcast was a great reminder to treat others with compassion and to not be so quick to judgment.

While reading a book comprising of legal-based short stories in the past week, I learned about viatical settlements, which are an interesting concept.

Viatical settlements involve selling a life insurance policy to investors so that they get the death benefit when you die, and you get a check right now. These are generally done when someone has a terminal illness and a life expectancy of two years or less. This is certainly an interesting concept and I am unsure what I think of it.

This week I also read “101 Things I Learned in Law School” written by Vibeke Norgaard Martin with Matthew Frederick. This book was very interesting and I will post about it in more depth in a separate post at some point. Here are some of the most interesting facts:

  • A marijuana-related business may not declare bankruptcy. Cannabis cultivation and sale are permitted by some states but are prohibited by federal law, while bankruptcy proceedings are governed by federal law. The federal bankruptcy courts will not allow a cannabis-related business to use its process.
  • Unpublished court decisions generally cannot be used as a basis for argument in the same jurisdiction. In arguing before a California court, one may cite an unpublished case from Texas, but not an unpublished case from California.
  • A supreme court might be the lowest court. In New York, the highest court is the Court of Appeals, while the lowest court is the Supreme Court.
  • A career in law is continual preparation for a day that may never come. Over 90% of cases are resolved prior to trial.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday- May 18, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Optimal Health Daily- 5 Small Habits For Big Changes in Fat Loss by Lea Genders

Prioritize protein/veggies at each meal. Protein helps you maintain muscle and protein and fiber from veggies help you feel full. Focus on what you can add to your meals to make them healthier rather than what you have to take away.

Eat slow and mindfully. When you gobble down your food quickly, you don’t give your stomach enough time to send the signal to your brain that it’s full. Pay attention to fullness signals and stop eating when you’re full.

Walk fast. Walk with purpose, bring a dog, or start a power walking routine.

Prioritize sleep. Create a sleep routine and aim for 7-8 hours of sleep each night.

Replace all drinks with water. If you replace all soda, juice, energy drinks, and sugar-filled drinks with water, you’ll cut hundreds of empty calories each day. You can use some sugar-free flavoring packets to encourage you to drink more water. I love True Lemon packets, available in a variety of flavors at 0-10 calories each and 0-1 gram of sugar each. This might seem like a lot, but it’s a much better alternative to sugar-laden drinks.

Self Improvement Daily- HALT Before You Communicate

Often times we say things we don’t mean, that we’ll later regret, and wonder why we even said them in the first place. We wonder what caused us to not have the self-control needed in those situations. It’s usually a matter of feeling emotional. Our emotions often take precedence over logical reasoning.

Before you communicate, especially when you’re feeling impulsive, HALT. Pause. Take a moment to think about how you’re feeling. In particular, reflect on these four things:

  • Hungry?
  • Angry?
  • Lonely?
  • Tired?

When you’re feeling any of these things, you’re more likely to say things you don’t mean because your mind is fixated on these specific needs. By calling out these emotions, you give your logical mind the information it needs to make the right decision.

