Category: Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday- April 13, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Science Vs. – Weight Loss Meds: Is Ozempic a Miracle Drug?
Food, We Need to Talk- Ozempic- The “Magical” Weight Loss Drug

**I have not used Ozempic and am not authorized to make medical recommendations. I am simply reporting what I have learned.** Ozempic has been a popular topic in the news and social media lately, and I wanted to learn more about it. I have the following notes from the two podcasts:

  • Ozempic is a diabetes drug that also causes weight loss. Many people are using it strictly as a weight loss drug, resulting in a shortage due to an “unexpected increase in consumer demand.”
  • Ozempic has the lowest side effect profile and actually works. Side effects include nausea (after 5 months, 25% of people reported nausea) and GI issues. People have generally concluded that the side effects are worth it.
  • Wegovy was a popular weight loss drug, but during the pandemic, Wegovy faced supply chain issues for nearly one year, making Ozempic a popular alternative. Ozempic continues to be the most popular.
  • Many insurers won’t cover Ozempic unless diabetes has been diagnosed, but many people are willing to front the $1,200/month cost of Ozempic, especially celebrities.

The active ingredient in Ozempic is semaglutide, which works by inducing satiety.  Ozempic reduces a consumer’s level of hunger and eliminates food cravings, resulting in people eating 1/4 to 1/3 less when taking Ozempic.

People who take this med will likely need to take this long-term. They gain most of their weight back when they stop taking the medication. Also, long-term effects have not been studied yet.

People are using Ozempic as a weight loss drug with great results. Some have lost 15-21% of their body weight!

It is important to continue exercising and having healthy habits even while taking a weight loss drug, and it is also emphasized that once people stop using Ozempic, they generally gain the weight back because their hunger levels and food cravings return to their normal levels pre-Ozempic.

The Daily Stoic- Don’t Make Assumptions

You don’t get a joke, so you say it’s not funny. You love your job, so you have no patience for people who complain about theirs. You’ve been successful, so you can’t understand why others struggle. Things that are different from your preferences are “weird.”

Our personal experiences make up a tiny percentage of the world, but a huge percentage of how we perceive the world.

A stoic tries not to jump to hasty judgments and puts their impressions up to the test. A stoic makes space for there to be other means of being, even the ways we don’t understand.

The Clever Girls Know Podcast- 9 Money Leaks Affecting Your Finances and How to Fix Them
  • Paying delivery fees. Before paying for shipping or delivery, Google search for free shipping or delivery codes!
  • Disposable products (water bottles, cutlery, paper towels). Use a reusable water bottle, pack your own utensils for your work lunches, and use rags or towels instead of paper towels.
  • Food waste. Buy only what you’re going to eat and cook. Meal prep. Freeze leftovers. Do an assessment of your food before shopping.
  • Bank fees (overdraft fees, ATM fees, account fees). Look for banks with overdraft protection, no account fees, and a wide network of free ATMs.
  • Subscriptions for products and services. Make sure you aren’t bulking up if not needed. Make sure you are using streaming services and other subscriptions. Cancel them if you aren’t.
  • Name brand products instead of generic. Often the generic products contain the same ingredients and taste the same.
  • Coffee and snack shops. Learn to make your own coffee or tea and buy the coffee beans or loose leaf tea your favorite shop uses. Keep snacks on hand.
  • Gym memberships- Are you getting your money’s worth? Cancel if you rarely go.
  • Unused insurance policies (vehicles). Do you still drive, or do you take public transportation? If you rarely drive, let your insurance know to see if you can get discounts on your premiums. If you never drive or rarely drive, you could consider selling your vehicle and taking public transportation or Uber/Lyft rides if that would be cheaper than paying for insurance and vehicle maintenance.
Self Care IRL- The best habits you should still hold onto post-pandemic
  • Learning and chasing new hobbies. Many people picked up a quarantine hobby.
  • Focus on supporting others (small businesses, healthcare workers, acts of kindness)
  • Embrace simplicity. You don’t always have to be doing something.
  • Make your home feel like home. You deserve to feel cozy and happy.
  • Taking care of yourself. Carve out space for you to be alone with your thoughts and feelings. You should be your #1 priority. Therapy, journaling, meditation, etc.
  • Spending more time in nature. Don’t make it so that you miss the calmness you were chasing during the pandemic. Go outside! Listen to the birds chirp. Go on a walk.
  • Not feeling guilty for spending a night in. Don’t feel pressured to go out. You can’t miss out on the time you spend with yourself.
  • Checking in on your loved ones. Random phone calls and video chats during the pandemic were at an all-time high. Remember when people called you just because?
  • Not going out or going to work if you feel sick. Listen to your body.

I have been reading “The Simple Path to Wealth” as part of a book club. This book emphasizes investing in VTSAX, Vanguard’s Total Stock Market Index Fund. I also read a blog post highlighting VTSAX for people who want to retire early:

https://www.ourrichjourney.com/post/5-reasons-why-vanguards-vtsax-index-fund-is-our-top-fire-investment

Some of the things I’ve learned:

  • The expense ratio is 0.04%, which is over 70% lower than the industry average!
  • VTSAX also beats around 80% of actively managed mutual funds, and you save money by not having to pay for an active manager.
  • VTSAX invests in the total stock market. Owning VTSAX allows an investor to own almost all of the companies trading in the U.S. stock market.
  • VTSAX constantly self-cleanses. There are inevitably companies that fail and companies that succeed. As soon as a company fails, it will drop off the stock market and won’t be tracked by VTSAX, so VTSAX will *never* go to zero.
  • VTSAX is easy, straightforward, and requires very little effort to understand.

