Tag: #5languagesofappreciation

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

• The average person checks their phone more than 300 times per day. Many people feel they are expected to answer e-mails and texts quickly.
• Get in the habit of taking a break so that you can both better understand the effect your relationship with technology is having on you and also appreciate its benefits more.
• Take a digital sabbath. Have a 24-hour period where you don’t interact with your devices. It can be accompanied by a sense of physical relaxation and calm that’s so profound that many people report they don’t want to turn their devices on after 24 hours.

• Many people think that the first step to break up with your phone is to delete apps. The first step is actually to take a moment of self-reflection and think about how your phone is helping and hindering you. Example: Are you actually present with those around you or are you scrolling through social media or your e-mails? Consider which apps are useful and which are a waste of time that make you feel bad after you use them. Delete those apps that don’t serve you. You can always check something from your browser or desktop, change your settings to turn to black and white, disable notifications, uninstall apps (and reinstall later if necessary).
• Create rules such as no phones at the table. On average, someone is likely to reach for their phone several times during a meal.
• We end up spending more time on our phones than planned because they are designed to maximize time spent on them.

When the phone is in your hand, ask yourself: What for? Why now? What else? Most of the time it’s going to be an emotional reason (anxiety, boredom, lonely). Ask yourself what else you could do in that moment to achieve that same result. Ex: call someone or take a walk instead of scrolling endlessly on social media.

Trying to change a habit through willpower is a guaranteed way to fail. Instead, consider what you want to be doing with your time. What do you say you want to do but you don’t because you think you don’t have time for it? Limiting time on your phone will make you realize you suddenly have more time. Considering putting your phone in another room for a while so that you can focus on what you need to get done.

Our lives are what we pay attention to. You’re only going to experience and remember what you pay attention to. Be intentional about your attention. We get to construct our lives every day by deciding what we pay attention to. Is my life TikTok or is it a sunrise, a fresh flower, an amazing book, or my smiling kid’s face?

Start by being aware of how you use your devices and the impact they are having on your in-real-life relationships. Every time you pick up your device, answer: What for? Why now? What else? By asking yourself these questions and reflecting on them, you can start to rebuild your relationship with your device and with others.

• Don’t stonewall your partner. Essentially it involves anything that you do to further stop communication, such as the silent treatment, saying you’re fine when you’re not, saying you aren’t mad when you’re clearly upset. Stonewalling indicates you don’t care enough to work through something. It’s damaging to a relationship and prevents you from solving problems together.
• Never get too busy to communicate. Many couples don’t take time to sit down and talk. When they do, they’re distracted by their phones or the tv. It’s easy to get so caught up in your busy life that you end up only communicating about the business part of your relationship. It’s important to keep getting to know each other and make time to talk about deeper issues, such as your goals, hopes, dreams, fears, and things you’re working on to become better people. Deeper conversations can help you connect on a different level.
• Talk about your boundaries and expectations. Secrets can destroy relationships, so it’s important to be upfront and open.
• Don’t offer cheap forgiveness. Don’t say you aren’t mad when you are clearly mad. Forgiveness takes work. Both of you need to be willing to work through the issue rather than pretend it’s not a problem.

• Whether you realize it or not, you have a personal brand. It’s your reputation and how people perceive you. It’s what people think about you when they hear your name and what people say about you when you’re not in the room.
• Whenever we engage with people both in person or online, every interaction, every post, and every comment creates a reputational narrative about ourselves. Do you want to be the one who’s driving and shaping the story or do you want the algorithms to do it for you?

5 steps to creating a personal brand:

• Figure out what your goal is. What do you want your personal brand to help you accomplish? Are you looking to change jobs or transition into a new industry? Are you looking to get a promotion? Are you launching a new business?

• You will want to get clear on what you want to be known for. Start by answering “What do you do?” Dig deeper into the what, how, and why behind your work. What are the things that make you unique? Are there specific talents and expertise that you’ve acquired in your career? What do you know more about than most people? Your personal brand is not about you. It’s about the people you want to educate with the skills, knowledge, and value you can provide. Who can most gain from what you have to share, and how exactly can you see yourself helping them?

• Put all of your answers into a single mission statement that describes who you are, what you do, who you do it for, and the transformation you can create in people’s lives. Mission statements will look wildly different depending on who you are in your career.

