Author: amybenoit

My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

I was out with a friend who is on a bowling league. She explained that the next league is going to be more difficult. “More difficult? As in the competitors are more skilled,” I asked. She replied, “no, the oil patterns are different.” I was so confused about what I heard that I had to ask her if I heard correctly! It turns out, aside from the arm swing, how the ball is released, and the bowling ball material, the oil pattern also plays a major role in how well you perform.

Bowling oil patterns are covered in depth here:

In short, “the longer the pattern, the less your ball can hook.”

If you notice you aren’t performing well:

“If you throw your shot and realized that your ball isn’t hitting the target you intended due to the oil on the lane, you have two options:

1. You can adjust your stance and just move your feet to the left or right by the number of boards that you missed and target the same spot. And hope that your adjustment should help and correct the error.
2. You can completely change your style to match the lane conditions.

For example, if the lane is wet (has a lot of oil), you can bowl a straighter shot into the middle making the ball have only a small range of hook.
Or, if the lane is dry (has little oil), you can give it more speed or target more to the outside making the ball properly hook back to the pocket.“

Here are some oil patterns:

This podcast focused more on the concerns about TikTok, not all of which are related to kids. Some people have complained that TikTok should be taken down because it is harming kids mentally and emotionally. The Communications Decency Act (Section 230) protects website creators/app creators by not holding them legally responsible for the speech others put online. It also ensures TikTok can’t be sued for deciding to moderate content in the ways that they see fit. This is the same defense BackPage had, as they were not held accountable for the pimping that went on while using BackPage; they were only held accountable for the resulting money-laundering offenses.

TikTok was the most downloaded app in the entire world in 2022!

TikTok was created by a Chinese company, and many people are concerned about the threat to cybersecurity. The company is working with the U.S. government and working on voluntarily moving data it has on U.S. consumers from servers it controls in Virginia and Singapore to third-party servers controlled by Oracle, a U.S. company. They are working to ensure that no U.S. data is exposed to the Chinese government. Of note, there is currently no evidence that the Chinese government has been accessing our data, but there are concerns about influencing us for political purposes.

There is no national federal privacy standard. The U.K. and E.U. have more of an expectation that the government will impose rules ahead of time. In the U.S., corporation accountability tends to happen only after things go wrong.

There’s a lot we don’t know. We don’t know if lawmakers can come together and revise section 230 of the Communications Decency Act. We don’t know if social media companies will make meaningful changes. We don’t know the totality of how social media and screens impact our health.

I recently had a conversation with a friend about TikTok and whether it should be monitored. On one hand, people have the right to free speech. On the other hand, if content is moderated, how can we ensure that all of it is appropriately moderated before it is too late? Should all content go through a review process, requiring several TikTok employees to review it, before it is allowed to be published? If so, how would that impact the number of users and the type of content users see?

You may have heard about the Silicon Valley Bank shutdown. Several start-ups used Silicon Valley Bank and pulled their money out at once. SVB had invested some of their money in assets that lost value and then sold the assets at a loss to get depositors their money. As start-ups, many had over $250,000 in deposits and were not fully insured. Signature Bank has faced similar difficulties.

**The FDIC insures $250,000 in full.** Your money will be returned to you no matter what happens to your bank. You have up to $250,000 protected at EACH bank. Ensure your bank is FDIC-insured or your credit union is insured through the National Credit Union Administration.

If you’re concerned that your bank might go out of business, you can spread out your accounts at multiple banks, you can get a credit card to cover your expenses while your bank situation is sorted out, you can call 211 for assistance programs, and you can request an extension on your mortgage or utilities if needed.

Traditional banks vs. online banks

Traditional banks:

• You can go to a branch to open an account, deposit, withdraw, etc.
• You can receive person-to-person service.
• You can deposit cash, do wire transfers, etc.
• It is easy to transfer funds from an online account to a traditional account.

Online banks:

• You don’t usually have access to a branch.
• You don’t receive person-to-person service.
• They don’t usually have the costs of having buildings, so the rates are often better.
• Many offer high-yield savings accounts.
• You can only get money out through ATMs or by doing an electronic transfer to a traditional bank.

It’s best for most people to have a hybrid approach by having a traditional account for checking and possibly savings and having an online high-yield savings account.

As an illustration, many banks offer savings rates of less than 1%. The credit union I use offers variable rates for savings accounts starting at 0.1%, and my rate is 0.65%. I recently read about CIT bank, an online bank, that offers savings rates up to 4.40%–over 6 times my current rate! Imagine how much your savings could increase with an online high-yield savings account!

Something that describes a healthy relationship of taking care of yourself is that you’re clear on what your priorities are and you understand what activities/relationships feed you and bring you energy. When somebody comes to you with a request, you’re able to be relatively decisive in your decision-making. You are able to operate in your life from a sense of agency and self-sufficiency.

Women are sold a contradictory set of expectations: be a mom but also a rockstar CEO, leading them to think “I need to do more.”

What does “having it/having it all” actually mean? It isn’t about checking things off the list: social life, mom, career, etc. Think about the things that actually fill you up and are impactful for you and how to build those things into your life. Don’t get lost in getting preoccupied with what everyone else/society thinks.

4 principles of self-care:

• Getting clear on boundaries and dealing with guilt
• Developing self-compassion in the way you talk to yourself
• Identifying your values and getting closer to yourself
• Recognize that this whole process is about power, and by reclaiming self-care, you are getting your power back.

If you aren’t making time for the things you value, getting a mani-pedi or massage isn’t going to help you recover from burnout. That’s checking a tool off of the list, but you haven’t done the deeper work of getting clear on what your values are and what pieces of your life and schedule are actually deeply nourishing for you.

Asking for help- start asking even before you NEED it. Asking for help does not decrease your self-worth.

Martyr mode- phenomenon where you’re taking care of everyone else and you are so resentful because nobody is paying attention to you, helping you, looking out for you, yet you are bending over backwards for others

“I’m so stressed” is often worn as a badge of honor. It means your time is valued and people desire your time and you have so much to do. The empty space can be anxiety-provoking. Yet, being stressed breeds resentment because you want to be seen and upheld as the person who saves the day, even if people didn’t ask for your help or want it.

Your goal should be to find a balance between selfish and selfless.

Reflect on “what is enough? How will I know when I’ve done enough? How will I feel when I feel like “enough?” You might realize that what you’re doing is already enough.

The podcast noted that these points are expanded upon in the new book: Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included) written by Pooja Lakshmin, MD.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!