I finished reading “Top 5 Regrets of the Dying” written by Bronnie Ware. I was surprised to learn the top 5 regrets of the dying, and I was inspired to not have these same regrets:

  • 1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  • 2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
  • 3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
  • 4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  • 5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

Unwinding Anxiety + Habit Loops

amybenoit

“Unwinding Anxiety” was written by Judson Brewer, MD, PhD, an internationally renowned addiction psychiatrist and neuroscientist, director of research and an associate professor at Brown University, and founder of Eat Right Now and Craving to Quit apps. Further, his 2016 Ted Talk “A Simple Way to Break A Bad Habit” has over 16 million views! This book emphasized that anxiety and addictions (eating, smoking, drinking, etc.) manifest themselves in habits and the first step to overcoming them is to understand the origin of the habits we want to eliminate or replace and update the reward values.

  • 1. Identify your habit loops.
  • 2. Update the reward values of the behaviors you want to change (using mindfulness and curiosity).
  • 3. Replace your old habits with new, healthier habits.

Paying attention is really important if you want to change a habit. If it’s a habit that you desperately want to break, you can’t tell, force, or wish it to stop because these likely don’t have an effect on its reward value. Look and learn. Ask yourself “What do I get from this?” when thinking about the result of bad habits.

If you struggle with overeating, focus on the full and bloated feeling you get when you’re done eating.

If you struggle with smoking, be mindful and think about the taste and smell (I was surprised to learn that most smokers in a study reported that when they paid attention when trying to quit, they realized they hated the smell and taste)!

Force your old brain to relearn and reassociate negative feelings with the habits you want to change. It is true that past behavior is likely the best predictor for future behavior, but what we do in the present moment, not what we did in the past, will determine the likelihood of continuing or changing that trajectory.

Use RAIN:

  • Recognize what is happening right now.
  • Allow/accept it.
  • Investigate body sensations, emotions, or thoughts.
  • Note what is happening in your experience.

Examples of habit loops:

  • Trigger: getting into an argument
  • Behavior: bingeing
  • Result: feeling physically, emotionally, and mentally awful with no improvement in relationship
  • Trigger: start working on long task and feel overwhelmed
  • Behavior: check social media
  • Result: avoidance; feel more stressed that no progress is made
  • Trigger: anxiety/sadness
  • Behavior: start drinking
  • Result: numbing, forgetting, feeling intoxicated, avoidance
  • Trigger: look at unfinished to-do list
  • Behavior: worry about not getting it done
  • Result: feel anxious

This book was an educational read and seemed geared more toward overall addictions and habits, not just anxiety.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday- April 6, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

Psych2Go – 8 Daily Habits that Drain Your Energy

These daily habits can cause you to feel stressed, anxious, and exhausted:

  1. looking on the negative side of life/being a pessimist
  2. overthinking
  3. living in the past and taking your focus off of the present moment
  4. associating with negative people and drama
  5. using social media to bring you down and fall into the comparison trap
  6. having a poor diet
  7. not exercising regularly
  8. having an unhealthy or irregular sleep schedule

When a box of girl scout cookies is sold for $5.00, $1.50 goes to the bakery that made it and $3.50 stays local and is split between the regional troop and the troop you bought it from.

The career record is $180,000 boxes sold, resulting in a college scholarship. Girl scouts can increase sales by setting up a booth at a populated place, such as a supermarket parking lot. This results in more sales than going door-to-door.

In 2014, Girl Scouts started accepting credit cards using mobile card readers and began selling cookies online.

The pandemic resulted in fewer girls enrolling in Girl Scouts, supply chain issues, and labor shortages that made it harder for bakeries to produce cookies. The Scouts started using DoorDash to deliver cookies same-day!

DoorDash Partners with Girl Scouts of the USA to Offer Exclusive On-Demand Delivery as Girl Scout Cookie Season Kicks Off

Business lessons:

  • Each season, each scout commits to selling a specific # of boxes, and she gets to decide how many. The troop pays for the boxes upfront and the scout repays the troop with the money from the sales. If you have excess boxes because you didn’t sell as much as you committed to, you usually have to pay the troop, but sometimes you can swap flavors with cookie hubs.
  • The harsh realities of cookie season (competition, finance risk, supply chain issues, technological disruption) are a part of the commerce business. This presents a great opportunity to build business skills.
How I Built This with Guy Raz- Mark Cuban Cost Plus Drug Company

**I have not used Cost Plus Drug Company myself. I combined information from this June 2022 episode and this updated article:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/joshuacohen/2023/01/01/mark-cubans-cost-plus-drug-company-continues-to-revolutionize-generic-drug-pricing/

Mark Cuban got involved through a cold e-mail from a radiologist who was working on a compounding pharmacy that could sell pharmaceuticals for less. They spent four years working with manufacturers and regulatory agencies, and Mark subscribed to and read every report and article he could get his hands on regarding healthcare and pricing before starting costplusdrugs.com in January 2022.