• Build a personal brand online by developing a personal website and social media. A personal website allows you to take full control over your online reputation. It offers the most flexibility in sharing your brand and value to others in a much deeper way than a resume or LinkedIn profile.

• Social media is also a great way to share your personal brand with the audience you most want to connect with. When posting, focus on being helpful to others. Share interesting articles, post ideas or opinions that can benefit people, and focus on engaging in commenting and liking posts of those you follow.

In a sense, this educational blog and sharing helpful information with others is part of my personal brand.

1. Lift weights before doing cardio. If you want to gain strength, prioritize weights. You’ll be too tired to lift at your full potential if you tire yourself out with cardio first.
2. Lift with purpose and intensity. Have a plan or goal in mind.
3. It never hurts to ask for help. Gym staff and others are always willing to help.
4. Aim to go at a consistent time. Your body becomes adapted to the routine and it becomes habit. You’ll also start seeing the same people, which will make you feel more comfortable.
5. Hire a personal trainer to save you time, money, and energy in the long run.
6. Don’t be afraid to fall and learn how to fail.
7. Place a 10 lb plate underneath your weights when adding plates for deadlifts.
8. Realize people aren’t judging you. Most of the time, people are focused on themselves and how they look instead of judging you.
9. Take it slow and start with less weight and work up. Focus on the quality of each movement.
10. Watch form videos before going to the gym.

• Estate planning is almost always done with an attorney. The main goals are to ensure your money goes where you want, your beneficiaries and heirs aren’t saddled with an unexpected estate tax or gift tax, and your assets are invested based on your wishes and associated timelines.
• A will (plus guardianship) states how you wish to distribute your assets and what will happen to your dependents/children after death.
• A power of attorney gives legal rights to another person to handle your non-health, non-medical affairs.
• An advanced healthcare directive states your medical preferences if you become incapacitated, while designating someone else to make medical decisions for you.
• Trusts are a three-party fiduciary agreement. The Trustor/Grantor has assets they give to the Trustee rights to hold the assets on behalf and for the benefit of the Beneficiary.

Steps to take for estate planning:

• Inventory all of your assets and debts. What do you own and what do you owe?
• Ensure you have life insurance for any dependents or your spouse.
• Identify a guardian for your children or pets (if you have any).
• Establish your will, a power of attorney, and an advanced healthcare directive.
• Name your beneficiaries. You will need to do this for all financial accounts, IRAs, 401ks, life insurance, etc.
• Notify your guardians and executors.
• Keep the documents safe. Store a copy of your estate plan in a safe place. Review and update your estate plan at every major life event and at least every 5 years.

This past week I finished reading “The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace” by Gary Chapman and Paul E. White. Dr. Gary Chapman is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of “The 5 Love Languages.” Dr. Paul White is a psychologist, author, speaker, and consultant who helps make work relationships work. This book was very intuitive and fascinating! Here are some main take-aways:

The number one factor in job satisfaction is not the amount of pay but whether or not the individual feels appreciated and valued for the work they do.

The question is not “Do you appreciate your coworkers?” The real question is “Do they feel appreciated?”

Here are five languages of appreciation and ways to show them in the workplace:

words of affirmation – giving praise for a specific task, verbally affirming positive character traits, sending an e-mail with kudos, telling others about the good job someone is doing, writing a handwritten note of appreciation, or giving encouragement

quality time – quality conversation/shared experiences/small group dialogue/working in close proximity with coworkers, going to lunch together, checking in with people to see how they’re doing, taking a walk together, getting together for a sporting event

acts of service – asking before you help and doing it their way/clarifying how they want it done, serving voluntarily and completing what you start

receiving gifts – ask questions about interests (sports, restaurants, spas, theatre, etc.) and give a gift related to their interests

physical touch – handshakes, fist bumps, high fives, pats on the back

To figure out others’ language of appreciation, observe their behaviors, observe what they request of others, and listen to their complaints. The things about which an individual complains may reveal their primary appreciation language.

Be aware of your potential blind spot. The language of appreciation least valued by you will seldom be spoken. When a colleagues’ least important language of appreciation is words of affirmation, no matter how much you offer praise to them, it misses the mark.

Primary languages of appreciation may vary significantly over time in response to different life events, life stages, and the individuals with whom they are interacting.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!