TED Talks Daily- TikTok’s CEO on its future — and what makes its algorithm different – Shou Chew
  • I discovered TikTok in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, and I have learned many things and spent countless hours on the app. One unique thing I realized right away about TikTok is that it gives people a platform to reach a larger audience than other social media apps.
  • The mission of TikTok is to inspire creativity and bring joy. The vision is to provide a window to discover, give them a canvas to create, and provide bridges for people to connect.
  • Per Shou Chew, the CEO: “What makes TikTok unique is the whole discovery engine behind it. We are showing people what they like. We have given the everyday person a platform to be discovered.”
  • The biggest creator, Khaby Lame, in TikTok didn’t even speak in any of his videos in the beginning. Lame is famous for his comic expressions and deadpan reactions to overstylized TikToks. Today he has 158 million followers on the platform. As long as you have talent, you have the chance to succeed.
  • TikTok has given many people a voice that they would otherwise not have. Other platforms basically made the chances of getting discovered very low. You almost had to be famous to get followers.
  • With TikTok, if you post something that’s not interesting to a lot of people, you aren’t going to get the virality you want. You need to have a message that resonates with people, and you will generate virality.
  • Recommendation algorithm- shows you what others are interested in who liked the same videos as you. Vision= window to discover. People find communities because of the content that they are posting.
  • Other apps are built for a different original purpose.
  • In order to fulfill its mission of discovery, showing users a diversity of content is essential.
  • TikTok has created a platform for people who never thought they would be a content creator. Has given them an audience. STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) content has over 160 billion views.
  • User guidelines: no pornography, child sexual abuse material, no violence. Users under 18 years old experience a more restricted app and can’t use the livestream experience. Users under 16 can’t instant message or go viral. A big part of the age guideline is based on the age the user reports when signing up.
  • TikTok’s goal is NOT to optimize and maximize time spent on the platform. Minors= 60 minute recommendation. TikTok has given parents tools to limit childrens’ time spent on TikTok.
  • Over 10,000 employees are currently looking at content moderation, and this group is based in Ireland. Most of the moderation has to be done by machines, but they aren’t always on point, so they complement with actual people.
  • Guideline categories: mature, not suitable for teenagers. If content contains these guidelines, TikTok proactively removes it from users’ TikTok experience. If you search certain terms, you are redirected to a resource safety page.
  • Data access by employees is not the same as data access by the government. TikTok has implementing storing localized American data on American soil by an American company overseen by American personnel. This is beyond what any company in this industry has ever done- localizing in a way no company has ever done. All new U.S. Data is already stored in the Oracle cloud infrastructure.
  • TikTok’s desire is to keep Tiktok a place of freedom and expression (you can search for anything you want subject to community guidelines).
  • TikTok has popularized a variety of content: dancing, singing, science content, booktok, learning how to cook, sports, encouraging people to read. Booktok has 120 billion views globally.   
  • TikTok is connecting people and communities together. 5 million businesses in the U.S. benefit from TikTok today.
Life Kit-A better way to talk to your doctor
  • Find someone who you can built a partnership with, someone who listens, and someone who will take your symptoms seriously and foster that bond. Your health is your most important asset. You need to find someone who will be on your team and be a good partner.
  • Prepare as if you’re going to your accountant and getting ready for taxes. Write down what has been happening/symptoms and your family history, and answer when your symptoms started, what you were doing when symptoms started, what makes symptoms worse, how long symptoms have persisted, whether symptoms ever get better, and your previous history.
  • Anything you can describe (duration, time it started, details) can lead to higher chances of coming up with a diagnosis. Sometimes your doctor may not ever have a clear answer for you.
  • Your doctor might not know what’s going on right away. Instead, you may receive a differential diagnosis, or a list of possibilities. Schedule follow-ups.
  • Fill out docs on the patient portal before you get there to help maximize the time together.
  • When you get a diagnosis, ask for more information. What do we know? What do I have to do? What is the treatment plan?
  • If you feel dismissed, this is a sign this isn’t the doctor for you. It needs to be a partnership. You don’t need to stick with the doctor for the rest of your life if you aren’t comfortable.
  • Advocate for yourself. When you get a diagnosis, ask: What’s actually happening in my body right now? What’s the treatment? How does the treatment work? How often will I take that medication? Will this condition ever go away? How will this condition affect my life? When should we follow up?
  • Think of your relationship with your medical provider as a partnership. You should be working together to come up with a diagnosis or a plan. Keep a medical logbook with important details. When you get a diagnosis, consider a second opinion. It’s okay to change medical providers and it might be a good idea if they’re not listening to you, they confuse you, or if you don’t feel like you can talk to them.
NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast- Top Consumer Complaints and Car Shopping in 2023
  • The top consumer complaints of 2022 include negative information on credit reports that was not accurate, accounts that didn’t belong to consumers but were still on the report, credit inquiries that people didn’t recognize, and being pursued for a debt that the person didn’t owe.
  • Average price for a used car is still around $26k!!
  • Supplies still unable to meet demand- prices remain high
  • Tips: allow yourself time to shop around for both the car and the car loan. Get several auto loan offers before going to the auto dealer. Don’t tell the dealer upfront that you intend to pay cash. They may try to make up for lost revenue in the price of the car.
  • Auto rates are the highest they’ve been since 2009. Average used car loan is 11.03% interest. Some people can get 5% interest.
  • Tips: Shop around. Know your financing options. Think about the trade-offs. Buying a car with cash can keep you out of debt, but you might be able to get a better return on that investment.

One book I’ve read this past week is “How to Live on 24 Hours a Day” written by Arnold Bennett and originally published in 1908. These points stood out to me:

We never shall have any more time. We have, and we have always had, all the time there is.

Arnold Bennett

Everyone receives the same 24 hours in a day. Many view their hours at work as a day and the rest as a margin. You say your day is already full to overflowing, yet you spend 8+ hours working and 7-8 hours sleeping. What are you doing during the other 8 hours?!

Arrange a day within a day. Think of your day outside of work as another day within your day. Have a reflective mood. Devote time each day to reading, learning, or bettering yourself. I have been committed to doing this as part of my daily habits.

You have to live on this twenty-four hours of daily time. Out of it, you have to spin health, pleasure, money, content, respect, and the evolution of your immortal soul. Which of us lives on twenty-four hours a day? And when I say “lives,” I do not mean “exists” or “muddles through.”

Arnold Bennett

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!