In the standard U.S. market, the prices of pharmaceuticals are set by considering Medicare as a percentage of the retail price, insurance companies, rebates, paying pharmacy benefit managers, etc. Cost Plus Drugs (costplusdrugs.com) is transparent in pricing: 15% market from their cost + $3 for handling + $5 for shipping. They are able to keep costs low by eliminating all of the others involved in the standard insurance process, and they use True Pill as a pharmacy/fulfillment center.

Costplusdrugs.com offers over 800 generic drugs. The company/website is especially beneficial for those who are uninsured or those who have insurance but are in the high deductible phase. For many generic drugs, the co-payment can be higher than the actual price of the drug.

The challenge in getting this company to scale more has been getting manufacturers to sell to Cost Plus because they are afraid of the response they will get from insurance companies who also work with them. Cost Plus generally does not want to work with insurance companies because they want to be the low-cost provider of every drug they sell.

Financial Feminist- Life Insurance 101 with Ladder

Lessons learned about life insurance:

  • Index universal life insurance is a scam.
  • Life insurance is a selfless product. You are paying for something YOU will never benefit from.
  • The younger you are, the cheaper life insurance will be.
  • A good rule of thumb is to have 10x your salary to cover all of your liabilities. Most people are only covered for their salary.
  • Term life insurance (offered through many companies such as Ladder) is the most cost-effective because you are only covered for a certain amount of time. You can invest the difference you would save buying term life instead of whole life insurance. Whole life insurance is permanent and is 4-10x more expensive.
  • Life insurance should be used for insurance, not an investment. Investing should be used for investing!
  • When looking for life insurance coverage, look for good pricing, reviews, financial ratings, transparency, and what’s being added on as riders.
  • If you are a stay-at-home mom, you should still have life insurance because your partner will need $ to cover childcare in the event you pass away. If you take care of your parents, you need life insurance to cover expenses for care providers for them in the event you pass away. If you have any liabilities, you should have life insurance.
  • If you don’t have financial liabilities (mortgage, auto loans, etc.), debts, or kids, life insurance is not necessary.
Self Care IRL- 8 Bedtime Rituals for your Mind & Body

The things you do right before bed can determine whether you toss and turn for hours or get a good night’s sleep.

Before bed, list priority items to handle the next day.

When you think of things you need to do during the day, think about whether you will do them today, tomorrow, or another day and schedule them. Then when you’re in bed you won’t have a racing mind of everything you need to do.

  1. Turn down the lights. Exposure to light causes your body to produce hormones that increase alertness. Don’t watch tv/use your computer/use your phone starting one hour before bedtime. Charge your phone in another room and use an actual alarm clock to wake you up.
  2. Slow down. By 8 p.m., your body should be in wind-down mode. Ditch the late-night workouts and active activities. Devote your evening to gentler activities.
  3. If you MUST, have a light snack or a treat. It doesn’t need to be something sweet. It can be something healthy but enjoyable to you—protein, a healthy carb, or chamomile tea
  4. Apply a fragrance. Lavender is an age-old remedy for insomnia. You can use lavender oil/vanilla pillow sprays, a diffuser, or a cotton ball with lavender in your pillowcase.
  5. Warm up. Raising your body temperature induces drowsiness. Take a hot bubble bath or slip under a heavy weighted blanket. A warm non-caffeinated beverage also works. Warm your body but keep your room cool.
  6. Treat your aches and pains earlier in the day to prepare yourself for sleep.
  7. Suspend all of your daily concerns. What if you get to bed on time but you lie awake worrying about credit card bills, tomorrow’s meeting, whether you watered your plants, called someone back, etc.> Let the day go and resolve to let go of distractions. You will sleep better if you can do this. If you are focusing on your breathing, your brain cannot simultaneously work overtime to worry.
  8. Meditate or pray.

Good quality sleep protects your mental and physical health. Rely on bedtime rituals that will help you doze off faster and stay asleep all night long.

Radio Headspace- Life Without Practice

We can have such tunnel vision of wanting to be better that we can lose sight of where we started. Stop, pause, and reflect on how far you’ve come and the progress you’ve made. TWe tend to forget about what our life was like before we achieved x, y, and z.

Document everything. Keep a notebook to record your emotions and thoughts. This will serve as a reference for how far you’ve come. I have been keeping a One Line A Day journal for over three years. It is a five-year dated journal in which you can look back on what you wrote that particular day for up to five years. Each night, I write something about my day–something that brought joy to my day, something I struggled with, something I did that day, etc. It has been interesting looking back at some things I wrote years ago and comparing those entries to where I’m at now.

Remember that you are a human before anything else and all moments of your life are worthy of being celebrated.

Sometimes when I am reading a book and come across an unfamiliar word, I Google it right then and there. One word I came across this week was bespectacled:

be·spec·ta·cled

[bəˈspektəkəld]

ADJECTIVE

  1. (of a person) wearing eyeglasses:

Ex: Mr. Merrick was a slim, quiet, bespectacled man.

I found this interesting because I have never heard anyone use that word!

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

Man’s Search for Meaning

amybenoit

“Man’s Search for Meaning” written by Viktor E. Frankl has been translated into more than 50 languages and sold over 16 million copies, and it was one of the top 20 books I read in 2022. This book contained a riveting account of Viktor Frankl’s time in the Nazi concentration camps and his insightful exploration of the human will to find meaning in spite of suffering.

At the heart of his theory, known as logotherapy, is the belief that the primary human drive is not pleasure, but the pursuit of what we find meaningful.

