How to Win Friends and Influence People

“How to Win Friends and Influence People” was written by Dale Carnegie, originally published in 1936 and most recently revised and republished in 2022, has sold more than 15 million copies, and resulted in the Dale Carnegie Foundation of global training courses. This was among my top 20 favorite books I read in 2022.

I first want to point out that the techniques likely work with some people, particularly in the corporate world, but genuine true friendships don’t require techniques or “winning.” With that said, many of these techniques are useful.

I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.

Charles Schwab

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People:

1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

6 ways to make people like you:

1. Become generally interested in other people.
2. Smile!
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

12 ways to win people to your way of thinking:

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show response for the other person’s opinions. Never say “you’re wrong.”
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

9 ways to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and every improvement.
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Give encouragement. Make the fault easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.

Dale Carnegie

Among my favorite takeaways: Give honest and sincere appreciation, be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves, show respect for the other person’s opinions, and call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

This book was filled with information and useful stories of examples and I highly recommend it!

I look forward to reading, learning, and sharing more with you soon!