My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:

In this episode, Mary reflects on the five habits that have made her a better person.

• Reading – many people only “read” audiobooks or social media posts. Audiobooks often cause people to half-listen; they listen while doing something else. Reading books requires you to be fully present in reading. It forces yourself to slow down and process what you’re consuming rather than looking for the next best thing or next glamorous picture on social media. Reading makes you empathetic, thoughtful, conscientious, broadens your vocabulary, and allows you to understand and be understood because you have more words to describe something.

I can relate to this! In 2020, I started reading one book each month for knowledge or personal development. In 2021, I committed to reading 21+ minutes each day. In 2022, I read 30+ minutes each day and read 76 books (and took detailed notes about each one). This year, in 2023, I have read over 80 books so far. I have become more knowledgeable in a variety of topics, have experienced personal growth, have broadened my vocabulary, and have gained empathy and different perspectives.

• Journaling – writing down things and looking back at them can make you realize that things weren’t as big of a deal as you thought, can help you brainstorm solutions, and can slow down your mind in the attention economy.

I also relate to this in a small way. I have been using my dated five-year One Line A Day journal for the past four years. I write a sentence or two about each day and am able to see what I wrote on that date over the course of five years. It has been interesting to read about my growth and life changes (careers, marriage, house hunting and home buying, etc.) and it is has often reminded me that the things I was stressing about turned out to not be such a big deal in the long run!

Photo courtesy of Buzzfeed

• Singing and dancing randomly – fun, sparks creativity, happiness

I don’t do this often aside from singing in the car, but it sounds like a great idea to try!

• Spending sober and cellphone-free time with loved ones – be fully present in mind, body, and spirit with those you love – swimming, playing board games, etc.

I love this idea. Two days ago, my Fitbit broke, and yesterday I spent time with friends (without my Fitbit and without my cell phone). I had so much fun and felt that I was fully present with them rather than worrying about what time it was, who was texting me, and what the latest notifications were. It was lovely!

• Shopping second hand – buying things you want at a low price, buying quality items and saving money

I love a good deal on things that I actually want or need!

• Think about your habit identity. Think about who you want to be and how your habits support that. Ex: “I want to be a healthy mom with patient, be present with my kids, and have energy.” That’s your habit identity.
• What healthy habit will help support that identity? Focus on your fundamental needs: mindset, movement habits, or food freedom. Pick one habit out of one of those areas. Ex: meal prep.
• Time – where are you going to find the time to do this? Plan out a schedule. Ex: meal prep on Sundays. Block out time to work on this habit.
• Make a habit loop: cue, routine, and reward. Ex: the order you get ready in the morning. Idea: Any time you make a meal, cook extra protein for future meals.
• Track your habits using a habit tracker. Slowly stack in new habits.
• You probably have more time for habits than you think. Do a time inventory for at least one day. See how long you use your phone each day. Turn your phone off or disable notifications and remove distractions. Time block to get things done.

You can read about some of my habits and my habits journey here! I will post about my 2023 and 2024 habits at a later date! https://wordpress.com/post/readlearnshare.blog/44

• Hair twirling
• Picking at your skin – peeling skin, picking around nailbeds
• Daydreaming or checking out mentally
• Fidgeting or playing with something (tapping a pen/pencil)
• Sleeping too little or too much
• Being on social media too much
• Talking too much or too little or arguing
• Forgetfulness and lack of concentration

• Time – give yourself the gift of time by simplifying your life, your schedule, and your space to leave more time for the things that matter to you. Evaluate whether your schedule and space are serving you.  Eliminate things that are using up your time that could better be spent on things that really matter to you.
  • Tangible gift: new planner, hiring help for tasks you don’t like to do (cleaning, yardwork)

• Health – Often, when life is very full and we have several responsibilities and are taking care of everyone, the first thing we drop is taking care of ourselves. Schedule your medical, dental, and eye checkups. Carve out time to eat well, get enough sleep, and move your body every day. Evaluate your physical, mental, and emotional inputs and eliminate those that don’t contribute to your health and replace them with things that do.
  • Tangible gift: gym membership, personal trainer sessions, treadmill, fresh flowers, therapy sessions

• Learning – be a life-long learner. Commit to setting aside time to learn something new each day or week. This can be through reading, podcasts, researching, or taking lessons.
  • Tangible gift: classes/lessons, conference, book

• Perspective – learning to see things from a broader perspective is valuable for our well-being, our creativity and problem-solving abilities, our relationships, and our ability to resolve conflicts. Read or listen to something that comes from a different background or culture than yours. Have a conversation with someone you disagree with. Travel to a place different from where you live. Intentionally cultivate curiosity instead of judgment. Try the improv comedy technique: “yes, and…” You can dismantle limiting beliefs that have become habits of mind while cultivating the flexibility that will help you think creatively about future challenges.
  • Tangible gift: travel

• Friendship – a strong support system. Be a support system for others. A life that matters most often matters in relation to other people. Schedule time to get together with friends. Pick up the phone and call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while.
  • Tangible gift: planning activities with friends (classes, getaway, etc.).

• Forgiveness – Harboring unforgiveness and resentment impairs our own quality of life and productivity. Let go of the burden of resentment or blame and choose to forgive others to enhance your quality of life and allow yourself to be more productive.
• Peace – get rid of conflict, strife, anxiety, and fear. The stress of constantly conflicted or anxious thinking can impact our physical health. Give yourself the gift of peace for your well-being and to be more productive. Practice quietness of body and of mind. Meditation and reading can help. Teach yourself to accept what is instead of fighting and resisting against it.
  • Tangible gift: investing in a meditation app, signing up for a retreat

• Joy – happy people are more productive. Recognize, seek, and foster moments of joy. Intentionally create a life based on your own values and priorities. Look for joy in the small things. Ex: the laughter of a small child, a sunset, a gathering of loved ones. Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy.
  • Tangible gifts: arrange experiences that bring you joy

• Adventure – make memories. Do one big adventure (a few hours) and one small adventure (one hour) each week or start by planning to do one new thing each month.
  • Tangible gifts: “Tranquility by Tuesday” book, set up an adventure somewhere new or try something new

• Grace – give love, forgiveness, kindness, and peace. Give grace to yourself and others. Don’t be perfect; be real. Give yourself permission to not do everything. Never feel selfish for taking “you” time. Do one thing a day that you are proud of. Every day, look for something you are proud of in the people who are closest to you.
  • Tangible gift: buy yourself a piece of art that reminds you to extend grace.

I loved this post from Gabe the Bass Player this week! Are you setting your own deadlines? Are you in the driver’s seat of your life?

https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/relying-on-deadlines

Relying On Deadlines

December 15, 2023

If deadlines are the only things that motivate you to get stuff done, then it pays to get better at setting and enforcing your own deadlines.

The alternative is waiting on other people to set deadlines for you. But then you’ll always be dependent on others for you to get your stuff done.

The problem is we hold the deadlines other people set for us as more valuable and important than our own promises to ourselves.

On the same note, this post on Seth’s Blog this week was a great reminder. We are in control of our lives and where we direct our attention.

Focusing attention is a skill

Focusing attention is a skill

Where we choose to direct our gaze determines not only what we learn or believe, but how we choose to see the world.

Typing is a skill. Juggling is a skill. So is project management.

It’s easy to overlook the fact that we can get better at what we think about, create and consume.

If we’re not happy with how external forces are stealing and redirecting our attention, we can change it.

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!