To find a meaning in one’s life is the primary motivational force in man.

3 possible sources of meaning:

  • work- by doing something significant
  • love- by caring for another person
  • courage during difficult times

“Everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances – to choose one’s own way.”

Viktor E. Frankl

Any man can decide what shall become of him – mentally and spiritually. He may retain his human dignity even in a concentration camp.

There is meaning in suffering. The way in which a man accepts his fate and all of the suffering it entails gives him ample opportunity to add a deeper meaning to his life.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

Set Boundaries, Find Peace

amybenoit

“Set Boundaries, Find Peace” was written by Nedra Glover Tawwab, a licensed therapist and sought-after relationship expert and owner of Kaleidoscope Counseling. Her philosophy is that a lack of boundaries and assertiveness underlies most relationship issues, and her gift is helping people create healthy relationships with themselves and others. This book was filled with insights about boundaries and actual examples of statements and boundaries that you can use. I believe everyone will get something out of this book!

You can follow her on Instagram at nedratawwab. She posts very helpful insights about boundaries and example statements of boundaries.

What are boundaries?

  • Boundaries are expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships. Put on your oxygen mask first before helping others.
  • Boundaries are a safeguard in overextending yourself, a self-care practice, a way to create healthy relationships, and a way to communicate your needs to others.
  • Boundaries are not unspoken rules. Unspoken boundaries are invisible. Avoid thinking “they should’ve known better” or “common sense would say…” Common sense is based on our own life experiences and isn’t the same for everyone. It is essential to communicate and not assume that people are aware of our expectations in relationships.

Don’t betray yourself to please others.

Nedra Tawwab

The healthiest way to communicate boundaries is to be assertive. Communicate your feelings openly and without attacking others.

The best boundaries are easy to understand: “I want…I need…I expect…” Examples: “I want you to stop asking me when I’m going to have kids.” “I need you to call me before you stop by.” “I expect you to return my ___ in good condition.”

There are two steps to boundaries: communication and action. You must uphold what you communicate through your behavior. If you don’t uphold your boundaries, others won’t either!

Common responses to boundaries: pushback, limit testing, ignoring, rationalizing and questioning, defensiveness, ghosting, silent treatment, and acceptance

  • Burnout is caused by not knowing when to say no, not knowing how to say no, prioritizing others over yourself, people-pleasing, and unrealistic expectations.
  • To avoid burnout, start asking yourself “Why is this important to me?” and only doing what is most important.

Ask yourself:

  1. Whose standard am I trying to meet?
  2. Do I have the time to commit to this?
  3. What’s the worst thing that could happen if I don’t do this?
  4. How can I honor my boundaries in this situation?

We learned about boundaries from family. We cried, fussed, and acted out when we wanted something, and we learned whether we could get our needs met based on how our parents or caretakers responded.

For kids, food preference is an attempt at setting limits. Do you:

  • (1) offer other options
  • (2) insist the child eats what they said they didn’t like
  • (3) punish the child by not allowing them to eat anything?
  • The results of option 1: Your child feels heard and respected.
  • The results of option 2: Your child recognizes their boundaries are not important to you and that you think you know what is best for them.
  • The results of option 3: Your child feels punished for having preferences.

Same goes with hugging someone. When a child sets a boundary by not wanting to hug someone, do you:

  • (1) allow the child to be self-selective about whom they feel comfortable showing affection to
  • (2) push the child to hug the person
  • (3) shame or threaten the child by saying that it’s not nice to tell people no or tell them you will punish them if they don’t comply
  • The results of option 1: Your child feels heard and respected.
  • The results of option 2: Your child recognizes their boundaries are not important to you and that you think you know what is best for them.
  • The results of option 3: Your child feels punished for having preferences.

Types of boundaries you can set:

Physical boundaries: verbalize your need for physical distance to others. Be clear with others about your discomfort with certain types of physical touch, such as hugging. Examples: “I’m not comfortable with public displays of affection. I’d prefer if we saved this until we got home.” “Please move back a little.”

Sexual boundaries: don’t make excuses for poor conduct. Report sexual misconduct that you experience or witness. Examples: “Your comments about my appearance make me feel uncomfortable.” “Your comment isn’t funny; it’s sexually inappropriate.”

Intellectual boundaries: Be respectful of people who are different than you. If you’re a parent, refrain from discussing adult matters with your kids. Examples: “You can disagree without being mean or rude.” “I won’t talk to you if you keep raising your voice.”

Emotional boundaries: Share only with people you trust who can hold space for your emotions. Ask people if they want you to just listen OR if they’re looking for feedback. Examples: “I hear that you have a lot of things going on and I don’t feel equipped to help you. Have you considered talking to a therapist?” “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that topic.”

Material boundaries: Do not loan things to people who’ve demonstrated that they will not respect your possessions. Share your expectations for your possessions up front. Examples: “I can’t loan you any money.” “I will not let anyone borrow or drive my car.”

Time boundaries: Before you say yes to a request, make sure you want to do it and aren’t overcommitting. When you’re busy, ignore calls/texts/ e-mails until it’s convenient to respond. Examples: “I’m unable to work late today.” “I can’t help you this weekend.”

