My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:
- Many women have an unrealistic standard for their body in the timeframe they want to achieve it. We aren’t aware of the timeframe it takes to get to that standard. Also, many people don’t want to give up the lifestyle they want to live to achieve that standard.
- The standards we are holding our bodies to are incredibly toxic.
- Are your standards too high? Are you wanting to see shredded abs, toned arms, and perfect legs? If so, why? Why do you want these things? What about these things will make you happier or better? You are enough the way you are.
- Are you holding yourself to someone else’s standard? Your friend’s goals don’t need to be your goals. Your friend’s insecurities don’t need to be your insecurities. Hold yourself to your own standard. Holding yourself to someone else’s standard takes you away from your own goals.
- Do you hold yourself to an unattainable standard? Many bodies photos and videos are edited and airbrushed and filtered, so you shouldn’t look at their bodies as a goal that is attainable. The workouts that influencers are posting about are often not the workouts they are doing to get the body they have. People wouldn’t watch the videos of their actual workouts because they aren’t as fun to watch or they wouldn’t want to watch all of them.
- Are you holding yourself to an old standard of yourself? Ex: you think you need to be the same size or weight as you were at a certain point in your life. Your life can be drastically different now compared to then. It probably wouldn’t be good for you to get back to that place. As we age, our bodies should change. As we have children, our bodies are different, and that’s a good thing. Are you holding yourself to an old standard? Do you really want to go back to the mentality that came with that standard, or should you accept that you can have a healthier, better body with a better mindset?
Your body can change and you can actually be healthier, stronger, and more confident. You can feel better than you did before.
This podcast covered tidbits from Jason Derulo’s book, “Sing Your Name Out Loud: 15 Rules for Living Your Dream.”
- Jason Derulo reads the comments on his videos on social media and finds way to constructively apply them. Jason looks for any way to be better by choosing to pick apart comments and choosing what to change.
- Even though Jason Derulo has gone independent and was able to get a platinum record as an independent artist, he still sees the value in having a team. Independent artists are not typically the most successful artists out there, although there are anomalies.
- Jason wants readers to know that there’s so much joy within the journey. When people talk about hard work, they make it sound like a bad thing, but those struggles can be some of the best memories to look back on. Looking back at where you started and where you’ve come can be satisfying. Find something you are passionate about and find happiness within chasing that particular outcome. Just because it’s hard work doesn’t mean it’s not fun.
- People love stories of someone rising. It’s never too late to change your path. Some people on TikTok are old and very popular.
- This podcast was based on the book “Supercommunicators” by Charles Duhigg.
- When we really connect with someone in conversation, it’s reflected in our bodies and our brains. Eye pupils start to dilate at the same rate, breath patterns start to match each other, heart rates start to match each other, and brain waves start to look like each other.
- Communication is connection. In order to really connect, aim to have a learning conversation. Aim to learn about other perspectives in a conversation. Practice looping for understanding. Ask someone a question, listen to what they say, repeat back in your own words what you heard them say, and ask them if you got it right. Usually, the other person doesn’t know if we are listening or if we are just waiting for our turn to speak. By taking these steps, you will both trust each other more.
- Matching isn’t as simple as mimicking someone’s body language.
- Every discussion is made up of multiple different kinds of conversations: practical (solving problems or making plans), emotional (sharing how you are feeling and wanting them to empathize or listen, not solve a problem), and social (how we see each other in the context of society). Understand what kind of conversation you are having with someone and try to match.
- Ask deep questions – questions about values, beliefs, or experiences. Their answers will tell you what type of conversation to have with them (practical, emotional, or social).
- Prepare for conversations. Write down three topics you think you could discuss with strangers. Oftentimes, those topics won’t come up, but you can increase your confidence by being aware of them.
- Almost any question that asks “why?” helps people open up. We are inviting the other person to explain who they are.
- Be authentic. Supercommunicators tend to ask more questions, laugh more, and be authentic. If you say something that indicates you are struggling with something, they authentically listen to you and might share about themselves or ask questions about that.
“In a world that is busier, more distracting, and trying to hijack our attention more than ever, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to be present. Rather than having a moment to ourselves waiting in a line, we compulsively check our emails. Rather than focusing on preparing our meal, we have a podcast or Youtube video on in the background.
But if we’re being honest, does constantly seeking stimulation and splitting our attention actually offer the quality we want in our lives?
There’s so much more dimension to the present moment than we allow ourselves to see. When we choose to be present, to be here now (and not off doing something else or with other thoughts in the back of our minds), we allow the moment to deliver everything it has to offer.”
This is something I am constantly working on. Some of my best moments of connection in friendships have been when we are without our phones or other distractions – when we forget about the time and all of the other things that could be competing for our attention. These moments are so rare in today’s society.
Take a moment to immerse yourself in the here and now and be present with what’s happening around you, or else you might be missing something magical.
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
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