My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:
The myth of the someday/maybe life refers to the urge to save things for our someday/maybe lives that are never the lives we are actually living right now.
Example listed in the podcast: a tan trench coat that has never been worn, but had been kept in case the person decided to be Inspector Gadget at Halloween some year.
If you struggle to let go of items for your someday/maybe life, ask yourself:
- Would I buy it again today?
- Have I used this in the last year/am I really ever going to use it?
- What’s the worst thing that would happen if I let go of this? The worst-case scenario is usually not all that bad.
Tips: for clothing, turn the hangers around after wearing clothing to see what you wear, and get rid of clothes facing the original direction after six months or a year. I currently do this.
Pack things away in a box that you think you might need. If you don’t look for them after one year, the box is already packed and ready to donate!
In January, I challenged myself to give away 1 item each day in my local Buy Nothing Facebook page. I got rid of over 31 items–many items that were sitting in totes because I had thought I might use them someday! It was a great start to the year, and I may do this challenge again in the coming months.
People are always competing for our attention: marketers use clickbait headlines, Facebook and other apps send you notifications, friends text you and hope that you get back to them quickly, you may have work duties, and there are always other pressures on us to fulfill the many roles in our lives as a spouse, parent, family member, friend, volunteer, employee, etc.
In this podcast, Brian Ford prompts us to ask ourselves: When was the last time you gave yourself your undivided attention?
Take time to sit and reflect on what you want, how you are feeling, how energized you have been, how productive you have been, how your mental health is, what you are working towards and how it’s going, what you’re most excited about, and anything else you need to reflect on. Do this regularly. We know it’s the best thing we can do for others, but it’s also the best thing we can do for ourselves.
To achieve this, one habit I regularly practice is to disable Facebook and messenger notifications, personal e-mail notifications, and other app notifications on my phone. Silencing my phone while I am working or working on a task I want to prioritize, such as reading, is also helpful.
This episode was SO relatable. After being somewhat long-distance for 7+ years and not living together or seeing each other on weekdays before marriage, it has been an adjustment! Here are the 6 things the host wishes she knew before getting married, and I agree with all of these:
Scheduling– know your partner’s schedule. It’s helpful to have a shared calendar to know obligations and appointments. I keep a whiteboard calendar in our bedroom and write down my work schedule, medical appointments, family plans, and social outings with friends each month.
Conversations about $– have conversations about income and budgeting. Get on the same page about financial goals and dreams. Have monthly check-ins.
Organization– Keep clutter to a minimum. Have a landing zone to put stuff when you come in the door, such as a basket. Have a location where you put mail that you need to get to instead of putting it on the table or counter. Have one space for the majority of the cleaning supplies. Use a file cabinet with organized tabs. Understand how you organize differently. Minimize your belongings.
The host specifically stated that her husband is into outdoor activities, such as golf, fishing, and hunting. She was tired of seeing all of his items all over the garage, so she got him a big bin to put all of his items into–out of sight.
We have implemented some of the organizational tips above. We have a large storage stand with cleaners and laundry supplies, labeled and organized bins for medications and personal beauty products, and a file bin with labeled file folders for items such as the mortgage, auto, taxes, medical records, home improvement, etc.
Expectations– Talk about expectations for regular household tasks, such as “If I do the cooking, who does the dishes?” Who should take charge of the household accounting? Who should pay which bills? Is the mortgage payment going to be split evenly? How do you prefer to unwind or relax, and how many hours a day do you like to do that? Identify who is responsible for household chores. This prevents resentment from the person who feels like he or she is doing it all because he or she expected everything to be done on a certain timeline.
All of these are great questions! One of the biggest adjustments for us as newlyweds has been sharing time and space. When dating for 7+ years, we spent weeknights apart. Upon moving in together, I was very surprised and frustrated to find that my husband watches hours of tv each night after work–something I had never done regularly on a weeknight. I have since learned that this is his method of relaxing and unwinding after a long day of physical labor. I sit all day, so I have other ways of unwinding, including working out and staying active, reading, etc. We have our separate time and come together at some point each day to unwind together.
Hospitality– practice hospitality by regularly hosting people. We LOVE hosting people and are hoping to host more often.
Grace– lastly, give yourself grace! Being a power couple isn’t the goal. The perfect couple doesn’t exist. What you see on social media is only a fraction.
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
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