Self-boundaries: your finances, your time management, your self-care, the treatment you allow from others, your unkind thoughts of yourself, your reactions, and the people you allow in your life. Examples: “I will save ___% before buying something new.” “I plan my day and delegate what I can.” “I say no to things that I don’t like/things that rob me of valuable time.” “I address issues with others when they arise.” “I allow myself to make mistakes without judging myself harshly.” “I allow myself to cry.” “I did my best.”

When you engage in activities that you don’t enjoy or get distracted with other people’s stuff, you take time away from yourself.

**This book also covered boundaries specific to in-laws, holidays, friendships, relationships, social media, and work.

You can’t change people, but you can change:

  • how you deal with them
  • what you accept
  • how you react to them
  • how often you interact with them
  • how much space you allow them to take up
  • what you participate in
  • what role they play in your life
  • what people you have contact with
  • who you allow in your life
  • your perspective

It’s healthy for you to have boundaries. Other people have boundaries that you respect. Setting boundaries is a sign of a healthy relationship. If boundaries ruin a relationship, your relationship was on the cusp of ending anyway.

What to avoid when setting boundaries:

  • Never apologize. It gives the impression that your expectations are negotiable or that you don’t believe you’re allowed to ask for what you want.
  • Don’t waver. Don’t allow people to get away with violating your boundary.

I highly recommend this book! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday- March 30, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

I was out with a friend who is on a bowling league. She explained that the next league is going to be more difficult. “More difficult? As in the competitors are more skilled,” I asked. She replied, “no, the oil patterns are different.” I was so confused about what I heard that I had to ask her if I heard correctly! It turns out, aside from the arm swing, how the ball is released, and the bowling ball material, the oil pattern also plays a major role in how well you perform.

Bowling oil patterns are covered in depth here:

Bowling Oil Patterns Explained (2022 Complete Guide)

In short, “the longer the pattern, the less your ball can hook.”

If you notice you aren’t performing well:

“If you throw your shot and realized that your ball isn’t hitting the target you intended due to the oil on the lane, you have two options:

  1. You can adjust your stance and just move your feet to the left or right by the number of boards that you missed and target the same spot. And hope that your adjustment should help and correct the error.
  2. You can completely change your style to match the lane conditions.

For example, if the lane is wet (has a lot of oil), you can bowl a straighter shot into the middle making the ball have only a small range of hook.
Or, if the lane is dry (has little oil), you can give it more speed or target more to the outside making the ball properly hook back to the pocket.“

Here are some oil patterns:

Chasing Life- Will Banning TikTok Help Kids?

This podcast focused more on the concerns about TikTok, not all of which are related to kids. Some people have complained that TikTok should be taken down because it is harming kids mentally and emotionally. The Communications Decency Act (Section 230) protects website creators/app creators by not holding them legally responsible for the speech others put online. It also ensures TikTok can’t be sued for deciding to moderate content in the ways that they see fit. This is the same defense BackPage had, as they were not held accountable for the pimping that went on while using BackPage; they were only held accountable for the resulting money-laundering offenses.

TikTok was the most downloaded app in the entire world in 2022!

TikTok was created by a Chinese company, and many people are concerned about the threat to cybersecurity. The company is working with the U.S. government and working on voluntarily moving data it has on U.S. consumers from servers it controls in Virginia and Singapore to third-party servers controlled by Oracle, a U.S. company. They are working to ensure that no U.S. data is exposed to the Chinese government. Of note, there is currently no evidence that the Chinese government has been accessing our data, but there are concerns about influencing us for political purposes.

There is no national federal privacy standard. The U.K. and E.U. have more of an expectation that the government will impose rules ahead of time. In the U.S., corporation accountability tends to happen only after things go wrong.

There’s a lot we don’t know. We don’t know if lawmakers can come together and revise section 230 of the Communications Decency Act. We don’t know if social media companies will make meaningful changes. We don’t know the totality of how social media and screens impact our health.

I recently had a conversation with a friend about TikTok and whether it should be monitored. On one hand, people have the right to free speech. On the other hand, if content is moderated, how can we ensure that all of it is appropriately moderated before it is too late? Should all content go through a review process, requiring several TikTok employees to review it, before it is allowed to be published? If so, how would that impact the number of users and the type of content users see?

NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast- Is Banking Stable, and Traditional vs. Online Banks

You may have heard about the Silicon Valley Bank shutdown. Several start-ups used Silicon Valley Bank and pulled their money out at once. SVB had invested some of their money in assets that lost value and then sold the assets at a loss to get depositors their money. As start-ups, many had over $250,000 in deposits and were not fully insured. Signature Bank has faced similar difficulties.

**The FDIC insures $250,000 in full.** Your money will be returned to you no matter what happens to your bank. You have up to $250,000 protected at EACH bank. Ensure your bank is FDIC-insured or your credit union is insured through the National Credit Union Administration.

If you’re concerned that your bank might go out of business, you can spread out your accounts at multiple banks, you can get a credit card to cover your expenses while your bank situation is sorted out, you can call 211 for assistance programs, and you can request an extension on your mortgage or utilities if needed.

Traditional banks vs. online banks

Traditional banks:

  • You can go to a branch to open an account, deposit, withdraw, etc.
  • You can receive person-to-person service.
  • You can deposit cash, do wire transfers, etc.
  • It is easy to transfer funds from an online account to a traditional account.

