My intention is to post a Thoughtful Thursday column each week and share some of the insights I have learned in the past week. Here are some of the things I’ve learned this week:
One book I read this past week was “Taking Down Backpage: Fighting the World’s Largest Sex Trafficker” written by Maggy Krell, a legal trailblazer who has taken on high-profile criminal and civil cases. One of the most important things I learned from this book is that The Communications Decency Act shields internet providers from facing suit over the content by those posted on their sites, but does not provide immunity if a provider engages in their own criminal acts. Despite its reputation, sadly Backpage could not be charged for pimping, but bank fraud and money laundering charges held, $200 million in assets were seized, and BackPage was shut down. Visitors to the page have been greeted by this message:
One thought-provoking podcast I listened to this week was about soliciting feedback. Nearly all of us have experienced times when someone went off on us for something we had been doing for a while that people didn’t like but didn’t correct until they couldn’t take it anymore. We think “why didn’t you tell me?” One of the solutions to this is to solicit feedback regularly. There are four steps:
- Think about the words you’re going to use to ask for feedback, and make sure the question can’t be answered with a “yes” or “no.” Don’t ask “Do you have any feedback for me?” Consider asking “What could I do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me?” Some of my other favorites include “What could I do to be more successful in this role?” “What concerns do you have at the moment?”
- Embrace the discomfort. No matter how good your question is, the other person may feel uncomfortable for a moment.
- Listen with the intent to understand, not to respond. Ask follow up questions.
- Reward the candor. Use the recommendations given. Continue asking for feedback after corrections have been made. Be open to changes.
- Make a list of what you value. The best way to spend money wisely is to align your spending with your values. Ask yourself: “Am I spending my money on things I value?”
- Make a list of things you really enjoy. Avoid spending too much money on things that aren’t at the top of your “joy” list.
- Make a list of places, things, or people that cause you to make poor spending choices. If you can identify these weak points, then you can begin to live your life in a way that helps to avoid some of these spending hot spots.
- Review your regular spending for things to eliminate. List your required spending for the month, such as rent or mortgage, insurance, debt payments, utilities, services, etc. Is there anything on that list that you don’t need or want?
- Review your regular spending to identify things to reduce. Can you call the providers to ask for a better rate?
- Create a budget.
- Start writing down each purchase you make.
- Switch to only cash if you have a problem with credit card spending.
- Implement a “sleep on it” rule. For any purchase over X amount, wait one night/a week/thirty days, etc. to evaluate the potential purchase against your values and your budget.
- Put future spending on a calendar. It allows you to prepare by saving for the spending requirement and allows you time to shop around for the best price.
When I graduated from college, I was determined to work hard, live frugally, and pay off my student loans early. In addition to working three low-paying jobs, I kept a categorized and color-coded Excel spreadsheet of all of my income and spending. I then evaluated my spending each month and worked on cutting back some expenses. It worked well for me! This month, I started tracking my spending again and am making an additional category: recurring, variable, and impulse purchases. I look forward to evaluating each month to get a better idea of my expenses and values.
James Clear is the author of “Atomic Habits,” which has sold over 5 million copies. He recommends 3 daily habits to improve your life:
- Learn something new by reading or listening to podcasts.
- Physical activity
- Reflection and review of your day
The more your habits align with an expectation of a group or tribe, the easier they are to stick to. Join groups where your desired behavior is the normal behavior. One example listed was drinking habits. If you want to stay sober, make sure you spend time with people who are sober and don’t pressure you to drink.
The way you spend your days is the way you spend your life. The bad days are more important than the good days. They test you and your values, and you need to find a way to show up.
People who diet or want to lose weight tend to decrease calories and increase movement/cardio.
To lose weight, you need to burn more calories than you eat. Cardio is an easy way to burn calories, but you need to increase muscle mass to increase your metabolism. You need to do a mix of strength training and cardio. Cardio alone is one of the worst weight loss tools.
Over half of our daily metabolism comes from our basal metabolic rate. One of the biggest determinants of BMR is muscle mass. Muscle requires more calories to maintain. As you lose weight, your BMR is going down. Try to counteract that by building new muscle tissue by lifting weights.
Don’t just look at the # on the scale. Muscle mass can cause you to be in the overweight/obese category weight-wise. Focus on increasing your muscle mass. The most ideal place for new weight loss clients is for the scale not to move at all (signaling you’re gaining muscle and losing fat and building your metabolism). Maintaining muscle is easier than building it. You only need to do 1/7 of the work to maintain it.
If you do the same thing every day or week, your body will get used to it. You need to switch things up and add more weight to your exercises.
Cardio is useful in overall health and preventing diseases, but if you have to do cardio and lifting on the same days, whatever you do first is what you’re going to get best at. Prioritize according to your goals. If your goal is to change your body composition, lift weights first.
I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!
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