My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

• Our expectations of others often cause our own struggles and frustrations. The frustrations with others are caused by our own expectations. We want people to behave differently than they do, and we get frustrated when they don’t act the way we want them to.
• Without the expectations, we could be happy and at peace. We could see the good in others instead of only how they fall short of our expectations.
• Think of the expectations you have of others as an imaginary bubble you’ve created and pop the bubble! Without the bubble, you are free of expectations! What is the other person like without your expectations of them?

• Practice compassion for others. They are probably reacting in a habitual way from fear and pain.
• Don’t take anything personally. Whatever the person does is about them.

I came across this poem this week and it resonated with me.

Let Them Poem By Cassie Phillips

“Just Let Them.
If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.
If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.

If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.
If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.
If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.
If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.

If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM.

Let them lose you. You were never theirs, because you were always your own.
So let them.
Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.
Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.
Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life.
Let them earn your forgiveness.
Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.
Let them take you out on a Thursday.
Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to.

Let them have a safe place in you.

Let them see the heart in you that didn’t harden.

Let them love you.”

You have to accept yourself just as you are without having to make changes for others. If you feel that you have to change to maintain a relationship, and if that change is always one-sided, that relationship may need to be given consideration.

You deserve to be valued and to feel valued. You are the only one who has control of you unless you give that control away to someone else. Have a big conversation with yourself about where those boundaries need to be. Self-care involves putting yourself and your considerations at the top of the pile. If others aren’t doing it, you must do it.

• Studies show that we have 60,000-80,000 thoughts per day and 80% of those are negative or repetitive.
• Principle 1: Accept and action – acceptance followed up by an action. Ex: I’m really drained, and so… I’ll go to bed early tonight. I’m really drained, and so… I’ll cancel going to that event this weekend.
• Stop ignoring your repetitive thoughts, feelings, and emotions. They are repeating for a reason. They want you to pay attention.

• Principle 2: You don’t always have to be at 100% energy. Be able to say to yourself and to others why you aren’t at 100% and be able to communicate your challenges. When can you be at 50% energy, and what does it look like in communicating that? How can you give your best tasks your best energy? Time block.
• Principle 3: It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to cancel social events or to decline. Burnout, exhaustion, and feeling drained are not worth anything.
• Principle 4: Stress is when you are demanding too much of your body and mind. Be strategic with your time. Ask yourself whether it is necessary to take something on right now. Which of your meetings can be solved with an e-mail?

• Principle 5: Have a reset day, hour, or half-day. Make it a perfect day. Carve out time that’s fully under your control.
• Principle 6: Be kind to yourself. When you are feeling drained, ask yourself how you can be kinder to yourself. The voice in our head is often criticizing ourselves about how we can be and do better. If we are stressing ourselves, we are draining ourselves from within. If you were kinder to yourself, what do you believe you would achieve?

• Principle 7: Allow yourself to vent and let it out. When you talk about stress with the right people, it makes you feel lighter. Let that stress out. Distance yourself from the stressor if you can.
• Principle 8: Get restful sleep. So often we are trying to solve something in our mind when we need to solve it in our body. If you’re struggling with your body, figure out what you can change in your mind. Sleep, diet, exercise, hydration, and stress management are all important in managing burnout.
• Principle 9: Wash your mind the night before. What do you want to leave behind today? What are you going to wash away today? Wash your mind the night before and leave the draining behind.

I really liked this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week:

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/running-its-course

Running Its Course

June 25, 2024

Things don’t run their course. The band, the relationship, the project.

We simply decide to stop putting the necessary energy into it to keep them going.

Things don’t have an inherent course of their own. And things don’t have an opinion or get tired or burnt out or lazy or lose interest or get a new dream or desire.

People do.

So when the thing is over let’s be honest about why it’s over. It isn’t the thing’s or the course’s decision.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!