Online banks:

  • You don’t usually have access to a branch.
  • You don’t receive person-to-person service.
  • They don’t usually have the costs of having buildings, so the rates are often better.
  • Many offer high-yield savings accounts.
  • You can only get money out through ATMs or by doing an electronic transfer to a traditional bank.

It’s best for most people to have a hybrid approach by having a traditional account for checking and possibly savings and having an online high-yield savings account.

As an illustration, many banks offer savings rates of less than 1%. The credit union I use offers variable rates for savings accounts starting at 0.1%, and my rate is 0.65%. I recently read about CIT bank, an online bank, that offers savings rates up to 4.40%–over 6 times my current rate! Imagine how much your savings could increase with an online high-yield savings account!

Healthier Together- What Everyone Gets Wrong About Self-Care & Burnout

Something that describes a healthy relationship of taking care of yourself is that you’re clear on what your priorities are and you understand what activities/relationships feed you and bring you energy. When somebody comes to you with a request, you’re able to be relatively decisive in your decision-making. You are able to operate in your life from a sense of agency and self-sufficiency.

Women are sold a contradictory set of expectations: be a mom but also a rockstar CEO, leading them to think “I need to do more.”

What does “having it/having it all” actually mean? It isn’t about checking things off the list: social life, mom, career, etc. Think about the things that actually fill you up and are impactful for you and how to build those things into your life. Don’t get lost in getting preoccupied with what everyone else/society thinks.

4 principles of self-care:

  • Getting clear on boundaries and dealing with guilt
  • Developing self-compassion in the way you talk to yourself
  • Identifying your values and getting closer to yourself
  • Recognize that this whole process is about power, and by reclaiming self-care, you are getting your power back.

If you aren’t making time for the things you value, getting a mani-pedi or massage isn’t going to help you recover from burnout. That’s checking a tool off of the list, but you haven’t done the deeper work of getting clear on what your values are and what pieces of your life and schedule are actually deeply nourishing for you.

Asking for help- start asking even before you NEED it. Asking for help does not decrease your self-worth.

Martyr mode- phenomenon where you’re taking care of everyone else and you are so resentful because nobody is paying attention to you, helping you, looking out for you, yet you are bending over backwards for others

“I’m so stressed” is often worn as a badge of honor. It means your time is valued and people desire your time and you have so much to do. The empty space can be anxiety-provoking. Yet, being stressed breeds resentment because you want to be seen and upheld as the person who saves the day, even if people didn’t ask for your help or want it.

Your goal should be to find a balance between selfish and selfless.

Reflect on “what is enough? How will I know when I’ve done enough? How will I feel when I feel like “enough?” You might realize that what you’re doing is already enough.

The podcast noted that these points are expanded upon in the new book: Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included) written by Pooja Lakshmin, MD.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

Tips For When Your Love Drives You Crazy

amybenoit

“Keep Showing Up: How to Stay Crazy in Love When Your Love Drives You Crazy” was a very insightful Christian book written by Karen Ehman. So many thoughts resonated with me.

Your marriage is a message, and people are watching you preach.

Your husband is your husband; he is not your God. Only God can meet our needs, has endless patience, all the answers, and an unconditional love for us. Pick love when you’d rather pick a fight. Keep looking for the magic in the midst of the mundane. Every marriage is a unique blend of awesome and awful.

Love is patient. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs.

Different DOES NOT equal wrong… around the house, when dealing with in-laws, in parenting, in areas of romance and intimacy, in how you spend money, etc.

“Aren’t you so thankful that God doesn’t treat us this way – getting so angry and losing patience with us, or dredging up our past sins and offenses?” God’s word can help us give the benefit of the doubt, listen before lashing out, understand that different is not wrong, and ultimately act in love.

Baggage, expectations, and perceptions lead to most arguments, especially expectations based on past family experiences and comparisons from social media.

Think of your marriage as a fragile teacup. Learn to ask “Do you have any chips?” and “What do you need from me this week?”

When something bothers you, bring it up before it has had time to fester and grow. Don’t discuss issues when heading out the door or when one is tired and needs to go to bed. Refrain from using superlatives, bringing up history, and assigning a motive.

Strive for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

This was a great Christian book!

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday- March 23, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

On Purpose with Jay Shetty- 4 Relationship Struggles We Go Through

This episode covered four typical relationship struggles and how to overcome them.:

  • Technoference – when your partner is not fully paying attention due to being distracted by tv/phone/computer.
    • How to fix it: Set a rule that when you want your partner’s undivided attention, you communicate that. Ask when they are available for undivided attention. That way you won’t be upset or frustrated if your partner isn’t fully present with you and your conversation. Show you are listening to your partner by mirroring and repeating the last few words that your partner says.
    • One suggestion: Put your phone away during meals and communicate that expectation.
  • Bringing work stress home. This is especially hard when working from home due to having no transitional time to decompress and disconnect through a transitional commute.
    • How to fix it: Take a moment to breathe and decompress after work. Figure out your individual and collective recharging exercises.

My recharging exercises: working out, music, reading, podcasts, hanging out with friends

His: tv, Tiktok, podcasts

Ours: talking to each other, tv

  • Finances– even if you have separate accounts, it is important to talk about your desires, dreams, and concerns and be on the same page.
    • How to fix finance issues: invest in your relationship! Make sure you are doing things that are benefiting you as a couple.
    • How much $ is spent on a wedding vs. a marriage?
  • Chores– resenting partner when you feel like you are picking up the slack
    • How to fix it: Set expectations about who’s doing what and when. It’s unfair to always expect your partner to pick up your slack. Review and reset expectations as needed.
NerdWallet’s Smart Money Podcast – This or That: Travel Credit Card or Cash-Back Credit Card

Travel credit cards often come with several benefits, and cards that charge a higher annual fee offer better benefits. Benefits often include no foreign transaction fees, airline benefits such as free checked bags/lounge access/TSA pre-check, rental car insurance, travel insurance, and hotel vouchers or benefits.

  • Things to Consider:
    • Travel credit cards typically don’t have a set % back. You get points instead.
    • It takes TIME to calculate whether travel credit card annual fees are worth it for you, especially if you don’t travel often and won’t use all of the perks!

Cash-back cards often offer no annual fee and a set cash back amount to use as you please. You don’t have to calculate if it’s worth it for you, especially if there is no annual fee.

**It’s not truly this OR that. You can have both a travel credit card and a cash-back card or multiple cards of each if that’s best for you!

Self Improvement Daily- Waking up is the first thing to be grateful for

I’ve never really thought about life as presented in the episode. “Waking up is the first thing to be grateful for” was emphasized in two ways:

  • There are people who are going to sleep tonight who won’t be waking up tomorrow.
  • There are people waking up this morning for the last time and they have no idea.

Imagine if you knew today was going to be the last day of your life. Would you treat your day much differently?

One of the most fascinating things I learned this week is that counterfeit coupons are a nationwide problem and there is a Coupon Information Corporation that investigates counterfeit coupons! I recently watched an episode of “The Con” that highlighted “Coupon Con” Lori Ann Talens. This was the largest coupon scam in U.S. History.

Lori took to couponing while on bed rest, and, using her graphic design skills, she created realistic counterfeit coupons to score free meals, household supplies, and money. She used social media sites and apps to sell counterfeit coupons from April 2017-May 2020 and made about $400,000, and an investigation revealed her computer contained over 13,000 barcodes she created for products she designed coupons for! Counterfeit coupons were also found all over her house and valued at over $1 million. The businesses victimized suffered over $31 million in losses, and Lori and her husband were sentenced to prison.

This week I read that houses are generally a terrible investment for all but real estate brokers, the government, insurance companies, and banks. In the first nine years of a standard thirty-year mortgage, around 50 percent of your total payment goes toward interest, while the rest goes toward paying down the principal. In order to figure out whether it makes sense to buy or rent, we need to consider the interest, add the extra costs of owning a house (property tax, maintenance, homeowner’s insurance, utilities you wouldn’t be responsible for in an apartment, etc.). This is where the Rule of 150 comes from. Multiply your monthly mortgage payment by 150 percent and that is how much your house will actually cost per month, once all expenses are factored in.

In 2022, which was our first year of owning our house, we paid over $11,000 in mortgage interest and over $3,500 in property taxes. We also paid PMI, homeowner’s insurance, and some utilities I was not used to paying for while I lived in an apartment. Not considering homeowner’s insurance, PMI, and utilities, we paid over $14,500 in just mortgage interest and property taxes that we have nothing to show for!!

Homeownership is not cheap and it is not for everyone. I love living together and having designated spaces to work, sleep, cook, relax, and work out, and I love the location. However, this past year, all things considered, it was not a good financial investment last year.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Book review posts, Uncategorized

Investing Basics- “Broke Millennial Takes on Investing”

amybenoit

“Broke Millennial Takes on Investing” written by Erin Lowry was among my top 20 favorite books I read in 2022. It was an informative book packed with helpful information about investing basics and options available. *Disclosure: I am not a financial planner.

Where can I invest my $?

Full-service brokerages (cost more $): Morgan Stanley, Edward Jones, and Merrill Lynch

Discount brokerages (DIY approach, saving you more $ in fees): Vanguard, Fidelity, Charles Schwab, and TD Ameritrade

Online advisors: Betterment, Swell, Personal Capital, Wealthfront, Wealthsimple, and Ellevest

Apps: Acorns, Stash, and Robinhood

Fee models: assets under management, commission, trading or transaction fees, and account service fees

**Are you getting value for the cost of the expense ratio and any other fees you’re paying?

Many finance experts warn that paying an assets under management fee can be costly; as your investments increase, your costs increase, and that may not be worth paying if you are a hands-on investor.

What you need to know about an advisor:

  • 1. Does he or she uphold the fiduciary or suitability standards?
  • 2. How does your advisor get paid?
  • 3. What are your advisor’s credentials? CFP?

Other things to consider:

  • Rebalance annually to ensure that your overall asset allocation continues to be aligned with your goals, time horizon, tax strategy, and risk tolerance.
  • You don’t make or lose $ until you sell! Remember your time horizon. Fluctuations are to be expected.
  • When deciding whether to invest in stocks, research the company and determine: Is it profitable? Is it reputable? What’s the history of returns?
  • Some brokers offer a stop-loss order option in which you can have your broker sell your shares when a stock falls more than a percentage you set. Not everyone offers this, so if this is important to you, make sure you read all of the terms before selecting a broker.
  • Capital gains tax- long-term= 15-20%. Short-term= same as ordinary income (10-37%).

Further resources provided in this book:

  • BrokerCheck- vet a potential broker/investment advisor
  • CFP.net to find a certified financial planner
  • Websites: Investopedia.com, MorningStar, Fidelity.com, Stock Series blog, Teal Holcomb
  • Podcasts: Afford Anything, Better Off, Investors Podcast, Planet Money, and Marketplace Morning Report

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!

Thoughtful Thursday posts, Uncategorized

Thoughtful Thursday- March 16, 2023

amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

One book I read this past week was “Taking Down Backpage: Fighting the World’s Largest Sex Trafficker” written by Maggy Krell, a legal trailblazer who has taken on high-profile criminal and civil cases. One of the most important things I learned from this book is that The Communications Decency Act shields internet providers from facing suit over the content by those posted on their sites, but does not provide immunity if a provider engages in their own criminal acts. Despite its reputation, sadly Backpage could not be charged for pimping, but bank fraud and money laundering charges held, $200 million in assets were seized, and BackPage was shut down. Visitors to the page have been greeted by this message:

How to Be a Better Human- Why Kim Scott thinks you need to ask for feedback

One thought-provoking podcast I listened to this week was about soliciting feedback. Nearly all of us have experienced times when someone went off on us for something we had been doing for a while that people didn’t like but didn’t correct until they couldn’t take it anymore. We think “why didn’t you tell me?” One of the solutions to this is to solicit feedback regularly. There are four steps:

  • Think about the words you’re going to use to ask for feedback, and make sure the question can’t be answered with a “yes” or “no.” Don’t ask “Do you have any feedback for me?” Consider asking “What could I do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me?” Some of my other favorites include “What could I do to be more successful in this role?” “What concerns do you have at the moment?”
  • Embrace the discomfort. No matter how good your question is, the other person may feel uncomfortable for a moment.
  • Listen with the intent to understand, not to respond. Ask follow up questions.
  • Reward the candor. Use the recommendations given. Continue asking for feedback after corrections have been made. Be open to changes.
Optimal Relationships Daily- How to Spend Money Wisely
  1. Make a list of what you value. The best way to spend money wisely is to align your spending with your values. Ask yourself: “Am I spending my money on things I value?”
  2. Make a list of things you really enjoy. Avoid spending too much money on things that aren’t at the top of your “joy” list.
  3. Make a list of places, things, or people that cause you to make poor spending choices. If you can identify these weak points, then you can begin to live your life in a way that helps to avoid some of these spending hot spots.
  4. Review your regular spending for things to eliminate. List your required spending for the month, such as rent or mortgage, insurance, debt payments, utilities, services, etc. Is there anything on that list that you don’t need or want?
  5. Review your regular spending to identify things to reduce. Can you call the providers to ask for a better rate?
  6. Create a budget.
  7. Start writing down each purchase you make.
  8. Switch to only cash if you have a problem with credit card spending.
  9. Implement a “sleep on it” rule. For any purchase over X amount, wait one night/a week/thirty days, etc. to evaluate the potential purchase against your values and your budget.
  10. Put future spending on a calendar. It allows you to prepare by saving for the spending requirement and allows you time to shop around for the best price.

When I graduated from college, I was determined to work hard, live frugally, and pay off my student loans early. In addition to working three low-paying jobs, I kept a categorized and color-coded Excel spreadsheet of all of my income and spending. I then evaluated my spending each month and worked on cutting back some expenses. It worked well for me! This month, I started tracking my spending again and am making an additional category: recurring, variable, and impulse purchases. I look forward to evaluating each month to get a better idea of my expenses and values.

The School of Greatness- 3 Daily Habits to Improve Your Life w/ James Clear

James Clear is the author of “Atomic Habits,” which has sold over 5 million copies. He recommends 3 daily habits to improve your life:

  1. Learn something new by reading or listening to podcasts.
  2. Physical activity
  3. Reflection and review of your day

The more your habits align with an expectation of a group or tribe, the easier they are to stick to. Join groups where your desired behavior is the normal behavior. One example listed was drinking habits. If you want to stay sober, make sure you spend time with people who are sober and don’t pressure you to drink.

The way you spend your days is the way you spend your life. The bad days are more important than the good days. They test you and your values, and you need to find a way to show up.

Food, We Need To Talk- Cardio, Lifting…or BOTH?

People who diet or want to lose weight tend to decrease calories and increase movement/cardio.

To lose weight, you need to burn more calories than you eat. Cardio is an easy way to burn calories, but you need to increase muscle mass to increase your metabolism. You need to do a mix of strength training and cardio. Cardio alone is one of the worst weight loss tools.

Over half of our daily metabolism comes from our basal metabolic rate. One of the biggest determinants of BMR is muscle mass. Muscle requires more calories to maintain. As you lose weight, your BMR is going down. Try to counteract that by building new muscle tissue by lifting weights.

Don’t just look at the # on the scale. Muscle mass can cause you to be in the overweight/obese category weight-wise. Focus on increasing your muscle mass. The most ideal place for new weight loss clients is for the scale not to move at all (signaling you’re gaining muscle and losing fat and building your metabolism). Maintaining muscle is easier than building it. You only need to do 1/7 of the work to maintain it.

If you do the same thing every day or week, your body will get used to it. You need to switch things up and add more weight to your exercises.

Cardio is useful in overall health and preventing diseases, but if you have to do cardio and lifting on the same days, whatever you do first is what you’re going to get best at. Prioritize according to your goals. If your goal is to change your body composition, lift weights first.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!